Heather Hansen's Blog, page 6

Your Toughest Jury Is You

Your toughest jury is you. I always tell my clients and my keynote speaking audiences that they have juries. Your jury is anyone you want to persuade, influence or convince. It might be your clients, customers, or investors. It could be your team, your family or your bank. And the way you convince any jury is by advocating. But your toughest jury is you. It’s that jury of voices inside your head that tell you you’re not enough, you can’t risk, you don’t want to fail. That’s the jury you want to persuade. Because if you can convince that jury, anyone else is easy.

And you do so by advocating. The same tools I teach my clients to use to advocate for yourself and your ideas in your career and your personal life can be used to with your jury of voices inside your head. Evidence is one example. Collect evidence of all of your successes so that when you doubt yourself you have proof of your competence. Questions are another. Question yourself, your doubts and your fears. And use perspective. Try to see things from as many points of view as possible, and then choose the one that best serves you.

Your toughest jury is you. And that’s good news. Because when you use the tools of an advocate to convince that jury, anyone else is easy. So get to work. Now, more than ever, you’ve got to advocate for yourself. If you’ve been waiting for someone else to do it for you, the wait is over. Everyone else is busy advocating for their ideas, their checkbooks, their wants and their needs. No one is coming to do it for you. And that is good news. Because it’s true that your toughest jury is you. But it’s also true that you are your own best advocate. No one can do it better than you. Start today. Advocate.

The post Your Toughest Jury Is You appeared first on Heather Hansen Presents.

Imposter Syndrome Is a Lie

When my clients tell me that they suffer from “Imposter Syndrome”, I tell them Imposter Syndrome is a lie. And it quite literally is. My clients come to me because they want to learn to advocate for themselves, their dreams, their ideas and their needs. They want to learn to ask for what they want, in a way that they’re most likely to get it. And I can help, but we have no time for Imposter Syndrome.

If you haven’t heard of Imposter Syndrome, it’s  a psychological pattern where one is afraid of being exposed as a fraud. It shows itself as a fear of doing hard things, because the person who has to do those things is afraid. So she blames her failure to act on Imposter Syndrome and then goes on to feel even more like an imposter. Good stuff.

I teach people to advocate for themselves with the tools of an advocate, and one of those tools is words. Words have enormous power. They hold energy and their meanings matter. We have to know what they mean in order to use them well. Imposter means “a person who pretends to be someone else in order to deceive others, especially for fraudulent gain”. No wonder Imposter Syndrome is such a problem. Imposter Syndrome is a lie. In the basest terms, it’s lying. But when my clients get ready to advocate for what they want they aren’t lying–they’re aspiring.

My clients don’t have Imposter Syndrome–they have Aspiring Syndrome. Aspiring is directing one’s hopes or ambitions towards become a specified type of person. They aren’t pretending to be someone else. They’re hoping to become the best version of themselves. And that is a good thing. One of my favorite quotes is from Michelangelo, about his famous statue of David. He said that when carving that statue he “saw the angel in the marble and carved until he set him free”. You know there’s an angel in your marble. You know it, you see it, and you want to set her free. That’s Aspiring Syndrome. And it’s a good thing.

You have to aspire in order to advocate. In my book The Elegant Warrior I talk about the difference between faking it until you make it and showing it until you grow it. Faking it=Imposter. Showing it=Aspiring. When you are faking it you feel like a liar, and then it’s no wonder you think you’re an imposter. You sort of are. But when you’re showing what you want to be, you’re not an imposter. You’re simply on your way.

Stop telling yourself you’re suffering from Imposter Syndrome. or that you’re trying to overcome Imposter Syndrome. That’s an excuse, it’s beneath you, and Imposter Syndrome is a lie. You’re not an imposter. You’re simply aspiring to be the best version of yourself. Aspiring Syndrome is not a lie. It’s the truth of who we are–always carving away at the marble, always trying to set the angel inside free.

The post Imposter Syndrome Is a Lie appeared first on Heather Hansen Presents.

Credibility Always Comes First

No matter what you want to win, credibility always comes first. You can’t win sales, attention, loyalty or engagement without it. For twenty years I’ve defended doctors in medical malpractice cases. If my juries didn’t find me credible, I couldn’t win. Game over. And you have the same challenge. If your jury of clients, customers, employees or investors don’t find you credible, you will lose.

