Exponent II's Blog, page 225

Sacred Music Sunday: Love Divine, All Loves Excelling

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My favorite hymn of all time is Love Divine, All Loves Excelling. It was written by Charles Wesley, and it is set to a handful of different tunes. One of the most common tunes it’s set to is Hyfrydol, which is a popular Welsh hymn tune that has several different hymns set to it.

Love Divine, All Loves Excelling is a meditation on the love of God and the power of that love to redeem us. The first verse speaks of the mercy and compassion of Jesus. The second verse expresses a longing for the rest we can find in God and the change of heart we can receive. The third verse sings of the glory of the second coming of Jesus, and the fourth verse sings of the joy we will experience in the life to come.

Whenever I am hurting or unsettled, God always finds a way to send me this hymn. The first time was a little over three years ago when someone did something unkind and unloving purportedly in the name of God that wounded the souls of a lot of people. My heart knew God had nothing to do with that thing and that His name was being taken in vain, because God is love. And the Holy Spirit whispered peace to me and I stumbled across this hymn on YouTube.

It’s happened a few other times over the last couple of years, in mostly small ways. And it happened again earlier this month. I went to the temple a few weeks ago to give the endowment another try, since I had heard that much of what had wounded my soul in the previous version had been removed. I was nervous because I had high hopes, and I was afraid they would be dashed.

I sat in the chapel awaiting the start of the session. As I was praying for peace, the melodious strains of Hyfrydol began to play on the organ. I know whoever programmed the organ intended In Humility, Our Savior, but my ears and my heart heard Love Divine, All Loves Excelling, and my heart was stilled.

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?… Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:35-39

The love of God is so powerful that not even the angels can separate us from it. And if the angels are powerless to separate us from God’s love, then people, even those in high places who think they have that power, are all the less able to do so.

Love divine, all loves excelling,
joy of heav’n, to earth come down,
fix in us Thy humble dwelling;
all Thy faithful mercies crown.
Jesus, Thou art all compassion;
pure, unbounded love Thou art;
visit us with Thy salvation;
enter ev’ry trembling heart.

Breathe, O breathe Thy loving Spirit
into ev’ry troubled breast!
Let us all in Thee inherit;
let us find the promised rest.
Take away the love of sinning;
Alpha and Omega be;
end of faith, as its beginning,
set our hearts at liberty.

Come, Almighty, to deliver;
let us all Thy life receive;
suddenly return and never,
nevermore Thy temples leave.
Thee we would be always blessing,
serve Thee as Thy hosts above,
pray and praise Thee without ceasing,
glory in Thy perfect love.

Finish then Thy new creation;
pure and spotless let us be.
Let us see Thy great salvation
perfectly restored in Thee.
Changed from glory into glory,
till in heav’n we take our place,
till we cast our crowns before Thee,
lost in wonder, love, and praise.

Love Divine, All Loves Excelling – Charles Wesley – Public Domain

You Can Leave the Church, but They Won’t Leave You Alone

The church promised me that I would be happy if I was living according to the Gospel, but I wasn’t. It didn’t work for me the way it did for so many around me. There came a time when I could no longer believe the truth claims of the church I had dedicated my life to. Instead of giving up, I tried for years to regain my testimony. This endeavor gave me a great deal of spiritual anguish. I showed up week after week in my ward, read scriptures daily, family home evening weekly, fulfilled my callings, supported my spouse, taught my children, etc. Meanwhile I was going through the greatest trial of my life, suffering silently as I wrestled with my faith, yet I couldn’t tell anyone, I knew the stigma on doubt. The moment I admitted it to my spouse and parents, I was told Satan had power over me, that I was deceived, and that I was in darkness headed toward the great and spacious building. Those words hurt. I was sincerely seeking, studying scriptures, carefully reading trustworthy sources, praying, and soul searching like never before. I trusted that God was not the author of lies and confusion, but truth. But the truth I was uncovering was deeply troubling. I wanted God to reveal to me that it was true, to dispel my doubts. Ultimately, it was a new question – whether it was okay to step away – that I felt was answered. That was answered with great peace and finally a feeling of hope.

I stepped away from the church according to the ‘unspoken order of things’ — if you’re going to leave, do it quietly. I knew if I was telling people about the things that bothered me, I would incur the scorn of members I still loved and respected. Even though I quietly stayed home from church there were many members who felt threatened and stopped talking to me and even decided not to let their children play at my house.

