Barbara Schmidt's Blog, page 16

Finding Freedom with This One Truth About Relationships

Hi my dear friends,

This may be surprising, but I’ve never considered myself someone who is “good” at relationships. Throughout my life I’ve had many falling outs with girlfriends, really rocky break-ups with boyfriends, and uncomfortable dynamics in my family.

I can vividly picture myself every time a relationship went sour, wondering what I had done wrong, trying to figure out why the relationship didn’t last, and writing crazy stories about what it meant about me, as a human. I thought it reflected something really subpar in myself, such as I was unworthy of having healthy relationships. I wondered if I was too difficult, high maintenance, or weird to be loved in the way that I felt I should be.

Somewhere along the way in my life, I picked up the belief that a sure sign of someone who is “successful” in relationships is the quantity of longstanding relationships a person has. Meaning, I watched too much Babysitters’ Club, and I read too many memes from Pinterest that made me believe that functional humans maintain the same relationships and the same dynamics, forever. You are suppose to have the same group of girlfriends your whole life, if you’re a normal person, right?

I recently had to come face to face with this belief when a longstanding, important friendship hit a very large bump in the road. I was devastated, uncomfortable, angry, and confused. But oddly enough, I was also embarrassed.

What did it mean about me, if yet again, I was sorting through another relationship that hadn’t lasted like I expected it to? I sat with myself questioning everything. I wondered what I had done wrong? Why did it seem I was so difficult to love? How do I seem to be in this situation so often?

In all of my introspection and reflection on the topic, I realized something that I wished I had known so many years ago:

It’s okay for a friendship (or a relationship) to end.

I felt such relief even typing that sentence again. It’s truly okay if a relationship is no longer. Similarly, it’s okay if a relationship takes a pause. It’s okay if a relationship changes form and dynamic. It’s okay for relationships to unfold differently than you expected them to.

The truth about relationships is that they are in a constant state of flux. We are always changing. We are being influenced by life, its circumstances, and our own unique paths. Sometimes life will bring people into your life, and sometimes it will remove them.

When I finally realized and owned within my soul, that the way a relationship plays out, does not equate to my worthiness or ability to be loved, I felt a sense of peace and freedom not felt in this area in a long, long time.

I replaced the fear of losing people with the belief that life would always present the “right” people for me in each moment of my life. My shame and sadness about relationship failures of the past, has now been replaced with curious optimism about what new relationships will bloom in my future.

I really do think it’s true what they say, that relationships can come into your life for a reason, or a season, or a lifetime. Some relationships come to teach us powerful lessons, some will bring stories, memories, heartache and love, and some truly are here for the long haul.

It isn’t up to us to decide how a relationship will unfold, and it isn’t constructive for us to place our self-worth in how our relationships workout. What we can control and what is our responsibility is how we show up, how to stay true to who we are, how we honor ourselves and our values. Trust that life will continue to present the right people, at the right time.

xo, Michelle

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What I’ve Learned This Past Year

My dear friends,

I’ve been reflecting lately, even more than usual,  as we reach this very poignant moment in time: one year of this pandemic.

I often like to check my social media “memories” on a daily basis, as I’m just someone who likes to relive old memories and see the change and growth on social media over time. My memories are now showing me the last few days leading up to the days when the world changed completely. And although I am fully cognizant and present to this year anniversary, it’s still so jarring to mark this enormous passage of time, and all that has transpired since March of 2020.

Quite simply, we have been through so much!  I actually don’t have words to write that can encapsulate the magnitude of it all, because although this past year has been a collectively traumatic experience, we all have different, individualistic narratives that have unfolded over this year.

So I was moved this week to share some of my insights and lessons learned from this year, because I feel that there is so much that I have gained.  As a caveat to all this, while I will be sharing my lessons and silver linings, it is not my intention to glamorize or brush past the incredible trauma of what did happen, and is still happening.  I also want to remind us all that if you’re reading this, and feel that the only thing you could do for a whole year of a pandemic is survive, that is enough, and this is absolutely something to be celebrated.

