Exponent II's Blog, page 205

Why Do Men Only Notice Inequality When it Affects Boys?

 
 
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My two daughters hustling to sell cookies to pay for their summer camping trip this year.

I am about to enter my 6th year as a girl scout leader. My troop is located in Utah County, Utah, in the heart of the church. We are totally self sustaining. We raise our own money, plan our own trips, recruit girls, leaders and volunteers ourselves, and work directly with the community to earn girl scout awards. We are not an exclusively LDS troop, but more of our girls and leaders are members of the church than are not. If you added up the past and current donations in tithing and hours of service to the church between all of us, we would be an impressive force. Our troop has been meeting for years on Thursday evenings at a local ward building, the same night that everyone has stake meetings and the church is often empty other than us. I’m grateful for the church letting us meet there all these years because they certainly didn’t have to. It’s allowed us to grow and expand our age levels and numbers far beyond what we could have done meeting in my living room.

The Boy Scouts of America (BSA) will be kicked out of church buildings at the end of December, when the church switches to their own program and officially disaffiliates with them. They made an official statement in a news release that BSA troops will no longer be permitted to use churches for their meetings. Okay. I guess that makes sense, because BSA has had a long and involved history with the church and they are now splitting ways. The church did NOT say anything about girl scouts, however. And in case you didn’t know, Girl Scouts of America and BSA are totally, completely separate organizations. Banning BSA does not equate banning GSA, although I can obviously understand the confusion.

We asked recently to schedule our current building for the next school year and were told that we, like the boy scouts, couldn’t use it after December either. My co-leader from that stake sent a message directly to her stake president, appealing the decision. She pointed out the obvious, that girl scouts weren’t banned – so why would he suddenly change the rule about us meeting there as well? He called her on the phone and explained his position.

He said, “I know that the church didn’t say anything about the girl scouts, but if I let the girl scouts use the building, the boys might get upset and want to use the building for their programs, too.”

She said back to him, “So, you’re saying you’re personally fine with us using the building, but you won’t because you’re afraid of making the boys feel like it’s not fair?”

He said, “Yes.”

So here’s what I’m hearing – for over 100 years, the church ran a high quality scouting program. It was fully funded, staffed and housed by the church itself, and was available for 100 percent of the boys, and zero percent of the girls. The concern about inequality is crossing his mind now, for the very first time, as it finally effects the boys in the church – and the effect is incredibly minor – a few boys who actually stay in scouts MIGHT be bummed the girls have a meeting location that they don’t have. It’s not like the church is suddenly funding or staffing our troop.  We’ve always provided everything for ourselves, while the boys have had a free ride for over a century. But *now* is when he’s worried about inequality between boys and girls scouting programs for the very first time ever?

(PS. For those who are interested, the same co-leader contacted church headquarters and asked the official policy on letting an outside group such as girl scouts use church buildings for their meetings. She was told those decisions take place on a stake level, and it’s up to the discretion of the individual stake president and his physical facilities representative to decide.)

Guest Post: Mi casa es tu casa

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by Elizabeth

We are fortunate to have grandchildren that live less than an hour from our home.  Recently, while they were visiting, we went for a walk around our neighborhood.

Our almost 3-year-old grandson was delighted with all the lawn ornaments and rabbits in our neighborhood.  When we neared our home, I pointed and asked, “Whose house is that?”  He eagerly said, “That’s (my) house, and Nana’s house and Papa’s house and Mommy and Daddy’s house.”   I hadn’t expected that response—that he would identify our home as his own home. I was humbled.

It got me wondering.  At what point do we differentiate God’s home from our home? Do we intrinsically know that God’s home is our own, or do we feel outside of it, unable to claim it, or excluded from it?

In the April 2019 Conference Talk, Come Follow Me, President Nelson quotes D&C 132:7 as reference for his own statements about families being or not being together in eternity.

Do you believe D&C 132 is inspired of God?  Emma Smith didn’t and threw a copy of it in the fireplace when Hyrum brought it to her.

