Exponent II's Blog, page 214

Conducting a baptismal interview

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I recently had a very rare opportunity for a woman in the church – I got to help carry out a baptismal interview.  My in-laws are serving a mission, and they asked for my help with an investigator who is an immigrant from the Democratic Republic of the Congo.  He has been taking the lessons virtually through French-speaking missionaries on Temple Square, but the local missionaries had to conduct the baptismal interview, but don’t speak French and the investigator speaks only limited English.  I do speak French, but I live thousands of miles away from their area of service. My mother-in-law asked if I would help resolve the issue by acting as a translator using FaceTime.  I was happy to oblige.

I printed off the official questions in French in advance so I could be certain that I was using the approved terminology in translating what the interviewer said.  I asked a friend to watch my kids for a bit and shut myself in a bedroom so I wouldn’t be interrupted.  I translated the questions that the Elder asked, and then I translated the responses of the investigator.  It was a powerful spiritual experience, and I felt the excitement and joy of someone just discovering the Gospel.

I served a mission myself, not French speaking, about fifteen years ago.  However, only one person that I taught joined the church while I was around to be at the baptism.  Of course as a sister missionary I never conducted baptismal interviews, much less baptized, witnessed or confirmed a new member of the church.

When I express a wish that women could hold the priesthood, I often hear that everyone benefits equally from the priesthood, but that simply isn’t true.  The powerful spiritual experiences that can come through administering in the church and conducting ordinances are not available to me. Were it not for the fluke of necessity and the advantages of modern technology I would never have been a party to any baptismal interview since my own twenty-seven years ago.  I’m grateful for the opportunity that I had to play a role in helping this brother on his spiritual journey, and I wish that it weren’t a once-in-a-lifetime, never met any other women who have done this kind of opportunity.

A Talk for Baptism

I’ve been thinking about baptism lately and just remembered that I have saved the talk I gave at my oldest’s baptism 3 years ago. I thought I’d share it here.

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Giving the talk at my daughter’s baptism, April 2016.

When you were 4 years old, you were learning the song, When I am Baptized for the primary program. It’s the one that starts, “I like to look for rainbows, whenever there is rain.” The second verse starts with “I know when I am baptized, my wrongs are washed away.” You came to me crying because it made you sad and you didn’t want your wrongs washed away. Do you know what I said to you? I said, “That song is wrong. First, you are 4 and you have no wrongs. Second, you sound sad because it sounds like a part of you will be gone. That’s not true. You are still you and you keep the memory of the things you do wrong so that you know not to do them again.”

After my sister was baptized, I did something wrong. When we were getting into the car, there was a fight and I teased her saying by saying she wasn’t perfect anymore. It was wrong of me to tease her. And I was wrong about being perfect. Being perfect is not the plan. That was the other plan we didn’t pick. You are expected to make mistakes. Your heavenly parents expect you to make mistakes and I expect you to make mistakes.

Now, what happens when we make mistakes? Well, people get hurt. Or they hurt themselves. So with everyone in the world making mistakes and hurting each other, what can we do?

In the Book of Mormon, there was a group of people who all decided to get baptized together. They said they’d promise 3 things because they also knew people made mistakes and got hurt. First, they promised to take on the name of Christ. Do you know what that means? Do you know when you got your name? It was when you were born. And sometimes people compare baptism to being born again. And you get a new name, Jesus Christ, but we aren’t going to call you Jesus. Instead, you are supposed to be walking around every day for the rest of your life as if you are Jesus and do the things he’d do.

The second thing they promised was to “mourn with those that mourn.” Do you know what that means? “Mourn” is a word that is used for how sad people feel when someone has died or if something they really hoped for didn’t happen. Mourning with those that mourn is to be sad with people who are sad. If someone is hurt or sad and you say, “Yeah, that makes me sad, too.” It helps them feel a little better.

The third thing they promised was to “comfort those that stand in need of comfort.” That means to take care of other people. There are a lot of hurting people in the world and at baptism you promise to take care of them.

Now, Margaret, you aren’t alone in helping the hurt. Everyone here who got baptized promised these, too. And I bet the people here who haven’t been baptized also want to fix the hurt in the world. We support you and are all on the same team and we’ll help you.

And in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

May 1, 2019

Today is May Day. When I was a kid, we came home from school on May Day and my mother would have placed vases of flowers in our rooms. Flowers in my house were not just decorative, they were expensive and my mom bought them only for the most special occasions, milestones important enough to make the trip to the florist. The transition into spring was such an event. The first warm day. The day when spring is really here, not just a few tentative crocuses but blossoms bursting on every tree, brief harbingers of the green leafy summer to come.

My mother gave flowers to us, we gave brightly colored cone shaped baskets filled with popcorn and candy to friends. We dashed from door to door leaving our tiny gifts hanging on knobs and tucked in screens. Valentines Day mixed with Halloween and sunshine! Spring was the home stretch. Just a few more weeks of school and then we could play all day.

