Exponent II's Blog, page 211

Sacred Music Sunday: I Saw a Mighty Angel Fly

[image error]Angel Moroni atop the Albuquerque temple. Photo credit – Dick Thompson

Most of the hymns I select for this series are general Christian hymns that I love but that aren’t familiar to a wider LDS audience. However, today I’m sharing a very Mormon hymn – I Saw a Mighty Angel Fly. It’s part of what I call the “restoration genre” of hymns – songs that speak uniquely to the restoration of the gospel. This one comes out of the book of Revelation.

“And I saw another angel fly in the midst of heaven, having the everlasting gospel to preach unto them that dwell on the earth, and to every nation, and kindred, and tongue, and people, Saying with a loud voice, ‘Fear God, and give glory to him; for the hour of his judgment is come: and worship him that made heaven, and earth, and the sea, and the fountains of waters.'”

Revelation 14:6-7

The tune is peppy and upbeat and very catchy. When I was taking the bar exam, this song was stuck in my head the whole time. In many European countries, the tune is used to sing O Little Town of Bethlehem, which gives it a very different feel than the tune used in the US.

The scripture verse in Revelation got me thinking – what is the everlasting gospel? Gospel means “good news”, and given that Moroni is the one doing the preaching of it, I think it’s safe to say that whatever the everlasting gospel is, it’s contained within the Book of Mormon.

The Book of Mormon is a Christ-filled, grace-filled book. There’s no checklist of righteousness in its pages. It doesn’t prescribe a specific career, family structure, socioeconomic status, language, sex, gender, or anything else. It reminds us that “all are alike unto God”[1], the grace of Christ is sufficient to save us [2], and that when we try to add extraneous requirements to the gospel and call it the gospel, we are placing ourselves in peril. [3]

So the next time I see the statue of Moroni on top of the temple, I’m going to use it as a reminder to get back to the basics of the gospel – the grace and mercy of Jesus Christ.

[1] 2 Nephi 26:33
[2] see Moroni 10:32; 2 Nephi 10:24-25,
[3] see 3 Nephi 11:32-40; 3 Nephi 27:13-16

Relief Society Lesson — Christ: The Light that Shines in Darkness by Sharon Eubank

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Intro:  

Sharon Eubank is 1st counselor in RS General Presidency and also the director of LDS charities. She begins her talk by saying that one day she was in her office in the RS building and for the first time she can remember, the temple lights didn’t go on at dusk. She uses that as a guiding metaphor for this talk: Sometimes we see dark where we expect to see light. Sometimes our lights get dim. Exhaustion, grief, feeling isolated take away our light. For Eubank, when our lights get dim, Christ can give us his light to be our best, most grounded, most authentic selves.

I thought this metaphor of darkness and light was great. Have you had experiences of seeing dark when you expected to see light? How did you cope? Were you able to overcome the dark?

Sometimes We are So Tired:

Eubank mentions that sometimes we’re just really tired. Exhaustion can dim our lights.

Read quote: “Elder Jeffrey R. Holland said: “It is not intended that we run faster than we have strength. … But [in spite of] that, I know … many of you run [very,] very fast and that [the] energy and emotional supply sometimes registers close to empty.” When expectations overwhelm us, we can step back and ask Heavenly Father what to let go of. Part of our life experience is learning what not to do. But even so, sometimes life can be exhausting. Jesus assures us, “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”

Exhaustion is real. There have been times I’ve felt so unexcited by life, so unenthused. When I had young kids the constant never-ending labor was so hard. The day my first kid stopped napping, he was 2. My husband was a clerk at church, and he had long meetings. This Sunday I had been trying to put him down and then this utter horror overcame me as I realized he wasn’t going to go down and I wasn’t going to get a break from him. Just started crying for half an hour and couldn’t stop. Mike got home and had to take me on a car ride to get me to stop crying.

So sometimes we’re just tired and it is hard to do what we need to do. Holland and Eubank mention that Christ gives us rest. 1) Do you have experience in finding rest in Christ?  What was that process like? 2) What else have you learned to do to give yourself the energy to get up and do what you need to do? How do you replenish yourself? 

Some of us Feel we don’t Fit the Traditional Mold

Read quote: “For various reasons, we don’t feel accepted or acceptable. The New Testament shows the great efforts Jesus made to reach out to all kinds of people: lepers, tax collectors, children, Galileans, harlots, women, Pharisees, sinners, Samaritans, widows, Roman soldiers, adulterers, the ritually unclean. In almost every story, he is reaching someone who wasn’t traditionally accepted in society.”

This is the part of Christianity that I love best and that I find most inspiring — that Jesus was this wonderful model of reaching beyond social tiers and categories, of finding goodness and acceptability in all these people and identities that were traditionally considered impure or less than. He was a man who would violate purity laws of the time by eating with, touching, talking to those considered less pure.

What are your thoughts about this example Jesus has set, of reaching out to those not generally accepted. Is this something that resonates with you? What are your experiences with reaching out to people who aren’t traditionally accepted? Thoughts? Fears? Worthwhile experience?

When I was the humanitarian person in this ward, I got us involved in Family Promise, an organization that helps feed and house homeless families. It involved our ward eating with and hanging out with people who are homeless. I’m not an extrovert, so it takes some emotional energy for me to do small talk with people I don’t know in big groups. I love having great intimate conversations with friends in small groups – my favorite thing in the world. But it’s harder for me to do with strangers. But that was a really worthwhile experience for me. It stretched me and opened up my eyes to the struggles the working poor in our community are facing.

