Exponent II's Blog, page 208

Last Chance: Make Your Voice Heard for More Gender Inclusive Hymns and Primary Songs

[image error]A year ago, the church asked for feedback in preparation of creating a new hymnbook and children’s songbook which will be correlated and translated into many languages and will (hopefully) include more songs originally composed in languages besides English. Members have been invited to give input on songs they’d like to keep, songs they’d like to axe, and to submit lyrics and melodies for new songs. Members can give feedback via survey and submit original content through July 1. If you’ve been holding off on sharing your thoughts with the new music committees, now is the moment to take action!

From the Church’s announcement in June of last year: “The opportunity for members to participate in the revision process like this is unprecedented,” said Elder Kopischke. “We want the input of the members so we can better understand their needs. What are your favorite hymns and songs to sing at church and at home? Which ones do you think should be removed?”

Click here to take the survey. (Note: the response fields look very small, but you can click and drag the corner to expand the boxes. As far as I can tell, there is no character limit, so write as much as you want!)

Submit music here.

Last year, I wrote about the discrepancy in named men vs. named women and gendered language in general in the Primary Children’s Songbook. My take home point was that if we want our daughters to see that there’s a place for them in the church and, more importantly, to know that God loves and values them, we need the language we use, the songs we sing, the stories we tell, and the lessons we teach to reflect that and include them. While I haven’t done a similarly exhaustive tally of hymn lyrics, I did quickly go through about the first 120 hymns. The results are probably skewed somewhat because the beginning of the hymn book contains a higher saturation of restoration hymns written around 150 years ago, but the numbers are still jarring.

In the first 120 hymns, 15 individual men are mentioned by name. Including duplicates, men (not including Jesus) are mentioned by name in these hymns 25 times.

There is no woman mentioned by name in the entire hymnbook (but Satan is named twice in the first 120 hymns!).

At least 68 of the first 120 hymns refer to God with male pronouns or titles (King, Father, Lord, etc.). Approximately 12 of these hymns refer to God in a gender neutral way (without pronouns).

There are no instances in these hymns of referring to God as female or as Heavenly Mother + Heavenly Father.

In the first 120 hymns, male gendered language was used 60 times (each use only counted once per song) and referred almost exclusively to people or groups. Examples: man/men (used in 27 hymns), “God of our fathers” (used in 4 hymns), and other assorted pronouns and titles including princes, king, brethren, father, sons of God/men/day, and patriarch, among others.

In the first 120 hymns, female gendered language was used 24 times (each use only counted once per song). Female pronouns were generally used to represent places or concepts (Zion, truth, Babylon, earth); these make up 16 of the 24. Other female specific language included mother/s (5 instances) and sister, daughters, and widow (once each).

For a more thorough analysis of gendered language in the hymnbook, this fascinating article by Douglas Campbell chronicles instances of gendered and racist language in both the current hymnbook and in previous hymnbook iterations. He analyzes changes in text and what motivated them across the different editions. Here are just a couple of his examples of changes made for gender inclusivity:

““Called To Serve” was the last hymn added to the 1985 hymnbook. For twenty-four years the 1951 Primary songbook, The Children Sing, had asked Primary boys and Primary girls to sing, “Called to know the richness of his blessing—/ Sons of God, and children of a King.” By 1985 nearly 20 percent of missionaries were female. Therefore, to make the language more inclusive, before it was added to the hymnbook, the verse was changed to “Called to know the richness of his blessing—/ Sons and daughters, children of a King.””

“The 1950 hymnal contained the hymn “O Sons of Zion,” written by Robert Manookin. He has commented: “Because over the years it was erroneously considered by many to be a priesthood hymn, it found less use than perhaps could have done otherwise. For this reason, I [Manookin] suggested that its title and text be changed to ‘O Saints of Zion.'” The hymn became 1985, 39, “O Saints of Zion.” Similarly, the 1948, 303 hymn, “Come, all ye Sons of Zion,” became 1985, 38, “Come, all ye Saints of Zion.””

Changing a word here and a phrase there may seem needlessly painstaking, especially when many references to men and mankind are linguistically understood to include women. So what’s the big deal? In his article Let’s Make the Hymnbook More of a His and Hers Book, Mike C at Zelophehad’s Daughters breaks it down:

“Here’s the big deal: Research has shown that terms such as “he” or “his” are not interpreted generically, but rather tend to evoke masculine referents. In addition, man-linked words (e.g., man, mankind, chairman, etc.) are not perceived as referring equally to men and women. Importantly, such usage can limit the opportunities and affect the self-concept of women, leading to a lower sense of belonging and less motivation in an organizational context. In short, gender-exclusive language affects the way that men view women and the way that women view women, typically placing women in a subordinate, one-down, less-than position relative to men.”

All this to say that inclusive language is important and that there is precedent for change. Here are a few of the things I’ll be requesting in my survey responses. Feel free to use/tweak mine or come up with your own when you take the survey:

In Primary songs and in hymns, include more songs that name women and use them as examples. Ensure that verses/songs that name women or use female exclusive language like sister or daughter are not marked to be sung only by girls/women so that both girls/women and boys/men can sing about women and female heroes. Women sing about male heroes all the time, and it’s important that women and girls, men and boys have both male and female role models.
Incorporate more references to God as female, God as partnered (i.e. parents), and God as gender-neutral (“God” without gendered pronouns). The hymns abound with references to God as King, Father, Lord, and Priest, and God in our current songbooks is referred to with exclusively male pronouns. Please have references to God as Mother, Queen, and Priestess and use feminine pronouns to identify Her in some hymns.
Change “Ye Elders of Israel” to “Ye Children of Israel” and put it in the main hymnbook. It’s such a great song, and it’s a shame it’s relegated to men just because of one instance of the word “Elders.”
Look carefully at the topics songs are tagged with and the topics that are included in the index and ensure there’s gender parity and consistency. Some examples from the hymnbook:

