Exponent II's Blog, page 229

#hearLDSwomen: Lack of Support for Women Pursuing Grad School

[image error]My husband and I were fortunate enough to get accepted to different programs at the same graduate school. When we started telling ward members that we were moving for graduate school, everyone’s immediate response was to turn to my husband, congratulate him, and ask what he would be studying. It got really tiring to have to chime in and state that I was going to school as well. People didn’t always know what to say and it ended with a lot of awkward looks and questions about when we’d start having kids. No one was concerned about our ability to care for children when my husband was accepted to graduate school, but my education seemed to be a barrier to our eternal family and salvation. Ward members’ reactions left me feeling guilty for choosing to finish my education before we started a family. It was a very disheartening way to begin a new chapter of my life that I should have been very excited about.
-Anna

Pro Tip: Support women’s educational goals. Show enthusiasm when women talk about their plans to pursue higher education.

Click here to read all of the stories in our #hearLDSwomen series. Has anything like this happened to you? Please share in the comments or submit your experience(s) to participate in the series.

“If any man have ears to hear, let him hear.” (Mark 4:23)

Guest Post: Stewards and Kings

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By Anonymous

Once, not terribly long ago, I was reading through the story of Alma and Abinadai. Mosiah 18:13 & 18 stuck out to me:

13 And when [Alma] had said these words, the Spirit of the Lord was upon him, and he said: Helam, I baptize thee, having authority from the Almighty God, as a testimony that ye have entered into a covenant to serve him until you are dead as to the mortal body; and may the Spirit of the Lord be poured out upon you; and may he grant unto you eternal life, through the redemption of Christ, whom he has prepared from the foundation of the world.

18 And it came to pass that Alma, having authority from God, ordained priests; even one priest to every fifty of their number did he ordain to preach unto them, and to teach them concerning the things pertaining to the kingdom of God.

When I read this section this time I could almost hear the record scratch sound as I hit the word “authority.” This is the same Alma that, mere days before, was happily(?) numbered among Noah’s Wicked Priests, the same guys Abinadi came to condemn and call to repentance. Where the heck did he get the authority to perform saving ordinances, ordain others to priesthood office, and organize people into church structures?

I’m not the first person to ask this question. The writers of the Book of Mormon report these actions without editorial commentary, leaving us to assume that his authority was valid. There’s no mention of a visiting general authority ordaining Alma. There’s no angelic messengers to lay hands upon him. There’s practically no chance that he snuck into the prison to have Abinadi ordain him, so what gives?

The only answer we’re left with is that Alma’s authority is derived from his time as one of King Noah’s Priests. Wicked though he may have been, the authority he held was real. Of course there are all sorts of potential mitigating factors that the story does not explicitly rule out: Perhaps he wasn’t ever *as* wicked as the rest of them—that’s why he repented. Perhaps it was a rapid fall from grace, so fast that the person who ordained Alma was still being righteous enough for it to stick. Whether those things are true or not, the startling takeaway from this is that priesthood authority is remarkably resilient; resilient enough to survive being a wicked priest.

The next question then is “Why not Abinadi?” Or rather “Why did Abinadi have to die?”

Consider this: Abinadi was a prophet sent from God to call the people to repentance (Mosiah 11:20, 12:1). He was brought before the king, where he prophesied (17:15), miraculously preserved himself until he could deliver his message (13:3-5), interpreted scripture, and called the wicked to repentance. Then he was martyred. He’s the real deal, a capital-P Prophet. Alma was touched by his message, recorded Abinadi’s words and taught them to the people—many of whom received it and were baptized. If the people received the message from Alma, why wouldn’t they receive that same message directly from Abinadi? It sure looks like Abinadi died just so Alma could repent. [1]

I think the answer comes from King Noah in Mosiah 11:27: “ Who is Abinadi, that I and my people should be judged of him[?]” Abinadi was nobody to the people running the kingdom. He may have been a capital-P Prophet, but he never claimed any priesthood authority. He was not a priest.