Eubank tells the New Testament story of the tax collector Zacchaeus.

Read quote: “He climbed a tree in order to see Jesus walk by. Zacchaeus was employed by the Roman government and viewed as corrupt and a sinner. Jesus saw him up in the tree and called to him, saying, “Zacchaeus, make haste, and come down; for to day I must abide at thy house.”5 And when Jesus saw the goodness of Zacchaeus’s heart and the things he did for others, He accepted his offering, saying, “This day is salvation come to this house, [for] he also is a son of Abraham.”

I liked this story because it’s a story of Jesus being there for people no matter where they are at. He’s not saying. “Zacchaeus, I’m only coming to your house if you give up your nasty profession.” No he’s coming anyway, even though Z was seen as impure, traitorous, unholy. And he’s saying to everyone, “This guy’s going to get salvation. I’m claiming him.” So for me, this is a story not only of reaching out beyond the barriers but also Jesus working with us where we are at. Wherever that is.  We may not be perfect, we may not be doing things that are not all that great, maybe even we’re participating in systems that are really quite abusive and messed up. But Jesus is still here to claim us. It reminds me of that famous quote by Abby (Dear Abby): “The church is a hospital for sinners, not a museum for saints.”

What are your thoughts about this idea? Do you feel like Jesus is willing to reach out to you where you are at?  Or do you feel like you have to be a certain level of good before Jesus does. What can we do to get to a place where we can believe that Jesus is there for us where we’re at, no matter our weaknesses and faults and bad decisions?

Turn to person next to you and tell her your favorite Jesus story and why it’s your favorite. Share with the class.

Some of us Are Splintering With Questions

As someone who has a lot of questions, I really appreciated the vulnerability and honesty it took for Eubank to admit to millions of people that she’s had big, heavy religious questions and that she’s struggled with and weighed down by.

Read quote: “Not many years ago, I was weighed down and irritated with questions I could not find answers to. Early one Saturday morning, I had a little dream. In the dream I could see a gazebo, and I understood that I should go stand in it. It had five arches encircling it, but the windows were made of stone. I complained in the dream, not wanting to go inside because it was so claustrophobic. Then the thought came into my mind that the brother of Jared had patiently melted stones into clear glass. Glass is stone that has undergone a state change. When the Lord touched the stones for the brother of Jared, they glowed with light in the dark ships. Suddenly I was filled with a desire to be in that gazebo more than any other place. It was the very place—the only place—for me to truly “see.” The questions that were bothering me didn’t go away, but brighter in my mind was the question after I woke up: “How are you going to increase your faith, like the brother of Jared, so your stones can be turned into light?””

I like this on a few levels.

 I like that she had personal revelation and that helped her to reframe things. This is a story of a woman’s revelation.
I like that admitted that her questions didn’t get resolved (very realistic).  And she didn’t beat herself up for having the questions. Uchtdorf said, “In this Church that honors personal agency so strongly, that was restored by a young man who asked questions and sought answers, we respect those who honestly search for truth.”
I like that this was a story about learning to reframe things, a valuable skill in life. There were these stone walls not allowing her to see. But she realized she had the power to change those stones into glass. This was a dream about one’s potential for new vision and new understanding.

How have you dealt with your questions? Have you learned to live graciously with your questions? Have you been able to change stones to windows? What has been your reframing process?

My reframing process has involved becoming more of a pragmatist as I’ve aged. Of course there are problems. Of course people/church leaders/prophets aren’t perfect. Of course our systems and programs aren’t always ideal. There are no perfect people or organizations on earth anywhere. For example, I used to be really bothered by things Paul said about women in the New Testament. Now I think, “Of course he said that. How could I expect anything else from a man in a first century context who was socialized into oppressive patriarchy and probably couldn’t even begin to envision things differently?”

Conclusion

I wanted to end with this nice quote by Eubank:

“I testify you are beloved. The Lord knows how hard you are trying. You are making progress. Keep going. He sees all your hidden sacrifices and counts them to your good and the good of those you love. Your work is not in vain. You are not alone.”

My hope is that, echoing Eubank, we can come to understand that we’re not alone, that we are seen, that we matter, that perfection isn’t the focus, progress and learning is.  I hope that Jesus and his example of love that meets us where we’re at can bring us hope and peace. Grateful to you for your stories and insights.

 

 

 

“Ye Devour Widows Houses”

 

“ There was in a city a judge which feared not God, neither regarded man.

And there was a widow in that city, and she came unto him, saying: Avenge me of mine adversary. And he would not for a while, but afterward he said within himself: Though I fear not God, nor regard man, yet because this widow troubleth me I will avenge her, lest by her continual coming she weary me.”  (D&C 101:82-84)

[image error]Earlier this month, the church announced a new policy of leniency for couples under certain circumstances to be allowed to have a wedding outside the temple, in order to include immediate family members who would not otherwise be able to attend. It is unclear how this policy will play out in various circumstances, but I applaud this step to include family members in celebrating the marital union of the new couple. This was one of my top issues I had hoped to see changed. But a bigger issue I see surrounding sealings is how widows are punished in the church.

