Heather Hansen's Blog, page 9

Want to Win? Time to Think

As a trial attorney, it’s my job to win. And I love winning. But even more than I love winning, I love talking to my keynote and workshop participants about winning. I love talking about winning even more than Charlie Sheen did. I love sharing how anyone can use the tools of a trail lawyer to win. While a trial is a zero sum game, outside the courtroom things are different. The Cambridge dictionary defines win as “to receive something positive because you have earned it”. This definition allows everyone to win. Before you can win, though, you have to think.

You can’t win until you know what you want. What is the “something positive”? You can’t get to work earning it, until you get to work thinking about what it is. Then you have to think about how you earn it. Only then can you start making progress. Thinking always comes first.

We don’t think much anymore. Phones, computers, media and life seem to get in the way. I just read The Road Less Stupid by Keith J Cunningham. He argues that we should have an hour of Thinking Time, 2-3 times a week, and he suggests some fascinating questions for that Thinking Time. I’d add two.

What is a win? And how do I earn it?

If you don’t know the answers to these questions, you will never win. At trial, it is so easy for an attorney’s ego or education to get in the way. Lawyers want to look smart to the expert, so they confuse the jury. They want to make the objection, so they miss the key piece of evidence. If an attorney isn’t utterly focused on what a win is, the ego can quickly take over. That’s how we lose.

That’s how you lose too. If you want to start advocating for yourself, speaking publicly in support of your ideas, your business and your needs, you need to start thinking. Take the time to consider what a win is. Then you can ask the right questions, make the right objections, make and keep the right promises, and use the right evidence to get you there. #winning

 

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I Had to Fire Myself

Something happened recently. I’m not proud, but I have to tell you about it. Last week I had to fire myself. It was the perfect storm. It happened after a long week of challenging days. They were those slow and quiet days of August. August has always been a slow month for me. Courts are slower, people are away, and there seems that there is less work to be done. But for me, there wasn’t. I had a plan. The slow days of August were when I was going to focus on honing my keynote speech and my workshops. This is solitary work. No one can do it for you, or even with you. So I was bored. And boredom is dangerous for this particular employee.

The final straw happened at 2pm on a Wednesday afternoon. I’d been writing and researching all morning, and had hours of slide creation ahead of me. I was still in my tennis skirt and a t shirt, with my hair in a ponytail, from the only break I was supposed to take all day. I’d gone out to get a salad, and when I returned home I found myself drawn to the television. I can’t tell you exactly what happened, but the next thing I knew I was eating the salad with one hand while I watched an episode of WWHL on the DVR, phone in my other hand so I could simultaneously scroll through Instagram.

Remember this was at 2pm on a Wednesday! And I wasn’t on vacation! And let’s be honest–it wasn’t the first time I’d caught myself like this! I realized what was going on and I actually said it out loud. “That’s it. You’re fired.” I had to fire myself.

If you’ve been to my keynotes or read my blogs you know I talk a lot about hiring yourself. I urge you to hire yourself to be your own advocate. Hiring yourself works because you’ll often do for others what you won’t do for yourself, and that’s especially true when it comes to advocating for yourself. Asking for what you want, negotiating, and being your own champion can be hard. When you imagine that you’re hiring yourself to do those things, and start treating yourself as a client, often the results will amaze you.

On the other hand, though, we sometimes allow ourselves to get away with things others would never even try. If I walked into my office and a team member was eating a salad while watching Bravo and scrolling through Instagram– I’d have a lot to say about that, and none of it would be good. And if it happened again (and again…..) I’d have to let that team member go. When you don’t take the job, yourself and your responsibilities seriously, it’s time to take yourself elsewhere.

Hypocrisy is one of my biggest pet peeves, so I had no choice. I had to to fire myself. I wasn’t living up to the expectations that I’d clearly set for myself that week. Nor was I keeping the promises I’d made. I lost credibility; I lost opportunity; and ultimately I lost the job.

The good news is I got to start again. I rewrote the job description and reset my expectations. I created a structure that made it more likely that my next hire will succeed. It’s a good thing, because my new hire is….me. I know I’ve got a lot of potential.

Is it time for you to fire yourself? Are you not living up to your own expectations in your business, or your relationships? Are you failing to advocate for yourself or neglecting taking care of your health? Try firing yourself. Then regroup, reset expectations and start again. I know you’ve got a lot of potential too.

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Are You an Advocate? You’d Better Be.