This blog is a place where I share my life experiences with you and what I have learned walking this path, with the desire to let you know you’re not alone and maybe my experience will be just what you needed to hear for your life’s journey. So today, as I share, I truly wish to honor this moment in time. If you find solace, solidarity, or even insights from it; I’m honored, but please care for yourself and know that if none of this resonates with you at this time, that’s completely valid, too.

Setting boundaries and practicing aligned self-care are important daily tasks. If the pandemic showed us anything, it’s that we must take how we care for ourselves, incredibly seriously. Our health, mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, is a precious resource, and we must act accordingly.

Rather than being overwhelmed about what the future looks like, focus on what you can do today to further create the life and future you want to live in. I think of Martin Luther King Jr.’s quote often in this lesson, “Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”

There is great happiness and joy to be found in simplicity. This is the year where so much was stripped away from us. While it’s important to mourn the loss of what was, it’s also helpful to use this as a clean slate, to notice what really matters to you, to uncover hidden values buried in the business of our old lives. I have found that I require so much less than I thought, and that has given me so much.

Living in, and holding onto judgement of others will never benefit you and your life’s progression. This past year was the year of judgment. I think we all can admit that when we saw people behaving or acting a certain way over the course of this pandemic we felt filled with anger, rage, and judgment. While I do think it’s important to know where you stand and have boundaries in alignment with your values, that firm grasp of judgment of others just does not serve us, and our own happiness. I let my judgements of others rob me of happy moments. Rather than sitting in judgment, think about an action you can take that feels supportive and progressive.

Challenging times can make us stronger. I recently realized that I’ve become really fearful of pain and grief and trauma. I know that this is because of the fear and grief and trauma that has already happened in my life. But whenever I notice this in myself, the avoidance and the anxiety about what could happen, I remember that in every challenge and difficult moment, I was tested, but I was also gifted. Each hardship has made me stronger, more resilient, more capable, and filled with new perspective and wisdom. I’ll always be grateful for those gifts.

Cultivating gratitude for small joys, can be fuel through hard times. This year has taught me that I can feel deep, deep gratitude for the things that I often would take for granted. Even though there is so much to mourn and to grieve, I found that gratitude for what remains provides fortitude to persevere. As trite and silly as it seems, I am so grateful for my daily coffee, my weighted blanket, my snuggly cat, reruns of old sitcoms, and my family.

You really don’t need to compare yourself to others ever, but especially during a pandemic. I’ve often talked about the need to release my comparative nature, but this year proved this to be true. We are all processing and moving through life with our own unique perspectives and paths. It’s important to remember this when we find ourselves feeling better than or less than someone else.

It’s necessary to take breaks when needed. For so long, we’ve been expected to be resilient to a degree of exhaustion. That we must always keep pushing and moving forward. We’ve learned this year that we cannot be this way, and honor our health and well-being. Taking breaks and creating space for rest are nurturing, necessary parts of life. We are so much more than our productivity and our success. Honor the rest and relaxation as much as you honor everything else.

Stillness can provide the much needed answers to so many of life’s questions. When we are left to sit, alone, in silence, amongst chaos and difficulty, we have the space for clarity and truth to rise to the surface. As someone who used to shudder when faced with isolation and silence, for fear of what would come up, I now embrace and carve time out for those moments, in order to bring forth these truths.

The connection and relationship you have with yourself is the most important one you can cultivate. How you relate to yourself, care for yourself, treat yourself, and honor yourself sets the tone for the rest of your life. In this period of great upheaval, often times we were only left with ourselves, and our thoughts. We are the ones we spend our lives with, there is no greater task than to make becoming your own best friend your ultimate priority.

Sending you all so much love this week and always,

xoxo Michelle

The post What I’ve Learned This Past Year appeared first on Peaceful Mind Peaceful Life.

5 Affirmations for Cultivating Self-Love

Hello dear friends.

