Exponent II's Blog, page 232

A Feminist Christmas Nativity Story with Kimberly Peeler-Ringer

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Kimberly Peeler-Ringer

In this special holiday episode of the Religious Feminism interview series, Kimberly Peeler-Ringer, a licensed minister within the United Church of Christ denomination and author of the Churched Feminist, talks to us about a feminist and womanist interpretation of the Nativity story. We discuss how we can find God’s view of women within the backdrop of the patriarchal society where the scripture story is set and its implications for bodily autonomy and consent. You can find episode notes for the Religious Feminism Podcast here at the Exponent website: http://www.the-exponent.com/tag/religious-feminism-podcast/

Links to Connect and Learn More:

The Churched Feminist

Twitter: @churchedfem

Misogynoir isn’t a Christian Value | Baptizing Feminism

#eulogizingaretha: A Reflection Upon a Musical Selection: “Mary, Don’t You Weep” | The Feminist Wire

Additional Resources Discussed in the Podcast:

The Gospel of Luke (New Revised Standard edition)

The Gospel of Luke (King James version)

Listen and subscribe for free below:

Guest Post: Mature Trees and Ripe Fruit

[image error]By Maureen Edgerly

Dave Chappelle is a comedian who pushes the envelope on social issues. He takes his audience to that uncomfortable place where wrestling is necessary. He recently lamented the saga of his childhood hero Bill Cosby who has fallen from grace to villain. Chappelle recounted the many philanthropic good deeds performed by Cosby over the decades AND the many accusations and recent conviction of rape. You can hear the dissonance and disappointment in Chappelle that his former hero was now guilty of heinous crimes. How do these disparate identities inhabit one person?

Celebrities aside, I suspect we’ve all have heroes in our lives. Some of these people were placed on pedestals of our own creation and weren’t even aware of their exalted prominence in our psyche. Initially we saw them one-dimensionally as a hero—someone to look up too. As we mature we can see more dimensions in each person. Some of what we see is unpleasant.

Pondering dichotomies led me to scriptures referencing good and bad fruit. The following is a discussion about a few scriptures, a contextual explanation and then application.

The Allegory of the Olive Tree in Jacob 5 is about an olive vineyard with tame and wild trees producing variations of good and bad fruit. Throughout the allegory, the servants in the vineyard graft branches into and out of trees in an attempt to have the main tame tree bring forth good fruit. The tame trees represent the House of Israel and the wild trees everyone else. The decay represents apostasy which has afflicted the tame trees. Grafting in branches from the wild trees brings new vitality to the tame decaying trees. There’s a whole lot of grafting going on in this allegory and it covers the time period from the beginning of the House of Israel through the Millennial Reign.

Following on the fruit-tree theme, consider Matthew 7:15-20 (New American Bible):

“Be on your guard against false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing but underneath are wolves on the prowl. You will know them by their deeds. Do you ever pick grapes from thorn bushes, or figs from prickly plants? Never! Any sound tree bears good fruit, while a decayed tree bears bad fruit. A sound tree cannot bear bad fruit any more than a decayed tree can bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. You can tell a tree by its fruit.”

Jesus most likely spoke Aramaic during his mortal life. David Brisbin’s book The Fifth Way: A Western Journey to the Hebrew Heart of Jesus unpacks many of the Aramaic and Hebrew words/phrases used by Jesus to add cultural context and understanding. Brisbin explains the Aramaic word taba, which is usually translated as “good,” literally means “ripe.” Ripe fruit or vegetables were capable of sustaining life, which was “good.” Goodness and ripeness were synonymous with “life-sustaining.”

Let’s extend this thought to people in general, then to our scriptural examples, and then back to ourselves.

When we think of being a good person, we think of someone who does good things, right things according to our standards. But a good person in the Aramaic Agreement (cultural context) is not someone who simply does right things, but someone who is ripe, ready, and capable of seeing the goodness of true relationship, the goodness of really being as one with someone else, in unity with God and each other. As a result, a good person is someone who will do everything and anything in his or her power to foster and protect that unity and those relationships. . . .

