Catherine Pearlman's Blog, page 7

Running After the Mean Girls and an Ignoring Stepdaughter for 07/29/2017

Dear Family Coach: My 7-year-old daughter is not very savvy on the playground. She is constantly chasing after the "mean girls" because she says they play more exciting games than her own friends. Should we be helping her understand that it is better to hang with those who appreciate her and want her around, even if the game is a little bit boring, rather than trying to play the more exciting games with the girls who barely give her the time of day? — Playground Mom

Dear Playground: Your daughter is experimenting with the playground social hierarchy. Friendships shift constantly as children grow. Navigating the social system is arduous, even for adults. Your daughter might need your input on this one at some point. But maybe not yet.

Updated: Sat Jul 29, 2017

A Shaggy-Haired Grandson and a Young Fan of Rap Music for 07/28/2017

Dear Family Coach: My family is throwing a party for my father's 65th birthday, and my mother told me to cut my 13-year-old son's hair or not bring him along. Do I haul my kid to a barber over his objections, or is it OK to leave him at home? Help! — Dad in the Middle

Dear In the Middle: It must be incredibly sad to see your parents throw down a cold-hearted ultimatum. They clearly have an image of what a young man should look like and, regrettably, it isn't the image of your son. I would never recommend involuntarily butchering a pubescent teen's hair. That's the time in a person's life when identity is being formed. One's appearance is extremely central to that identity. It would be a colossal assault to make him cut off his hair.

Updated: Fri Jul 28, 2017

Little Miss Know-It-All and a Defiant Boy for 07/22/2017

Dear Family Coach: Sometimes I notice that my child acts like a know-it-all. She is constantly raising her hand in class and telling her friends the best way to do play a game or do any task. Her friends are getting annoyed, and I see how it causes her to struggle socially. How can I help her work better with her peers? — Know-It-All's Mom

Dear Mom: There are several reasons you may be raising a know-it-all. Your daughter might be highly intelligent and simply interested in sharing her knowledge. She might also have a fragile self-esteem. In other words, she acts like a know-it-all because she is afraid kids won't like her if she acts like herself. Lastly, your daughter might have difficulty reading social situations. She likely doesn't understand the effect her actions have on her peers. I bet she is struggling with one or more of these reasons.

Updated: Sat Jul 22, 2017

The Front Seat and Bickering Siblings for 07/21/2017

Dear Family Coach: My wife lets my 10-year-old sit in the front seat of the car. She says it's no big deal, but it freaks me out. Am I overreacting? — Scared Dad

Dear Dad: You aren't overreacting. The safest place for a child to ride in the car is buckled up in the back seat. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and the American Academy of Pediatrics, in the absence of state regulations, recommend that a child under the age of 13 sit in the back seat. Why? Because car accidents are a leading cause of death and severe injury in children, and air bags in the front seat contribute to the danger.

Updated: Fri Jul 21, 2017

Costume Dreams and Game Night Resistance for 07/15/2017

Dear Family Coach: Last year, my daughter, who was 8 years old, wanted her own Halloween costume to be her favorite singer, Lady Gaga. The costume was sparkly and glittery and revealed a lot of skin. I was uncomfortable with it and promised to get it next year. I figured she'd forget, but she keeps mentioning her Lady Gaga costume, even though Halloween is months away. I don't know what to do. The costume makes her look like a Vegas showgirl. But I gave my word. What to do? — Conservative Mom

Dear Mom: Oops, you made one of the classic parenting blunders. You made a promise hoping your Lady Gaga-obsessed daughter would forget. Of course she didn't forget. She's 8, not 2. She loves her some Lady Gaga and wants to dress like her idol. You should never have tried to push it off or make her forget. Now you have to live up to your word, lest you want to teach her that words mean nothing.

Updated: Sat Jul 15, 2017

Overeating Boys and a Strong-Willed Girl for 07/14/2017

Dear Family Coach: My boys, 10 and 11 years old, are terrific eaters. They love fruits and vegetables and trying all kinds of new foods. But their appetites have grown, and they seem to be getting a little chunky. How can I help them lose a few pounds without ruining their love of eating? — Food Lover, Too

Dear Food Lover: Wow, you've somehow cracked the picky eating code. It's terrific that your boys love food and are adventurous eaters. They sound like a pleasure to have around the dining table. However, it is still a good idea to make sure you are creating healthy eating habits.

Updated: Fri Jul 14, 2017

A Gentleman's Club and a Homesick Camper for 07/08/2017

Dear Family Coach: My son turns 18 in a couple of weeks, and for his birthday he asked me to take him to a strip club. I'm divorced from his mom, and he knows I go to gentleman's clubs every so often. But this feels sort of ... wrong. How should I handle this? — A Gentleman

Dear Gentleman: A gentleman? I'm not so sure. As a woman, I have a hard time with educating children to view other women solely as sex objects placed on the planet to satisfy the male sex drive. It's true that your son is 18 and legally an adult. But you indoctrinated him into this culture years ago when you let him know of your interest in watching naked women dance around you for money.

Women have every right to make money as they so choose. But most women at that club are probably dancing because they are out of options. They may make good money, but at what cost? You didn't mention a daughter, but if you had one, would you want her dancing for men like you? I doubt most parents dream of this life for their girls.

Updated: Sat Jul 08, 2017

Unholy Holocaust Remembrance and a Pet Snake for 07/07/2017

Dear Family Coach: My grandmother died in a concentration camp in the Holocaust. This might sound weird, but as a tribute to her memory, my 20-year-old daughter wants to find out her camp number and have it tattooed on her body. She views this as a beautiful ode, however, I am beyond horrified. Legally, I can't do anything. But what can I say to make my feelings clear? — Sad Dad

Dear Dad: Your daughter wants to honor the great-grandmother she never knew. She doesn't want the world to forget what happened to her. Her great-grandmother existed before the horror of the Holocaust killed her. In your daughter's mind, how better to be connected to her than to share the same tattoo she had? Your daughter's tribute is a beautiful thought, but her logic is supremely flawed.

Updated: Fri Jul 07, 2017

Homosexual Mothers and a Crier for 07/01/2017

Dear Family Coach: I'm a Christian, and I believe homosexuality is a sin. My daughter is friends with a girl who is being raised by two mothers. They seem like perfectly nice people, but I do not approve of their lifestyle and do not want their choices to rub off on my child. Is it OK for me to not let her see her friend, or at least keep her from visiting her house? — Principles Mom

Dear Mom: You may be a Christian, but I don't think you are upholding those values as much as I believe you could be. I don't agree with you about homosexuality, but you are entitled to your beliefs and values. You may teach your children as you see fit. However, I don't think you are practicing tolerance and acceptance. Imagine if the family with two mothers told their kid she shouldn't play with your child because you are the sinner. How would you feel? Imagine how your child would feel. I'm guessing pretty crappy.

Updated: Sat Jul 01, 2017

Picky Preschooler and Star-Crossed Teen for 06/30/2017

Dear Family Coach: Our 3-year-old daughter is insanely picky. She eats nothing! We are serving her chicken fingers, meatballs, noodles, cheese and yogurt most of the time. She won't touch anything green. How do I get her to eat vegetables? — Frustrated

Dear Frustrated: Your daughter doesn't eat nothing. While it may seem like she refuses everything, she does eat a small variety of meat, grain and dairy. It is limited, but it's a good place to begin growing her tastes.

Updated: Fri Jun 30, 2017