Now I work with individuals and corporations to help them build their credibility. And sometimes they want to focus on other things. Authenticity was a trend for a while. Then it was vulnerability. And trust, of course, is a term often bandied about for leaders and those in sales. But while vulnerability, authenticity and trust are all valuable in their own ways and at their own time, credibility always comes first.

Let’s look at vulnerability. Vulnerability is defined as “the state of being exposed to harm”, and the root of the word is “wounded”. That’s not something I urge my clients to embrace. Though my clients are vulnerable, and probably more so than most. When they get up into the witness stand to advocate for themselves and what they did, they are exposing themselves to an adverse verdict. They could lose and so they are vulnerable. But we don’t focus on vulnerability and we sure don’t aim for it. Credibility comes first.

And you don’t want to expose yourself to harm either. You don’t want your business, your employees, your income or your potential to be wounded. Vulnerability has its place in some relationships, but even then I’d suggest that credibility comes first.

Now authenticity is a little different. It has many definitions, but one is really on trend right now. That definition of authenticity is “true to one’s personality, spirit or character” and the origin is “authentikos” or genuine. My clients could take the stand, turn to the jury and say “I’m scared you’ll find against me.” or “I’m mad that patient sued me.” That would be authentic. We wouldn’t use it to win.

And you won’t win with authenticity either. If you’re authentically feeling angry, cranky or bored, you don’t want to start screaming it from the rooftops. In fact, you are more likely to be successful in your career if you’re able to manage other’s impressions of you. When you manage impressions, you aren’t being authentic. You are “faking it until you make it”, or, as I describe it in my book The Elegant Warrior “showing it until you grow it”. You can show who you genuinely want to be and you will succeed. But that’s an aspirational authenticity–true to one’s potential–and not typical authenticity. Authenticity doesn’t win until you have credibility. Credibility always comes first.

Finally, you may have heard that trust will bring you success. You need to trust your clients, customers and team members, and they need to trust you. Trust is defined as a “firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability or strength of something.” And the root of the word trust is “strong”. I’d aspire to that, and I bet you would do. But aspiration isn’t now. And trust isn’t now. You have to earn it, over time. In business and in life you don’t always have the time.

I don’t have that kind of time in my trials. And you don’t have that kind of time either. Some of my trials take 2 weeks, some take 2 days. That is not enough time to build a strong belief in anything. It’s not enough time for trust. And you don’t have time either. You need new employees to contribute-now. You need customers you just met to buy-now. And you need clients you just encountered to engage-now. You don’t have time to build trust. That can come later. But you have time for credibility. Credibility always comes first.

The definition of credibility is “the quality of being believed.” And the origin of the word is credere–believe. You do have time to be believed. And once they believe you, you can be vulnerable. You can be authentic. And you can build that strong trust. But credibility always comes first.

Your focus should always be credibility. And you want to always be asking yourself “Am I credible?” “How can I be more credible?” “What can I do to build credibility here?” I can’t win my trials unless I am credible. And neither can you. Credibility always comes first.

The post Credibility Always Comes First appeared first on Heather Hansen Presents.

Video Calls Scare You

Do you know why video calls scare you? It isn’t just because you have to comb your hair, or you don’t want anyone to see that you aren’t wearing pants. The reason that video calls scare you involves your lizard brain, the part of your brain that is concerned with fight or flight. It wants you to survive, and it is always looking, feeling, smelling, listening and tasting for danger. And video calls make it nervous.

During a video call, many of your senses are useless. You can’t feel, smell, or taste the person on the other end of the call. And many neuroscientists believe that we have more than 5 senses. There are things like proprioception, which is the ability to sense another’s location relative to yours. There’s themoception, which is the ability to feel the heat coming off of another body. These are lost on video as well.

Most of your body’s senses don’t work on video. That means your lizard brain doesn’t know how close the person on the other end of that camera is. And that makes it nervous. So if video calls scare you, they scare others as well.

In my book, The Elegant Warrior-How to Win Life’s Trials Without Losing Yourself, I talk about how we must quiet our own lizard brains in order to succeed. That advice will work here too. But if you want to win your next video call, you want the people on the other end of the call (your “jury”) to like and believe you. So you must quiet the others’ lizard brains as well.