If you want to know more about D&C 132 read v. 51.  Do some research.  What is it that Joseph was commanded to offer her that was then withdrawn?    It just gets worse as you read on in 132.  Women were treated as property.  In verse 54 Emma is told she will be destroyed if she cannot abide this law. Where is the agency in that?   Coercion and fear!

I use a yardstick to judge if something is of God or not.   I look at scriptures or talks given in church or conference and ask myself, “Can I picture Jesus Christ saying these things?  Can I see him standing in front of me staying these things?”

Jesus asked us to become as little children.  Little children see everyone as belonging together in the same home, in the same family.  I hold onto that, …and a little child shall lead them.

Theology

[image error]Sunrise in Zanzibar
https://flic.kr/p/29XqQys

My theology is changing
Finding the God within, the God without
Mother, Father, Creator, Friend,
Mountains beyond my soap bubble
And also within.

Because we *are* God.
The guide inside is God
The light, the wisdom, the part that watches
Is God.

And the me that is God
is curious (and kind).
Insatiably curious (endlessly kind).
Like a babe finding her toes.
Bottomless wonder
Endless delight.

Existence is a gift;
My worship is dance and wonder and beauty
Sensation, taste, awe.
The God in me is waiting,
Urgently, pressingly, lustily waiting
To smell a sunrise
To dance in waves
To read and breathe and taste.
Where is virtue in abstinence?
God-me swims and cries and plays.

Conscious. I am conscious.
Goodness is born of knowing
The sparrow’s fall
The weight of ink.
To dive into being, a willing witness
A whole and broken member
This is the meaning of life.

#hearLDSwomen: As Stake RS President, I Was Reprimanded by My Stake President for Sharing a Link to the Gospel Topics Essay About Joseph’s Polygamy

[image error]My grandmother wrote a manuscript for a book about Emma Smith decades before any of the more recent, honest biographies while she was Associate Editor of the Relief Society Magazine. She was told that if she published it she would lose her job and be excommunicated. She needed her job, so she handed over the manuscript, and for years it was hidden away in the Church Archives, with no one allowed to see it. It was finally moved to BYU Special Collections, and she’d donated her notes to U of U, so the information has since been used in other publications, but she was heartbroken since she’d worked on it for over 30 years. She ended up never publishing the history of the Relief Society, which she’d also written. She only wrote poetry, essays, and did editorial work after that.

– Nancy K.

 

I was serving as Stake Relief Society president when it hit the front page of the New York Times as well as newspapers and TV where I lived about the extent of Joseph Smith’s polygamy when the church published the Gospel Topics essay. I sent out an email to all my Relief Society presidents with a link to the Gospel Topics essay, shared how I had learned about Joseph’s polygamy years earlier and worked through the challenging stuff, and bore my testimony of Joseph Smith. I wanted them to be prepared in case one of their sisters came to them about it. One new RS president was horrified that I would distribute such information and reported me to her bishop who reported me to the stake president, and I got reprimanded for discussing it and was told all correspondence with my Relief Society presidents needed to be approved by him. Yes, I got in trouble for sharing a link to lds.org and bearing my testimony of Joseph Smith. Now I’m on my third year teaching early morning seminary and make it a priority to teach all of the gospel topics essays.

– Stacy

 

I was candid with my bishop about my parts of my faith transition and challenges with gender and LGBTQ issues in the church. He was kind and tried to be understanding. He asked what things were bothering me. I tried to give a succinct summary, sticking to straightforward facts and commonly accepted history, but when I recounted Emma’s struggle to fight polygamy through the Relief Society while she didn’t know that her own counselor was already married to Joseph, and how all Joseph’s wives were redistributed to Brigham and Heber after Joseph’s death, I became emotional and said they were treated like property and rewards for the men. The bishop’s response was, “Oh, that’s bad.” and he didn’t mean the ugly history was bad. He meant my faith crisis was bad. I was bad; my interpretation of horrific facts was unfaithful and showed a loss of testimony. I’ve been on the watch list ever since.

