Bridget Chase's Blog, page 8
July 20, 2018
Inside the Book: Wax Museum in Space- A Paranormal Comedy Short Story by Bridget Chase
A group of teens travel through the dark-black-ass-crack of space. When they happen upon an abandoned space station, the teens never expected to find a fucking mad-shit crazy wax museum inside. Fuck Leprechaun in Space. This is the real cavern of bent ’80s Creature Feature’ madness.
Sample:
Chapter 1
Lights flashed and the radars sounded.
“Shit,” Aaron climbed into the cockpit. “Looks like we have something ahead.”
Kate jumped in the seat beside him and worked the glowing holographic controls. “What is it?” she asked.
Aaron stretched the image with his hands on the desktop hologram. “Looks like an old station.”
“BEKAH!” Marcus said entering the control deck. Some of his green feathers fell to the floor.
Michelle came in behind him. She zipped up her jump suite covering her cleavage. “What’s going on?” Michelle asked.
“We don’t know,” Aaron turned back to them. “Looks like an ancient space station but there should be nothing out here. It’s not a logged location.”
“BEKAH, space station,” Marcus said and came to Aarons side and the two of them peered at the small 3D projected image.
It looked like a rusty engine floating in the black void. Debris floated around it like a junkyard aura.
“What do we got?” Jody came up behind Michelle. Jody’s glasses were a little askew and her hair was misshaped from sleeping.
“We don’t know,” Michelle said. “Looks like some forgotten space station.”
Jody got up on tippy toes and looked over Michelle’s shoulder.
Pandora’s box glowed in the projection like a garage science experiment left outside in the elements.
“Look at that thing,” Kate said. She leaned on the control deck.
Aaron looked at the way her tits hung in her tank top. Beautiful!
Marcus checked the reading. “BEKAH, look at that thing.”
“I’ve seen pictures,“ Aaron said, “But never thought they could still be out here.”
“This is perfect you guys,” Michelle said. “Our blog has been all about beach like habitats on remote planets. This can be just the unique thing we need to get new followers for our blog.”
Jody squeezed in and joined the cramped cockpit. “She’s right. We can market it as spooky and target people that value Halloween content.”
Marcus and Aaron exchanged looks.
Kate nodded to Aaron. She knew they could use the extra traffic to get better advertising rates on their blog.
“Let’s do it,” Aaron said. “We can go explore it. We’ve been needing a little variety of content.”
Kate looked at the glowing hologram. I wonder what’s inside?
Chapter 2
PSSSHHH!
The station door slid open. The team of teens gathered in the decontamination chamber.
“Readings are good,” Aaron said. Graph bars equalized on his digital visor.
“Air samples are good,” Kate said using a little instrument.
Jody and Michelle enter behind Marcus.
Marcus looked around the rusted out interior. “BEKAH, no don’t stick it there.”
Michelle quickly slapped Marcus’ arm. “Hush, not now.”
The door hissed and closed.
Heavy blasts of air beat their bodies.
“What do you think we will find in a place like this?” Jody asked.
Aaron’s breathing was heavy in the mic. “No idea. Most likely was abandoned and forgotten about.”
The chamber beeped and Kate checked the stats. She nodded to the group and unlatched her helmet.
Marcus took a deep breath of air and extended his winged arms in a mating display. He bumped Michelle’s back.
“Marcus, stop. Not now.”
The rest of the teen team took their helmets off.
“Okay,” Jody said, “let’s try to stay tight. Michelle see what you can find out.”
Michelle pulled out a biological detector.
Aaron pulled the door release and it hissed open. “Lights on,” he said.
Their shoulder flashlights cut slivers in the dark passageway ahead.
“FUCK!”
They all fucking jumped as their lights revealed figures in the darkness.
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July 18, 2018
Inside the Book: 1983 by Bridget Chase: A Science Fiction Short Story
Sylvester Stallone finds himself burdened by the task of writing the screenplay, ‘Stayin’ Alive’. A dark figure appears that claims to be able to help him create a masterpiece. Sly questions his sanity, but something larger seems to be invested in the future of the movie.
John Travolta, while waiting for the script to be finished, becomes infatuated with a women from his dreams. Every night while he sleeps, he sees her at a train station, but is unable to get close to her. During the day, to combat the growing heart ache, John loses himself to the pleasures of a Virtual Reality world.
Yvonne Strahovski works as an actress. ‘Neural Recorder’s have left her feeling empty in her work. Worse off, she nightly dreams about a man at a train station that she can never quite reach.
‘Stayin’ Alive’ premiered at American Theaters in 1983, but the real story behind its creation is ‘one’ hidden in the Hollywood shadows.
Sample:
Chapter 1
CLAKKKK-KKKK! SHIK-KA-BOOOOM!
John Travolta tipped his head back with a laugh. Evil spilled from his lips in heavy breaths. He swiveled the heavy turret gun that pressed against his chest. A police car exploded in tight flames, flipped, and smashed into two police cars behind in pursuit.
John squeezed the triggers. The huge gun pounded in deep reverberations. His arms shook. Rows of sparks came alive on the metal bodies of police cars chasing him. His heart sang in destructive glory.
The modified military jeep drove the underground ‘Tulsa Superhighway’. The tunnel was lit-up by flashing sparks birthed from hot bullets eating metal. Passenger and commercial vehicles raced towards them at over one hundred and fifty miles per hour. The ‘self-driving AI program’ was being put to the test; having to quickly group and move cars away from the violence being dished out by Travolta.
John’s crime partner Gabriel Shear, an AI digital program- fashioned after Travolta’s future role in the movie ‘Swordfish’, steered the jeep through the underground tunnel.
Gabriel Shear didn’t need to worry about a wreck. With the automated programs, everything got out of their way. The other cars on the road were fixed to AI controlled sleds that governed their movements.
John barred his teeth and fired.
Police cars crashed together. Metal bent and windows shattered. The blaring horns cried for mercy at destruction’s grip on the world.
A savvy police officer slipped past his comrades and tried to gain position at the side off the jeep.
Travolta was having none of it. CLAKKK-KKKK!
He shot the tires out. The police car swerved, smashing, BOOOM! Into the tunnel wall and flipped. Flames engulfed the wreckage.
CRASH! It blocked the road. The coming police cars piled up.
The AI program in charge of the underground superhighway, diverted vehicles back to the surface- avoiding a blockage.
John climbed down into the cab from the jeep’s roof turret. The road was clear. Gabriel put a cigarette between his lips. He steered the car with one hand and sparked a lighter with the other. “Where to now?”
John thought for a moment. Monday mornings were the worst. He needed something exciting. “Fuck it. Let’s get waisted.”
“You got it boss,” Gabriel said. He removed the cigarette from his lips and blew dancing tendrils of overlapping quantum fields into the air.
The highway’s lights played neon streaks across the jeep’s black glossy surface. Synthwave music played in its interior.
Ahead, the sun shone down through regularly spaced rectangular segments where vehicles were lifted to the surface.
∞
He turned off the TV. Sylvester Stallone walked over to his desk that stood next to blacked out windows. An old school typewriter was on his desk. Just the kind of machine he liked using for typing screen plays.
Sly’s eyes were bloodshot. The lack of sleep abused him.
With the windows painted black, the noon sun was eliminated. Darkness crawled through his apartment.
Stallone sat. He looked at the curled paper on the typewriter. ‘Stayin’ Alive by Sylvester Stallone’ was all he had written.
With the cover page done, he pulled it out, and put in a fresh white sheet.
The blank page taunted his creativity. Stallone got up and moved to his couch. A warm knitted blanket lay over its back.
He wrapped the soft woven fabric around his shoulders and curled up. The perfect screen play- it was an elusive beast. Stallone wanted to make a movie that found new places in the human heart. Something that reflected the ‘true ember’ of humanity. He wanted it to burn in people’s souls- licked by the dancing flames of perfection.
Books lay piled up on his coffee table. Shakespeare’s ‘Romeo and Juliet’ was at the top of the stack. It was a small book, but something inside himself said to pick it up.
Sly lifted it and opened the cover.
“Two households, both alike in dignity,” Stallone began to read.
His cat, Kurt Wussels, walked casually across the back of the couch. It stepped on Stallone’s shoulder and rubbed its cheek against him. Kurt Wussels laid down and napped against Stallone’s neck.
∞
She looked down at herself. The blue dress floated ‘as if’ she were in water.
Yvonne Strahovski had been here before. Almost nightly now she dreamt the same dream. She didn’t know why.
Yvonne stood at the center of a moving mass of people in what felt like a train station. Colors slipped in languid threads. Her attention twisted to sudden oscillating planes of focus.
Yvonne tried to stay asleep. She wanted to find answers to what this meant. Over the course of the past two weeks, she had come here nightly, and every night, there was a mysterious man.
She never quite saw him but the narrative directing the dream made this man central to the dialog.
People passed and pressed by her. Yvonne moved forward. Her eyes searched the crowd for him. She knew he would be here, and tonight she would finally get close to him.
Her dream always ended in the same way- frustration. She would see the mysterious man in the distance. He would wave, and they would move towards one other. The ironic storyteller in all its subconscious perplexities, wove the dream so the closer she tried to get, the further she moved away.
The blue dress slipped around Yvonne’s slim legs. Her blonde hair bounced, kissing her shoulders with each step.
Magic of differentiated time moved the people in a chaotic, unstable maze.
In the space between people’s murky profiles, she caught a glimpse of the man. His dark eyes found her. A smile stole his chiseled jaw.
Following the next step, space became her enemy. With every movement towards him, the ‘rubix cube’ dream space became distorted and twisted.
Now the man was further away. She turned. He was looking for her. They caught eyes and a train whistle sliced through the moment.
Space was sheered and Yvonne saw him on the far side of the tracks. Shit, she could feel the covers draping her body in bed.
The crowd of people weren’t people anymore but instead a light drifting sound. The murmurs and ‘whispered words’ melted down to a single slow breath.
All the noise wove itself to a quiet snore. Yvonne awoke. Her dog lay in bed next to her. Its light breathing held all the pieces of the forgotten world.
