Exponent II's Blog, page 202

Top 10 Reasons I Didn’t Read the OP before I Commented

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From ‘Round the yule-log: Christmas in Norway by Peter Christen Asbjörnsen
www.gutenberg.org

Sometimes at the blog, we get comments that seem a little off, like the commenter didn’t read the OP (Original Post) before they started typing.  I often respond to such comments by asking “Did you read the OP?”  Once, a commenter who had written a long comment berating me for failing to mention A VERY IMPORTANT FACT, that had, in fact, been a very important part of my original post,  responded to my question by telling me that her failure to read what I said in the OP was my fault for not writing those words in the first sentence of my post, before she got bored of reading and skipped ahead to the comment section to type her rebuttal. But more often,  the commenter does not answer my question because they don’t read other people’s comments, either.

As part of my continued efforts to enhance understanding between feminist bloggers and trolls, I have searched VERY IMPORTANT and totally reliable sources to uncover the top ten reasons trolls don’t read the OP before commenting.

Top 10 Reasons I Didn’t Read the OP before I Commented

After reading the title, I was too excited to start writing my rebuttal!
I might have learned something if I read, and everything I need to know I already learned in

Primary.
Reading would have left me with less time for writing and I wanted to write a comment that was

at least as long as the OP.
I didn’t want to see or hear anything evil, so I avoided the OP just in case. I follow the proverb, “See no evil, hear no evil.” What? It also says “Speak no evil?” Well, I didn’t hear that part, because…
I love speaking and hate listening.
I thought the girl OPs were kind of like the lady talks at General Conference, when priesthood

holders take a snack break.
I am trying to follow prophetic counsel to limit time on social media, so I quit reading and limit

myself to mansplaining.
I assume I know what you probably said.
I am in a hurry to get as many comments onto this website as I can before the mods put me into permanent moderation.
I was in a bishopric once, so I outrank the OP.

 

Book Review: From Housewife to Heretic by Sonia Johnson

Four decades later and Sonia Johnson’s memoir about her feminist awakening, support of the ERA, and excommunication are still very familiar and relevant.

This book has been on my shelf for a few years now. I thought it might open a wound of frustration for me if I read it so I kept putting it off, all while the book spine faded more in the sunlight. I took the plunge into reading it earlier this summer and I was not disappointed.

In short summary, this is a memoir of the few years of her involvement with Mormons for ERA, her divorce that happened simultaneously, and her excommunication.

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This book was both reassuring and defeating. On one hand, we are dealing with the same attitudes in 2019 as Mormon feminists were in 1979 and that’s frustrating. On the other hand, the words and experiences felt so familiar that it was like listening to a friend recount and commiserate. Oh Sonia- your brother called you to then talk to your husband about why he can’t rein you in? My brother-in-law once asked, “Why hasn’t McKay (my husband) told you to stop blogging!?” Oh, is Senator Hatch befuddled and aggressive towards you and your ideas? He only stepped down from that same position this year, still working against women’s and LGBT rights. Sonia, you shared some of your hate letters, from “good” Mormon people threatening to harm or kill you. Let us open up our Twitter DMs and we’ll see the same.

I am very impressed by her memory- and having written this just a year or so after the excommunication, it was fresh in her mind. I’m glad she wrote it then and didn’t wait to long- I think time would have affected her spin on it. She was all in the Church and it worked for her, until it didn’t. It’s ironic that the reason that she, of all her Mormon feminist friends, was the one to testify before the United States Senate Judiciary Subcommittee on the ERA because she was the one who was a good Mormon stay at home mother and had the time.

I half expected to find her extreme- that was the impression I was given my whole life- but as I read, every action she took followed easily from the one before and nothing seemed out of place at all. Preparing for her remarks before the Senate, she fasted and prayed and worked out her words with the Spirit, just as I would have. Her efforts to make sure her disciplinary meetings/councils were civil and the people supporting her were true supports were right on with how I’ve experienced supporting others.

The writing was easy to read and I felt that if she were blogging today, each page of that book could be a blog post you’d find in the Bloggernacle.