Whenever I begin to write my blogs, I silently ask myself what would be the most useful and helpful for the people who will read it. I then think about my life: the main themes, challenges, and lessons that have been popping up. Of course, current events also undoubtedly influences our lives day in and day out. With that being said, this week I got the hit that we could all use a self-love boost.

As we know, love is the root and foundation of everything in our lives. Often times, we are too happy to share the love for everyone and everything else, but fall short when it comes to ourselves. Self-love is important. Self-love isn’t just a nice theory to write about every once in a while. It IS necessary and crucial for happy, purposeful, and meaningful living.

You are worthy of the love that you so freely share with others. Now more than ever, we need to focus on love, starting from within and emanating out to everyone else in the world. We must do the work on ourselves to bring about the kind of world we wish to create and live in.

When we begin to truly love ourselves everything changes. Make the decision today to love yourself, and never let it be open for discussion again. The love that you cultivate for yourself will be the foundation for everything else you desire in life.

As we know, our thoughts are very powerful and can create the change we wish to see, so what better way to kick start our self-love journey than with some powerful affirmations to bring you into that loving place.

These five affirmations are powerful, meaningful, and effective. They have served me and continue to benefit me on my journey to fully loving myself.

I love myself fully and completely.It is safe for me to trust my thoughts, beliefs, and desires.My body is a healthy and supportive home. It takes care of me always.I am worthy of love, happiness, and peace of mind.My life is purposeful, meaningful, and a powerful force in this world.

I hope you take these affirmations, tweak them so that they suit you, help you feel aligned, and use them often on your journey.

My desire is that these will help you shift any negative thoughts about yourself back to love and help you to feel more at ease, content, and at peace. Remember, loving yourself is not selfish, it is required. Just as you absolutely benefit greatly by cultivating self-love, so does our world. It starts with us!

Let me know what other affirmations you have been using, and keep me posted on your progress!

xoxo, Michelle

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How I Manage My Relationship with Grief

Hi my dear friends,

This week I want to re-share a blog I wrote a couple years ago about grief. I think about these words every so often, because grief is a feeling that, once triggered inside of you, lives within you. This is why I use the word “manage” rather than “clear” or “remove”. My grief pops up in my life all the time, often unannounced, and the levels of impact vary every single time. I felt called to share this blog with you today, because I know that the collective grief at this time is high, and I hope this offers a gentle perspective for anyone who is going through the pain of loss.

Sending you all lots of love,

Michelle

Originally published in April 2019

If you’ve been reading my blog for a while you may remember that my dad passed away unexpectedly almost 12 years ago. I cry writing this sentence for you, because even though 12 years feels like a long time, it also feels like no time at all. His death was and still is the most challenging life event I have had to maneuver through so far.

I vividly remember a few months after my dad passed away, I was still very immersed in my mourning. I was a hot mess, actually. I felt like I just could not get it together, and absolutely everything made me emotional. I remember being embarrassed by my inability to shake it off, and my friend, in her attempts to comfort me, let me off the hook by declaring that I was allowed to take one whole year to be a mess about it all. I took it to heart, and felt a sense of relief that there was this unspoken rule that everyone who experiences grief, gets a year to get over it.

As the year mark approached I remember still not feeling very complete with my grief, and feeling a sense of dread that the moment was going to arrive, and I wasn’t going to be ready, that I needed more time. When the year mark arrived, surprise, surprise I wasn’t over it. And I felt like something was wrong with me.

I didn’t want to be that “messy person” who couldn’t get over things, so, in my young mind, I felt like I had to turn off my feelings, because I was given my “get out of grieving free card”, and now I had to be normal again. I tried really, really hard to push away my grief, and it oftentimes came out sideways. It showed up as anger, denial, and in me pretending that nothing had even happened at all.