The history of May Day is complicated. Most ancient civilizations had a way of marking the passage from winter. The British Isles are well known for symbolic fertility rituals accompanied with adorned alters, purifying fires and literal reenactments of the God and Goddess coming together. Ribbons hanging from trees, sacrifices, lots of dancing, these wild parties seemed devilish to the Christian armies as they marched through Europe. So they draped theology around traditions and replaced them with festivals about Saints and the Virgin Mary, obscuring the older stories. Our Puritan ancestors banned everything – Pagan or Catholic – associated with Spring celebrations. In more recent history May 1st is also International Workers Day, rooted in socialism and now representative of continued efforts for labor rights and equality throughout the world. Again the US chooses not to align, moving our Labor Day as far away in the calendar as possible.

And yet school children are still running around the neighborhood with paper baskets.  People still jump into cold lakes, burn wicker figures, and protest against injustice. There is something deep in our humanity that responds to warming weather more like plants and animals, the tame unravels, the mind drifts, and we desperately want to be outside.

When we lived in Japan, we went to a cherry blossom festival. There were huge crowds, spreading elaborate picnics, everyone talking and marveling at the falling “snow” of petals. My little boys held out their hands and caught pink flakes that did not melt, but drifted on their clothes and around their feet, teasing with the look of winter and the smell and feel of spring. It was a true party in the spirit of ancient times. People ventured out of their warm houses and met together without the shivering rush to get back inside, lingering, chatting, looking at the swirl of blossoms, beautiful and brief, discussing the ethereal nature of life.

Sitting here at my desk, looking out a window, with stacks of tidy, organized expectations all around me, I am dreaming of dancing with wild abandon, marching in a parade, painting myself blue and finding a partner, planting my hopes in the dark, rich earth and watching them grow into new realities. I think back to my mother’s flowers, an unusual gift, a radical act in her own small way, bringing life where there was just a waiting desk.

Relief Society Lesson Christ: The Light That Shines in Darkness by Sharon Eubank

Guest post by Kristi Edwards, who gave this lesson in her ward recently

Link to the talk on LDS.org

Before I started my lesson I asked that anyone who was going to share and participate in the discussion would only share their own personal experiences and not other people/family. We can never know what others are truly feeling/thinking and it is not our experience to share. 

Read/retell the temple lights story – first 3 paragraphs.

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DC Mormon Temple by Dome Poon, used in accordance with (CC BY-NC-ND 2.0)

What are some examples you’ve experienced in your own life where you have “seen darkness” instead of the light you were used to? How did you overcome the dark?

Grief




Read the paragraph under grief
Put up poster or write on the board “Christ heals wounds”
Is there anyone who would like to share how the Saviour has helped you though grief?




Tired




Read paragraph under tired
Learning to say “No” is one of the hardest lessons I’ve ever had to learn but it has allowed me to find the rest I’ve needed to be able to carry on.
Put up poster or write on the board “Christ is rest”




Fit the Mold




Read the 2nd & 3rd paragraphs about the tax collector.
Why was he in the tree? (He was small in stature and could not see over the crowd)
Read 1st paragraph under Mold heading.
There are so many people who feel they don’t fit among us. Why is that when we are supposed to be examples of Christ?
Put up poster or write on the board “Christ sees us in our tree”




Questions




Share the story of Sis. Eubanks’ dream.
How are you going to increase your faith like the brother of Jared, so your stones can be turned into light?
Hang poster or write on the board “Christ is light to see”




Never be Good Enough




Read first paragraph under heading
We all make mistakes and fall short but as we turn to the Saviour & repent we can become whole again.
Put up poster or write on the board “Christ makes wool white”

Read 2 paragraphs starting at “If you feel that the beacon…”

Read last paragraph starting at “Take a few more steps…”

Testify that Jesus is the way. He is the light we need to follow. Trust in Him and we will always be able to find our way.

Relief Society Lesson Plan: “Preparing for the Lord’s Return” Elder D. Todd Christofferson

Guest Post by Descent

Talk on LDS.org

Each conference, my family listens closely to the talks to see if a theme emerged for the conference. In 2004, as my then boyfriend and I sat on the steps of the tabernacle looking up at the Salt Lake temple, we heard a theme emerging. We felt church leaders were clearly directing members to establish families and marriages built on the principles of the gospel. Not surprisingly, we were married by the next conference. Our son is now old enough to participate in this form of analysis. His assessment of the April 2018’s theme was “Life sucks, and then you die.” Thankfully, the theme was refined for October 2018, which he declared was “Life sucks, and joy comes from helping others.”

In his April 2019 Conference talk, Elder Christofferson seems to be continue with the previous theme. He starts out with a story from his apostolic ministry:

“Some time ago in Buenos Aires, Argentina, I participated in a conference with leaders from a wide variety of religious faiths. Their love for their fellow man was unmistakable. They were intent on relieving suffering and helping people rise above oppression and poverty.”

There are two remarkable aspects of this anecdote. Firstly, Elder Christofferson is acknowledging structural inequality and injustice in society. Secondly, he is praising social justice ministry and in so doing, implies that latter-day saint Christians have an ethical and religious duty to engage in work that addresses societal problems like oppression and poverty.