The topic heading for “Women” says “see Sisterhood.” There is no topic heading for “Men,” likely because most hymns are male default and have male exclusive language anyway.
Under the topic “Brotherhood,” there are 10 hymns listed, just three of which are in the “Men’s Choir” section at the back of the book. Under the topic “Sisterhood,” there are only four hymns listed, and three of them are included in the “Women” section at the end of the hymnbook. Many (if not all) of the hymns under “Brotherhood” should also be included under “Sisterhood” (including Because I Have Been Given Much, Have I Done Any Good in the World Today?, and Love One Another)
The topic of “Motherhood” has five hymns under it. Four of these hymns do not ever use the word “mother” but speak about home, raising children, or family (the fifth is O My Father, which mentions Heavenly Mother). The topic of “fatherhood” has three songs: O My Father, Our Father, by Whose Name, and See the Mighty Priesthood Gathered. The last two songs specifically mention fathers and fatherhood. All of the hymns listed under “Motherhood” should also be listed under “Fatherhood” as they are not gender specific and deal with home and family and are thus equally applicable to mothers and fathers (these include From Homes of Saints Glad Songs Arise, Home Can Be a Heaven on Earth, Love at Home, and Teach Me to Walk in the Light)
There is a topic heading for “God the Father” but not one for “God the Mother”


Please keep at least the melody for If You Could Hie to Kolob, but if the words are kept, please change “there is no end to race” to “there is no end to grace.”

What recommendations do you have for the music committees? What songs do you hope to keep? To add? To never hear again?

 

As a note of interest, the church has announced the committees that will oversee the revision suggestions for the Hymnbook and Children’s Songbook. The Hymnbook committee is made up of four men and five women, and the Children’s Songbook committee is made up of three men and four women. Audrey Livingston, a female product manager for sacred music, is secretary for both committees, and Steve Schank, a male Church music manager, is chair of both committees. I found it interesting that both committees have one more woman than man on the board. There is one woman of color on the Primary songbook committee, and there is potentially one woman of color on the hymnbook committee (as far as I can tell).

I’m thrilled that there are women strongly represented on both committees, though I wish there were more international representation (there appears to be a woman from Germany on the hymnbook committee; I’m unsure of the background of anyone else). Important to note, though, is that these committees only make recommendations to the First Presidency and apostles and do not make any decisions. It also appears that the general Relief Society presidency and the general Primary presidency are not among those making decisions on the new music books, nor is it clear whether they are even consulted: “The committee members don’t ultimately decide what is and is not included. “The goal of the committees is to make recommendations to the senior leadership of the Church,” Schank said. “The First Presidency and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles decide what goes in the book, so these committees are not decision-making bodies—they’re recommendation bodies.”” (I’ve always felt that my female body in the church is a recommendation body, not a decision-making body, so this tracks.)

For more information on recent developments re: the Church’s new hymnbook project, see https://timesandseasons.org/index.php/2019/05/updates-on-the-new-hymnbook/

#hearLDSwomen: I Was Shamed and Turned Away From a Temple Recommend Interview for Not Wearing a Dress

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Photo by Alice Alinari on Unsplash

When I talked about wearing pants to church, a man I know insisted women HAD to wear skirts. When I asked where that rule was, he recited that verse in D&C about how we should not be compelled in all things, so checkmate.

That verse means we should think for ourselves and not wait for authority to tell us what to do. It’s not a blank check to enforce your personal list of unwritten rules.

– Anonymous

 

Several years ago, my son was returning home from a Spanish speaking mission and was headed to BYU. He and I decided to take a Spanish class together. I would need an Ecclesiastical Endorsement from my bishop and Stake President to apply to BYU. (Already having a degree from there).

So on a Tuesday night I headed over to the stake center on Temple Recommend night to have an interview. This is a statement saying you will abide by all the moral standards at BYU. As I entered the room, a member of the Stake Presidency said to me, “Sis. Clark, I just want to remind you that any time you meet with a Priesthood Authority you need to wear a dress.”

– Pam

 

Last year, I had an 8:00 appointment with the bishop one Tuesday night. This was only my second time ever having a temple recommend interview. Shortly after 6:00 that day, I got a text from the executive secretary asking if I could come at 7:00 instead because of a cancellation. I said yes. I finished feeding my infant twins, quickly fed myself, and changed out of my spit-up-stained clothes. I put on a nice shirt and sweater, jeans, and flats.

When I approached the bishop’s office, he was standing in the doorway. I said hello, but he gave me a strange look and motioned me into his office. He spent a few minutes asking about how my family and I were doing, then he told me he would not be interviewing me that night. He explained that the way a person is dressed shows the intent of their heart. I protested that I had never been told the “appropriate” way to dress for the interview, and I rushed out the door to convenience him. He said he understood, but he still would not be interviewing me.

Humiliation washed over me. I’m a quiet person and not one to challenge authority, but I knew there was injustice here. I said, “I believe God knows the intent of my heart, and I don’t think He’s disappointed in the way I’m dressed.” The bishop said that this is the policy in the stake, and went on to say, “It’s a good thing you didn’t go for your stake interview; they would have turned you away.” I thought later, Would Jesus have turned me away?

The bishop interviewed me the following Sunday when I was wearing a dress.