In the 12 years since entering the grief club (I guess it’s a club, I’m not sure what else to call it, but I’m open to suggestions!), I’ve learned that grief never goes away, not completely anyway. It is my experience that once the threshold is crossed, it’s something that stays with you forever. It’s almost as if you become a time traveler or that you straddle two realities or two worlds; the one before and the one after, and you’ll tick tock between the two, probably forever.

Memories will flash into your mind unexpectedly that will completely take you out. You’ll feel overwhelmed with what was, and what is no longer. Sometimes your brain won’t be able to comprehend it all. You’ll come across things that can remind you of the person that only you notice, and you’ll really wish that you could tell that person all about it, but you can’t. It’s a perpetual itch that you can never really scratch.

You’ll feel like, if you allowed yourself to, you could cry every single day thinking about it, but you probably won’t let yourself. You should though. You’ll wonder what things would be like if it reality was different. You’ll also mourn all the memories and moments that you thought you’d have, that you never will. You’ll get triggered a lot, and it will make you feel like you’re weak, but I promise you it will make you stronger.

And even though all these things feel incredibly painful, there’s a silver lining because I believe there’s always a silver lining. We all know that with every ending comes a new beginning, and with grief being that forever friend, we are ushered into a new relationship with what has been lost. Just like any other relationship, it has its highs and lows.

Like I said before, grief is forever, and I don’t think that’s a bad thing because the things that we feel surrounding grief are the reminders of someone or something that meant a tremendous amount to us. It’s the reminder that love was present, and that even if it’s no longer in its original form, that love still exists.

I’ve noticed that when I embrace my grief, and the feelings that come with it, I feel closer to what I lost. I will always feel a tinge of sadness when I hear an Alanis Morissette song on the radio, or eat Greek food, because it will always remind me of my dad, but I can usher that sadness into gratitude knowing that in those moments, I’m getting a little wink from him that he’s still around, although in a different form.

Grief is the the most humanizing process, it reminds you that we can lose, but that we also can heal. It’s unifying in that, at one point or another in this life we will become members of this club, and that’s weirdly comforting, isn’t it? It’s personal in that we will all maneuver through it differently, and we should always allow ourselves to create our own relationship with it. We all have to work through the trauma and feelings that come with it, and it’s necessary to allow yourself the time and the space to do so.

Judging yourself or putting yourself on a timeline won’t help you get through grief, it actually just makes things worse. Pushing your feelings down will turn you into someone that ultimately, you won’t be able to recognize. Shutting off from the new reality will keep you in a perpetual state of loss. The magic or the key to cultivating a healthy relationship with grief is remembering that you are responsible for the relationship you have with it, and honing the awareness to care for yourself and that relationship.

I know I’ve used a lot of metaphors for grief today, and I’ll give you one more as my parting thought. Think of grief as the ocean, with waves. Some waves are big, and can feel like they’ll take you out. Remember to keep your head above water, and do your best to keep breathing through it. Some waves come with storms that will require preparation and help, remember it’s always safe and appropriate to ask for help. Some waves are small that you’ll feel for a brief moment and it will pass. Some waves are fun and joyful, relish in them.

And of course you’ll have moments when it’s a clear blue sky with not a ripple in the sea. If we can learn to ride these waves, whenever and however they appear, grief will no longer feel like a burden, but a strength because it means that ultimately, we’ve learned how to weather it.

xo, Michelle

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Three Reminders When Feeling Lonely

My dear friends,

I want to speak to you this week on loneliness. I know that this topic is at the surface for many of us, and this is to be expected. We continue to wade through turbulent and unpredictable times, we are still living in a greater sense of isolation and regulation, and we are continuing to take precautions when we get together with people. Loneliness is a natural outcome in these circumstances.

There has been so much asked of us over the past year, and I really hope you recognize and honor yourself for your resiliency and perseverance, but again, none of this is easy. Living in a continual state of pivot and unease will absolutely take it’s toll on us; mentally, physically, and emotionally.

Like I said before, loneliness is a natural by product of the times we are living in. They are truly unprecedented.

