Exponent II's Blog, page 217

Relief Society Lesson Plan: “The Atonement of Jesus Christ” by Tad R. Callister

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Photo by Sheba_also, used under license (CC BY-SA 2.0)

Link to the talk: The Atonement of Jesus Christ, April 2019

Introduce lesson with a brief bio of Elder Callister:




Currently serving as President of the Sunday School General Presidency
Served a mission in the eastern US, Bishop, Stake P, Mission P, Area Seventy, then President of the Seventy.
He has given 7 General Conference talks
He was a lawyer before becoming a General Authority




Introduce the talk

President Callister explains that in order for Jesus Christ to perform an infinite atonement he had to overcome 4 obstacles.

Question: Ask class if they can think of these obstacles

Have word strips or write on board

Physical Death
Spiritual Death (sin)
Our Afflictions and Infirmities
Our Weaknesses and Imperfections

There is a story about a man jumping from an airplane and being saved by a parachute. Save this for the conclusion

Callister goes into detail about these 4 obstacles.  Contemplate your class and what you know of them, to determine how much time to spend on each of the 4 areas.  What will be of most benefit to them?

Death:  Jesus Christ overcame death thru the resurrection.  This is given to all of us.
Spiritual death because of Sin.

Jesus Christ overcame sin for those who repent. Pres Callister raises some excellent points in this section.
Some people have trouble forgiving themselves. They see other people as forgiven, but not themselves. Ask Why?  Why is hard to forgive yourself?
How do I know if I have been forgiven of my sins? Elder Erying: “If you have felt the influence of the Holy Ghost today, you may take it as evidence that the Atonement is working in your life.”
Does Eyring’s answer work for you?  Why or why not?
Is it possible to remember our sins and still be free of guilt? This is an excellent question. Callister gives the example of Alma who remembered his sin years later (as did Paul) but the pain was gone.  He was not harrowed up with guilt. He was able to use it as an example of change, of becoming a new person.
Ask for examples from modern life.
Simple example of remembering what it was like to have your wisdom teeth removed, but you no longer feel the pain along with the memory. (yes this is not an example of sin, but might a conversation)
Try to get a conversation going here about the difference between a memory of sin and guilt of a sin. We can be forgiven! That is the message to drive home!
Also stress that everyone’s experiences are different.


Afflictions and Infirmities

The Lord knows how to succor his people because he is experiencing life with us.  He has experienced problems in his own life and he is always with us.
This is not in the talk, but you could bring up the concept of the Light of Christ and how this essence keeps us continually connected to God so God is able to know where we are and what we are experiencing, like a spiritual internet.
Jesus Christ helps us in three ways

Removes the affliction
Strengthens us to endure the situation
Gives us an eternal perspective to understand the temporary nature of our situation


Ask for examples. In the talk is the example of Joseph Smith in jail. Be prepared with some examples to get it going.
What does ‘strength’ look like related to enduring a situation?
How can we strengthen others? (allow them to lean on us?)


Weaknesses and Imperfections

President Callister discusses Grace here.  This is not a commonly discussed topic so it might be good to define or explain what Grace means. Grace is a GIFT from Jesus Christ. It is received in 2 ways:

Via the ordinances (i.e. Gift of the Holy Ghost)
Via Gifts of the Spirit, available to EVERYONE regardless of denomination/membership


What are some Gifts of the Spirit?
How do the gifts help us with our weaknesses?

Goal is to become more like the Savior and Heavenly Father
Be sure everyone knows that Grace is Freely Given to all








Conclusion

Paraphrase the story of the man jumping from the airplane.
Relate Gravity to Justice and Mortality (the 4 obstacles)
Relate the Parachute to Jesus Christ’s Atonement
Relate ‘pulling the ripcord’ as our connection to the Savior and our action in accessing his Atonement. You might say, “He’s got your back” as if you have a parachute on your back.
You could have a picture of a person parachuting as a closing picture.

Bear your testimony of your love for the Savior.

#hearLDSwomen: My Leaders Assume My Husband Is My Superior and Permission-Giver

[image error]The stake clerk emailed my husband to ask him to attend a meeting with the stake president and to “bring your wife.” When we got there, he wanted to talk to me. I was so livid I almost walked out after giving him more than a few pieces of my mind. He defended his actions by saying that my husband was “the head of our family.” My husband backed me up calling BS on that one. It was particularly irksome because it was done via email. How hard would it have been to email both of us? Seriously.