– Shelly Sarfati

 

I was meeting with my Bishop on campus on a Tuesday night after class to get my recommend for either the Winter Quarters or Palmyra temple dedication broadcast. I was coming from a late class, carrying my giant guitar case, having been in class all day long. I was wearing jeans and a peach sweater. We chit chatted a bit and he interviewed me and signed my recommend. Just as I was about to leave he said, “Oh, you know what? If I were thinking, I would have never signed that recommend or even started the interview.” I was like… Whaaaaa? And searching my brain for some unknown sin his “discernment” had unearthed. That’s when he said that I should have been in “Sunday dress” because “when you meet with your priesthood authority, it’s as if you are meeting with Christ himself.” I told him I had never heard of that. In my ward in Houston, they routinely pulled us into temple recommend or other interviews from Wednesday night activities. None of us were in Sunday dress. No one ever said anything about being in Sunday dress. He then made some comments about how he couldn’t believe I grew up in the church and never heard of that. He then asked what calling my Dad held. (??? as if that is super pertinent? Trying to discover how my Dad failed me perhaps, and if he were in a lowly calling, it would explain things?? Whoever knows!) So I told him my Dad was currently in my ward’s bishopric. He wasn’t really sure where to go after that. But he said he would let me keep the recommend “this time” but that I need to be in proper attire in the future. Oh yeah, I was the Relief Society president at the time. So much wrong with that to unpack. Still makes me angry. Talk about having a God complex!

– Anonymous

 

Pro Tip: Remember that the Lord looketh on the heart. Don’t judge people based on how they’re dressed, and always put people before policies, particularly policies that are unwritten or unimportant.

Click here to read all of the stories in our #hearLDSwomen series. Has anything like this happened to you? Please share in the comments or submit your experience(s) to participate in the series.

“If any man have ears to hear, let him hear.” (Mark 4:23)

Young Women Lesson: Who Am I, and Who Can I Become? A Lesson on Heavenly Mother

[image error]By Meghan

I started off by writing the lesson title on the board – “Who Am I, and Who Can I Become?” I told the young women that we would be learning from this lesson outline but with a twist.

I told the young women that a few weeks ago, I had had this crazy idea for Mother’s Day. I told them how I has talked to the Bishopric and Young Women presidency about my crazy idea, and after some thoughtful prayerful and consideration, everyone was supportive of it. Then I told them my crazy idea – which was how cool would it be to talk about Heavenly Mother on Mother’s Day. (I told them this back story because I wanted them to know that the Bishop and YW presidency were ok with it.)

Some of the young women were so excited, which made me even more excited about teaching this lesson.

I explained that before going any further, we needed to address whether it was okay to even talk about Heavenly Mother. I asked them if they had ever heard that we shouldn’t talk about Her, and they all had. I basically said, “This idea that we shouldn’t talk about Heavenly Mother has never been repeated by any Church President, Apostle, or other General Authority.” (source: BYU Studies article “‘A Mother There’: A Survey of Historical Teachings about Mother in Heaven”) Not talking about Her is more of a cultural pattern than a doctrinal one – meaning that even though we have a culture in the church of not talking about Her, there is nothing doctrinal that says we can’t or that we shouldn’t. The claims that we shouldn’t talk about Her or that She is too sacred to talk about are not true. It’s ok to talk about Heavenly Mother in the same way that it’s ok to talk about Heavenly Father, which is with respect.

I wanted to be very clear and direct with the young women. I said, “I want you to know that while we’re learning from this lesson outline, you’re going to hear references to Heavenly Mother today, and I want you to know that it’s ok.” I made sure that they were all ok with it before moving on.

Then I told them about the two resources I’d be using in addition to the lesson outline. 1) the church’s Gospel Topics Essay on Mother in Heaven and 2) the BYU Studies article “A Mother There,” which is cited in the Gospel Topics Essay.

I had the young women read out loud the first paragraph of the lesson outline. I had printed out the first sentence and put it on the board: “We are beloved spirit daughters of heavenly parents, and, as such, we have a divine nature and destiny.” I asked them what it meant to them to know that they were a child of God, and to think about how it affected their lives or how they treat others.

Then I posted on the board the first sentence from the young men’s outline of the same name. It said: “We are sons of Heavenly Father, created in His image, with the potential to become like Him.” We didn’t dwell on this for very long because I then told them how I had adapted this for the young women, and I put this on the board: “We are daughters of Heavenly Mother, created in Her image, with the potential to become like Her.”

When I put that up, it was like minds were blown! It was really cool to see the young women think about this, and an almost sacred silence fell on everyone. Then I shared how despite not knowing much about Heavenly Mother, I believed that I had the potential to become like Her. And that even though I don’t quite know what that looks like, the idea feels right, and I find it very powerful.

Next we played 20 questions – the guessing game. I passed around a small container of seeds and told the young women they could only ask 20 yes or no questions to try and guess what kind of seed it was. It was a slow start, but somehow it only took 4 questions to get it right. It was a radish seed!

I asked them how we, as children of God, were like seeds. Some great answers here. Obviously potential to become like God was what I was thinking, but people also talked about nourishing that potential, etc. We read 1 John 3:2, which states: “Beloved, now are we the sons of God, and it doth not yet appear what we shall be: but we know that, when he shall appear, we shall be like him; for we shall see him as he is.” We discussed this question: “What does this teach you about who you are and who you can become?” I loved thinking about this scripture in terms of Heavenly Mother. The bishop, whom I had invited to sit in on the class, commented on the importance of getting to know our Heavenly Parents.

Then we read the quote by President Gordon B. Hinckley: “The whole design of the gospel is to lead us onward and upward to greater achievement, even, eventually, to godhood.” (“Don’t Drop the Ball,” Ensign or Liahona, Nov. 1994, 48). I also could have added here the quote by Elder Dallin H. Oaks of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles who said, “Our theology begins with heavenly parents. Our highest aspiration is to be like them.” (Dallin H. Oaks, “Apostasy and Restoration,” Ensign, May 1995, 84. (This quote is from the gospel topics essay on Heavenly Mother.)