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I had to consider what kind of God I could believe in, and go with that. I had to believe in a God who would not curse me and punish me for my doubts, but see my honest intent and the pain I went through, and love and lead me still. It is not easy to rebuild your entire worldview at midlife. It is not easy to learn to trust yourself when your family and community are telling you that you can’t, when you grew up being fed the questions as well as the answers and being told only to accept certain sources of information and how to interpret that information. I found I hadn’t been taught actual spiritual autonomy and growth, but mostly loyalty to a system that in the end rejected me.

Since I stepped away, I have become sensitized to the continuing attack on people like me by leaders chosen to represent the church. In the last 10 days I have listened to two talks given to young adults where doubters are caricaturized as petty, immature, fault finding, complainers who are deceived and distracted. Doubt is presented as something of no value, a sin, rather than a normal part of adult faith journeys which can bring to greater spiritual growth. It is said to make people stagnant and unwilling to make the effort for divine discovery, to get them to replace reason with ridicule, replace labor with indolence, makes them blind like a mole in his burrow, a lazy scholar, hard-hearted. If you admit you have doubts, suddenly you are a ‘perpetual doubter’ who ‘let’ uncertainty occupy your mind. This is laughably far from the truth.

What does it say about an organization if you can’t walk away from it with dignity? If the organization is going to tear down individuals that choose a different path? Is it fair to say we are captive by the devil?! The speakers ignore the pain of betrayal many people go through upon learning the church lied to them their entire lives, the hurt of rejection of loved ones who choose to put the church before relationships. Most of the people I know who have left the church have had experiences like mine, that included years of study and soulful attempts to seek divine guidance. I think blind certainty is much more likely to lead to spiritual stagnation, lazy scholarship, and lack of empathy. Why keep blaming the individuals who are sitting in pain? If you say the church brings you joy and peace and helps you be a better person in the world, I trust you. If I say it brings me pain, and I find greater joy and peace and can become a better person on a different path, won’t you trust me? I am learning, growing, working, and experiencing a newness and fullness of life. You don’t get to tell me that I am stagnant and lazy and miserable and unhappy.

The church has an article of faith that says “We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may.” They rejoice when someone has doubts in another church and comes over to the LDS church. They lambaste members who have similar doubts about their own church and consider going somewhere else. What happened to allowing all men the same privilege? If I exercise my conscience and it leads me away, shouldn’t this article of faith lead members to support me rather than condemn me?

The church has made a lot of mistakes. It continues to whitewash history to try to appear acceptable. These speakers also choose to define which questions are primary or secondary, meaning which questions are okay and which aren’t. As well as which answers are okay and which aren’t. I think that is something individuals should decide for themselves. Elder Corbridge dismisses the questions he categorizes as secondary, including questions about Church history, polygamy, blacks and the priesthood, women and the priesthood, how the Book of Mormon was translated, DNA and the Book of Mormon, gay marriage, differing accounts of the First Vision and so on. Many of these issues are things I never heard about growing up extremely active in the church, and attending BYU. I found it necessary to study these questions to determine the answers to the kinds of questions he denoted as primary — ‘was Joseph Smith a prophet? And Is The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints the kingdom of God on the earth?’ I understand if some issues aren’t important to someone else, but I don’t think it’s fair to say something is wrong with me if I find them important. I also find it deeply troubling that the church wants to tell me the hard work of studying these issues has been done by others and I should accept their interpretation that they are no longer issues. Some of us want to look at primary sources for ourselves and draw our own conclusions. Some of us want to come up with our own questions. An important one might be “If the church isn’t what it claims to be, would I want to know?” What are your questions? Which are the most important? I trust you to determine that for yourself.

Didn’t Joseph Smith himself go directly to God for answers? The foundation myth of the Latter-day-Saint faith says that a boy could go into the woods and pray to God and get an answer. A lot of people ridiculed and mocked him for that, but he knew he had to follow his personal revelation. Yet, the church continues to mock people who leave, to deny the possibility that they are growing spiritually or that God could still be guiding their path. We question and we are still the same good people. We love our family and friends, though we sting at the judgement caused by a tradition that has created enmeshed unhealthy relationships where differentiation is seen as a threat. We have a deep sense of personal values and are committed to living them and raising our families as best we can. I am not ‘spiritually bankrupt’! Stop telling my story! Stop trying to destroy my relationships with my believing family and friends! I am a doubter. Leave me alone LDS church!