– Lori LeVar Pierce

 

Something as simple as a home teacher asking for my husband when wanting to set up an appointment for home teaching while I am right on the phone, or asking my husband if I can give a talk in sacrament is pretty annoying. I always would just say, you can talk to me about that. So small but undermining.

When I was a single mom, the bishop would not let any other home teacher in my home because I was single…he did it himself. I loved him; he was a wonderful man and made sure that we had blessings and asked about temporal needs, but it offended me if I am honest that just my singleness made me a risk…I mean, I would have to participate in something inappropriate and would never do that, so it always bothered me…maybe I am wrong on that.

– Sherry Andersen

 

In my last ward they did fast offering collection religiously. If my husband and I fasted, we paid fast offerings with our tithing, so it didn’t make sense for us to donate through people coming to our door. My husband was on the verge of leaving the church when they knocked on the door one Sunday. I answered and told the man at the door that we didn’t have anything to donate that day. He looked at me and said, “Is your husband home?” I looked at him with disbelief. My husband heard this and came to the door. The man asked my husband if we had fast offerings this month and my husband, in anger, told him my answer should have been sufficient and told him not to come back. I felt like such a child that day. This was from a man in the ward who I respected because he had such a nuanced and intelligent perspective.

– Alisha U.

 

One Sunday, as ward organist, I was playing prelude. Sacrament Meeting was to start in like 3 minutes. The bishop’s counselor came up to me and told me the stake president wanted to meet with me. I said ok, after the meeting. He said no, they wanted to meet with me right then. I pointed out the meeting was about to start; he said it could wait.

Turns out they had my husband in the office and had extended a call for him to be the executive secretary but had to do the formality of asking me if I would support him. They wanted to make the change that day, so I said I always support my husband in his callings.

But when I left the office and went back to the meeting, I thought, yeah. I should support his calling just like you guys have just supported mine.

– Anonymous

 

When an issue arose with one of our children at church, my husband and I discussed how we wanted to handle it with the leaders. When we met with our bishop, I acted as spokesperson because it’s more my strength than my husband’s.

Our bishop didn’t like our response, so a few nights later at Scouts, he pulled my husband aside to talk “man to man.” We think he assumed that without me there, he could get my husband to come around to his point of view.

– Natalie G.

 

Pro Tip: Treat women and men equally. Women are their own agents; their husbands are not their superiors, over-rulers, or permission-givers.

Click here to read all of the stories in our #hearLDSwomen series. Has anything like this happened to you? Please share in the comments or submit your experience(s) to participate in the series.

“If any man have ears to hear, let him hear.” (Mark 4:23)

Exponent II Spring 2016 “Exclusion Policy” Issue Available Online for Free

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Due to increased interest in the Spring 2016 issue of Exponent II, which examined the November 2015 Exclusion Policy, we have decided to make the entire issue available online for free. You can access it through the link below. We hope that this document will serve as record for history in how this policy harmed individuals and families.

 

Exponent-Spring-2016-toPRINT-web

 

Guest Post — A Separate Spirituality: Planting Seeds of Faith After Leaving the Church

[image error]by Sara Katherine Staheli Hanks

This post is offered in conjunction with a new online course for post-Mormon womxn*. You can learn more here.

I’ve started dozens of journals in my life, but I don’t tend to stick with them. The oblong blue notebook with an orange fish on the cover is my one and only journal with the pages all filled up. I got it because my therapist said it would be important to record tiny breakthroughs at a critical juncture of my life. It was 2014. There were a few main reasons I sought out therapy, but when I sat down and got to work, when I actually put pen to paper, all my stress and feeling was saved for questions of religious identity. I was tearful and angry and confused about my status as a Mormon woman.

***

June 9, 2014

I’m reading the book “The Dance of Anger” by Harriet Lerner. These lines stood out tonight:

“There are few things more anxiety-arousing than shifting to a higher level of self-assertion and separateness in an important relationship and maintaining this position despite the countermoves of the other person.”

Instead of relating this to a marriage relationship, I relate this to my relationship with the church. It’s not a perfect parallel, because the church doesn’t really make countermoves in direct response to me. But the notion of “shifting to a higher level of self-assertion and separateness … and maintaining this position” definitely fits.

I wonder what level of “separateness” from the church I’m comfortable with and would be best for me, now and in the future.

It seems very clear at this point that I can’t rely exclusively (or even at all, sometimes) on the church for spiritual growth or sustenance. And I’m mostly fine with that. There are days when I mourn it all over again, but overall, I think I’ve made peace with that aspect. Is that level of separateness enough?

