Barbara Schmidt's Blog, page 13

5 Reminders When Faced With Difficulty

Hi dear friends!

A few weeks ago I was going through a deeply upsetting and traumatizing personal matter. I had made big mistakes, I was uncertain how things were going to unfold, and I was incredibly scared and anxious about all of it. All things considered, life had been going pretty well for me, so when this situation happened, it felt like jarring whiplash, an emotional rollercoaster. Naturally, I learned so much during those difficult moments. I gained insight and I have new perspective.

I know many of you are experiencing difficulty right now, whether stemming from the pandemic, economic hardship, personal struggle, or the racial injustices that continue to take place. It is my wish to share some of my own personal takeaways with the intention of providing a small sense of relief, a glimmer of hope, and an opportunity for optimism, even in darkness:

1. Remember, this, too, shall pass. Years ago, when I was going through a nasty breakup, my mom gave me a bracelet with these words inscribed on it. I wore it every day as a reminder to keep going. I share this as a reminder not for you to bypass whatever it is you are feeling right now in this moment, but to remember that no feeling is ever permanent or final. Life is fluid, ever changing, and our happy and light feelings are as fleeting as the dark ones. Difficult moments do not define you, so if you’re stuck in a particularly dense fog of difficult emotion, hold tightly to the notion that it will pass eventually.

2. Life is not meant to be lived perfectly. I was really hung up on the fact that I had made a big mistake, and that some how this made me bad and wrong. It was my inner perfectionist coming out. Some of us hold the notion that we should always know better than to make errors. I’m that way, for sure. But it’s this kind of thinking that will throw us off kilter, every single time we go astray. As human beings, we will be wrong and we will mess up. It’s useless to beat ourselves up for the mistakes we make. Learn from your wrongdoings, alter your actions, see where you can do better, and if appropriate make amends. This is what trials are meant to do for us, show us how we can be better, not perfect.

3. Sometimes difficulty comes when we are living out of alignment. In my case, I was making choices that weren’t aligned with my values and with my intuition. I got gut hits to do differently, and I ignored them. Sometimes we have to have the big lessons shoved right in our faces to see that we’ve been acting out of alignment and out of character. It’s painful, but it sure is effective. Start to notice if the trouble you’re experiencing is due to being misaligned. You know your values and where your heart lies, pivot back to actions that feel right in your soul.

4. Forgiveness is incomplete if it does not include yourself. We all know that forgiveness sets us free, releases us from the binds of old hurts, and allows us to move forward in life. It’s often easier for us to forgive others than it is to forgive ourselves, for whatever reason. If you are constantly beating yourself up for mistakes or errors in judgment, this won’t erase what happened, it will just make you feel worse in the present moment. Clear your conscience of guilt and remorse, and replace it with resolve and commitment to being better. I promise you’ll feel better, stronger, and more empowered for it.

5. Asking for support is not a sign of weakness. I tend to be a pretty reserved person about my own hardship, I guess that’s the Scorpio in me. My default is to try to figure everything out in my own mind, in my own time, and not bother others with my problems. Sometimes, that works. But know that in these difficult and unprecedented times, we must lean on each other, and feel comfortable reaching out and asking for support. Feeling held by my loved ones was no doubt, the biggest silver lining of my own tough time. If you don’t feel like you have safe spaces, please reach out here and know that we are here for you.

I hope this provides some comfort and tangible steps to alleviating the personal pain you may feel in this wild life. Sending you all so much love.

xo, Michelle

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Managing Unnecessary Stress

Hi my friends,

I will keep this week’s message to you short, and sweet, as I know we all have so much that we are managing these days, I’d like to take up as little of your precious time as possible!

Let’s have a chat about unnecessary stress, how that’s different than regular life stress, and how we can start to manage and eliminate the these pesky things in life that we just don’t need to go through.

We all know that we are living in a difficult, unprecedented era of time, and there are many, many stresses that we are experiencing that we often don’t have the bandwidth or the tools to deal with, and that is all very real. So please remember, if you’re struggling to process everyday life it’s very okay and very, very normal. A gentle reminder for all of us, in times of extreme difficulty, we must double down on care, which includes prioritizing health, wellness, and boundary setting.

Life, in normal circumstances, is stressful. We are perpetually juggling many things at once, and of course, it takes a toll, and can make us feel scattered, anxious, and exhausted. There is a difference though, between the natural stresses of life, and what I like to call (or what my therapist named for me), unnecessary stress.

