Helene Lerner's Blog, page 168

Celebrate Women's History Month

Women's History Month kicks off this Friday on March 1, and we are gearing up for a very busy month! We must remember the women who have paved the way, but also know that it is our strengths and our actions that will continue to improve gender equality for future generations. Sit back and enjoy these insightful quotes from female leaders, past and present. And be on the lookout throughout March for our latest television program, "In Her Power", airing at different times throughout the month nationwide on public television on select stations. 

–Video by Nicolena Basso

Career Coach: Be Patient With Change

Five years ago I was working out with my personal trainer at the time, Valerie, when I asked, “Why do you think so few people stick with their exercise programs?” I will never forget her answer: “Because they try to do too much, get discouraged, and throw in the towel.” I think Valerie is spot on. It doesn’t explain everything about why we fall short of reaching our goals – but it sure explains a lot. 

It also brings us to our fourth key to positive change, “We have to be patient until we find what works, and then be patient as we make mistakes, refine what we are doing, and then go at it again.” That’s easier said than done; in reality, when it comes to getting what we want, we want two things:

We want change now, not later. We want to lose ten pounds in one week, get promoted this quarter, or be happier right this minute. 

We want change to be easy, not hard. We don’t want it to be ridiculously easy, but easy enough so we don’t have to get too uncomfortable. 

The problem is that change and progress take time and effort. We forget about the challenges we will face along the way and we forget that changes takes time – more than what we usually think. So we get impatient and decide, “It’s just not possible,” or “It’s not that important to me.” The truth is, it is possible and it is important – we’re just not patient enough to hang in there until we see results. 

The next time you are feeling discouraged about the progress you’ve made, ask yourself, “If I gave this a little more time and a little more effort, what might happen then?” You might be surprised!

–Alan Allard, Career Coach

 

How Do You Deal With Anxiety?

Anxiety is an emotion most of us know all too well. That sudden burst of fear, of uncertainty, of confusion – it can come and go or linger for days. We asked members of our community to share how they soothe anxious emotions in the workplace; take a few notes and you'll know what to do the next time panic takes hold. 

Tara Burd: Walk more slowly (outside if possible), breathe and complete your exhale, and smile/be kind to a coworker. 

Casey Reed: Calm, deep, controlled breaths with my eyes closed. In a quiet space. 

Nichola Petts: Taking a break. Taking a walk. Having a non-work related, easy conversation with someone to get your mind fixated on something else. Deep breaths. Guided meditation. If that doesn't help, maybe it's time to find a new job. 

Dawn Anne D'Entremont Stanyon: I agree with Nichola. You need to step away. Do some breathing. Move your body. Give yourself time to gain perspective. And then get in there and kick butt. 

Danna Al-Mutawa: Go to work half an hour early to plan out for the day and get all settled, have quiet peace of mind before the biz day gets crazy bizzy. 

Do you have a tried and tested way to relieve your anxious feelings? Share it with us below, or visit us on Facebook or Twitter to take part in future conversations. 

Leaving Her Mark Behind the Scenes

The Big Apple is known for its rushed lifestyle and grand living, but it’s hard not to think of the colorful theatre scene as well. On any given day you can please every taste – from popular musicals to serious dramas. But have you given thought to the people who make that all possible?

Fresh out of college in Cleveland, Ohio, musical theatre major Erin Craig was instantly pulled to the allure of New York City. “I wanted to become a Broadway star,” she remembers fondly. Her first year in the city was spent running from audition to audition, but as time passed she realized that performing was not her true calling. “My personality just didn’t fit with what it takes to be a top-level performer.” 

Though acting was not her niche, Erin’s love for theatre never faded. Determined to stay in the business, she landed a job at the National Artist Management Group with hopes of becoming a theatre producer. While there, she worked with associate producer Alicia Parker, who would become one of Erin’s beloved mentors, along with general managers Nancy Gibbs and Charlotte Wilcox. 

“I learned as I did the work,” Erin says of jumping in feet-first to a new career. “I got to watch and do, and I realized I belonged on the business side. I instinctually had the skills I needed, I am a good organizer and enjoy ‘big picture’ thinking.” 

As she got more experience under her belt, Erin decided to take the leap and start a company of her own. Her career brings much joy to her life, so she fittingly named her new business “La Vie Productions.” 

Today La Vie produces a variety of works, from plays to films. “I love working with people, and I love seeing their dreams come to fruition.” Soon, she will make her Broadway debut as lead producer on the upcoming play, “Mr. Rickey Calls a Meeting.” 

For Erin, pursuing acting lead her to find her passion working behind the scenes. What advice does she have for others who may feel stuck in their career? “The most important thing you can do is trust yourself. If you don’t feel that something is working, try other things. You never know what might happen.”