***

Pardon the late-90s pop culture reference, but you know the movie Titanic? As part of the narration, elderly Rose talks about her state of mind when she was about to board the famed ocean liner:

“Outwardly, I was everything a well-brought-up girl should be. Inside, I was screaming.”

I think of that line all the time when reflecting on this phase of my life. My outward Mormon appearance was good, hitting all the marks, checking all the boxes. But it had nothing to do with what was really going on under the surface. I was mad, and I was scared, and I felt completely powerless to resist all the stories that were holding me hostage.

***

June 19, 2014

I have the feeling that I need a fundamental paradigm shift with the church. Some totally different way of relating to it. But it’s hard to say what that would look like, what exactly I need to change.

To some extent, the church has been an authority figure in my life, and it still is, but right now, I don’t want it to be. I don’t want to look to the church for permission or approval or even guidance. I don’t want to allow it to allow me. I don’t want the church’s standards to be part of my decision-making process at all.

***

Nowadays, when I look back on what I wrote in the blue journal with the fish on the cover, I feel a lot of things. I feel grateful for a therapist who encouraged me to document what was going on inside me, because it really is a tremendous gift to have this portal, this time machine, to transport me momentarily into a version of myself that’s faded with time. I also feel sadness for the heartache of the woman in these pages; I want to scoop her up and hug her, hug my former self into knowing that she’s not powerless, not fated for a life of contorting herself into whatever shape will get the most approval.

Mostly, though, I just feel proud. I did some hard work in those days, asked myself questions that I didn’t particularly like and then really looked for answers. I opened myself up to the possibility that I might find God in new places, new forms.

***

July 8, 2014

After some consideration, I’ve decided to take an extended break from church. So many little things add up, but finally, it’s a matter of paying attention to what my heart and my body are saying.

I hope I can come back with more peace and inner strength. I’m open to learning that I’m better off out in a more permanent way, but I hope that’s not the case. The fact that this is the religion of my birth and my ancestry is important to me. If I can stay in a way that’s healthy for me and my family, I’d like to do that.

***

It’s been almost five years since I wrote all these entries. Long story short: I took that break, but it only lasted a few months. I went back and stayed active and engaged for a while, but it got harder and harder, and I stopped attending for good in the spring of 2017. All throughout the process, and still to this day, spirituality has been a natural part of my life and something I’ve cared a lot about.

It seems to me that many post-Mormon or ex-Mormon folks are no longer interested in pursuing another spiritual path or exploring their religious beliefs once they step away from the church, and that’s an entirely valid choice for all kinds of reasons. That said, it never felt right for me. The things I had loved about being Mormon, the moments that kept me active for so long even when it was difficult, always came down to spiritual nourishment. The hunger didn’t go away.

***

July 16, 2014

I’m reading a book about the Dalai Lama, and it talks about how if you’re so narrowly focused on one acceptable solution, it’s like you’re looking for a lost item but you’re so sure that it’s in one certain room that you refuse to look outside that room — you close yourself off to finding it in an unexpected place. As I contemplated “listening” last night, I thought of how I’ve listened and paid attention to my church-related fears and frustrations and grief, but I’ve only been willing to look for solutions/growth in places that wouldn’t threaten my status as an active Mormon woman. I haven’t really listened to anything that might endanger that. And now I am.

***

When I was active, I tried to remain receptive to other truths, other teachings, from various faiths, but when I separated myself firmly from the church, stopped attending and stopped feeling like that was a problem, the shift was profound. I didn’t see those other rooms, those other spiritual resources, as cute accessories anymore — “Oh, this will be nice to add to my collection!” It was suddenly possible to look in unfamiliar places and find the exact thing I was looking for, the exact myths and practices and guides I needed, and to let them capture my imagination completely.

For those who feel an impulse towards spiritual seeking, there’s almost no end to the possible sources of growth. The important thing, I think, is to believe in your authority to find those seeds of spirituality, whatever they are, and know you’re empowered to decide what belongs in the garden of your faith and do the work necessary to help it grow.

Separate from traditional Mormon observance, there is still blessing. There is wild faith, sprouting up like weeds in the gravel.