While I cannot come and sit with you all and give you a friendly hug, I hope to share some reminders, for when you’re feeling extra lonely, so that maybe you can feel a little virtual hug.

Remember that you won’t feel this way forever. Loneliness, just like every other emotion, both positive and negative, will not last. Whenever I find myself feeling down or sad about being alone, it’s so helpful for me to remember that it eventually will pass.

Remember that sometimes there are silver linings to being in your own company. I am someone who used to really not like being alone, but I have to say, I’ve grown to actually love it. I relish the time that I can spend by myself. So much of the world has been turned upside down, what better time to come back home to yourself, to get to know yourself on a deeper level, to tap into your creative desires or long lost hobbies, and to really become your own best friend. Last week, I spoke on the topic of self-love, and this is where this comes into play. Treat yourself like you would someone you love and cherish, because you deserve that, too.

Remember don’t take your loneliness, personally. Often times when I’m feeling separated from the world, it’s easy for me to write stories that blame myself for my loneliness. This can look like, “people don’t want to be with you anyway,” “you’re not worthy of someone else’s company,” “you’re going to be alone forever.”  These negative and self-sabotaging stories are sticky for the mind, and so, so easy to fall into. Don’t allow it. When you notice that you are feeling particularly lonely, train yourself to become extra aware of the stories your mind starts to tell you, and nip the nasty ones in the bud. Being alone says nothing about your worthiness or capacity for love, it just means that you get the space to love and honor yourself.

I hope these reminders serve you as we continue to move through these challenging times. If nothing else, I hope you find comfort in knowing that even though we are apart, we experience all these emotions, together.

xo, Michelle

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What Self-Love Means to Me

My dear friends,

One of the silver linings of this past year, with added isolation and limited social interaction, has been having the time and the space to reflect on my relationship with myself. I’ve always felt that the most important relationship we can have in our lives is the one we have with ourselves, but this feels even more true after all that has transpired over these past 12 months.

It’s so common to get wrapped up in our external relationships; friendships, family, and romantic partnerships. We often place so much of our attention on cultivating, honoring, and caring for these relationships, and that’s a beautiful thing.

This week, I wish to ask you, truthfully, how much time do you spend nurturing the relationship you have with yourself?

When I think about self-love, I think about that question. I think about this deep desire that I have to know myself, understand myself, and accept myself in every given moment.

So often we equate self-love to an over-the-top enamoring of ourselves, and idolizing affirmations that make us feel larger than life. And, of course, that can be part of it. But for me, a more grounded, rooted, relationship with self, feels more manageable and tangible in daily life, especially during difficult moments.

I started thinking about tallying up the ways self-love comes into my life, in hopes of honoring this practice, and helping you all to see how subtle, and how powerful this practice can be.

For me, self-love is…

…connecting with myself on a daily basis

….setting feel-good boundaries

…practicing healthy and clear communication

…speaking my truth when called to do so

…trusting myself

…knowing it’s okay to say no to things that aren’t aligned

…holding the intention of understanding myself and my desires

…releasing perfectionistic tendencies

…remembering that every day brings new experiences and no feeling is ever final

…honoring my purpose in this world and knowing that I am here for a reason

…remembering that expressing joy is an act of self-care

…knowing that in every single moment, I am always enough

…reminding myself that I am always worthy of my hopes and dreams

…trusting that in each new day I’ll be presented with new ways to love myself even more

I’d love to hear how you love and care for yourself, if you feel called, please share in the comments! Sending you all so much love and gratitude.

xo, Michelle

 

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How I’m Managing Pandemic Burnout

Hi my dear friends,

I’ve been thinking a lot about the fact that we are very quickly approaching the year mark of this pandemic. It’s my nature to brood and contemplate and process, in order to understand and ultimately heal. There’s been so much that’s transpired since the start of this era, a whole calendar year filled with holidays, benchmark events, highs, lows, and tremendous suffering.

We all know that our approach to managing the pandemic is unique to us all. While we are living within this very unprecedented time with challenges and restrictions, how we cope, the difficulties we face, and the path we walk, during this time, has been different.