Talks referred to:
Elder Dale G. Renlund “Doubt Not, but Be Believing” Worldwide Devotional for Young Adults. 1/13/2019. https://www.lds.org/broadcasts/archive/worldwide-devotionals/2019/01?lang=eng

Elder Lawrence E. Corbridge “Stand for Ever” BYU Devotional. 1/22/19. https://speeches.byu.edu/speakers/lawrence-e-corbridge/

To the parts of myself that feel complex things about the temple changes.

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By LMA

January 2019

Many have already written so powerfully and eloquently about their experiences of the new changes to the ordinances of the temple. I would like to share a bit about my experience with these changes. The changes brought up very complex, delicate feelings, and I am still sorting out how and what I feel.

First, the changes are a reminder about the ongoing faith transition I’m experiencing. I have not had a current temple recommend for over a year, and I made that decision with intention and thoughtfulness. Like many women, I have had traumatic experiences with and inside of the temple, and I felt like it was the best decision for my mental health to not attend or hold a recommend. Even though I carefully and thoughtfully weigh all of the decisions I make in relation to my faith (e.g., whether or not to attend church or the temple), I was surprised that I felt left out, and there was a part of me that really wanted to be there and see it for myself.

The changes are also a reminder that I am in an in-between place in my faith. As much as I have made purposeful decisions to take a break and separate myself from my faith in order to assess my situation and attempt to heal, these changes are a reminder that I don’t feel I quite fit in either place – I’m not completely separated from our faith, but I also don’t belong in it in the ways I did before. I am working on getting comfortable being in this in-between place.

Second, the changes are a reminder of past trauma related to the temple and how I’ve been treated as a single woman within my faith. In total, I approached four different bishops in four different wards I lived in about receiving my endowment. These efforts to get information about receiving my endowment and initiate that process were very anxiety provoking and I now recognize traumatic. I feel really sad and angry now that when I was told “no” the first three times, there was a part of me that just accepted it, and felt really ashamed and embarrassed I thought I had any right to ask. This was wrong. I was worthy and deserved to have the opportunity to attend the temple.

At age 26, a fourth bishop was open to me receiving my endowments, and I proceeded forward. Because it took so long for me to be able to receive my endowment, I wasn’t able to go to any temple weddings of family or friends until I was 27 years old. When I started graduate school, I remember a new friend asking me with shock “so you haven’t been to the weddings of any of your siblings?!” I remember I told her no, I hadn’t. I remember not being upset about it, because that’s “just the way things are.” Of the two temple weddings I attended while I had a current temple recommend, I had the most traumatic experience I’ve ever had in our faith in the temple on my sister’s wedding day.

Third, the changes are a reminder of how profoundly exclusive our faith often is, and the emphasis that is put on arbitrary labels, status symbols, and power. Having a current temple recommend and getting married in the temple (and receiving one’s initiatory and endowment in preparation) are seen as the ultimate status symbol, and those who are not partnered or in partnerships beyond cisgendered, hetersosexual pairings are denied access to the resources and privilege that are afforded to others. Even when I had a current temple recommend, because of my experiences trying to receive my endowment and my experience on my sister’s wedding day, I didn’t feel safe there, and it was very clear that I was not wanted. It was also clear that as a single person, I couldn’t have access to the status, resources, and privilege of a partnered and married person.

There are days when I feel like a very small version of myself that wants to show everyone how good I am – to show them all of the attractive parts of me, the parts that are good and palatable, begging those in my family and in my church to love and see me for what I am.

But then another part of me takes over – and these are the things I would gently tell the parts that feel this way:

You are whole and powerful unto yourself, period.
You are powerful, and you have been powerful this whole time.
You are intricate and complex and valuable and enough. Others were/are profoundly wrong for not treating you as such.  
You deserve to be seen and treated as a first priority regardless of any arbitrary labels you might or might not have.
Even if others choose not to see you intricacies and wholeness, it doesn’t change what is true and real. You are intricate and whole, regardless of whether or not it is seen by others.

No matter what your faith, temple recommend, and marriage situation is – please know how powerful and important and needed you are.

LMA is PhD-holding boss lady that teaches child development to university students. She cares deeply about issues that affect women inside and outside of our Church.

Guest Post: When Asking for Forgiveness

CW: child abuse and neglect

by Anonymous

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Non-illustrated album leaf from the 17th century made in Northern India*

Members of my extended family feel a special bond with Brad, my nephew. He has an infectious smile, intelligence, empathy, and an eye for seeing the beauty in everything. He’s an old soul, who has lived through too much tragedy in his young life. And, he recently taught me a point about forgiveness that I had not known I was missing.