Recently, moved by the simmering spiritual need we’ve observed in so many post-Mormon womxn*, my friend Zina and I began developing an online course. We were drawn to metaphors of plant life and gardening in relation to spirituality because they reflect individuality and the cyclical nature of personal growth. No two gardens are the same; some are full of flowers, others more interested in vegetables and fruits that can be eaten. Gardens can be small or large, brand new or maintained for generations, well-organized or wild. Gardens change with the seasons and evolve over decades. The plants that grow within them have their unique cycles of rest, sprout, blossom, shed, and rest again. All gardens (be it a few flowers on a window sill or a full acre of bounty) require fertilizer, and the best fertilizer is compost that forms as we let go of what no longer serves us and allow for death, decay, and growth in our lives. We believe the wisdom from the earth manifest in these plant teachers and cycles is fertile ground for processing and adapting a spiritual life.

We call this course “Roots, Seeds, and Weeds: Cultivating a Spiritual Garden Beyond Religion.”

The course provides powerful content to help you clear the ground, prepare the soil, envision the possibilities, and gather the seeds and roots you need to craft a thriving spiritual garden of your own creation. It will also create a safe and intentional online space you can use to evaluate and evolve in this sometimes overwhelming process. As teachers, we are here to help support you as you ask yourself what is growing in your garden, what’s thriving, what’s wilting? What would you like to plant in the future? Our intention in every moment will be reinforcing the ultimate fact of your authority — that you have all the power necessary to plant a garden and create a spiritual practice that is life-giving for you.

“Roots, Seeds, and Weeds” is a 6-week online course that runs from April 29th to June 9th. Registration is open now through April 28th. We’d love to have you join us. All the information can be found at this link.

*Womxn is an alternative spelling of “woman” or “women” that suggests intersectionality, inclusivity, and autonomy of the feminine. Alternative spellings from the 1970s such as “womyn” and “wimmin” began the tradition of claiming language that asserts an independent feminine reality, not one that is simply a derivative of the masculine reality. “Womxn” was created to be more inclusive of those who identify as femme, transgender, and so forth and to indicate a greater emphasis on intersectionality. Our use of “womxn” in this course information is meant to suggest a welcoming of transgender and cisgender women and femmes. Non-binary folx who are interested in this course are fully empowered to make the call on whether it is a good fit and are welcome to contact Zina and Sara if they have any questions.

Community

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The following is the Letter from the Editor for the Spring 2019 issue of Exponent II. You can subscribe to a digital or print copy at our store. Subscribe by April 15. Cover artwork is by Kwani Povi Winder. You can view more of her incredible work here.

As a member of the Relief Society presidency in my ward, I’ve put a lot of thought recently into how to create a safe community. I live in an American college town, and my ward is pretty unorthodox. Graduate school transplants from the inter-mountain West sometimes struggle to adjust to a culture that is more open to doubt and embracing of diversity than what they have previously known. Making space for everyone is challenging. Striking a balance between those who want simple, faith-affirming, easily-digestible lessons and those who want to wrestle with scripture and share their struggles can be difficult. Add in that we are striving for honesty, vulnerability, and unmoderated dialogue, and it can feel impossible. Can we really make this tent wide enough for everyone who wants to be there?

The Exponent II Facebook page is facing some of the same questions. Our group has grown rapidly over the last couple of years, and it attracts Mormons from across the spectrum of belief, cultures, age, gender identity, and just about any other demographic. Some women have left the Church and feel strongly about the harm they experienced. Some are active and believing. Many are new to feminism and are struggling with concepts of intersectional feminism, such as facing their own privilege, while feeling new to exercising their own voice. It’s a big, sometimes messy, cacophony of voices and the moderators of the group have not always felt like it was possible to sustain a space where people felt safe to express vulnerability but were also challenged to grow.

While we didn’t plan on a theme for this issue, the unifying thread, for me, became about community and how communities can either support or harm the individuals within them. In “Flawed Beliefs and Abuse,” author Celeste LaFollette explores how a theology that consistently privileges mercy over justice can teach survivors that they should not hold abusers accountable. Marianne Pond reflects on her circle of friends that support her as she faces a terrifying diagnosis in “I See the Stars”. In “Home” and “Exit Strategy,” Laura Root and Cara Evanson question where they belong in their ward communities, as Laura makes space for herself as a queer, active-yet-excommunicated LDS woman and Cara faces the peculiar ritual of leaving a singles ward unmarried.

Family communities are particularly complex and full of potential harm or help. Christina Taber-Kewene describes a lifetime of seeking connection with her mother in “The Love of Our Imperfect Mothers.” In the fascinating short story “Meeting the Wife,” Mette Ivie Harrison imagines a relationship between two women–the deceased and dying wives of one man. The heartbreaking “#metoo” speaks to the damage that sexual abuse from a family member can do to a young woman. And in “California Adventures,” Joanne LaFleur explores a personal faith crisis in the context of marriage and motherhood.

