Exponent II's Blog, page 234

Christmas Book Review Series: The Sacrament Is for Me

Welcome to the Exponent Book Review Series and Cyber Monday Giveaway!

Over this week and ending on Cyber Monday, we will share our thoughts on books that we think you should consider as possible Christmas gifts for yourself and others! As in the past, everyone who comments on a post will be entered into the draw to win a copy of one of the books that we have reviewed! (Choice of electronic or hard copies in the domestic US, digital copies outside of this area). Your comment on each post gives you one entry (multiple comments on the same post will not give you additional entries.) This year, we are adding comments on the Book Review posts shared on the Exponent Facebook page in addition to comments on the blog. 

Don’t forget to leave a comment! 

For those on Goodreads, we invite you to become friends with the Exponent II on Goodreads! We have included all of our book reviews there, so you can see what we like (and don’t) all in one place!

 

Review of The Sacrament is for me by Jessica B Ellingson and illustrated by Chase Jensen.

 

I was hooked just looking at the cover! The cover artwork is full of whimsy, and has both male and female characters depicted rushing into a church—making one want to rush in and open the book to see what wonders might be inside. But was the inside just as nice?

 

I read this for the first time with my daughters, and they happily read along—pausing only to analyse the artwork before I was allowed to turn the page. The book is for a beginning reader and their parents, though older children will enjoy reading it and looking at the pictures as well. Its concept is pretty simple; it is a rhyming (almost?) instruction book that feels like a story.

 

[image error]The story takes us on the journey of a child attending sacrament meeting in a Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints chapel. The characters are not named, nor does the artwork reflect a gender based gaze. This makes for a flexibly androgynous book that both girls and boys can enjoy without bias. The primary theme is learning about why we take the sacrament in a simplistic, true and rhyming way that reminds us of Jesus, baptism, and ways that we can show respect and reverence at church during the ordinance of the sacrament.

 

The artwork is beautiful throughout, and I have a serious crush on the font used throughout the book. My only mild criticism of the book is the characters in the church congregation were primarily white (where we attend church, the individuals in our past few wards have been equally or primarily *not* white, making this a little hard for us to share. Plus it’s never too young to start teaching inclusion). I also thought that the overall colours in the book were slightly muted. I would have liked something more intensely colourful because the book felt so sunny in its words and images. However, on reflection, I suspect that the gentler colours were a stylistic choice that might be better suited to calming a child who might be reading the book in an actual sacrament meeting.

 

So in a nutshell, yes—the inside of the book is just as engrossing and fun as the cover! The Sacrament is For Me is well worth your investment of $14.99 as it can be a great resource for family home evening, bedtime, afternoon reading and so on. The words teach by gentle instruction, and the illustration is just plain delicious.

 

Want to win this book? Leave a comment! 

 

The Sacrament Is for Me

Christmas Book Review Series: Forbidden Faith

Welcome to the Exponent Book Review Series and Cyber Monday Giveaway!

Over this week and ending on Cyber Monday, we will share our thoughts on books that we think you should consider as possible Christmas gifts for yourself and others! As in the past, everyone who comments on a post will be entered into the draw to win a copy of one of the books that we have reviewed! (Choice of electronic or hard copies in the domestic US, digital copies outside of this area). Your comment on each post gives you one entry (multiple comments on the same post will not give you additional entries.) This year, we are adding comments on the Book Review posts shared on the Exponent Facebook page in addition to comments on the blog. 

Don’t forget to leave a comment! 

For those on Goodreads, we invite you to become friends with the Exponent II on Goodreads! We have included all of our book reviews there, so you can see what we like (and don’t) all in one place!

 

Guest Post book review by Marie: Forbidden Faith, published by Cedar Fort.

Ever read a story and wonder what the other people in it are thinking or feeling? Maybe you love those stories and TV shows that tell fairy tales from the perspective of the villain such as the wicked Stepmother, the evil Queen, or the Big Bad Wolf? Well if that sounds familiar or like something you could be interested in then you definitely have to read Forbidden Faith by RH Roberts and Mechel Wall.

[image error]Roberts and Wall have taken the story of King Noah and the prophets, Abinadi and Alma the Elder, from the Book of Mormon and have told it through the eyes of two women who loved God and loved Noah at the same time: his mother, Mera, and his wife, Tamar. We don’t hear much of the women of the Book of Morm

on but it is evident that they were there. Roberts and Wall have taken the events depicted in the Book of Mormon and used creative license to elaborate on what happened in the days leading to and after these events, making it a historical fiction novel.