Then I told the young women that I needed their help deciding what resource to learn from next, kinda like a choose your own adventure story. After all, this lesson was for them, and I wanted them to be able to have some choice over what they were learning. Plus, I wasn’t sure how everything would be received (it was very well received). I gave them three options: 1) The Gospel Topics Essay, 2) The BYU Studies article, or 3) The conference talk “Value Beyond Measure” from Joy D. Jones. The majority of the young women were most excited about reading the Gospel Topics Essay, so that’s what we did. We then talked about what stood out to them, or what they learned about it, and they had some great thoughts and insights to share!

If the young women had wanted to talk about the BYU Studies article, I had selected my favorite quotes from it and would have planned on reading those.

For the Joy D. Jones conference talk, I had planned on putting the young women into groups and assigning them different portions of the talk. I would have had each of the three groups read the story of one of the young women who had discovered her worth. The discussion question would have been: “How was the young woman in your story affected by knowing her worth as a daughter of God?” I had also highlighted the quote from Spencer W. Kimball (which referenced a Heavenly Mother) and Sister Jones comments on worth vs. worthiness. I might also add as a discussion question: “How can knowing your worth as a daughter of God affect you?”

 

Our Church Needs More Transgender Members

 

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Members of the LGBTQ+ community giving out hugs during General Conference in April of 2019.

In November of 2015, only a couple weeks after the Policy of Exclusion was leaked, I sat on the back row of Sunday School holding my breath with my head buried in my hands. I was trying not to move or inhale or do anything that would trigger a sob, because I didn’t want to draw attention to myself. I also didn’t want to leave, because I was hearing things said by members of my own church that I needed to hear. I didn’t know if I could ever walk back into that room, and I wanted to remember what was happening and being said that day.

My military husband was deployed that year to the Middle East, and I’d taken the opportunity for the first time in my life to attend other churches than the one I was raised in. My favorite was the South Valley Universalist Unitarian Church in Salt Lake City, complete with a female minister and a diverse and welcoming congregation. They met Sunday mornings and sometimes I would make the drive from my home in Lehi with three kids for a chance to hear something different, new and always uplifting. This Sunday I’d done both their meeting in the morning, and come back to attend my own ward at 1:00.

There were two transgender women who I’d noticed frequently at the Universalist Unitarian Church. They stood out to me because they were tall and had masculine facial features while wearing dresses, heels and makeup. I’d only met a few transgender people in my life at that point, and all within the past two years at Pride Festivals I’d attended with Mormons Building Bridges. It was not a world I understood yet, and I never met or spoke to either of these trans women who attended those Sunday morning meetings with me.

This Sunday I’d already sent my kids downstairs to the children’s classes, and I was sitting alone near the back. The row in front of me had one man sitting on it as well, who looked like he was about my age and pretty average in every way. A few minutes into the service, one of the two trans women walked in and sat down on the edge of the row in front of me, several empty seats away from this man. He looked up from him hymnbook and noticed her. He smiled and waved, and immediately scooted several seats closer to offer to share the music with her. As soon as he was at a close physical distance, he gave her a friendly side-hug, and they started to sing together. At the end of the song there was a second ending, and since neither of them read music very well they kept singing along to the wrong part, which caused both of them to laugh and exchange a whispered comment about how non-musically inclined they both were.

I was sitting right behind them during this quick interchange. They had no idea I was watching and eavesdropping, and I had no idea it would impact me so profoundly. It wasn’t a big deal – honestly, it was just a regular guy at church seeing an LGBTQ person and treating her as a friend. But to me, the lifelong Mormon mom who’d grown up learning and internalizing so many cultural homophobic ideologies and only having recently begun to understand what a transgender person was, it was earth shattering. It felt like the heavens parted above us and shined down a light on the most beautiful and Christ-like act of love I had ever witnessed. It was just someone being nice to someone else who was different, but it changed my world.

 

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My dear transgender friend Abby Stein and I at Temple Square during her visit to Utah in 2017. Abby is a former Hasidic Jewish Rabbi and advocate for the global trans community (go follow her on social media – she’s fantastic!).

I went back to my own ward just a couple hours later, and sat alone on the back row of Sunday School. It occurred to me that no one in that class looked different or stood out. Honestly, we all kind of looked the same. We wore the same type of clothes and talked and behaved similarly. It was quiet and reverent – which I didn’t hate, but which felt bland and solemn after the energetic music and colorful personalities I had just spent part of my morning with. Everything was fine until the teacher turned the topic of discussion to the new policy on gay and bisexual members and their children. He expressed our need to defend what the brethren were inspired to teach us, and that if we found ourselves questioning what came from the leadership of the church it was us who needed to get in line, not them. One woman raised her hand and talked about “those people”, referring to the LGBTQ community and those who were accepting of them. The thing was, I had just been with some of “those people”, and they were awesome. They were beautiful souls. They were everything I wanted to be like.

Another person raised his hand and explained that teaching the gospel in our homes was more important than ever in today’s world, because it was the only line of defense our kids had to keep them from becoming confused about their gender and sexuality. I knew that was wrong and totally unfair to parents. Having an LGBTQ+ child is not the result of how many times you missed Family Home Evening. Many of my LGBTQ friends have come from the most stalwart and faithful of homes in the church!

Hot tears started to blur my vision and I put my head down and tried to message my husband over Skype. He was awake on the other side of the world and suggested I leave the class and just talk with him in the foyer for the rest of the hour, but I couldn’t move. I couldn’t stop taking in what I was hearing, and I couldn’t deny the stark difference between what I was seeing in my own church compared to the act of unconditional Christ-like love that I’d witnessed earlier with no fanfare and no idea that anyone was watching. We sat comfortably in our Sunday School class in nice clothes, congratulating each other on knowing God’s plan better than anyone else in the world. But I knew we were wrong. We weren’t the ones who had figured it out yet – the unknown man who sat in front of me during his congregation’s opening hymn and hugged a trans woman – he had figured it out. I wanted to be like him with every piece of my soul. It felt as though God was reaching through the universe and opening my eyes to the difference between where I had been and where I wanted to be in the most powerfully effective object lesson of my entire life.

