Heather Hansen's Blog, page 12

Don’t Be Afraid to Say Thank You to Your Clients

When I was a young lawyer, I didn’t have the confidence to say “thank you”. Don’t get me wrong. I said it to my juries, both in my openings and in my closings. I thanked them for their time and their attention. But I didn’t say thank you to my clients, the doctors I advocated for in front of those juries. It made me feel awkward and insecure. I was afraid if I thanked my clients they’d think they were doing me a favor, that I was too young and inexperienced to represent them, and that they were doing me a favor by allowing me to be their attorney.  But now I know that the best way to get more clients or customers is to thank the ones you already have. 

My clients deserve my thanks. They are trusting me to advocate for them, and I am grateful. They’re giving me their time and their knowledge, and I appreciate that. These doctors are putting the fate of their case in my hands. If that doesn’t deserve thanks, I don’t know what does. So now, at the first meeting with my client, I say thank you. When the closings are done, I say it and after the jury comes back and the verdict is celebrated or mourned, I say it again. Gratitude no longer feels awkward. It feels authentic. 

I’ve talked about gratitude in life outside of work in this space before. But I think it’s time for us all to focus more on gratitude at work.  Studies show gratitude increases performance, job satisfaction and is overall good for business. But these studies tend to focus on saying thank you to employees. They don’t focus enough on saying thank you to clients. This may be because we think it will be awkward to thank clients for their work. We’d be wrong.

A recent study showed that, when giving thanks, we overestimate how awkward the recipients of our thanks will feel, and we underestimate how positive they’ll feel. My clients don’t want to sued, and they don’t want to be in a situation where they need my services. (Some of my clients call me the “Angel of Death” because they hate to see me coming). If saying thank you and expressing the gratitude I honestly feel makes anything about the process more positive for both of us, I’m doing it. 

January 11th is International Thank You Day. By all means, thank your family, your friends, and the person who serves your lunch. But also thank the people who have hired your to provide them with a good or a service. Your clients have put their faith, hope and trust in you. There’s nothing more precious. 

What about you? Have you ever been afraid to thank your clients? Let us know in the comments below!

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Trust Yourself in 2019-Here’s How

New Year’s Resolutions are dangerous. They are enticing…….”when I’m done partying and eating my face off I will eat less, move more, get up earlier, drink more water and meditate.” But you need to be very careful what you promise yourself. Because if you make yourself a promise and you break it, you lose your own credibility and trust. And that is NOT the way you want to start the year. You have got to be able to trust yourself.

In my book, The Elegant Warrior (out in April, but you can pre-order here), I talk about credibility. If the jury doesn’t find me credible, I cannot win. Full stop. I can lose an argument, lose an objection, or lose a point but if I lose the jury’s trust, I should take off my stilettos, put on my sneakers and walk myself home. Trust is that important.

And the same is true in life. Your friends, family, clients, colleagues and customers all need to find you credible if you want to win. They have to trust you. But NOTHING is more important than trusting yourself. 

In my work with individuals and businesses, we focus on credibility. We drill down on how they set expectations, then meet them. We explore how they make promises, and then keep them. And we make sure that we embrace vulnerability, so that if they can’t meet an expectation or keep a promise, they are willing to be honest about it, sharing the what, why and how they’ll fix it.

As you ease into the New Year, you are likely recovered from your champagne hangover. But too many, too aggressive resolutions can leave you hungover as well. And they can lead to a loss of your own trust. So think long and hard about the expectations you are setting for yourself in 2019, and the promises you are making to yourself. It is far better to make smaller promises and keep them, and then make a new promise on February 1st. When it comes to credibility and trust, it is best to underpromise and overdeliver. It works in the courtroom. It works in business. And it will work for you.

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Go Beyond Gratitude to Celebration

I write this on the day after Christmas, so naturally I’m thinking about gratitude. I’ve never said this out loud before, but I have a love/hate relationship with gratitude. I am so grateful for the things in my life that being grateful actually scares me. Will my luck run out? There was a time that I tried out a gratitude journal, but with every thing I wrote down I started to worry that I had too much, that I was too lucky.  I have my health and others don’t–would I get sick? My family is also healthy–who was I to have that when others don’t? Money, clothes, shelter, laughter and reasons to laugh–I had them all. And it felt like too much. The depth of my gratitude scared me. Sometimes it still does, and even writing this makes me nervous.