A pattern I see in the scriptures is God sending a Prophet to the people. The Prophet is a wild man, possessed by the spirit of God. The Prophet shakes things up and makes people uncomfortable. He often points to the people in power and condemns them. Some believe the Prophet and repent and are blessed for it. The Prophet often dies, or is killed in the process of crying repentance and the believers are left to muddle through with their own quiet inspiration, and interpretations of the words the Prophets have left behind.

It seems like, outside those brief moments of conflict and course correction, the standard state of affairs for humans and God’s church on earth is just good people doing their best to do the right thing. Capital-P Prophets are an exception rather than the rule.

Surely some people will condemn me and see my thoughts on this subject as calling the current leaders of the church false prophets. I want to assure you that I am not. In my eyes they are undeniably the people with the authority to govern the church. That authority is no small thing, and I do not regard it lightly. Abinadi *died* for the sake of getting someone with authority to do what Alma did.

In many ways I see my understanding of them as a relief. They are no longer under the burden of every word from their mouths being the Word of God. They can disagree with previous leaders. They can disagree with each other. They can be deeply good people, earnestly seeking the will of God. I can disagree with them even while still firmly believing in their authority to preside over the church.

I also firmly believe that if another capital-P Prophet comes around that person will either be someone with authority, or there will be an “Alma” to validate the teachings of said Prophet.

[1] This wouldn’t be terribly out of line from other calculations made in the BoM—sacrificing an earthly life for the sake of leading people to Christ is kind of a ~thing~ throughout the Book of Mormon.

 

Guest Post: Mandalas and the Light of Christ

[image error]The above picture is based on a crochet pattern called Sophie’s Universe. The mandala universe, like a kaleidoscope, continues to unfold in beautiful dynamic fashion. The eye is drawn from the center to the encompassing spheres and back to the center. The pattern evokes, for me, a consciousness of the cosmic universe, which I will try to explain.

For some time now I have been contemplating the Light of Christ , what it is, how it works, and its communications with the Holy Ghost. Several years ago I gave a talk in Sacrament Meeting and compared the Light of Christ to a magnet within each of us. The Holy Ghost was a matching magnet external to us. The Light of Christ and the Holy Ghost communicate with each other through spiritual magnetism/energy. When we accumulate too many layers of ego or distractions or sin, the magnetic signal becomes weak and we do not feel the influence of the Holy Ghost. When our Light of Christ is in sync with the Holy Ghost we can feel the heat from the magnets’ interaction. It was an interesting visual to aid my thinking.

However, since seeing my sister’s crochet mandala, I imagine the Light of Christ (or substitute power, priesthood, energy, life force, God’s Love) as a tranquil body of water. A thin, weightless, beautiful veil lays on the surface, with small openings through which the water can rise and form bubbles symbolizing human beings and all organized things including animal and plant life. The bubbles contain the same fluid as below the veil, communicating with the large body of water; rising and receding into the whole from which it came. In this visual, the Light of Christ is permeating all things, and is essential for life.

Consider D&C 88: 6 – 13
6 He that ascended up on high, as also he descended below all things, in that he comprehended all things, that he might be in all and through all things, the light of truth;
7 Which truth shineth. This the light of Christ. As also he is in the sun, and the light of the sun, and the power thereof by which it was made.
8 As also he is in the moon…
9 As also the light of the stars…
10 And the earth also, and the power thereof….
11 And the light which shineth, which giveth you light, is through him who enlighteneth your eyes, which is the same light that quickeneth your understanding;
12 Which light proceedeth forth from the presence of God to fill the immensity of space–
13 The light which is in all things, which giveth life to all things, which is the law by which all things are governed, even the power of God who sitteth upon his throne, who is in the bosom of eternity, who is in the midst of all things.”

We say God is omnipresent, omniscient and omnipotent.
It makes sense to me that if God, through the Light of Christ, is present in the immensity of space, in every life form, in every cosmic realm, then this is the mechanism or channel wherein God is aware of all things at the same time. God can be everywhere because the Light of Christ is emanating from God and reaches all places where there is light and life and order. The Light of Christ is what takes chaos (unorganized matter) and organizes it. Women are also associated with chaos because women are able, through their physical bodies and the Light of Christ within them, to take unorganized matter and bring forth organized life. I find this beautiful.