I have never been the same since that day, and while my interactions with the transgender community has grown immensely, it’s still limited to about a dozen friends who I’ve had the honor of meeting since that day. I have come to understand and love this hidden gem of a humanity that took me 3 ½ decades to discover, and all I want to do is be their friend, advocate, and show everyone else what I’ve come to see.

I hope to see more trans people out and accepted in our church pews in the coming years. We need them more than any of us realize. They are brave, creative, brilliant, kind, and resilient. I want a tall trans woman to come sit on the edge of my pew one day, so that I can finally get a chance to scoot over, hug her, and share a hymnbook together. We’ll never become the full body of Christ until this happens for all of us.

PS:

I know it’s not easy to find a transgender person out of the blue if you don’t already know one, but my first introductions to the trans community came by the way of Youtube videos and online documentaries. I’m including some of those below for anyone who is interested in understanding the transgender members of our community. June is the celebration of Pride, so take some time this month to learn more about the LGBTQ+ members of our church! You will not be disappointed.

This a short documentary film about a transgender girl who grew up LDS. It interviews her parents about their beliefs of how she came to be transgender. This was my own first introduction to the transgender world within the church.

 

2. This is an interview with a transgender man (Grayson) and his mom (Neca), both from my home stake in Syracuse, Utah. My dad used to sing tenor in the stake choir with this trans guy even before he transitioned from female to male, and my family loves them all.

3. Emmett Claren is a transgender man who I’ve had the chance to meet once at Provo Pride, but mostly whose cool YouTube channel I just like watching. Check it out! Here’s one video from him:

Emmett was also interviewed on a podcast, and I really enjoyed listening to his story! Check it out both Part 1 and Part 2 here:

https://anchor.fm/morgan-reber8/episo...

https://anchor.fm/morgan-reber8/episo...

4. Laurie Lee Hall is a more recently famous transgender Mormon woman. She was a bishop, a stake president, and the chief architect for the LDS church for 20 years. She created many beautiful buildings and temples for the church, including the recently constructed new Provo MTC, the restoration of the historic Tabernacle at Temple Square, and the famous Provo City Center Temple that was restored after the Provo Tabernacle’s devastating fire. After hiding that she was part of the LGBTQ community as a trans woman most of her life, she finally chose to come out, and the world is a better place for hearing her story. This is a recent talk she gave at an Affirmation conference that can also be downloaded in podcast format, but the Youtube video allows you to see the photos in her presentation:

5. Kris Irvin is a trans man, BYU student, member of both the church and the Exponent community, and my friend. If you’ve ever wanted to find a trans person who is fun, easy to love, and who will make your introduction to the world of transgender Latter-day Saints easy and painless, try becoming their friend. Here’s a recent Facebook post from Kris about an experience in Relief Society:

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10156317603783148&id=686708147

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Kris Irvin and I with Mormons Building Bridges in the SLC Pride Parade, June 2019.

6. Finally, my friend Ann Pack is a transgender woman who also lives in my hometown of Syracuse, Utah, and is active in the church. She and her wife Bridget (a cisgender woman) are two of the coolest people ever. They were interviewed by Richard Ostler for his podcast Listen, Learn, & Love (a terrific podcast featuring many LGBTQ+ church members) in this podcast here:

 

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My friend Ann Pack and I at the sweatiest event of the year – Loveloud concert, 2018.

#hearLDSwomen: After My Third Miscarriage, My Bishop Told Me I Was Lucky to Have Babies in Heaven and to Quit My Job to Prepare to Be a Mother

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Photo by Karim MANJRA on Unsplash

I was 14 or 15 when I was in my Bishop’s office for a temple recommend interview for baptisms for the dead. During this interview, my Bishop told me that I could not participate in any temple baptisms if I were on my period because I was considered “unclean” and “no unclean thing” could enter the holy water of baptism.

– Elizabeth

 

After my third miscarriage in a row, during a time of my life when I was really struggling to manage my grief, a very challenging new job and some other things, a counselor in the bishopric came to my home and asked me to be the primary chorister. I immediately wept and said this was not a good time for me because of my struggles and work/travel schedule. He then tried to manipulate me into saying yes -basically pulled a missionary commitment pattern on me, reading me a scripture and telling me the story of how he was called to be the zone leader two weeks into his mission and was overwhelmed but read this scripture and knew the Lord had his back. My husband was livid and almost threw him out of our home. I told him I would take a week to pray on it and meet with the bishop to discuss.

When I went to the bishop my answer was still no. He then also tried to manipulate me into saying yes, stating that he had prayed and been told this was absolutely the calling for me. Luckily I am not easily manipulated and emphatically told him no, that my prayers had resulted in a completely different answer and I had to follow my inspiration.

He moved on to other tactics trying to tell me I was lucky to have babies in heaven and then told me I needed to quit my job to prepare to be a mother. I told him we were done and we literally never spoke again for the six years he was bishop.

I’m grateful this was the first time in my life I felt unheard by my priesthood leaders, but this experience was the beginning of my struggle and stepping back from my 100% “in” attitude.

– Anonymous

 

My bishop pulled me aside to give me an assignment to make my husband come to church every Sunday.

My husband, being an adult who makes his own choices, didn’t.

The bishop and his counselors cornered me in the hallway after sacrament meeting. He was upset that my husband wasn’t there.

“Didn’t I give you an assignment?”

I hadn’t accepted the assignment, but I gather that that didn’t matter. I was a woman to do what I was told.

