Allison Gilbert's Blog, page 2

Top Sex Professor Looking for Love: A world-renowned expert on human sexuality, celebrated for his expertise in intimacy and connection, finds himself navigating the tender and uncharted territory of dating after loss

Want to have great sex? For world-renowned human sexuality professor Dr. William Yarber, now in his 41st year of teaching at Indiana University, there’s no big secret. Continue Reading

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Long After ‘Sexually Speaking,’ Dr. Ruth Taught Me About Friendship

Even when she was talking about sex on her late-night radio show, Dr. Ruth Westheimer was focused on human connections. Continue Reading

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Opinion: Dr. Ruth taught us not only about sex but also chosen family

Dr. Ruth, the trailblazing sex therapist, spent a lifetime of creating something from nothing, including a family to call her own. Continue Reading

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Dr. Ruth Saved People’s Sex Lives. Now She Wants to Cure Loneliness.

Taking the lessons of pandemic isolation — and her adolescent diary — Dr. Ruth Westheimer, 95, decided she should be New York’s Loneliness Ambassador. And so she is. Continue Reading

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Huzzah! My New Book Cover!

Here she is!! The cover of my new book, Listen, World!: How the Intrepid Elsie Robinson Became America’s Most-Read Woman. The book comes out September 27, 2022. You can pre-order it here. 

At 35, Elsie feared she’d lost it all. Reeling from a scandalous divorce in 1917, she had no means to support herself and her chronically ill son. She dreamed of becoming a writer and was willing to sacrifice everything for this goal, even swinging a pickax in a gold mine to pay the bills.

When the mine shut down, she moved to the Bay Area. Armed with moxie and samples of her work, she barged into the offices of the Oakland Tribune and was hired on the spot. She went on to become a nationally syndicated columnist and household name whose “Listen, World!” column ran for more than 30 years and garnered millions of  readers.

Elsie took a gamble on self-fulfillment, and I’m certain you’ll find her story as inspiring as I do – no matter what your goals are. I’ve come to love Elsie, and Julia Scheeres and I can’t wait to share her with you!

Why did I write a biography about a woman you’ve likely never heard of? I didn’t know anything about Elsie either when I began researching her life 11 years ago. But when I discovered a poem she wrote (I found it in my childhood home after my mother died), I was absolutely captivated and driven to learn more. Read the piece I wrote for Moms Don’t Have Time to Grieve about this life-changing moment.

Be first to hear Elsie updates by joining my newsletter list. Join a growing group of readers as we learn from Elsie’s triumphs (and mistakes!) and how she persevered to fulfill her most pressing professional and personal dreams. 

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The Grief Crisis Is Coming

For each person who dies of Covid-19, experts say there are at least nine newly bereaved. We must begin to address the toll. Continue Reading

My Favorite Poem

After my mother died, I found this typewritten poem stashed in a book that had belonged to her. Reading it, so deep in my grief, I felt equal blows of tough-love and compassion. My mother’s parenting style was steeped in that dichotomy: She loved me so fiercely, so unconditionally, she’d sooner let me fail than rescue me. Reading the poem that day, attributed to Elsie Robinson, it was my mother’s voice that filled my ears....

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my favorite poem

After my mother died, I found this typewritten poem stashed in a book that had belonged to her. Reading it, so deep in my grief, I felt equal blows of tough-love and compassion. My mother’s parenting style was steeped in that dichotomy: She loved me so fiercely, so unconditionally, she’d sooner let me fail than rescue me. I’d learn best, she might have said, if I understood life as a case study in cause and effect. Reading the poem that day, attributed to Elsie Robinson, it was my mother’s voice that filled my ears. And that felt welcome, needed, and healing.

But who was Elsie Robinson? I had never heard the name before and have spent much of the last 20 years finding out. In my research for my forthcoming book, the first biography of Robinson (1883-1956), I’ve learned she was once the highest paid nationally syndicated female columnist at Hearst. She was a writer who gave a voice to a generation of women and launched a movement that decades later included Betty Friedan, Gloria Steinem, and Dorothy Pitman Hughes. Researching and writing this biography has created a new, living connection to my mother, as if she’s sitting next to me as I type. 

Below is the poem I found more than 25 years ago. I’ve written it out for you, in its entirety. I hope it brings you as much comfort as it’s brought me. To learn more about Robinson and keep up to date on the book’s progress, please join my newsletter list. I promise not to bombard you; I send notes only once a month.

 

PAIN by Elsie Robinson

Why must I be hurt?
Suffering and despair,
Cowardice and cruelty,
Envy and injustice,
All of these hurt.
Grief and terror,
Loneliness and betrayal
And the agony of loss or death –
All these things hurt.
Why? Why must life hurt?
Why must those who love generously,
Live honorably, feel deeply
All that is good – and beautiful
Be so hurt,
While selfish creatures
Go unscathed?
That is why—
Because they can feel.
Hurt is the price to pay for feeling.
Pain is not accident,
Nor punishment, nor mockery
By some savage god.
Pain is part of growth.
The more we grow
The more we feel –
The more we feel – the more we suffer,
For if we are able to feel beauty,
We must also feel the lack of it –
Those who glimpse heaven
Are bound to sight hell.
To have felt deeply is worth
Anything it cost.
To have felt Love and Honor,
Courage and Ecstasy
Is worth – any price.
And so – since hurt is the price
Of Larger living, I will not
Hate pain, nor try to escape it.
Instead I will try to meet it
Bravely, bear it proudly:
Not as a cross, or a misfortune, but an
Opportunity, a privilege, a challenge – to the God that
gropes within me.