I also find it amazing contemplating being intimately connected to God and all other things through the Light of Christ. It is the essence of God dwelling within me; giving me life, light and order.

Maureen enjoys time with her family, especially her grandchildren. She enjoys knitting, swimming, walking, talking and contemplating.

Guest Post — Prayer of Recollection: The Taking Back

[image error]By Maureen Edgerly

I’m a fan of the “Longmire” series, on Netflix. It’s about a Wyoming sheriff whose jurisdiction includes a Cheyenne Reservation. Season 4 presents a multi-episode story of a young Cheyenne woman, Gabby, and the aftermath of the rape she experienced. Episode 6, titled “The Calling Back,” depicts the women of her community holding a Sweat Ceremony.

Gabby’s Cheyenne name is Morning Star. I quote briefly from this episode, the words of the leader of the Sweat, as they are gathered in a closed tent, women gathered in a circle around a fire:

“Morning Star, part of you was taken away.
Someone took what did not belong to them.
That part of you is now wandering and lost.
This is why you feel like you do not belong.
I’m now going to call that part of you back.
Come back Morning Star, Come back Morning Star,
Come back Morning Star. Morning Star, call yourself back.”

The scene is powerful and beautifully filmed.

On a similar theme, I have been reading St. Teresa of Avilla and Caroline Myss. Myss is a fan of Teresa of Avilla and wrote, Entering the Castle as a guide book to understanding Teresa’s The Interior Castle.

Myss describes 3 types of prayer: Repetitive Prayer, The Prayer of Recollection and the Prayer of Contemplation. When I first read her description of the Prayer of Recollection I immediately thought of Gabby and the Longmire Sweat Ceremony.

To paraphrase Myss, she says this type of prayer is the first step after progressing from Repetitive Prayer. This is where you, like Gabby/Morning Star, re-collect yourself. You gather parts of yourself that have been lost, forgotten, given away or taken. In this prayer you examine/confess your weakness and struggles. This is the prayer where you come to know yourself in Christ by getting your ego out of the way. You must be open to self-reflection, exploration and to the Lord’s conversation with you. You find the Lord reviving the kindness and goodness within you.

At first pass this may sound abstract. With time and practice it is achievable.

What parts of you have been lost, forgotten, given away or taken?
Consider your creativity, your sense of humor, your free spiritedness, your trusting self, your willingness to be vulnerable, your ability to love deeply, your delight in music or dance.

What about your home?

Approximately 10 years ago we had some family members living in our home for a prolonged period of time. They had previously been independent but fallen on hard times and we took them in. Eventually I found myself sliding into resentment and frustration. A wise friend said, “It’s time. Tell them it’s time.” She was right. I went home and had a calm conversation with these two people who agreed with me. Within a month they were in their own apartment. I felt I had re-collected the sanctity of my home and my own mental health.

What about your body? I breastfed two children. The first for 15 months and the second for 3 months. My husband lost his job shortly after our second child was born. My plan to work part-time was dashed as he became the stay-at-home parent for the next 2 years and I worked full time, commuting to work. I found it impossible to pump enough milk to satisfy my daughter who was a bigger baby than our first child. I loved breastfeeding our children but I just couldn’t do it anymore. I reclaimed my okay-ness as a mother, regardless of whether I breast- or bottle-fed.

Several years ago I had to switch jobs because my supervisor left our organization. The job I had was eliminated because the supervisor’s niche was not being replaced. I had enjoyed a certain status working with a high level, well-respected person. At the time, it was a deeply traumatic to lose this position where I was on top of my game professionally. I learned many things from the experience: nothing is permanent, change is part of life, there are many other options available, my self-worth is not defined by my job.

It took a long time to get over this loss, but in the end it has been a blessing as I have a better understanding of myself and others. My ego self in my old job was just that. I have finally reclaimed myself professionally but with less external attachment.