Chapter 2
John Travolta woke up. Lemon rays of the sun spilt across his white bed sheets. He sat up and stretched. Lean lines traced the contours of his muscles.
He walked to the bathroom. John toyed with his disheveled black hair.
Looking in the mirror, he thought about the woman in the blue dress. Why could he not stop dreaming of her? The memory of her flowery hair birthed sharp barbs of longing desire.
After getting out of the shower, he decided it was silly to be so love struck over an imaginary woman. She wasn’t even real. Besides, he had a bank to rob today.
John threw on his favorite robe. It was a little grungy from old food stains and sweat. He climbed into his favorite chair. With touch of the power button, a low hum emanated from the compact virtual reality platform. John slipped on the neural contacts, and then sat back, letting the sleep like paralysis take over.
A soft wind stole the world away and replaced it with a bustling city.
John took out his phone and called Gabriel.
“Yeah Boss?” Gabriel picked up.
“You ready for that bank robbery today?” John asked. He strutted down the 1970’s New York City sidewalk.
“I’ve been ready since you were last here.”
“Good,” John said, “And bring lots of guns. I’m feeling bad today.”
∞
The script became a growing irritation. Digesting festering emotions, Sylvester Stallone walked the streets of New York. His hands were buried in the tight pockets of his acid wash jeans. An oversized black leather jacket hid his shredded physique.
Thus far, the script called for Tony Manero, the lead character from ‘Saturday Night Fever’, to be a drug addict, and for his girlfriend to be a prostitute. Sequels were a bitch to write.
Sly didn’t like this angle. He loved disco and the club life. Dancing was an art that spun webs of sugary delights in his heart. Besides, this was Travolta playing Tony, he couldn’t be a loser drug addict.
Maybe it was reading Romeo and Juliet that had hindered his creative writing talent.
Sylvester Stallone entered Hanger National Bank. A rigid line stood before the tellers. He joined the other nondescript people waiting.
Sly didn’t worried over how much money was left in his bank account. ‘Stayin’ Alive’ held the weight of Hollywood on its shoulders.
Dear god, he just needed to write a good script. But how? Stallone closed his eyes and imagined the dance choreography.
“I will help you,” a woman’s voice broke through his mind.
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July 16, 2018
Inside the Book: Big Breasted Vampire Sluts by Bridget Chase- A Horror Comedy Short Story
The sudden appearance of a structure, nicknamed the Turquoise Palace, lures in a team of NASA scientists. Video footage recovered from a team member’s helmet cam showed something the government wasn’t prepared for. Scarlet is one of the missing scientists. Her husband Stud, journeys to the military outpost in Transylvania to find answers.
Sample- Chapter 1:
Dust swirled in the purple plum sunset. A distant light beckoned.
The ‘pimped out’ retro-fitted NASA rover, sped through the small village.
With the sun below the horizon, their destination, nicknamed Turquoise Palace, sparkled in the dying light.
(♪ Synthwave 80’s music played ♪)
Running lights danced on Cosmic Ray’s visor as he drove.
The rover was refabricated, resembling a sleek race car. The tires chewed the gravel.
He strangled the wheel. A tight harness held him to his seat. The vehicle bounced.
“Fifteen minutes till arrival,” Cosmic Ray said over the intercom.
The team member beside him, Scarlet, nodded. Her eyes were fixed on the glowing alien structure.
Ray looked in the rearview mirror. His other teammate sat unmoving.
In the back, Agent Repeat thought about the mission. Repeat was sure this was a suicide run. He looked out the side window. Endless woods containing hell waited. Repeat wondered what the two others had done to deserve being sent to Transylvania?
∞
“Play it again.”
Maloy watched. He hardly breathed.
Diggs tapped the screen.
It was footage from the team’s helmet cam.
“OH GOD! FUCK!” the guy screamed.
Their flashlights swirled over endless dark crevices.
Red eyes burned in the darkness.
Blurry things were there and then gone.
“This is Cosmic Ray’s helmet cam?” Maloy asked.
“Yes sir,” Diggs replied.
Ray spun.
Quick movements darted in front of him.
A woman screamed.
Ray opened fire.
Dusts and debris swirled across the camera lens.
Something moved in the mist.
“FUCK!” Ray shouted. Static abused the audio. His rifle flashed.
Something danced around in the dark fog.
“Pause it!” Maloy said.
The video stopped.
Diggs and Maloy leaned forward.
The screen reflected on his glasses
“I’ll be damned,” Diggs said.
“Fuck me.” Maloy rubbed his slack jaw, “What are we going to tell the Defense Board?”.
The image was blurred, but there was no denying what they saw.
“Big breasted Vampire Sluts,” Maloy said.
∞
(♪ Badass ‘trance inducing’ Synthwave music played ♪)
The red two door 1988 Pontiac Fiera raced through the empty night.
The dark forest- an empty expanse closed in.
With the windows down, the cool air blew over Stud’s tense face.
Music blared, rising into the abyss of the night.
Notes and rhythm, wrung images from Stud’s mind.
Greif pulled him. Questions drew him.
The headlights cut twin dragons out of the void.
All alone on the road, the world didn’t exist. Reality became the ten feet of concrete illuminated by the headlights, and the pain gripping his heart.
Chapter 2
SLIK SLAK! Cosmic Ray hit the dark wolf in the face. It stumbled back. He leveled his rifle and fired.
CLAK, CLAK, CLAK! Bullets blew holes in its chest.
The beast roared.
Scarlet came to Ray’s side after shooting down a blood thirsty bat. “We’re fucked,” she shouted.
The wolf, that walked on two legs, fell.
Ray moved quickly to its side. He squeezed the trigger unloading the whole mag into the things face.
Blood popped and flesh tore. Part of its nose ripped off and white skull crunched with holes.
The beast snarled.
CLAK, CLAK, CLAK! Scarlet shot at the swarming bats.
“Thing won’t fucking die,” Ray said.
The beast climbed to its feet as Ray reloaded.
Lighting bolted through the night sky. Water raged at the perilous rocks beside them.
The wolf ran forward.
Ray raised his rifle. When the wolf grabbed hold, he rolled back. Placing a foot to the wolf’s stomach, he threw it over the side of the cliff.
Off in the distance torches burned along the walls of a small village.
“Let’s move,” Scarlet said. One of her bullets tore through the eye of a bat. Black yogurt exploded from its head.
The two of them hurried along the wooded path. Small steams and rocky hills slowed their progress.
∞
The office was silent.
General Brick got up from his chair. He walked to the window. Pulling down the blinds he peered out.
Darkness weighed heavy on the landscape.
His eyes scanned the dark woods.
Only an hour ago, Maloy had shown him the footage. It was the militaries worst nightmare.
General Brick knew about NASA’s discover of ‘big breasted vampire sluts’ on the dark side of the moon.
But, now they were here, and in Transylvania of all places. He came back to his desk and sat.
Opening a bottom drawer, he pulled out a bottle of whiskey and a single glass.
Maybe I… He didn’t’ know what to do.
His team was gone and he was here, in this small military outpost, only miles way.
General Brick kicked back the whiskey. It burned his throat. A fogginess came over his mind.
He jumped when a hand caressed his shoulder.
The General quickly turned. He came face to face with gorgeous big tits.
He looked up. “Who, who?”
The gorgeous woman leaned down. Her cleavage was cupped in a dark leather corset. They were pressed together and in his face.
Her body was one of ‘nut busting’ dreams. Slim waist, provocative hips, lips of an orgasm, and tits that make men rocket cum like the floods of Noah.
“You reek of fear and…”
She leaned closer.
He felt her eyelashes tickle his cheek.
“Arousal.”
The General lost his breath when her hand cupped his crotch.
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July 14, 2018
Kindle Book ‘Two Years Long Time; Two Years, BANG BANG: 500,000 Words/ 2,000 Pages’
What’s up you guys,
My name is Bridget Chase. I write comedy short stories; funny ‘HAHA’, and ‘WHOA!’ bad ass action, stuff.
Take a minute and check out my titles. They are fun, fast, bite sized stories that fit easily into your day.
What is Himbi Fiction? It’s snack fiction. Action comedy short stories, with a roller coaster fast plot line- beautiful women, gun fights, humor, sex, destruction, and violent sh&t . You won’t find the meaning of life, or have a new ideology pressed upon you, just fun, politically incorrect entertainment.
Grab ya’ a copy and bring a little laughter, and ‘what the f&%’ to your day.
Two Years Long Time; Two Years, BANG BANG: 500,000 Words/ 2,000 Pages
This Kindle book is a collection of all of my writing over a two year period. If you’re an avid reader check it out.
Summary:
*1 Author
*2 Years
*500,000 words
*2,000 pages
*Over 600 Characters
*96 Short Stories
*3 Novels
*2 Novella
*Together in one book, ‘Two Years Long Time; Two Years, Bang Bang!’
This is a collection of most everything that I’ve written in the last two years from June 2016 to June 2018. The idea for compiling my writing into a very long book came from observing the growing success of long-form interviews and long-form blogs on YouTube. It made me think about the way we format our books. I realized that the standard 350 page novels, which we are accustomed to, has more to do with the manufacturing limitations (i.e. resources, printing cost, binding factors, shipping cost & shelf space limitations) and less to do with the author’s needs or readers desires. Kindle takes away those limitations of the past; yet, I haven’t seen authors take advantage of the new technology and what it has to offer- the possibility for any length of word count. I thought to myself, wouldn’t it be cool to have an author’s entire writing in a single collection? And, that’s what I did.
So, sitting before you, you have two years of my life in writing. I know how long it took me to create; how long will it take you to read?