Read the stories of more female entrepreneurs, including Alex Bernadotte of Beyond 12, Yael Alkalay of Red Flower, and Maya Kalman of Swank Productions. 

–Lindsay Putnam

 

Career Coach: Change Your Thoughts, See Results

On Monday and Wednesday, we looked at the first two keys to individual or organizational change. Today we will look at the third key: “We have to actually think differently – and we have to do something different.” That might seem easy, but if it were, it would be commonplace – and it’s not. Why? Because we – as individuals or organizations – are creatures of habit and comfort, both of which protect the status quo. 

The bottom line is if we want something to change, we have to: 

Change how we think. Albert Einstein was right when he said, “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” If we keep thinking of leadership as being something that comes from the top of the corporate ladder, we’ll continue to miss out on the genius and passion that is within everyone. If we keep thinking we need more money to be happier, we’ll go after what makes us more money while ignoring our ability to be happier now. 

Change what we do. Einstein was right again when he said, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” We all want to be fit and healthy, have jobs we love, enjoy close relationships, and be happier. Companies want top talent, larger sales, and higher profit margins. We can have all of these things – but only if we change what we’ve been doing to get them. We cannot stick to our normal routines and expect these gifts to present themselves to us. 

Remember, the third key to change is “We have to actually think differently – and we have to do something different.” Something has to change to create change – and that something always involves altering our thinking and our behaviors. 

–Alan Allard, Career Coach

 

What Do You Love The Most About Your Pet?

Today is "Love Your Pet Day," a day to celebrate all of the joy that animals can bring into our lives. For many, their furry companions are more than a pet – they are their best friends. These faithful animals bring joy on the saddest of days and make us smile when nothing else can. So we asked the WomenWorking community: "What do you love the most about your pet?"

Web Editor Lindsay Putnam's cat helps herself to some water from the sink. Her family took her in off of the streets in Maine, and over time she has blossomed into a playful little thing!

Robin Faye Bronstein: Unconditional love...they love you just the way you are. 

Entrepreneur Secrets: They know when I'm feeling bad and sad. My dog even licks my tears away! Awesome creature. 

Teajai M Kimsey: My animals all have such unique, funny personalities

Amelia Ortega: My cockapoo used to drop his stuffed piglet on my head to wake me up in the morning so I would play with him. And he used to howl in tune when I played my recorder. 

Alyson Miller-Greenfield: They are models of unconditional love and immediate forgiveness!

Tara Shea: No matter what kind of day you are having, the smile they can instantly bring to your face!

Be sure to visit us on Facebook and Twitter, and share your own favorite pet stories below!

Career Coach: Discover What You Really Want

On Monday we looked at the first of our four keys to individual or organizational change. Today, we’re going to focus on the second key: “Be congruent about what we want.” Have your beliefs – conscious and subconscious – and your behaviors lined up and heading in the same direction.

The Problem: Just because we say we want something doesn’t mean we don’t have conflicts about it. For instance, you may want to lose weight, but you may also want to keep eating your favorite foods. Or you may say you want a better job, but then fail to do what it takes to earn it. We say we want change, but we also want to stay comfortable.

How does a lack of congruency affect the work environment? How about the manager who says he wants to develop his own team, but then refuses to hand anything off? Last week I met with the CEO of a company who chastised his team members for not filling an open position within the company. But they weren’t the problem – he was. He says he wants to hire the right person, but he won’t delegate the decision.

The solution: We have to be honest with ourselves about the conflicts we have going on inside ourselves or inside the company culture. It’s fine to say “I want to get promoted,” but then you have to admit that you feel insecure about the new responsibilities that come with the promotion. If we can put our finger on the fact that we want two things that are in conflict, at least we’re dealing with the facts. Honesty paves the way for change; lack of honesty stops change before it even has a chance.

Uncover your inner conflicts and be honest with yourself about what you really want. You may say, “I thought I wanted to find a better job, but now I see that I have been under so much stress that I don’t have the energy to focus on that. After looking at my priorities, it’s more important for me to focus on my family for the next six months, and then I can consider making a job change.” Being honest with yourself about competing priorities allows you to make a decision you can be congruent with – and that goes a long way in bringing about positive change.

–Alan Allard, Career Coach

 

Perfect Hors D'oeuvres For The Party Hostess

Inviting friends over to your place? If so, skip the store-bought veggie dips and cookie platters and treat your guests to a home cooked specialty. The best way to hit the spot in any crowd? Bruschetta – from the traditional to the obscure. We turned this trio of satisfying appetizers into a full-blown meal with homemade bread – be sure to pick up several fresh baguettes at your local bakery. 

Traditional Tomato Bruschetta

1 package cherry tomatoes
3 garlic cloves, minced
1 TBSP extra virgin olive oil
1 tsp balsamic vinegar 
8 fresh basil leaves, chopped
Salt and pepper to taste

-Halve the cherry tomatoes and place in a serving bowl. Add the minced garlic cloves, evoo, balsamic vinegar, chopped basil leaves, and season with salt and pepper. Keep in the refrigerator until ready to serve. 