I believe that this issue of Exponent II in particular, and the organization of Exponent II in general, holds one of the key answers for building open, inclusive, diverse communities: tell your story, and listen to the stories of others. Speak from your own lived reality. Hold space for others to share divergent experiences. Be willing to sit with discomfort or to rejoice in others’ victories. There is unparalleled beauty in a space that practices deep dialogue and offers genuine solace and celebration, a true offering of charity for all who come to speak and listen.

To read this issue, go to the Exponent II store. 

Guest Post: Moon Child–Redefining Myself

[image error]By Marcela

I recently experienced an epiphany moment in my life. But let me start a couple of days before this event. I was grabbing lunch with a friend whom I had really lost touch in the last couple of years. I was biting into my pizza when out of the blue she started mentioning her doubts about church history and the puzzling dilemma it had all been for her. The concentration of blood in my working stomach all rushed back to my head. Could it be that all this time I had someone like me just across the street? A companion in doubt; an accomplice in searching. I was in awe of her courage, opening up to me without fear of rejection.

I went back home and thought about what just had happened. A person I never thought appeared to have any questions about her religious affiliation and yet here I was, hours after our meeting, full of wonder. How many others could there be close to me? I remember telling her while sympathizing with many of her points, I knew my sister had doubts just like I did, but we would most likely never have an open conversation about it.

What happened after this episode was a domino effect. I was once told, “The moment you let your light shine, others will see it.” I recently decided to live a more unapologetic life. This means I will try to be true to my own moral compass and try not to shy out to protect others comfort. Somewhere along the line, I lost myself to an illusion created only to avoid the unease of others. Wearing undergarments so others could see I was one of them, saying yes to tasks I was not comfortable with just to fit in, and living a specific lifestyle when everyone else was watching to please. All these can be very damaging, toxic. I was trying to live by someone else’s happiness formula when in reality that formula changes in form for each individual.

Fast forwarding a couple of days, I found myself wondering who else was hiding all their pain and doubts and ready to speak out their truths. Fast forward to the night I found out my youngest sister, wife and mother of two, was my lost kindred spirit.

I remember opening a door for the conversation to start, but I was not ready to guide it. I wanted to test the waters, see how much I could disclose without causing a commotion. To my surprise, my little sister was not only empathetic with my doubts but had been on board with her husband on a system of their own. They had been living an unapologetic unorthodox life for quite some time and just thought her big confident like-minded sister was too. It was to her surprise, I was way down the road instead of ahead of her.

That night I stopped feeling alone, but more importantly, I became a moon child. We talked about relativity in everything, especially in being successful daughters of Heavenly Parents. How my ideal world does not necessarily fit into anyone else’s description of their perfect world. We talked about the possibilities of a man seeing three degrees of glory and reflecting his ideal definition of happiness onto everyone else. We spoke about seeing beauty in the moon and discomfort in the sun. He created a one-size-fits-all traveling suit that does not work for all the variety in body types. How Heavenly Parents made us each with a different mold and did not expect us to use the same channel as everyone else to get back to them.

My definition of perfection and happiness was redefined. I was happy to be imperfect. I became enthusiastic in becoming a beacon of imperfection for those struggling around me instead of a mocking mirror where reality comes to die. After realizing I was not alone, I noticed most of my masks slid off my face. I was able to feel my true-self blooming—a moment of rebirth. A moon child who was okay with letting go of becoming an ideal sun. All this was sealed with a matching wrist tattoo, a symbolism of imperfection and open arms to embrace those who are different. No more hiding, no more pleasing. I can finally breathe after living behind layers of clay masks.

Marcela is a mother, dreamer, feminist, life-long student, and woman’s issues enthusiast.

Guest Post: Meet Me in Almost Heaven

[image error]by Vandalia

Empty chairs.

Heaven will be full of empty chairs.

All that loneliness, just waiting for us beyond the veil.

Well, no. Not us, exactly.

Our more righteous, diligent, never-wavering family members and neighbors. They’re the ones who get to go to Sad, Empty Heaven.

But us? People like us? We’re the reason Heaven is Sad. Because we chose to ask questions, to mention out loud that perhaps equality would be nice, even though we are women. Because we chose to love gay people or — you know —  be gay people.

All those empty chairs and Heaven still won’t take us.

We do get to go to one of those lesser heavens. The more-crowded-but-still-kinda-sad Heavens. Meanwhile, the ones who begged for us to get it together already and come back — our very valid questions be darned — get to sit in their shinier heaven, knowing they were right the whole time.