He then goes on to clearly state: “In that moment, the Holy Spirit affirmed two things to me. First, the work of ministering to temporal needs is vital and must continue. The second was unexpected, yet powerful and clear. It was this: beyond selfless service, it is supremely important to prepare the world for the Second Coming of the Lord Jesus Christ.”

First: Ministering to Temporal Needs

Richard J. Foster, a quaker theologian, described in his book, Streams of Living Water, six forms of ministry; one of which includes ministering to temporal needs. He called that form the Social Justice Stream. Citing extensively the prophet Amos, he connects the social justice tradition with the duty and responsibility of the Lord’s chosen people to seek justice and compassion for all God’s children. In the Church of Jesus Christ in the latter-days, this duty is summed up in the fourth mission of the church which commands disciples to “care for the poor and the needy.”

Christofferson also hints at a vital part of ministering to those who are suffering under oppression and poverty. Pastoral theology is Christian theology that considers religious truth in relation to spiritual needs. Pastors, then, are people who minister to the spiritual needs of those they minister to. When the church describes the importance of ministering to one another, I believe they are referencing the pastoral practice of listening to and observing the needs of those who are in need. Counseling with others is often part of this effort, but so is direct action. How often do visiting ministers (previously called home and visiting teachers) sit with church members to offer encouragement and reassurance that they can have confidence in their decision to choose hope, faith and charity to find joy in the hard times? Listening is only part of the role of a visiting minister.

As Dietrich Bonhoeffer stated,

“The first service one owes to others in a community involves listening to them. Just as our love for God begins with listening to God’s Word, the beginning of love for others is learning to listen to them. God’s love for us is shown by the fact that God not only gives God’s Word but also lends us God’s ear.“

In this way, the Spirit can inspire to know how to respond in love and service to help meet the temporal needs of those who are struggling in our ward communities.

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Pastoral, by Carlos Ebert. Used in accordance to (CC BY 2.0)




Beyond Selfless Service:

To repeat: “…beyond selfless service, it is supremely important to prepare the world for the Second Coming of the Lord Jesus Christ.”

Elder Christofferson hints at something quite interesting here, called Immanentizing the eschaton, which means trying to bring about the eschaton (the final, heaven-like stage of history) in the immanent world.The term is a critique of premillennialism, a belief that societal apathy and indifference to the state of the world will hasten the Lord’s Coming. Another theory that threatens to immanentize the eschaton is postmillennialism, which is the prideful assumption that the Millennium will be brought about the works of the righteous.

When I was involved in a research project at BYU, my team spent a good deal of time thinking about ways families have the power to heal the social ills of the world. In my naiveté, I asked the advising professor if there were any dangers in interventions that could bring about a better world, because, after all, don’t the signs of the times say that things must get worse before they can get better? What if by doing good, we are delaying Christ’s return?

Little did I know that I stumbled into the premillennialism vs. postmillennialism debate. After hearing and studying this talk, I believe that if Elder Christofferson were to err on either side of this debate, he would be advocating to immanentize the eschaton through a postmillennialist approach.

Based on the teachings of Christ: what is the ethical choice? What is God’s will? Is it to work for a better world and doing all we can (2 Nephi 25:23) to build Zion? Or to allow the world to languish and sin and wait for His Coming?

Second: Prepare the World for Christ’s Return  

Elder Christofferson’s second realization is a powerful one. He describes Christ’s promised related to the temporal world. The gospel does not just provide hope of a heavenly reward, but offers a guide to a better world. Christofferson lists the following promises:

When He comes, oppression and injustice will not only diminish; they will cease: 2 Nephi 21:6, 9; see also Isaiah 11:6, 9.
Poverty and suffering will not only decline; they will vanish: Revelation 7:16–17.
Even the pain and sorrow of death will be done away: Doctrine and Covenants 101:30–31.

Elder Christofferson, rather than focusing on the terror leading up to the events of the Second Coming, chose to focus on the promises for a better world. His talk offered hope and encouragement to the disciples of Christ, without discouraging us from working collaboratively and cooperatively to build Zion, to care for the poor and the needy, provide for individual’s temporal needs and address societal issues. In fact, Elder Christofferson encourages us to do all those things knowing that we will only make limited progress whereas Christ promises unlimited healing, justice and relief. We truly may waste and wear out our lives (D&C 121:13) doing good, but “we know that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do (2 Nephi 25:23).”

Christofferson ends his talk with:

And so, this Easter, let us truly celebrate the Resurrection of Jesus Christ and all that it portends: His return to reign for a thousand years of peace, a righteous judgment and perfect justice for all, the immortality of all who ever lived upon this earth, and the promise of eternal life. Christ’s Resurrection is the ultimate assurance that all will be put right. Let us be about building up Zion to hasten that day.