 

Is there any doubt God loves the widows? Consider the following scriptures:

“Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world.” (James 1:27)

“Plead for the widow.” (Isaiah 1:17)

 “Ye shall not afflict any widow.” (Exodus 22:22)

“Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye devour widows’ houses, and for a pretence make long prayer: therefore ye shall receive the greater damnation.” (Matthew 23:14)

 

I assume God loves the widowers just as much, though that is not specifically mentioned in scripture. However, in church sealing policy, widowers are very well looked after while widows are not. Even deceased men are granted greater privilege in sealing policy over deceased women. Here is a comparison of the policies from Handbook 1:

Unequal Sealing Policies

Living Men

Living Women

“If a husband and wife have been sealed and the wife dies, the man may have another woman sealed to him if she is not already sealed.”

“If a husband and wife have been sealed and later divorced, the man must receive a sealing clearance from the First Presidency before another woman may be sealed to him. (A sealing clearance is necessary even if the previous sealing has been canceled.)”

“A living woman may be sealed to only one husband. If she is sealed to a husband and later divorced, she must receive a cancellation of that sealing from the First Presidency before she may be sealed to another man in her lifetime.”

 

Children born to a man and his second sealed wife are sealed to both parents

Children born to a woman and a second husband are not sealed to both parents

“Children who are born after their mother has been sealed to a husband in a temple are born in the covenant of that sealing. They do not need to receive the ordinance of sealing to parents. Being born in the covenant entitles children to an eternal parentage, depending on their faithfulness.”

“If a woman who has been sealed to a former husband remarries, the children of her later marriage are born in the covenant of the first marriage unless they were born after the sealing was canceled or after it was revoked due to excommunication or name removal.”

Deceased Men

Deceased Women

“A deceased man may have sealed to him all women to whom he was legally married during his life if they are deceased or if they are living and not sealed to another man.”

 

“A deceased woman may be sealed to all men to whom she was legally married during her life. However, if she was sealed to a husband during her life, all her husbands must be deceased before she can be sealed to a husband to whom she was not sealed during life.”

Living men and women who have lost a spouse have unequal opportunities in subsequent unions. A widower has the privilege to be sealed to all the wives he loves and marries. Even if he marries a series of women who all pass away, he can still be sealed to each subsequent wife. By contrast, a widow must cancel her sealing to her beloved deceased husband in order to be permitted to be sealed to a second or subsequent husband. Her hope and joy in her relationships is circumscribed to just one eternal union.

Children born to sealed parents are born in the covenant. Thus children born to a man and his second sealed wife, will be born in the covenant of that sealing; children automatically sealed to both biological parents. But because a woman cannot be sealed to a second spouse, children born to her and her second husband will for some reason be born in the covenant of the sealing of the woman with her first husband. (It’s as if the policy was written to help a man acquire as many women and children as possible, even after he dies.) The only way for a second husband to be sealed to his own children is if the wife is able to obtain a cancellation of the first and be sealed to him before bearing any children. If she has had a child with the first husband, a sealing cancellation is unlikely.

Even after death, the sealing inequality still disfavors women. The family of a deceased man may perform sealings for him to all of the wives he wedded in life, including to living women if they were not sealed to anyone else. The family of a deceased woman may only have her sealed to all the husbands she married in life after all the men have died. This is the only way a woman can be sealed to more than one man: after she is dead (and both husbands are dead).

If family members will eventually be able to seal a woman to multiple spouses after death, why afflict widows with the burden of choosing between husbands? This heartbreaking decision was thrust upon a widowed relative. She married young, to a man suffering from cancer. They were sealed in the temple and he passed away from his illness just over a year later. There were no children.

After a couple years of mourning, she began dating again. Ultimately, she fell in love with another man and they wanted to be sealed. He had never been married. She then learned that she would have to cancel her sealing to her first husband in order to be able to go to the temple and be sealed to her new love. She had to apply to the First Presidency for cancellation of a sealing that she didn’t want cancelled. She still loved him.

The family of the deceased husband was consulted. Imagine how they felt. Their young deceased son would have his sealing blessings cancelled posthumously by no fault of his own, merely because he died young. Imagine how she felt, a young woman of 24, facing a lifetime of being sealed to a deceased husband and only civilly married to her second. Imagine how the second husband felt, wanting his wife and potential future children to be sealed to him and not the deceased husband. The approval came through just days before the planned wedding. The day was bitter sweet.

This policy also perpetuates a ‘sad heaven’ model. It creates a situation where never-married men are disincentivized from even considering dating, much less marrying, previously sealed widows – because their potential future children will be automatically be sealed to her first husband. According to the policy, no matter how righteous the second husband is, he would not have the privilege of being sealed to his own biological children, unless his wife is willing and able to get a cancellation of her previous sealing, and clearance from the First Presidency for a second sealing. Without this, the children can’t be sealed to their own biological father, but will be connected to a deceased man whom they never met. Worst of all, a woman can never be sealed to both of her beloved husbands during her own lifetime and must suffer the heartbreak of not being sealed to one of the men she married. Either petitioning for separation from the deceased, or foregoing sealing to the second.

I have heard several men, speaking as general authorities in conference, bear testimony that they will be able to be sealed to both of their wives in the next life; one who is deceased, as well as the new one to who they are also currently sealed and wedded. It makes me sick to my stomach to hear these men praise God in gratitude for his goodness in letting them have both their beloved wives in the hereafter; while at the same time, these men are keeping widows from having the same privilege. It is an easy solution. Just change the policies for widows to be the same as the policies for widowers. If we ‘don’t know how it will work out’ anyway, why punish widows and their potential mates now? God will work it out. He loves the widows.

A sampler of life right now.

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By LMA

May 2019

I’ve written on the blog before about my mental health background and the work I do in therapy. I have pretty severe complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD). In my therapy work, I spend a lot of time attending and giving voice to the different parts of myself that have been affected by my trauma experiences. These parts of myself are often little and young, and hold a significant portion of my trauma experiences, even the ones that have happened as an adult.