– Rebecca

 

I was told that I had no place attending a planned disciplinary council for my husband, even though it was about a neighbor conflict where I knew more about it than anyone else. And then when that council got downgraded to a warm and compassionate interview, I was still expected to wait in the hall for an hour. The stake president was at least generous enough to listen to me for 10 minutes then. At the time, I was grateful, but now the thought of it irks me. No policy was stopping him from including me in the actual meeting.

– Rebecca Dalmas

 

Was told by my stake president that my lack of trust in church leaders and new, unorthodox beliefs were the result of “being overwhelmed by the demands of being a wife and mother” (ie hysteria). Same stake president said he would excommunicate me because he couldn’t have other members thinking that I was a member in good standing while voicing concerns about church doctrine, policy, and leadership. He also refused to identify any errors in my arguments and writing.

– Mary

 

In my twenties my boyfriend of two months felt guilty about taking off one too many items of clothing one night and confessed to his bishop the next day. His bishop then called mine to report me. My bishop called me in to confess my crimes- very curious for descriptive details

MHA Devotional 2019

Last Sunday, I spoke at the Mormon History Association devotional in the Salt Lake City Tabernacle and gave a short talk and opening prayer. As I was entering the building, it struck me that a little over five years ago, I stood in line outside of that same building as an organizer for Ordain Women and asked for entry into the Priesthood Session of General Conference. Today, I am an ordained elder and pastor in Community of Christ. It was an honor to speak at this event

[image error]Nancy Ross speaks before a crowd at the Mormon History Association devotional in the Salt Lake City Tabernacle. Photo courtesy of Ben Park.

This morning I would like for us to briefly consider the story of Alma the Elder in Mosiah 16 and 17. All of my academic training is in the discipline of art history, so instead of reading the relevant verses to you, I want us to imagine this story by recalling Arnold Friberg’s painting Alma Before King Noah, which was completed in 1955 for Adele C. Howells, who commissioned the painting for The Children’s Friend magazine.

I imagine that many of us are familiar with this one and it was probably the best illustration in the illustrated Book of Mormon that my dad used to read to me and my siblings when I was a child in the LDS Church. Noah sits on an elaborate throne in a gold-fringed purple robe and wears a crown that looks like it came from the movie Muppet Treasure Island. Noah literally clutches his pearls, or whatever jewelry is at his neck, as he sits and listens. Abinadi is in the center right of this painting and his powerful but elderly body glows white, as opposed to darker skin tones of Noah.

I want to use the spiritual practice of sacred imagination to better understand this scene. Sacred imagination is a tool described by womanist biblical scholar Willa Gafney in her book Womanist Midrash. I want to use my sacred imagination to imagine myself in this painting. I imagine that I am Alma the Elder, watching this scene as Abinadi confronts Noah with charges of corruption. I feel like we both have a degree of privilege, and so I identify with Alma in this story. I imagine that this is not the first Abinadi to have come into this building accusing Noah of oppressing his people. I imagine that many of them had bodies that were different from Abinadi’s white and masculine one. I imagine that there were Abinadis with brown and black bodies confronting Noah, and women too. I imagine that Noah burned them all. I sit there, as Alma, taking all of this in. I imagine that today we serve a variety of Noahs and witness a variety of Abinadis in our everyday lives. And I would like to ask us: what are we going to do about it?

Pray with me.

God of Restoration
We come before you this morning
In this sacred place
To account for our doubt and faith
As scholars of the Restoration
We seek your guidance to illuminate the past and present
We pray for the humility and courage to challenge unjust systems that keep us from building a better Zion.
We pray for missing and murdered indigenous women who are forgotten by our legal systems. God, please restore them to their communities and help us to bring their stories to light.
We pray for refugees at our borders who suffer imprisonment in a system with no compassion. God, please help us to restore this compassion that they may be treated with dignity and be relieved of their suffering.
We pray for the safety of black and brown bodies in our communities, who are often not seen as having the same humanity as my white body. God, we ask for a special measure of protection on transgender women, who are often targets for violence.
God, we hear you call to us to create a just peace in the metaphor of Zion. May our hearts hear and answer this call of restoration and be ever turned toward you.
Amen.

#hearLDSwomen: I Asked to Be Released and My Branch President Verbally Abused Me for Two Hours

[image error]When I was 21 I wanted to serve a mission. I had a timeline for when I was hoping to get a mission call because my parents lived in Russia at the time but were taking a temple trip to Spain several months after I started the process of putting my papers in. I had some medical issues so I knew it would take longer to get all the needed paperwork and that it might take longer to get my actual call. I met with my stake president for the first time coming straight from class and was not wearing a dress or skirt. He hinted that the next time we met we could do so later so I wasn’t rushed to get there. I told him that it was fine and he then told me that I should dress in Sunday clothes to meet with him. So the next time I met with him, I wore a knee length jean skirt. After that meeting, my bishop asked to talk to me and told me that my stake president had spoken to him and that I should dress like a sister missionary when I met with him. So I wore an ankle length skirt and sweater the next time I met with my stake president, and he even commented on how I was dressed saying that I looked nice and like a sister missionary. Fast forward to the last time I needed to meet with him after getting all the needed paperwork, and I get a call from the executive secretary saying that the stake president needs to postpone our meeting. The next week the same thing happened, and then again the third week. I didn’t meet with him to do the final interview to submit my papers until after I had gone to Spain to meet my parents for the temple trip and didn’t know if they would be able to be there when I went through the temple. So a week after my final interview, we had ward conference and my stake president was there so I went and asked him directly if he had submitted my mission papers. He said he had. Six weeks later I was moving home to prepare to go on a mission and I still hadn’t received my call. My stake president had made me feel like I was bothering him whenever I contacted him about anything related to my mission, so I called my dad to ask what I should do because he had been a bishop, stake president, and area authority 70, so I trusted his judgement. He told me to call the missionary department, not ask about the status of my call, but just say I was moving and wanted to give them my new address. So I called and they said that they had no record of me and hadn’t received my papers. I again called my dad to ask what I should do and he suggested I go into the stake offices and ask the executive secretary if I could ask the stake president a question really quick because the stake president was likely booked out several weeks. So I went in and asked the executive secretary if I could talk to the stake president for a minute because my mission papers had been lost. Suddenly my stake president was behind me and said “your mission papers aren’t lost, I know where they are, why did you call the missionary department.” I explained the situation and my dad’s suggestion, and he said “you should never call the missionary department, you should always go through me, you need to have more patience and faith.” I asked if he had submitted the papers (which he had told me 6 weeks earlier that he had), and he avoided answering the question and said “I know exactly where they are” and reiterated that I needed to have more patience and faith. A week later, my doctor got a call from the missionary department for some fill in information. I don’t know what else to conclude except that my stake president lied to my face. He had complete control over my life for several months due to his priesthood calling and everything was on his time. I worked for the BYU bookstore during this time and quit because I was planning on being on a mission in the fall and couldn’t work there if I wasn’t a student. I ended up not going on a mission due to medical reasons, but I had already been replaced at my job. It was a nightmare and affected my trust for my priesthood leaders for a very long time.