Are you an advocate? If you want success, no matter what it is you do, the answer is a resounding yes. The definition of advocate is one who speaks in support of something. If you don’t know how to speak in support of your ideas, your business, your team or yourself, you will never realize your potential.

If you’re a leader, you advocate for your culture and your team. You’re a real estate professional? Every day you advocate for your clients. If you’re in marketing, advocating is key. When you’re in customer experience, you’re advocating for your product. Negotiating a deal or a raise? If you don’t advocate, you’re leaving something on the table. No matter what you do–the more you embrace advocacy and do it well, the better off you will be.

Lawyers are known by many names (not all of them nice). Attorney, litigator, counselor (which my psychology degree allows me to embrace) and advocate. And the tools we trial lawyers use to advocate for our clients at trial are transferable. You can use the tools of a trial lawyer to win–more sales, more attention, more loyalty and more engagement.

In my book, The Elegant Warrior-How to Win Life’s Trials Without Losing Yourself, I go through many of those tools and how you can use them to advocate in your life. You can use the tools I use to pick a jury to choose employees. When you need to support a pitch, collect evidence the way I do to support my case. And questions–they are an advocate’s secret weapon. We use them to learn, to challenge, to build a case and to knock one down. Objections, persuasion, credibility and conflict resolution are all the tools of a trial lawyer that you can use as you advocate your way to success. Go beyond storytelling and start advocating.

If you’ve never considered yourself an advocate, start now. Look at the ways trial lawyers advocate for their clients and do the same for yourself. Use your voice.Ask questions, master objections, use evidence and build credibility. Become your own best advocate. No one can do it better than you.

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Storytelling Isn’t Enough. Advocate.

There’s a lot of interest in storytelling right now. People are using it in sales, marketing and branding, and for good reason. Stories are how we communicate, and they help us remember. We’re all telling stories. Parents tell the story of why children should eat their vegetables. Doctors tell the story of how you should exercise. Entrepreneurs, teachers, salespeople, marketers–every day, you tell your story. And knowing how to do it well is important. But you can’t stop there. In order to win sales, attention, loyalty and engagement, you have to go beyond storytelling and start advocating.

As a trial attorney, I learned this the first time I stepped into the courtroom. There was one set of facts. My job was to tell the jury a story about those facts. But all the while, my opponent was telling a very different story. If I wanted to win, I couldn’t just tell my client’s story. I had to advocate for it. This meant I had to ask better questions, make and overcome objections and listen well. I had to build credibility and persuade. When you have competing stories, advocacy wins.

And there is always a competing story. An entrepreneur competes for time, money and attention. If you’re in sales, you’re competing with the other seller. In marketing, you’re competing with all of the other brands and content vying for your client’s attention. If you’re in healthcare, as you tell the story of the benefits of exercise you compete with the pull of the couch. A parent’s story of delicious vegetables competes with even more delicious cookies. There are so many stories, so many distractions, so many pieces of content competing with you. The only way to win is to start using the tools of a trial lawyer. Be your own advocate.

You can do this with the tools of a trial lawyer. Ask questions, then really listen to the answers. When we talk about storytelling we often ignore story listening. Do so at your peril. Learn to object, and to overcome objections. Build credibility one promise and one expectation at a time. Work on persuasion. Trial attorneys have no choice but to use these tools. As advocates, it’s our job to win. But guess what? It’s your job too–no matter what you do. And no one can do it better than you.

Facts Tell. Stories Sell. But Advocacy Wins. Want to win? Learn to Advocate.

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Build Credibility and Keep It

Everyone wants to build credibility, and keep it. Here’s the key–start with yourself. It’s been over two years since I started my weekly blog. When I started, I committed to doing a video and a blog newsletter every Thursday, without fail. I made myself a promise, and set myself an expectation. For any of you who have read my book, The Elegant Warrior, or attended any of my corporate keynotes, you know that credibility is a big part of winning. You can’t win–sales, clients, attention or loyalty–if people don’t find you credible. Credibility is the foundation of trust. And you also have to trust yourself. 

That means when I make myself a promise, I really try to keep it. And when I set an expectation, I really try to meet it. So I did. I put out a video with a blog every Thursday, even when it was hard. It’s been so much fun, and also so much work! I love it, and I love your feedback every week. But now it’s time for me to make myself some new promises and set myself some new expectations. 