There are ways to do so. In my work helping people advocate for themselves over video we use my FOCUS Process. The S is “sharpen your presence”. Your body language (and tone, facial expressions and energy) can help you to make the person on the other end of the call feel safe. I share many ways to do this with my clients and I’ll share one with you.

Use your hands.

When people can’t see your hands, their lizard brains see you as a threat. You might be holding a weapon. So show them your hands and the threat decreases. In real life, that means using your hand motions often and well. On video, it means the same thing. But it also means that you must be sure that your shot is wide enough that people can see your hands. If your camera is too close to your face, they can’t see your hands. But if it’s too far away, you can’t make a connection. So find that sweet spot.

Find the spot where the camera has your face and your hands in the frame. This may mean piling your computer on books or a dresser, like I do. Then use your hands to explain your points. Often, that’s easier when you’re standing up. Play with it, and check yourself out before the call. This small investment in time can have huge returns.

There are other ways to overcome the lizard brain. If you want more help, send me an email at heather@advocatetowin.com or sign up for my email list here. But remember–there is a good reason that video calls scare you. And there are good ways to beat the fear.

The post Video Calls Scare You appeared first on Heather Hansen Presents.

How to be Interesting on Video

Many of my clients are coming to me lately asking how to be interesting on video. They’re having more and more video calls and Zoom conferences. So they want to know how to stand out, make an impression, and win the call. I’ve been sharing my FOCUS Process with my clients (and on my blog, here), and the F of that process helps them to be more interesting on video.

F: Figure out your jury. You have a jury. Your jury is anyone you can to persuade or influence. For some of you it might be your boss, your team members, your clients or your customers. For others it might be your college friends that you’re seeing on Zoom for the first time in years. The people on the other end of that camera are your jury. When you want to influence or persuade your jury, you need to understand them. And if you want to be interesting on video, you have to be interested in your jury.

During jury selection at trial, we try to find out as much as possible about our juries. We have jury questionnaires which explore who they are, where they’re from, what they do, and how they live. But we only have minutes to review those questionnaires. Then, if we’re lucky, we get to have very short conversations with them where we do our best to explore whether they can be fair. And that’s is. Next, we have to work to influence and persuade these people with the information we have.

But you have a huge advantage. Before most of your calls and conferences you have the opportunity to figure out your jury a little more thoroughly. Who will be on that call? Find out as much about them as you can. Look them up on LinkedIn, Facebook and Instagram. Find out what they love, what they hate, and what makes them worried. Then speak to that during the call.

I’ve seen this work in the courtroom. I once had a case where the jury was getting bored. Their attention would wander, and they’d even doze off. Two of the least engaged were a construction worker and a carpenter. When I had to put my expert on video for his testimony, I was nervous. If they were falling asleep during live testimony, how could we engage them with a video? My expert had the answer.

During his video testimony, he compared the surgery to building a house. And immediately, those two jurors were engaged. They leaned forward, nodded their heads, and took notes. When he spoke directly to the jury’s interests, they responded with obvious interest. And now we were getting somewhere!

You can engage your “jury” too. Figure out who they are, what they want, how they work. Then speak to that. That’s how to be interesting on video.

The post How to be Interesting on Video appeared first on Heather Hansen Presents.

How to be Charismatic on Video

Do you want to know how to be charismatic on video? Now that more and more of your calls and meeting are by video, many of you do. For over 20 years I’ve seen attorneys use videotaped depositions at trial. I’ve used them myself. And those experiences have taught me a lot about how to help my clients/experts be charismatic on video.

But first, a little about what happens if you aren’t charismatic. People fall asleep. I learned this when I was a young law student. I started serving as the second chair attorney at trials as soon as I graduated law school, and I learned a lot. But the biggest surprise was this–juror fall asleep. They do it often. Usually it happens after lunch and most often when the court officer rolls in a screen and we pop in a video. Videos can be boring.

But with a little bit of charisma, you can change that. The definition of charisma is a special magnetic charm, and the origin of the word is “special gift”. We all have our special gifts, and we can use them on video. When you are charismatic on video, you will better engage your clients, customers, team members and managers. And it’s simple–but not easy.