I’ve watched him grow up. He was one of those kids who didn’t mind talking to adults, and we have similar interests in music, art, and social justice.

In April 2015, Brad called me.

“I need to start telling my family, and you are one of the people I wanted to know first…I am gay.”

In November 2015, his heart and many other LGBTQ Mormons and their families were broken by the Exclusion Policy.  In a way, this policy made Brad’s decision to leave easier; he told me that the change in the Church’s handbook was a clear sign that our church did not want him. The rest of our family has muddled through this as many families have. My sister (Brad’s mother) and the majority of our family continue to be active, i.e. attending church weekly and fulfilling their callings. Some of us have chosen to step away because of this policy.

As Brad watched family members remain in the Church, he decided it was best to complete an estrangement he had started with his parents a couple years before he came out.

I knew my sister’s home, where Brad was raised, had issues. But, as we have grown closer, he has told me that things were more awful for him growing up than I suspected.

Looking back, I knew something wasn’t right with my sister and her husband, but I never confronted his parents. I never did anything beyond thinking, “Hey, I should probably do something about this.” For years, this thought popped into my brain after nearly every interaction I had with my sister’s family. But, I would always explained to myself that I was being paranoid, I convinced myself I would destroy the relationship with my sister, and I was sure she would not let me in her kids in my life at all if I addressed my suspicions of physical and emotional abuse with her. 

I love Brad, and I believe him when he details abuse and neglect. I fully support him in doing what he needs to do to heal from his past. And, yet, my conscience pricked at me as we have spent time together now that he is a young adult. I knew I needed to ask for his forgiveness for those years when I should have been his watchful and brave aunt.

Last spring, in a moment of bravery, I said, “Brad, I need to ask for your forgiveness. I don’t know what I should have done, but while you were growing up, I should have done something to help you. I could see the situation was bad. I still don’t know what I should have done. I feel like I should have this figured out, and I don’t know how I can fix this with you. But, it was wrong, and I am so sorry.”

Brad said, “It doesn’t matter that you don’t know what you would have done. It matters that you asked for forgiveness.”

Sometimes, I don’t trust my instincts; I have a feeling that I did something wrong, or I see a situation that feels wrong. In order to not feel my discomfort and act on it, I try to rationalize it away…maybe I didn’t hurt that person, maybe my imagination is being overactive and the person I suspect isn’t doing anything bad. I try to compartmentalize my feelings and doubt myself.

I realized as Brad gave me his  forgiveness that I don’t need to know how to fix what I have done to repent and ask for forgiveness from the person I hurt.

Also, I can forgive myself for not addressing the situation and determine what I will do in the future. But, first, I have to begin by seeing the harm I caused and feeling real sorrow instead of trying to explain it away. I have watched other family members try to explain away their discomfort, and I see Brad smile patiently with them. That first step is hard.

Often, it’s more comfortable to reframe a narrative or refuse to see the hurt we have caused. But, Brad has taught me that I don’t need to fear those emotions that cause me pain. When I embrace them with humility, I can see the path for my growth more clearly and be kind and forgive myself as I muddle my way on that path.

Due to circumstances surrounding this post, our author has chosen to remain anonymous and will not be posting more on this subject.

Guest Post: Personal Prayer Rolls

[image error]By Maureen Edgerly

My grandmother, Catherine, was born in 1884. I saw her almost daily for most of my childhood until her death in 1980. Gramma had a daily prayer practice that I occasionally observed, but always knew about.

Each morning she would sit in her chair, review her prayer cards and begin praying. As a Catholic, her prayers were sometimes read, recited or spontaneous prayers. We, the grandchildren, were often reminded that Gramma said a rosary every day for us and for many others.

This has more meaning to me now, as an adult. I am grateful that she took the time to think about me daily and pray for my safety and guidance or whatever specifics she was contemplating.

I have inherited one of her prayer books and a few of her prayer cards. I think about Gramma holding her prayer book with these cards, praying for the living and dead, whom she loved so much.

I live in the Washington DC Temple District and our temple has been closed since March 2018. The closest temples are in Philadelphia, New York and North Carolina. I was a frequent temple patron/worker and made ready use of the prayer roll at the DC Temple. I miss that venue for collective prayer on behalf of the anonymous names in the prayer roll.

I’ve been thinking about temple prayer rolls, my grandmother’s prayer cards and my own prayer lists. Lately, since the temple closed, I have taken to writing down the names of people/situations I want to remember in my prayers. I keep them together with Gramma’s prayer cards and take them out and review them prior to beginning my prayers. It helps make the prayers specific, and it sometimes leads to direct inspiration for ways I can be of use in answering the very prayers I am saying.