But a few years ago I spent New Year’s Eve at a spa, and I told a woman there about my fear. (She was reading my aura. It’s that kind of place). And when I said, in tears, that I was afraid of my luck running out, she shook her head with a smile.

“You’re not lucky. You’re blessed.”

She was right. And with that shift, I realized I had a job to do. The root of the word blessing is the Latin “benedicere”–to praise. It wasn’t enough to be grateful, and being afraid of loss certainly wouldn’t do. I had to learn to give praise. Count my blessings, and then celebrate them. 

This makes me feel less afraid of my luck running out. Because there is always something to celebrate, even at those times when we feel like luck has passed us by. A hot cup of coffee. The smile of a stranger. The stars, the wind and the sun. The sound of laughter, or of the waves. Find one thing to celebrate, and the list tends to grow. Some say it’s science–the law of attraction at work.  My grandfather used to quote the poem Solitude by Ellen Wheeler Wilcox   “Laugh and the world laughs with you.” In my experience that is certainly true. So this year I’m going to laugh, celebrate, and praise even more. I’m going fill up on praise so there is less room for fear.

Don’t be afraid to go beyond gratitude to celebration. Give praise.  Find one thing to celebrate and others want to join the party. Wishing you every blessing in 2019!

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An Early Christmas Present-the Power of Could Be

In the courtroom, a good advocate knows the power of Could Be. Every witness could be the key to a win. Every piece of evidence could be the thing that helps the jury understand. Could Be’s win cases.  After 20 years as a trial attorney, I knew that.

But if you want to stand up for yourself, your ideas, your business and your family you can use the power of Could Be as well. A few years ago, I read a psychological study about the power of  “could be” I talked about it here  In that study, when researchers told subjects that a rubber band “is” a rubber band, only 3% of them thought to use it as the eraser they needed to complete a task. But when they said this “could be” a rubber band, 40% of them used it as an eraser. That is the power of could be–all of a sudden you can see things you didn’t see, and do things you couldn’t do. I decided to explore the power of  “could be”

I came up with a 30 day Could Be challenge. Every day for 30 days I offered people something else they could be, and we all tried it together. But I ran out of ideas. I was having trouble seeing all of the possibilities. That’s where my friends came in, and they offered so many things we could be as well. Together we came up with 30 things.

Every day I wrote up the challenge and offered it to my community. And that community grew. Then we came together, and shared what worked for us and what didn’t. People shared their victories and defeats.  Day by day, we became closer–it could be that the internet does allow for closer relationships.

I’ve done other challenges here, but that was by far my favorite. More important, it was the community’s favorite as well. So this Christmas, I made it into a gift. I took the 30 Day Could Be Challenge, tweaked it a little, and now I’m offering it as a FREE ebook. This is my Christmas gift to you. If you want it, click on the link here or below.  

You’ll get the book, and you’ll also be signed up for updates on The Elegant Warrior, my book coming out in April. After that challenge I decided I could be someone who wrote a book. And here we are.

What could be in 2019? Time to find out.

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Riding the Holiday Roller Coaster

Do you like roller coasters?  I do. It wasn’t always that way. My very first roller coaster ride was the worst–too fast, too jerky, too much nausea. I swore I’d never ride one again, but my mother was never one to let me give up on anything. She made me try again. We have a picture of my miserable face as that roller coaster ride was about to start, and then another picture of me at the end of the ride, grinning ear to ear. I learned that in the right circumstances, I love the ups and downs of a roller coaster ride. 

That love for ups and downs served me well when I became a trial attorney. Trials are intense. Prepping for trial is the slow, laborious, uphill climb. Waiting for the verdict is that moment at the top, when you can see the world and all of the possibilities, but don’t know how things will end. You are filled with dread and excitement–and then the free fall. Win or lose, it is intense. But then you have the moment of nothing. Trial is over and if you’re lucky you have time before the next trial so that you can rest.

The holiday season reminds me of a roller coaster. It’s fast and exciting, filled with lines, whoops of delight, and laughter. Ideally, though, the holiday season also has some down time, some moments of peace. We all need to make time for the ups and the downs. 