I’m not afraid of being wrong. I know the stakes are high, but I’m not afraid of a lesser Heaven. The Heaven that isn’t quite Heaven. The Heaven that’s almost Heaven.

Almost heaven. That has a nice ring to it. Someone should use that as their motto. Like a state, or something.

There were a lot of messages this General Conference telling the faithful how they should deal with the ones who leave or approach the ones who never came in the first place. Ignore their wishes to not be contacted. Call them to repentance. Tell them that time is running out and they’re going to miss the big sale on salvation. If they don’t hurry, remind them, they might end up in that scary second-tier Heaven.

Almost Heaven doesn’t scare me. I’ve spent nearly a decade on the borders/edges/margins/gray areas of the gospel. That’s most of my adult life. The fear of losing some great eternal reward just doesn’t terrify me the way it used to. Letting every other part of my testimony crumble has allowed me to know my Heavenly Parents and the Savior in a new, clearer light. I’ve learned a lot about black-and-white thinking during this time. It might feel secure to look at the world as though your perspective is the only correct one, but man, do you miss a lot of beauty and complexity that way. When it comes to the light our mortal eyes can see, the only place colors exist is in the space between black and white.

Forget gray areas. This is the whole dang rainbow.

I know, I know, I’m mixing metaphors. But hear me out — I want to live in the places that have bright colors, places where the chairs are all filled. Maybe it’s a little noisy, but look how lively it is there! This is the only life we get. Losing the colors and the people in this life for a promise of some great reward in the next doesn’t really seem like a fair trade. I don’t think I can limit the love I have for the world, for the diverse, complex people in this world (all of whom were created by Heavenly Parents, by the way). Eternity without any color, excitement, and love would not a be joyous one for me.

I don’t want a heaven with limits.

I see Heaven as this big, expansive place with room for everyone. This place where our imperfections and differences are not disqualifying, but holy. If I am wrong, and if the path I’m on right now is the one that leads to this Almost Heaven instead, I’m OK with that.

Honestly, I’m much more afraid of empty chairs in this life. It is crushing to think of seats that should be filled with people I love, but they’re gone. Maybe by the tragedy of life cut short. or by their own choice. Either way they are not at the table with us. Surrounding oneself with conditional love is soul-crushing, after all. They left because a life inside rigid rules and coerced conformity isn’t really much of a life. Maybe they left because we sent them away. Maybe they realized that there is a whole world out there full of people who are ready to love and listen and celebrate every part of them.

Maybe empty chairs and almost heavens don’t have to be Gods’ will.

What if there is more than one test of this life? Perhaps, like Eve, we are presented with conflicting directives. The first, to be obedient to the commandments. The second, to love and love and love until our hearts are bursting with so much compassion for humanity we can barely breathe. If we cannot possibly do both all the time, how do we choose?

As for me and my heart, I am going to love. I am going to ask hard questions. I am going to speak up for kindness and fairness. I will look to the world with wonder and pray to have a heart filled to the brim with empathy for my fellow man. That’s what God has asked of me and that’s what feels right in my bones.

I have chairs to fill in this life too. Not those hard, folding metal chairs from the cultural hall, either. Cozy ones, by a fire, with blankets.

As long as Almost Heaven has fuzzy blankets, I think we’ll be just fine.

Vandalia is a mountain child who approaches the world with a sense of cautious curiosity. The only thing she believes for sure is that food should be the 6th love language.

Guest Post: When God is Love, there is no Sad Heaven

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Photo by Mike Hansen

 

By Jody England Hansen

My life as a Mormon does not include a fear of Sad Heaven.

It does include hearing from many who struggle with seeing something that is beyond their own current paradigm. I remember, as early as the 1960s when I would listen to conference with my parents, hearing very different messages from different speakers. My parents and grandparents would talk about what spoke to their heart, and what didn’t. The discussion could be passionate and personal at times, but I saw that the views and doctrines taught were as individual as the people teaching them. Conflicting messages were heard within the same meeting, sometimes within the same talk.  I saw that I was responsible for my journey in seeking and finding God in the world, and in me. I saw examples of how powerful and limiting bias, or closely held and protected view that certain truth could be.

But that is not a Mormon thing. That is a human thing, and one that I have to constantly confront in myself. I need to catch myself when I expect or demand that someone see and shift their own paradigm. I need to remember how difficult, frightening, or even painful it is for me to confront my own thinking, and step into uncertainty and willingness to live a new life of seeing differently. I also learned that I did not need to wait from others to be teachable, or confront their bias, before I did. I did not need to wait for a message over the pulpit in order to know how to seek my God.

