Exponent II's Blog, page 221

Guest Post — I Want to Take My Body Back: My Struggle With Garments

[image error]by Mamie

Several months ago I shared my experiences on Exponent about feeling suffocated during circle time in Relief Society because of the years of abuse and trauma I suffered in childhood. Now I want to open up about my experience wearing large underwear under my clothes at all times as a requirement for entering the kingdom of heaven and being with my family forever.

As somebody whose mental health issues involve a daily struggle with claustrophobia and a pressing need for space, I have a very hard time with Mormon doctrine that says I must wear a full-sized shirt and full-sized shorts on under every outfit that I wear in order to maintain my temple recommend-level worthiness and marriage covenants. In the super-hot muggy summers of the humid climate where I live, I wear FOUR layers on top and bottom during my period, for a total of EIGHT layers on my body:

1) Maxi pad

2) underwear to hold the maxi pad

3) garment bottom

4) long, garment-length shorts or capris

5) garment top

6) bra

7) modesty top [because I am busty so most shirts aren’t garment standard over my chest unless I wear a giant sweatshirt]

8) shirt

(Note: that I received my endowment decades ago, when women had to wear bras over garment tops. I hear that that younger women aren’t doing this anymore, which is deeply upsetting because nobody ever updated me about this, which would have alleviated a lot of my suffering. I talked to temple matrons, garment store workers, and bishops about my bra-over-top suffocation issues at least annually, but nobody ever updated me about this change in the rules!)

These eight layers are extremely oppressive and make me feel like I can’t breathe. I’ve developed rashes and had fungus outbreaks in my vaginal area during the hot summer months because of all the moisture that collects underneath all those layers after a long day spent cleaning my house or working in the garden. I live in a large, older home that doesn’t have central air, just window units, because it is too old for a central cooling system, so I am never fully dry in the summer. I envy my neighbors who aren’t Mormon and are free to dress in clothes or underwear styles of their choice.

While traveling to a tropical climate that is humid like my home state, I met Mormon women in little shorts who told me that their local leaders gave permission to sisters there to skip garment-wearing due to infections or fungus problems like what I have been experiencing for years. This upset me greatly because my physical issues have always been compounded by my PTSD and other mental health issues related to my childhood trauma, but the leaders where I live never once granted me any relief from my garment-related problems. When I go in for temple recommend interviews and have to report to adult men about my underwear (which is a separate issue that we should be discussing, ladies!), I never received any relief for my complaints about the garment—I only heard testimonies about how protective the garment is and what a blessing, what joy, etc etc. But my garments haven’t protected me, not once. Just the opposite, they have been harming me for decades.

I’ve gained a lot of weight since I first went to the temple and started wearing garments. Over the years, my weight increased slowly so I barely noticed at first. When I was single, I always slept in pajama bottoms and a tank top or bottoms and a sports bra, so I used to see my skin out in the open and be very in tune with my body. Walking around my apartment with my abs and arms fully visible to me like that, I’d pass by mirrors and notice every pound gained, every slightest bulge, then I’d silently recommit to skip dessert for a week or two, or I’d drop and do a few pushups before bed if I noticed my arms looking a bit flabby. But ever since I was commanded to wear this extra layer of clothes in order to see my family again in the eternities, I am no longer as in tune with my body because my body is always hidden from sight under garments, so it slowly began to swell from extra pounds without me even noticing it.

It upsets me that when I was single, I could remove my bra or tank top in bed and sleep all night topless on my baby-soft sheets. What a boon this might have been to my marriage! But I married in the temple where I was instructed to sleep in my garments. Sleeping in garments, however, is a tangled up and uncomfortable affair that induces insomnia. I also feel frumpy and uncomfortable in my own skin now, whereas when I was single I luxuriated in cute intimate apparel instead of wanting to hide my ugly undies under the covers. I still wear cute special occasion pajamas sometimes, but I only wear them temporarily, then my garments must go back on, per church rules. I wonder how many Mormon self-esteems and marriages would improve if women were allowed to select their own intimate apparel and sleep in whatever clothing (or lack thereof) they deem appropriate, rather than in a full-sized shirt and shorts chosen by old men in Salt Lake City.