Unnecessary stress simply defined, is the stress that is brought into your life that is not yours to carry and is certainly not yours to solve. Unnecessary stress comes in the form of other people (usually toxic), systems, outside entities, and unhealthy habits that we cultivate within ourselves. Unnecessary stress makes our already complicated lives, even more so, and this week I want to give you the permission to release these added burdens that weigh heavy on you.

As empathetic humans, we tend to want to take on battles that aren’t ours to fight, and we burn ourselves out in the process of doing so. If you’re feeling that deep sense of burn out, stress, and extra anxiety, please take some time this week to take inventory of your life and see where unnecessary stress is creeping its way in, and know that you have the power to say no and escort it right out.

In order to take care of yourself in these extraordinary times, it’s required that you set boundaries to manage “life disruptors” that are not yours. You’re allowed to say no to the things that perpetually drain you of your energy, efforts, and resources.

These past few months alone, in my personal life, I’ve had to set extra firm boundaries with people I hold dear, and I’ve had to make major lifestyle changes to protect my mental health and wellbeing. It’s not always easy to do so, but the relief I feel from making these changes is invaluable.

You will never regret taking aligned actions, to protect yourself, your health, and your energy. Where will you start to release unnecessary stress in your life?

xo, Michelle

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5 Affirmations for Combating Negative Thinking

Hi my dear friends,

In this week’s blog, I wish to share my insights on negativity, negative thoughts, and how we can start to counteract all of it to find a sense of balance, equilibrium, confidence, and inner peace. Sound good? Great!

First of all, I want to say that I use the words “negativity” and “negative thoughts” carefully and mindfully. These days, we tend to be very quick to label something as negative, especially if it’s something that makes us feel uncomfortable or anxious or unsure. To be clear, I don’t believe that to be negativity. Sometimes, it’s necessary to feel those feelings, to be present to the uncomfortable moments, and to notice when this all arises, so that we can learn what we can from it, pivot if needed, and move forward. This isn’t negativity, it’s just life.

Sometimes, especially these days, we label uncomfortable interactions with other people as negative. Again, I don’t believe that to be true. Having a difference of opinion with someone isn’t negative, setting a boundary isn’t negative, feeling stressed by someone’s actions isn’t negative, and having stern but important conversations isn’t negative.

In my opinion, and in my definition, the negativity stems from our reactions to all of what I described above. Uncomfortable moments become negative when we allow ourselves to fester without resolve, unprocessed feelings become negative when we don’t fully feel them to completion, relationships become negative when we don’t communicate and speak out when we feel stressed, flustered, or unseen and unheard. Negativity, and the resulting negative thoughts, come from our own unchecked energy and thought processes.

This year, for me, has been very challenging. On top of everything happening globally, I’ve been presented with a handful of issues that have been arduous to untangle and sort through. There have been many, many times when feelings about an unsettled situation have come into my mind, I’ve allowed it to fester, my thoughts spiraled into very unproductive and doomsday undertones, and I could witness myself experiencing heightened anxiety, stress, and depressive moments.

For me, one of the best ways to start to come out of those negative holes is to simply change the script of the thoughts in my mind. I do not allow my mind to run away with story telling and worst case scenario thinking, I know that it will make me feel infinitely worse. Instead, I fill that void with the opposite, the affirmation of the things I’d like to see, what I’d wish to create, the energy I’d like to feel. I heavily rely on the repetition of positive affirmations.

Affirmation repetition isn’t new for me here in this blog, but I felt it was important to share this aspect of the practice, as I know many of us are really feeling the challenge of these times.

I know there’s much that we cannot control, but let’s focus on what we can. We can be mindful of the information and content that we take in every day (news, social media, books/literature). We can set boundaries with people and circumstances that deplete us of our energy and make us feel worse. And, we can cultivate an awareness of the patterns of the mind, and be quick to stop those unhealthy thought processes that lead to negative and unproductive thinking.

These are some of my favorite go-to affirmations to quell my negative thinking:

When I feel down and dejected and like nothing is going right, I pivot my mind to: “Life excites me.”

When faced with uncertainty and confusion, I love leaning on “I trust the timing of my life.”

When feeling lonely, “I love, honor, and cherish myself. I am fortified by my own company.“

When feeling overwhelmed and anxious, “All is well, I feel at peace.”

And when I feel scared and lonely, “I feel safe and supported.”

As I’ve said in the past, affirmations aren’t meant to bypass reality and the feelings that you may be feeling, but rather, to intercept that rabbit-hole thinking. I encourage you to come up with a few back-pocket affirmations that resonate with you that you can rely on, instantly, when needed.

