Heather Hansen's Blog, page 5

Be Where Your Feet Are-One Way to Be More Productive

“Be where your feet are.” I don’t know the origin of this quote, but I heard Bob Goff repeat it in a recent podcast interview. (I love anything Bob does and just bought his latest, Dream Big, here). While I heard this quote long ago, it resonated even more this time. During the pandemic one of the things I’ve struggled with is focus and presence. I’m always wondering what I’m missing (the answer is usually “Not much.”) and what other people are doing (the answer is usually “Not much”.). I let my mind wander, even when my feet stay at my standing desk.

But when I remember to be where my feet are, my work is better. I feel more grounded. And I’m far more productive. And, as this study shows, I’m much more likely to be happy when I’m all in with what I’m doing and not letting my mind or my feet wander.

One thing that helps me is time blocking. I’ve been time blocking since I was in law school. I’d cut index cards in half and lay out my day, hour by hour, every morning. This practice may kept me focused, productive and happy. It has helped me to create time for my feet to be where I need them to be. Time blocking has made me so effective at doing what I had to do in the time I have to do it that I actually have more time for fun. It has served me well. But many of my coaching clients hate it.

They even hate the term-time blocking. Because they find it rigid (and they don’t want to be rigid), they refuse to even consider it. So I had to come up with a new way of looking at it. Two of the tools of an advocate that I share with my clients are words and perspective. If my clients could change the way they see time blocking (perspective) and change what they call it (words), they might be more likely to embrace it. And so I went to work and found something that works for most of them.

Instead of time blocking, they use task loving. When you’re really loving something, you’re giving it all of your attention. Think about the times that you’re most full of love for your partner, your kids, your pet or even yourself. Are you also watching TV, looking at your phone or doing work? I’d bet the answer is no. I bet you’re giving that thing that you love all of your attention at that moment. Your entire focus is on that thing that you love. And that’s how you can address the tasks in your day as well.

First, you want to find a way to love the task. One of the tasks I do weekly is looking at my business’ finances. I don’t love the task. But I do investing the money that my business makes in new employees, new marketing endeavors and new education to make me a better coach. Now that I’ve found a reason to love the task, I set aside time once a week to do so. From 3-4 pm on Friday afternoons, I love accounting. I sit down in front of Quickbooks and I give my money my full attention. Nothing can distract me, and there’s nowhere else I have to be. My business account is getting all of my love.

This works for my client and part of the reason is that it isn’t about excluding the way that time blocking is. Instead, it’s including one thing in your heart and mind at a time. Mother Teresa once said “I was once asked why I don’t participate in anti-war demonstrations. I said that I will never do that, but as soon as you have a pro-peace rally, I’ll be there.” She was focused on loving rather than blocking out hate. You can focus on what you’re doing rather than blocking out what you aren’t. This tweak allows my clients to focus on being pro the task at hand, loving that task, rather than hating the distraction. And for them, that perspective and those words matter. It helps them to be where their feet are.

So if you get freaked out by time blocking, don’t do it. Try task loving instead. One by one, take each task you have to do in a day or a week, and write down when you’ll love it. Maybe you’ll love working on your business plan for an hour every Monday. Or maybe you’ll love making your house clean and organized for you and your family for 2 hours every Saturday morning. Decide what to love and for how long. And then go all in on your loving. Give your task all you’ve got. You’ll find yourself just as productive as if you had time blocked. When you can be where your feet are, you’ll find those feet will take you much farther.

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Three Things Jury Trials Taught Me About Asking for What I Want

There are three things that jury trials taught me about asking for what I want. And I found that these 3 lessons apply to life outside the courtroom as well. I’ve used them to get what I want, and so have my clients. In fact, my coaching clients have used these three lessons to ask for raises, investment money, support, opportunities and help with the laundry. No matter what you want to ask for, these three lessons can help.

For over twenty years as a trial lawyer I had to end every trial asking the jury for a win. I had to ask the jury to return a verdict in my client’s favor. I asked for a win. And here are the three things all that asking taught me.

1-Use Evidence

Lawyers support their ask with evidence. . Before we ask the jury for a verdict, lawyers go through all of the evidence that supports that verdict. We give the jury all of the evidence they need to make giving us what we want easy. And when you’re asking for money, support, opportunities, or access, you should do the same. Collect your evidence. Organize it into a form that will most resonate with your jury–the people who can give you what you’re asking for. Use your evidence to support your ask and you’ll be far more likely to get what you want.