2020 Gift List for Grievers

Facing the holidays without your loved one is hard. Covid-19 makes it harder. Our inability to gather with friends and family, to receive hugs and kisses, is leaving too many of us feeling unmoored and alone. 

So, here’s what I’ve done:

I’ve created a holiday gift list for grievers and those who love them. What will you find below? Presents that demonstrate you understand this holiday season is unlike any other. And because self-care following loss is so important, I encourage you to put yourself on your holiday gift list, too.

Here’s my 2020 Gift List for Grievers.

Here are ten unique gift ideas that I’ve personally curated to help bring a measure of joy and meaning to your holiday season.

1. Family Recipe Card Set

With this special recipe card kit, you’ll be able to preserve cherished recipes and the memories they hold. Unlike typical recipe cards, this collection comes with “Recipe for Remembering” pages with tips for recording your food-related memories and strategies for getting your family involved.

2. Tembi Locke’s Self-Study Course

Tembi Locke launched her acting career on “The Fresh Prince of Bel Air.” Fast forward to roles on “NCIS: LA” and the Netflix series, “Never Have I Ever,” and Tembi is making her mark on Hollywood. But it’s her e-course, inspired by the loss of her husband and her bestselling book, From Scratch: A Memoir of Love, Sicily, and Finding Home, that earns her a coveted spot on this list. “From Scratch @ Home” is a feel-good course designed to help individuals heal through cooking.

3. Photo Gifts That Go Beyond a Frame

Pictures spark memories and research shows feelings of nostalgia have the capacity to make us happier. These custom gift ideas from 365Canvas ensure friends and family will feel especially adored and special. Presents include everyday use items, including mugs, pillows, and cozy throw blankets. Get creative here!

4. The AfterGrief by Hope Edelman

Hope Edelman is an inspiration to me and a trailblazer in the grief community. Her new book, The AfterGrief: Finding Your Way Along the Long Arc of Loss, guides readers in how to embrace life after loss with newfound understanding and compassion. Last week I had the pleasure of interviewing Hope about her new book. Watch the event recording here.

5. Passed and Present  by me!

Ok, please forgive this self-indulgent plug. My book, Passed and Present, is a one-of-a-kind guide that reveals 85 imaginative ways to remember the family and friends you never want to forget. If you send me an email (allison@allisongilbert.com) with the name of the recipient, along with proof of purchase, I’ll send you a FREE custom bookplate to place inside the front cover. Note: Due to cost of postage, this offer is only available within the United States.

6. Online Course with Grief Therapist Claire Bidwell Smith

Claire Bidwell Smith is a grief therapist, blogger, and author. She’s also the creator of a mini meditation and journaling e-course I just love. What I especially appreciate about this course is that it’s so very welcoming of beginners. No prior experience is necessary and all meditations are guided. All you have to do is grab your EarPods and listen.

7. Make a Donation in the Name of Your Loved One

Scroll to the bottom of this page to the “Donate Now” button and add your loved one’s name to the digital remembrance wall. Your donation will help What’s Your Grief, a free platform focusing on grief education and expression, to continue providing essential services to anyone who has experienced a loss. I’m proud to know the co-founders, Eleanor Haley and Litsa Williams, and these two amazing women are the real deal.

8. BIPOC Course on a “Good Death”

“Shifting Deathcare: Tools for a New Paradigm” is a course created by five Black women. The program is designed for anyone who wants to gain a better understanding of the challenges all people face at the end of life and how to tackle them directly with love and compassion.

9. Objects and Heirlooms E-Course

Since we’re all spending so much time at home these days…please forgive this moment of timely self-promotion: In my new e-course, you’ll learn how to clear clutter while transforming sentimental objects into treasured heirlooms. Use the code LAUNCH30 when you purchase all 4 courses to get an extra $30 off already reduced launch pricing. This is a great gift for yourself or someone you love.

10. Digitize Memories with LegacyBox

LegacyBox makes digitizing photos, VHS tapes, film reels, audio tapes, and more super easy. All you have to do is gather up your items, place them in a box, and the magicians at LegacyBox do the rest. Pair with this bonus gift idea: For creative ways to get even more pleasure from photographs, check out my Photos & More e-course.

More Thoughtful Gift Ideas

Want additional ideas? Check out my previous posts about creating meaningful holiday moments here, here, and in the 2019 Gift List for Grievers, here,

I maintain a strict editorial policy. Newsletters may contain links and mentions of products from my affiliate partners. This helps support the free content I provide here and on my blog.

Pandemic Grandparenting, Beyond the Dreary Video Calls

As a veteran television journalist, Sally-Ann Roberts knows how to tame an unsteady landscape and will it into submission. She survived 40 years reporting and anchoring the news for WWL-TV in New Orleans, covering 10 races for mayor and in 2005, Hurricane Katrina, a storm that submerged four-fifths of the city in water and left her rebuilding her home for nearly two unforgiving years. But as far as grandparenting during the coronavirus pandemic, she says...

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