The story begins with two brothers, Jarom and Noah. Unfortunately it is not long before Jarom is forced to flee, but he never really leaves the story as our narrators are two women who also love Jarom so we still get glimpses of him throughout as they continue to remember him. The story takes place solely in the city of Lehi-Nephi, which is renamed Shilom when Noah is crowned king. Throughout the story we see people who have given in to greed and pride, but also those who know and love God and must choose every day to risk their lives and their families just to stay faithful. We see several characters growing in faith through their trials, trials that are not entirely unlike those we face today. We see others fall away and come back to God stronger than ever, and others still who die in unbelief.

There is so much I love about this story. One of my favourite characters is Tamar and Noah’s son, Limhi. Throughout the novel we get to watch him grow from a small boy to a man defending his mother and his people. Limhi is so relatable as he learns and grows under his mother and her friends about the scrip

tures and the righteous way to live his life, however as most of us, he also has a very strong force pulling him to do evil. Tamar has a moment when she must let him go and make his own choices and trust that she has taught him well. I felt in this moment that that’s what we all go through no matter what background we come from. We all have to be let go of, whether by our parents, our missionaries, or our Heavenly parents, and given the chance to prove what we’ve learned. Limhi proves himself time and again throughout the novel and can prove a brilliant example to young readers of this book.

Limhi wasn’t the only example though. In the Book of Mormon, we hear much more of Alma the younger’s ministry than that of his father, Alma the elder. In Forbidden Faith, Alma the elder is a secondary character for most of the novel so we really get to see more of who he might have been. Roberts and Wall have done a brilliant job of illustrating the world he grew up in to help readers understand how he could have been so understanding when his own son turned away from the Gospel.

While having a prior knowledge of the Book of Mormon adds incredibly to the experience of reading this story, it is not necessary. Roberts and Wall have included an introduction that sets the scene and have done a magnificent job at developing all of their characters. While the stories in the Book of Mormon clearly provided the inspiration and plot for this book, and the authors have stayed with the details that were explicitly provided, this novel is fully capable

of standing on its own. As you read from chapter to chapter, you will find yourself pulled into a whole other world; engrossed with the lives of these people. You may even have moments, like I did, where you wonder if Noah maybe wasn’t all that bad and perhaps it’s not his fault, and just when you start to feel sympathy for him you will be reminded that we are all given the choice of our own actions. Noah will remind you that he accepted his choice many years ago and has no problem with it. You will beg for characters’ lives and for others to just listen to what the prophet has to say!

And just in case their writing didn’t make you ask yourself enough probing questions, the authors were kind enough to provide questions for discussion at the end of the book.

This is a book that I can see myself enjoying again and again but also giving to friends and family, young and old, to enjoy with me. If you’re looking for a quick but enthralling and thought-provoking read, I highly recommend that you pick up a copy as soon as possible.

 

Marie is a self-acclaimed crazy cat-lady, aerialist, and storyteller. She recently signed her life away in marriage and likes to spend her spare hours downing in Netflix and baking goodies she really shouldn’t be eating anyway.

 

Guest Post: Porcupines, Islands and Congregations

[image error]By Maureen Edgerly

What do porcupines, islands and congregations have in common? Consider the following fable and poem.

“A number of porcupines huddled together for warmth on a cold day in winter, but, as they began to prick one another with their quills, they were obliged to disperse. However the cold drove them together again, when just the same thing happened. At last, after many turns of huddling and dispersing, they discovered that they would be best off by remaining at a little distance from one another. In the same way the need of society drives the human porcupines together, only to be mutually repelled by the many prickly and disagreeable qualities of their nature. The moderate distance which they at last discover to be the only tolerable condition of intercourse, is the code of politeness and fine manners; and those who transgress it are roughly told—in the English phrase—to keep their distance. By this arrangement the mutual need of warmth is only very moderately satisfied; but then people do not get pricked. A man who has some heat in himself prefers to remain outside, where he will neither prick other people nor get pricked himself.” ― Arthur Schopenhauer, Parerga and Paralipomena (1851).

‘No Man Is an Island’ by John Donne, 1624

No man is an island entire of itself;

every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main;

if a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less,

as well as if a promontory were,

as well as any manner of thy friends or of thine own were;

any man’s death diminishes me,

because I am involved in mankind.

And therefore never send to know for whom

the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.