I want to be able to move and sleep, unencumbered by so many layers. I want to take my body back, but when I try talking to my husband, friends, or family about it, they practically accuse me of apostasy. My feelings about garments have nothing to do with my testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ, however. I love the Lord with all my heart. I am just struggling to believe that a savior who gave His life for my sins would require me to wear uncomfortable, humiliating, alienating underwear as a demonstration of my love for him.

Facts of Life for LDS Teens

[image error]Several years ago I was lucky enough to find a useful reference work in the discard pile at the Institute building.  I have never regretted acquiring About Life and Love: Facts of Life for LDS Teens by W. Dean Belnap and Glen C. Griffin (1969).  You know the authors speak with authority because they use initials, just like the General Authorities.  For today’s discussion we’ll focus on some key excerpts from chapter five “Especially for Girls.”  Read the assigned portions and then be prepared to complete the worksheet. Ready? Let’s begin.

The calling of a woman is not to govern and not to be the wage earner. 

When people speak of equality of the sexes they show that they don’t know what they’re talking about. The sexes are not, never have been, and never will be equal. They can’t be equal. . . No one will say that men and women are equal sexually, because it’s obviously not so. Man’s role is to govern, to work, to support himself and his family. He has the priesthood power. Men rule and run the world almost invariably with the sustaining reassurances of their female companions. Woman’s domain includes the spiritual activities of society and the home. She is the social standard bearer and the source of spiritual inspiration. We would like to make it clear that whenever the gospel of Jesus Christ has been operative in the world, woman has always had the same freedom that man has had, and has been respected by the Lord the same as a man has.

Remember that if you girls cannot do some things as well as your brothers or fathers can, also remember that they cannot do other things nearly as well as you can. If you can see yourself in the role of princess and queen with untold pleasures, satisfactions, and rewards your life will be much happier and more meaningful.

Young men do not have a strong paternal instinct. That is, they are usually not obsessed with the idea of rearing and protecting young. However, young men usually have a strong sex urge. Women, however, have a weak or moderate sex urge but a very strong maternal instinct. The maternal instinct in a woman is complimented by a strong urge for a man to show physical affection and love for his wife, especially by having sexual intercourse. Women also have a sex urge but fundamentally are not as interested in sex for its own sake as they are for the maternal instinct.

We are pleased with the new emancipation and freedom of the modern woman. Now you can speak and be listened to, you can go where you want, and do what you want and you can be educated where and when you want. If you wish, you may become a United States senator, an attorney, a doctor, or even a business tycoon. It is good that these possibilities exist. We feel, however, that these types of careers are not in the best spiritual and psychological interest of a young girl today.

Subjects such as history, government, chemistry, and physics may not seem to be directly useful in managing a home and family, but it should be considered that in addition to being the closest teacher of her children that a wife needs to be a good companion to her husband. He needs someone at home to tell of his interests, accomplishments and projects. We shouldn’t be afraid to learn some things that don’t seem important at the time.

Sex is quite a stimulating experience. . . [Harrowing tale of Debbie who starts off virtuous but because her father dies she becomes a harlot] The one boy Debbie felt she could trust above all others had taken advantage of her and had taken away her virginity. Debbie, after having once yielded, was not able to stop. She continued in the wrong direction so long before she found that she was on a one way street that it was too late to turn around. . . [she] now has an illegitimate child and a wrecked home life to show for it.

It might not be a bad idea to become known as a prude. This will convince the type of man that you really want to know that you are not cheap, handled, shoddy, on-sale goods. . . By following this guide, boys will want to know you because you are a person worth knowing and not because you are the sort of a person who can be counted on as a toy to play with in the back seat of an automobile for a few minutes’ excitement, giggles, and then embarrassment. Can you imagine yourself being that sort of soiled baggage?

If you’re going to be happy in life it is important to remember not to try to meet a man on his own terms.

Discussion Questions

1. Discuss the author’s use of evidence in his discussion of sexual equality.  What self-evident facts support his claims?

2. With reference to specific works of historiography, explain which time periods in world history have featured women enjoying the “same freedom that man has had.”  Your essay should focus particularly on times when the Gospel of Jesus Christ was on the earth, so make sure to discuss gender equality in ancient Israel, the first century C.E., and the United States in the nineteenth century.

3. Write a personal reflection in which you link your personal happiness and meaningful life to imagining yourself as a princess or queen with untold pleasures.