I’d love to hear which affirmations have been working for you these days, let me know in the comments below!

xo, Michelle

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5 Reminders for Managing Judgment

Hi my Friends,

For many years I’ve been in a self-study of sorts on the topic of judgment. Long ago, a teacher of mine tasked me with the practice of simply noticing the moments where I engaged in judgment. As someone who believes so strongly in my own kind-hearted nature, I was stunned to witness that the judgment that I also hold permeates into ever faction of my life. This was eye-opening. Even though it has been years, I came to this stark realization; I still struggle with the concept of judgment, and more so, the judgment I subsequently have because of my own judgmental nature.

So I have been reflecting on what I think this all means, and how to try to transform it into something that can make life feel a little more free and light. The truth about judgment is, it’s extremely heavy.

For me, judgment is the act of holding negative and critical views or opinions of someone or something. Usually, it’s a knee-jerk reaction, with heightened emotion. Judgment tends to look like stories we write about other people, comparisons we make, and often times, criticisms that aren’t based on truth or facts.

For me, judgment often looks like:

“Ugh, I can’t believe that person just did that, what are they thinking!”

“Wow, I would never in a million years do that, they must be a terrible person”

“Only a bad person would believe that”

“Ew, that looks so bad”

As you can see, this sampling of some of my own judgmental thoughts are negative and highly critical in nature. I’ve thought these things about people I don’t even know, people I love, and even about myself. Judgment doesn’t discriminate, but the foundational through-line is that it tears someone or something down, in order to lift someone or something up.

It’s an illusion of being better than that person or thing that we are judging.

The thing about judgment is that it’s really not productive or inspiring or motivational. It’s really just an energy drain. I feel worse when I’m extra judgmental. I feel more unhappy, agitated, and anxious. And I know so many of us feel the same way.

The tricky thing about judgment is that it’s extremely hard to stop, it’s so embedded in our nature, our culture, our society. I used to think that it was possible to eliminate judgmental thinking, but after all this time, I’m not so sure that’s possible. I do think, though, that we can start to train ourselves to be less engaged with it. To be aware of the judgments, and choose differently. To nip it all in the bud, rather than letting it fester.

Ultimately, minimizing judgment will help us to move closer to where we want to be. Take a moment to think about how much time, effort, and energy you spend in judgment: being concerned with what’s wrong with other people and other things, harboring in that hostile energy. The truth is, hating on other people and things won’t help us thrive, but rather keep us stuck in a loop of self-sabotage. We don’t have to live in the judgment. It can be a role in our lives, but not the main character.

I know that I’m throwing a lot at you on such a heavy and oftentimes confusing topic, so I want to leave you with some simple reminders when you start to examine judgment in your life. Remember that this is something that we all experience, if this resonates with you, this does not make you a bad person, but rather, provides such a beautiful opportunity for growth and peace.

Remember that judgment stems from stories and opinions that we’ve told ourselves. Oftentimes it’s not true, kind, or productive. When faced with a judgment, talk back to it with something that’s true, and redirect your mind to something that’s useful for you in your own life.Remember that we all live life through a completely unique lens. Other people may not view the same scene like you do. Other people haven’t had the same experiences that you have had.Remember that sometimes, the judgments that we hold about other people really are none of our business. It’s easier to critique someone else’s life and patterns than to focus inward on ourselves. But it’s the turning of the mirror and our own self-work that will help us grow into the best version of ourselves.Remember that sometimes the harshest judgments are not about others, but about ourselves. Release the need to compare who you are with the rest of the world. You are unique and perfect as you are.Remember that taking action is a beautiful way to move through anything in life. If faced with judgment that won’t dissipate, ask yourself what aligned action you can take to help shift the situation, and help bring you back to peace.

xo, Michelle

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7 Ways to Manage Fear

Hi my friends,

This week I want to share some thoughts I have on the topic of fear. Fear comes up in many conversations lately, which makes perfect sense, because it definitely feels like there is a lot to be fearful of right now. Life is unpredictable and at times, chaotic, and it’s natural for our minds to fear what we don’t know.

While fear plays a very large role in our lives today, being completely consumed by this fear won’t help us. It’s important for us to note the purpose that fear serves. Fear can be a protector, a shield, a voice of reason. It’s very beneficial to remember the time and place where this is true. But fear can also run us ragged, take hold of us, and hijack our peace of mind.