The Relief Society, which began with a glorious voice of what women could be, has gradually been co-opted by the Brethren as a tool to keep women in their place. As Marilyn Warenski put it in Patriarchs and Politics, the Relief Society has become the “sisterhood of the brotherhood.” The women who head it and the other auxiliaries of the church today are titular heads only, essentially without influence or power.

Sonia Johnson, From Housewife to Heretic, pg 263

This next quote on her relationship with her mother could be found in any numerous Facebook groups.

She could not understand that one can have a relationship directly with God without the leaders of the church as intermediaries. She could not understand that when the church leaders are angry, God is not necessarily so.

Sonia Johnson, From Housewife to Heretic, pg 316

And this feeling, when you feel that God has asked you to do something hard, and will help you.

When I rose from my knees that afternoon, I was not afraid anymore. The dread and recurring panic were gone, and I have never felt them since. I went directly to my desk and wrote the final paragraph: “We [Mormons for ERA] believe that what our early sisters would have wanted, what they would be working for if they were here today, what constitutes the whole loaf with which they would be contented, is ratification of the Equal Rights Amendment.” I did not just believe it; I knew it.

Sonia Johnson, From Housewife to Heretic, pg 128

From Housewife to Heretic is a very important book for Mormon feminist even today. If you have a chance to get a copy, read it.

Walking with Anger

I recently read John Gustav-Wrathall’s blog post about being angry with the church – until he wasn’t. The part that stood out to me was his call to members to walk with those who are angry, something he called heat resistant love. He points out that anger is a natural reaction and knows that forgiveness can’t be forced. “So I plead with my fellow Latter-day Saints, have patience with our white-hot anger. One of the best ways for it to run its course is for it to be heard out. Your love for us has to be heat resistant if you want to walk with us. If you want to minister, if you want to help, you need to hear us and walk with us even in our anger.”

I remember being at a different place in my faith and how hard it was for me to listen to that fire raging. I didn’t like how it made me feel and I remember wanting to fix things and naively thinking I could. Now struggling with my own anger toward the church, I need my friends and family to walk with me. I need my stories to be heard.

Too often in the church the rhetoric is that we should be slow to anger and if we don’t forgive the greater condemnation is on us. This can be especially difficult for victims of abuse to hear and I believe unhelpful for anyone working toward forgiveness and healing.

In The Book of Forgiving by Desmond Tutu and his daughter, Mpho Tutu, they explain a four-step process of forgiveness: Telling the story, naming the hurt, granting forgiveness, and renewing or releasing the relationship. While laying out a path, they do not prescribe what this process would look like for each individual, instead allowing time and space for people to go through each stage without shame for what one might be feeling or how long it takes to forgive. The critical first step is to “let the truth be heard in all its rawness, in all its ugliness, and in all its messiness.”

They point to the need for a safe place to share our pain in a way that is validating. “When people are hurting, they cannot be cross-examined out of their pain.” They do not advocate that every hurt be expressed to every person, but that people find a safe person who will not judge or shame them for their feelings.

So what has that looked like for me? A ministering sister who did not defend the church when I voiced my concerns. A family member who did not dismiss abuse by saying it happens in every church. An Exponent community who again and again and again validates and holds space for women to speak up and tell their stories.

My journey in the church has been rocky, but I have been blessed with people who have walked with me through my anger and pain. There are so many people hurting. We can all find ways to listen better so no one has to bear their burden alone.

Exponent II Essay Contest- Religious Fanfiction

[image error]Imagine a universe where Potipher’s Wife had a chance to speak with Bathsheba. How would the story change if Nephi had been the prophetic younger sister? What are the Three Nephites working on right now? If Michelle Obama spent a day with Jane Manning James, what would they do together? What if Eve’s understanding of the gospel came from the lessons she had from Mary about the Plan of Salvation? What would Joan of Arc think of Captain Moroni’s military strategy?

Fanfiction is a genre of writing in which an author takes established characters and settings from the work of a different author and changes or adds to the original canon. The resulting narratives give alternative understandings of the characters or the meaning of the work. Fan fiction often involves crossover characters, like a story where Buffy the Vampire Slayer meets Hermione Granger and they battle demons together. 