Being good is not about behavior, about following codes or rules; it’s not even about having a standard by which to judge at all. Being good is having matured into a person who is in love with unity, who loves being one with someone else and lives accordingly. . . . A good person is someone who is in the right place at the right time and can’t help doing that which is in harmony with Kingdom and shalom.

Being bad then, being evil is also not about doing bad things, but about being incapable, unready to see the possibility of unity anywhere, of being too unformed, or too damaged to see the goodness, the necessity of true relationship in life. “Forgive them, Father, they don’t know what they are doing,” rings out from [Jesus] with additional force, because the actions of such a person are random with respect to relationship building—harmful, hurtful, even catastrophic, because they aren’t ready, ripe enough, to see what is really good.

This is not to present an excuse for harmful behavior, it’s just a statement of the facts of life, a look at the genesis of the behavior we act out and an insight into how God sees us and continues to love us in spite of unlovely behavior (Brisbin, pg. 271).

If we substitute “ripe” and “mature” for “good” as we think about the trees and fruit, it makes sense that only a mature tree is capable of bearing ripe fruit. Consider the scripture Mark 11:13 where Jesus curses the fig tree who had put forth her leaves signifying ripe fruit, but was actually barren. At first take this is a strange scripture and Jesus appears to randomly strike down an innocent tree. On a deeper level, this fig tree represents false prophets/teachers who appear to have ripe fruit, but in reality do not have sustainable produce. The fig tree was pretending to be mature and ripe but it was not.

What about Jacob 5? Could the tame trees also represent the correlated, white-washed version of our history that are no longer sustaining members? Could the wild trees represent the messy, strange, unique history that is often not taught or discussed? Could the wild trees also represent truth beyond our doctrine, yet truth just the same? Is it possible to sustain the tame tree with a large graft full of transparency and energy from these wild sources? President Nelson says the restoration is ongoing. I am looking forward to more.

The church is bringing forth some new fruit as evidenced by the release of the Gospel Topics Essays, the publication of the book Saints, the Joseph Smith Papers Project, and the changes in the correlated materials.

I like Brisbin’s explanation of maturity and ripeness. There is charity in this approach. When I consider some of my thoughts and actions I KNOW they are/were good, mature and ripe. I also know I have thoughts and actions that are immature and unripe. I know it before I even do or say something, yet I do it anyway.

The dichotomy exists within me, but thankfully I am not done maturing. I can see myself and my actions for what they are, knowing there is room for improvement. I can maturely (ripely) respond rather than immaturely, reflexively react. Charity begins at home. Understanding the context of Jesus’ teachings has brought peace to my soul. I do not have to beat myself up over the past. Each day is a new occasion to grow.

Brisbin says some people are unformed or too damaged to see goodness possibilities. I agree but also suggest there are often opportunities to continue maturation no matter one’s age or life circumstances. We have relationships with many people who are all at different places on the maturity scale. Those more “mature” nurture us, just as we nurture others.

In Mark chapter 12, Jesus teaches us to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. We can experience charity towards ourselves when we see ourselves as Maturing Beings, capable of both immature reactions and mature responses. In so doing, we can see the same in our neighbor and have compassion.

Carol Lynn Pearson, in her recent book The Ghost of Eternal Polygamy, explains that she still loves Joseph Smith despite the fact that he broke her heart. She is able to see the human Joseph with all his wonderful gifts, yet still not condone some of his actions. She can love the man as a complete person, not just the church hero we often make him out to be.

What do you think? Do you agree with Brisbin’s thoughts on good, bad, maturity, and ripeness? Can you see yourself and your fellow human beings in all their complexity and understand them more fully without condoning their unripe, bad, or evil actions? Do you feel more charity for yourself?

Maureen lives in Maryland where she bakes pies. Art work generously provided by Maureen’s sister, Anne Trombetta.