I have a 5 part FOCUS process that will help you. (More on that here). But if you want to know how to be charismatic on video, first you have to know your “jury”. That is the F of the FOCUS process. Figure out your jury.

And you do have your jury. Everyone does. Your jury is the people you want to persuade or influence. In each video call you do, your jury will be different. Sometimes it’s your managers and your team. Other times it is a potential client or a customer. The better you know your jury, the more charismatic you will be. The gift you are giving is the gift of your attention and your interest. And when you speak to what you jury wants and cares about, they become more interested in you.

And you have an advantage that I don’t have. My trials aren’t like what you see on the TV show Bull. I don’t get to dive deep into my jury’s likes, dislikes or needs. But you do! You usually know who you will be on a video call/conference with, and you can figure out a little bit about them. What are they worried about? What do they need? How can you serve?

Use that information to craft a message that speaks directly to your jury. Tell them how and why you want to serve them. Uses words that speak directly to their experience. When you do you’ll see their eyes light up. They’ll lean forward with interest. And they’ll be drawn to your charisma. You’ll have given them the gift of your attention and your interest, and that is the first secret behind how to be charismatic on video.

The post How to be Charismatic on Video appeared first on Heather Hansen Presents.

5 Ways to Win Your Next Video Call or Conference

Here are 5 ways to win your next video call or conference.

Because you might be doing a lot more video than you’re used to, and I want to help.

If you’re like most of my consulting clients, your world has changed and suddenly you’re doing all of your communicating on video.

Where you used to sell in person, now you’re scheduling meetings with your customers on Google hangouts. You used to meet with your manager, or those you manage, once a week in person. Now you’re meeting daily, on Zoom. While you’d planned to negotiate your next raise in a conference room, now you’re doing it in a Webex conference. And you’re afraid that you don’t know how.

It’s hard enough to advocate for your product, your team, your ideas and yourself in person. But doing it on video is even more intimidating. You want to appear confident, clear and charismatic. I can help.

For over 20 years I’ve been advocating for my clients in the courtroom. More importantly, I’ve been teaching them to advocate for themselves. I represent doctors when they’re sued, and ultimately the jury doesn’t decide the case based on what I have to say. They decide based on what my clients and my experts have to say. So I’ve given my clients the tools to advocate to win. And in recent years, as we’ve moved to videotaped depositions, I’ve used my television experience to give them the tools to win there as well.

Now you need to win on video. To win is to receive something positive because you have earned it. What is your something positive? It might be a sale, a raise, a new job or a new boundary. And how do you earn it? You earn it by advocating. And now, more and more, that means advocating on video. In order to do so, you have to FOCUS. Not only does that mean you have to focus on the call, with minimal distractions and maximum presence, but it also means that you have to use these 5 Keys to FOCUS the interaction. When you do, you will be far more likely to win.

Here are the 5 Keys to Winning Your Next Video Call or Conference
F: Figure out your “jury”

Everyone has their jury of customers, clients, team members or managers. If you’re lucky, you get to choose your jury. If you’re not lucky, your job is to convert them into people who see the world the way you see it. And that starts with figuring out who they are. In a videoconference or a video call, your jury is going to be the people on the call with you. Find out as much about them as you can. What is worrying them, and what do they need? Try to see the world through their perspective. Because that’s the only way you will change it. And before you get on the call, take a look at their LinkedIn profiles, Instagram accounts, and any old emails you have with them. The more you find out about your jury, the better the call/conference will go

O: Organize Your Evidence.

Just like a trial attorney, you have evidence. Data about your results, statistics about outcomes, stories of happy managers, testimonials from clients, and pictures of the product are all pieces of evidence that you will be using to win on the videoconference. Start by compiling a list of all of the evidence you want to use. Then start organizing it. You can use my proprietary Win/Lose/Weird process to determine which evidence is going to be most helpful to you. Then you can move to my 7x7w system to determine how your jury will best receive the evidence. Go into the conference or call knowing the evidence you want to use and how you want to use it.

C: Create Your Exhibits

Find tangible ways to share the evidence you plan to present in the conference with your jury. It may make sense to create an infographic or a chart with statistics and data you plan to discuss. You might even want to create a video/audio of a happy client sharing a testimonial. Or it may simply be a spreadsheet of all of the information you plan to share.