Sometimes when I am tired it helps me have a meaningful prayer with real intent, rather than sliding into bed mid-prayer. I can also mention the “people on my list” without naming each one in my head.

I know I am on other people’s lists and I appreciate that so much.

What about you? What ways do you use to remember specific people in your prayers?

Maureen enjoys time with her family, especially her grandchildren. She enjoys knitting, swimming, walking, talking and contemplating.

Guest Post: If All Sisters Spoke of the Temple

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By Tatiana Scoll

“I ask no favor for my sex. All I ask of our brethren is that they take their feet off our necks.”

These are the words of feminist Sarah Grimké (revived by Justice Ginsburg). They were written in 1838, the same year Joseph Smith fled to Missouri and began his first polyandrous marriage. Washings and anointings had already been performed in the Kirtland temple, but the endowment ceremony was still four years away. Feminism would not touch Mormonism for a long time. Once it began to swell in the ranks, Elder Packer would brand the movement an enemy. That was in 1993, when I was seventeen. I didn’t want to become an enemy of the people I loved most, so I did not ask for or expect equality, let alone fight for it, as I would in any other arena of life. By choosing the church over my own sense of fairness, I lost a giant piece of self-respect.

Today the church is looking better: the temple ceremonies are much improved. Will feminists be happy with these changes? Are they a victory for equality in the practice of faith? Yes.

And no.

What kind of success is it if a person can’t speak of it? If silence is required to honor what is sacred, then women will never speak of themselves or of their own relationship to Deity. The temple changes are good, but they come with the reinforcement of a huge problem—it’s the same foot on our throats, cutting off air, cutting off words, cutting off connection to one another.

If all sisters could speak freely about the temple, what conversations would we have in our homes, in our meetings, with our friends, with our mothers, with our grandmothers?

Many would celebrate. They would rejoice that a vital covenant can be made directly to God rather than through a husband. They would give praise for all the improvements that result in more equality and, therefore, more dignity for women.

Some sisters would tell you with tears of joy that their prayers have been answered. Some might mourn the long years spent waiting for God to help His daughters in need.

Some sisters might say they always thought that wearing a veil was beautiful. Some might say it was strange, because no one ever explained it. Some of us would weep, remembering the humiliation we felt when hidden behind it.

Some sisters would express worry. Are they bound to the old covenant or to the new one? How do they reconcile past decisions to follow a husband’s leadership at the expense of their own judgment?

Some women would admit their surprise. Why did this happen? Maybe they didn’t notice a problem before, never heard their sisters complain, never saw the agony of those who felt inferior in the kingdom of God, never knew how some cried alone, always alone, because this thing was not to be shared.

Some might tell you they are puzzled. How are such revisions possible? If ordinances are this changeable, how reliable are they? And if something so foundational can be altered, are women more justified in hoping for the priesthood?

If sisters could speak openly of the temple, they might ask what today’s ceremonies teach about gender and marriage. They might ask if this proves that previous objections to the ordinances were righteous after all. They might ask if it’s okay to stand for equality now. Is it finally acceptable to be a feminist?

A feminist might ask why there was no apology to accompany these changes, or even an explanation. A feminist might say it’s like an Emancipation Proclamation, but without the proclamation—it’s hugely important to women, and yet, to leaders, it’s not worth mentioning. A feminist might say the absence of communication feels like expert gaslighting, like an insistence that there was no prior issue. A feminist might notice that the polygamy change got a manifesto and the 1978 priesthood change got worldwide news coverage, but when women significantly shift toward equality in their covenant tie to God, it can’t even be verbalized. In fact, there are multiple reminders—online from the Mormon newsroom and in the temple from the First Presidency—insisting that the changes should not be discussed. Some would tell you that the silence feels like a kick in the face.

If sisters could speak freely, a few might remind you that in 2014, the church showed the world our garments and temple clothing, something we all covenanted to keep private. Clearly, when there is a need, leaders see fit to talk openly about even the most sacred, previously unmentionable things. There is a need again.

If all sisters could speak of the temple, you would hear heaps of profound grief. You would hear it not just from women abused by husbands who were empowered with a superiority they learned in the temple, but also from those who suffered in marriages that were unequal in any way. In fact, you would hear it from all of us who were taught to see our eternal, divine selves as dependent. We all suffered from sexist teachings, sexist ceremonies, and the required silence surrounding them.