Contents
Not Amanda (horror novel)
Frank Made Lunch (horror novel)
Dr. Gore’s Cannibal Circus (horror novel)
Scream Red (horror short story that ties into Dr. Gore’s Circus)
Emma Unleashes Hell (horror novella)
Wax Asylum (horror story)
The Roast (action comedy novella)
-Stories- (94)
The Loch Ness Monster Cures Aids
Jesus Opens a Taco Truck
The Devil’s Donut
SEO Camp
Rudolph’s YOLO Day
Muppet Chainsaw Massacre
Muppet Chainsaw Massacre 2
Jaguar Kicks
Hollywood Creature
Halloween Tremors
Grandma’s Cookie vs. Planet Bad Dudes
Full House and the Devil’s THunderdome
Dracula and Frankenstein Pick up Some Ladies at the Circus
David Hasselhoff Rubs Some Bacon On It
The Predator Gets a Date for Prom
Wax Museum in Space
Bully Pig
Alt Right Titty Bazooka
Michael Dudikoff’s Ninja Lunch
Zombie Volcano
Zombie Volcano 2
Clooney of the Universe
Damme Trolls
Home Alone Amityville
Death of a Geisha
Gary Vee Hates Zombies
Girls Girls Girls Machine Gun
Kong Fu
My Name is Bruce
Night of the Living Dead Strippers
Ninja Blood
Ninja Midnight
Ninja Werewolf
Piranha Sushi Bar
Popcorn King
Popcorn King 2
Popcorn King 3
Passenger Screech
Saved by the Quantum Bell
Sasquatch of Mars
The Internet Bought the Rights to Truth
Tom’s Big Adventure
Viper Delivery
Tuck Me in Satan
Robotic Sharks
Planet Zero
Myri
Daniel Tosh & the 3 Bears- Paranormal Disco
Action America
1983
American Orgasm
Atomic Tomei
Big Breasted Vampire Sluts
Bigfoot Kills the Klan
Black Bird Mountain
Black Cat, White G-String
Cloning Clooney
Friday the Bitch!
Gary Vee Hates Zombies 2 WAR ZONE
George Wahington I Smell Pussy
Igger Cop ‘N Charge
Igger ‘N japan
Igger ‘N Jail
Igger ‘N Space
Hell ‘O Ninja
Hey, Swamp Bitch!
Kong Fu 2
Las Vegas Shooter- Red, White & Beautiful
The Adventures of Timmy the Nightmare Tooth
Mr. Miyagi and the Hot Tub Bikini Warriors
Pee Pee Massacre
Shadow Man
Sisco the Barbarian
The Wizard of Ozzy Osbourne
Zombie Thriller
Artax
American Flash Fiction
-Robot
-Desert Escape
-Organic
-Feature
-Werewolf Apocalypse
-Saturday Night Gang
-The Average Man
-I Came For the Girl
-Dark X-Mas
-The Internet Bought the Rights to Truth
-Red Light
-Air Hockey Trickery
-The Caterpillar and Mongoose
-The First Time Traveler
-I Am The End
George Washington Honey I Shrunk the Pussy
Golden Boys (One of my favorite stories)
Thanks guys for checkin’ in with me today. Don’t forget to give me a follow and check out all my writing.
Cheers,
Bridget Chase
Sample from my Kindle Book ‘Mr. Miyagi and the Hot Tub Bikini Warriors’
Chapter 1
“Oh, wax on… wax off.”
Mr. Miyagi laid in his hammock. The backyard was a paradise, of which he built day by day with his kung fu skills.
He carefully moved the margarita towards his mouth. Don’t want to spill this sugary treat.
His lips reached for the colorful crazy straw.
Slurp! That sugar cocktail rolled down his throat.
Life was good.
Yeah it is. I have my home. My health, and Daniel Son. Oh, Daniel Son; I can’t wait for him to return from vacation.
He thought about his Daniel Son photo calendar hanging in his bedroom.
Oh yeah, March!
Daniel Son, for the March picture, wore a little red banana hammock. His Krane-kick-cock pressed against the silky fabric.
Mr. Miyagi’s lips missed that squishy marshmallow cock.
He became aroused.
Luckily, he wore loose shorts and was free ballin’ those oriental boys.
He licked his lips. Hmm, my paradise could use a hot tub.
The flying arrow tore him from his fantasy of consumerist nirvana.
ZING! That sharp thing rocketed by.
Mr. Miyagi turned his head.
The arrow sailed close to his face. It moved the hair on the side of his head.
The hammock wobbled and dumped the old man onto the grass.
He looked up.
A beautiful woman stood there. She was lean and toned with a Victoria Secret type of look. The woman wore a tight red uni-tard, which was cut high-up on her hips. The outfit also covered her neck but had a cutout for her exquisite cleavage to peek out of.
The woman, in fabric so tight that Mr. Miyagi could see her entire nipples, pulled out two swords.
“Why are you back, Electra?” Mr. Miyagi asked.
He got to his sandaled feet, which went well with his open Hawaiian shirt.
“This time I’m going to be victorious,” the Jennifer Garner Electra said, “And I am here to castrate you!”
Mr. Miyagi with no expression on his face asked, “Why? Why do you keep coming back?”
Electra took an attack stance.
“The writer of this doesn’t know, but the readers aren’t here for clever turns of plot; no, they want action,” she said. “Oh, and tits, lots of them. So, her are mine!!!”
Jennifer Gardner pulled down the zipper that ran between her cow tits.
Magic sparkles and little fairies of sexual delight radiated from her bare chest.
Mr. Miyagi shrugged his shoulder, “Eh, like I told you last time, they are nice, but I’ve seen better.”
Electra stood up straight and let her swords fall at her sides. But, I’ve been oiling them for days.
“Better? What? My tits are the greatest. You lie old man. Just look at them.”
“Eh,” he said and shrugged. His oriental cock didn’t move.
Electra snarled. “Fine, here, take a better look.”
She marched forward.
“See,” she said and pressed them together in front of the ‘ol man’s face.
He looked at those Hollywood birthday cakes.
They were stunning- beautiful and full. So spectacular, that some choose them as idols to worship, (cough) but I’m not talking about me (shifts eyes). Phew, I think I fooled them.
Electra jiggled them titties around with her hands.
Mr. Miyagi locked eyes with her.
She saw disapproval.
“Well…” Electra was mystified. “Take a look at my ass. You’ve never seen one this fuckable.”
She turned and wagged her pink peach at him.
Geez, I built the pyramids with only my tits, Electra thought. How come this old man doesn’t like them? My girls should be able to stop his heart.
Jennifer focused on her titty powers. I’ll turn around and kill him with the sexiness of my bouncy tits.
Mr. Miyagi lifted his knee to his chest and, SHA-POW! Kicked the fuck outta’ her ass.
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July 3, 2018
Ninja Phil!- Episode 1- Hell ‘O Ninja! Free to Read
Episode 1
Hell ‘O Ninja
By
Bridget Chase
[image error]
Copyright © 2018 Bridget Chase
The right of Bridget Chase to be identified as the Author of the Work has been asserted by him in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
First Published in 2018
By Chase Entertainment
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the publisher, nor be circulated in any form or binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.
All characters in this publication are fictitious and any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental.
NINJA PHIL!
Higgs fucked with his hair.
“It’s always a freakin’ disaster in the morning.”
His beard was matted the one side of his face.
Higgs stood by the coffee maker.
“How’d you sleep?” Phil asked. He sat at the breakfast table with a big ‘o new paper held in his hands.
Higgs didn’t turn around. He poured coffee grounds into the filter.
“Well, I think I am finally over this cold.”
Phil bobbed his head, “Good, good; guess next time you go to Atlantis, you’ll think twice about making out with the hot women folk there.”
“You can say that again,” BING! Coffee was ready. Thank god! Higgs moved the mug to his lips.
The TV announcer’s voice floated in the background; a sudden explosion of static followed by a new voice, drew our morning hero’s attention.
“Dad!” He turned around.
His father’s face was on TV.
But he’s dead? This can’t be.
But it was.
“Please, Higgs; help me,” his dad pleaded. Static cut his image.
Higgs ran up to the Tv and placed his hands on the sides of the screen. “I want to help dad, but you are dead.”
“Higgs, please help; I need Sn-.”
“And, in other news two puppies and bubble wrap made one neighborhood-,” the news reporter reappeared, and the show went on as normal.
Higgs turned to the giant parakeet. “What should I do?” he asked.
“What’s this now?” Phil lowered the paper. His bird eyes showed no sign that he had witnessed the same phenomenon.
NINJA PHIL!
“What’cha doing?” Phil asked.
“Makin’ a portal to the underworld so I can rescue my dad,” Higgs said. He dumped a third bag of ice into the bathtub. “I could sure use your help; there could be trouble in Hell.”
“Sure,” the giant parakeet said; he lifted his beer and took a big gulp.
SPLASH!
Higgs dumped another bag of ice.
Then, he grabbed a book off the toilet seat sitting next to him.
Phil watched and then took notice of a Barnes & Noble bag on the counter. A receipt hug out. He picked it up and read, ‘Portals and Interdimensional magic spells, $6.99 clearance price’.
“Phil-,”
“Yeah?”
“Looks like I need one of your feathers.”
“Again? Why does every spell you cast need a giant parakeet feather?”
“Mysteries of magic, I suppose.”
Phil opened his robe and, PLUCK! Pulled a big yeller’ one from his chest. He handed it to Higgs.
“We better move back,” Higgs said. He held the feather between two pinched fingers and reached, positioning the it over the tub.
“Here we go.”
Higgs released it.
FLOAT, FLOAT, PLOP!
Higgs recoiled. Phil covered his beer with the breast of his robe.
“Well shit,” Higgs said.
Nothing happened.
NINJA Phil!
“I just don’t get it,” Higgs said.
He and Phil sat in high back recliners watching TV. The screen cut angles in the darkness.
Higgs continued, “The book I bought at Barnes & Noble about how to kill a poltergeist worked. Why didn’t this one?”
Behind them, mounted on the wall, was a taxidermy demon poltergeist. Its eyes and mouth still spoke of agony.
“Maybe it was my feather,” Phil said, “I might have had too much THC or some other shit in my system.”
“Maybe, Higgs pondered. I must have done something wrong.
SNEAKY SNEAKY!
“Did you hear that?” Higgs lifted himself and turned to look at the darkness behind them.
Phil sniffed the air, “An action plot line.” His parakeet eyes became slits.
SLICE!