You want to keep your jury in mind and consider what exhibit will best help them understand what you need and give it to you. You also want to make the exhibits self explanatory, so that your jury could understand them without much explanation. Then share the exhibit with your jury–before the conference. Ideally you’ll email your materials to everyone who will attend the conference (your jury) 24 hours or less before the conference with a note letting them know these are some of the things you plan to reference. This is especially important if your conference is with a busy CEO or entrepreneur. They want to go into the conference prepared, and your preparation in this step brings you closer to a win.

U: Use Your Ears.

When I work with clients on advocating by video, they often want to focus on their body language. Or they’re worried about their tone. But I urge my clients to be less focused on how they present and more focused on how they receive. This is especially true on video.

People want to be heard, and they love anyone who seems to listen to them. So be that person. Put down the phone and look at the screen/camera. Nod and engage with the speaker. Don’t look away, and please do NOT walk away. Show whomever is speaking during a conference call that you are listening.

First of all, this is how you will get to know your jury. When you listen, you just might hear the very thing that will bring you a win. Moreover, this will make your jury feel far more connected to you. They will want to return the favor and listen to you more closely. Listening is an advocate’s super power, and it may be your greatest tool on video calls and conferences.

S: Strengthen Your Presence

This is where you use your body language, your tone of voice and facial expressions. And I have a LOT to say about this. But some basic points are to try standing up rather than sitting. It makes it more likely that your jury will see your hands, which we know is important when advocating. It also opens up your posture and your lungs, so your tone of voice is better. And get close enough to the camera that your jury can see your face, but not so close that they can’t see your hands. Finally, be aware of your lighting. A good rule of thumb is the light should be behind the camera, not behind you.

FOCUS-the 5 Ways to Win Your Next Video Call or Conference

These are my 5 ways to win your next video call or conference. I know they work because I’ve helped hundreds of clients advocate to win on video with these tools. No matter what your win may be, and no matter who your jury, when you use FOCUS you will win. Let me know how they work for you!

The post 5 Ways to Win Your Next Video Call or Conference appeared first on Heather Hansen Presents.

Self Isolation and Self Advocacy

Let’s talk about self isolation and self advocacy. I live alone. That means that even before the “new normal” of self isolation, quarantine, and social distancing, sometimes I felt isolated. And now, everything is heightened. But that’s not only true for those of us who live alone. When everyone around you could be dangerous, we all feel more isolated, anxious and afraid.

This is the perfect time to start advocating for ourselves.

Self advocacy is when you ask for what you need. And my consultancy is focused on giving clients the tools to advocate for their ideas, their clients, their customers and their teammates. But the most important part of advocating is advocating for what you need. That is the heart of all I do.

It’s not easy. It can be the hardest thing you’ll ever have to do. It takes so much guts, and vulnerability, and a wide open heart to say:

“I’m anxious, and I need reassurance.”

Or “I’m scared, and I need a good laugh.”

“I’m isolated, and I need to FaceTime so I can look in the eyes of someone who loves me.”

But this is why we do the work. This is why I teach my clients to advocate, so that ultimately they can advocate for themselves and their needs. If there is a silver lining to the potential of forced self isolation, it’s that it will also force self advocacy.

Please, see this as an opportunity to start asking for what you need. And do it over and over again. We may be forced by current circumstances to keep our bodies inside our homes. (And I hope that isn’t true for you). But your heart won’t be contained. Put your gutsy, vulnerable, wide open heart out there and ask for what you need, over and over, until you get it.

The post Self Isolation and Self Advocacy appeared first on Heather Hansen Presents.

How Women Can Be More Confident and Advocate for Themselves

As we approach Women’s Day, I want to share how women can be more confident and advocate for themselves. You know that I wish I could do it for you. But I can’t. You have to do it for yourself. And it’s simple really. And you can learn it from people like Andre Agassi, LeBron James, Pele, Charles de Gaule and Salvador Dali.

Start talking to yourself in the third person.

“Come on Andre, get it together.”

“LeBron James has to do what’s best for LeBron James.”

They do it all the time. And studies show it works. It’s called illeism, and it is when you talk to yourself, or about yourself, in the third person. I’ve told you about this before–because it’s that important. If you want to be the best possible advocate for yourself and your ideas, you have to hire yourself to be your own best advocate.