I know what I would say to the brethren. With your feet lifting off our necks a little, we are gasping for air. Women need to speak, to remind one another that they matter, that fairness and equality are just and good, and that self-respect has always been worth fighting for. If all sisters spoke of the temple, old wounds could heal. Our relationships with our sisters, mothers, daughters, husbands, brothers, fathers, and sons could increase in understanding and love. There is no other way but to speak.

 

 

My experience with the new temple changes

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When I heard about the temple changes on January 2nd, at first I thought, “This sounds too good to be true. Maybe they’re just rumors.” I worried that if I went to the temple to see the changes, and found out it wasn’t true, I would be sorely disappointed.

After more people confirmed that some great improvements had been made to the temple ceremonies, I was overjoyed. It felt like a huge burden had been lifted from me. A huge, heavy burden that I’d carried on my shoulders for several years. On January 2nd, I felt like I was dreaming. I still couldn’t believe that the sexism had been taken out of the temple! I decided I had to go see it for myself.

I’ve been endowed for 10 years and, about a year ago, I had stopped attending the temple because it brought me too much pain. Whenever people talked about how great the temple was, I didn’t share in their joy. To me, the endowment ceremony belittled women and was more of a roadblock than a spiritual haven.

But, I felt that to be a faithful member I had to do the temple work for my ancestors. So at first I forced myself to attend the temple, even though it filled me with anxiety. I seemed fine when I was at the temple, holding everything in. But when I came home, the pain would pour out. When I couldn’t take it anymore, I stopped going.

And now, for the first time in years, I felt like I wanted to go and see the improvements for myself. For the first time, I didn’t dread the thought of going to the temple. My husband confessed to me that he hadn’t cared much about going to the temple anymore, because he had seen how negatively it had affected me. Now that changes had been made, he was willing to attend the temple again.

Since I live an hour away from the nearest temple, I had to wait a week before our schedule allowed us to go. My husband and I got up early and drove all the way to the nearest temple. We arrived early, so we had to wait about an hour there as well. But it was well worth it.

I went in the endowment room feeling very happy and hopeful. The room was packed! There were so many women that they had to pull up extra chairs and have several women sit on the other side of the room as well. The movie started, and I eagerly took in the new version.

When they came to the part about Eve and Adam being sent out of Eden, I was so happy to see that Eve wasn’t being punished anymore. Everything sexist that had bothered me for all these years had been taken out. It was like a difference of night and day!

During the prayer circle, since I didn’t have to cover my face anymore, I felt more included. I could see everyone’s faces. As I glanced around, I realized I had never noticed before that people close their eyes during this part of the ceremony. Before the changes, I hadn’t felt the need to close my eyes because I couldn’t see much anyway with the veil over my face.

I was so glad to hear Eve’s voice at the end of the film. I recognized Eve’s quote from The Pearl of Great Price. It’s one of my favorite quotes because Eve explains that the Fall was a positive thing. I hope that in the future they will increase Eve’s dialogue in the film even more.

While the endowment still isn’t perfect, it has definitely been greatly improved. It is now a much better experience for women. I think that many people will benefit from the changes and go to the temple without feeling ill or uncomfortable.

The other great news is that since they made this change (which is a huge and historic change), they can make many others. I’m confident we will continue to see positive changes such as these in the church. I feel like this great change is paving the way for more improvements to come.

#hearLDSwomen: My Bishopric Would Not Staff Callings in My Auxiliary

[image error]As Primary president, I would submit names for Primary callings and get no response, OR, even worse, I would give them a slew of names and they would call someone totally off the wall and not tell me. I would just find out in Sacrament Meeting with everyone else. This included even my counselors. After several Sundays of not nearly enough people to cover the callings, we sent all of the children back to their parents and told them we didn’t have the coverage and couldn’t guarantee safety! Guess what….those callings were filled fairly quickly. It’s ridiculous!!!

– Kelly C.

 

Every single time our RS presidency asked for a specific teacher and were turned down by the bishopric.

– L

 

I served in Relief Society, Primary, and Young Women presidencies and have faced the same issue each time. We were constantly losing people because they were “needed” for another calling. And then we would ask for people and were told, “they already have a calling.” And EVERY time, I would say something like, “so did the person you just pulled from this calling, but yet here we are.” I got so many blank stares. In all the years in the church that I faced this, I only once had a bishop who actually stopped for a second and then said, “you know, you’re right. I don’t know why I didn’t see it like that.” And I mean, we all know why he didn’t see it like that. But it was at least refreshing that he listened.