2-Be Clear

Clarity leads to yeses. At the end of my closing, when I ask the jury to return a verdict in my client’s favor, I show the jury the verdict slip. Then I show the where they’ll be asked various questions and I show them where I want them to check. I’m as clear as possible. Confusion is my enemy in the courtroom and it’s your enemy as well. When you’re asking for something, make it very clear what you want. Be clear on how you want to receive it. The more clear you can be with your ask, the more likely you are to get it.

3-Ask.

So many of my coaching clients are afraid to ask. They don’t want to impose, or put anyone out. Sometimes they think the other person should know what they want and give it to them without having to ask. Other times they think that because they’ve earned what they’re asking for they don’t have to ask for it. They’re wrong. You have to ask. Can you imagine if I stood before the jury, gave my closing argument, and then sat down without asking them to find in favor of my client? It wouldn’t be clear, it wouldn’t be confident and it wouldn’t be convincing. We wouldn’t win as often. When you want something, ask for it.

Try it today. Take these three things jury trials taught me about asking for what I want and use them to ask for anything you want. And let me know all of the things you get.

 

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The post Three Things Jury Trials Taught Me About Asking for What I Want appeared first on Heather Hansen Presents.

Three Things Jury Trials Taught Me About Asking for What I Want

There are three things that jury trials taught me about asking for what I want. And I found that these 3 lessons apply to life outside the courtroom as well. I’ve used them to get what I want, and so have my clients. In fact, my coaching clients have used these three lessons to ask for raises, investment money, support, opportunities and help with the laundry. No matter what you want to ask for, these three lessons can help.

For over twenty years as a trial lawyer I had to end every trial asking the jury for a win. I had to ask the jury to return a verdict in my client’s favor. I asked for a win. And here are the three things all that asking taught me.

1-Use Evidence

Lawyers support their ask with evidence. . Before we ask the jury for a verdict, lawyers go through all of the evidence that supports that verdict. We give the jury all of the evidence they need to make giving us what we want easy. And when you’re asking for money, support, opportunities, or access, you should do the same. Collect your evidence. Organize it into a form that will most resonate with your jury–the people who can give you what you’re asking for. Use your evidence to support your ask and you’ll be far more likely to get what you want.

2-Be Clear

Clarity leads to yeses. At the end of my closing, when I ask the jury to return a verdict in my client’s favor, I show the jury the verdict slip. Then I show the where they’ll be asked various questions and I show them where I want them to check. I’m as clear as possible. Confusion is my enemy in the courtroom and it’s your enemy as well. When you’re asking for something, make it very clear what you want. Be clear on how you want to receive it. The more clear you can be with your ask, the more likely you are to get it.

3-Ask.

So many of my coaching clients are afraid to ask. They don’t want to impose, or put anyone out. Sometimes they think the other person should know what they want and give it to them without having to ask. Other times they think that because they’ve earned what they’re asking for they don’t have to ask for it. They’re wrong. You have to ask. Can you imagine if I stood before the jury, gave my closing argument, and then sat down without asking them to find in favor of my client? It wouldn’t be clear, it wouldn’t be confident and it wouldn’t be convincing. We wouldn’t win as often. When you want something, ask for it.

Try it today. Take these three things jury trials taught me about asking for what I want and use them to ask for anything you want. And let me know all of the things you get.

“Your Witness”–Two Words that Could Change Everything

“Your Witness”–these are two words that could change everything. They did for me. I used to be even more of a perfectionist than I am now. And perfectionism isn’t great. It’s not cute, not sexy, not fun and it doesn’t even help you succeed. In fact, it is more likely to hold you back from success. Many of my coaching clients let perfectionism hold them back. Their Inner Jury, the part of them that decides what to believe, is so hard to impress that they never write the book, go for the job, send the or ask the question. Fortunately, early in my career as a trial attorney, these two words –“Your Witness” –helped me to overcome my perfectionism.

Preparing

Trial attorneys win and lose their cases by asking questions. I spend hour upon hour preparing the questions I’ll ask my witnesses on direct examination, and even more hours preparing the questions I’ll ask opposing witnesses on cross examination. Cross examination is especially stressful because these witnesses don’t want to play nice. I want to take away their story, and they want to take mine. So I have my questions perfectly planned before I cross examine a witness. My questions are on my legal pad and they’re a perfectionist’s dream. I skip a line between questions. Underline the zingers in red, the set up question in green. Blue is for the questions I have to ask to meet the legal standard for my case. My legal pad is a color coded work of art.