At first glance these might seem on divergent wavelengths. However if we liken each to a congregational experience we might find a common frequency. Is there a predictable ebb and flow of congregational unity? Is it a factor of the General or local leadership, the membership or perhaps the times? Are there prickly quills that stab or trigger us in unpleasant ways? Why are some wards able to blunt the quills and create warm, loving, open unity?

Can we reimagine John Donne’s poem and apply it to losing an individual to inactivity rather than death. Is a ward diminished by the loss of its members? I think so. Yet, people leave and people stay in an accordion-like fashion. Donne says “any man’s death diminishes me.” Does the loss of any member diminish us all? I hope so. I hope it spurs us to activity, but not as we might think.

Over years of activity at church, I have participated in outreach efforts to members and nonmembers alike, inviting them to come to (or return to) church. These efforts have been called missionary outreach, re-activation, rescue, fellowship and now ministering. I suppose I have been on a list from time to time myself.

As we hasten to the rescue are we ignoring the elephant in the room, a.k.a. the prickly quills? Wouldn’t it help to understand the “why” of island making and withdrawal?

What is the heat that a person possesses that encourages them to step away completely?

Is there a sweet-spot for you?

Are there quills that poke your safe space at church?

Would it help to explore them and would you be willing to talk about it?

Would the people listen who could make a difference?

 

 Maureen lives in Maryland where she turns quills into knitting needles

Guest Post — To Wear or Not to Wear: Rethinking How We Teach Modesty

[image error]By Emily

Upon my acceptance to BYU, I was put in a group message with almost 300 other new freshmen. Our conversations covered a wide variety of topics from politics to the superior dog breed with the help of some individuals who liked to pose controversial questions and then duck out of the group before the ensuing chaos. One incident in particular stuck out to me. Someone posed a question about modesty, and, more specifically, if leggings qualify as modest. One young man weighed in saying (and I’m paraphrasing), “Skinny jeans are basically the same as leggings, which you shouldn’t wear. If something is skin tight, it’s immodest. You shouldn’t wear it.” His comment created an uproar in the group and caused a veritable firestorm of messages that practically froze my phone.

For days, I mulled over the controversy generated by this thread on leggings. I came to realize that we need to do a better job of teaching accurate, thoughtful, doctrine-based principles behind modesty and encouraging youth to govern themselves. If youth view guidance on modesty as an inflexible “laundry list” of rules to follow, or a standard by which to judge others, then they grow up begrudging modesty standards and lose the focus on the beautiful principles behind them. Instead, we should emphasize dressing and acting in ways that would allow us to convey our inner character, to feel comfortable in the Savior’s presence, and to avoid drawing undue attention to ourselves or to encourage others to objectify us (intentionally or unintentionally). These are relatively simple principles but they can make a huge difference in the lives of the youth because dressing modestly can improve relationships with others, the Savior, and ourselves. Modesty is so much more than deciding what to wear.

As history has shown, it is human nature to want to focus on minutiae and ignore weightier matters. For example, long before the coming of Christ, the original purpose of the Sabbath had become largely ignored in Israel; the spirit of its observance had been “smothered under the weight of rabbinical injunction and the formalism of restraint.” Often, in our discussion and teaching of modesty, we are like those in Christ’s day who quibbled over the smallest outward expressions of Sabbath day observance. We get wrapped up in trying so hard to do what is right that we completely miss the meaning behind the simple principles. In our day, this often spills over into social media and other online forums where the result is counterproductive, combative, judgmental debate, all fostering a spirit of contention and hurt feelings. We would do well to keep in mind that our main objectives in the church are to love and serve one another—unconditionally. How can we do that if we’re judging each other based on our individual interpretation of guidelines and quibbling over fashion? How can the youth learn to show unconditional love if they’re being trained to be hypersensitive to what a person is wearing?

Overemphasizing the appearance aspect of modesty by trying to create a list of specific things one can and cannot wear undermines, rather ironically, the purpose of modesty. By focusing on appearances, we are constantly evaluating, worrying, and looking each other up and down, drawing greater attention to our appearances, when we should be teaching the principles of modesty as a technique to focus instead on inner qualities, such as character, faith, and charity. Modesty is more than just how we dress, though that’s often how we treat it. We need to carefully teach true principles of modesty and encourage the youth to use these principles to govern themselves. Rather than getting carried away by quibbling about what we “can” and “cannot” wear, it is imperative that we understand that modesty is chiefly about “glorify[ing] God in [our] body, and in [our] spirit.”

