Catherine Pearlman's Blog, page 11

Weaning Security Blankets and a Nurse's Friend for 03/17/2017

Dear Family Coach: My 12-year-old son still likes sleeping with a small security blanket, stuffed animals and a dream light. At what point will he outgrow such things? Or do we need to wean him off them? — Uneasy Dad

Dear Uneasy: I grew up with a Snoopy doll that acted as my security blanket. He followed me to camp, and even to college. My mother used to joke I would have to give him up or I'd never get married. Guess what happened. The day I got married, Snoopy sat on my bed waiting for me to come home with my husband. Somehow, my beloved stuffed animal didn't prevent me from accomplishing anything I set out to do.

Updated: Fri Mar 17, 2017

Constant Meltdowns and Embarrassing Tantrums for 03/11/2017

Dear Family Coach: My son seems more prone to crying breakdowns than other kids his age. He usually melts down over simple disappointments, like another kid not sharing or having to leave the park. We've tried empathy, hugs, humor and distraction, but it seems that he just needs to sooth himself. Waiting for him to recover can be frustrating. Are his overreactions something we should discipline, or will they disappear with emotional development? — Sick of Crying

Dear Sick: Sounds like your son is sensitive and may have some trouble with transitions. But the good news is he seems to know how to get over it in his own time. While I think empathy, hugs and humor are all great tools for parents to use, he might be more upset in response. Every attempt to cheer him up could lengthen the episode.

Updated: Sat Mar 11, 2017

A Friend's Divorce and a Loud Toddler for 03/10/2017

Dear Family Coach: We just found out that our good friends are separating. My daughter is best friends with their 8-year-old daughter. Our families spend a lot of time together, celebrating holidays, taking vacations and helping care for each other's kids. Everyone is so upset. Now we aren't sure where our allegiance should be and how to help the girls stay friends throughout the adjustment. How do we move forward? — At a Loss

Dear At a Loss: This is a pretty sticky situation. It will be difficult to maintain the same closeness you had prior to the separation. In fact, it's impossible. But you can help forge positive relationships all around for the future.

Updated: Fri Mar 10, 2017

Ballet for Boys and an Unfair Teacher for 03/04/2017

Dear Family Coach: My 8-year-old son loves dance. He has taken some classes at school. For his birthday this year, he requested ballet slippers, and now he wants to take ballet lessons. I fully support his decision. But I am incredibly worried he will get mercilessly teased if he goes through with it. Should I still let him get into ballet? — Worried

Dear Worried: I understand your concern, and it's well-intentioned. Ultimately, though, it's misguided. The gender norm is that ballet is for little girls in pink tutus. Boys play with trucks and get dirty. In reality, gender is much more fluid, with crossover for both sexes. Left to their own devices, many boys could be interested in what is typically thought of as for girls. Boys can like cooking and pink and dress-up. Likewise, girls can like trains and robots.

Updated: Sat Mar 04, 2017

Repressed Feelings and Family Charity for 03/03/2017

Dear Family Coach: My 10-year-old son refuses hugs and kisses. He won't say "I love you" either. It really hurts because he used to run into my arms and tell me sweet words. I respect his boundaries, but I worry that he is stifling his feelings in an unhealthy way. He assures me that he does love me. Still, what can I do to help him express himself more? — Loving Mom

Dear Mom: While it may be painful for you that your son doesn't show his love with words and hugs, it shouldn't necessarily be an area of concern. Some people are comfortable being more demonstrative. They gush love with hugs and kisses and the sweetest of sweet statements. That isn't your son. Others show their love with subtle gestures and statements. It may take reading between the lines sometimes, but I bet your son still expresses his love for you. It's best to put those memories of snuggles away for now instead of trying to pull them out of him. You'll likely end up pushing him further away. His discomfort will be present, and he could shy away from any affection.

Updated: Fri Mar 03, 2017

Skipping the Breast for the Bottle and Relentless Advice for 02/25/2017

Dear Family Coach: I'm about to have my second son. I tried to breast-feed the first one but gave up after six weeks of hell. I don't even want to try this time, but my husband and friends are pressuring me. If I hear one more time how breast is best, I'm going to scream. Is it OK to just go right to formula? — Bottle Best Mom

Dear Mom: Extensive research does show that breastmilk offers distinct advantages for moms and babies. Breast-fed babies have a lower risk of asthma, obesity, respiratory infections, SIDS and Type 2 diabetes. Formula costs money and isn't as easily digested as breastmilk. Plus, preparing and cleaning those bottles is a pain.

Updated: Sat Feb 25, 2017

Mom Left out and Fear of Independence for 02/24/2017

Dear Family Coach: How do I keep from feeling like I'm back in junior high when I see all the other moms at school socializing but I'm not included? — Left Out

Dear Left Out: In a way, the schoolyard for parents isn't that dissimilar from junior high. There are different groups of people. Some are friends. Some aren't. That's not necessarily a bad thing. Would you honestly want to be friends with everyone who went to your school? I doubt it.

Updated: Fri Feb 24, 2017

Poor Organizational Skills and Allowance for 02/18/2017

Dear Family Coach: My child has terrible organizational skills, as do I. He has trouble keeping track of his work and belongings. Since I struggle as much as he does, how can I help him? — Messy Mom

Dear Messy: It is a challenge to assist children with issues that plague us as well. But there is help out there for both of you.

Updated: Sat Feb 18, 2017

Private School Woes and Kissing for 02/17/2017

Dear Family Coach: My 11-year-old son attends an expensive private school. We're not as wealthy as many of his classmates' families. My son feels lacking by comparison. How do I help him appreciate what he has and give him some perspective? — Discouraged Dad

Dear Dad: Perspective comes with distance and time. It is impossible for your son to fully understand the complexities of wealth at his age. However, the lessons you teach now about money and your values will set in when he is older.

Updated: Fri Feb 17, 2017

Constant Headphones and Bed-Wetting for 02/11/2017

Dear Family Coach: My daughter is constantly wearing her headphones. She wears them around the house and in the car, even when it is just the two of us. She insists she can hear me when I'm speaking to her. How can I get her to take them off? — Tuned Out Mom

Dear Tuned Out: I enjoy music as much as anyone, but I know that it is rude and disrespectful to have a conversation with someone while listening to music on headphones. I'm pretty sure you know it, too, but unfortunately no one has yet to relay the message to your daughter. It is your duty to teach your children what is socially acceptable and what isn't. It is not OK for your daughter to tune you or anyone else out.

Updated: Sat Feb 11, 2017