But then, the witnesses starts to testify on direct examination. Suddenly I’m writing new questions, crossing out others. And my margins turn into a mess of scribble. My ducks go from being in a beautiful row to flying, swimming and diving all over the place. And that’s when the Judge says it. “Ms. Hansen, Your Witness.”

It’s Time

It’s time to cross examine the witness. I can’t say “Wait I’m not ready!” Nor can I say “Just 5 more minutes”. Because Your Witness means Your Witness. It’s my witness, to question as I wish. It doesn’t matter that my ducks aren’t in a row and it doesn’t matter that my pad isn’t perfect. It’s time to go. I have to gather my wits, remember my preparation and my innate talents, and do what I’ve trained to do.

So I stand. I take my pad, now full of unreadable gibberish. I begin. And most of the time, it flows. All of that practice allows me to be quick on my feet. The cross exam becomes a lethal dance, one that I win more often than I lose. Of course there are stumbles, and sometimes a fall. But once I’ve begun, the flow usually follows.

“Your Witness” Is Your Moment. Take It.

If you’re like my coaching clients, you often wait for all of your ducks to be in a row. You want your pad to be perfect, color coded and neat. And you spend so much time preparing that you miss the opportunity to win. I get it. I’d probably do the same. But I have no choice. When the Judge says “Your Witness”, I have to go. So now, I say it to myself. I act before I feel ready. And I move even when it’s messy. That’s how I wrote a best seller, got a job as an anchor at the Law and Crime Network, and started my podcast that’s now at over 100 episodes.

You can do the same. “Your Witness” is your opportunity. It’s your time, your chance, your moment. Take it.

 

Join the Advocate to Win Mailing List: https://bit.ly/2VyfLB4

The Elegant Warrior on Amazon: https://amzn.to/34LBvxJ

The post “Your Witness”–Two Words that Could Change Everything appeared first on Heather Hansen Presents.

“Your Witness”–Two Words that Could Change Everything

“Your Witness”–these are two words that could change everything. They did for me. I used to be even more of a perfectionist than I am now. And perfectionism isn’t great. It’s not cute, not sexy, not fun and it doesn’t even help you succeed. In fact, it is more likely to hold you back from success. Many of my coaching clients let perfectionism hold them back. Their Inner Jury, the part of them that decides what to believe, is so hard to impress that they never write the book, go for the job, send the or ask the question. Fortunately, early in my career as a trial attorney, these two words –“Your Witness” –helped me to overcome my perfectionism.

Preparing

Trial attorneys win and lose their cases by asking questions. I spend hour upon hour preparing the questions I’ll ask my witnesses on direct examination, and even more hours preparing the questions I’ll ask opposing witnesses on cross examination. Cross examination is especially stressful because these witnesses don’t want to play nice. I want to take away their story, and they want to take mine. So I have my questions perfectly planned before I cross examine a witness. My questions are on my legal pad and they’re a perfectionist’s dream. I skip a line between questions. Underline the zingers in red, the set up question in green. Blue is for the questions I have to ask to meet the legal standard for my case. My legal pad is a color coded work of art.

But then, the witnesses starts to testify on direct examination. Suddenly I’m writing new questions, crossing out others. And my margins turn into a mess of scribble. My ducks go from being in a beautiful row to flying, swimming and diving all over the place. And that’s when the Judge says it. “Ms. Hansen, Your Witness.”

It’s Time

It’s time to cross examine the witness. I can’t say “Wait I’m not ready!” Nor can I say “Just 5 more minutes”. Because Your Witness means Your Witness. It’s my witness, to question as I wish. It doesn’t matter that my ducks aren’t in a row and it doesn’t matter that my pad isn’t perfect. It’s time to go. I have to gather my wits, remember my preparation and my innate talents, and do what I’ve trained to do.

So I stand. I take my pad, now full of unreadable gibberish. I begin. And most of the time, it flows. All of that practice allows me to be quick on my feet. The cross exam becomes a lethal dance, one that I win more often than I lose. Of course there are stumbles, and sometimes a fall. But once I’ve begun, the flow usually follows.

“Your Witness” Is Your Moment. Take It.

If you’re like my coaching clients, you often wait for all of your ducks to be in a row. You want your pad to be perfect, color coded and neat. And you spend so much time preparing that you miss the opportunity to win. I get it. I’d probably do the same. But I have no choice. When the Judge says “Your Witness”, I have to go. So now, I say it to myself. I act before I feel ready. And I move even when it’s messy. That’s how I wrote a best seller, got a job as an anchor at the Law and Crime Network, and started my podcast that’s now at over 100 episodes.