What part of you has been lost, forgotten, given away or taken?

Can a Prayer of Recollection help you remember these parts of yourself?
Can you sit in prayer, re-collect yourself, and let the Lord illuminate the way back to him and yourself?

Maureen enjoys time with her family, especially her grandchildren. She enjoys knitting, swimming, walking, talking and contemplating. Artwork by Maureen’s sister representing a woman reincorporating parts of herself while moving into the light.

 

 

Guest Post: Mine to Tell

[image error]By Ashley Mae Hoiland and Kathy West

Writing for me has always been a quiet meadow built of both my own words and thoughts and ideas I did not know rested within me.  I have learned confidence, the beauty of navigating tension, respite from confusing or sad storms and so much joy and fulfillment inside that meadow. Writing has given me a voice when I felt I did not have a platform to speak, it has given me a way to talk with and think about my ancestors, it has given significance to my own insignificant story.  In fact, the Exponent II journal has been instrumental in creating a space for me to share some of both my written and visual arts pieces over the past decade.

I realized that while I loved writing on my own, I almost equally loved teaching and guiding people through their own writing journey. I had been thinking about, writing and working on a curriculum for about six months, but had abandoned courage to actually follow through with it when my dear friend and former Exponent permablogger, Kathy, who I know from our MFA program, called out of the blue and asked what I thought about teaching some writing classes together.  In a couple of short months and after a lot of enthusiastic phone call meetings, we had some classes put together.

The first session of Mine To Tell ran through the fall and the work we all did together felt transformative to me. On the last day of class many of us cried both our of celebration of what we’d done, and out of sadness to have to leave the sacred space we’d created in working individually with our stories and words.  

Kathy and I are both honored and excited to begin this next session of the 13-week course. We both have true testimonies of the power of writing for ourselves, particularly in times when the unexpected confronts you. This course is much more than a set of lessons, rules or guidelines, we hope it will be a transformative experience across your life experience and that you can implement for years to come. I do believe in the act of writing. I believe in woman telling their stories, both for themselves and for others through writing. I believe it is how change comes about, I believe it is part of our standing up and taking our place.

Find more about the class at https://minetotell.com/

Ashmae Hoiland wrote the first book by a woman at the Maxwell Institute, 100 Birds Taught Me To Fly. She has been a keynote speaker at half a dozen conferences, taught writing in University and other settings, and writes and illustrates children’s book. She created the We Brave Women project, a set of 60 cards featuring portraits and stories of brave women from around the world. She lives in Santa Cruz with her geologist husband and three small children.

Kathy West is a writer who loves to see a creative impulse put to use. She received her MFA in fiction and a handful of her short stories have been published in Apalachee Review, Kenyon Review Online, and elsewhere. As an introvert who likes talking into microphones, she has read her creative non-fiction on stage for Lit Lounge at SMoCA in Scottsdale AZ, Chow Bella and Bar Flies in Phoenix AZ, and Dirty Laundry Lit in Los Angeles.

#hearLDSwomen: My Bishop Shut Down My Book Club

[image error]Our ward’s Relief Society had a book club, and all book choices had to be approved by the bishop.

– Sherry Work

 

Our book group got shut down. The bishopric saw no way to control the content and who might or might not be offended by it, so they refused to let us figure it out like grownups. Cinema club (which was mostly period pieces and Masterpiece theater) got shut down, too.

– Sarah Jane Bates Gray

 

As Young Women’s president, I had to FIGHT for a key to the library. So unnecessary.

– Chrysteil Lynn Hunter

 

I was told we shouldn’t waste paper and copies on coloring pages for nursery. This from a man who had never served in nursery.

– Lacey Jones, Wyoming

 

My bishop refused to buy the new book At the Pulpit: 185 Years of Discourses by Latter-day Saint Women for our ward library because the last book I requested was The First Fifty Years of Relief Society. He told me I “had an agenda” and refused to support it.

– Lori LeVar Pierce

 

Pro Tip: Don’t micromanage women. Allow them to govern themselves, and give them the resources they need to fulfill their callings.