About a year ago, I started writing poems as a way to provide comfort and reassurance to the little parts of myself that needed it. The poems have also become a spiritual practice and a way to document the growth that has taken place as I have been attending to these little parts of myself. During therapy, I use a visualization of my parts in a specific place. The first two poems describe situations in therapy where I was attending to two different parts of myself that were affected in different ways by my trauma experiences having to do with my mom.

Another part of my healing and recovery process has been getting in touch with my spirituality and connection with Heavenly Mother. The second two poems are about my relationship with Her, and how it comforts me and provides companionship and safety. These poems describe the ways we as people (and Heavenly Mother) constantly embody multiple different, unique intersections of traits and parts of our identities (e.g., delicate and powerful, firm and kind, fun and serious/attentive).

Little and delicate.
OK, what part of the room is she in?
She’s hiding in the bathroom, in the tub.
She’s behind the shower curtain.
It’s dark.

OK, who would go into her?
I would, the compassionate presence would.
The other parts would come in after me,
like little siblings to greet a baby after a nap.
We would turn on the lamp first, so not to scare her.

OK, can she hear you? What would you say to her?
I know why you’re hiding in here, but it’s safe now.
It’s okay to come out now.
It’ll be fun if you come out.
We have a cozy place for you,
and everyone will take care of you. 
We have a nest.

OK, what does the nest look like?
There’s lots of blankets.
They’re soft.
The parts put her on the upper corner of the bed.
She’s propped up by the wall, she feels cozy.
There’s fun toys, and she’s surrounded by the other parts.
Clamoring for her attention and loving on her.
It’s safe.

Free/that time you knew things had changed with your mom.  
OK, what would you tell that part of you that was sitting there,
trying to make your mom understand?
I’d comfort her and tell her she doesn’t need to keep explaining herself.
I’d let her rest on my chest and hide her face.
I’d tell her she’s safe.

OK, how would you tuck her in, what would you do?
I’d leave her with the other parts.
They’d comfort her and be with her.
They’d say “it’s happened to us, too.
Oldest trick in the book, pretending it didn’t happen.”
I’d leave her surrounded by them.

They’d feel safe.
They’d feel secure.
They’d feel comforted.
They’d be ok until I came back.

Mama says “careful!”
Mama says “careful!”
She doesn’t yell or get mad.
She says it gently, but firmly,
and with kindness.
She says it like she’s not afraid.

She says it when you’re not paying
enough attention on the road.
She says it when you’re hurting,
or when you want to hurt your body.
She says it when you feel like you can’t
keep suffering anymore.

She knows our bodies get hurt.
She knows they experience so much pain.
She knows suffering herself.
She’s cried in pain,
tears streaming down her face.

She wants us to land softly.
She wants us to be alive.
Mama says “careful!”

Heavenly Mother Listens to Lizzo.
Heavenly Mother listens to Lizzo.
She sits in the passenger seat next to me when we drive at night.
The windows are down.
There is a breeze.
The music is loud.

Heavenly Mother is fun.
She loves the things I love.
She’s not scared of F-bombs.
As the music blares in the dark,
She smiles because I’m smiling,
and because I feel safe.
That’s precious to her.

Her pioneer sisters are in the back of the car,
also jamming in happiness,
wishing they knew Lizzo back when.
It would have made riding in wagons
and walking so much more fun and pleasant.

We are all connected in that moment.
I don’t feel alone in the car.
I put my hand on the gearstick between the seats
and picture holding Her hand.

In Memory of Carrel Sheldon, Exponent II Founding Mother

Last week, one of our Exponent II founding mothers and longtime board member, Carrel Sheldon, died after a heartbreakingly swift cancer diagnosis. Next week, we will be sharing some memories of her from our community. If you would like to share something, please email us at exponentblog[at]gmail[dot]com.

[image error]from left to right Carrel Sheldon, Cheryl DiVito, Barbara Taylor, Robin Baker and Karen Haglund at Hillsboro Camp, the original site of Exponent II retreats

The first thing we noticed about Carrel Shelden is her beautiful skin. She glows. When we met her two decades ago we were baby feminists, eager to learn and make a difference. Carrel has been such an amazing guide in our journeys. One memory that stands out is from the early 2000s. We were in Robin Baker’s living room trying to rework Exponent II’s mission statement. To newbies like us it all seemed a little esoteric. We could not understand why every word mattered. All these years later we get it and have referred back to the mission statement that was largely crafted by Carrel, and shared it to feminists investigators like Mormons share the Thirteen Articles of Faith. It reads:

The purpose of Exponent II is to provide a forum for Mormon women to share their life experiences in an atmosphere of trust and acceptance. This exchange allows us to better understand each other and shape the direction of our lives. Our common bond is our connection to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and our commitment to women. We publish this paper as a living history in celebration of the strength and diversity of women.

As a Founding Mother, she knew this statement would impact our legacy.

We love that “atmosphere of trust and acceptance” is front and center because hundreds, maybe thousands, of women were blessed over the years to sit in a circle around Carrel at the Friday night introductions. It was her job to set the tone and intentions for the weekend and she did it so well. She outlined for us the principles of trust as a gift, the problematic nature of expectations, and the power of acceptance–of ourselves and others. As long as there are Exponent retreats, someone will do their best to “channel Carrel” and promotes these principles.