When we get caught up in a life ruled by fear, we feel disempowered, we feel like a victim, and we feel like we have no control, anywhere. Like anything else in life, once we become aware of how fear creeps in, we can begin to change our relationship with it. We can use it to our own benefit, and we can transform how we view it, leaving us feeling much more empowered, courageous, and in control. Again, like everything else, this is a practice!

And so, my intention for the blog this week (and every week, truthfully) is to share my process with managing fears so that we can take the good and ditch what isn’t working for us. It is my intention to empower you all to work through your fears to help you to find peace of mind and a sense of security, from within.

Become aware of fear based thoughts. My number one way for tackling any problem is to first cultivate awareness. Often times we experience the symptoms of problems, and have trouble finding the true root. Fear based thoughts can be a slippery slope. If you’re feeling like fear has taken over you, take note! What thoughts are you thinking that are making you feel fearful? It might be helpful to take a fearful thought inventory. A great way to do this is to carry around a small notebook and jot down the thoughts when they arise. Putting these thoughts on paper will help you to recognize them, honor them, and work through them.Notice what situations and circumstances bring up this fear for you. Just like it’s important to take note of your thoughts, it’s also helpful to be mindful of experiences that bring up fear. Again, it can be helpful to take an inventory at first just to get a grip on what is up for you with fear. Write down in your notebook where, how, and when fear creeps in for you, again so that we can work through it. More on this below!Don’t judge your fears. We all fear different things for different reasons based on our own very unique paths in life. Try not to judge yourself for what makes you feel on edge, there’s likely a reason for it. Our work is about noticing the fears, finding where they stem from, and working with them. Judgment will not be of service here. On the flip-side, it’s nice to be mindful and note when you are judging other’s for their fears as well. Remember, we all are walking different paths and likely have our reasons for the fears we’ve picked up.Talk out your fears. Like I said at the beginning of the blog, some fear can serve a purpose, and some can be damaging. My favorite way of sorting out my fears is to converse with them. If I’m experiencing fear, and my mind becomes aware of it, it’s been helpful for me to stop and walk myself through my fear. Why is this coming up for me right now? What is making me feel this way? What am I afraid of in this instance? From my experience, fear breeds off of uncertainty and relies on you not taking action on it. Having these internal conversations when fear arises will help you to nip it in the bud so to speak and help you to weed out the irrational fears that might be plaguing you.Have a sounding board on call. While it’s great to be able to talk yourself through fear, sometimes it’s super beneficial to get an outside opinion. Have on call someone you trust, someone who has your best interest at heart, someone who can be truthful with you; so when you’re feeling overcome with fear, you can feel safe talking it out.Work through the possible outcomes. So much fear stems from uncertainty of the future. Our minds love to imagine all the bad possibilities of situations and circumstances, and often times forget the good ones. When feeling fearful, take some time to jot out the possible outcomes, both good and bad. Read through the list and ask yourself the likelihood of these outcomes. Often, when we confront the wild stories our mind has made up, we can rationalize with them and find a sense of peace.Take action. One of the biggest obstacles fear can bring is the feeling of overwhelm and victimhood. We feel like we have no power and no control. While it’s true that we can’t control what happens in the external world, we can influence what takes place. The best way to calm the mind, ease the fears, and to promote any kind of change you wish to see is to commit to action. Actionable steps can be small but powerful. You never know what kind of magic is on the other side of fear.

I hope this process for transforming fear is helpful for you! Sending you all so much love.

xo, Michelle

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My 6 Tips for Practicing Discernment

Hi dear friends,

I believe deeply in the importance of truth.  There’s so much going on in our lives, in our minds, and on our screens, that offer up varying degrees of truth, and to be honest, for me, it’s become increasingly more challenging to discern, to uncover, and to know what is true.

I believe with my whole heart that the truth matters, the truth is the foundation from which we live an aligned and powerful life. My favorite quote from my mom is, “Truth is the basis of all healing.” There is so much power, meaning, and purpose in the truth. But, we must take the time, and make the space, to get to the deep root of truth.

How can we do that? Through the practice and the art of discernment.

Like most things in life, we get better at something when we practice, when we cultivate experience, and when we learn from mistakes. I believe this can be applied in our pursuit of strengthening our discernment muscle.

So, here are my tips for doing this:

Remember your intention and desire to live and be in alignment with truthGive yourself the space and time to ask important questionsKnow when it’s time to dig deeper, look closer, and pauseTune into your gut instincts and intuition, so that you can recognize red flagsDon’t be afraid to have hard conversations surrounding the truthHonor your truth by speaking it, by living it, in a kind, open-hearted way

I hope this little guide is helpful for you to start building up YOUR discernment muscle!