– Anonymous

 

I got pregnant outside of marriage when I was 18. I still wanted to attend church, though, and was willing to jump through all the hoops in order to be able to attend because I believed then that only the LDS church could bring me close to God.

So I started meeting with my branch president.

He told me that in order to complete the repentance process and be welcome at church, I would need to surrender my baby for adoption. I would not be allowed to progress in the priesthood-administered repentance process until I had gone to see LDS Family Services and he had proof I’d visited them about adoption.

I wept, but I promised to pray about it and visit the local LDS Family Services office.

I prayed for weeks. I never felt good about giving up my son for adoption. I went to LDS Family Services, as ordered, hoping that they would offer me some additional insight or support.

They told me that my branch president had called ahead and notified them of my situation, and—on this first visit to them—began presenting me with the preliminary paperwork for surrendering my son to the church.

There were zero alternatives; they were merely the enforcement for my branch president.

I returned to my branch president. I wept and explained that I really wanted to please him, and I wanted forgiveness very much, but I just didn’t feel right about signing away my baby. I’d prayed and studied, and I felt that I was supposed to keep my baby and await further word from God.

He got angry with me and told me that I needed to go pray again and that until my answer matched his answer for me, I wasn’t really hearing the spirit.

Then he disfellowshipped me.

– Rebecca, Washington State, 1999

 

I was called as Relief Society 1st counselor a week after I had just moved into a branch. The RS president had health conditions and could not drive and so I was needed to take on extra responsibilities. I served with my whole heart during this difficult time. I had 6 kids and my husband was in grad school, and there arose many confrontations. I tried to start a facebook page to bring sisters together and I got in trouble for that because it was not allowed, and there were multiple communication problems and decisions made behind my back. After a while, my husband told me that he would support me if I asked to be released because he noticed how it was not emotionally healthy for me. A meeting was arranged, and during that meeting the branch president verbally abused me. He told me how I hadn’t learned the things I needed to, how angry he was with me to asked to be released…I think he was trying to get me to change my mind. He proceeded to ask me what I thought of something he had said and then he’d said he liked to play with people’s minds. He wouldn’t let me go and he kept me in his office for 2 hours! and after he broke me down I started to cry uncontrollably then he said I could go. He never apologized to me but he did to my husband. Three days later I was still crying which caused me to break out in shingles.

– Anonymous

 

Pro Tip: Though they may sound extreme, situations like this happen more often than you would think. There is almost never recourse for women who find themselves abused by an ecclesiastical leader. When women tell you experiences like this that have happened to them, listen. Believe them.

Click here to read all of the stories in our #hearLDSwomen series. Has anything like this happened to you? Please share in the comments or submit your experience(s) to participate in the series.

“If any man have ears to hear, let him hear.” (Mark 4:23)

From the Catholic Women’s Ordination Conference: Women in Ministry

Women in ministry

#hearLDSwomen: My Husband and I Served Together in a YSA Ward, but Only His Contributions Were Recognized

[image error]

Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash

The general sidelining of Heavenly Mother bothers me, but specifically I was taught at girls’ camp by one of the Young Women leaders that we don’t talk about Heavenly Mother because Heavenly Father is protecting her.

– Tessa

 

On our very last Sunday, after serving for several years in a Young Single Adult unit, I was looking forward to imparting my testimony and love to my dear young friends during Sacrament Meeting. On that Sunday, the new counselor replacing my husband was sustained and my husband came and sat beside me. The imagery was striking– coming down from his raised pulpit of leadership to join me below. This branch is fairly progressive and I even called myself the “Sister Second Counselor,” as did others- which was a completely accurate representation of the work I did. When you are called to serve in a Bishopric or Branch Presidency, BOTH spouses meet with the Stake Presidency, and BOTH spouses become members of the new unit, if you are leading the YSAs. This always felt like OUR calling. We counseled with and about the young adults together, we taught lessons together, we prayed for them together, we made friends with them together, we listened to their heartaches and struggles together. But on that final Sunday, much to my surprise, only my husband was invited back up to the stand to share his testimony. Only he was acknowledged as a leader of the congregation. Only his service was considered ‘priesthood’ service, and that was all that mattered. In the moment, I tried to brush aside my hurt as pettiness, but the more I thought about it, the more it stung and the more invisible I felt.

– Lindsey

 

I had been the ward organist for almost seven years. My husband had been sitting with our young son all that time. When a new bishopric was called, they called one of the past counselors as bishop. The stake president spoke to the ward about the service the counselor had already offered and how he hadn’t gotten to sit with his family for 5 years. I thought, yep, I’m up here too and clearly invisible.