– Leah Marie Silverman

 

When I was in a Primary presidency, we had been trying to get a Sunbeam teacher for months. It was so bad with subs, one of the Sunbeams asked his substitute teacher if she would be there the following week. Anyway, we had submitted names and were waiting on one to be approved. Then we got released and a new presidency quickly called. I lost it on the counselor who released us. They wouldn’t give us a Sunbeam teacher forever but quickly replaced us as a presidency. His excuse for them not approving the Sunbeam teacher? “She may have been considered as a counselor [in the new Primary presidency] and so we were waiting.” Because Primary teachers aren’t as important as the presidency.

– Mary Siever

 

As Young Women president, I spent many weeks trying to fill in a presidency. No matter what my input was on what we needed for our presidency, the bishopric first counselor would find a reason to veto it. The fact that I only had the chance to suggest counselors, and men had the chance to actually decide what was best for us, will always piss me off.

– Gail Bennett

 

When I was a ward choir director, the bishopric were taking forever in calling an accompanist. They kept saying “they had other ward business to attend to that was more priority.” Months went by. I finally prayed myself and asked a woman I knew to play. After the next ward choir performance, the counselor overseeing the music approached me and said I made a bad move asking the lady to fill in. He said I had no authority to do what I did. Of course I continued to keep the same woman even though it ticked off the bishopric.

– HB

 

Pro Tip: Keep female auxiliary presidencies in the loop with the status of callings, and never extend a calling that falls under a woman’s stewardship without her knowledge or permission. Extend callings promptly, and whenever possible, staff callings with the people the women have felt inspired to call.

Click here to read all of the stories in our #hearLDSwomen series. Has anything like this happened to you? Please share in the comments or submit your experience(s) to participate in the series.

“If any man have ears to hear, let him hear.” (Mark 4:23)

A Letter to My Daughter on the Day of Her Baptism

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To my daughter, on the day of her baptism,

On this day eight years ago you were eight days old.  At that time there were many things I didn’t yet know about you, things that I know now.  One of the best things about being a parent is getting to know your child, and sometimes you realize there are things you didn’t see when they were very young, but looking back, it’s clear they were there all along.  For example when you were a baby if I hummed or sang a note to you, you could hum or coo that pitch back to me, and I could tell it made you happy to do it. Now that you’re eight, we know how good you are at remembering and repeating melodies, and at matching musical tones and phrases.  When your teacher plays with a certain tone on the violin you’re good at replicating that sound, and if you’re singing, you’re good at matching pitch just like when you were little.

Other things I now know about you are that you have a great sense of humor, you love and are curious about living creatures, and you ask interesting questions like “What do babies think about?” or “Would you be happy if you were a tree?”  I also know that love to learn.

Something you’re learning to do right now is to read music.  Note reading is hard for you because it’s faster to learn a song by listening than by reading, but you’re getting it.  You know that reading notes is part of what musicians do.

Today you’ll be baptized and confirmed a member of the church.  Your baptism is a promise to be a disciple of Jesus. Being a disciple means following Jesus and keeping his commandments; in a way it’s following his instructions.  And just like musicians take their instructions from a notes on a score, disciples take their instructions from somewhere too. Their instructions come from the scriptures.

There’s a story in the New Testament about when people asked John the Baptist how to be a disciple and what they needed to do to be ready for baptism.  It’s from Luke chapter 3 and it goes like this:

The people asked John the Baptist, saying, What shall we do?

He answered and said to them, If you have two coats, give to someone that doesn’t have one; and if you have food, do the same.  

Then came also publicans, who were tax collectors, to be baptized, and they said unto him, Master, what shall we do?

And he said to them, Take no more than that which is appointed you. (In other words, don’t steal extra money from people when they pay their taxes).

And then the soldiers likewise asked their question, saying, And what shall we do? And he said to them, Do violence to no one, neither accuse any falsely; and be content with your wages.

In other words, John the Baptist told the people to share with others, especially with the poor, to be fair and honest, and to be kind and grateful.  Those are instructions for being a disciple of Jesus. They are instructions you already know and are already following, but they’re also things that can be hard to do.  It’s a lifelong challenge to live up to them. I know you are up to that challenge and I’m proud of you for wanting to try.

I think the instructions in the scriptures are a lot like the musical scores you’re learning to read in some important ways.  

First, they are a guide to creating something wonderful.  The apostle Paul said that we should seek after things that are virtuous, lovely, of good report, and praiseworthy, and a life modeled after Jesus is all of those things.  A special musical composition can also be all of those things, too.