One of my readers reminded me of that recently. She told me that the holidays can be hard, especially for those of us who are working. My first thought was that the only people who work during the holidays are lawyers. I’ve had many a Christmas trial and in those times I’ve resented that the rest of the world wasn’t working during the holidays. But I was wrong. We are all working during the holiday season–whether it’s planning meals, caring for sick or elderly loved ones, wrapping presents for kids, or handling that last minute project that is due in the new year. It’s an intense time of year, and you can’t be always climbing or balancing at the top. You need to come down. You need to rest. 

 If you want to be successful, the ideal is to have 90 minutes of work followed by a period of rest. Studies show that leads to improved productivity and creativity. If you want to have a successful holiday season, follow this advice. Take the time to take a rest.  A rollercoaster wouldn’t be fun if you were always climbing, always falling, or always at the precipice. You need the ups and downs to make it work.

Turn on the Christmas lights, grab the beverage of your choice, and take a minute to rest your mind and your body. Slow down the shopping, the wrapping and the baking. Enjoy the ups and relish the downs. It’s the only way you will get off the ride and head into 2019 with a grin on your face.

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Improve Your Memory & Your Mission Statement

Can you draw? I’m dismal at drawing. Even when I was a kid, I couldn’t draw. One of my best friends in grammar school was Lisa Graves, and she could DRAW.  (Still can–check out her work here. ) Lisa would try to help me to draw, and I was able to draw a frog (5 upside-down U’s, pretty much) and a dog’s face (2 circles, 3 upside down U’s and a U for the tongue). That has been the extent of my drawing skills. But if I want to improve my memory, it’s time for me to break out the crayons. Because a recent study shows that drawing improves memory performance dramatically. 

In this study they had people draw pictures of words in a list, or just list the words. Those that drew the pictures were more likely to remember the words. Then they had people draw the “definition” of a word or write it out. Once again, those who drew were more likely to remember. The most exciting aspect of these studies was how drawing was able to help those with dementia improve their memory. Drawing  does something in our brains that improves our memory.  And we can use that better memory to help us become better advocates. 

You may recall a few weeks ago we discussed that the foundation of advocacy is knowing what you stand for, and I recommended that you create mission statements for your business and for yourself. In my experience, though, many people don’t remember mission statements because they are often long and unclear. But what if you were to draw your mission statement? My personal mission statement is to bring joy, curiosity and kindness to my endeavors. If I draw those things (whatever they mean to me), I am much more likely to remember them.

Try this with your teams and yourself. Discuss your mission statement, and then draw it. In a week or so, see how well you remember your mission statement. I’d bet that the pictures stuck with you even more than words do. When it comes time to stand up for yourself, you have to know what you stand for. And drawing a picture, even a bad one, will help.

 

 

 

 

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Who Stands Up for You?

Who stands up for you? Who tells the world what you have to offer, when you need a rest, why you’ve had enough and you just won’t take any more?  You may look to your partner, your parents, your sister, or your best friend. While it’s great to have people out there who are willing to stand up for us, those people are probably not the best suited for the job.  You are.

In lawsuits, you’re smart to hire a lawyer to advocate for you. We know the rules of evidence and the rules of law. But in life, any rules that exist are often changing and they depend on you. If you make the rules for you, it’s time to be the one to stand up for you as well.  Depending on others to fight for us is easy. If someone else is willing and able to fight your battles and sing your praises then you don’t have to do the work of advocacy. Until you do, because at some point you certainly will,  and you don’t know how. Stand up now.

If you want something, ask for it. If you need something, ask louder. When you’ve been offended, say so clearly and confidently. And when you have something to share, share it and make sure that you’re appreciated and even compensated if that feels right to you. So stand, even if your legs are shaking. The only two feet that will get you where you are going are your own. You know what you want, and where you draw the line. You know what you need, and the places where you’ll shine.  Be your own best advocate. Nobody does it better than you.

 

 

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It’s How You Make Them Feel

Do you worry about what people think? I used to spend so much time in other people’s heads. I was trying to figure out what they were thinking, or what they were going to think, or what they thought. What a waste of time. If you spend time worrying about what people think, you should know it isn’t helping you. It isn’t making you kinder, or nicer, or a better partner. And it certainly isn’t making you a better advocate.  Because if you want to be a good advocate, you need to stop worrying about what people think and start thinking about how you make them feel.