4. Based on the text, speculate on the quality of the sex life between the authors and their wives. Presumably these virtuous men have limited their exploits to the marital chamber and have not been so uncouth as to ask other women about their experiences.  What can we infer about competence and satisfaction from the authors’ sweeping statements?

5.  Explain why it is a good thing for a woman to be able to speak, to obtain an education and to become a doctor, attorney or Senator in theory but not in practice? What is specifically valuable about the existence of a potential path that should nevertheless be carefully avoided?

6. How has your education prepared you to listen raptly to your husband telling you about his interests, accomplishments and projects? How much education is necessary for this to be successful? For instance, the author of this blog post has a PhD in history, a subject that is really not interesting to her husband at all.  Am I nevertheless better able to be a flattering listener? Or did I take things too far?

7.  What do we learn about human sexuality and the Atonement from Debbie’s sad tale?  Use the latest research to support the theory that being pressured into sex once causes you to become a nymphomaniac.  Explain how the Atonement does not apply to Debbie and that she was on “a one way street that it was too late to turn around.”  Do you think the Atonement applied to her boyfriend?

8. Think of some other adjectives we could apply to women who allow liberties. Next time, we’ll see if they are found in the “Especially for Boys” section, or if only girls become cheap, handled, shoddy, on-sale goods and filthy baggage!

9. What do you think the “type of man you really want to know” might be like?  He should know about history, physics, government and chemistry, and you should too, but not enough to meet him on his own terms.  He should think of you as a prude and while he wants you to be a toy to play with in the back seat for a few minutes of giggles, he should also be attracted to your lack of sexuality.  Draw a picture of this ideal man.

Note: You don’t actually have to complete this worksheet, but it might be useful to bring up in your next Relief Society book club meeting.

#hearLDSwomen: Modesty Is Prioritized Over Safety and Practicality

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Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash

At one of my mutual activities, all the young women were required to wear a t-shirt over their suits–regardless if it was a one-piece–while all the boys were, of course, shirtless. Any push back and we were not allowed to attend.

– Sarah A.

 

My daughter went to her adviser’s home for a Young Women swimming activity in a tankini that was quite modest but did technically have two pieces. She was asked to go home and change or wear a tee shirt over her suit because the leader’s husband was there. Same thing with girls’ camp and shorts, men may be tantalized by legs…

– Sherry Andersen

 

My exit interview was with the new mission president and he talked to me about the horrors of pornography and how male sexual response was 75% visual so I needed to be careful with how I dressed and acted around men. We didn’t talk about my mission experience at all. I barely even talked. It was all about pornography, my body, and getting married.

– Chloe M.

 

For one of our stake Youth Conferences, our kids were going to an Army barracks and experiencing some military-style training. On the supply list there was a note: “Everyone who attends must dress modestly. For those who don’t, we have a special pair of clown pants for you to wear.”

I found this to be atrocious. Intimidation and threats of humiliation is not Christ’s way to encourage people to make appropriate choices. I wrote an e-mail to the stake president, expressing my concerns. This email was carefully-worded, logically presented, and supported with quotes from different scriptures and conference talks about choice. I tried to point out, in an objective way, that if they want the youth to feel loved at and excited for church activities, fear, shame, and judgement would not achieve that. Instead, the modesty rules and the clown-pants threat would serve to make sure that only the kids who always attend every activity would come. Finally, I pointed out that they were visiting a hot place where they would be doing physically-active activities; surely dressing to be comfortable in the heat would be appropriate?

When the stake president e-mailed me back, he did not mention a single one of my points. Instead he said referred to the modesty section of the “For the Strength of Youth” pamphlet. He pointed out that the girls in the church have always been encouraged to dress modestly and that the young men who were also attending would not want to be distracted by immodest clothing. My sons and I decided together that they would not attend the youth conference after discussing the church’s unfair and unreasonable expectations for girls’ clothing.

I think what angered me the most was his refusal to seriously consider my objections. Instead, there was a quick reference to the “words of the prophets” and no acknowledgment of the real issue. But mostly it was the insistence of girls’ clothing choices influencing boys’ thoughts.