Second, while the notes in the score or the words in the scriptures give instructions for what to do, the way those things are done, the execution and interpretation, those are up to you.  The results of following both kinds of instructions will be individual. For example, think of how recordings from famous musicians playing the same piece all sound different.  Do you remember how we’ve listened to different recordings of the Bach suites for solo cello? We’ve heard Yoyo Ma, Jacqueline du Pre, and Pieter Wispelway play them, and they each sound different.  That is because they’re individual people with their own special ways of doing things.  The same is true for how people live as disciples of Jesus, and that’s part of what makes life interesting and beautiful.  You get to read the instructions for sharing, being honest, being kind, and being grateful but they way you do those things will be up to you.

What I’m trying to tell you is that a musical score isn’t music any more than the words in the scriptures are the gospel.  They both have to be practiced to come alive. Of course you know that notes have to be practiced to become music. It’s also true that the instruction to share is just words on the page until we actually invite a friend to join our game at recess or save a birthday party treat to share with our brother.  Jesus’s teachings have to be lived to mean anything at all.

How do you become a musician?  You practice. How do you become a disciple?  You practice. You practice, and you make mistakes, lots of them, because mistakes are how we learn.  Jesus is there to help turn our mistakes into growth so that we can be better and stronger disciples as we go along.

Finally, the last way a musical score is like the instructions in the scriptures is that there is no such thing as a perfect performance of them.  Do you remember the video we watched of the cellist Zuill Bailey?  He says he’s never had a perfect performance.  He is a wonderful musician and a professional, and even he says he’s never had a perfect performance, which is okay because if he ever does it will mean he’s done learning, and he never wants to be done learning.  But he is always practicing.

My dear daughter, I love seeing you grow, I love seeing your individual character develop, and I’m proud to see you practice at being a disciple of Jesus.  Your dad and I, your brother, your grandparents, and teachers and friends are all here to help you with that, because we are all practicing at being disciples too.

Love,

Mom

#hearLDSwomen: My Authority Was Disregarded at the Temple

[image error]When I was in college, I was the institute president. We organized quarterly trips to the temple to do baptisms for the dead. One time, a group of about ten of us went. We presented our recommends at the desk, and then we were asked who was in charge. I said that I was. The brother who asked ignored my response and asked again. I once again said that I was in charge. I was once again ignored. My (male) first counselor stepped up and told the brother that he was the first counselor and that I was the president and therefore in charge. The brother asked my first counselor to call on someone to pray.

I was furious. I don’t care that I didn’t get to pick who prayed, but I was so angry at the sexist and demeaning way my authority was dismissed because this man couldn’t comprehend that a woman would have any real authority in a mixed-sex group. And I knew this brother, too, because I was an ordinance worker at that temple.

– Anonymous

 

This really hurt and caused unnecessary anxiety on my sealing day: We were both previously endowed before our sealing and advised the Provo temple of this before the day. They were really excited we had chosen their temple instead of some of the other ones nearby for our sealing. When we were performing the short veil ceremony beforehand, I responded with my temple name and got no response. So I said it again; still nothing. The man on the other side assisting my husband asked my husband to ask me again, I responded, he asked again, I answered. Silence. The matron just looked at me. I finally said, “That’s my name. I’m being sealed. I’m previously endowed.” At this point I started crying because I started to feel so anxious, and I was interpreting it as a sign that God didn’t want me to get married, or some such. The matron finally led me over to a chair, and they called my husband over. He explained I was previously endowed. I’m not sure what happened at the veil, other than the male worker being confused. Then we continued on with the correct name. It was humiliating. I’m just now figuring out why. This has bothered me for years, and as I’m typing, its impact is hitting me. He had to fell them I was previously endowed and the right name. They just thought I was confused.

What further rubbed salt in the wound at the time for me was that I was at least a weekly temple attender, and knew much more about all of it than my husband did. It felt so dismissive. My saying my name over and over was seen as a mistake, and not a thought was given that I might actually know what I was talking about. My husband didn’t have a clue, which is why I suppose he didn’t say anything to the male worker assisting him.

– Anonymous

 

Pro Tip: Respect women’s authority, and recognize that women can have authority over both men and women. Give women the benefit of the doubt that they know what they are talking about.

Click here to read all of the stories in our #hearLDSwomen series. Has anything like this happened to you? Please share in the comments or submit your experience(s) to participate in the series.

“If any man have ears to hear, let him hear.” (Mark 4:23)