I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments below! Wishing you all a beautiful week!

xoxo, Michelle

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5 Ways to Tap Into Your Purpose

Hi my friends,

I want to take this week to do a little part two, of last week’s blog about purpose! I received so many notes and positive feedback from many of you, resonating with this new way of reframing the concept of purpose, and I’m so grateful. I wrote last weeks blog from my own experience and frustration with how purpose used to show up in my life, and it feels so much more aligned and integrated coming from the inside out. If you missed last week’s blog, you can catch up on it here.

This week I wanted to dive in deeper into some tangible steps to tap into, and actively cultivate that feeling of purpose. It’s so easy to fall in love with an idea, concept, or intention, and then get lost in the implementation, so I wanted to share how I put purpose into practice.

Last week I said, I don’t believe that purpose is a steady, permanent concept, but rather something fluid that changes and evolves along with us, and that’s what makes it fun! Below are five simple action items that you can start to implement today, to help you feel more connected to your own purpose. I hope you find them helpful!

Daily connection with myself. Life changes from minute to minute, but you can always find a sense of being centered when you stop, close your eyes, and breathe. I will never be able to describe enough, the feelings, rejuvenation, inspiration, and clarity I receive when I connect with myself on a regular basis. This can look like a daily meditation practice, journaling, dancing, taking walks, or anything that makes you feel connected and at peace. Limit distractions. It’s really easy to be confused and overwhelmed when life around you is confusing and overwhelming. This has happened to me on more than one occasion, where I was so desperately seeking clarity and direction, and couldn’t see it clearly because I had so many distractions in my life. The important things in life rise to the surface when we clear away the unnecessary clutter and chaos. This looks like setting boundaries, saying no, and leaving something on your to-do list for a later date. PS–it’s okay to do this! Be present. As corny and cliche as it sounds, I really do believe that life is guiding us and sending us messages and signs along the way; we just have to be present to it. So often we allow ourselves to do too many things at once, and miss out on the beauty and the wisdom that so naturally appears when we are present. This looks like leaving your phone in the other room when you’re having a conversation with someone, not multitasking, and setting boundaries with technology. Follow simple joys. Sometimes we get too much into our heads about what purpose and meaning is supposed to look like in our lives, when in reality our bodies and intuition have the clues all along. Start to notice the simple actions or interactions that excite you, make you want to learn more, leave you curious, and optimistic. These are the breadcrumbs that you can collect in creating a purposeful life. This can look like driving a few minutes extra to go to a coffee shop that makes you happy, going for a walk in a new part of town, or exploring a class in a topic that has always interested you. Care for the life you have. Our minds love to wander into wondering about what things would be like if we were presented with different circumstances or if we had the things we truly desired. While it’s important to dream and actively cultivate our desires, we also need to remember to keep watering the garden that we have right now. Life moves forward and progresses when we honor and care for what we have in the present. Show up for your life now, so you don’t allow the life you’re creating for yourself to pass you by.

xo, Michelle

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4 Powerful Ways Purpose Shows Up in My Life

My dear friends,

The concept of purpose has always been an important part of my life and my evolution. I’ve always put the concept of purpose on a high pedestal, liking it to value, worthiness, and meaning in life.

Over the years I’ve learned, though, that this elevation of the concept of purpose, perpetuated a constant state of disconnection and dissatisfaction. I found that I was chasing a concept, rather than honing a feeling. I was outwardly seeking something that could only be cultivated from the inside out.

Years ago if you had asked me what my purpose was, I would have probably said something to the degree of a writer, teacher, or speaker. But those are just bland, limiting titles, that don’t even begin to tell the story of what I’m meant to bring to the world in my lifetime. Purpose isn’t about limits and being boxed in pre-conceived notions and titles, but rather, it’s about unique, authentic expression. It’s about presence.

So now, if you were to ask me of my purpose, I would simply say that it’s to show up, as my most authentic self, and live and act from that place, every day.

I’ve found that purpose can show up in the tiniest of moments, like the care that I put into administering twice-daily insulin shots to my diabetic cat, Charlotte, to the largest scale project, like finally getting around to writing my first book.

Purpose shows up when I interact with my family and friends and when I strategize new business endeavors.

Purpose also shows up in how I engage with the concept of community, but also how I carve out self-care.