 

Statement for Public Release Concerning Embezzlement from Exponent II

Dear Exponent II Community,

In September 2017, the board and emeritus board of Exponent II made public the news that the former treasurer, Suzette Smith, had misappropriated the organization’s funds for personal use. (That announcement can be found here)

As we (the board) investigated the situation further, it became apparent that the scope of this misappropriation–in terms of timeline, deceitfulness, and dollar amount–was much larger than expected. We learned that Suzette began taking Exponent II funds shortly after becoming treasurer in 2012 and continued over her entire tenure of five years. This was not an isolated incident or one-time lapse in judgment; she actively chose to steal from Exponent II in over 600 different transactions. She deliberately took measures to hide her activities, such as opening multiple bank accounts, limiting access to those accounts, and falsifying financial statements to make board members think that Exponent II was barely solvent. In addition to taking money from Exponent II’s accounts, she used the organization’s reputation to solicit donations via crowd-sourcing websites, unbeknownst to the board, and retained the funds raised for personal use. We will never know the exact amount misappropriated (we are still awaiting further subpoenaed bank statements and funds taken in cash can never be verified) but the net minimum exceeds $100,000. By the time Suzette relinquished financial control, she had drained and overdrawn the organization’s bank account, including years of hard-earned savings.

Since September 2017, Suzette has inconsistently cooperated with our attempts to understand the extent of her crime. She initially confessed to stealing about $25,000 when confronted by the incoming treasurer, who was alerted by an overdraft notice from the bank. As the new treasurer uncovered additional information about the scope of the theft, Suzette was frequently not forthcoming with information and account access. Often, we had to discover evidence of each type of deception before she confessed to it. Although she expressed a desire to make restitution and repaid a small amount, we continue to learn about additional ways that she deceived Exponent II and funds that were taken.  

After weighing possible courses of action, we made the difficult decision in early 2018 to report the incident to the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI), the correct law enforcement agency for crimes that cross state lines. We did not make this decision lightly. Part of our rationale was the concern that Suzette would do this again to another organization. The recidivism rate for white-collar crime is incredibly high, and given her behavior, we had little confidence that this pattern wouldn’t continue. Also, as an organization that shares the voices of women, we felt that it was important to call out abuses of power and hold leaders accountable for their actions.

The FBI has now completed the investigation and presented the evidence to Suzette. She pled guilty to the crime of felony wire fraud on November 16, 2018. She will appear before a judge to receive a sentence in February 2019.

Over the past year, the board has discussed extensively which details we should share publicly. We have tried to balance the desire to be transparent with the Exponent II community with the need for privacy as the investigation was underway. However, because the court documents are now part of the public record, we can now be fully transparent. (All documents filed by the prosecutor in the USA vs. Suzette Smith case are publicly available at pacer.gov. The most concise summary from these documents is the “Statement of Facts” which is attached at the bottom of this post.) Also, several individuals are being asked by Suzette to provide character witness statements, and we want those individuals to have all the information before deciding whether to do so.

As we look to the future of Exponent II, we have put in place several measures to safeguard the organization and prevent this from happening again, even after the leadership of the organization changes. (A link to a list of these safeguards is at the bottom of this post.) We are committed to strengthening Exponent II and being vigilant stewards of its resources, and will continue to assess whether additional safeguards are needed.

It has been extremely difficult for us to reconcile this prolonged deception with the relationships we each thought we had with Suzette. We recognize that others likely feel the same way, and we hope that healing can be found within our community. We are so thankful for your generosity and trust. We are humbled to see that Exponent II is still active and thriving despite this setback, and we will do all that we can to continue to carry out the organization’s mission.

 

Sincerely,

The Exponent II Board 

Barbara Christiansen, President

Heather Sundahl, Vice-President

Susan Christiansen, Treasurer

Kirsten Campbell, Secretary

Pandora Brewer, Managing Editor

Margaret Olsen Hemming, Editor-in-Chief

Carrie Salisbury, Blog Representative

Libby Boss, Blog Representative

Emily Gray, Retreat Coordinator

Exponent II Financial Safeguards 2018   

Statement of Facts 18919252080

 

#hearLDSwomen: Priesthood Leaders Sided with My Abusive Ex During My Divorce

[image error]When I was divorcing an abusive spouse, my church leaders sulked and comforted him, but I was left out in the cold. They didn’t know what to do with me. It was incredibly lonely. My bishop did connect me with a women’s group at the time, I will give him that, but ecclesiastical support was very minimal. It’s why I’m nervous to go through with a sealing cancellation after all these years.