On a personal level, when Carrel asked how you were, we knew she meant it. She didn’t just want to hear the happy superficial stuff, she wanted the truth. The truth mattered to Carrel. She in turn was always willing to tell her story in an unflinching manner. Whether the story involved Mitt Romney in a hospital room, or plucking a prickly hair off Judy Dushku’s chest so the baby will nurse, or the pain of losing her beautiful Victorian home on Pleasant Street, Carrel shared honestly and without ego or shame.

Even after she left Boston, she never left the Exponent community. Many a time at a board meeting when we were discussing some problem, Judy would chime in and say, “If Carrel were here, she’d say ‘What are we going to do about it?’ Ladies, what are we going to do?” We don’t know how many issues we worked through over the years using Carrel’s voice as our conscience. She’s Exponent’s Jimminy Cricket.

As we learned about Carrel’s illness, our hearts broke. As members of her Exponent II community, we take comfort as we see how her influence permeates every aspect of this organization: the retreat, the magazine, the blog, the Facebook page, and our individual lives.  Thank you Carrel, for your beauty, wisdom, and the foundation you created. We love and honor you.

With love,

Aimee Evans Hickman, Emily Clyde Curtis, & Heather Sundahl

Guest Post: State of Grace

[image error]by Lisa Stewart

Recently, I was perusing Facebook when on the Exponent II discussion page a story in a talk given by President Nelson in 2001 regarding a family rafting trip was shared.  In the story (found here) he describes that by holding to the ropes of the raft while going over rapids is similar to holding to the “Savior and the iron rod of the gospel”, and by doing so his family will want to cling to him and the Savior.  The implication of course being that holding tightly to the ropes on the raft through rough waters is like holding tightly to the church to keep you in the boat to get you through tough times.

As a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints that often finds herself not only outside of the boat but often out of reach of the ropes I questioned, why don’t I feel that sense of drowning that he describes in the story.  Why even at my very darkest moment, did I still find peace?

As I pondered this idea, I realized my answer was simple.  I’m wearing a life jacket.  In Adam Miller’s paraphrased work of Paul’s letter to the Romans, Grace is Not God’s Backup Plan, I came to understand that although our natural instinct is to solely think of Grace as the life preserver ring tossed to us when we fall out of the boat, that is a very narrow view of God’s grace.  It had never occurred to me that before we stepped foot into the boat, we were given life jackets because God knew that part of our growing process, part of the Plan of Salvation, was the Fall.  That we not only could, but most defiantly would find ourselves in the water.  He also knew this was not only where the most learning would happen, but there, in the water, individual support would be necessary.  Where quite literally being embraced by the love and grace of God would save us.

Elder McConkie explains that the Plan of Salvation includes three doctrines that are “woven inseparably together”.  No one pillar of the plan could happen without the other two; Creation, the fall, and the atonement.

It is only though the atonement that the resurrection can take place.  Only though his love, and grace can we return to God’s presence.  This is where we find acceptance, this is where we find comfort, this is where we find Him.  We trust Him, believe Him, connect with Him.

But had the fall never happened we would have no need for the atonement.  We would have no need for faith, repentance, trust, growth, knowledge.  Had there been no fall there would be no salvation.

Additionally, the fall could not have happened if it weren’t for the creation.  The creation of man with all his gifts and all his glory, of a beautiful world, of innocence, of, the plan.

So, you see God provided grace FIRST, it was a part of the creation, it is a part of the intricate weaving and threads that hold the plan together.  The only irreparable sin is refusing that grace.  Refusal of the life jacket before embarking the boat will jeopardize making it to your final destination.  Just as refusing His grace, His gifts, His love, will jeopardize our relationship with Him.

I’m certainly not advocating jumping into the water; but should you find yourself there, DON’T panic.  Stay calm, acknowledge that God is still there with you, His arms embracing you.  Look for the lessons to be learned, the growth to be had, and take advantage of them.  Take note of the other people on the river with you, in the water, canoes, kayaks, tubes, rafts and honor their journey.  Be kind to those both in their boat and in the water (Jews and Gentiles alike), and when you finally get to calm waters find your family, embrace them, thank our Heavenly Father, and as President Nelson did, reevaluate your game plan for getting to the end incorporating the experience and knowledge you have gained.

Lisa is currently living in the Philippines with her husband and two sons, and missing her oldest daughter that is studying at University. She is a teacher with Master’s Degree in Education and Autism instruction.  They will be relocating back to the US this year and she is looking forward to teaching again. 

Exponent II 2019 Annual Fall Retreat Announcement

Over the past year, our Facebook discussion group has grown, well, exponentially…

It is exciting to have new people join the group, and each arm of the Exponent II organization (magazine, blog, and retreat) is working to make sure that we remind and promote the other aspects of Exponent II.

To that end, I am delighted to get to announce the 2019 retreat details. The Exponent II retreat has been going on since the early 1980’s as part of our mission to provide a forum for Mormon adult women (18 years and older) in all our diversity, including those based in how we identify our faith, race, ethnicity, gender (including cis and transgender women, gender-fluid individuals as well as female-identifying intersexed women), to share their life experiences in an atmosphere of trust and acceptance.

This year’s retreat (September 20-22, 2019) will open for registration at 12:00 PM (Eastern Daylight Time) on Monday, June 17th. There have been years when this retreat has sold out in less than 24 hours, so be ready with your credit card on June 17th if you are able to join us this year. Our workshops are being finalized now and include topics like women’s authority, creating art, self-care, and more. 