You can do the same. “Your Witness” is your opportunity. It’s your time, your chance, your moment. Take it.

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Ask Me No Questions and I’ll Tell You No Lies

Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies. That was a song by Bing Crosby and the Andrews Sisters that came out in the early 70s. And while it might be true that as long as you don’t ask questions you won’t have to hear any lies, it’s also bad for business, for relationships and for you. Because questions are imperative. Ask me no questions and get no information, no insight, no compassion and no perspective.

Questions are one of the ten tools of an advocate. I win my cases in the courtroom with questions and my coaching clients have won more money, more opportunity, more respect and better relationships with questions as well. This week I wanted to share three of my favorite questions.

1-Tell me what you want me to know.

If you’ve read The Elegant Warrior, you know this question/request. Judge Rosemarie Aquilina used it to give the women involved in the Larry Nasser case back some of their power. This request gives power to the person being asked the question. They get to decide where the conversation goes, what’s important and what they want to share. The answerer has the opportunity to allow you to see the question, and them, differently. Start using this question with your clients, your colleagues, your friends and your family and watch your relationships change.

2-How else can I see this?

Another tool of an advocate is perspective. If you want to be a good advocate you have to see things from your jury’s perspective, your opponents’ perspective, and your judge’s perspective. But your Inner Jury, the decider inside of you that chooses what to believe also chooses what to see. Ask yourself this question and you’ll get in the practice of seeing things differently. And that could change your relationships with your Outer Jury and your Inner Jury. What you see is what you get, so if you choose what you see you can change what you get.

3-And what else?

I read this question in Michael Bungay Stanier’s The Coaching Habit and have never forgotten it. He calls it the AWE question, because it opens up so much for the asker and the answerer. This is a Swiss Army knife question–use it any time and any place you want to get better. Whether you want a better relationship, a better team, or a better outcome, try this one on for size.

Ask me no questions and I’ll tell you no lies. Maybe. But I’ll also tell you no truths, no fears, no hopes and no dreams. I think asking questions is worth the risk.

The post Ask Me No Questions and I’ll Tell You No Lies appeared first on Heather Hansen Presents.

My Kindle Called Me Stupid

 

The other night my Kindle called me stupid. When I read during the day, I read non-fiction and hard copies of the books. But when I read at night, I read fiction in bed, on the Kindle.

I have an obsession with words and what they mean. Not only do I need to know their definitions, I also need to know their origin. That means when I’m reading on a Kindle I will put my finger on a word that I don’t know the exact meaning of, even if I know the gist. Even when I can figure out a word’s meaning in context, I want to know the word’s actual definition. Because words are magic.

Let’s take “Abracadabra”. Do you know what that word means? I didn’t, so i looked it up. Abracadabra comes from an Aramic word meaning “I create as I speak”. Our words create our reality. In the courtroom, every word we say matters. When I teach my clients to advocate for themselves I tell them a word can be the difference between a win and a loss. And the same is true outside the courtroom. Whether you’re speaking to an outer jury of clients, customers, team members or family, or you’re speaking to the inner jury of voices in your head, the words you use matter.

So on this night I was reading a book on my Kindle, and putting my finger on a lot of words. That’s when my Kindle called me stupid. A box lit up and said “would you like an easier version of this book? ” I laughed and shook my head. I didn’t want easier. I wanted more magic.

Your words are magic. Use them wisely.

 

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Losing My Sunglasses and Finding Another Story

At the time I didn’t realize that losing my sunglasses would lead to finding another story. But I’m so glad it happened. I was late for a doctor’s appointment, and rushing. I had stuff in my pockets and my sunglasses tucked in my neckline. I heard a sound and felt in my pockets to be sure I hadn’t dropped my airpods or my phone. Nope–all there. So I kept walking.

Then I went to put on my sunglasses and they were gone.

I retraced my steps, more than once. And I looked everywhere. But my sunglasses were gone. They were brand new, Tiffany sunglasses and I loved them. I spent the rest of the morning and much of the afternoon beating myself up.

“You need to pay better attention. You’re walking around clueless.”

“If you can’t take care of nice things, you don’t deserve them.”

“You have too many sunglasses as it is. This is a sign that you shouldn’t buy anything else for yourself.”