More and more corporations and associations are asking me to do keynotes. I want to serve them well. And that means tailoring the talk to each group. It also means travel. In addition, I’m writing for more publications. So I’m going to be cutting back on my videos and newsletters.  I want to let you know that you won’t be getting a newsletter every week. I want to maintain my credibility with you. 

That doesn’t mean you won’t be hearing from me at all. If you’re subscribed to my newsletter you’ll be the first to know about some great things I have in the works for the fall and in 2020. You’ll be the first to know about some special things happening for the podcast, the book and some live events. You see,  I’m making new promises and setting new expectations with you as well. 

When you make a promise, keep it. When you set an expectation, meet it. And when you can no longer do so, explain. I have to practice what I preach. Credibility is that important. See you soon!

 

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Advocacy Wins–the Presidency

Want proof that advocacy wins? Look to history. President Chester Arthur served as President from 1881-1885. He was rumored to have owned over 80 pairs of pants and he received four marriage proposals on his last day in office. His nickname was “Elegant Arthur”. For those who have asked whether my book, The Elegant Warrior, is for men, Arthur is proof that men are elegant.

He is also proof that facts tell, stories sell, but Advocacy wins. President Arthur was a lawyer before he became President. In fact, the majority of past US Presidents passed the bar before they became President. There were 25 of them, including  Adams, Jefferson, Monroe, Filmore, Lincoln, FDR, Nixon, Clinton, Obama and, of course, Elegant Arthur. These men knew how to advocate, and advocacy certainly helped them win.

There’s a focus on storytelling lately, especially in business. In fact, many have written about Abraham Lincoln as a storyteller. Lincoln knew how to tell a story, but he didn’t stop there. Lincoln wasn’t just storytelling. He was advocating. 

Whether at trial or in his run for President, Lincoln didn’t just tell stories. He chose people (his staff, Generals, confidantes) Lawyers do this all the time at jury selection. He also asked questions, overcame objections, and objected when it was necessary. Lincoln collected evidence to use as proof. He built his credibility by setting expectations and meeting them, making promises and keeping them. When Lincoln was telling stories he used his body, his facial expressions and his tone of voice. These are the tools of a trial lawyer, and he used them to advocate for his clients in the courtroom and for himself on the campaign trail.  

No matter what you want to win–a customer, a client, a sale, an argument, someone’s attention, or the Presidency–you need to learn to advocate. That means making connections, using curiosity, and building credibility. It means story listening as much as story telling. When you go beyond storytelling and start advocating, you’ll start winning. Maybe you’ll even be our next President….. 

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Facts Tell, Stories Sell. But Advocacy Wins

If you want to win–a client, a customer, a sale, or the attention of a student or loved one, you have to learn to advocate. Let me show you what I mean.

Imagine you’re a surgeon, and a patient lays dying on your table. As you work desperately to save her life, you look up to see another surgeon, across the table from you, trying  just as desperately–to kill your patient.

When I first became a trial attorney, that’s how an older attorney described our job to me. If you could have heard my inner voice at that moment, it was saying “Oh. Heck. No. I’m out of here.”  Fortunately, I stayed and even though in the midst of a trial it does feel that way, he was not quite right. It’s more like this. I’m given a set of facts and I have tell a story about those facts. But all the while there’s someone across the room from me using the exact same set of facts and telling an entirely different story. Ultimately, the best advocate wins.  And you’re an advocate too. 

If you’re in sales or marketing, you’re advocating for your product, while your competitor advocates for hers. When you’re an educator, your story has to beat the distraction of the phone and the other students. You’re in customer experience, healthcare, the law?  No matter what you do, if you want your story to win -be the better advocate. 

Facts tell. Stories sell. But Advocacy wins. So start thinking, and acting, like an advocate. The best way to begin is to act like a trial lawyer.  Ask questions and overcome objections. Use creativity and curiosity to make connections with the people you serve. Show compassion. And build credibility to persuade your  “jury” to choose your story. With the tools of a trial lawyer you can go beyond story telling to advocating. And that’s how you win.

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Have an Opportunity? Take It.

In one of my keynote speeches, I tell the story of a time I stood in front of a set of stairs that led up to a Philadelphia row home.  I had to climb those stairs, step into the home of a dying man and take his deposition. This is part of my job. I defend doctors when they’re sued for negligence. That means sometimes I have to depose patients who are catastrophically injured. Sometimes they’re dying. And part of my job is to take their depositions, which really just means I get to ask them questions. 