Growing up, many of my friends struggled with figuring out what was appropriate to wear. I was once a part of that group that would roll their eyes during young women’s lessons on the topic. We wondered why in the world we were given this strict set of rules, why we were nagged incessantly to dress modestly, and why modesty seemed to only apply to girls. We’d already decided that we didn’t want to be told what we could and couldn’t wear.

I believe that if we’d been told how modesty could benefit us, augmenting our characters, solidifying self-confidence, and strengthening our relationships, we would have been more receptive. We should teach youth that they should dress their outsides to match their inner characters (and that it’s their responsibility to decide what that character will be). If we emphasize that it is up to each individual to decide how to act and dress modestly through personal revelation, agency, and with the help from parents and leaders if needed, then we can encourage introspection and foster within the youth a desire to follow the standards for their own benefit.

For many youth like my friends and those in the BYU group message, the biggest problems arise when we disagree on the specifics—the “do’s and don’t’s” surrounding modesty, and forget the important “bigger picture” principles behind them that ask: “Am I trying to use my body to get attention or approval?” And “would I feel comfortable with my appearance and conduct if I were in the Lord’s presence?”.When we degenerate into a spirit of contention and confusion, we forget that these principles are what matter, that modesty is more than just what we wear: it’s also how we act and portray ourselves.

In teaching modesty to youth, church leaders should emphasize the primary principles that we dress and act a certain way to “show respect for the Lord and [ourselves]” (“For the Strength of Youth”). We should teach this principle thoroughly and repeatedly to the youth so that they (and we) are united in that common goal and collectively can see the bigger picture captured in those values. If we teach the principles behind modesty more thoroughly and allow the youth to make those decisions for themselves, they (and we) will gain a stronger testimony of the concept of modesty and how it can truly bless our self-image and spiritual strength. It’s up to us to institute it correctly in our lives.

As leaders and peers, we should follow the counsel of the prophet Joseph Smith when he was asked how he kept order in the church: “I teach them correct principles, and they govern themselves” (“Leading in the Lord’s Way”). We should not make the guidelines on modesty more important than the principles, which exist to help us to learn to value ourselves and others for reasons beyond physical appearance. We should be modest to respect our own bodies and characters; we will feel better and more confident because we are dressed appropriately for whatever situation we’re in. If we can teach youth to value those principles, then we are one step closer to becoming like our Savior; “for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7)

 

Emily’s bio: I am a student at BYU, originally from Virginia. My hobbies include sports, reading, making music, and ranting, not particularly in that order. I’m a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and I love the church. However, sometimes I think we have a long way to go before it’s what it’s intended to be. I originally wrote this for an English class but I wanted to contribute to this community, so I decided to try to submit it here!

Christmas Book Review Series 2018: Amazing Scriptures

[image error]Welcome to the Exponent Book Review Series and Cyber Monday Giveaway!

Over this week and ending on Cyber Monday, we will share our thoughts on books that we think you should consider as possible Christmas gifts for yourself and others! As in the past, everyone who comments on a post will be entered into the draw to win a copy of one of the books that we have reviewed! Your comment on each post gives you one entry (multiple comments on the same post will not give you additional entries.) This year, we are adding comments on the Book Review posts shared on the Exponent Facebook page in addition to comments on the blog. 

 

Want to win a copy of this book? Leave a comment! 

 

For those on Goodreads, we invite you to become friends with the Exponent II on Goodreads! We have included all of our book reviews there, so you can see what we like (and don’t) all in one place!

 

Review of Amazing Scriptures by Norman Shurtliff.

 

In all honesty, the book arrived at out house and promptly went missing. As a busy parent, I chose to not worry too much… but after a few days, I finally asked. My daughter had absconded with it to her room: it was her new favourite thing and she wasn’t too into letting me “borrow” it. I did convince her that we could read it together, and much to both of our delight, we did.

 

 

It seems a bit odd to call this a book: it is a comic book, board game, a maze and a choose-your-own adventure style activity. It is focused on Nephi, Sam, Laman and Lemuel, and as a reader, you follow the comic in a choose-your-own-adventure style (though you also need to toss a die in parts) and follow Laman as he tries to obtain the plates from Laban. The names of the characters are the only parts that reflect scripture, but because my daughter was familiar with the names and the story, the game jumped off of the page for her!

 

Shurtliff has a corresponding website with printables and others tools to continue and add upon the adventure, and which is handy to add more players to the game.