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Rebecca van Uitert                                       © Brad Slade

Keynote Speaker

Our board is pleased to announce that our keynote speaker at this year’s retreat will be Rebecca van Uitert, the Dean of Career Services & Professional Development at Brigham Young University Law School.

Rebecca van Uitert currently serves as the Dean of Career Services and Professional Development at BYU Law School. Prior to joining BYU, she practiced corporate immigration law at Fragomen, Del Rey, Bernsen & Loewy LLP at both their Chicago and New York City offices. She also established and led the Fragomen Chicago office’s pro bono program, which focused on assisting refugees, asylum applicants, DACA students (“Dreamers”), and U visa (criminal victim) applicants. Rebecca has volunteered extensively with the CARA Family Detention Project since 2014, providing emergency representation to detained women and children seeking asylum along the southern border. Most recently, she, her mother, and three other BYU Law School deans traveled to Texas to offer their time, skills, and hearts toward assisting these vulnerable families imprisoned at the border.

Rebecca has also provided years of pro bono service to World Relief Refugee & Immigrant Services and the National Immigrant Justice Center. She previously held appointments on the Executive Board of the National Immigrant Justice Center, the Chicago Council for Emerging Leaders, and various international and local committees of the J. Reuben Clark Law Society. She is admitted to the bar in Illinois and New York.

In 2015, after thirteen years of marriage, Rebecca and her husband Jason adopted four biological siblings from foster care. Since the adoption, she has enjoyed a new era of peace with the church as she has realized how meaningful the gospel is for her kids (and for herself).  Becca previously enjoyed traveling, hiking, cycling, eating adult foods at interesting restaurants, and living in a clean house.

Registration information
Please note that space is limited and fills fast. If you would like to come but the retreat is full, please email exponentretreat@gmail.com to be placed on a waitlist. If you registered for a space and find that you cannot attend after all, please e-mail exponentretreat@gmail.com as soon as possible and we will do our best to connect you with someone on our waitlist, but we cannot make any guarantees and we cannot issue refunds after Saturday July 20th, 2019.

Due to the safety policies of the conference center, only non-mobile nursing infants are allowed. If your baby will be over 6 months old or able to crawl by September, please leave them at home.

Cost*
Semi-Private room: Standard $325 / Subsidized $300
Two beds, attached bath, hotel style in the St John’s Lodge, linens provided

Adult-friendly cabins: Standard $285 / Subsidized $260
4 twin beds per cabin, shared bath, linens provided

Dormitory cabin: $220 Standard / $195 Subsidized
10-12 beds per cabin, wooden bunk beds, shared bath, bring your own bedding and towel

See here for more details.

* Statement from the Exponent II Board Regarding Retreat Pricing

We will finalize room arrangements in semi-private and adult-friendly cabins after registration closes. We will try our best to accommodate your requests.

Your registration confirmation email will also include a link to a shared Google Doc to allow for people who need rides and bedding to make arrangements with those willing to provide those services. Be sure to enter a correct email address to get retreat updates!

We work hard to make the retreat as low cost as possible. If cost is preventing you from joining us, please email exponentretreat@gmail.com about the availability of a scholarship.

More information can be found on the Exponent II website here.

Questions? Email exponentretreat@gmail.com.

Lasik, a Solar Eclipse, and my Feminist Awakening

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I first had laser corrective eye surgery at age 21. (I’d saved money up for a mission, but purchased Lasik instead when I got married.) It was really easy to know the surgery would benefit me back then. I’d inherited bad eyesight from both parents and been totally dependent on glasses and contacts since childhood.

I had eye surgery redone again this year, at age 37. This time around though, it wasn’t nearly as obvious I needed it. My eyesight had changed ever so slowly over the years. I didn’t notice it. I knew I’d had the surgery and my eyesight had been great throughout my twenties, and I used all of that to reassure myself that I still saw everything just fine. Occasionally I’d think to myself, “Do I need glasses?” when I couldn’t see something another person pointed out to me, but I’d tuck the thought away after a minute and forget it, sure there was nothing wrong with my eyes.

In August of 2017, a total solar eclipse crossed the United States, and I decided to drive up to Idaho to see it in person. I packed my family up in our trailer and we braved the unknown crowds to go experience it ourselves. It was amazing! It was breathtaking! I was so glad I hadn’t missed out on the opportunity of a lifetime. Out of everyone in my family, I’d done by far the most reading and YouTube video watching about solar eclipses. I spent the hours leading up to the eclipse explaining to my family and the families we were with exactly what was going to happen, and I felt like a cool/smart science teacher that entire morning.

On the long drive back home to Utah, I mentioned my slight disappointment that we didn’t get to see any cool solar flares. The only time you can see them with your bare eye is during a total eclipse, because the rest of the time the sun’s light is far too bright and blinds you. What were the chances that OUR solar eclipse had zero solar flares?, I asked. Bummer, I thought. But my husband said, “There were solar flares. I saw them.” At that moment, it occurred to me again that maybe I might need glasses again.

I went in a couple months later to get my eyes checked out, via a free Lasik screening. I hadn’t had vision insurance in years, and I couldn’t bring myself to pay for an appointment where I was almost totally convinced they’d tell me my eyes were still perfect. The girl checking my eyes was having a difficult time and brought in a more experienced employee to check my eyes instead of her. I was getting increasingly uncomfortable, expecting them to finally stop looking so puzzled and ask me, “Why are you here? You have no prescription whatsoever, and we’re a Lasik office.”