– Anonymous

 

After getting divorced, I was denied multiple times for my request to cancel my temple sealing. MY sealing. But multiple men decided I couldn’t do that. Then, when I was seeking to get remarried in the temple, I was granted a temple divorce and had to write a letter explaining why I got divorced. I kept the letter short, direct, and to the point. Literally, I could have written a novel detailing all of the abuse. After submitting the letter, I got a call from my ex’s stake president thanking me for my words, and then asking me to take it all back. Because I needed to put myself in my ex’s shoes and think about how badly he must feel. He said it was time to stop being selfish and only thinking of myself. My letter could have repercussions on his callings, and I wouldn’t want that, right?!

My abusive ex was protected and I was left feeling completely disregarded. (I did not take back my letter.)

– Anonymous

 

At the end of my marriage, I had gone to my bishop. My husband was laid off from his job and would not give us any of his funds to help with the bills. I was struggling to pay them and knew my husband was very motivated by priesthood authority. I went and humiliated myself and asked for help, and the bishop said that this was a “family thing” and that he was not comfortable getting involved with a priesthood leader in his home. I went home and felt so low, and then a few weeks later without a word to me, they offered my husband the opportunity to be a high priest. I was shocked. My husband came to me and said, “if God had a problem with me keeping my money, do you think He would make me a high priest? The bishop told me he thought it would boost my husband’s confidence.

I felt invisible and that I was not important or valued, but he was.

– Sherry Andersen

 

Pro Tip: Believe women when they say they’ve been abused. Give support and resources when a woman is leaving an abusive spouse.

Click here to read all of the stories in our #hearLDSwomen series. Has anything like this happened to you? Please share in the comments or submit your experience(s) to participate in the series.

“If any man have ears to hear, let him hear.” (Mark 4:23)

 

Photo by Ali Morshedlou on Unsplash

Heavenly Mother wants us to feel safety, comfort, and pleasure in our bodies.

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By LMA

November 2018

I want to write about the most delicate and powerful thing about who I am. Even with all of the work I have done in therapy to talk about these things, this still feels vulnerable to share openly, but I feel like it’s too important not to.

I  think Mormon women (and all women) should feel comfortable, safe, and cozy being sexual in whatever way feels good to them. That means being sexual on our own (i.e., masturbating) and with others (i.e., partnered sex with 1 person, or more than 1 person) and for some, not being sexual at all. This shouldn’t be a revolutionary idea, but more and more, I feel like it is provocative to say these things.

This month, a new episode of This American Life included a segment called “The Old Man On My Shoulder.” Elna Baker talked about her own and others’ experiences with Bishops’ worthiness interviews.

When I read through some of the comments posted online about the podcast by women in the Exponent’s Facebook group, I was struck by how much shame and pain and trauma so many women have experienced in their bodies and sexual experiences. It is devastating and tragic and not okay. I understand the leaders and parents of our childhoods taught and conveyed what was taught and conveyed to them. Nonetheless, the things that many of us were taught about our bodies and our sexual experiences were unhelpful at best and profoundly traumatic and damaging at worst.

I think so much of what we are taught about our bodies and sex becomes second-nature to us without really realizing it. As little kids, or sometimes even teenagers or adults, when we hear certain things from our parents, other family members, or friends, we don’t know something is unhelpful or inaccurate because that is what has always been said and we know no other way for it to be.

By the time I was 29, I had no idea that I had sexual feelings and very little vocabulary to even say it out loud, let alone to talk about how ashamed and embarrassed I felt about it. I had no idea about my own sexual anatomy, despite the fact that I am a highly educated woman and hold 2 graduate degrees, 1 of which is terminal. I had almost no information about my body or about sex because I was told it “wasn’t appropriate for me.” I went to the gynecologist for the first time before my 30th birthday determined to make sure my reproductive health was in order and everything was okay. Even though I saw a provider in an area where Mormon folk are a tiny minority, I still felt like I wasn’t allowed to be there and had to justify why I wanted to see a gynecologist because I wasn’t married.