 

There isn’t much literary depth to the comic, nor is spiritual enlightenment on the table, but the book is fun—just plain fun. It took me a little bit to get my head around the character names as I had a fairly narrow perspective on individuals with those names based on the Book of Mormon story found in 1st Nephi. Once I dropped the idea that this was supposed to teach religiosity, the thing flowed perfectly.  This does not appeal as much to my younger daughter who likes to work more strategy-based games, and who volunteers herself as a “tester” any time a wizard offers her “sneaking potion” to help her be more stealth. But my comic-book reading, star wars-loving daughter was sold on this instantly. I personally appreciated the creativity and originality in which the characters came to life for Shurtliff, and the way in which he makes this story into a fantastical adventure for others to share. I also found this to be a super fun road-trip game that took up very little space, and which we could play together as a family for a great night in.

 

I recommend this for tweens who like sci-fi and fantasy, and for $14.99, this is a very affordable investment in a non-digital, interactive game that inspires a sense of adventure, creativity and imagination (and a few laughs as well).

Amazing Scriptures: A Book of Mormon Adventure of Comics and Mazes

 

 

#hearLDSwomen: My Voice Is Dismissed; Men’s Voices Are Heard

[image error]I started bringing my husband to all one on one interviews such as callings because if a calling was not right for me and I asked for time to think/pray about it, the bishop would tell me I’m not exercising faith or not supporting my leaders.

If my husband came along and I said I’d like to receive a confirmation on my own, my husband would chime in with a comment about my other responsibilities being a priority for our family, and the bishop would smile, agree with him, and either withdraw the call or let us pray about it for a week before declining.

– Jennifer

 

I can’t tell you the number of times I have quoted scripture or a conference talk or something Joseph Smith said and been dismissed, only to have a man come along and share the same scripture or quote and be praised for his knowledge and understanding of the gospel.

Conversely, I have also been in the situation where my knowledge of the scriptures was praised, but in such an exaggerated way that the surprise at my knowledge was nearly as irritating as a dismissal.

– Leah Marie Silverman

 

A bishop a few years back interviewed my husband and me to welcome us into the ward. He asked a question that my husband indicated for me to answer, and the bishop ignored that I said anything and repeated the question to my husband.

– Descent

 

Pro Tip: Give women’s words as much weight as men’s. Don’t look to men to speak for their wives.

Click here to read all of the stories in our #hearLDSwomen series. Has anything like this happened to you? Please share in the comments or submit your experience(s) to participate in the series.

“If any man have ears to hear, let him hear.” (Mark 4:23)

#hearLDSwomen: My Bishop Asked Me Sexually Explicit Questions I Didn’t Understand, so I Researched Them. I Was Eleven

[image error]I was eleven years old. I had been called in for a pre-YW/Primary graduation interview. Towards the end of the interview, the bishopric member asked me if I obeyed the law of chastity. When I responded in the affirmative, he asked if I knew what it meant. I responded in an age-appropriate way, something along the lines of “You shouldn’t go too far before you get married.” He chuckled and said, “Yes, but it’s that definition of ‘too far’ where people get stuck.” He then asked me the following questions:

– Have you masturbated?

– Have you let a boy touch your breasts?

– Have you let a boy touch your genitals?

– Have you touched a boy’s genitals?

– Have you had vaginal sex?

– Have you had oral sex?

– Have you had anal sex?

Again, I was *eleven.* I was a child. I hadn’t so much as held a boy’s hand, and my sexual knowledge was limited to the biological basics of reproduction. I didn’t know what most of the terms meant. I was deeply (and, I’m sure, visibly) uncomfortable. When I didn’t understand something, the bishopric member explained it to me – clinically, but explicitly. I had no way of knowing this was not normal. I had been raised to trust my church leaders implicitly.

I was humiliated by the experience, both because I was uncomfortable with what he was explaining and because he’d “needed” to explain it at all. At the time, a lot of my sense of self-worth came from feeling like I was smart and knowledgeable. I was ashamed of my ignorance. I thought I should have known what all of that meant. I didn’t want to be embarrassed in an interview again, so I decided I needed to thoroughly research human sexuality. So I went to the library and I did. I threw myself into the research project as thoroughly as any I’d ever attacked before. At eleven, though, I was not psychologically mature enough for the level of detail and explicitness I was reading. I knew everything I could find information on about sexual practices, techniques, and fetishes long before I had any sexual interest of my own. I do not doubt that this deeply affected my own sexual development.