Guest Post: People Prefer Respect, Compassion, and Love

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By Louise

In the past 11 years, I’ve given thousands of hours to this church. I’ve attended meetings, I’ve prayed for inspiration, I’ve taught countless lessons, born my testimony, and paid tens of thousands of dollars in tithing to the betterment of the church. My husband and I held many callings, and there were times when we held multiple callings simultaneously because other members wouldn’t accept callings and things needed to get done. Our kids were dressed and ready for church early on Sunday mornings, and because my husband played the organ, we learned to be 20 minutes early to church, even when our ward met at 9am.

I’ve done my duty as a “good Mormon woman” should. I spoke out in big and small ways when things didn’t feel right. I held leadership callings, teacher callings, music callings, and ward missionary callings. I attended the temple, prayed for church leaders, and twice a year I prepared myself for general conference to receive light and knowledge from the heavens. I made food, delivered it, set up for activities, visited women and families, and completed food orders. I not only held family home evening religiously, we also instituted a daily morning devotional with our kids. We had church art in our home. I received many priesthood blessings from my worthy priesthood-holding husband.

Then I started having serious doubts about God’s love for me as a woman. Multiple scriptures and church history made me question my worth in God’s eyes. I felt a major disconnect between what men and women experience being members of this church. I talked to my considerate Bishop and he was compassionate and loving. He assured me that God did love me and that I would receive answers about Heavenly Mother. That assurance came true.

After that I was called into the Stake President’s office and although I was told I was loved, I was also told that women need to cover their bodies to help men. The Stake President told me he zoned out in our Relief Society meeting and didn’t hear some sexist comments that were made, that our Stake Relief Society President then added to, and I informed him that the comments deeply hurt some sisters who had been sexually abused. So I spoke up in the meeting in defense of women and men.

The meeting with my Stake President was to check on me after a couple of women who were in attendance during that Relief Society lesson and myself met with our Stake Relief Society President. She told us she didn’t hear things the way we did and finally after almost an hour conceded that what we heard had actually been said. The Stake President wanted me to know he cared, but basically he didn’t agree with me about what women are feeling. I had also written a letter that I never ended up sending to some leaders in the church about my feelings as a woman in the church and asking specific questions that I had been struggling with. He said he supported my decision to send the letter even though he did not fully understand my problems and agreed that answers needed to come from above him.

I had my husband attend this meeting with me because I didn’t know if I could do it alone. At the end my husband lovingly counseled the Stake President by telling him that church leaders need to listen more to the women of the church because they are hurting. I let him know that if women weren’t coming to him it wasn’t because they weren’t having problems, it was because they didn’t trust him and were afraid they would receive the response I had received. I knew this because women were trusting me with their hard feelings regarding church.

We got a new Bishop and my spiritual life needed a break from church. I felt assured God wanted me to feel love, and at this point I was feeling so hurt at church that I needed a breather. I needed to heal my relationship with God. I asked my new Bishop to release me from my calling. I told him I just needed a break. He called me in for a conversation, telling my husband (his secretary) he was concerned I was “disconnecting” from church. I told him he didn’t need to worry, but that I just needed a break and I didn’t need to “worry.”

In truth what I needed was love, compassion, understanding, and patience. Instead, I was met with his lengthy testimony, his descriptions of “things I would not believe” that had strengthened his testimony, and his defiant stance that I was not doing God’s will, that God wouldn’t tell me to take a break. The audacity of this Bishop to tell a person (a woman) that she doesn’t understand what God is telling her is outrageous.

I left that meeting (very loudly) telling him that I wouldn’t be coming to church the following week, not because of that particular meeting, but because I didn’t feel like I was trusted as a woman in this church. Five weeks following that, he let me know he had revoked my temple recommend because he didn’t think that if he asked me the questions right now that I’d be able to answer all of them in the affirmative. I want to clarify that he didn’t ask me the temple recommend questions; he just assumed the answers. My recommend would not have expired for another year. It turned out that the Stake President had a meeting with him to discuss me, and he told the Bishop to revoke my recommend and not tell me about it. One point goes to my Bishop for actually letting me know so that I wouldn’t be embarrassed showing up to the temple in a couple of months for a family wedding.

A week after that they moved the records of one of my ministering sisters to a different ward boundary and then removed the other one from my list. They did not think I could give her the spiritual support that she might need (even though both she and I had stated that we were happy with our arrangement). I had just given emotional and physical support to their family in the previous month. As I mentioned above, I have always done my visiting teaching, nearly impeccably. I don’t just mean that I went visiting teaching. I mean that I became friends with my sisters, and if I could tell that over time we were not the right fit, I let the Relief Society President know so that she could provide a better fit. In contrast, during all the years I have been a member of the church, the amount of times I have actually been visited, let alone given the support I needed through visiting teachers has been meager. Instead of talking to me or assigning a more active woman to my route to serve with me, they decided to sever that connection to the ward and to let me know after the fact.

Now I really have no plans to go back to church. I don’t feel welcome. I don’t feel loved. I feel ostracized. I feel even more spiritually and emotionally hurt. Ironically, this witnesses to me even more that my break for healing was very much needed. My answer was, in fact, right for me.