– Anonymous

 

I was told by a member of the Seventy that the “many noble and great ones” referred to in Moses only referred to prophets—not any women. I was told by his wife in a special ladies’ session that sisters were not better than elders in response to a sister’s question about how sisters can feel more included in the missionary experience. She chastised us because she thought we needed to stop thinking we were better than the elders and we needed to stop treating the elders so horribly. She was oblivious to the fact that most of us felt like second class missionaries because of the treatment of the elders. I have no idea why she thought that we thought that we were better than the elders because every sister I had ever talked to just wanted to be taken seriously and to be regarded as an equal.

– Chloe M.

 

Pro Tip: Bringing attention to troubling issues in church history and policy is not the problem; the troubling issues are the problem. Do not punish or marginalize congregants for exploring their faith or expressing concerns. Doubt is not the opposite of faith; certainty is.

Click here to read all of the stories in our #hearLDSwomen series. Has anything like this happened to you? Please share in the comments or submit your experience(s) to participate in the series.

“If any man have ears to hear, let him hear.” (Mark 4:23)

#hearLDSwomen: My Bishop Calls People–Even My Own Husband–to Primary Without Consulting Me, the Primary President

[image error]Today was hard. I’m the Primary president and struggle with a bishopric that will randomly call people to Primary without my knowing at all. It’s like they throw people my way and more or less say, “figure out where they’ll go”. It’s frustrating and annoying because, believe me, I’m well aware of holes and calling needs and have already been formulating the best possible plan for our needs. I would say they do this about 40% of the time. The rest of the time, they are usually respectful of names I submit.

I tend to be a roll-with-it type of person and haven’t made waves regarding this issue, but today, I reached my boiling point. My husband came home from his bishop’s appointment and told me he has been released from Young Men and called to Primary. So basically, a calling to the auxiliary I’m supposed to be the head of was extended to my own husband behind my back. They couldn’t bother to tell me their plan this time, even when it involved my own husband? And what frustrates me even more is that the second counselor to the bishopric popped into the Primary room to check in with me today. I point-blank asked him, “My husband is meeting with the bishop today. Is he being given a calling to Primary?” Second counselor said, “I don’t know…” Well, guess who ended up meeting with my husband an hour later to extend the calling? That second counselor. I felt blatantly lied to and purposely kept in the dark.

My question is, would you say something and what would you say? Am I making too big of deal about this? It’s so hard to know if my reaction is valid when the women I shared today’s frustrations to (my presidency and mom/sisters) all pretty much tell me it’s not that big of a deal and it’s just how the bishopric works sometimes, and just be grateful the calling was filled, etc.

Sidenote: I AM happy to get my husband in primary with me. It is a win. It just felt like a double slap of disrespect.

– HS

 

When I was in the Primary presidency years ago this (the bishopric calling people to Primary without consulting us) happened over and over. We (mostly I) discussed it with our bishopric counselor many times. Nothing changed, I was abruptly released, and I didn’t have another calling for two years. That was the last time I let myself get emotionally invested in church duties and it was the end of my belief that God was running things in the church.

– Anonymous

 

This is unfortunately all too common. In my third week as Relief Society president, my visiting teaching coordinator (before the change to ministering!) was released, and I found out over the pulpit. She was so upset with me but I hadn’t requested it! Another time, I had an assistant compassionate service leader called without me requesting it, so I had to scramble to figure out opportunities for her to serve in her new calling. In hindsight, both of these turned out to be blessings in disguise BUT in the moment I was very upset! I told the bishop that can’t happen anymore since he’s trusting me to run the auxiliary how I see fit. No slip-ups since then. I understand they have a lot on their plate – I’m fortunate to work with really great men who treat women much better than a lot of places, but they still need correcting at times! Don’t get me started on when I hear about people becoming new auxiliary presidents and bishoprics telling them who their counselors will be. That kills the whole process for me. Luckily that hasn’t happened to me.

– Anonymous

 

When a super-orthodox, super-controlling bishop called me to be music chair and told me my “number one job” was to make sure only hymns were ever performed in Sacrament Meeting, I smiled my best Concerned Mormon Woman FrownSmile and told him that if he wasn’t going to follow the handbook I wasn’t going to be able to accept the calling, because I was uncomfortable “going against the brethren.”