– Amy

 

I wanted to get a group of women together to exercise together once a week in the gym. It is too humid in the summer to meet at a park. They said yes on the following conditions: we had to have a discussion beforehand on wearing modest workout clothes, we had to have music approved by the bishop beforehand, and we had to have a priesthood holder in the building.

I asked if this included non-members that might want to join us. And I asked if the men that meet and play basketball also have to have the same discussion before they play ball.

It never ended up happening because it was just too much to get a few women together that just wanted a place to meet up and let their little kids run around the gym while they could do something active for themselves. I was bummed because I saw a lot of women that were craving a way to connect and I really felt like I had found a way. That was the beginning of me getting labeled a troublemaker. Sigh. I just wanted to use the gym.

– Anonymous

 

Pro Tip: See women and girls as whole people, not just a collection of body parts that need to be covered. Prioritize safety, practicality, attendance/participation, and the comfort of girls/women over arbitrary rules about how many inches of skin they’re permitted to show. Never tell a girl or woman that it is her job to dress to make men comfortable.

Click here to read all of the stories in our #hearLDSwomen series. Has anything like this happened to you? Please share in the comments or submit your experience(s) to participate in the series.

“If any man have ears to hear, let him hear.” (Mark 4:23)

Summer 2019 Call for Submissions

Clasped Hands of Robert and Elizabeth Barrett Browning by Harriet Goodhue Homer.

LDS scripture tells us that the people of Zion will have “no poor among them,” (Moses 7:18) and exhorts members to “succor the weak [and] lift up the hands which hang down” (D&C 81:5). Yet the church often preaches a form of prosperity gospel wherein faithfulness is rewarded with material wealth and those experiencing poverty are shamed and denigrated. We are deeply communitarian in our theology and provide sometimes extraordinary help to those in need, yet we also talk about self-reliance and work ethic as individual virtues, ignoring the structural barriers that prevent economic mobility.

When have you been lifted by your ward community during a personal financial challenge? When did that community fail you? What does it look like to be a Mormon woman on church or government food assistance? Have the church’s self reliance programs helped you? Are those programs complicated by a culture in which economic prosperity is sometimes equated with righteousness? When has the church felt like it was acting out a culture of scarcity? When has it operated out of abundance? Have you been indirectly impacted by poverty, such as when the fear of there being not quite enough passes down through generations? We want to hear your stories of struggle, power, and cooperation.

Exponent II believes that narratives are a powerful asset for moving hearts and minds. Creative work connects us to one another while simultaneously lifting up storytellers and inspiring the community. As feminists, we care about this issue not just because poverty inordinately affects women, but because we stand with all communities who are structurally distanced from positions of power. Tell us your stories.

Send submissions to exponentiieditor AT gmail DOT com by April 1, 2019. Submissions should be 800-2400 words and in Word or Google doc form.

Fruit Basket

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As possibly the oldest Exponent contributor, I feel some responsibility to warn my younger sisters of some of the opportunities of old age that await them. This past holiday season I encountered a life transition that I had not anticipated. One December evening the doorbell rang, and I answered it to find the youth of the ward, riding on a trailer covered with bales of hay. They serenaded me with Christmas carols. This, in itself, is not unusual. We live just down the hill from the church, and have frequently been caroled to, a convenient stop on their route. But what happened next absolutely amazed and dismayed me. A young man ran up my front stairs and handed me… not a plate of cookies, not a candy cane, but a fruit basket!! A fruit basket!! I could hardly believe my eyes! When did we become fruit basket recipients!

As a youth I participated in the traditional Christmas caroling, and I remember taking fruit baskets to the elderly. You know, the geezers of the ward that maybe didn’t get nutritious food very often, or maybe didn’t have all their teeth or something. Then I grew up, and as a young women leader I became the one that assembled the fruit baskets for the kids to deliver. I tried to choose good looking fruits for the geriatric population of the ward, feeling rather sorry for the pitiful people that got fruits instead of cookies, because you know, diabetes. Little did I realize that my husband and i have somehow become fruit basket recipients! I don’t quite know how it happened. Some life transitions are well defined: Kid, Teen, Grownup, Parent, Parent of Teenagers, Grandparent (the best), Empty Nester (pro tip: buy a toaster oven). Each of these transitions comes with lots of advice from friends and family, articles online with coping skills, a variety of pros and cons. I have never seen an article about gracefully transitioning into a fruit basket recipient. It sort of threw me for a loop. Yes, my husband and I are grey haired. Yes, all our kids are grown up. We do listen to NPR. But, we still live in a house with stairs. We still work at jobs. We don’t wear slippers in public. We still have our teeth. Of course, we are old as dirt to your average beehive or deacon. Using terms like “old as dirt” is proof that we are. I confess to being rather more annoyed than grateful. Perhaps even miffed. I almost chose to be offended.