Given my experience over the past year, here’s a list of 10 “don’t’s” and 10 “do’s” when trying to fellowship a Latter-day Saint who is struggling with church:

1. Don’t believe your testimony is the thing that will make someone stay at church. Don’t bear your testimony. Even though you may be feeling something strongly, they may not be, and it isn’t compassionate and won’t necessarily help them feel loved.

2. Don’t question answers someone else receives from God. We believe in personal revelation, not impersonal revelation. We don’t all receive the same guidance because we are unique children of God.

3. Don’t constantly ask the spouse of a person who isn’t attending how the person is doing. Communicate directly with the person. Send a text. Call them.

4. This one is specifically for men: just because a woman shows her emotions, this does not mean she isn’t inspired. If her emotions make you uncomfortable, it isn’t the “Spirit” withdrawing, it is your ego being uncomfortable. Work through that on your own; don’t take it out on her.

5. If you make someone upset, apologize. Show love. Offer forgiveness.

6. Don’t take away a temple recommend or ministering route from a person who is having a hard time. You don’t know when their hard moment will pass, and this is very damaging.

7. Don’t avoid talking to them them if they attend church once in a while, or if they start attending again. In other words, try your best to make them feel comfortable in what is likely a very awkward situation for them.

8. “Tough love” is OUT. We don’t accept that anymore, because it’s actually not love. It’s disrespect.

9. Don’t judge. (Because seriously, you may end up there one day and you’ll want the good karma flowing your way.)

10. Don’t say you love them if you don’t actually feel it. We all know what it’s like to hear those words and not feel them.

Instead, here’s a list of 10 things that may help someone in a faith crisis:

1. Offer love.

2. Drop off treats. Leave them at the door. A little note is nice too.

3. If you do meet with the person, think of a part of your life that you can connect with them on. Not as a way of pacifying or trying to change the subject because you’re uncomfortable, but because you can genuinely, in some way, understand.

4. If you can’t understand, don’t judge. Just listen and love.

5. Offer to give a hug.

6. Ask the spouse (if they have one) how they are doing. Don’t assume that the spouse who is still attending is doing well or is admirable. You don’t know how they’re feeling or where their testimony is.

7. Compliment them.

8. Tell them you love them.

9. Thank them for their contributions to your life, your family’s life, and to the ward.

10. Let them know you still want them in your life because of the love you genuinely feel for them.

If you want people to stay in the church, you have to offer them respect, compassion, and love. Jesus does. God (She/He) does. Grace does.

 

Louise is a happy woman. She chooses to spend her time with her husband, children, with God, and learning.

 

[Photo by Nick Fewing]

Guest Post: Fly Free

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By Tiffany Sanderson

If you want to witness the Patriarchal Wound in action, take yourself to any theater in Utah County, Utah.

Two nights ago, my family and I had the privilege of attending a community production of Les Miserables. (It was extremely well done. My compliments to all involved!) This particular theater in Alpine, Utah, is quite old. It’s small, but the seats are arranged such that there is plenty of space for bodies to move between rows, with only minor adjustments from those already seated.

We arrived about fifteen minutes early and sat visiting together before curtain. As we were waiting, I began to notice a pattern of behavior from those still filtering into the theater.

A woman would arrive at her designated row, pause to locate her seat, and then begin to shuffle down the row of seats. As she shuffled by, she would apologize profusely, and repeatedly. “Sorry! Sorry! So sorry!” Every woman, without fail, apologized for walking past us.

A man would arrive at his row, pause to locate his seat, and as he shuffled by, he’d smile politely. Every man, without fail, was comfortable taking up space.

This experience is generally consistent with my trips to any of the public spaces I’ve visited near my home, in the nearly twenty years I’ve lived here. Women in pretty much any crowded area always apologize for occupying space, but it’s easily observable in a theater setting.

It reminds me of a Women’s Circle I had the privilege of facilitating last August. I had been invited to facilitate with an incredible group of leaders and was asked to focus on opening the heart chakra through an experience, for my portion of the Circle. I had prepared myself with big words of introduction, undoubtedly meant to stir and inspire the group, but which I can no longer recall.

During the Circle, as I got up to introduce my experience, my inner knowing took over. I found myself off script, asking the women what sorts of things they find themselves apologizing for. I was blown away by the answers. Among them: Breathing. Eating. Not being enough. Being too much. Being too loud. Being too quiet. Taking time for themselves. The way they look. The shapes and sizes of their bodies. Taking up space. And the BIG ONE: existing!

Let that sink in. Women often feel the need to apologize for their existence.

I told these women, as I will tell all women: you do not have to apologize for existing! Things that require apology: when you’ve done harm to a person physically, mentally, emotionally, or energetically, or damaged their property; or when you’ve caused harm to any life. Nothing else requires apology! NOTHING else requires you to be “Sorry! Sorry! So sorry!”

Practice taking up space without feeling sorry for doing it. Shuffle politely down aisles, confident that you, as a resident of planet Earth, are worthy of taking up space on this incredible planet.

Fill your lungs with glorious air, giving yourself permission to breath, and exhale knowing the sound of your breath is the sound of the miracle of life in motion.