Click here to read all of the stories in our #hearLDSwomen series. Has anything like this happened to you? Please share in the comments or submit your experience(s) to participate in the series.

“If any man have ears to hear, let him hear.” (Mark 4:23)

Learning about Heavenly Mother and trusting my body, feelings, and intuition.

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December 2018

A friend told me about Rachel Hunt Steenblik’s lovely book of poems Mother’s Milk: Poems in Search of Heavenly Mother at the beginning of this year. I had spent much time considering my feminism and progressivism, but was still learning about what these things meant within the context of my faith.

Reading Mother’s Milk was like finding water in the desert. It provided so much comfort and information about what Heavenly Mother is like. It was so powerful. Since reading those poems for the first time, I’ve considered how I think of her in my own experience, and the ways we as her children tap into and embody her traits and who she is.

These are some of the traits, behaviors, and functions I think Heavenly Mother embodies:

First and foremost, Heavenly Mother is intuitive. She acts directly from knowledge about herself and about us as her children. She knows what is needed, and does it with confidence and self-assurance.

Heavenly Mother identifies with and honors pain and fear. She responds with safety, protection, softness, and directiveness. She doesn’t sit on her hands or ignore pain; she engages with it directly, knowing the source of our pain is often not ourselves, but the actions of others and a willful society that continues to place the needs, safety, and care of certain groups above others.

She is both powerful, forceful, strong, and fierce, and soft, gentle, and kind – all at the same time.

In my own experience, a lot of the time I think of Heavenly Mother as being far away from me. I want her by me, and I want to know she’s there, but sometimes I feel so far from that comfort, safety, and protection. However, the more I work on myself, the more I realize that Heavenly Mother is also in me. I have her divinity, intuition, power, and creativity, and I carry it with me all of the time. In these ways, she is always with me, in every place and every situation I go. This is so powerful and comforting.

As women, I think we are often taught not to listen to our own bodies, feelings, and intuition. From the time we are young, women and girls especially are taught to defer to others (e.g., parents, spouses, church leaders), often at the expense of what we feel in our bodies and our own self-knowledge. This guidance from others can be so helpful and comforting at times. However, not everyone has equal desire for or access to those helping resources. For example, in my situation, a lot of the time, I don’t have access to that help and support, and as a result, I have to rely primarily on myself and the information I have to manage my situation. I am still learning to become more gentle and acquainted with the most intuitive and vulnerable and parts of myself. This is profoundly difficult but powerful work.

I have complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD) and work very hard to understand myself and learn how to manage my symptoms and pain. I had a particularly difficult session with my therapist recently. We discussed a part of myself that is young and that holds a lot of my trauma. We used a visualization to think about how the part of myself that was in pain would be attended to by the adult version of me (what we refer to as the compassionate presence) and the other parts of myself. Immediately, I was able to identify how I would relate to that part of myself and comfort her, and how she would respond to me and the other parts of myself comforting her. I was speaking directly from a place of self-knowledge, intuition, assertiveness, and directiveness. I knew what the parts of myself needed, and I was able to immediately identify what to do. I didn’t realize until after the fact how powerful that was.

This process is not perfect. There are times I am so overwhelmed, overstimulated, tired, upset, and anxious, I have no idea what to do or how to respond to myself or others. That’s okay, and so, so human. When it happens, sometimes I’m able to pause, ground myself in my body, and then I’m better able to understand what’s going on. Other times, I just have to do the best I can to use the information and resources I have and make the best decisions possible with what is available to me. I have to remind myself I simultaneously embody my humanity and humanness and also what is beyond me. All of that is divine and powerful.

This process of learning about Heavenly Mother and trusting my body, feelings, and intuition is ongoing. When I feel alone, it is so comforting to think of her nearby, even though I do not always feel her. It is also profoundly comforting to know that I have her in me. I know what is right for me. I know what to do with my pain and my anger. I know how to take care of myself. I know who and what provides me safety, comfort, softness, support, and care.