But right as I sheepishly laughed and said, “You know… I don’t think I even need glasses, do I?”, the guy who’d come to help said, “There you go. That’s her prescription”, and passed the paperwork to the original girl (who I found out was just in training). I looked at my prescription on paper, and while it was nowhere near the prescription I’d had in my youth – it was definitely a real prescription. I needed glasses!

I bought a cheap pair of glasses online with a copy of the prescription that I got from the Lasik clinic. They arrived in the mail a week later, and I put them on at the mailbox. I was floored. I had no idea how blurry everything had gotten over the years! I realized exactly why I hadn’t seen any solar flares. The world was beautiful again!

I quickly became addicted to my glasses. Without them I was frustrated trying to read street names or signs in the grocery store. As soon as I could see clearly, I couldn’t believe I had been okay with such a blurry world, and I still mourn the loss of those once-in-a-lifetime solar flares that I missed out on.

I had my own “feminist awakening” that so many people refer to in the fall of 2013. I can pinpoint the times before that when I thought everything was fine, where I would argue with anyone that disagreed with me that my role as a woman in the church was anything but first rate. Just like the morning I spent as the enthusiastic guest science teacher before the eclipse, I taught gospel doctrine, spoke at New Beginnings, and bore my unshakable testimony that the church was perfect, and there was nothing I could think of to make it better than it already was.

Likewise, I remember those first moments of my awakening in 2013 where I thought, “Am I crazy? Am I just imagining this?” I felt a little like I did in the chair at the free Lasik screening – did everyone think I was nuts? Was I nuts? Maybe everything was actually fine and I was making a big deal about nothing.

After that free Lasik screening in the fall of 2017, I wore glasses for just over a year, and had PRK (similar to Lasik) in January of 2019. PRK has a slower recovery rate, and it’s taken me a few months to start seeing things really clearly again, but at my post-op checkup a few days ago I was thrilled to once again read the 20/15 line on the eye chart with no contacts or glasses. The difference is obvious now, but 18 months ago I was almost totally convinced that there was nothing wrong with my eyes.

I see a lot of my sisters in the church who are very happy with the way things are, and I understand. It all felt so good to me once, too. But I feel like there are beautiful solar flares that the women in the church are missing out on. The first time I went to a non-LDS church service with a female minister, I experienced those flares. When I took my girl scout troop to a camp run 100 percent by female camp counselors (without a single male priesthood leader to be seen) and realized we are completely capable of camping safely by ourselves, it was like going from the impairment of glasses to the perfect vision of post-Lasik eyes.

It’s frustrating when you finally realize how much you’ve missed out on (either with your eyesight, or just by being a woman), but you have to have that painful realization at some point or you’ll never be able to fix it. Many women refer to that moment as their feminist awakening. It’s a jolting realization, and once you’ve seen things clearly, you’ll never be satisfied going back to the way things were. You’ll want to change it.

Sometimes I wish I could go back and find pre-solar eclipse Abby and tell her to have eye surgery again. She didn’t know what she was missing. Likewise, when I hear women in our church insisting that things are perfect how they are, I wish I could show them the potential I see for the way things could be. Heaven help us all see 20/20 someday, both in the church and out. We just don’t know what we’re missing out on yet!

Mormon Feminist Liturgies: A Toast to Our Mother Eve

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A few years ago, I had the opportunity to lead a welcoming ritual at the opening of a Mormon feminist retreat. I left things to the last minute and ordered feminist theologian Rosemary Radford Ruether’s book Women-Church: Theology and Practice of Feminist Liturgical Communities (1985), thinking that it would arrive just in time and I would be able to find and use one of her suggestions. Unfortunately, the book got lost in the mail and didn’t arrive in time. I wrote my own ritual and I offer you this toast to Mother Eve, revised from its initial form. I recommend providing participants with cups of apple juice.

A Toast to Mother Eve

Let us remember
The choice of our Mother Eve
(Whose body and story
were whitewashed by Europeans)
She resisted
An oppressive system that
Denied her opportunities
For further light and knowledge,
Insisted that she find joy
In hearkening to someone else’s
Idea of paradise.

In her wisdom
She ate the fruit
Left the garden
And with her sacred imagination
Owned another path.

May we always remember
The example of our Mother Eve:
Be unafraid of setting out
On strange and strenuous transformations
Be unafraid of birthing our whole selves
Into existence
Be unafraid of resisting
False boundaries around
The wisdom we seek.

To our Mother Eve.

To Whomever Gave the Mic to the Church’s Lawyers…again

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Photo By Jason Rosewell

By a Mormon Human

Some are calling it the latest whiplash from the LDS Church Newsroom.

Some expected an announcement like this to counterbalance any positive or LGBTQ affirming message anyone might have inferred when the November 2015 Exclusion Policy was rescinded last month.

Some were wondering if there were motives for the lifting of the year waiting period between civil weddings and temple sealings, other than wanting to include more family members in the celebration.

Today’s announcement from The Newsroom about the Church supporting “fairness for all”, but also objecting to the Equality Act has people feeling justified in their suspicions, or wondering what the message really is, or any mixture of positive and negative response.

I have come to realize that newsroom statements that come from the Church Office Building can reflect the multiple personality aspect of a worldwide church that is run by numerous levels of committees, involving many different people, and the countless biases, traditions, agendas and individual ways those many people have of viewing the world, interpreting scripture, deciding what is doctrine, seeing through their own truth filters, and using their voice or position to present their version of God and God’s law to the world.

I am not saying there is anything wrong or right with that. I am observing that it is a very human way of functioning, especially within any organization.