All literature, including scripture, is the beginning of a conversation. Exponent II is inviting you to join in that conversation in an unusually creative kind of way. The annual essay contest for the Winter 2020 issue will be Mormon fanfic, a chance for you to engage with scripture and history by mixing up characters, settings, and endings. Religious fanfic is an opportunity for “authors [to] reimagine stories and texts to find the truths their communities need.”¹ What truths does our community need and how could you reimagine our stories to find those truths? We particularly hope that you’ll move characters from one book of scripture to another in the style of crossover fanfic.

The winner of the contest will receive a one week’s stay at Anam Cara, a writer’s retreat in Ireland. Our sincere thanks go to Sue Booth-Forbes, former Exponent II editor, for making this award available.

Stories should be 700-2400 words and in Google Doc or Word form. They can be sent to exponentiieditor AT gmail DOT com. Authors should identify with the mission of Exponent II. The deadline for submissions is October 1, 2019.

¹ Jade Sylvan. “What the Gospels Share with Fanfiction” https://bulletin.hds.harvard.edu/articles/springsummer2018/what-gospels-share-with-fanfiction

Anointings, Blessings and Prayers

[image error]Anointings, blessings and prayers are part of many religious and spiritual traditions.  I’d like to share a few examples of anointings, blessings and prayers I have participated in.

The first example involves my mother.  In 2003 she had been receiving dialysis for four years and became increasingly weak and weary of it all.  She wanted to stop dialysis but wasn’t sure of her decision.  Her local (Catholic) priest came to her home and offered the Sacrament of the Anointing of the Sick.  My mother and her priest were alone for some time discussing her current situation.  The following is a quote from a journal entry I wrote several weeks later.

“Father arrived and sat with my mother for over a half hour in private.  He then invited those of us at home with her to join him in the Sacrament of the Anointing of the Sick.  We followed him back to the living room.   We prayed out loud, he read scripture and anointed her head with oil.  He invited us all to anoint her and bless her in our own words.  Two of my sisters, two of my brothers, my niece and myself took part in this blessing.   I prayed silently that the Holy Ghost would be present and that my mother would feel peace and know what to do.    The feeling in the room was powerful, at least for me.   Several of us were crying.   My mother sat in her favorite chair while each of us placed oil on her forehead and blessed her with peace and love.  She said that it was just what she needed, and she felt good.   Father stayed for lunch and visited for a while.   After he left, she told us all she had decided to stop the dialysis.  He had told her to feel peace with her decision and not doubt her own mind.  He told her God was talking to her and helping her with her decision.   We were all supportive of her decision.”

My mother stopped dialysis that very day and died four days later.

The next examples of anointings and blessings involve our temples.  The ordinances of the Initiatory are one place where women serve one another through the laying on of hands, blessing, anointing with oil and sealing of blessings.  I participated in over a thousand initiatory ordinances during my service as an ordinance worker. Despite the troubling language there was a degree of peace and comradery in the initiatory booths.  After several years I came away from the experience imagining the blessings being bestowed by our Heavenly Mother and other women, as they prepared each child to receive her physical temple.  I pictured a heavenly being blessing each one of us as we prepared for our life on earth.  Blessings of health, wisdom and strength were abundantly offered.  I particularly liked the anointing portion of the initiatory because the blessings were useful and thoughtful.  I liked being part of a triad where one woman received and two women anointed, sealed and confirmed the ordinance.

Another example of a blessing or mighty prayer occurred approximately fifteen years ago.  I was attending Girl’s Camp as a leader.  One of the other leaders experienced a bee sting but did not have her EpiPen with her.   She and I were alone, near our cabin, but at some distance from the Thursday night testimony meeting camp fire.  We could hear the group in the distance, but they could not see or hear us.  We had no cell phone reception in our specific location.  She began to panic as her face, tongue and throat swelled.  I sat her down at a picnic table, ran into the cabin and grabbed the children’s liquid Benadryl bottle.