– Anonymous

 

I felt invisible today when I was reminded that the ward boundaries are dependent on numbers of active tithe-paying priesthood-holders in the area, and my presence in our ward boundaries has no bearing.

– Anonymous

 

In my freshman BYU ward, the bishop’s main focus was on preparing the freshman boys for their missions and celebrating their mission calls. From the beginning of the school year, he added an extra 30 minutes to sacrament meeting (bringing the block up to 3.5 hours). The purpose was to create a time for any newly-called elder to get up at the end of sacrament meeting and share his mission call and bear his testimony. Then we would all stand and sing “Called to Serve” at him. Other young men would wait to open their mission calls at Ward Prayer later that evening, when we would all have to sing again. The bishop paid basically zero attention to the sisters, because we weren’t preparing for missions. It felt like we were just there to warm the seats and sing “Called to Serve.” This was twenty years ago, but when I checked in recently with friends from that ward we all remembered that dynamic. None of us even remember the bishop’s name because we had no relationship with him. Everything revolved around the young men and their missions.

– Anonymous

 

My friend is 36 but is small and looks 25. She was called to be a ward missionary and during the first meeting, she offered several ideas and insights. The Ward Mission Leader was annoyed and said, “My, don’t you have lots of opinions for a little stay-at-home mom.

– Meredith Reynolds

 

Pro Tip: In our culture, men’s advancements, sacrifices and contributions are frequently heralded and publicly recognized while women’s are not. Be aware of this dynamic and make sure women’s work and offerings are recognized.

Click here to read all of the stories in our #hearLDSwomen series. Has anything like this happened to you? Please share in the comments or submit your experience(s) to participate in the series.

“If any man have ears to hear, let him hear.” (Mark 4:23)

#hearLDSwomen: My Stake President Was Out of Control. A General Authority Was Appalled by His Behavior but Said There Was No Chance He’d Be Released.

[image error]I held a calling in a stake capacity several years ago. My stewardship was minimal, but I was able to observe the workings of the authority hierarchy in the stake. I was stunned and frustrated when, multiple times, my committee’s prayerful decisions for our stewardship were unilaterally overturned and our needs were not met. Despite logic and appeals, our various requests were denied by a stake president who was a stubborn micro manager. There was no recourse for us; we yielded to his directives.

– ElleK

 

My ex bishop continuously told me my answers were straight up wrong. He never spoke to the young men that way.

“Jesus wept because he was showing empathy”

WRONG

“Men’s hearts will fail them could mean that love will cease to exist in the last days among many”

WRONG

“The most important thing about visiting teaching is offering service”

WRONG

I’m not surprised. He talks down to his wife consistently and said to his daughter who tried to correct him, “I would know, I’m the bishop” when he wrote a chronological order as “Jacob, Isaac, Abraham”.

– Amelia Christiansen

 

The stake president came into Relief Society to publicly shame me for some completely false gossip that another woman had been spreading to him, and as he was repeating all these lies about me in front of all the other women, the Relief Society president timidly raised her hand to correct him that these things hadn’t actually happened and he turned and pointed threateningly in her face and actually shouted “YOU DON’T GET TO TALK IN HERE, DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!? I AM THE PRIESTHOOD AUTHORITY IN THIS ROOM!!!

Later, the bishop tried to intervene when the stake president demanded that the Primary president fire me from nursery, and she refused, so he demanded that the bishop fire me AND the Primary president and he refused. So he fired the bishop. He also repeatedly preached in Sacrament Meeting that, in these exact words, “men are always spiritually superior to their wives. Always. It is God’s plan.” With no exceptions. He’s, in the words of my husband, “the most misogynistic man I’ve ever met in my life.” And my husband led sexual harassment trainings IN INDIA for four years. His bar is hiiiiiiigh for that title.

That stake president has been doing this kind of stuff, and worse, for over 6 years now. MANY letters were sent complaining about the stake president by many ward members. I am related to a general authority, and even though he was utterly appalled when I told him just a small portion of what was happening, he basically told me that there was almost no chance that anything would happen to the stake president above a slap on the wrist/suggestion that he lighten up a bit, and that it would all be much more likely to blow back on me if I continued to make a fuss. Finally, after we moved across the country to get away from him, my husband and I sent letters to every single member of the quorum of the 12 apostles, the auxiliary presidents, the presiding bishopric, the head of the 70s… We got a very polite letter in return that they had looked into it and thanks for the letter. And nothing changed. Nobody cares.

– Anonymous

 

During a special 5th Sunday combined priesthood/Relief Society meeting, the stake president began talking about the dangers of pornography and how it can ruin a marriage. I raised my hand, was called on and began to contribute to the conversation. I started to say that something we never talk about in the church, but I think is the real problem with pornography is that overall and in general, the industry is dishonest, shady and dangerous for (mostly) women. I said by viewing it you are more than likely supporting other industries like sex trafficking and child sex trafficking. That, to me, is what can make pornography an insidious thing, not merely the fact that by viewing it your body responds in perfectly normal ways. The stake president talked over me and cut me off and something along the lines of “women don’t always see this matter clearly” and moved on. I could feel my face turn hot and red and I don’t remember anything else after that.

– Emily Earnhart Nevitt

 

Pro Tip: Recognize that the system, as it is set up in the church, completely excludes women from the power hierarchy. Seek out and heed women’s voices regarding men who are in the running for leadership positions. If a man has a history of unrighteous dominion, he should be released.

Click here to read all of the stories in our #hearLDSwomen series. Has anything like this happened to you? Please share in the comments or submit your experience(s) to participate in the series.

“If any man have ears to hear, let him hear.” (Mark 4:23)