White Bean and Olive Bruschetta

1 1/2 cups canned white beans 
3 plum tomatoes, seeded and chopped
1/4 cup chopped Kalamata olives
6 TBSP olive oil
4 garlic cloves, minced
8 fresh basil leaves, chopped

-Place beans in a large saucepan on medium heat. Mix in the chopped tomatoes, chopped olives, olive oil, minced garlic cloves, and chopped basil leaves. Stir for 5-10 minutes, or until the mixture starts to warm. Remove from heat. Serve at room temperature. 

Roasted Pepper and Bacon Bruschetta

3 medium red bell peppers
6 strips bacon, cooked and finely chopped
1 TBSP extra virgin olive oil
1 TBSP red wine vinegar
8 fresh basil leaves, chopped
Kosher salt

-Prepare your broiler for cooking. Place the peppers under direct heat, rotating every 3-5 minutes until blackened and blistering all over, 12-15 minutes total. Place the peppers in a bowl, cover with plastic wrap, and let stand for 15 minutes. Remove the peppers from the bowl and peel and discard the blackened skins. Discard the top and seeds, and finely chop the pepper. 
-Transfer chopped peppers to a medium-sized serving bowl. Combine with bacon, olive oil, red wine vinegar, chopped basil, and season with salt. Serve at room temperature. 

Presentation: Slice your baguettes into thin pieces. Lay them on a baking sheet, brush with a light coating of olive oil, and pop them in the oven for a minute or two until golden brown. Arrange bread on a platter alongside the three bruschettas, and let your guests help themselves. Add a small bowl of freshly grated parmesan cheese nearby to add to the mix. 

–Lindsay Putnam

 

Sasha DiGiulian Climbs to New Heights

Think you could balance the pressure of being a full-time student and a professional rock climber? Sasha DiGiulian, first-year student at Columbia University and world ranking leader in female outdoor sport climbing does it every day. The 20-year-old picked up the sport at her brother's birthday party in 1999, and has been blazing the trail for female rock climbing ever since. When not studying for her creative writing and business majors or hitting the gym, Sasha also serves as an athlete representative for the International Federation for Sport Climbing and is pushing to get rock climbing included in the 2020 Olympic Games. Watch as she shares the difficulties of balancing college and climbing, and how she copes with the stress of both.

Inspired by Sasha's athleticism? Read our interviews with other female athletes, including Olympic gold-medalist Kayla Harrison, sprinter Carmelita Jeter, and freeskier Grete Eliassen.

–Video by Nicolena Basso

Career Coach: Taking Responsibility for Change

We are told that it’s the strongest who survive – and it seems to make sense. But Charles Darwin would disagree: “It’s not the strongest of the species that survive, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change.” If that’s true when it comes to survival, what does it say about what it takes to thrive? What does it take to thrive as individuals, and as organizations? For one thing, change is required. Without change, we might thrive for a while, but not for long. 

So what does it take to create change on individual and organizational levels? Here are the four keys to change:

We have to take full responsibility for the change we want. 
We have to be congruent about what we want. 
We have to actually think differently and do something differently. 
We have to be patient until we find what works, and then be patient as we make mistakes, refine what we are doing, and then go at it again. 

You would think all of this is simple – it is; it’s just not easy. Let’s take a look at the first key to change – we will address the next three in the days ahead. 

The problem: In the corporate arena, leaders blame their employees and employees blame their leaders. In our personal lives, we blame the economy or our company for not having the career success we want. Thus, the big barrier to both organizational and personal change is taking full responsibility for our actions. 

Oftentimes, we don’t want to take responsibility for mistakes because doing so involves blame on some level – and blame involves shame. When we say we want to get fit, but then say we don’t know how or don’t have the time, we are deferring the blame for our lack of results to minimize our shame. Experiencing shame makes it difficult for us to take responsibility in our personal lives and in the workplace. Change will not happen until someone takes responsibility for leading it. 

The solution: In part, the solution is realizing that taking responsibility isn’t about blame or accusation. It’s about saying “It’s my job to make this better” without judgment. Real leaders have learned to accept responsibility instead of accusing others. Real leaders don’t blame their team for not following them – they ask themselves how they can learn to have a better influence over their team. 

When it comes to our personal lives, it is our emotional intelligence that allows us to take responsibility for what is in our life without accusing or blaming ourselves. It allows us to recognize that no one is coming to our rescue – it’s our job to learn how to get more of what we want in our career or personal life. It takes inner strength, self-love, and self-acceptance. Criticizing ourselves just creates internal resistance and an atmosphere of fear – all blocks to positive change. 

–Alan Allard, Career Coach