Several years later, I had a temple recommend interview with another counselor for an upcoming youth temple trip. During the part of the interview about chastity, he informed me that I had an “immodest body type.” I had developed fairly young, and at 14 was already very busty. He told me that I would need to be particularly careful with how I dressed and moved. He called me naturally provocative. He said that others would need to be protected from me. The shame lasted for years.

I recently told my parents about my childhood experiences when talking to them about the Protect LDS Children movement and about my concerns for my teenage siblings. They were understandably shocked and wanted to know why I hadn’t told them at the time. I explained to them that at that age I had no concept of what was supposed to happen during worthiness interviews. I had no way of knowing that explicit descriptions of sexual acts or commentary on the physical sexual development of minors was not normal or appropriate. I was taught that church leaders were trustworthy, that they were stand-ins for God. I assumed any discomfort must be my own fault. Sex was a taboo in my home, as is true for many Mormon families, and so it never would have occurred to me to talk to my parents about the chastity portions of my interviews. I would have been very uncomfortable doing so.

If I had been given the option of having a parent in the interviews with me, I never would have requested it. At that age, I did not know enough to understand what I needed to be protected from. That is why the current policy of allowing a parent to sit in on request is insufficient. By making interviews one-on-one except on request, children are put in the position of being made responsible for their own protection before they have the maturity to understand what is and is not appropriate, and are then blamed for failing to protect themselves if they get hurt. One-on-one interviews facilitate abuse. They are dangerous and need to stop.

– N. Christensen

 

Pro Tip: Do not ask sexually explicit questions, comment on or objectify women’s bodies, or have one-on-one interviews with youth.

Click here to read all of the stories in our #hearLDSwomen series. Has anything like this happened to you? Please share in the comments or submit your experience(s) to participate in the series.

“If any man have ears to hear, let him hear.” (Mark 4:23)

The Risks of Giving Birth Early and Often Fall Mostly on Women and Children

[image error]During the October 2018 Women’s Session of General Conference, President Dallin H. Oaks, first counselor in the Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (LDS), spoke disparagingly about LDS women getting married at a slightly older age (two years older than in the past) and giving birth to fewer children. He did not make a direct call to action, but judging from what I am hearing in LDS forums, many women of childbearing age are feeling pressure to make babies. Some have reported that third parties have contacted them to nudge them toward starting families right away.

Oaks acknowledges there are valid exceptions to his counsel that he chooses not to mention. “I only teach the general rules. Whether an exception applies to you is your responsibility. You must work that out individually between you and the Lord,” he has said.

Before making life-altering decisions to get married young and bear many children, a woman must “work that out individually between [herself] and the Lord,” especially considering that pregnancy and lactation are confined to women by biology and, based on what all three members of the First Presidency said at the Women’s Session, it is also their assumption and preference that women will do the bulk of the work related to raising these children for the two decades following birth, even after biological differences between male and female parents become less pertinent.

As a public health professional, I worked with a community with an extremely high infant mortality rate. The cause of the deaths had been traced to very short intervals between pregnancies. One man was angry about our efforts to encourage birth control between pregnancies because he saw having large families as a religious duty.

I tried to explain that the health department was not opposed to large families; we were just encouraging people to follow the pregnancy spacing guidelines established by science. Mothers and babies are safer when siblings are born about two and a half years apart from each other, not within the same year. I myself am a mother of several children, I assured him. (I have four children—not as many as President Oaks, whose late wife June gave birth to six children, nor the current President of the church, Russell M. Nelson, whose late wife, Dantzel, had 10 children, but more than the previous president of the church, Thomas S. Monson, whose wife, Frances, had three children.)

The angry man told me that he knew people with 14 children and there was no way they could have so many if they spaced them two and a half years apart.

He was right. If people choose to follow guidelines that lessen risks for mothers and children, it is likely that they will have fewer children than they would otherwise. Many of the strategies for producing larger families—starting young, spacing pregnancies close together, and continuing to give birth into older age—carry significant health risks for both mothers and babies. Babies born under these circumstances are more likely to be born preterm and low birthweight, which can lead to other chronic conditions that affect them their entire lives. The women who carry these pregnancies are more likely to experience life-threatening conditions such as preeclampsia, diabetes and hypertension.

More income is required to keep a larger family out of poverty.  “Poverty is the single greatest threat to children’s well-being.” Children who grow up in poverty are at greater risk for chronic illness, cognitive problems, and premature death.