He blinked for a few seconds, scrambled to explain that he would of course NEVER go against the brethren, and just wanted to make sure all the music for Sacrament Meeting was “appropriate” and he thought I was the right person to do that. I accepted the calling on the strict understanding that I would be following the handbook’s suggestions that a variety of sacred and inspiring music be included in meetings, and we had three months of the best musical numbers that ward had ever seen before I moved away.

#hearLDSwomen: In My Ward, Women Can’t Use the Church or Hold a Young Women Activity Anywhere Without a Man Present

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Photo by Nick Fewings on Unsplash

Once or twice when I was leaving the Phoenix temple at night, a random man came up to me and said it was his duty to walk me to my car. That temple is small with a small lot and I told the man that my car was right by the temple gate, within sight of the temple grounds. The Phoenix temple is out in the desert with nothing but a few nice houses around, very safe area. But no, he still walked me. I was really perplexed as to what could happen to me in the four feet from the gate to my car on well lit temple property. Meanwhile having a strange man come up to me and walk with me was incredibly unnerving and did not make me feel safe!

– Sarah

 

In my previous ward, a priesthood holder had to be present for every Young Women activity. The Young Women were coming to swim in the pool at my apartment complex, and the leader asked if my husband could join us at the activity. He had other plans that evening, so they had to call a bunch of people to find someone else until they finally got one of the girls’ dads to come. He was about 30 minutes late and sat by the side of the pool on his phone the whole time. It was needless infantilization of the YW leaders and a waste of time for the dad, who clearly had places he’d rather be.

– ElleK

 

The Relief Society had a retreat in the mountains a few years in a row–one of the ladies had a huge and super awesome mountain chalet that she was happy to let us use. Every. Single. Year. a member of the bishopric slept in a back bedroom (we didn’t see him, he didn’t eat with us, he just….LURKED…) because the leadership deemed that it was inappropriate for 30+ grown-ass women to be together without a presiding priesthood member.

– Sarah Jane Bates Gray

 

As Relief Society president, I was told TO MY FACE in front of the entire Ward Council that women couldn’t be in the building without a priesthood holder because we weren’t able to make good decisions about our own safety, and that we weren’t as strong as men and couldn’t defend ourselves. FIRE WAS COMING OUT OF MY EYES.

I called my dad and asked exactly what the Handbook said. Then I called my bishop and he said he wasn’t going to stop us from using the building. And the priesthood holder we could get was a 70 year old man that was maybe 5’4″. Yeah, I think we will be fine.

– Terina Holmes

 

Pro Tip: The stipulation that women can only use the church or have activities when a man is present is not in the Handbook (other than for overnight activities). Do not infantilize women by implementing unnecessary policies. Remember that women often feel LESS safe with a man around who they don’t know well.

Click here to read all of the stories in our #hearLDSwomen series. Has anything like this happened to you? Please share in the comments or submit your experience(s) to participate in the series.

“If any man have ears to hear, let him hear.” (Mark 4:23)

#hearLDSwomen: When My Husband Was Inactive, My Bishop Told Me I’d Never Hold Important Callings

[image error]Recently, I was sealed to and married to a wonderful man whose parents had different relationships with the church. His father is a strong, wonderful man who struggles with his faith. His mother is a devout, two-time cancer survivor and has worked for years to be able to attend the temple with her children. He and I wanted to honor our mothers by having them sign as witnesses on the legal marriage certificate provided by the city we were married in. We were told that the priesthood bearers acting as the witnesses for our sealing were the only people allowed to sign. This was not a legal, state matter, but rather a policy given by the First Presidency. I’m happy to have a priesthood holder witness the eternal, spiritual sealing marriage but why can’t my mother sign the temporal, legal paperwork?