Fill your stomach with sumptuous food, knowing you’re allowed to take up space and are not required to make yourself smaller to please others. Give yourself permission and time to savor every bite. You are allowed to eat food for any reason. All forms of hunger are valid. Honor your body and feed it what it asks for.

Run and jump and play with your people. Hike and swim and nap and work, relishing the gift that is your body. Marvel at its ability to do what you need it to. Your body is a good body in every shape, at any size, because it faithfully carries you through this life. Stop apologizing for it! Live in it and love it.

Be confident that you are an excellent arbiter for your voice, as the only one with actual experience using it. As such, you’re the only one truly qualified to determine what level of sound, and which words, are appropriate at any given moment. Don’t ever allow anyone to make you feel small for having the nerve to use your own voice. Be as loud, or as quiet, as you damn well please. How you look is exactly right. No one else looks exactly as you do. No one. Your uniqueness is so ridiculously beautiful, it’s difficult to comprehend. As you fall in love with your self each day, relishing this gift of life, you’ll find that fears about how you look will fade into the background. How you look to others is just not as important as who you are. Let yourself fall in love with every splotch, freckle, mole, and scar. Admire the ways in which the expression of your light shows on the outside. Turn up the shine, because your light is needed in this world of dark corners. You are perfectly, stunningly, incredibly made in Her image, a solitary specimen of what womanhood looks like. You need not ever apologize for that.

You are worthy of your time, and as deserving of it as anyone in your life. Never apologize for taking time for yourself, and do not wait until you’re in crisis to feel as though you’ve “earned” the right to some of it. Your well being matters as much as anyone’s.

Sisters, I release you from apologizing for self. Release yourselves from a cage constructed to keep you captive in your own mind, and fly free!

Tiffany is an advocate for self empowerment and healing, fermenter of foods, writer of streams of consciousness, lover of the human race, and keeper of the old ways, from Lehi, Utah. 

Sacred Music Sunday: Shall We Gather at the River?

One of my favorite books of scripture is the book of Revelation. People tend to look at me funny when I say that because it has kind of a reputation as being the book of death and destruction. In other languages, it’s called “Apocalypse”, which really just means “Revelation”, but the word apocalypse has come to signify mayhem, chaos, and the end of life as we know it. I see the book, however, in the same light as superhero movies. There’s an epic battle between good and evil, which does include some death and destruction, but in the end, good wins.

And after good wins, the righteous get to rest.

And he shewed me a pure river of water of life, clear as crystal, proceeding out of the throne of God and of the Lamb.

In the midst of the street of it, and on either side of the river, was there the tree of life, which bare twelve manner of fruits, and yielded her fruit every month: and the leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations.

And there shall be no more curse: but the throne of God and of the Lamb shall be in it; and his servants shall serve him:

And they shall see his face; and his name shall be in their foreheads.

And there shall be no night there; and they need no candle, neither light of the sun; for the Lord God giveth them light: and they shall reign for ever and ever.

Revelation 22:1-5

[image error]Baptism at the Jordan River – Wikimedia Commons

So, as much as the book of Revelation contains destruction and mayhem, I still see it as a story of hope for a better world. One hymn that I love that really captures the rest that the righteous await is Shall We Gather at the River?. I first became acquainted with this hymn back in the summer of 2000. I was in a choir that was preparing for an international tour, and this was one of the songs we were going to sing. We spent weeks rehearsing it. It ended up getting cut from the program, but it stuck with me. The line “Soon we’ll reach the shining river. Soon our pilgrimage will cease.” has gotten me through many trials in life that have seemed endless at the time.

Can you Trust in the Character of God?

Throughout my faith transition I have had to wrestle with the construct of “God” in an entirely new way. In my childhood, and throughout my time as a traditionally believing Mormon, I was taught to see God as a Father figure. Stern, but loving, omniscient, omnipotent. I heard testimonies that God loves each of us and is involved in the details of our lives. I heard testimonies that God gives us trials to teach us certain things. I heard testimonies that God gives trials to others to teach us things. I heard testimonies that we are God’s chosen people and have more of the truth than anyone else. That our religion was the most correct on earth. That God chose special prophets to lead us and that we are to be obedient and not question or speak ill of those leaders. I was taught to fear and love that God. I was not taught anything about my mother. In the midst of all the things taught about Him, nothing was said of her stewardship. I was left longing for a mother and knowing nothing about her. 

My first major ‘crisis’ of faith was triggered by a rhetorical question I read somewhere. I can’t recall the specifics, but it was something like “Do you really believe God would do x, y, and z?” And I absolutely didn’t. There are so many things in the scriptures, such as genocide in the Old Testament, or stories in our Latter-day-Saint history, such as keeping priesthood and temple blessings from people of color, that I just can’t believe God had anything to do with. More recently, the policy that excluded children of gay parents from baptism, which was then rescinded. Church leaders talk about these things like they were all from God. But I can’t believe in that God. In a God who would do these things. I found that to maintain any belief in any kind of God, I would have to put the blame for those evil acts elsewhere.