And yet. The older I get the more I appreciate our interconnectedness. We have covenanted to bear one another’s burdens. To love one another. We can’t do it alone. It is more comfortable to always be on the serving, giving end. But giving can’t happen without receiving also happening. I have been the fruit basket giver, and the fruit basket buyer. Now I am the receiver of the fruit basket. I need to feel gratitude that we were thought of, that we were shared with, that we are part of the family of the children of God. I hope I can be a gracious giver and receiver. Also, the fruit was delicious.

Ordinances that are performed by women

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We talk so much about the priesthood and ordinances at Church, and we usually connect the two together. Since only men are given the priesthood, ordinances are always associated with men (with the exception of female ordinance workers performing ordinances in the temple).

Are there ordinances that are under the women’s stewardship? Are there ordinances that are unique to women? Or in other words, ordinances that only women can perform? I’m sure there are, but women’s ordinances in the church are not well-known. I think that people at church don’t speak much about women performing ordinances probably because these ordinances are not public or are not widely known in the church. For example, initiatories that women perform in the temple are only seen by women who have a temple recommend. Ordinances that men perform (like baptisms and the gift of the Holy Ghost) are public and can be viewed by members and non-members alike, since these ordinances can be done in a church building and aren’t limited to a temple.

Then there are also non-ordinances that men do, such as giving blessings. I believe that giving a blessing and offering a prayer are the same thing, so for this reason, I don’t view a blessing as an ordinance. Back in Emma Smith’s day, it was common for women to give blessings, especially in relation to childbirth and healing, and it’s very sad that the practice went away. It would have been very empowering to women if it had continued, but I think that church leaders connected ordinances too closely to the priesthood, which is connected too closely to men, and that’s probably one of the reasons why the practice was discontinued.

While reading Understanding Your Endowment, by Cory B. Jensen, I discovered a quote that refers to an ordinance that is performed only by women. On page 94, Jensen writes: “While we may not usually think of it in these terms, birth may be considered the first great ordinance of this life. It is a new living endowment, wherein a spirit is miraculously endowed with a physical temple or body…In light of this, perhaps there is no holier priesthood ordinance than the ordinance of birth.”

Jensen suggests that birth is “the first great ordinance” and that it’s the holiest ordinance. He makes a valid point. At Church we usually focus on the future, the potential ordinances we need to receive to reach the Celestial Kingdom, so for that reason the focus is very much on ordinances such as temple ordinances, baptism, and the gift of the Holy Ghost. We often forget that birth is an ordinance too. After all, a person can’t be baptized unless they’re born first.

I’ve often heard quotes referring to women as “co-creators” with God. To me, this wording implies that birth is an ordinance of creation. We only learn about the ordinances that men do, but the ordinance in giving a spirit a body is something that only women can do. One blog says, “The only possible way to enter this mortal world is through the body of a woman and by the shedding of her blood… there is no other way.” Since birth is an ordinance, church members should give it the same spiritual honor and prestige they give to other ordinances.

Jensen suggests that there are three stages of the ordinance of birth. “The first step is performed by the priestess in giving birth, the second by the priest in the baptism, and the third by God Himself in bestowing the Holy Ghost” (94). All three of these have to do with birth (whether physical or spiritual), so it makes sense that they’re all part of the ordinance of birth. While Church members are accustomed to referring to baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost as ordinances, I’ve rarely heard people speak of birth as being an ordinance.

I believe that church members should give more thought to and talk about the ordinances that are unique to women. Men with the priesthood are not the only ones who perform ordinances in the world and in the church. Also, not all women give birth to children. I believe there must be other ordinances that are performed only by women. I’m not sure what they are, but I sincerely hope that new revelation will come that will shed light on ordinances that are performed by women. Who knows, maybe in the future we will find out that women have been performing ordinances all along and that church members just never recognized it.