A sword came down aimed at Higgs’ head.
He reached up and, CLAP! Caught the blade between his pressed hands. Higgs kicked off the floor throwing the recliner back.
It fell on the attacker and Higgs rolled across the floor.
With a heavy flap of his wings Phil leapt up from the chair.
SLINK, SLINK, SLINK!
Ninjas dropped from the cabinets and ceiling, in the kitchen.
The fallen ninja knocked the recliner away and stood.
All that could be heard was the heavy breathing of men about to engage in combat.
“Where everybody knows your name,” bum, bum, bum, “And their always glad you came-,”
Cheers came on the TV.
“ATTACK!” A ninja cried.
He ran at Phil, sword raised over head.
The parakeet, THWAK! Did a spin kick and landed his heel against the Ninja’s cheek.
The ninja spun and fell.
SLIK SLAK!
Higgs dodged left and right as the sword sliced inches from his body.
Following the next swing, Higgs dodged, then, BAM! Punched the ninja fucker in the windpipe; Higgs followed up with a spinning side kick.
CRASH! The ninja flew back and fell into the bookcase.
Two ninjas came at Phil.
“BE-KAAH!” Front kick, round house. He doubled a ninja over and sent the next one tumbling with the powerful kick.
The parakeet hammered his elbow down on the skull of the one doubled over. That’s how it’s done!
KA-POW! The ninja face planted. Some of his teeth came out.
Higgs blocked punches. One slipped past and got him in the eye, POW! Damn, these ninjas are pretty good.
He stumbled back and hit the entertainment center. Some candles and shit were on the tops shelf, so that women folk would think him a good provider.
Higgs grabbed a glass candle holder and, THROW! Sent that fucker flyin’. SMACK! It hit the ninja in the temple.
A charging sword came at Higgs’ stomach. He lurched to the side and, KA-BLEWIE! Clothes-lined the fucker with an outstretched arm.
The ninja flipped and fell.
Higgs dove on him. With his bare hands, he twisted the guy’s head until, POP! That fucker came off. He tore the head from the body, making sure to take a good chunk of spin with it.
“Phil!” Higgs shouted and tossed the spine and head to his friend.
Phil caught it. He twirled that severed head like a ball and chain. “Take this pajama fighters!” THWAK!
POW! He whipped that thing, smashin’ skulls.
Higgs pulled some Chinese stars from the dead ninja’s fanny pack. Perfect!
FLING! He threw them.
Ninja screams filled the house as the Chinese stars found chests and genitals.
BOOM! The front door exploded off its hinges. More ninjas flooded in.
CRASH! Ninjas flipped through the kitchen windows.
“Better put the coffee on, Phil; looks like we got a long night ahead,” Higgs said.
“Already on it.” Phil was standing in the kitchen. He was filling the coffee pot. Three ninjas waited impatiently.
NINJA PHIL!
Postal Worker Sally pushed aside the door.
It barely hung on its hinges.
She slipped inside the house.
What happened here?
She saw Higgs and Phil on the floor.
The carpet was covered in blood; dead men in ninja pajamas were all over.
Higgs laid on top of a pile of dead men. He was shirtless, and organs were spilled on the floor around him.
Postal worker Sally put a hand to her mouth, YUCK!
Phil laid on the ground, snoring. Bodies surrounded him.
“Higgs, Phil, yous’ guys okay?”
She stepped over limbs and bodies and approached Higgs.
Sally nudged his shoulder, “Higgs?”
“What’s this now?” he lifted his head. “Oh, hey, Postal worker Sally.”
“Are you okay?” she asked.
He wiped his forearm across his face smearing the blood. Higgs took a deep breath.
Oh, yeah, the nights events came back to him.
Phil yawned and got up. He stretched his bloody wings.
“What happened,” Sally asked
Higgs stood. He fished severed fingers out of his hair, TOSS! Gross!
“Well, we were attacked by these ninjas while watching Nick at Night.
“Yeah,” Phil added, “Just came outta’ nowhere.” He thought for a moment, “I guess like ninjas always do.”
Hmm, Sally thought, ninjas don’t attack for no reason. They aren’t sharks; well normally not. “Have you checked their pockets?”
“Good idea,” Higgs said; he looked at the bodies deciding which one to search. There we go. He grabbed the lower half of a severed body and dug in the back pockets. He pulled out a wallet.
TOSS! Sally caught it and opened it. “Oh,” she said, seeing the address and zip code, “These ninjas came from the Underworld.”
“The Underworld?” Phil asked
“The Underworld,” she said.
“The Underworld?” Higgs asked
The Underworld,” Sally said.
“That’s where my dad is,” Higgs said, “And actually, he possessed my TV yesterday and asked for help.”
“Too bad that portal didn’t work,” Phil said.
Postal worker Sally pulled her keys out. She spun the ring on her finger, “Portal? You don’t need no portals. If you boys are wanting to go to the underworld, that just so happens to be my next stop.”
Their faces lit up.
“You wouldn’t believe the amount of mail that place gets.”
“To the mail truck!” Higgs shouted and pointed to the broken front door.
“Maybe you two should clean up,” Sally said.
Phil and Higgs looked down at themselves.
All matter of gore and dark matter covered their bodies.
NINJA PHIL!
“Hang on boys,” Postal worker Sally said out her open window.
Higgs and Phil hung on to the side of the mail truck.
Higgs held his hand to his eyes as if looking to a far-off place.
“Good thing Sally came,” Phil said.
“Yeah, plus she is hot.”
“Damn right,” the parakeet said.
Sally was an ex-stripper turned Green Barret. She was black and foxy. Nice big kettle bell titties and an ass that make cocks crow in the morning sun.
And, she has some fuckin lips. Like, yes please, here is my cock, you can slurp to your heart’s desire.
“Hang on,” Sally shouted.
She turned down main street.
Higgs wondered, what road goes to the underworld? I’ve been living here for ten years and you’d think I’d have stumbled upon it.
“No, you wouldn’t have,” Phil shouted.
“You read my thoughts?” Higgs asked.
The parakeet smiled and shrugged his shoulders.
The mail truck came to a stop.
“Umm, Sally, this doesn’t look like hell.”
She got out. “Nope, we stopped for some help.” She walked up the sidewalk.
Higgs looked at the building standing there.
“Guns? Sweat!”
“BEE-KA!” Phil hopped off and ran all bird like to the door.
The cashier watched the three load-up. Damn, I guess I’ll get to buy that boat after all.
Sally pushed the shopping cart up to the counter. It was filled with guns and ammo. A bazooka stuck out the side.
“Where ya’ll headed with this arsenal?” the cashier asked. He was an old dude with military clothes that were pretty dirty and stuff. He had long grey-
-shit this doesn’t matter
Naw, it doesn’t just make us pay. We got an underworld to find. Higgs crossed his arms impatiently.
Higgs waived the cashier off, “We got shit to do man, ring us the fuck up.”
Back in the vehicle-
Sally turned.
They were on the freeway.
The wind whipped at Higgs curled white-man afro and tried to run off whit his thick beard.
Phil was being all kinds of blown around being a bird and everything.
Postal worker Sally slowed down and merged with the traffic leading to a toll both.
Higgs shouted, “Is this the fastest way to hell?”
“You bet it is,” Sally shouted out the window.
She pulled up.
“That’ll be a dollar twenty-five, miss,” the bored out of their fucking mind toll booth worker said.
Phil leaned and had a peek at her. Damn, she pretty fine. Wonder how she likes birds; damn, my feathers are getting all ruffled looking at that pretty face.
Phil always had a thing for black chicks.
Yes sir! And I thank you for writing Sally into this story. Damn that ass!
He brought his camera in hopes of catching Postal worker Sally in an action pose and blowing that print-up to poster size.
We can all dream.
Sally handed the toll worker a plastic card. “Underworld please.”
The woman nodded and swiped the plastic “You know the way?” the worker said.
Sally nodded. She steered the car off to the side where a small building stood.
Cars were parked around the perimeter, nothing special.
Kills Engine-
Sally hopped out.
The guys joined her.
“Were here,” she said.
The building read ‘Toll Booth office’.
Sally smiled, “Welcome to Hell.”
NINJA PHIL!
The elevator went down-
And down-
And down-
And down.
Sally leaned on the wall with her arms crossed creating cleavage that Phil had trouble not looking at.
Higgs watched the door impatiently. I hope my dad’s okay. Geez, we better not be too late!
“I hope we can find him,” Higgs said.
“Oh, don’t worry yourself none; we’ll find him,” Sally said.
The door opened to a cocktail lounge.
A singer was on stage and people milled about.
Plenty of drinks were in hands and on tables.
“We’ll see the bartender,” Sally said.
“Hey there, Postal worker Sally; how you been Nipple Bunny?” The bartender asked.
The bartender was a douche- that’s it- imagine a douche;
There, that was the bartender.
“Oh, you so silly, “Sally waived her hand at him, she blushed.
Sally’s my hoe, Phil grew angry. His feathers stood on end. She doesn’t know yet, but she’s my baby mamma bitch.
“Hey fucker, don’t call her Nipple Bunny!” Phil shouted.
Before the bartender even responded Phil was over the counter an on top of him.
“So, where do we start looking?” Higgs asked.
POW, BAM, POW! Sounds of a fight came from behind the bar.
“I have a connection; we’ll just have to see the Grim Reaper.”
Higgs nodded, “Cool!”
Phil popped up from behind the bar. He wore the bartender’s douchey black satin shirt. He threw a towel over his forearm.
“And, what can I get you two to drink?”
Sally smiled and made eyes at him.
And, my eyes were sayin’ give me that cock ‘a doodle doo!
NINJA PHIL!
A military truck pulled up. Men with huge guns hung off the dirty jeep.
Its tires gobbled the ground and made clouds of swirling dust.
Our three visitors to Hell, waited.
SKID! STOP!
The jeep rocked.
“Sally, sure good to see you!”
A hot woman lept of the back of the jeep.
Ten or so men climbed down and stood behind her, guns in hand.
“Grim, always a pleasure,” Sally said, “What’s been happening?”