There are so many layers to how this pandemic has impacted our lives; mentally, physically, economically, emotionally and spiritually, and I just wish for everyone to really honor that however you’re feeling about this, it is okay, and it’s normal.

I’ve been noticing lately, in myself and online, that there’s a strong trend of pandemic burnout. People who are just over it or who feel like they just can’t live this way anymore. People who feel like the light at the end of the tunnel feels dimmer and that the end-goal is distant. I see this and I, too, feel this.

We all hold so many beautiful hopes, dreams, and wishes for our lives, and in this constant state of pivot, unrest, and uncertainty, it’s extra challenging to inch towards these ideals. It’s so easy to feel defeated when we take on so much loss. And, it’s absolutely natural to lose your sense of optimism when surrounded by so much despair.

I say all of this with the intention of assuring you that the feelings that you’re feeling, regarding life and this pandemic, are valid, normal, and that you’re not alone.

This week, I want to share with you some thoughts and tools that I have been using in my life to help me manage this burnout and this overwhelm, always with the intention that it might be helpful, in your life, too.

Reassess your boundaries, especially when it comes to your self-care.  With life being so unpredictable, it’s so important to keep tabs on how you can best take care of yourself. Notice when certain things drain your energy, and gracefully pivot from those things. Take social media and news breaks when it becomes too much to take in. Remember that this period has been incredibly traumatic, and it’s important to rest. If you need to set a new boundary to take better care of yourself, honor yourself, and do it.

Think in micro, rather than macro. I tend to become very overwhelmed when I think of the enormity of our world’s problems, and to be honest, I propel my burnout racking my mind trying to solve it all. While I believe it to be important to be in the know about the state of the world, I also find it beneficial to drill back down into our own manageable lives. We might not be able to solve everything that’s happening globally, but we can take tiny actions to improve smaller issues in our own lives. When we are living in a state of overwhelm, it feels almost impossible to take action. I find that I’m able to move through that stagnant space when I bring myself back to myself, and the things that I can do, now, that will impact my small life’s sphere.

Take life one day at a time. I know that this tip is not new or groundbreaking, but it’s been the most helpful to me, especially when I feel down. My mom often says to me, “I might not be able to live this way for forever, but I know that I can do it for one more day”. In this vein, I try to approach each day as brand new, with optimism and with hope. I can do anything, and endure anything, for one more day, and in this mindset, day by day, I know that ultimately I will get to where I want to go and who I want to be.

Be creative with your joy. So much of our excitement, passion, and creativity has been drained in this period of time. The things that I personally used to look forward to, are no longer possible at this moment in time. While it’s important to mourn the way of life that we once had, I’ve found joy in tapping into my creativity and finding new ways to feel excitement and anticipation. It can be as simple as looking forward to ordering in from my favorite restaurant in town, watching an episode of a sitcom that I’ve seen one-hundred times, but it always brings a smile to my face, or simply spending time with my cat, Charlotte. The silver lining of this time, for me, as been relishing in life’s simplicities, and remembering how much the little things in life, actually mean to me.

Stop comparing yourself to people on the internet. Because we are all home and limited in our activities, we are online, a lot. I find myself on social media so much more than usual, and my screen time is through the roof. It’s my nature to want to read opinion pieces and see how other people are handling this time, but I also know that it’s very easy for me to slip in to comparison mode when I do this. Remember that there is no guidebook to managing a pandemic, we all are managing this new way of life differently, and have unique struggles and coping mechanisms. Remember this, when you compare yourself to a stranger on the internet who might appear to be thriving, when you’re feeling at your lowest. When in this space, take a break, do something that feels good for you, and know that you’re doing the best you can, and that is always enough.

Remember that this, too, shall pass. Just like with everything else, no phase in life is final, no feeling will last forever, and we will get through this time. I believe this to be true, and it’s this truth that anchors a feeling of hope and optimism, knowing that this heaviness will pass, and a new chapter will unfold.