What makes me so upset and angry about this is that even though the details may vary from woman to woman, these feelings of shame, guilt, unworthiness, embarrassment, and trauma related to our bodies and sexual identities and experiences seem so common for women inside (and outside of) our faith. My flavor of shame and embarrassment about my body and sex might be different from someone else’s, but the feelings are quite similar in function and outcome.

These feelings hurt our emotional health and our sense of safety in our own bodies. They make it more difficult and confusing to make decisions about our bodies and intimate contact with ourselves or others. They lead us to feel that we are bad for having normal, good, and healthy sexual desires. These feelings make us feel like we have to keep our sexual experiences a secret, even when we’re grown women, and first and foremost answer to no one else but ourselves.

These are some of the things I wish I had been taught about my body and my sexual self:

1. I have absolute dominion over my body and my experience. I say what is right and safe and comfortable. I know what’s best. I know what’s needed and wanted.

2. I am the first and most important authority on my sexual identity, preferences, safety, and desires, period.

3. I have absolute dominion and choice in terms of who I allow close to me and who I engage (or don’t engage with) with in intimate contact in any form.

4. It is lovely and good and normal to want, seek out, or have intimate contact with yourself or others if that is what’s wanted. If you want to masturbate, it’s totally good and lovely and safe to masturbate. If it helps to hear it, you don’t have to confess to your Bishop or anyone else. If you want to have partnered sex, and everyone is consenting and cozy and safe, it’s totally good and lovely and safe to have partnered sex. I also don’t think you have to confess that to anyone if you don’t want to. You know what’s best. And if you don’t want to be sexual at all, that’s good and lovely and safe, too.

5. I think Heavenly Mother is really happy and cares so much about when we feel safe and comfortable and are feeling pleasure in our bodies, and when we make decisions that are right for our emotional health, safety, and desires. She doesn’t want us to disassociate from our bodies. She wants us to feel safe and cozy and present in them.

6. I do not need anyone to judge my goodness or standing with Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother. I decide if I’m worthy and good and okay, and being worthy and good and okay is not affected by my sexual identity, preferences, safety, and desires.

I wish someone had told me these things before I turned 29 years old. If you need to hear these things, please consider them lovingly and powerfully said over and over and over again.

LMA is PhD-holding boss lady that teaches child development to university students. She cares deeply about issues that affect women inside and outside of our Church.

 

 

Book Review: Because of the Messiah in a Manger

Guest Post by Kaki Olsen

 

Book review of Because of the Messiah In A Manger by Brad Wilcox


[image error]I have long been of the opinion that Wilcox is a fusion of Jeffrey R. Holland and Neal A. Maxwell.  He fuses doctrine and application in a way that sticks in the mind and I have enjoyed running across his works since hearing him at a BYU Easter symposium years ago.

“Because of the Messiah in a Manger” is no exception.  I approached the book with the expectation that it could not be digested in small chunks and that I would have to commit a single long reading session to get through it or I would lose my place.  Instead, each section feeds into the next in the way that individual episodes of a television series form a season-spanning story arc.  Each chapter recapped a truth from the previous one, but explored the theme along a different path.  Wilcox is not grandiose, but sets profound truths in the context of very human experiences.

The result of this style is both captivating and accessible.  It reminds me of several books written for Advent in which there are daily devotionals throughout the month of December, but you will not be cheated of that experience if you read the entire thing in a few sittings.  Rather, you may come away with many small moments of clarity and a larger appreciation for the doctrine of salvation.

Kaki Olsen is Boston-raised and BYU-educated. Her serious writing ranges from nonfiction to science fiction, but she writes academic papers on geeky things for fun and has been a finalist in the Mormon Lit Blitz. 