“Not much,” the hot woman said. “We’ve had quite a few unauthorized resurrections. Me and my boys here, have been on the hunt for weeks now.”
Eek, Higgs saw the skulls tied to the jeep’s bumper.
The red sky swirled.
Grim was a beautiful beast. Human looking but on the side of ‘too perfect’ in her build. She had very long, dark hair that spilled down to her hips. Her eyes were dark ink and her lips a pale pink. Translucent veins stitched her face and gave the appearance of a skull mask painted on her skin.
“Oh, wow,” Sally said, “Well, remember, if you ever need help.”
“It ain’t your time girl,” Grim said, “Now, who are theses two water coolers with you?”
Sally introduced them, “This is Higgs and that fried yeller’ bird is Phil.”
NINJA PHIL!
“You can’t come through here,” the guard said.
“You do know who I am, right?” Grim asked.
Sally, Higgs, and Phil stood behind her in the velvet purple hallway.
“Members only.”
The guard was a Pterodactyl.
But, he was big and muscular. His head was a ridiculous shape like a Halloween mask.
Over Grim’s shoulder Higgs informed the dinosaur, “I just came to check on my dad. I heard he was in there.”
“Piss off mortal.”
Grim whipped out a huge sci-fi rifle. She cocked the shaft. “Outta’ the way.”
The Pterodactyl grinned. He reached over and pressed a button.
The hall walls were pulled away, revealing a black-light 70’s disco room.
“Ha, ha, ha, ha!” About fifteen dinosaur men laughed.
Some had guns, others- pipes, a coupled with brass knuckles, and one flipped around a butterfly knife.
The Pterodactyl cracked his bruiser knuckles. “You’ll are leaving in body bags.”
“You ready, Phil?” Higgs asked.
“Ready.”
Phil pulled out a red headband and tied on his forehead. It had ancient writing on an emblem in the center of his head.
ROAR! A T-rex hammered forward and punched.
BLAM! Grim fired a round.
SIZZLE, DIE!
It cut a hole through the T-rex’s chest. The creature fell to the ground.
A Triceratops, wielding a chain, swung it at Sally. Phil pulled her out of the way, and lept on the dinosaur man.
“I’ll kill ya’ for that fucker.”
The dinosaur cried and screamed.
Phil pecked the thing’s eyes out. He got up and left the dinosaur twitching on the ground.
Sally pulled out two pistols. “Higgs!” She tossed them.
ROAR! a Raptor-man came at Higgs.
He caught the guns and like a bad ass movie hero, CLAK, CLAK, CLAK! Shot the fucking beast.
The Raptor’s chest exploded in gore and his body shook.
“Higgs look out,” Sally shouted
He ducked.
She leveled her shotgun, KA-POW! And took off the top of another Raptor’s head.
The Pterodactyl pushed aside his dead friend and came at Grim. “I’ve been waiting a long time for this.”
“Really,” Grim asked, “Like, we’ve never even met before just a few minutes ago.”
“Well,” he said, “It feels like a long time.”
SOCK, POW! He threw fists.
Grim danced around them like Agent Smith in the Matrix.
The Pterodactyl grunted. He brought a knee up.
Grim lept in the air.
The camera spun and, POW! She kicked him in the face.
He somersaulted through the air and, CRASH! Hit the wall.
A Brachiosaurus with nun-chucks came up on Sally all Bruce Lee, like. THWAK! It knocked the gun out of her hand.
She snarled and lept at the creature. They fell to the ground.
Damn, this chick is pretty-fine. Wonder if she’d like some good dinosaur meat in her sour cream tacos? He felt her tits all wigglin’ around on his chest.
He headbutted her, POW!
Sally cried and brought her knee to his cold-blooded nuts, SLAM! CAPTAIN CRUNCH!
The Brachiosaurus howled.
She grabbed his big ‘ol head and, KA-POW bounced it off the floor.
CLAK, CLAK! Grim fired. SLAM! And blew off a dino’s leg.
She moved about the room putting rounds in the fallen creatures.
Phil was eating the neck of a Stegosaurus.
Higgs put a hand on his friend’s shoulder, “It is done my friend.”
Blood lust left his eyes. Blood spattered the bird’s face.
“Let’s go,” Grim said.
They all walked to the red door.
Will my father be on the other side?
“This is it,” Grim said.
“Let’s see what your father needed,” Sally said she put a hand on Higgs’ shoulder.
NINJA PHIL!
SQUEEK! destiny needed some oil.
“Higgs?” Mr. Higgs got up from a hot tub.
Hot ladies in string bikinis giggled.
“Son, you made it!”
“Yeah, I did; what’s wrong?” Higgs ran up.
SLOSH! The old dude climbed out of the hot tub.
They hugged, and Mr. Higgs left a wet body imprint on his son’s shirt.
“I’m fine. I’m fine,” Mr. Higgs said.
“You said you need my help; what’s the matter?”
The old man smiled sheepishly. “I was hoping I could contact you to bring me some Snapple, but the whole possess the TV thing didn’t work well. I couldn’t get the internet to connect right.”
“Snapple?” This can’t be, Higgs thought.
“Major Rafklin?” Grim asked
Mr. Higgs peered over his son’s shoulder, “Yes.”
“Major?” Higgs asked and furrowed his brow.
“Shit Higgs, you didn’t tell me yer’ dad was Major Rafklin.” Grim said. “Please to meet you sir,” she extended her hand.
“I didn’t know myself,” Higgs said.
“Good to meet you, and you are?”
“Grim,” she said.
“Like, Grim Reaper?” Major Rafklin asked.
“Yep!”
“But, you weren’t the one that took me when I died?”
“Oh, was it Steve?” Grim asked.
“Yeah, that lanky kid.”
Grim smiled, “Yeah, he covered for me; I had other pressing assignments.”
“Well this is all good,” Higgs said, “But shit, I wasted a whole, like, day and a half, plus killed people to get here.”
“No worries,” the Major said, “Think you could go pick up a case of Snapples for me and bring them here?”
Phil nudged Sally. He gestured with his head. The two went to a nearby closet.
“I think I have a better solution,” Grim said, “I can send you back to the land of the living, if you agree to take a few bounties when I call.”
Major shook her hand, “Deal, I can kill people in my sleep.”
Ninja Phil!
Roll Credits
Grim stood at the bar talking to the douchey bartender.
A couple of ninjas tried to butt into the conversation.
She gave them a displeased look.
The douchey bartender ducked behind the bar and reappeared with drinks.
Grim smiled and said stuff. She carried the tray over to a booth.
Higgs sat on one side with an arm tossed over the back.
The Major sat with two hot bikini girls next to him. They were all laughing.
Grim set down the drink and they each took a colorful cocktail.
The whole cast was at Chili’s having a party.
Higgs mimed fighting.
Grim laughed and slapped the table.
A few of the dinosaur men came up to the table. They held drinks.
After some talking and laughing they all cheered and clinked glasses.
The T-rex mimed being shot in the stomach and then pointed at Grim.
She shrugged her shoulders.
A Raptor-man approached the Toll Booth girl at the bar. She smiled and gestured him to have a seat.
One of the bikini girls played with the Major’s balls under the table.
Phil and Sally were wedged in a dark closet.
The parakeet pulled Postal worker Sally’s shirt off.
She unclasped her bra.
END
*Sample
Shadow Man
Chapter 1
It was a soft tunnel like a cheerleader’s pussy. Riding through it, on an interdimensional surf board, was Shadow Man.
“SHADOW MAN!” (A chorus sang)
One might think, that heaven was the ultimate destination, but for Shadow Man, “It can fuckin’ wait!”
Born as Ed Gein’s shadow, a life of murder and macabre, made him want to stop the evils of the world.
Upon arriving at Thy-Pearly-Gates, recruiting booths littered the walkway. An assortment of clubs, organizations, and corporations eagerly begged for the newly-dead to sign up. Like a freshman orientation on a college campus, it was disgusting.
So, why would Shadow Man stop at the United States Army recruiting table, and not just waltz on by into heaven, where he would live a life of pleasure and happiness?
Because, fuck, the army recruiter was the finest piece of ass that this-shadow-creature had ever seen. And, he’d seen some hot titties in his time, trust me. Shit, isn’t that how all men get lured into signing contracts?
The army recruiter spoke of purpose. Her soft pink lips said words like, “You can make earth a safer place for the living. And, in the process, earn some wonderful treasures that wait for you, when you enter into heaven.”
Shadow Man didn’t hear a word. Her glorious tits, pressed together, created a valley of hypnotic passion. The recruiter could have said anything, though, Shadow Man would have preferred her say, “I need your cum. Take my pussy with your huge cock.”
She didn’t say that, but Shadow Man, while starring at those galactic melons did say, “Where do I sign up?”
Maybe, it was the light from the pearly gates, or the fact that there was life after death, but those tits… well, sorry fellow readers. There is no proper way to explain them. So instead, think on the best cleavage you have ever seen. The kind that makes your balls swell, and a passion that burns your cock with a frenzy of desire.
Good, Shadow Man saw something like that.
Now, back to the worm hole he was surfing through.
Shadow Man’s first mission- Eliminate the Russian scientist doing unethical research with CRISPR.
If you don’t know what CRISPR is, it is a genome project where they can alter, delete, and add DNA.
None of that matters right now, Shadow Man has two stops to make.
What does every mission need?
∞
Shadow Man rode the tube (curl of a wave) within the wormhole.
SPLAT! He caught his board and landed in Elvis Presley’s living room.
“Shadow Man,” Elvis said and stood up.
“Elvis, good to see you my friend. I need your help.”
(Cough) Elvis brushed the wadded tissue paper off the couch. A tipi was pitched in his boxers. (Blush) “Here, have a seat.”
“No time,” Shadow Man said. “I need your help. Get dresses, I’ll explain on the way.”
Elvis wore stripped boxers and nothing else. His peanut butter gut hung over the waist band. “Cool, I’ll go change.” He took a few steps toward the hallway and then paused. Turning back to Shadow Man he said, “I hope it isn’t a problem, but I just took some LSD.” A worried, but light hearted smile, crossed his lips.