These are two things I know:

We have a Heavenly Mother who embodies power, intuition, safety, comfort, care, and divinity.

Heavenly Mother is in us.

LMA is PhD-holding boss lady that teaches child development to university students. She cares deeply about issues that affect women inside and outside of our Church.

#hearLDSwomen: Getting My Sealing Cancelled Was Difficult and Invasive

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Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash

It took me four years to get my sealing canceled from my abusive ex-husband. I knew it was possible because a friend had gotten it done. I also knew it was a recent change in the handbook. I went through four bishops and two stake presidents during that time who all drug the process out longer to keep me from going through with it. Despite me clearly having expressed that I had prayed about it and had peace in moving forward with the cancellation was right for me, they dug their heels in and refused to let me move forward. This happened in multiple wards.

– Anonymous

 

When working through my sealing cancellation process, I had to write a letter describing a myriad of things, one of which was any major sins I had committed since getting married and how it was handled. I had two post divorce dating instances when things went further than I was comfortable with but not even close to all the way. I mentioned them and going to the bishop to resolve them and being back in good standing in every way. My stake president demanded that I recount those events in full detail. He made me describe exactly how our bodies were positioned and how they moved and if I liked it, etc. I was so uncomfortable. My bishop had said I was wiped clean and never had to talk about it or think about it again, yet my stake president was forcing me to go over it again and treating me as if it was my first time confessing the sin. The way his facial expressions and body language appeared to me gave me the distinct impression that he liked hearing me talk about it and was getting some satisfaction from it. That experience scarred me. I refuse to ever be alone with him again for any reason.

– I had been pronounced clean.

 

Pro Tip: Respect the agency of people who decide to cancel a sealing from a former spouse. Do not ask for voyeuristic details of sexual transgressions or force someone to reconfess something already repented of.

Click here to read all of the stories in our #hearLDSwomen series. Has anything like this happened to you? Please share in the comments or submit your experience(s) to participate in the series.

“If any man have ears to hear, let him hear.” (Mark 4:23)

Christmas message: Christ and feminism

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Photo by Dan Kiefer on Unsplash

Since today is Christmas, I wanted to share with you one of my favorite scriptures about Christ.

Alma 7:11-12 says:

11 And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.

12 And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities. (italics added)

Notice that Christ suffered “pains and afflictions…of every kind.” This includes all the struggles that humans face, including the struggles that LDS feminists face in regards to gender inequality. Christ has a perfect knowledge of this struggle because he took upon himself this pain when he experienced the Atonement.

Since Christ has a full understanding, he also has compassion. And not only does he have compassion, but he knows how to help each individual with their own personal trials.

For me, one of my biggest trials is the gender inequality I face on a regular basis. Let’s face it: Being an LDS feminist is hard.

It’s hard when other church members don’t see gender inequality or when they say it doesn’t matter.

It’s hard when we have to constantly reinterpret certain scriptures and messages in order to apply them to us.

It’s hard when the majority of church members restrict women to certain roles or inadvertently send messages that men are more valued.

It’s so hard when most of what we hear at church are men’s experiences, as if that’s the sum of human experience.

Since Christ experienced the Atonement for all, he knows very well that men’s experiences are not the sum of all human experience. He knows that human experience includes women.

Christ is the only man on this Earth who understands perfectly what it’s like to experience the struggles and pain that LDS feminists constantly deal with.

This Christmas, remember that no matter what trial you have experienced, Christ is the only one who saw it through your eyes and felt your pain, and completely understands you. This perfect understanding is one of the things Christmas is about.

“ye who now will bless the poor…”

Dear friends,

Merry Christmas! The message of the Wenceslas carol is dear: “ye who now will bless the poor shall yourselves find blessing.”

As I consider what blessings we receive and what blessings we can give, I remember the words of Jesus: “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of Heaven.” The teachings of Jesus remind us how to care for those around us, the poor in circumstance and the poor in spirit alike.

May you find blessings of peace and joy this season, and may you share those blessings with others.

Love,

Violadiva & family