A Terrorist of Affection

Today an odd thing happened.

I was at the vending machine at work, making my normal breakfast selection—a chocolate chip granola bar. I’m sort of on a health kick, so I get that, a carton of Tic Tacs, and only half a cup of Dr Pepper, you know, to condense my morning caloric intake and all.

While I was keying in D-1 and watching my chocolate chip spoil fall from its slot, a work companion saw me from across the room. To say this man is friendly is a gross understatement. No, he is oppressive in...