Do you think birth is an ordinance? Why or why not? Can you think of other ordinances that only women can perform?

#hearLDSwomen: My Career Is Ignored or Not Valued at Church

[image error]I was a new lawyer in a big city. We were having a ward trivia night. One of the questions was how many lawyers were in the ward. Basically everyone answered four, and the official answer was four. One of the senior male lawyers interrupted and pointed out that I was a lawyer, and another woman was in law school. Literally the ward hadn’t even thought to consider that women could be lawyers too when writing the questions about employment.
– Carolyn

Every single time we meet a new couple and the men ask each other, “So, what do you do?” and never bother to ask the women the same question.
– L

Every time home teachers come to visit, they spend the time talking to my husband about school/work and only ask me about being a mom (and only briefly). I am largely ignored. I remember a particular instance where I was the one with a job nannying while going full time to school, but the home teachers only wanted to talk to my husband about his school. My job wasn’t important enough to ask about and my school was secondary to his.

On a good note, a friend from church came over last week to visit and entertain my kids so I could clean up a little (my house had become a mess since school started the week before). Her husband came with her, and he talked to me about Doctor Who, work, school and getting into grad school, all sorts of things. Granted, my husband wasn’t there so I couldn’t be ignored in his favor, but still. It’s sad that me being treated as a human being with interests and aspirations is the exception and not the norm.
– Caiti Hunting

When my mother, a professional writer and journalist, was asked to lend some of her poetry for display at a Relief Society program for the stake, she found them displayed as written by “Sister Anderson.”
– Nancy K.

I was told as a child that my dream of growing up and teaching the gospel full time like my dad did (as a CES teacher) wasn’t an option for me because I was a girl. I was devastated to understand at 12 that God didn’t want my testimony or teaching like he wanted my brothers’.
– Amy H.

 

So Spanish is my thing. I love it. I work damn hard at it. After learning it rudimentarily as a missionary, I honed my skills and pursued a degree in Spanish Translation with a minor in Spanish Teaching. In my old ward, whenever anything Spanish related would come up, they would call on 1 of 2 men to assist. One was taking basic Spanish at uni and spoke a very bare bones version. Like, he didn’t even know how to say “Sunday.” The other had served a mission in Spain 40+ years previously and hadn’t retained much. For everything from temple-recommend interviews for Spanish-speakers to help with pronunciation for Primary songs, and even “share the culture of your mission night” I was overlooked and not invited. I don’t know if they were deliberate slights or not, but even if they weren’t, it’s pretty telling that they didn’t know I’d served a Spanish-speaking mission or that my degree is in translation.
– Anonymous

 

Pro Tip: See women as people who wear many hats and have various roles, interests, and occupations, just like men do. Do not reduce women’s interests and value solely to motherhood, regardless of whether or not she has a career.

Click here to read all of the stories in our #hearLDSwomen series. Has anything like this happened to you? Please share in the comments or submit your experience(s) to participate in the series.

“If any man have ears to hear, let him hear.” (Mark 4:23)

Complicity with Pedophilia

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By Anonymous

The recent news about another sexual predator being employed by the LDS Church despite his admission to a church leader of molesting a child (not to mention the story from last week about a current bishop being arrested on charges of human trafficking and sexual battery) brought to mind this story about my family’s complicity with pedophilia.

My great-grandfather was in a stake presidency and was a temple worker until the day he died, despite serially molesting all of his granddaughters that he had access to for decades.

He didn’t have access to my great-uncle’s daughters for long. As soon as my uncle learned his father had molested one of his daughters, this uncle confronted his father, moved his family far away from the small town in Utah where my great-grandfather lived, and severed ties with the entire family since all of his siblings enabled my great-grandfather’s abuse—despite knowing what he’d done to their own daughters. This complicity includes my own grandparents who knew that he had molested my 6-year-old mother and whose response was to tell her to “stay away from him” at family gatherings. Subsequently, my great-grandfather went on to molest nearly all of my mother’s five younger sisters.

As a result of denying my pedophilic great-grandfather access to his family, my great-uncle was demonized: as a child I only heard stories of what a horrible person he was.