And that means it makes sense to externalize yourself.

“Heather is ready to speak to her boss.” “Alright, Heather. You’ve done the work and collected the evidence. You’re built your credibility. Now it is time to go in there and advocate.”

Studies show this works. It makes people feel more confident, both before and after the event they’re facing. It actually lights up different areas of the brain when you talk to yourself this way, and leads to less negative self talk. Illeism is a great way to hire yourself to be your own best advocate. And as we get ready to celebrate Women’s Day, this is one way women can be more confident and advocate for themselves.

One thing that may help is a talisman. It seems that if you have something to remind yourself that you’ve hired yourself, it may be easier to step into that persona. For me, at trials, it used to be a ponytail. When I put in my ponytail I was Heather Hansen, the trial attorney. She could object and overcome objections with ease. And he was confident, well spoken and always ready.

When you need your own talisman, I’m here to help. If you’ve listened to The Elegant Warrior podcast, or read my book, The Elegant Warrior, all you have to do is write a review for iTunes or Amazon. Send me a screen shot to heather@advocatetowincom, with your mailing address, and I will send you an Advocate bracelet.

It will help you step into your role as an advocate. You will hire yourself. And you will win.

The post How Women Can Be More Confident and Advocate for Themselves appeared first on Heather Hansen Presents.

Be A Better Negotiator

You can be a better negotiator. You negotiate every day–for more money, more time, more compassion, or more help. It might be that you’re asking for a raise. Maybe you’re looking to work from home, or leave early on Wednesdays. Perhaps you want your partner to do more of the housework. The root of the word negotiate is “not leisure”.

If you’re not resting, you’re not negotiating. Let’s get better at it.

When we communicate we share perspectives, but when we advocate we change them. And when we negotiate, we want the other party to see things through our perspective. But first we have to see theirs. I learned that lesson, and two ways to be a better negotiator, from a failed negotiation. You can use these lessons to be a better negotiator too.

I represent doctors when they are sued. In this case, the patient had a nerve injury and sued the doctor. She said he had been negligent and we disagreed. We tried the case, but the jury couldn’t agree so we had to declare a mistrial. After the trial, the jury wanted to talk to us.

We discovered that the eight of the jury members agreed with me, and my client. And four agreed with the patient. In my cases ten of the twelve jurors have to agree. We were getting ready to retry the case, but also recognized that there was risk on either side. That’s a perfect setup for a settlement.

We made an offer, and the patient’s attorney liked it. I could see it in his body language and his facial expression, and I heard it in his tone. He said he’d recommend it to his client. But she said no. The judge called her in and urged her to take the offer.

Without hesitation, she said no.

It was especially strange because she had wanted to settle the case before the first trial. We knew she wasn’t refusing on principle. And the money we had offered was fair. But then I realized that we’d been approaching the settlement all wrong. We weren’t seeing things through the patient’s perspective.

This patient was from another country, and she didn’t speak English. She lived alone, and didn’t work. In fact, she rarely left her house. But during the first trial, she interacted with people every day. She had a translator who spoke with her in her native language all day long. And the trial was interesting and engaging. Every day during both trials, every time I looked at her, she was grinning. She loved the process.

If we had seen things from her perspective, we would have known that. And by seeing things through her perspective, we could have used some creativity to get her what she wanted. Maybe we could have found somewhere for her to go every day to interact with others. Perhaps we could have allotted some of the settlement monies to finding someone to come to her home for a few hours a week. But we didn’t have perspective, and we didn’t use creativity, so we failed.

When you’re negotiating, you need perspective and creativity. These two things will help you to be a better negotiator, no matter what you are trying to get. Let’s take negotiating for a raise. See the job through your boss’ perspective, and you’ll see she’s concerned about team morale. Next, use your creativity to find a way to best explain how you contribute to team morale, and how that should be compensated more fairly.

When you see things the way your boss sees them, you can think like she thinks, feel as she feels and then act with creativity. That’s how you get a win.

We won that case, so my doctor was happy. But the patient was grinning as well. Maybe she got what she wanted–whether we saw it or not.

The post Be A Better Negotiator appeared first on Heather Hansen Presents.