Things like genocide, racism, homophobia, exclusion – these are not of God. I can’t believe in a God who is not good. And I can’t believe God is the author of these things. Who, then, is responsible for the evil? And for the evil being played out among the ‘chosen people’ of God? I have come to accept the conclusion that many come to; that the scriptures are written by men and show their viewpoint of God. People may believe that God destroyed an entire race of people to give them place, that God is a god of retribution, who fights their battles for them and punishes their enemies. They may hold those beliefs sacred. People may believe that God punishes entire races of people for the ‘wrongs done by their ancestors’ or ‘wrongs done before this life’ and keeps them from blessings. But for me, I can not believe those things. And I won’t try anymore. I need God to be good. I can now dismiss anyone who says that God is the author of evil.

I also have to believe that if God is good, I won’t be punished for what I can’t believe. I spent two and a half years praying, fasting, studying, scripture reading, and pleading with God to give me a testimony of the church. It never came. When I finally changed my prayer, I felt peace almost immediately. The prayer was, “Is it okay to step away from this? It is causing me too much pain.” The peace was such a contrast from the unrest and intense work I had been doing. I knew my mental health could not withstand that wrestle for the rest of my life. So I had to make the difficult choice to step away from the religion of my childhood. I occasionally had relapses where I feared that I was throwing away my ‘eternal salvation’ because I stopped attending church. In my new studies, I found that was likely the result of phobia indoctrination. It gradually came back less and less and grew less intense.

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My family did not handle the news well. They said I was “deceived by Satan”, “wandering toward the great and spacious building”. That ‘all my family’ and so many ‘ancestors knew the truth’, and ‘did I think I knew better than all of them?’. They never asked what I had been through or what I had been doing to try to find the truth. That I had read thousands of pages and spent night after night on my knees. They said it was because my husband was too busy with his calling and didn’t pay attention to me. They said it was because I was selfish, and that I was hurting my family. They said I had been deceived by feminist ideas and science. That I was studying things I shouldn’t (i.e. church history from uncorrelated sources).

The church was the source of the idea I had that conflated God with church, church with church leaders, and church leaders with obedience. The leaders were the ones that said God wanted things a certain way and we need to be patient and find out the reasons in the next life. But it seems clear to me now that church leaders have simply made mistakes, and they blamed them on God because they couldn’t admit they were wrong. Or they couldn’t admit what they thought God was saying was really their own prejudices.

I could be totally wrong about everything. I could be making a mistake I will regret for eternity. I will try to hold space for that, because I also want believers to hold space for me, that maybe I am right. Maybe God never commanded those things. I hope believers will agree with me that God is good. That God is love. That God doesn’t punish people for their pain and suffering. I need to believe that if there is a God, that God is restorative and healing, rather than punitive and exclusionary.

When the prophet teaches that we need to get our houses in order because the end is near, are you full of fear or hope? Are you perhaps worried about loved ones who have ‘left the fold’? If you are, please try to trust in the goodness of God. I don’t think God would try to separate anyone from their families and loved ones. I don’t think God intends to separate the majority of people who ever lived on the earth from their families because they didn’t go to a certain building and participate in certain rituals. I don’t think God intends to punish people who left the church because it brought them more pain than joy. What kind of God can you believe in? Can trusting in the character of that God bring you peace and joy?

Book Review: I Gave Her a Name

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April 2019

By LMA

I have written on the blog about my experience reading Rachel Hunt Steenblik’s poems for the first time. I wrote that reading her poems was like finding water in the desert, and it still is. One of the major reasons for this is my relationship with my mom. I’m not able to have almost any contact with my mom, and it’s one of the most delicate, excruciating, and devastating things that’s happened to me. I’m not able to call her for help, just to talk, or to feel comforted, and connected, and safe. Not having that ability or choice creates a wound so painful and that there aren’t words for it. Because of that, developing and being comforted by my connection to Heavenly Mother and other women around me is one of the most precious resources I have.

There are so many important themes that are explored in the lovely book “I Gave Her a Name.” Here are a few that brought me so much comfort and connection to myself and to Heavenly Mother:

Theme 1: Heavenly Mother is multifaceted and complex, and embodies dialectical and opposing traits. This is one of the things I loved most about how Heavenly Mother is represented in this book. The poems make clear Heavenly Mother is not just one thing, and she embodies multiple opposing traits and characteristics at any given moment. For example, Heavenly Mother simultaneously embodies both profound power and softness. In the poem “Her Brightness and Glory,” (p. 58), it says she “is total brightness, then darkness, then brightness again.” In addition, Heavenly Mother is also powerful, assertive, brave, and directive (see What Lin Taught Me, p. 14) and at the same time, also extremely delicate and gentle (see Somewhere to Lay His Head, p. 55). I love this because different children and different circumstances require Heavenly Mother to use and exercise different traits in our behalf. Sometimes she needs to be very power-assertive and directive in helping protect and attend to her children. Sometimes she needs to be very soft and delicate. The poems in “I Gave Her a Name” illustrate how she embodies both, and does so with confidence and self-assurance.