I hope these little reminders are helpful for you, especially at this time. If you have some more tips you’d like to share, let us know in the comments!

I’m grateful for all of you, and I know that we will all get through this, and have happier times, one day soon.

xo, Michelle

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Two Self-Care Practices to Try Right Now

My dear friends,

As we start to settle into this new chapter of 2021, I hope that you make some time to take care of yourself, in the most aligned way possible. We all continue to face a wide-array of challenges and can often be pulled in so many directions. And, I promise you when I say, I know exactly how you feel! Life, as beautiful as it is, is also exhausting and difficult.

This week, I want to share with you two practices of self-care that might be beneficial to you during these periods of transition and uncertainty. I know self-care is a topic often discussed, but I also know that it can feel overwhelming, not knowing where to start.

What I hope to share this week, is a simple reminder that how you care for yourself, and what that looks like for you, is completely unique to you. You are your own unique, magnificent person with specific needs and desires, and so, I wish for you the wisdom and connection within so that you can continue to care for yourself in the most aligned and comforting way.

Lately, I’ve introduced two new practices into my life, that have given me so much relief, especially during these times, and I hope they might be helpful for you, too!

1. Taking Space: With life being so uncertain and unpredictable, it’s easy to feel like we are living life on full-speed, and always reacting to whatever comes next. I learned, sometimes the hard way, that the best way to counteract the chaotic nature of our times, is to simply not react. No matter the moment or circumstance, I’ve started to give myself the space to gather myself, to connect with myself, and to fully understand, before moving forward. So often, when I act within my reflexes, I say things that I don’t necessarily mean, I’m hyper-emotional, or not thinking clearly. When I take the space to breathe and process, I find clarity, peace, and a deeper knowing of how I’d like to proceed. What taking space for me looks like is closing my eyes and taking a few deep breaths, closing my computer and taking a walk before sending an email, meditating before making a big decision, and even journaling if I need a little more inner guidance. However space looks for you, I hope you can find some unique ways to carve it out in your life, and feel the peace that space provides when we allow it.

2. Allowing Grace. The other practice that I’ve been heavily relying on is giving myself some grace. Which means, cutting myself slack when needed, forgiving myself, being gentle with myself, and really listening to my own needs and desires. We tend to hold ourselves to such high standards and add unnecessary pressure to our already challenging existence. In allowing grace, I release myself from my own high expectations, I remind myself that I do not need to be perfect to be worthy, and I am compassionate with my myself in my mistakes and missteps. Grace for me looks like breaking free from rigidity and allowing flow, and trusting that in any given moment, I am doing the best that I can. What does this look like for you?

I hope these 2 little tips can help spark your own creativity in self-care. I’d love to hear how you care for yourself, let me know in the comments!

xo, Michelle

 

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The Benefit of Consequences

Hello my friends,

I want to share something that’s been on my heart for a long, long while, and a theme, that I believe, has popped up in our collective consciousness.

I’ve shared at length here and on social media that 2020 was not an easy one for me, personally. Through my own actions and blind spots of self-awareness, I created some messes and weaved some tricky webs that felt extremely difficult to untangle. I struggled in two facets. First, the disappointment and let-down I felt within myself. This vane required a lot of inner-work and self-forgiveness and I’ve progressed really well in that department. The second, though, was the sitting in, and enduring through, the consequences of my actions. The accountability for it. The domino effect that took place from the things that I said and did. All of the things that popped up because of my own doing.

When we face the consequences of our actions, a mirror is placed before us and we are forced to actually take a look at ourselves, admit a pain or a wrongdoing, and do the work to actually do better. Sometimes consequences take time, others require specific action, but all of it is hard and uncomfortable, and cannot be rushed through or brushed aside.

