Page Turner's Blog, page 145

Is It More Ethical to Hide a Metamour’s Insecurity From Your Partner? Or More Ethical to Tell Them?

Fall 2010

One night, my boyfriend Rob called me on the phone after his wife Michelle left for the library. It was a low-key conversation. Just chitchat, really. We weren’t even having phone sex or anything. At least not yet, although in recent weeks, we’d fallen into a habit of sliding into phone sex after initial introductions.  » Read more

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The Deer with the Broken Leg: The Risk of Loving the Wounded

“If you go out to your car to get anything, be careful,” Justin’s mother says. “Look out first to make sure the deer isn’t there.”

She tells us that there’s a young deer with a broken leg who lives nearby. He likes to sleep right next to her front door to get away from other animals.  » Read more

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What Is Romance? What Makes Hooking Up and Hanging Out Different Than a Relationship?

If Labels Are for Organization, Then I Guess I’m a Bit of a Mess

“So what are you looking for? Something casual? Dating? A relationship? Something romantic?” she asks me.

And it takes me a long time to formulate an answer to the question. Not because I’m not interested. And not because I don’t care about her.  » Read more

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The Padded Kink Resume: A Hypeman, a Frank Discloser, and a Failure to Communicate

“Are you going to be okay if you see me playing with someone else?” he asks me.

“Of course,” I say. I reiterate to him that I spent several years on the scene before taking a break from public play parties. That I’ve seen partners play with others in the past.  » Read more

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PQ 14.5 — Is everyone affected by the agreement at the table negotiating it?

PQ 14.5 — Is everyone affected by the agreement at the table negotiating it?

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Ooooo… This one is a flashback:  PQ 10.3 – Does everyone affected by the agreement have the opportunity to be involved in setting its terms?

In that piece, I talk about a situation in which you answer an ad to live with two roommates only to find that they’ve unilaterally decided that not only are you paying a third of the rent (which is fair),  » Read more

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PQ 14.4 — What will happen if someone breaks the agreement? Do we have a path for reestablishing trust?

PQ 14.4 — What will happen if someone breaks the agreement? Do we have a path for reestablishing trust?

Consequences and Accountability

“I guess I just don’t see the difference between setting a boundary and making an ultimatum,” the young man says. He’s come up to me after the class I’m teaching.

You’ve clearly had experiences that make you feel that way,  » Read more

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A Perfectionist Circle: How I Became Attracted to Work Ethic

I don’t know how it happened, but I seem to have become someone that is attracted primarily to ambition. Passion. Work ethic.

And completely turned off by laziness.

The Lazy One

I’m the child of two perfectionists. No matter what I did, it was never good enough. My parents were very quick to point out my mistakes and very quiet about my successes.  » Read more

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Fet Lag: The Time Between Objectification and Respect

I cross-post a fair number of Poly.Land articles to FetLife, which is basically Facebook for kinksters.

When you post a new writing on FetLife, it goes to a special category called Fresh & Pervy. There, other users can browse the newest content that people have posted (writing, pictures, videos).

These days I have a large readership on FetLife that is very active and engaged (you rock!),  » Read more

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Not Permission, Not Chaos: Toward a Buy-In Model of Polyamory

It can be a difficult balance to strike in polyamory: How to add new partners to an existing relationship system without upsetting the relationships that are already in place.

A number of common strategies exist. Some relationship systems have extensive permission structures in place. Existing partners are consulted and each is called upon to approve or veto potential new relationships.  » Read more

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I Love Not Having to Pretend I’ve Never Been in Love with Anyone Else

People Have a Way of Acting as Mirrors

“Sometimes I wonder if I put the people in my life through too much by writing about them,” I say.

She shakes her head. “I think we learn a lot about ourselves from how we deal with other people,” she says. “And your posts are a reflection of that.  » Read more

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