I told her chug it, not even stopping to check the dose.  In that moment, I wanted to place my hands on her head and invoke a blessing.  I didn’t however.  I didn’t know if it was appropriate. Instead, I held her hands as I voiced a strong impassioned plea demanding help.  We prayed directly to God that her throat would stay open, that she would breathe, and we would know what to do.  Part of the prayer also included a request for the priesthood holder to find us.  Within a few minutes the man assigned to camp came upon us.  I explained what had happened and implored him for a blessing.  He prompted gave her a blessing and went on his way.  In that moment I thought him a callus ass for leaving us, seemingly unconcerned for the seriousness of the situation.  I stayed with her at the picnic table watching as the color returned to her face.  Her breathing became less labored.  She became tired.  We went into our cabin and she fell asleep.  I then checked the dosage for the Benadryl bottle.  She had most likely taken 150 mg, which was a large dose, but not life-threatening. (Don’t try this at home).  I watched her sleep from 8 PM until 10 AM the following morning.   She awoke hungover but fine.

What do these examples of participating in anointings, blessings and prayer mean to me today?

I look back on the situation surrounding my mother’s death and see a beautiful, but suffering, elderly woman who was conflicted about living and dying.  She was ready to die in so many ways but feared that her decision to stop dialysis would be considered a type of suicide.  The local priest understood her fear and validated her decision to stop treatment and let nature take its course.  I thank him for his understanding and his open heart in including us in the anointing blessing. We felt welcomed and included in the blessing of our mother.  We, her family, those that knew her best, were offered an opportunity to participate in that sacrament to bless her with the tender feelings of our hearts.   At the same time, we were receiving blessings ourselves of peace with her decision.  We were part of the process.

My time spent as a temple worker will always be special to me.  I have not attended the temple in the past 16 months.  I’ve heard about the changes but do not have a desire to participate at this time.  There is too much conflict within me.  I do occasionally rehearse the words of the initiatory in my mind.  I picture my Heavenly Mother, my earthly mother, my grandmothers, aunts, sisters, friends and others pampering children ready to receive their bodies…each one receiving a unique blessing tailored for them like a set of clothes.   I see the women administering.  I was the woman administering.  I was blessed in the process.

As for my friend with the bee sting allergy; she carries an EpiPen regularly.  I thank God for Benadryl and other medications.  I thank God she didn’t die or overdose on Benadryl. I thank God she wasn’t alone when she was stung. My words could not have been more direct, strong, or demanding if I had my hands on her head, or if I held her hands, as I did.  I suppose God would have heard the sincere desire of our plea regardless of how it was administered.  I know that I can call upon the powers of heaven when I need them, regardless.  I was blessed in the process of administering to my friend.  We were together in that moment of distress.  We made it through.

Blessings and anointings are tools to communicate with God and the Christ-essence. Christ offered peace to my mother and our family.  Christ offered me a new way to visualize the Initiatory.  Christ offered healing to my friend in that dire moment.  Participation in the anointings, blessings and prayers was and is meaningful to me.   It’s been nice, as a woman, to have an active role in the processes described.  The blessings of Christ are available to everyone.  I choose to believe God will work through me, and each of us, whenever necessary to bless the lives of others, in whatever way is needed.

Questions for discussion:

How have you participated in anointings and blessings?    How did you feel about your participation?

Would you like to participate more fully in anointings and blessing than you do right now?

How can we as women call upon the powers of heaven, collectively or individually?

 

ReplyForward

As Thyself

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I’ve written previously about the commandment to “love thy neighbor as thyself”, though, like most people who write about it, I’ve focused on the “love thy neighbor” part. It occurred to me recently that there’s a lot to be mined in the second part of that commandment – to love ourselves.

In what way are we to love ourselves? We are to love ourselves in the same way we are to love our neighbors. And we are to love our neighbors in the same way that Christ loves us. “A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another. ” [1] Therefore, we are to love ourselves the same way Christ loves us.

We are to love ourselves completely, recognizing that we are made in the image of God. I have a much easier time being kind, charitable, forgiving, and generous toward others than toward myself. We’re socialized, especially as women, to ignore our needs and to feel righteous in doing so. Having needs is seen as “selfish”.

I rent spare rooms in my house on airbnb. I put in my listing that check-in time is between 4 and 10 pm. If I can accommodate someone who wants to arrive at 3 or at 11, I usually will; travel is stressful. Someone wanted to check in between 4 and 7 am because they have stuff to do during the day and would miss the check-in window. I stuffed down my annoyance and said that they could drop their stuff off no earlier than 6 but that the room wouldn’t be ready until 4 pm. They said okay. I got up at the crack of dawn to prepare for their arrival. At 5:15 am I got a text saying they were in town and asking if they could come over early. I ignored the text. At 5:30 am they called and asked if they could come over early. I said fine, since I was already up. They didn’t show up until 6:15.