Owning my Mormon journey has deeply informed this practice. Learning the complexities of my faith community from its earliest beginnings has taught me all my life.

Mormonism began even before Joseph Smith asked a question of God.

It began when he was troubled by the teachings of churches that said he would never see his deceased brother again, because his brother had not received the right official blessings.

It began because Joseph sensed that the God who he felt drawn to would not keep loved ones away from each other.

It began because he was willing to open himself up to greater light and knowledge, and to consider that eternal connection, and the love of God is so much greater than anything that has yet been imagined.

It began when Joseph was willing to listen for revelation of Eternal Life that was beyond comprehension, of a radically loving and inclusive God who never stops inviting and reaching out, no matter how long it takes, because there is no time limit on God’s love. He was willing to see a God who weeps, not because They fear we are lost, but because we, Their children, hurt each other and have not yet learned the power of unconditional, transforming love. And even as They weep, They continue to love and reach out.

Mormonism began with a seeking for the complex, inspiring revealing of a God who loves all unconditionally, intimately and individually. This love is the only power capable of turning hearts to each other across time and space, the only power that can save the earth from being wasted by the curse of exclusion, barriers, and the human need to look for reasons to deny love for all.

The message from God when Joseph prayed and sought with open heart still speaks to me – “Don’t seek answers from those who do not speak of the God of Love. We are here. We love you. You are precious. You belong.”

I think some of the great interactions with the divine that are described in our narratives share the message that President Eyring shared at the end of his talk on Saturday. He was concerned in the past about whether he would be able to see family members beyond this life, who were not on the same path he was. He was told “You are worrying about the wrong problem.” Paraphrasing from my view, the message is that he needed to make himself the person who loves as God loves, and trust that our connections would be more wonderful than anything we can imagine.

I hope, as Mormons of every kind, or as humans of an endless family, we will remember the best part of our history.

I hope we will listen for the message of transforming love.

I hope we will not give energy to the wrong problem, but instead focus on sitting with each other in love. It is the only thing that will overcome all.

I hope we will let go of needing some “right” answer to questions that don’t fit our paradigm, and instead be willing to shift to a greater view.

I hope we will be open to connections, now and forever, that are greater than anything we can imagine or have language for.

I hope we will learn to be the people we say we want to be.

Followers of a loving God.

When God is Love, heaven is here, Eternal Life is now. And forever.

 

Jody England Hansen is a writer, speaker, activist, advocate, suicide prevention trainer, and mixed media artist. She lives in Salt Lake City with Mike, near their kids, who have taught her more about love and mercy than she thought possible. She finds inspiration in the many conversations that are happening now as so many people show up and speak up in powerful and courageous ways. She is finding more places where greater diversity of people are speaking love into the face of dogma, removing barriers of bias, and connecting hearts instead of building walls.

Book Review: Baring Witness

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Baring Witness: 36 Mormon Women Talk Candidly about Love, Sex, and Marriage is a collection of personal essays that you’d never hear at a sacrament meeting. These are not your average Fast Sunday testimonies. They are not censored experiences that people will share at church to promote faith. These stories go into depth and pain and discuss what the writers experienced and how church teachings influenced them. The writers talk about both the good and bad times and their thought processes.

In the introduction, Editor Holly Welker wrote, “Religious orthodoxy was not a concern as I gathered these essays; instead, my concern was with a writer’s willingness to scrutinize how Mormon belief and practice shaped her ideas and experiences of marriage, regardless of whether she remained active and devout” (14).

I absolutely enjoyed this book! Though some of the stories were full of sorrow, there were also a good number of stories with happy endings. I appreciated the variety of stories and perspectives. I believe it’s important to read another’s story, because it opens our minds to new perspectives and helps us see beyond the surface. This is why I was so interested in this book!

Many tough issues are brought up in this book: interracial marriage, depression, faith loss, OCD, being single, women’s education, divorce, widowhood, lack of communication in a marriage, work-life balance, and many other things. There are stories of people marrying in the temple and outside the temple. There are stories of women resisting being assigned to a gender role. There are stories of women losing their faith in the church or who had a husband who lost his faith. There are also stories of women deciding whether or not to continue their education. There are a couple of stories about same-sex attraction and one about polygamy.