Shadow Man fished in his camouflage vest pocket. He pulled out a pair of golden framed sunglasses. He tossed them to Elvis. “Put those on with that white jumpsuit you have.”
Like a puppy going for a car ride, Elvis raced off on uncoordinated feet down the hall. “Hehehe, a mission!”
(CRASH, BAM, POW)
A rock concert of noises came from the bedroom.
Shadow Man picked up a magazine off the coffee table. It was one, out of an assortment of porn magazines.
Elvis reappeared. “Ready.” He wore a sequined white jumpsuit.
“Looks good,” Shadow Man said, “but, what happened there? You pee yourself?”
Elvis looked down. His left pant leg was stained. “No, just old cum.” He put on the sunglasses.
Shadow Man put the surf board on the ground. “Hop on. We have one more stop before we destroy some Russian scientists.”
(Want to read more? Get your copy at Amazon)
https://www.amazon.com/author/bridgetchase
* Stay Tuned for Episode 2
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Ninja Phil!- Episode 1- Hell ‘O Ninja!
Episode 1
Hell ‘O Ninja
By
Bridget Chase
You can read this free, here; or download it from Smashwords & Wattpad (free), or at Amazon ($1). Your choice.
Copyright © 2018 Bridget Chase
The right of Bridget Chase to be identified as the Author of the Work has been asserted by him in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
First Published in 2018
By Chase Entertainment
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means without the prior written permission of the publisher, nor be circulated in any form or binding or cover other than that in which it is published and without a similar condition being imposed on the subsequent purchaser.
All characters in this publication are fictitious and any resemblance to real persons, living or dead is purely coincidental.
NINJA PHIL!
Higgs fucked with his hair.
“It’s always a freakin’ disaster in the morning.”
His beard was matted the one side of his face.
Higgs stood by the coffee maker.
“How’d you sleep?” Phil asked. He sat at the breakfast table with a big ‘o new paper held in his hands.
Higgs didn’t turn around. He poured coffee grounds into the filter.
“Well, I think I am finally over this cold.”
Phil bobbed his head, “Good, good; guess next time you go to Atlantis, you’ll think twice about making out with the hot women folk there.”
“You can say that again,” BING! Coffee was ready. Thank god! Higgs moved the mug to his lips.
The TV announcer’s voice floated in the background; a sudden explosion of static followed by a new voice, drew our morning hero’s attention.
“Dad!” He turned around.
His father’s face was on TV.
But he’s dead? This can’t be.
But it was.
“Please, Higgs; help me,” his dad pleaded. Static cut his image.
Higgs ran up to the Tv and placed his hands on the sides of the screen. “I want to help dad, but you are dead.”
“Higgs, please help; I need Sn-.”
“And, in other news two puppies and bubble wrap made one neighborhood-,” the news reporter reappeared, and the show went on as normal.
Higgs turned to the giant parakeet. “What should I do?” he asked.
“What’s this now?” Phil lowered the paper. His bird eyes showed no sign that he had witnessed the same phenomenon.
NINJA PHIL!
“What’cha doing?” Phil asked.
“Makin’ a portal to the underworld so I can rescue my dad,” Higgs said. He dumped a third bag of ice into the bathtub. “I could sure use your help; there could be trouble in Hell.”
“Sure,” the giant parakeet said; he lifted his beer and took a big gulp.
SPLASH!
Higgs dumped another bag of ice.
Then, he grabbed a book off the toilet seat sitting next to him.
Phil watched and then took notice of a Barnes & Noble bag on the counter. A receipt hug out. He picked it up and read, ‘Portals and Interdimensional magic spells, $6.99 clearance price’.
“Phil-,”
“Yeah?”
“Looks like I need one of your feathers.”
“Again? Why does every spell you cast need a giant parakeet feather?”
“Mysteries of magic, I suppose.”
Phil opened his robe and, PLUCK! Pulled a big yeller’ one from his chest. He handed it to Higgs.
“We better move back,” Higgs said. He held the feather between two pinched fingers and reached, positioning the it over the tub.
“Here we go.”
Higgs released it.
FLOAT, FLOAT, PLOP!
Higgs recoiled. Phil covered his beer with the breast of his robe.
“Well shit,” Higgs said.
Nothing happened.
NINJA Phil!
“I just don’t get it,” Higgs said.
He and Phil sat in high back recliners watching TV. The screen cut angles in the darkness.
Higgs continued, “The book I bought at Barnes & Noble about how to kill a poltergeist worked. Why didn’t this one?”
Behind them, mounted on the wall, was a taxidermy demon poltergeist. Its eyes and mouth still spoke of agony.
“Maybe it was my feather,” Phil said, “I might have had too much THC or some other shit in my system.”
“Maybe, Higgs pondered. I must have done something wrong.
SNEAKY SNEAKY!
“Did you hear that?” Higgs lifted himself and turned to look at the darkness behind them.
Phil sniffed the air, “An action plot line.” His parakeet eyes became slits.
SLICE!
A sword came down aimed at Higgs’ head.
He reached up and, CLAP! Caught the blade between his pressed hands. Higgs kicked off the floor throwing the recliner back.
It fell on the attacker and Higgs rolled across the floor.
With a heavy flap of his wings Phil leapt up from the chair.
SLINK, SLINK, SLINK!
Ninjas dropped from the cabinets and ceiling, in the kitchen.
The fallen ninja knocked the recliner away and stood.
All that could be heard was the heavy breathing of men about to engage in combat.
“Where everybody knows your name,” bum, bum, bum, “And their always glad you came-,”
Cheers came on the TV.
“ATTACK!” A ninja cried.
He ran at Phil, sword raised over head.
The parakeet, THWAK! Did a spin kick and landed his heel against the Ninja’s cheek.
The ninja spun and fell.
SLIK SLAK!
Higgs dodged left and right as the sword sliced inches from his body.
Following the next swing, Higgs dodged, then, BAM! Punched the ninja fucker in the windpipe; Higgs followed up with a spinning side kick.
CRASH! The ninja flew back and fell into the bookcase.
Two ninjas came at Phil.
“BE-KAAH!” Front kick, round house. He doubled a ninja over and sent the next one tumbling with the powerful kick.
The parakeet hammered his elbow down on the skull of the one doubled over. That’s how it’s done!
KA-POW! The ninja face planted. Some of his teeth came out.
Higgs blocked punches. One slipped past and got him in the eye, POW! Damn, these ninjas are pretty good.
He stumbled back and hit the entertainment center. Some candles and shit were on the tops shelf, so that women folk would think him a good provider.
Higgs grabbed a glass candle holder and, THROW! Sent that fucker flyin’. SMACK! It hit the ninja in the temple.
A charging sword came at Higgs’ stomach. He lurched to the side and, KA-BLEWIE! Clothes-lined the fucker with an outstretched arm.
The ninja flipped and fell.
Higgs dove on him. With his bare hands, he twisted the guy’s head until, POP! That fucker came off. He tore the head from the body, making sure to take a good chunk of spin with it.
“Phil!” Higgs shouted and tossed the spine and head to his friend.
Phil caught it. He twirled that severed head like a ball and chain. “Take this pajama fighters!” THWAK!
POW! He whipped that thing, smashin’ skulls.
Higgs pulled some Chinese stars from the dead ninja’s fanny pack. Perfect!
FLING! He threw them.
Ninja screams filled the house as the Chinese stars found chests and genitals.
BOOM! The front door exploded off its hinges. More ninjas flooded in.
CRASH! Ninjas flipped through the kitchen windows.
“Better put the coffee on, Phil; looks like we got a long night ahead,” Higgs said.
“Already on it.” Phil was standing in the kitchen. He was filling the coffee pot. Three ninjas waited impatiently.
NINJA PHIL!
Postal Worker Sally pushed aside the door.
It barely hung on its hinges.
She slipped inside the house.
What happened here?
She saw Higgs and Phil on the floor.
The carpet was covered in blood; dead men in ninja pajamas were all over.
Higgs laid on top of a pile of dead men. He was shirtless, and organs were spilled on the floor around him.
Postal worker Sally put a hand to her mouth, YUCK!
Phil laid on the ground, snoring. Bodies surrounded him.
“Higgs, Phil, yous’ guys okay?”
She stepped over limbs and bodies and approached Higgs.
Sally nudged his shoulder, “Higgs?”
“What’s this now?” he lifted his head. “Oh, hey, Postal worker Sally.”
“Are you okay?” she asked.
He wiped his forearm across his face smearing the blood. Higgs took a deep breath.
Oh, yeah, the nights events came back to him.
Phil yawned and got up. He stretched his bloody wings.
“What happened,” Sally asked
Higgs stood. He fished severed fingers out of his hair, TOSS! Gross!
“Well, we were attacked by these ninjas while watching Nick at Night.
“Yeah,” Phil added, “Just came outta’ nowhere.” He thought for a moment, “I guess like ninjas always do.”
Hmm, Sally thought, ninjas don’t attack for no reason. They aren’t sharks; well normally not. “Have you checked their pockets?”
“Good idea,” Higgs said; he looked at the bodies deciding which one to search. There we go. He grabbed the lower half of a severed body and dug in the back pockets. He pulled out a wallet.
TOSS! Sally caught it and opened it. “Oh,” she said, seeing the address and zip code, “These ninjas came from the Underworld.”
“The Underworld?” Phil asked
“The Underworld,” she said.
“The Underworld?” Higgs asked
The Underworld,” Sally said.
“That’s where my dad is,” Higgs said, “And actually, he possessed my TV yesterday and asked for help.”
“Too bad that portal didn’t work,” Phil said.
Postal worker Sally pulled her keys out. She spun the ring on her finger, “Portal? You don’t need no portals. If you boys are wanting to go to the underworld, that just so happens to be my next stop.”
Their faces lit up.
“You wouldn’t believe the amount of mail that place gets.”
“To the mail truck!” Higgs shouted and pointed to the broken front door.
“Maybe you two should clean up,” Sally said.
Phil and Higgs looked down at themselves.