A woman who marries at age 20 is more likely to divorce than a woman who marries at age 25, and single women with children have one of the highest poverty rates of all demographics in America. (The same risk does not apply to single fathers.) Fewer than half of divorced American women receive all the child support they are legally entitled to from noncustodial fathers.

Couples with children are less likely to divorce than couples without, but there is a dark side to this seemingly happy statistic: women are more likely to stay in unhappy or even abusive marriages if they have children. High proportions of mothers drop out of college and the workforce, not always by choice, narrowing their options to staying married or living in poverty.

Some people believe that if Millennials would make more babies, it would benefit elderly, retired people by replenishing the workforce with young workers who could contribute to the Social Security fund. Oaks mentioned the aging population in his talk. I respectfully suggest that even if every fertile LDS woman with access to a sexual partner or a sperm bank were to give birth as often as possible, we would not be able to reverse the demographic shift because the main factor driving it is not too few babies, but rather many, many more seniors.

The American senior population is now composed primarily of Baby Boomers, the largest generation in American history. More babies than usual were born from 1946-1964 after several years of repressed fertility due to the catastrophic events of World War II. During the baby boom, an average of approximately 4,100,000 babies were born each year.

In 2016, the most recent year for which data are available, 3,945,875 American babies were born—almost as many as during the heyday of American baby-making!  With so many babies being born, why is the population aging? Because improved public health and innovations in medical technology are increasing life expectancy. Trying to match the size of the elderly population by making more babies is a futile attempt to chase a moving target.

Even if increased baby-making worked as a solution for the elderly, it could cause a new crisis for the children. The larger the population, the greater its carbon footprint. A side effect of another baby boom would be the need for more drastic lifestyle changes to control climate change, which has already started causing hurricanes and wildfires.

At the First Presidency’s initial press conference, President Oaks brought up another benefit to starting families early from his perspective; married Millennials are more likely to stay active in the church than their single counterparts.

By looking at the stats, or simply looking at the people in the pews at your local Singles Ward, it is apparent that single women are more likely to remain active in the Church than single men. Marriage as a retention effort is primarily directed toward men.

All considered, the potential risks of having babies early and often primarily affect women and children, while the theoretical benefits would help male church members and the elderly. Only elderly men are within the highest ranks of leadership with the LDS Church, so the opinions of some, such as Oaks, are unsurprising.

We might take a cue from the women who came before us. In the sixties and seventies, several church leaders condemned birth control, using much more forceful language than Oaks did in his recent talk. And yet, most LDS women disregarded the rhetoric and used birth control anyway. Eventually, church leaders implemented the current policy that birth control use is a private decision.

No one but you can determine the right size for your family. Whether due to personal revelation or personal preference, many people do choose to have large families, and I support their decision. To many, the rewards of having a large family are worth the risks. But please, don’t take on risk to yourself and your children simply because of the opinions of others, even if those opinions are expressed during a General Conference talk. You are the person who will be responsible for the lives you bring into this world.

#hearLDSwomen: Getting My Bishop to Staff Primary Callings Is a Nightmare

[image error]I was Primary president in a ward that wasn’t huge, but we did definitely have plenty of adults who could’ve helped out in Primary. I suggested name after name and nothing. ever. happened. So one week, I dismissed all the classes that didn’t have teachers. I said, “Tell your parents that you don’t have class today because we don’t have a teacher for you.” Guess what? The next week, five new teachers were called.

– Amy Giauque Chamberlain

 

Every single time our Primary presidency warned that someone was not a good fit for Primary, that we didn’t want them working with children–and they got called to be Primary workers over our objections.

– L

 

Being in a Primary presidency, and the names we turned in were ignored, and random people were called to Primary without telling us until we heard it over the pulpit.

– Jennifer

 

Once in the Primary presidency, I submitted a list of 15 names to staff four vacant Cub Scout callings–like, just take your pick, any of these will do–and was told no for every single one. So, I handed them a list of the four callings and said, you fill these. You find someone because I’m tired of trying.

Oddly enough, I ended up with four people who had been on the list of 15.

– Leah Marie Silverman

 

Pro Tip: Respect the stewardships of the women in your ward, and keep them in the loop on callings that fall under their authority.

Click here to read all of the stories in our #hearLDSwomen series. Has anything like this happened to you? Please share in the comments or submit your experience(s) to participate in the series.