I liked this book so much because it reveals the truth and doesn’t hide the hard things. Often people see a picture of a temple and assume that a temple marriage will always be a happy and successful marriage, but that doesn’t always happen. I was shocked when a few women in the stories got married in the temple despite feeling something off about their fiance. With some of the stories, I was very surprised and thought to myself, “How can this happen? I had never thought that something like this could happen to someone.” For example, in one story a woman developed OCD after having kids and it was so serious that she couldn’t even go grocery shopping.

A few things were really funny in this book, such as one woman’s story about how on her mission, the mission president’s wife read to the sisters from a book that gave advice on how to attract a husband. The part that really made me laugh was this suggestion: “…pretend to be afraid of cows as an excuse to grab the arm of a male companion” (64). Obviously, the writer didn’t follow through with that suggestion. Another thing I found funny was the idea that asking someone on a date or replying to a date had to involve some big, time-consuming, creative scenario. I grew up in the Midwest, so I had never heard of this kind of thing that apparently happens in some LDS communities.

I especially loved this quote: “…we each saw each other as a complex person rather than as roles or pieces in a puzzle” (107). Many of the women in these stories struggled with the church’s gender role expectations. This really resonated with me because I too feel the weight of being told to fit into a role. When church members talk about women’s roles, it always feels to me like they’re trying to stuff me in a box. I like stories in which women are able to free themselves from these expectations and instead follow their own path and the path that God leads them to.

The essay “Departures” was especially heartbreaking, but the author learned from this experience that “one is a whole number” (134). This story talked about two different experiences that a woman and her cousin had. The writer had lost her husband to divorce, while her cousin had lost her husband to cancer. The writer remarked that the ward members helped her cousin immensely, but they didn’t help the writer because divorce is taboo in the church. In both situations, a woman was separated from her husband, and the people helped one and ignored the other all because of divorce.

I really appreciated the stories about education. One writer got a good education and later said, “I never find myself wishing I had less education or less earning potential” (246). I also liked that there was an essay about being single. When we discuss topics like marriage, it’s important to hear the single’s perspective as well. One of the great things about this book is that it specifically talks about issues found in LDS marriages, since there are certain issues that are peculiar only to LDS marriages.

I highly recommend this book to all LDS women because I’m sure many of these stories will resonate with most women. The book shows that each person is a complex individual, trying to do the best they can under their circumstances. This book can inspire people to not accept things blindly and also to break free from the constraints of gender roles. If you enjoy reading stories about LDS women, about both the hard times and the good times, this book is definitely for you.

Baring Witness: 36 Mormon Women Talk Candidly about Love, Sex, and Marriage

Memories, Prayers, and a Healing Blessing

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Graphic by Jerilyn Pool

In November 2015, the church issued an exclusive policy regarding LGBTQ+ families and their children. You may remember the perspectives of queer women, women in mixed-orientation-marriages, women who are daughters of queer parents, and many more which were shared in response to this change.  Pain was processed as poetry and prose for months afterward. The Spring 2016 issue of Exponent II magazine was dedicated to this topic.

We wept then with our LGBTQ+ siblings, and we weep again today. We join with many others in the expressions of gratitude and relief for the rescinding of this harmful policy. After years of tearful prayers, of struggling to know the will of God and the process of revelation to church leaders, it will be seen as an answer for many. For others, it has come too late to un-do the damage, the lives lost, the souls wounded. We honor your emotions, from anger and rage to faith and hope, and hold space for the expression of those feelings. We honor your experiences of pain and heartache, as well as faith and longsuffering.

As our pioneer foremothers of old who anointed with oil to heal the sick and injured, we likewise offer our healing blessing to the many families and individuals who have been harmed by this policy in the last 3.5 years.  We bless you in your grief and struggle. We bless you for the ways you have wrestled with God for your very identities and for the salvation of your relationships. We pray for blessings of strength and love to fill your minds, and bring you peace. We bless your wounded hearts to be shown overflowing love and charity by those around you, that such pure love may be a balm to strengthen relationships and forge connection. We bless your voice, your words, that they may carry loud and long as you share your place as a child in God’s kingdom. We bless the hearts of the membership of the Church to be turned toward gentleness, meekness, and love unfeigned. We pray for the spirit of repentance to be with those who have judged and condemned. We plea for forgiveness from those who have been wronged and harmed by this policy, and we pledge our words and our work to stand by you. We love and affirm you just as you are, just as God created you. May all God’s blessings come to you, bringing you the fullness of joy and possibility you desire, and may we ever advocate and work for you until that day.

 

— Your Sisters at Exponent II