All matter of gore and dark matter covered their bodies.
NINJA PHIL!
“Hang on boys,” Postal worker Sally said out her open window.
Higgs and Phil hung on to the side of the mail truck.
Higgs held his hand to his eyes as if looking to a far-off place.
“Good thing Sally came,” Phil said.
“Yeah, plus she is hot.”
“Damn right,” the parakeet said.
Sally was an ex-stripper turned Green Barret. She was black and foxy. Nice big kettle bell titties and an ass that make cocks crow in the morning sun.
And, she has some fuckin lips. Like, yes please, here is my cock, you can slurp to your heart’s desire.
“Hang on,” Sally shouted.
She turned down main street.
Higgs wondered, what road goes to the underworld? I’ve been living here for ten years and you’d think I’d have stumbled upon it.
“No, you wouldn’t have,” Phil shouted.
“You read my thoughts?” Higgs asked.
The parakeet smiled and shrugged his shoulders.
The mail truck came to a stop.
“Umm, Sally, this doesn’t look like hell.”
She got out. “Nope, we stopped for some help.” She walked up the sidewalk.
Higgs looked at the building standing there.
“Guns? Sweat!”
“BEE-KA!” Phil hopped off and ran all bird like to the door.
The cashier watched the three load-up. Damn, I guess I’ll get to buy that boat after all.
Sally pushed the shopping cart up to the counter. It was filled with guns and ammo. A bazooka stuck out the side.
“Where ya’ll headed with this arsenal?” the cashier asked. He was an old dude with military clothes that were pretty dirty and stuff. He had long grey-
-shit this doesn’t matter
Naw, it doesn’t just make us pay. We got an underworld to find. Higgs crossed his arms impatiently.
Higgs waived the cashier off, “We got shit to do man, ring us the fuck up.”
Back in the vehicle-
Sally turned.
They were on the freeway.
The wind whipped at Higgs curled white-man afro and tried to run off whit his thick beard.
Phil was being all kinds of blown around being a bird and everything.
Postal worker Sally slowed down and merged with the traffic leading to a toll both.
Higgs shouted, “Is this the fastest way to hell?”
“You bet it is,” Sally shouted out the window.
She pulled up.
“That’ll be a dollar twenty-five, miss,” the bored out of their fucking mind toll booth worker said.
Phil leaned and had a peek at her. Damn, she pretty fine. Wonder how she likes birds; damn, my feathers are getting all ruffled looking at that pretty face.
Phil always had a thing for black chicks.
Yes sir! And I thank you for writing Sally into this story. Damn that ass!
He brought his camera in hopes of catching Postal worker Sally in an action pose and blowing that print-up to poster size.
We can all dream.
Sally handed the toll worker a plastic card. “Underworld please.”
The woman nodded and swiped the plastic “You know the way?” the worker said.
Sally nodded. She steered the car off to the side where a small building stood.
Cars were parked around the perimeter, nothing special.
Kills Engine-
Sally hopped out.
The guys joined her.
“Were here,” she said.
The building read ‘Toll Booth office’.
Sally smiled, “Welcome to Hell.”
NINJA PHIL!
The elevator went down-
And down-
And down-
And down.
Sally leaned on the wall with her arms crossed creating cleavage that Phil had trouble not looking at.
Higgs watched the door impatiently. I hope my dad’s okay. Geez, we better not be too late!
“I hope we can find him,” Higgs said.
“Oh, don’t worry yourself none; we’ll find him,” Sally said.
The door opened to a cocktail lounge.
A singer was on stage and people milled about.
Plenty of drinks were in hands and on tables.
“We’ll see the bartender,” Sally said.
“Hey there, Postal worker Sally; how you been Nipple Bunny?” The bartender asked.
The bartender was a douche- that’s it- imagine a douche;
There, that was the bartender.
“Oh, you so silly, “Sally waived her hand at him, she blushed.
Sally’s my hoe, Phil grew angry. His feathers stood on end. She doesn’t know yet, but she’s my baby mamma bitch.
“Hey fucker, don’t call her Nipple Bunny!” Phil shouted.
Before the bartender even responded Phil was over the counter an on top of him.
“So, where do we start looking?” Higgs asked.
POW, BAM, POW! Sounds of a fight came from behind the bar.
“I have a connection; we’ll just have to see the Grim Reaper.”
Higgs nodded, “Cool!”
Phil popped up from behind the bar. He wore the bartender’s douchey black satin shirt. He threw a towel over his forearm.
“And, what can I get you two to drink?”
Sally smiled and made eyes at him.
And, my eyes were sayin’ give me that cock ‘a doodle doo!
NINJA PHIL!
A military truck pulled up. Men with huge guns hung off the dirty jeep.
Its tires gobbled the ground and made clouds of swirling dust.
Our three visitors to Hell, waited.
SKID! STOP!
The jeep rocked.
“Sally, sure good to see you!”
A hot woman lept of the back of the jeep.
Ten or so men climbed down and stood behind her, guns in hand.
“Grim, always a pleasure,” Sally said, “What’s been happening?”
“Not much,” the hot woman said. “We’ve had quite a few unauthorized resurrections. Me and my boys here, have been on the hunt for weeks now.”
Eek, Higgs saw the skulls tied to the jeep’s bumper.
The red sky swirled.
Grim was a beautiful beast. Human looking but on the side of ‘too perfect’ in her build. She had very long, dark hair that spilled down to her hips. Her eyes were dark ink and her lips a pale pink. Translucent veins stitched her face and gave the appearance of a skull mask painted on her skin.
“Oh, wow,” Sally said, “Well, remember, if you ever need help.”
“It ain’t your time girl,” Grim said, “Now, who are theses two water coolers with you?”
Sally introduced them, “This is Higgs and that fried yeller’ bird is Phil.”
NINJA PHIL!
“You can’t come through here,” the guard said.
“You do know who I am, right?” Grim asked.
Sally, Higgs, and Phil stood behind her in the velvet purple hallway.
“Members only.”
The guard was a Pterodactyl.
But, he was big and muscular. His head was a ridiculous shape like a Halloween mask.
Over Grim’s shoulder Higgs informed the dinosaur, “I just came to check on my dad. I heard he was in there.”
“Piss off mortal.”
Grim whipped out a huge sci-fi rifle. She cocked the shaft. “Outta’ the way.”
The Pterodactyl grinned. He reached over and pressed a button.
The hall walls were pulled away, revealing a black-light 70’s disco room.
“Ha, ha, ha, ha!” About fifteen dinosaur men laughed.
Some had guns, others- pipes, a coupled with brass knuckles, and one flipped around a butterfly knife.
The Pterodactyl cracked his bruiser knuckles. “You’ll are leaving in body bags.”
“You ready, Phil?” Higgs asked.
“Ready.”
Phil pulled out a red headband and tied on his forehead. It had ancient writing on an emblem in the center of his head.
ROAR! A T-rex hammered forward and punched.
BLAM! Grim fired a round.
SIZZLE, DIE!
It cut a hole through the T-rex’s chest. The creature fell to the ground.
A Triceratops, wielding a chain, swung it at Sally. Phil pulled her out of the way, and lept on the dinosaur man.
“I’ll kill ya’ for that fucker.”
The dinosaur cried and screamed.
Phil pecked the thing’s eyes out. He got up and left the dinosaur twitching on the ground.
Sally pulled out two pistols. “Higgs!” She tossed them.
ROAR! a Raptor-man came at Higgs.
He caught the guns and like a bad ass movie hero, CLAK, CLAK, CLAK! Shot the fucking beast.
The Raptor’s chest exploded in gore and his body shook.
“Higgs look out,” Sally shouted
He ducked.
She leveled her shotgun, KA-POW! And took off the top of another Raptor’s head.
The Pterodactyl pushed aside his dead friend and came at Grim. “I’ve been waiting a long time for this.”
“Really,” Grim asked, “Like, we’ve never even met before just a few minutes ago.”
“Well,” he said, “It feels like a long time.”
SOCK, POW! He threw fists.
Grim danced around them like Agent Smith in the Matrix.
The Pterodactyl grunted. He brought a knee up.
Grim lept in the air.
The camera spun and, POW! She kicked him in the face.
He somersaulted through the air and, CRASH! Hit the wall.
A Brachiosaurus with nun-chucks came up on Sally all Bruce Lee, like. THWAK! It knocked the gun out of her hand.
She snarled and lept at the creature. They fell to the ground.
Damn, this chick is pretty-fine. Wonder if she’d like some good dinosaur meat in her sour cream tacos? He felt her tits all wigglin’ around on his chest.
He headbutted her, POW!
Sally cried and brought her knee to his cold-blooded nuts, SLAM! CAPTAIN CRUNCH!
The Brachiosaurus howled.
She grabbed his big ‘ol head and, KA-POW bounced it off the floor.
CLAK, CLAK! Grim fired. SLAM! And blew off a dino’s leg.
She moved about the room putting rounds in the fallen creatures.
Phil was eating the neck of a Stegosaurus.
Higgs put a hand on his friend’s shoulder, “It is done my friend.”
Blood lust left his eyes. Blood spattered the bird’s face.
“Let’s go,” Grim said.
They all walked to the red door.
Will my father be on the other side?
“This is it,” Grim said.
“Let’s see what your father needed,” Sally said she put a hand on Higgs’ shoulder.
NINJA PHIL!
SQUEEK! destiny needed some oil.
“Higgs?” Mr. Higgs got up from a hot tub.
Hot ladies in string bikinis giggled.
“Son, you made it!”
“Yeah, I did; what’s wrong?” Higgs ran up.
SLOSH! The old dude climbed out of the hot tub.
They hugged, and Mr. Higgs left a wet body imprint on his son’s shirt.
“I’m fine. I’m fine,” Mr. Higgs said.
“You said you need my help; what’s the matter?”
The old man smiled sheepishly. “I was hoping I could contact you to bring me some Snapple, but the whole possess the TV thing didn’t work well. I couldn’t get the internet to connect right.”
“Snapple?” This can’t be, Higgs thought.
“Major Rafklin?” Grim asked
Mr. Higgs peered over his son’s shoulder, “Yes.”