These stories made me feel bad. I wasn’t joyful, positive or brilliant in my calls. I was down, feeling unworthy and angry at myself. But then I decided to change my story.

I told myself a new story. This story had a woman behind me, finding my sunglasses. She looked around to see if she could find the owner and when she couldn’t she took the glasses home. She cleaned them with care, and put them on. They made her feel royal, elegant, and proud. She showed them to her husband and kids. And every time she wears those sunglasses she shines. She needed those sunglasses so much more than I did. Instead of focusing on losing my sunglasses, I was focused on finding another story.

This story made me feel happy, joyful and bright. It changed the way I treated myself and my team. And I found evidence to support that story. The glasses were definitely gone. Only a woman would pick them up. I collected evidence to support my story and then I chose to believe.

You can always choose another story. And then you can collect evidence to support that story. I hope you find a way to choose the story that serves you, and then you support that story with evidence until your inner jury believes. I found that in losing my sunglasses and finding another story, I found a way to change everything. Choose what you see, change what you get.

 

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The post Losing My Sunglasses and Finding Another Story appeared first on Heather Hansen Presents.

Make Them Feel Significant

If you want to win someone’s attention, loyalty or engagement, make them feel significant. Every one of us wants to feel like we matter, and that our lives have meaning. It’s a universal need. No matter who your jury is–clients, customers, team members or family–you want to make them to know their meaning and that they matter. Then you can influence and persuade them much more easily.

In the courtroom I’d work to make my jury feel significant. I’d remember things each person had told me during jury selection. Then I’d try to refer back to that thing during the trial. I wanted each juror to feel like they mattered to me and my client. Because I knew that if we could make our jury feel significant, we’d make better connections. We’d be more credible. And we’d be more likely to win.

Now I work with my coaching clients on how to win jobs, promotions, raises or opportunities. We also work on how to get better relationships with better boundaries. And I always tell them everyone just wants to feel safe, smart and significant.

And remember–your first and worst jury is you. So be sure to make yourself feel safe, smart and significant. Remind yourself that you matter, and you have meaning. Do it with words and with actions. Because when you feel significant, you’ll blossom.

Anytime you’re getting ready to persuade or convince a “jury”, make every one of them feel significant. And watch what it does for your relationship, your business and your life.

 

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You Can’t Advocate Until You Believe

You can’t advocate until you believe. In my recent interactions with my coaching clients I’ve been repeating this mantra over and over. One woman wants to advocate for herself at work. She wants more money and a better title. But when it comes time to speak to her manager and make her case, she hesitates. She thinks there must be a better time or a better approach. But what she really needs is to believe. She needs to believe in herself, and her worth. And she needs to believe that she’s earned what she is asking for, and that she is deserving.

Another client wants to advocate for himself at home. He has taken on the lion’s share of childcare in his household, and he wants to advocate for a little more time for him to focus on his work. But some part of him thinks that makes him a lousy partner and a bad parent. When I ask him why he should get this extra hour every day, he hesitates. It’s clear to me that he doesn’t believe. And you can’t advocate until you believe. 

You Can’t Be Convincing Until You’re Convinced

An advocate has to influence, persuade and convince her jury. But you can’t be convincing until you’re convinced. As I always say, your toughest jury is the jury of voices inside your head. When that jury doesn’t believe, neither do you. And when you don’t believe, it’s close to impossible to make anyone else believe. So whatever it is you’re advocating for, you have to believe it first. You must convince that jury of voices inside your head before you can convince any other jury. And the way you get there is the same.

You use the right words when you talk to yourself. So you choose words of encouragement rather than negativity, and words of support rather than degradation. Then you collect your evidence. My client had to collect evidence that she’d earned that promotion and that raise. She had to lay it all out for herself so she could lay it all out for her boss. And my other client had to collect evidence of the disparity between the work he was doing at home and the work his partner was doing. He had to make himself believe first. Only then would his partner follow.

How to Be Convinced

So convince the jury inside your head first. Use the same tools you use with any jury. Choose encouraging words that will resonate with you. Collect evidence of why you’ve earned what you want, how it will serve your jury, and why you deserve it. Ask yourself questions to challenge yourself and investigate your motives. Build your credibility, and then use it as a foundation for self trust and self confidence. Make yourself believe, and then it’s a whole lot easier to advocate.

You can’t advocate until you believe. Do the work necessary to convince the jury of voices inside your head. Make them believe in you. Make you believe in you. Then the rest of the world is much more likely to follow.

 

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