Worrying about what people think is selfish. Most of the time you’re really worrying about what they think…of you. You’re worrying about what they think of your hair, your brains, your body or your politics. The truth is, they’re probably not thinking about any of that. But when you start thinking about how you make people FEEL, you are on your way to becoming really effective at standing up for yourself, your ideas, your family and your business.

Juries decide cases, in large part, based on how they feel about the parties, the lawyers, and the issues. Your partner decides whether to give you what you asked for based on how he or she feels. And recent surveys show that the way you make a customer or client feel has a bigger influence on their loyalty than effectiveness or how easy it is to use a product. 

Part of being a good advocate is focusing on how you make people feel. Start today. Every time you step into a situation, be aware of how you make the people around you feel. It will make you a better advocate. You’ll spend less time worrying about things that don’t matter. And you’ll be changing the things that do. How they feel makes (or breaks) the deal. Remember that, and you’ll find standing up for yourself becomes easier, and you start to get what you want more often. That makes everyone feel better.

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Ducks Don’t Stay In a Row

Last week I told you the best preparation is practice. If you want to get good at doing something, practice doing it.  You want to stand up for yourself, your business, your family and your ideas, so start standing up. Lots of you, especially you women, reached out to me about this one. You said that you’re always waiting until you feel ready, and you spend your energy and time getting ready. Listen up. “You are ready.”

One of my favorite authors is Seth Godin, and in one of his blogs he said we can get all of our ducks in a row, but what will we do with the ducks? I loved the blog but it occurred to me that I didn’t know where that phrase “getting my ducks in a row” originated.

I looked it up. It refers to a mother getting her baby ducklings in a row before they can get moving. If you’ve ever watched a mother duck with her babies, or if you ever lined your own babies into a row, you know one thing for sure. Ducks don’t stay in a row. They do their own thing. Ducks wander off. They grow, and they change. If you keep waiting for your ducks to be in a row before you move, you won’t get anywhere. 

You want to be your own best advocate, so start advocating for yourself. Don’t wait until everything is lined up perfectly, because it is very rare for things to line up perfectly. There are no straight lines in nature. But even if you do get every one of your little duckling ideas and plans into a perfect row, they won’t stay that way. Things change, and you change. Prepare, yes, but know that the best preparation is practice. Get going and do the thing. Make way for ducklings!

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Stop Preparing and Do This!

Last week we started exploring HOW to be your own best advocate. I told you that in order to be a strong advocate for yourself, your business, and your ideas, you need to be prepared. Today I need to add an asterisk. Because when I say prepare, I don’t mean get organized, set up your pens, or even your ducks (in a row and all that). Instead, I want you to do the thing you want to do. The best preparation is practice. 

Let me give you an example. I took piano  lessons when I was a little girl. I didn’t mind the lessons, but I hated to practice. My parents wanted me to practice for 20 minutes a week because they knew that was the only way to get better. (I wasn’t very good, so the practice was as painful for them as it was for me). I’d moan and groan about practicing, then finally sit down on the piano bench for my 20 minutes of practice. I’d set the timer…..And then I’d go into the piano bench and lay out the music. I’d rearrange the songs in different order. I’d crack my knuckles with great aplomb.

Soon, my mother would yell downstairs “The time starts when you start practicing Heather!” With a sigh I’d reset the timer and get to work.  My mother knew that all that preparation was just avoiding the hard part. Sometimes you have to sit down, or stand up, and do the thing in order to get better at that thing. 

Setting up isn’t the best way to  prepare. Neither is exploring, imagining possibilities or even asking questions. The best way to prepare to do the thing is to get working at doing the thing. This applies to writing–practice writing. It applies to public speaking–practice public speaking. It most definitely applies to advocacy–practicing standing up for yourself, your business, and your ideas makes you a stronger advocate. The more you practice, the better you get. 

Women especially tend to think that we have to have everything perfect before we are ready to begin. We do ourselves a disservice by focusing on preparation over practice. Nothing will ever be perfect. You will never be perfect. But you can get even closer to perfect even faster if you just start practicing. The best preparation is practice. Get busy doing the thing, and then you can set the timer and the results will be on their way.

 

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