Theme 2: Heavenly Mother embodies human traits, emotions, and experiences. The poems describe in such beautiful detail how even though Heavenly Mother has so much power beyond being human, She is also human just like we are. The poems describe how Heavenly Mother knows loss and pain and happiness and joy and all of the human traits, emotions, and experiences that we have. The poems about emotions in particular are lovely. For example, the poems make clear Heavenly Mother experiences emotions such as being scared (see Stoic Mother, p. 65), crying (see The God Who Weeps, p. 125; The Mother Cried Power, p. 126; How Heavens Weep, p. 136; Why Heavens Weep, p. 137; What Lisa Taught Me, p. 137), and feeling anger and rage (see On Female Anger, p. 12; What Laurel Taught Me, p. 126; What Rebecca Ann Taught Me, p. 128; Moon Mother, p. 173).

In addition, the poems
and artwork also describe how Heavenly Mother experiences some of the most
vulnerable, delicate, and powerful parts of having a body. For example, the
poem “Space” beautifully talks about Heavenly Mother’s love for her growing and
changing body:

Space

The mother is not afraid of
Her growing body,
Her still swollen breasts, 
Her soft belly.
She knows 
She deserves to 
take up space.

She knows
Her space
brought forth
the world. 

The poems also describe other delicate and vulnerable human experiences. For example, Heavenly Mother knows about the pain of being sexually assaulted and the ways she’ll respond when that happens (have a tissue ready and see She’ll Say, p. 83). She also knows what it’s like to be cast out and alone in the wilderness (see Exile, p. 264). The poems also talk about the places in her body Heavenly Mother holds her experiences and what’s happened to her, and also what’s happened to us (see Where She Carries, p. 168). Heavenly Mother knows our bodies hold infinite wisdom and information about what’s happened to her, and also what’s happened to us.

Theme 3: Heavenly Mother caretakes us is so many varied, individual, intricate, and intimate ways. “I Gave Her a Name” also beautifully describes how Heavenly Mother caretakes all of her children. This illustrates her creativity, flexibility, directiveness, practicality, and consistency. In her caretaking, Heavenly Mother calls attention to others’ pain and those who are forgotten, such as women, mothers, women who aren’t mothers (either by choice or not by choice), refugees, immigrants, widows, orphans, strangers, and others (see The Unseen Mother, p. 29; The Unheard Mother, p. 135; Blood Issues, p. 143). She is political. She sees and bears witness to mother and child separation, and she sends angels to minister to mothers and their babies, and people to fight for them (see She Witnesses, p. 63). She makes it clear she would “cross any border, She would climb any wall, She would do anything for Her children” (see What Karim Taught Me, p. 63).

The poems also demonstrate Heavenly Mother does and values doing the day-to-day things that bring us comfort and safety, such as keeping watch while we sleep and greeting us before and after bed (see The Lamplighter, p. 46), checking her notifications many times a day to see if we’ve called/texted/reached out (see To See if We’ve Called, p. 26), and putting Paw Patrol bandaids on our scraped knees (see She Succors the Weak, p. 17). She will even send proxies to help us, for example, someone to clean us up and comfort us in her place (e.g., giving us a sip of water, a popsicle (see Proxies, p. 29).

In addition, one of the primary ways Heavenly Mother caretakes us is through comforting and being soft and gentle with our pain. Heavenly Mother sits with and comforts everyone (e.g., with outcasts, those who are dying, those who are in labor; see What Margaret Taught Me, p. 28). She goes with us places (see Of a Good Courage, p. 78) and she knows all of our stories (see Well-Behaved Women, p. 62). When she can’t go with us places, she blesses us and offers comfort (see What Steven Taught Me, p. 88). When things are desperate, she leaves her throne and comes down to us (see What Joe and Gina Taught Me, p. 138).

Theme 4: We are intimately connected as women to each other, and to our Heavenly Mother in lovely, intricate ways. The poems and the artwork in “I Gave Her a Name beautifully describe the intimate and comforting connections we have as women to one another, and also to our Heavenly Mother. These connections begin inside ourselves, and then to our earthly mother, and all the way back to Eve inside Heavenly Mother (see Matryoshka Dolls, p. 34, Mother Lines, p. 35). We are also connected to Heavenly Mother through our DNA (see What Heidi Taught Me, p. 37) and through nature and the Earth, which are Heavenly Mother (see “The/Her,” p. 40).

The connections between us as people and as women are demonstrated by the lovely paintings by Ashley Mae Hoiland. For example, the artwork includes women of varying ages (e.g., p. 158, 262), body sizes (e.g., p. 141, 161, 237, 241, 266, 269), and even generations. Some of the artwork includes pioneer women and our foremothers (e.g., p. 164 and 167). The artwork also depicts lovely scenes of animals and in nature, such as birds (p. 169) and the earth and moon (e.g., p. 116)

I cannot recommend this lovely book enough. I hope when you read it you feel safe and comforted and empowered and connected to yourself, others, and Heavenly Mother.

What are the themes and poems that spoke to you? How
did it make you feel?

For a bulleted list of the poems according to the themes discussed in this review, please click here.