It wasn’t until I was an adult that I learned about what to me is my uncle’s heroism in a toxic family system: he rooted out the cancer that would likely spread through his whole family if he hadn’t by extracting himself, his wife, and his children from the source of the disease. Subsequently, he spent the rest of his life as an outcast among his parents, siblings, and nieces and nephews. He did what was right and “let the consequence follow” (“Do What Is Right,” LDS Hymnal, 1985).

Contemplating my great-uncle’s example of how to protect children from sexual predators in contrast with the Church’s history of complicity with pedophilia leaves me with these questions:

If my great-uncle could make that decision in the 1960s with no information about the extremely high rate of recidivism of sexual predators and the devastating and far-reaching consequences of sexual abuse for survivors, why can’t the LDS Church in the 21st Century do the same?
How many more sexual predators like my great-grandfather find easy prey in the vulnerable in the LDS Church today because this evil is enabled among us?

I shudder to think of the answers to these questions.

If you had the ability to change LDS Church policy and procedures to protect the community from sexual predators of all kinds, what would you do?

 

[Photo credit: Colby Stopa—Creative Commons]

#hearLDSwomen: My Priesthood Leader Commented on My Postpartum Body

[image error]When a high councilman commented on my body, once while pregnant and once postpartum, I was so shocked I just stood there. I guess I was silenced by the unexpectedness of it, and by the fact that he was in a position of authority over me. Now, I’d never let that fly. I wish I had said something like, “Excuse me, are you really commenting on my body? That makes me feel extremely uncomfortable.
– Kristen

 

About a year ago I was talking with my bishop in the hall and his counselor (a 60 year old married man) interrupted us to tell bishop that bishop’s sister was good looking and that bishop was homely. And the two of them totally objectified the sister while I was standing in the middle of the two of them. I was so taken off guard that I basically stood there with my mouth open while I waited for bishop to answer my question. I still wish I had said something to them. I was so glad to move right after that.
– Sarah

 

When I was single, I found that non-Mo guys took “no” for an answer a lot better than most of the RMs I dated.
– Anonymous

 

Pro Tip: Respect women’s autonomy. Don’t objectify women or comment on their bodies.

Click here to read all of the stories in our #hearLDSwomen series. Has anything like this happened to you? Please share in the comments or submit your experience(s) to participate in the series.

“If any man have ears to hear, let him hear.” (Mark 4:23)

Sacred Music Sunday: I Heard the Voice of Jesus Say

[image error]Open Bible with Glasses – Photo Credit Aaron Burden – Public Domain

One of my favorite hymn composers is Ralph Vaughn Williams. Every tune he pens brings to my mind the majesty of God. Near the top of the list is the hymn tune Kingsfold, which is based on the Irish folk song Star of the County Down. LDS listeners will be most familiar with it as the tune to If You Could Hie to Kolob. My preferred hymn set to Kingsfold, however, is I Heard the Voice of Jesus Say.

The hymn is a summary of some of the main messages from the life and ministry of Jesus: “Come unto Me and rest.” “I freely give the Living Water.” “Look unto Me.” And the singer gives the results of following these sayings: “I found in Him a resting place.” “My thirst was quenched.” “I found in Him my star, my sun.”

The music and the text are juxtaposed interestingly – hopeful words paired with music in a minor key. However, I think that’s an important message of the gospel. Jesus isn’t just there with us when everything is light and happy. He’s there with us in the minor keys of our lives as well, calling to us, giving us Living Water to quench our thirst, giving us rest.

I heard the voice of Jesus say,
“Come unto Me and rest;
lay down, O weary one, lay down
your head upon My breast.”
I came to Jesus as I was,
weary and worn and sad;
I found in Him a resting place,
and He has made me glad.

I heard the voice of Jesus say,
“Behold, I freely give
the living water; thirsty one,
stoop down and drink, and live.”
I came to Jesus, and I drank
of that life-giving stream;
my thirst was quenched, my soul revived,
and now I live in Him.

I heard the voice of Jesus say,
“I am this dark world’s Light;
look unto Me, your morn shall rise,
and all your days be bright.”
I looked to Jesus and I found
in Him my Star, my Sun;
and in that light of life I’ll walk,
’til trav’ling days are done.

I Heard the Voice of Jesus Say – Horatio Bonar – Public Domain

I Heard the Voice of Jesus Say