Matt Gordon's Blog, page 12

The Blessing of a Father

Old man Isaac, grisly and dying, told his son to prepare him a savory meal. “I will eat and bless you before I die,” he said in what was likely no more than a whisper—but soft though it was, it may as well have been thunder for the strength of it.

Esau went afield, eager to honor and to be blessed. But while away hunting, Esau’s brother, Jacob, covered in goat’s hair, went to his father to deceive and be blessed.

Those men died, as did their father, as did their sons. And civilizations have flo...

The F-Word and the NBA

There are annoying things about watching the NBA: the occasional “lapse” on “defense,” a tendency to turn into a series of one-on-one dribble wars, and the fact that NO ONE EVER COMMITS A FOUL yet EVERY PLAYER GETS FOULED ON EVERY SHOT. If I were to re-watch the NBA Finals Game 4, and I were to count the possessions on which there was no eye-roll, verbal onslaught, foot stomp, or “Oh-No-You-Didn’t” head tilt from players and coaches, well, I think we would have a number close to Tiago Splitte...

An Anniversary Poem from the Estranged Family

This poem was with love writ

To my dear, eldest sister,

On this day eight years ago

You married yourself a mister.

I remember that fair day when

first you brought your dear beau round,

Behind your back we talked

of this ogre you had found.

He was squinty and was strange

You cannot argue that,

And then he called me “Mark”

Instead of my name: “Matt.”

Oh I loathed him from the start

This much we know is true,

And I don’t hate folks easy

But he’s one of the few.

It wasn’t just that he was ugly

Or his weight was “...

Happy, Creative, and Dead

Do you ever sit there and feel dull and tired and uncreative? And then, in your stupor, do you ever just eat some baby carrots?

And turn on Phoenix (the band, not the state).

And then with carrots in mouth and song in air, you dance. Uncontrolled and with little thought of rhythm, you just flail and jive and smile and laugh, chomping ever so happily upon miniature carrots.

You feel, all at once, the creativity, the passion for life, the love coursing through your veins. You jump and shake and sh...

Hello, Big Brother, and Welcome!

So apparently the NSA is spying on citizens—they may even be reading this blog right now! Most the folks I know are very upset about this claiming that they are not terrorists and they have rights and all this other nonsense. I really don’t get all the angst.

As for me, I’m trying to make it as a writer. Thus far in my research, I’ve found that the more readers you have, the better it is for your fledgling career. So I say, “Bring it on, NSA.” Terrorist. Obama. Al Qaeda. WMDs. There, I just wa...

Changes at Camp Wollomtomi

Dear Wollomtomi Camper,

We hope you are excited about another great summer at Camp Wollomtami! The staff has been scampering around getting everything in order for another great year of summer camp! The reason we are writing you is simply to notify you of some small changes here in Wollomtami land! If you’ve spent a summer with us before you know our fun-loving reputation as the camp with “One rule and one rule only!” Of course that rule, since 1967, has been, “Everyone must, at all times, HAV...

Tomorrow Probably

Last night, I was out of pocket until 2 AM.

Which brings me to my first digression: What an unsavory phrase “out of pocket” is. I mean truly, haven’t I been out of pocket since I left the womb? And even then, to refer to my mother’s cavernous baby reservoir as a linty, old “pocket” seems mildly disrespectful. What are we kangaroos, people?

So of course I was out of pocket, but I was also out of town. Since most of my blog posts are done in the evening time, this 5 PM – 2 AM commitment really pu...

Exercise is Killing Us

One of the wisest things I ever heard at school came from the mouth of my Psychology teacher, who also happened to be the High School Basketball Coach. Scathing and sarcastic, he stood before the room blasting the notion espoused by the class that we play sports because they are good for us: “What is good about sore knees and backs? Most athletes won’t be able to walk without pain pills when they are 50,” he lectured forcibly.

And he was right—is right.

All this exercise is killing us.

I have se...

A Brief History of William Shakespeare (for Those in Summer School to Plagiarize)

For many children, summer is terrific. They ride bikes, eat candy, neglect chores, burn things down, do drugs, play ball, and engage in all the other wild-whimsy activities of freedom which being out of school affords. Oh, it is a special time indeed!

But there are other kids out there who aren’t so lucky. These kids don’t get to spend all day experimenting while their parents are at work. No, these kids are doomed to summer school. They are punished, primarily, for being dummies, which, if yo...

Members Only

If you clicked on this, it is likely you’ve been here before. I wanted to try and get you alone—not in a creepy way—and I didn’t know how to Psstonline.

I just wanted to take a quick Monday moment to thank you for your readership over this past year and a half. If no one ever frequented this space, well, I would go back to just keeping a journal, hidden under my bedroom bookshelf where no one can find its words. (It isn’t really under the bookshelf. In fact, there is no bedroom bookshelf. Do y...