Purpose is the aligned energy that you bring to your life and an honoring of who you are in each moment. It is knowing that you, your life circumstances, and desires will change over time.

When I think about purpose in this way, it fills me up, rather than depletes me. It reminds me that I am already whole and complete and worthy, regardless of external titles and societal roles.

And this beautiful shift has made such a positive impact in my life.

If purpose is a concept that has been a struggle for you, I hope this reframe is purposeful for you (pun intended :)).

Ultimately, I believe that we are all here, at this time, for a reason. And I’m so grateful you all are here with me.

xo, Michelle

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5 Lessons I’ve Learned From Ended Friendships

My dear friends,

I want to talk today about some thoughts I have about the ending of friendships. I’ve always felt so conflicted about this topic, because somehow, somewhere, it was instilled in me early on that friendships ending signals some sort of moral or personal failure.

I think for a long time I lived under these rules and guidelines (unclear where they stem from) that it’s okay for romantic relationships to end, but it’s not okay for friendships to fall away.

In full transparency, I’ve had many dear friendships end, and what I know now to be true is that this is okay, and it is normal.

I think many of us hold an enormous amount of shame, guilt, and judgment over seemingly “failed” friendships, when in reality sometimes these relationships just ran its course.

A friendship, or any relationship, coming to a close does not signify your worthiness or capability of love, honor, and acceptance.

In the last few years I’ve worked really hard to reframe and restructure what relationships mean to me, in my own life. It’s been freeing and enlightening to release myself from the preconceived notions and rules that I had formally held when it comes to the people and dynamics in my life.

I hope that in this blog this week, you can start to find a sense of freedom, understanding, and acceptance that comes from the rise and fall of a relationship.

Below are five of the most meaningful lessons I’ve learned to date on the topic:

Friendships don’t need to last “forever” in order to be meaningful, impactful, or loving. I whole-heartedly believe that some relationships are for a reason and a season.Human beings are never stagnant, so it’s futile to assume relationships would or could ever be. We are always growing, evolving, and changing, and thus, so are our relationships.Sometimes the most loving act you can do for someone is to give space and grace.We never really know what other people’s life experiences are like, which means that we can never fully understand why some people act the way that they do. Don’t waste your time trying to find the reasons of people’s behaviors, but rather cultivate awareness and acceptance, and a clear sense of what you will and will not tolerate.It is okay to set boundaries with people you love. A boundary is not a signifier of something wrong, but rather an act of care. The red flag rises when the people in your life cannot or will not respect the boundary.

xo, Michelle

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How Grief Shows Up in My Life

Hi my friends,

If you’ve been reading the blog for a period of time, you know that my dad unexpectedly passed away 14 years ago. I’ve shared my thoughts about unexpected passing and how I manage my relationship with grief, and this week I wanted to share some of my reflections and thoughts in how grief shows up in my life, even after all these years.

Before experiencing such a difficult loss, I held the impression of the old adage that time heals all wounds. I thought that we human beings can get over anything that happens to us, if we just power through it, and one day, the pain might disappear all together.

But after 14 years, I know that this is just not the case. Grief still comes in waves. I still get pangs of pain from the loss that cannot be replaced. There is a loneliness that comes from knowing that the one person who would understand something cannot be reached. There is sadness that comes from missed milestone moments. There is the anxiety of holding on to every memory because you know they are finite and cannot be replaced.

All of this still comes up for me, and after all this time, I know that this is okay. I’m actually grateful for it because my grief is a tether to something special. And I wouldn’t want that to go away, to be honest.

It has been immensely helpful for me to deeply know this as truth: grief is not a life experience that you push through, it’s a layer of life that becomes a part of you. And ultimately, it’s up to you how you relate to it, tend to it, and allow it to operate within your life.

Having this perspective about grief greatly changed my relationship with it. It shifted from feeling at the mercy of the unrelenting waves, to being an equal partnership. It is with this awareness that allows for the space to have a choice of how you want to engage with the dynamic, and it ultimately allows for more compassion and understanding within yourself.

Rather than pushing it aside or feeling ashamed, I embrace it.

Remember, grief is the reminder that love was present, and even if that love is no longer in its original form, that love still exists.

If you’re going through a loss and experiencing grief, I invite you to sit with yourself and tap into how you want your relationship with grief to look. See if there are places in your life where you can honor and embrace the grief that shows up, as the placeholder of what was. And ultimately know, that this process is so deeply personal and unique to you. Know that however you move through it is perfect and beautiful.

xo, Michelle

 

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