– Kell

 

Many years ago, I was called as assistant cubmaster and my husband was called as cubmaster, because … you know …

I told the member of the bishopric issuing the call that I would accept on one condition: that I be cubmaster and my husband be the assistant, since that would be how the work load would happen regardless. He looked stunned. He eventually picked his chin up off the floor and said he would talk to the bishop. The callings did indeed get reversed. Many people were unsettled by a woman having her husband be her assistant, but that’s their problem.

– Suzanna Rickard Nope

 

I’d been struggling with the POX (exclusion policy for LGBT families) and some history and finally stopped attending church. No contact from anyone in my ward. After a few months, my husband stopped attending. You guessed it, “ministering visits”.

– Anonymous

 

When my husband was inactive, I was told by a bishop that I would never hold important callings….important? I knew that what he said wasn’t true, I had seen amazing women hold callings with inactive husbands…. it still hurt…and I doubled down on my poor husband to conform to what looked like the perfect family…..

He’s active now 15 years later, but I think it did irreparable harm…. as I step back now…..

– ReNee A McDonald

 

Here’s a funny thing: lots of times it’s other women who try to reinforce the traditional culture. My husband is a fantastic cook and likes to try new recipes. Despite the fact that we’ve mainly be ignored since we quit attending, my husband bakes yummy treats and takes them to people, including the bishop’s family. So I’ll get a random text thanking me for the treats and saying how good they were. Usually I don’t even know where my guy delivered them. So I respond to these texts and let them know there’s no need to thank me, as I had nothing to do with it. Why do they assume that I do the cooking? I used to, but not since my job has longer hours I really don’t cook or bake anymore.

– Anonymous

 

I sent my youngest daughter to Fathers and Sons campout because I thought it was stupid that she couldn’t go with her dad. Also, I had a wonderful friend who was widowed young and had 5 sons, and when fathers and sons came along the bishopric offered to take the boys, and she told them she was taking them. They were so uncomfortable and suggested she would feel awkward and really tried to discourage her. She did it anyway.

– Sherry Andersen

 

Pro Tip: Women in the church are marginalized in many ways–large and small–when men’s roles are seen as (and, in actuality, are) more important. When the church and its leaders place priority on retaining and reactivating men, women notice.

Click here to read all of the stories in our #hearLDSwomen series. Has anything like this happened to you? Please share in the comments or submit your experience(s) to participate in the series.

“If any man have ears to hear, let him hear.” (Mark 4:23)

Book Review: Your Sister in the Gospel

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By Josianne Petit

I learned about Jane for the first time when I was 16 and it changed the course of my life. Up until that point I had never seen myself reflected in the history of Mormonism nor heard of a black pioneer. When I was given the opportunity to play her in the 2014 production of “I am Jane,” I was humbled. The words of the play echoed the feelings of my soul because of everything I had experienced as a black Mormon. It captured the exhaustion, heartbreak, and unrelenting faith that leads a black person to continue on their journey in Mormonism. That complexity of emotions, experiences, and spiritual path is the essence of Jane Manning James. It is my hope that one day we will do her and her story justice.

Your Sister in the Gospel is a very well researched biography into the life of an incredible black, Mormon, pioneer, Jane Manning James. Newell’s focus on speaking to only that which could be confirmed by multiple sources is commendable. However, in doing so Newell makes the fatal mistake of many white authors who try to tell the story of people of color. She centers Jane’s story in whiteness.

From the unflattering cover art which refers to “Aunt Jane,” a title highlighting Jane’s place in white society, to the final paragraphs which detail prominent white members who were in attendance at Jane’s funeral with only speculation about Jane’s own family, this biography leaves the black reader longing to uncover the beacon of hope to all black Latter-day Saints.

The narrative receives a clinical treatment and in the process divorces Jane from the soul she possessed and the heart that enabled her to persevere through so much. And yet, this is the best we have. Jane’s story needed to be told. The fact that there is finally a book that speaks to her life is appreciated. This should be treated as a solid starting place.