 

Because of the Messiah in a Manger

#hearLDSwomen: Inequality between Activity Days and Cub Scouts

[image error]I’m serving in Activity Days. The girls expressed to me that they wanted to do a pinewood derby like the scouts. At our next planning meeting, we got a member of the Primary presidency on the phone to see if we could combine with the Cub Scouts or split cost of the track and have our own event the same day. She said they had a meeting already with people (men, I’m assuming) and had brought up the idea of including the girls. She relayed that it had been a resounding no. When I asked why, she said, “they said it’s a boy thing.” And the rest of the leaders basically scrapped the idea behind my back and planned something different.

I’ve never been so upset as I was that night.

I think word got around I was pretty peeved because my bishop did come talk to me and said he wasn’t aware of the girls wanting to do a pinewood derby, but if we planned it, he’d give us the money for it. Almost a year later and new activity day leaders we are making it happen.

But I know I’m getting talked about for raising a fuss and bypassing the Primary for the budget.

It really upset me because of how much it hurt my heart for the girls. They were the ones who wanted to do the derby! And then I have to tell them what? Sorry? Something else they ask regularly – can we go real overnight camping like the boys!? And again no idea what to say to them. I’d love to spearhead that. Sadly, the other leaders aren’t even interested in making it happen because of tradition. Instead they get to hear about their brothers’ adventures and camp outs. It’s so frustrating! I know exactly how they feel because I was always begging my leaders for the same things.

– KK

 

Our stake puts on an amazing Cub Scout day camp every year. Two full days of fun activities with tons of (mostly LDS) volunteers. The activity day girls get a half day. This year the girls’ activity was about the temple and they were asked to come to the chapel in church clothes. How the hell is this anything comparable? I brought it up to our new stake Primary president who showed up at Cub Scout day camp in her full scouter’s uniform, and she said they were absolutely going to do better for the girls, make it comparable. But when it rolled around, there they were – half day in the chapel in church clothes talking about the temple! We just moved states, and in our new stake the Activity Days day camp is the same thing! A morning, in church clothes, starting in the chapel, talking about the temple. The entire activity lasted two and a half hours and focused on teaching the girls how to index.

– Janeen

 

Pro Tip: Budgets, activities, and resources allocated to boys and girls in the church should be more or less equal. Watch for blatant (or more subtle) inequality and put a stop to it.

Click here to read all of the stories in our #hearLDSwomen series. Has anything like this happened to you? Please share in the comments or submit your experience(s) to participate in the series.

“If any man have ears to hear, let him hear.” (Mark 4:23)

Be the Change

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I love to travel, and one of things that I often do is attend church. Sometimes it is not an LDS service, and sometimes it is. It is always interesting to see how other people do things. Several years ago, in Hawaii, a young woman was being honored for receiving her Young Womanhood Recognition award. The Stake Young Women’s presidency came to the pulpit, called the young sister up, and spoke at length about her projects and character. She was then presented with her medallion and a beautiful lei, accompanied by warm embraces. It was very touching to me.

Last weekend I attended church in New York City. The bishop first asked the Primary President to come forward, calling her “President”. Then, the Primary President invited a twelve year old girl to come to the pulpit. What a splendid girl! Long braids swinging, skirt with constellations and stars on it, rainbow stripe knee-high socks, tennis shoes, and such a smile on her face! The Primary President spoke about this primary graduate’s accomplishments in Activity Days, and told the congregation about her special gift for helping others feel loved. She mentioned that the primary would miss this wonderful girl and that the young women would be lucky to have her. Then the bishop asked everyone to raise their hand in a gesture of appreciation and support as this daughter of the ward transitioned into the next phase of her religious life. Everyone was smiling.

I ache for significant, systemic changes in the way women participate in our church. Both of these examples help me realize that there are many ways, on a personal, local level, that we can improve the experiences that sisters have in church. They may feel like drops in a bucket, but they are still felt. Leaders that exercise sensitivity and creativity can and do make a difference. The culture and traditions of a ward or stake can be significant.

How can I better recognize and appreciate the gifts and accomplishments of my sisters and brothers?