The world wouldn’t have ended if I had enforced check-in hours, and next time I will, because I love myself enough to allow myself to get a good night’s sleep. There’s a reason we’re told to put our own oxygen masks on before helping others. If we don’t care for ourselves, we won’t be able to care for others.

I’m not perfect at it yet, not even close. I still say things to myself I would never dream of saying to others or allowing others to say to my friends. But I’m getting there. I’ve given myself permission to consider my needs to be as important as the needs of others. After all, it’s a commandment.

[1] John 13:34

Guest Post: Legacy

By Brittany Long Olsen

Last year, I moved from Utah to England, and it struck me that some of my ancestors made the reverse trip about 175 years ago. Looking at a statue in Liverpool made to commemorate those early saints, I thought about how I might have grown up here in England instead of America had my ancestors not joined the Mormon church. Their choices changed lives for generations, and they gave up so much to be surrounded by a religious community they loved. If they knew how much I’m currently struggling in their beloved religious community, would they be ashamed at the state of my faith? Or would they be proud that I’m seriously weighing these spiritual matters and seeking direction for my life? If I only knew their faith when they crossed the Atlantic and sought out the saints in the Rocky Mountains, would I find what I’m looking for?

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The first time I visit Liverpool, I head for the docks.

The city is famous for football and The Beatles, but what I want to see is a statue called “Legacy” overlooking the Mersey River.

It commemorates about 50,000 people who sailed from England to join the Mormons in America. Some of my ancestors were among them.

 

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I’ve read about Leonora Cannon, an orphan at 4 years old after her mother died crossing the Atlantic and her father died in Nauvoo. She and her two older sisters might have stood on this very dock where I’m standing, waiting to board a ship for the New World just a few years after their family joined the Mormon church.

I can imagine their pain as they left their spiritual and physical home and made the pilgrimage from Liverpool to the Rocky Mountains.

I made the reverse journey from Utah to England three months ago, albeit in a plane instead of a heaving steamship.

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More acutely than ever in my life, I feel stranded, separated from my eternal Mother and Father.

Thinking about Leonora, and Ann, and Mary Alice, I can feel the pain of being an orphan girl far from home.

I’m hoping that by coming here, I can feel their faith too.

 

Brittany Long Olsen is a cartoonist, ex-pat, and dog mom.

Book Review: A Case for the Book of Mormon / Callister

[image error]When I began to read Tad R. Callister’s book, I honestly could not place what Callister’s intended audience was. As it is a “case” or argument for the authenticity of the Book of Mormon, I presumed that it might be for members of other Christian faiths who disbelieve the authenticity of the Book of Mormon. But I soon came to the conclusion that this book is for members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. It is also a book for men.

 

Callister does a thorough job of referencing LDS leaders and teachers, as well as the Maxwell Institute, Hugh Nibley, FAIR Mormon, and various LDS antiquarians. His work is well organized and I have no doubt that he prayed in constructing the book. It is a solid work for believing church members who wish to develop their position on the most often targeted criticisms of the authenticity of the book of Mormon.

 

The language used by Callister is patriarchal, which is to say, absent of female concerns, critiques or characterisations. While Sidney Rigdon’s testimony is subtitled, Emma Smith’s testimony and witness are only used as support—making her witness feel secondary, rather than primary. You might argue that Callister included Mary Whitmer and Lucy Smith, but he did so only in his references and notes (p152), not as primary witnesses.  His reasoning for this is clear, in a table where he has “Confusion in Some of the Christian Wold” in one column, and Truth Clarified or Restored by the Book of Mormon” in an opposing column, under the heading “The Melchizedek Priesthood” he states that only men can hold the priesthood, which to me was disappointing in that it could have been an easy way to include the work of women in the temple.

 

At the end of the day, this is a good book, and I enjoyed it, but not as much as I had hoped or anticipated. It would be a good gift for the Mormon men in your life, but not a good choice for Mormon women as I did struggle to retain full attention with its patriarchal stylings and tone.   

 

 

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