However lofty or worthy the stated purpose of the Church, however much each member seeks and responds to inspiration from God, however often any of us are willing to receive revelation, it is an organization run by humans.

Full disclosure – I, myself am a human, and realize I function from bias, and personal truth filters as much as anyone. I also claim to be Mormon. I have, and continue to dedicate and devote my life to actively live within the framework of my Mormon, Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints faith community. I claim my journey and connection within this church as my own.

I can’t think of a time when I felt a need to see any aspect of this faith community as either completely true, or completely false. Since I can remember, I have seen it as a complex mixture of ideas, questions, revelations (sought and received by many), failures, disasters, miracles, mundane repetitions, messy history, compelling inquiries, and gloriously mystical connections to divine presence and inspiration.

This church is where I learned to seek my own relationship with God, my Heavenly Parents. This is where I learned to ask questions that came from deep inside me, and where I learned that no one could receive answers for me, just as I could not receive answers for anyone else.

And this is where I learned that we are all connected in ways that we, as humans, can’t really comprehend. A message that comes through for me, in repeated readings of sacred scripture, and prayer, and lived experience – is that how we treat each other is how we treat God. Nothing will help me learn to see and experience God’s love more, than learning to see God in everyone.

I do understand that this is not everyone’s experience in Mormonism. That is a subject for another time.

I offer this glimpse in my own perspective to frame my message about this announcement.

I really believe this church, as a faith community, has the capacity to do great things in the world. When we practice the religion of love, it is really wonderful.

I think there are some sublime and unique messages in the restoration gospel, about God loving us so completely, and being so connected to us, that They weep for us when we don’t love each other. Messages about Universal salvation, and how love has the power to overcome death. Messages about seeking all things that are good and true from all sources. Messages about how there is nothing more important for us to do in this life than care for each other. These are messages that draw people in, and invite people to come to God.

Yes, we as humans tend to pile on messages of guilt, of exclusion, shame, lists of “shoulds”, of many conditions to salvation, and that we need to earn grace. Those messages might keep people involved out of fear, or out of a desire to obey for obedience sake, or because we, as humans prefer someone else be in charge and responsible for everything. But, at some point, all of that will fail because those messages do not have charity.

I do believe that many of the messages from church leaders are about charity. And when that is the focus, there is power to draw people to God, to each other. There is power to inspire us to care for each other and make a difference in the world.

And, when any official message from the church sounds like it was written by lawyers whose job it is to defend the church from ever needing to change or apologize, and is focusing on fears based on long held incorrect assumptions about an entire group of people, trying to justify discrimination and exclusion based on this traditional rhetoric that is claimed to be doctrine – it is not inviting or inspiring. It encourages people to justify harsh judgement and hateful words. It also leads people into painful despair, wondering if they can ever belong to their own faith community.

So…whoever is giving the mic to church lawyers…

Stop.

It is not working.

Entire books, written by faithful church members, are now available that show what has been guiding the lobbying actions, and legal briefs written by Kirton McConkie law firm on behalf of the Church. This desire to stop the legal recognition of full citizenship and rights for LGBTQ people is based on the same kind of ignorant fear that was used to justify the priesthood ban for over a century. Those supporting these actions might feel they are saving the world from destruction because they think gay marriage will destroy civilization, but their rhetoric of equating LGBTQ with bad choices or sin is eerily similar to the racist rhetoric that church leaders and members now have to repeatedly disavow.

This fear has helped a law firm come to have as much power and voice as the Quorum of the 12. When local leaders wonder what they are to do when a member of their ward is transgender, and they call church headquarter for advice, they are referred to lawyers. The lawyers tell them they can’t allow someone to self identify their gender because it would contradict a legal brief written by said lawyers on behalf of the church. It is understandable, because that is the lawyer’s job, even though it is contradictory to the Gospel. The local leader then excludes the transgender member based on legal counsel. The experience for this member, congregation, leader, and all concerned is that the church is limited in space, in love, and in charity. It is a shrinking, small church that defies the radically inclusive gospel of Christ, and denies the unconditional love expressed by the message of the restoration gospel.

I am grateful for the local leaders who seek guidance directly from God, and who see that their congregation is poorer when LGBTQ members are not welcomed. I am grateful for the people who are willing to open their hearts and minds and consider that they might need greater understanding about how much room we can have for all to belong. I am grateful for those who are queer, who are willing to ask God directly about love. Please, listen for the love. Go where you feel belonging. Stay alive. Please.

For those who want to follow Christ, please consider this…

For the most part, people turn to Leviticus, the lawyer book, when they are looking for a weapon verse, to justify themselves and their own unwillingness to be uncomfortable and confront their own paradigm.

Many faithful, devoted members have confronted past ways of thinking when their children, their grandchildren, or they themselves come out. When they are willing to see how beloved, whole and worthy their LGBTQ loved ones are, and always have been to God, to the world. How much they are needed and belong in every community. When there is a conflicting message, even from the highest levels of the church, they will turn to inspiring love rather than harmful exclusion.

If we are to be people of the covenant to always remember Christ, to keep His commandments to love God and love one another, the commandments on which everything hangs, we need to learn to recognize when the message does not line up with that. We need to follow the good news message that inspires and connects. We need to set aside the message that excludes and limits.

The recent message that says the church supports “fairness for all” but wants to continue to be able to cling to past dogma, and feel justified in discriminating based on gender and identity, we need to recognize that this is the latest way of saying “I love you, but…”

We need to get our big “but” out of the gospel of love.