“Major?” Higgs asked and furrowed his brow.
“Shit Higgs, you didn’t tell me yer’ dad was Major Rafklin.” Grim said. “Please to meet you sir,” she extended her hand.
“I didn’t know myself,” Higgs said.
“Good to meet you, and you are?”
“Grim,” she said.
“Like, Grim Reaper?” Major Rafklin asked.
“Yep!”
“But, you weren’t the one that took me when I died?”
“Oh, was it Steve?” Grim asked.
“Yeah, that lanky kid.”
Grim smiled, “Yeah, he covered for me; I had other pressing assignments.”
“Well this is all good,” Higgs said, “But shit, I wasted a whole, like, day and a half, plus killed people to get here.”
“No worries,” the Major said, “Think you could go pick up a case of Snapples for me and bring them here?”
Phil nudged Sally. He gestured with his head. The two went to a nearby closet.
“I think I have a better solution,” Grim said, “I can send you back to the land of the living, if you agree to take a few bounties when I call.”
Major shook her hand, “Deal, I can kill people in my sleep.”
Ninja Phil!
Roll Credits
Grim stood at the bar talking to the douchey bartender.
A couple of ninjas tried to butt into the conversation.
She gave them a displeased look.
The douchey bartender ducked behind the bar and reappeared with drinks.
Grim smiled and said stuff. She carried the tray over to a booth.
Higgs sat on one side with an arm tossed over the back.
The Major sat with two hot bikini girls next to him. They were all laughing.
Grim set down the drink and they each took a colorful cocktail.
The whole cast was at Chili’s having a party.
Higgs mimed fighting.
Grim laughed and slapped the table.
A few of the dinosaur men came up to the table. They held drinks.
After some talking and laughing they all cheered and clinked glasses.
The T-rex mimed being shot in the stomach and then pointed at Grim.
She shrugged her shoulders.
A Raptor-man approached the Toll Booth girl at the bar. She smiled and gestured him to have a seat.
One of the bikini girls played with the Major’s balls under the table.
Phil and Sally were wedged in a dark closet.
The parakeet pulled Postal worker Sally’s shirt off.
She unclasped her bra.
END
*Sample
Shadow Man
Chapter 1
It was a soft tunnel like a cheerleader’s pussy. Riding through it, on an interdimensional surf board, was Shadow Man.
“SHADOW MAN!” (A chorus sang)
One might think, that heaven was the ultimate destination, but for Shadow Man, “It can fuckin’ wait!”
Born as Ed Gein’s shadow, a life of murder and macabre, made him want to stop the evils of the world.
Upon arriving at Thy-Pearly-Gates, recruiting booths littered the walkway. An assortment of clubs, organizations, and corporations eagerly begged for the newly-dead to sign up. Like a freshman orientation on a college campus, it was disgusting.
So, why would Shadow Man stop at the United States Army recruiting table, and not just waltz on by into heaven, where he would live a life of pleasure and happiness?
Because, fuck, the army recruiter was the finest piece of ass that this-shadow-creature had ever seen. And, he’d seen some hot titties in his time, trust me. Shit, isn’t that how all men get lured into signing contracts?
The army recruiter spoke of purpose. Her soft pink lips said words like, “You can make earth a safer place for the living. And, in the process, earn some wonderful treasures that wait for you, when you enter into heaven.”
Shadow Man didn’t hear a word. Her glorious tits, pressed together, created a valley of hypnotic passion. The recruiter could have said anything, though, Shadow Man would have preferred her say, “I need your cum. Take my pussy with your huge cock.”
She didn’t say that, but Shadow Man, while starring at those galactic melons did say, “Where do I sign up?”
Maybe, it was the light from the pearly gates, or the fact that there was life after death, but those tits… well, sorry fellow readers. There is no proper way to explain them. So instead, think on the best cleavage you have ever seen. The kind that makes your balls swell, and a passion that burns your cock with a frenzy of desire.
Good, Shadow Man saw something like that.
Now, back to the worm hole he was surfing through.
Shadow Man’s first mission- Eliminate the Russian scientist doing unethical research with CRISPR.
If you don’t know what CRISPR is, it is a genome project where they can alter, delete, and add DNA.
None of that matters right now, Shadow Man has two stops to make.
What does every mission need?
∞
Shadow Man rode the tube (curl of a wave) within the wormhole.
SPLAT! He caught his board and landed in Elvis Presley’s living room.
“Shadow Man,” Elvis said and stood up.
“Elvis, good to see you my friend. I need your help.”
(Cough) Elvis brushed the wadded tissue paper off the couch. A tipi was pitched in his boxers. (Blush) “Here, have a seat.”
“No time,” Shadow Man said. “I need your help. Get dresses, I’ll explain on the way.”
Elvis wore stripped boxers and nothing else. His peanut butter gut hung over the waist band. “Cool, I’ll go change.” He took a few steps toward the hallway and then paused. Turning back to Shadow Man he said, “I hope it isn’t a problem, but I just took some LSD.” A worried, but light hearted smile, crossed his lips.
Shadow Man fished in his camouflage vest pocket. He pulled out a pair of golden framed sunglasses. He tossed them to Elvis. “Put those on with that white jumpsuit you have.”
Like a puppy going for a car ride, Elvis raced off on uncoordinated feet down the hall. “Hehehe, a mission!”
(CRASH, BAM, POW)
A rock concert of noises came from the bedroom.
Shadow Man picked up a magazine off the coffee table. It was one, out of an assortment of porn magazines.
Elvis reappeared. “Ready.” He wore a sequined white jumpsuit.
“Looks good,” Shadow Man said, “but, what happened there? You pee yourself?”
Elvis looked down. His left pant leg was stained. “No, just old cum.” He put on the sunglasses.
Shadow Man put the surf board on the ground. “Hop on. We have one more stop before we destroy some Russian scientists.”
(Want to read more? Get your copy at Amazon)
https://www.amazon.com/author/bridgetchase
* Stay Tuned for Episode 2
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June 17, 2018
Bridget Chase Reads His Own Books- Episode 4 ‘Saved by the Quantum Bell’
Join me on this word adventure where time is a Fleshlight ordered by a boy who is anxious about it being delivered when his parents are home.
Now, squeeze out that lube and follow this word meat as it delves deep into the tight flesh of this eager adventure.
*This is a sequel to ‘Passenger Screech’. You don’t have to have listened or read the first one, but everything will make more sense in you do.*
Summary: Mr. Belding, played by Arnold Schwarzenegger, enlists Dustin Diamond and Alyssa Milano to help save Bayside High. The worst shit in the universe is coming. Dustin has to revisit his role as Screech and Alyssa becomes Kelly. With Kevin the robot they journey through the ‘Pearlescent Colon of the Universe’ traversing many parallel universes, with the intent of stopping Pinhead from finishing his sinister plan. Filled with words and endless action shit, lets not spoil everything in this super awesome 4,400 word adventure. If you love Elizabeth Berkley, you’ve just discovered heaven.
Gimme’ this fuckin’ book, NOW!
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June 14, 2018
Bridget Chase Reads His Own Books, Episode 3 ‘Passenger Screech’
In this episode I read my Kindle book “Passenger Screech’. It is a mix of Dustin Diamond’s ‘Screech character’ and Passenger 57. After the story, I talk about the broad events of my life in the last 4 1/2 years.
Summary:
Dustin Diamond is tired of chicks rejecting him because of his past. He and his roommate, Wesley Snipes, decide to take a vacation. Dustin has a change of heart, deciding to embrace the Screech within. This leads Wesley to reconnect with his break out roll as John Cutter, better known as Passenger 57. Screech meets a hot woman on their flight named Natalie, played by the beautiful Alyssa Milano. Dustin tries to score and Wesley sees a building threat on the plane that he must neutralize.
“I want to read this f&%kin’ book myself!”
Follow the link ya’ filthy animal!
Want to see all my books? Of course you do
June 13, 2018
Daniel Tosh & the 3 Bears- Paranormal Disco- Slideshow Excerpts from Bridget Chase’s Kindle Book
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Welcome Saturday Night Fever Creatures,
Follow the neon dancing lights and and try to land that hot piece of ass over at the bar. If you are lucky she’ll spread her cover and let you read all her words.
Click to view slideshow.
Summary
Summary:
Daniel Tosh is bored as f3ck. With more money than he knows what to do with and a boring life routine in LA, he sets out on a weekend vacation of excitement. His new found hobby is not one he tells people about. While on the road he picks up a hot hitchhiker. Together they will battle Indian zombies resurrected by three bears and take on the land of the dead. Action, comedy, sex and violence, this story has it all.
Featuring Daniel Tosh (as himself), Michelle Trachtenberg (as Steve), and Kevin Bacon (as Val McKee).
I Want To Read This Thing Called Paranormal Disco!
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June 11, 2018
Bigfoot Kills the Klan- Slideshow excerpts from Bridget Chase’s Book
Welcome readers of words and clickers of links,
You’ve found yourself in the dark abyss where the White Whale’s rule Virginia and an unlikely hero steps up to stop them in the name of strawberry ice cream pussy.
Excerpts
Click to view slideshow.
“I want to read this bad ass book!”
*Adult Content*
Summary:
Bigfoot goes to Charlottesville for revenge; which brings him to a house in old downtown. The narrative to this part of the plot gets sidetracked (and never explored further) when Bigfoot crosses paths with the hottest piece of a$$ he has ever seen. Doing like mythical creatures do, Bigfoot follows along in hopes of tappin’ that. The woman he follows is carrying an arsenal. She is on a journey to free her people from the KKK, which brings Bigfoot, SMACK! Into an action plot line where the real point is the pursuit to butter the female-action-star’s biscuit. But, in keeping with American aesthetics, bullets are involved.
Is this woman black and her people slaves? Shit, Bigfoot better tippy-toe carefully around this racially accurate narrative.
Maybe, Bigfoot kicking some ass and shooting people will be just the ‘thing’ you need to fill out your day. Get your copy and join the adventure of a lifetime!
Read it now on your Kindle