Many times, in my personal experiences, I have wished that the consequence didn’t exist. That it could go away. That I could just make it right, right now in a way of my own choosing. And now, I fully realize that it cannot work that way, and it’s a good thing. Because I’ve learned this: when we actually confront and embrace an aligned consequence for a misstep, we exponentially grow. We are changed, for the better. We are honoring every aspect of ourselves, even the parts that we might not be so proud of.

This embrace of responsibility immediately alchemizes a situation: from a forced hardship to a welcome opportunity for growth.

In thinking about the consequences that I have faced in my life, I, too, think about how to hold firm on the consequences that should be set with the people in my life. In particular, what it means to let people off the hook when perhaps they don’t deserve it. To avoid the hard conversations and pretend that everything is fine. This has been a struggle for me, too. I have given people passes for bad behavior, often. And the thing about this is, when you don’t provide a consequence or set a boundary, you deny that person of their own growth and learning, and, of course, you enable that misaligned and harmful behavior.

Although the words consequence and accountability tend to trail with negative connotations, I believe that they provide great hidden gifts in our lives. There is great benefit with aligned consequence: we are given opportunity to become the people who we are meant to be, through the process of acceptance and great learning.

xo, Michelle

 

 

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Understanding Life’s Cycles

Hi my dear friends,

I’m sending all my love to you as we bring in this new week. I feel almost like a broken record saying this all the time, but as we navigate through these challenging times, please know that we are here for you and understand the plethora of emotions that arise every single day.

This week, I want to share what I’ve been thinking about, in my own life, about life, it’s cycles, the whiplash of it all, and things that have really helped me maneuver through it.

Life isn’t easy. In “normal” circumstances it isn’t easy, but in these very chaotic times, even more so. Please know this, and hopefully allow this truth to let yourself off the hook for any struggles you might be feeling, or judgments that you may be having.

Last month, I was feeling a lot of different feelings and emotions. I think the end of the year does that to me. I reflect a lot, I try to close old chapters, and prepare for the new. And even with all my tools and practices, sometimes I just feel down and defeated. Sometimes life feels very empty, and the inner work that we do, futile. I go through these phases, and they are very real, and I think it’s completely normal. Because like I said, life is challenging.

Of course, there are times where it feels like everything goes your way, and you are unstoppable. We love those times, we know how to manage those times.

Why I wanted to talk about this today is because I realized something recently. In cultivating a deep sense of self-awareness, and perhaps, as a result of so much quiet time home alone during this pandemic, I’ve started to intimately become aware of these emotional cycles, and feel like I have a stronger sense of how to manage them.

We tend to feel at our worst, when we feel like we have no control of life and its happenings. This past year has proven that to be true. When we start to think about this truth, as it relates to our lives and our emotional cycles, we can start to clearly see that, feeling like we are constantly at the mercy of our own minds and emotions, can make us feel out of control.

While I believe we are never able to fully control life and what takes place, I know that we can manage our reactions to it, and I know that we can be prepared and ready to act accordingly when a new life cycle comes in to play.

WIth that being said, I start to think about my low moments a little differently, because I understand them differently. I know that these moments are finite, they usually last a few days, and will make me feel very down and depressed. Because I know all of this, I’m kinder, more patient, and gentler with myself. I hold back on making big decisions and rash actions. I do my best to create a sense of balance.

The same goes for the highs. I honor those feelings and I feel so much gratitude for them, but I know that it won’t last. I know the cycle.

There will be times where you feel on top of the world, and that absolutely anything is possible. And there are excruciating moments of despair. But the key through all of it, at least in my experience, is knowing that the time of each cycle is finite; it will begin and it will end.

So with all of this in mind, how can we start to really understand ourselves on this deep level, to know how to take care of ourselves during these intense waves of life? How can we tap into our feelings and emotions deeply enough, to be able to remind ourselves, that this too, shall pass? What acts of care can we take to keep ourselves feeling safe and secure, regardless of what’s happening around us?

I encourage you to think about these questions and notice the answers that come up for you. I’ve been sitting with this lately, and it’s been such a relief for me.

Sending lots of love,

xo, Michelle

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