Amazon

Evolving Opinions and Mixed Feelings about the Boy Scouts

[image error]When my son turned 8, I wasn’t excited about him doing Cub Scouts. I didn’t like the amount of money and man/woman power the church put towards the organization, when it didn’t seem to me that girls the same age got nearly as much. I didn’t like the paramilitary undertones of the organization. (I’ll never forget the chili dinner Boy Scout fundraiser at the church that featured soldiers with rifles in our cultural hall.) I didn’t like all the bureaucracy. I didn’t like the awards portions of pack meetings, where sisters clapped and cheered for their achieving and recognized brothers.  I didn’t like that girls couldn’t participate in the pinewood derby in a meaningful sense. I didn’t like the organization’s history of homophobia. I had no intention of having my son get his Eagle Scout award. I just wasn’t interested in supporting this organization, which I considered problematic on many fronts.

However, my feelings began to change when my son got close to age 11. By that time he had discovered video games. He was obsessed and was asking to play them constantly. I was often yelling at him to get off the Xbox or Wii. He was and is a good kid – strong student, responsible, generally kind, etc. But the video games really bothered me. What a time suck. I wanted him to be looking at the world around him and doing good things in it, not staring at the screen in front of his face.

And that’s where the Eagle Scout award came in. When I found out that the church was leaving the Boy Scouts and that interested girls were being incorporated into the BSA organization, some of my issues with affiliating with the organization were resolved. Now that so many church resources would not be directed towards the organization and that there was a possibility of more equitable programming for girls and boys in the church, I felt better about the whole thing. And the organization did seem to be doing better with LGBT issues.  As I looked into what it took to get an Eagle, I realized that nearly everything the program encouraged boys to do – learn about the world and the environment, camp, cook, be a good participating member of the community and family – these were all good things. Sure, the bureaucracy of finding counselors is and was a nightmare, and the military-esque uniform still made me shudder, but the activities themselves were not bad at all. I’d far rather my kid spend time getting merit badges than try to play video games.

So now it’s my second summer of helping my almost 13-year-old work toward his Eagle.  We’re over halfway there—just a few more merit badges and the big project. On the whole, I’m glad we’re doing it. If my son had been passionate about sports or music or some other worthwhile extracurricular that engaged his attention, I probably would have passed on Boy Scouts. But in the absence of those other interests, Boy Scouts has been useful. It’s expanded his vision and gotten him to learn about new things. I was thrilled when I had him watch a high school debate as one of his requirements for the Communications badge and he later told me he wanted to join the speech club in high school. Victory! He found something worthwhile to be interested in! And it has nothing to do with video games!

However, one huge warning to all parents thinking of going down this road: getting these merit badges has taken serious effort on my part and my husband’s. Hours and hours of work on our parts has gone into teaching him how to cook, taking him various places, organizing 15-mile bike rides, cracking the whip over him to fill out various parts of the merit badge workbooks, etc., not to mention the hours it’s taken to even understand the requirements, which are confusing. Honestly, if I were a full-time wage-earner, I don’t see how we could have done this. This reality of the depth of commitment it takes from parents has made me wonder if getting an Eagle is ultimately a mark of privilege—the privilege of having parents or other caring adults around with enough disposable time, energy, and money to devote to all this. That realization of what this Eagle means—the privilege it connotes—gives me pause. I find myself even wondering if having the church involved in Boy Scouts actually helped, in some cases, to even out the access, monetary issues, and privilege that I now see are a part of getting this award. I wrestle continually with my mixed feelings towards this organization and hope we’ve made the right decision to move my son along this path.

I live with contradiction, dissonance, questions, and uncertainty as I spend large portions of my summer helping my kid get these merit badges. As is the case for so many Mormon feminists, I am no stranger to these feelings in my Mormon life. Somehow it seems appropriate that these questions of privilege, power, and access have followed me as I follow the Boy Scouts into its new phase apart from the institutional church.

What are your feelings about Boy Scouts? Has your son found it worthwhile to participate? What are your feelings on the church disaffiliating with BSA?

Dear Sister Sassy: Guest Editor

[image error]Due to her many social engagements, Sister Sassy has invited a guest editor to answer some of her many letters pleading for guidance.  Guest editors W. Dean Belnap and Glen C. Griffin wrote  About life and love: Facts of life for LDS teens published in 1968.  Their answers to these questions (as drawn from the above text) are denoted by quotation marks. In some places Sister Sassy inferred from the text what Belnap and Griffin would have to say and answered on their behalf — no quotation marks in those places.