#hearLDSwomen: Single Sisters and the Jedi Hand Wave

[image error]I could fill volumes because not only am I a woman, I’m single, so I don’t have a man attached to me. Doubly invisible.

When I move to a new ward, I show up at church, and people don’t ask me what I do. They say “What does your husband do?” And when I tell them I don’t have one, they’re at a loss as to what to say to me. (Usually, they fall all over themselves to reassure me that my terrible fate of singleness is only temporary and that I should cheer up and be patient. Even when I’ve made no commentary whatsoever on my feelings about my marital status.)

– Trudy

 

I’m not sure how best to put this, but one of the things I find most annoying is what I call the “Jedi hand wave” answers that we get as single sisters – “we don’t know, but… ah, it’ll all work out.”

We’re told in the temple our salvation apparently requires not just Christ’s intercession but the intercession of our spouse – with no information on who will fulfill that role for me.  “It will all work out in the eternities.”

We’re called through the veil by a man – married sisters by their husbands, but who will call me?  Best answer I got was “…Someone who loves you.”

Add to that the worship (to the point of fetishization) of The Family and being told weekly that the best and divine role of women is to have and raise children…where does that leave us? (Hand wave) “You still count. It’ll all work out.  These are not the droids you’re looking for.”

It’s not good enough.

– Kristin

 

Pro Tip: Acknowledge that there are gaping holes in our doctrine concerning single women. See women as whole people separate from their marital status.

Click here to read all of the stories in our #hearLDSwomen series. Has anything like this happened to you? Please share in the comments or submit your experience(s) to participate in the series.

“If any man have ears to hear, let him hear.” (Mark 4:23)

 

Guest Post: How the AIDS Crisis Taught Me an Enlarged Vision of Family

[image error]By Maureen Edgerly

December 1st is the 30th anniversary of World AIDS Day with the theme to Know your HIV Status. I saw a internet thumbnail pop up of Prince Harry having an HIV test, supporting this cause. His mom would be proud. Princess Diana was a HIV/AIDS advocate, visiting and embracing those experiencing this illness.

I graduated from college/nursing school in 1983 and immediately went into oncology. I remember a day in 1984 when I was floated (sent to a nursing unit where one normally doesn’t work) to the Infectious Disease unit and assigned to care for a young person in isolation with a rare disease. I was afraid. In 1985, the unit I worked on enlarged its focus from strictly oncology to include adults with AIDS and AIDS-related complex (ARC). This was before the Human Immunodeficiency Virus (HIV) had been isolated. This was simultaneously my first introduction to gay men. Up until then I had no friends who were gay, or at least I didn’t know they were gay, if they were gay. I had lived a fairly sheltered life.

In the 90s I worked in a Pediatric Oncology Clinic. The physician-director was a forward thinking leader who expanded the clinic to include children with HIV/AIDS. Back then the field of HIV/AIDS didn’t have its own specialists, or at least not very many. Under this leader’s direction our clinic was instrumental in conducting many clinical trials that led to drug approval and successful treatment of children with HIV/AIDS.

What I remember most from those years in pediatrics was the children and their families. The majority of these children contracted HIV from their mothers and some from blood transfusions.

What I saw in that clinic redefined what family is and can be. I saw mothers who were sick, caring for their children who were sick. I saw aunts who were raising their deceased sister’s children, bringing them to their clinic appointments. I saw fathers caring for their children after their wife had died. I saw grandmothers in their 50s, 60s and 70s raising their grandchildren after their own children had died. I saw many, many foster parents, many of whom were gay couples, fostering and/or adopting these children, giving them a home, giving them love and providing care. It was a beautiful place of service and love amidst the constant grief.

I saw strange and unbelievable things. I saw strength and reserve. I saw courage and fear. I saw despair and hope. Most of all I saw love for our fellow human beings, especially our children. In the early years of this epidemic I was afraid of things I didn’t understand and had no experience with, both medically and socially. I am so grateful for the experience and opportunity to know these wonderful people who taught me an enlarged vision of family.

Maureen is a nurse.