“If any man have ears to hear, let him hear.” (Mark 4:23)

Guest Post: Seeing

[image error]By Maureen Edgerly

Today I listened to an interesting story on Noah Rasheta’s podcast, “Secular Buddhism.” He had been communicating online for over a year with a work associate in China named Chris, whom he had never met in person. On a trip to China, Noah made arrangements to meet Chris. Arriving at the location but not seeing Chris, he walked around a bit, returning to the particular table where they were to meet several times. Eventually he sat down at one end of the table. Two women were sitting at the other end. One of them spoke asking him, “Are you Noah? I am Chris.” In that awakening moment Noah realized that his preconceived idea/story of who Chris was, was not reality. He had created an image of Chris that was not accurate.

Last night I had a phone call with a friend of mine in Las Vegas, who has recently completed a master’s degree in pastoral theology. I shared with her the faith journey I have traveled in the past year. She encouraged me to read the story about Jesus and his disciples on the road to Emmaus, found in Luke 24:13-35.

Coincidentally, this is an additional account of someone (two disciples) not “seeing” or recognizing someone (Jesus) even though the person is right in front of them. What kept these two disciples (verse 16) from recognizing our Lord? Perhaps Jesus did not look the same in his resurrected body as he had in his mortal body. Perhaps there was a veil placed on the disciples eyes/minds for the purposes of the journey. Perhaps Jesus had a hood on his head that obscured his face, as is often depicted in videos. Perhaps they thought he was still dead and his body had been moved or stolen. They were not expecting a living, resurrected Jesus and especially not expecting him to be walking with them on what might be considered an inconsequential walk from Jerusalem to Emmaus. Was it their belief that he was dead (which they might have witnessed first-hand) that prevented them from seeing him in a different realm?

They knew the current events but did not know the prophecies regarding the current events, or they had not linked the past and the present just yet. Jesus schooled them on the road. What an awakening it was to have the prophecies explained by the Master Teacher. They begged him to stay with them and he obliged. In the breaking of the bread they “saw” him.

Is that not our goal also, to “see” God and be one with God? We are asked to do this by seeing God in our fellow beings. Are we seeing God? Is our story about God so rigid that we don’t see God when God is right in front of us? Where do you see God?

During the past year I have reached outside the box of Mormonism for my own mental health. I was so absorbed in the wrestle that I became bitter and frustrated. Interestingly enough, one of the meanings of the name Maureen is bitter. (I never found that amusing.) Sometimes, I need to change the channel. One peaceful channel for me is mindfulness and trying to be in the moment. Part of that involves “seeing” things as they really are, instead of through our lens or created story.

In an attempt to feel close to my deceased family members I sometimes attend mass or contemplate my long family heritage of Catholicism. We in Mormonism often reference our multi-generational heritage in the church. I wonder how far back my Catholic roots go. I’ve only gone back to the 1700s but my German ancestors did not convert to Lutheranism. It might be that my heritage goes back many centuries or millennia as a Catholic. I’ve submitted all the names and participated in many vicarious ordinances on their behalf. Yet, I still feel close to them sitting in a quiet, Catholic church. Why is that? Is it because I can “see” how they worshipped? Or is it just a reminiscence of my childhood, attending mass with my family?

My friend, who called last night, told me I was in the desert, walking. It is a place you go to let go of encumbrances and meet God. Maybe my encumbrance is the image I have created of God.

It might take a while in the desert. God might not look like the mental picture I’ve created. God might be talking to me through my friend, reassuring me that I am on a path designed specifically for me.

In April I was visiting my daughter who was 14 days past her due date with her first child. On this last day before the birth of her beautiful baby, the pain, fatigue, frustration and discouragement were palpable. There was no joy. She just needed this part to be over. While she was lying down in another room, I knelt down on the floor and audibly cried out to “Heavenly Father, Heavenly Mother, Jesus, Mom, Dad, Aunt Rosemary, Phil (my deceased brother), all who care about us: We need you now. We need your help and strength. We need this labor to begin and we need it now. Please!” I was still kneeling when my daughter came to tell me she had begun the process (sparing you the details). In that moment my view of God expanded. I can’t articulate fully the envelopment of love and support I felt from my God/family at that time. I “saw” God in that moment, not with my eyes but in my heart.

How do you see God?

Has your image of God changed over time?

How do you honor the religious/spiritual traditions of your heritage that are not LDS?

 

Maureen enjoys time with her family, especially her grandchildren. She enjoys knitting, swimming, walking, talking and contemplating.