Church leaders always tell us we shouldn’t date just one person, but that is the cultural norm now and if I try to date around then it makes me look bad.  Should I have a boyfriend?

 “If you go steady, you are tied to one person.  There is no uncertainty, no suspense, no worry about a date, but there is no variety . . . just the same dull ‘creep’ with the same jokes, the same hair dressing, the same date pattern”

  Okay, but what about after you’re married? Will my husband seem like a boring creep?

“ These consistent qualities will be great and the same faults tolerable when you find that very special person and become married.”

A good friend of mine lost her life in an car accident.  Can you offer me some comfort?

 “We talk about the death rate due to the automobile in this nation, how we kill on the highways during the year more than we have killed during many major wars in the United States, and yet these dead people will ultimately live again – they will be resurrected.  Have you ever thought of the spiritual death rate in an automobile? Sexual intimacies that can lead to tragedy and unchastity? These are the real tragedies in the automobile.  This type of death is not as easily taken care of as mortal death.”

So you’re saying the real question is whether she was a virgin or not?

Yes.

She was a virgin, but I am still really upset that she died.

Again, the real tragedy is parking.  Mortal death is easily taken care of.

I recently got married and I love to imagine myself and my wife being middle aged and established in the world.  What do you think that will be like?

“What happens to your dream girl in 20 or 30 years when she gets wrinkles around her eyea ns her flesh has lost that yougthful charming beauty and her hair gets stringy, perhaps from leaning over a hot stove, or her body gets a little slack from child-bearing? Forget the dream.  Alight yourselves with reality or you’re liable to be disappointed.”

My preschooler is defiant, hits and calls me names.  His teacher assured me it is developmentally normal and encouraged me to read some parenting books or join a support group to talk with other parents in the same situation and get strategies for appropriate response.  Do you have any advice?

 “When you needed spanking as a child, your parents should have spanked you instead of giving you a few pats on the behind – stopping when you blurted out a loud cry.  A crying child does hurt parents.  Yet, children must be properly disciplined.  If a youngster deserves punishment, the parents hurt or sympathy should not be cause to let the crime go because this only leads to a lack of respect for law and authority.  We’re sure you see this now, and hope it isn’t too late.”

The research I’ve read suggests that hitting children is, in the long run, a bad thing.

Your child will grow up to be a criminal and you are a bad parent who stops hitting your child just because he or she is screaming in fear and pain.

I’m new to my town and would like to help my kids make friends.  Any advice?

“A boy’s best friend is a boy.  This association is very important because it gives him an idea of what it means to be masculine.  This includes pre-teen boys thinking that they have to be tough and that they have to prove that they aren’t sissies by rough-housing, wrestling with their friends and even punch one another for no reason.  This is nothing more than an expression of growing awareness of masculinity. The interests of girls at this time are totally different from the interests of boys.  Girls change from tom-boy ways and rough activities and become more delicate.”

That seems toxic and is an unnecessarily broad generalization about gender roles.

“Natural childhood activity is for boys to act like boys and girls to act like girls.”

I have two kids and am happy with my family size, even though in the past Latter Day Saint families were often quite large.  Is that okay?

 “All too often the decision is made by young (and older) married couples to wait awhile to have children or to limit the family to a certain few.  President David O. McKay says that most often this is based on selfishly motivated reasons. President Joseph Fielding Smith said, “When a man and woman agree or covenant to limit their offspring to two or three, and practice devices to accomplish this purpose, they are guilty of iniquity which eventually must be punished.”

So my IUD…?

Is a one-way ticket to Hell. Say hi to Satan.

 

That’s all for today! Feel free to leave a question for Sister Sassy in the comments and she’ll try to get to it in the next edition!

 

*** Note: I did not ask the authors of the book any of these questions.  This is meant as a satirical look at outdated advice peddled by LDS authors.