I focus my questions on the issues in the case, but I also believe curiosity and compassion are key to being a good advocate. So if a patient starts talking about her life, I ask her questions. If another wants to discuss his family, more questions. And most often what these patients want to discuss is missed opportunities. Obviously, we are there because these patients and their attorneys believe that the doctor I represent missed an opportunity to make them better. But often, these patients want to express regret at the opportunities they’ve missed as well. 

“We didn’t go on vacation”.

“I never got my MBA”.

“I didn’t take the tennis lessons I was saving up for”.

“I never told my child how much I love him”.

Again and again, these patients focus on opportunities they had and didn’t take. And again and again, I learn from these patients that I have to take the opportunities that come my way. So do you. When an opportunity comes your way, take it. Embrace what could be, so you don’t have to regret what could have been. 

I often say I collect experiences. If I have an opportunity, I tend to go for it even if I miss. When you’ve heard hundreds dying patients say they wish they’d taken those opportunities, you learn to take yours.  I’m forever grateful to these patients. I take their depositions, and they give me so much more. 

 

 

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How to Be Wiser, Improve Decision Making and See Others’ Perspectives

Who doesn’t want to be wiser, improve decision making and see others’ perspectives more clearly? It’s possible, but the best way to make it happen feels quite ridiculous. If you want to  improve decision making and the ability to see others’ perspectives, you should talk about yourself in the third person. 

Heather is feeling a little bit discouraged. She is passionate about helping businesses and individuals become better advocates for themselves, their ideas, and their work. And she knows that they can use the tools of a trial lawyer to become their own best advocates. But she is worried that her message is getting lost in all of the content out there.  She doesn’t know how to break through, and she is considering just giving up. What should Heather do? 

The answer may be in the question. As I’ve mentioned here before, studies show that if you talk about yourself in the third person it reduces anxiety, improves performance, and reduces shame, negativity and rumination.

And now a recent study shows that talking about oneself in the third person increases wisdom, decision making and the ability to see others’ perspectives. It’s called “illeism”, and it works. When you talk about yourself and your emotions in the third person, you remove yourself from the equation. Everything becomes less personal, and you can see things more clearly. 

This is why I always tell my client to imagine they’re hiring themselves to advocate for them. You want a raise? Hire your inner advocate to negotiate. Want more time with your partner? Hire your inner advocate to explain what you need. And do you want to break through the noise on the internet? Hire your inner advocate to help weigh the pros and cons of next steps.

There’s a reason that Beyonce has Sasha Fierce. She has said that when she is nervous, her alter ego Sasha Fierce appears. LeBron James, Andre Agassi and Floyd Mayweather Jr do it too. 

It works for them because it works. The evidence is clear. So Heather Hansen is hiring Heather Hansen to advocate for Heather Hansen. I can’t wait to see what she does!

 

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Knock Over the Microphone

If you want to make a point,  knock over the microphone. 

When doctors are sued, they’re vulnerable, confused, angry and upset. And when it is time for them to testify, they often get quite nervous. Courtrooms are very different from operating rooms, and doctors aren’t comfortable in this new environment. When they have to climb up to that stand, face the jury and testify- things can get even more scary. I often try to distract the doctor with a story right before they testify. Recently, I was afraid this had backfired.

I’d been reading the book Captivate, and was struck by a study therein which said that the speakers whose TED talks were viewed the most used almost twice as many hand gestures as those with the least watched TED talks. This study fascinated me, as I study the power of body language and work to use that power when I can. I mentioned the book and the study to my doctor in the hours before he testified, not realizing just how much he would take it to heart.

He got up on the stand and turned to the jury, eager to explain what he did and why. He was ready to teach them the medicine he knew so well. And apparently he was also eager to use his hands to do so. He waved them, swung them and used them to make his points. In a crescendo of movement, he knocked over the microphone with a loud bang. I sat, transfixed and nervous. What would the jury think?

They thought he wasn’t negligent, and we won that case. The gestures certainly may have helped. Studies show we trust people more if we can see their hands. When your hands are hidden, you might have a weapon and therefore you’re a threat. But show your hands, and suddenly the listener is open to letting you show them your side of the story. You’re in the position to start advocating.

No matter what you do–salesperson, doctor, lawyer, parent–using your hands will help you get your message across.   Don’t be afraid to knock over the microphone. It might be the key to success. 

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