Barbara Schmidt's Blog, page 12

10 Ways to Make Someone’s Day

My dear friends,

Even as we are in the spirit of the holiday season, there is a heaviness in the air and a looming feeling of anxiety that resides just beneath the surface for so many of us. Over these past two years there has been so much that has been asked of us, we’ve sacrificed so much, and we’ve endured great collective trauma. Many of us are feeling burned out, overwhelmed, overstretched, and simply exhausted.

This week, I just want to remind you all that if you are feeling any of these feelings, it is completely normal. These are not normal times, and thus our mental and physical reactions to it all will feel uncomfortable and unsettling. But the truth is your feelings are always valid no matter what.

I, myself, have been struggling more than usual lately, and rather than being hard on myself for it, I remind myself that no feeling is ever final, and even this, too shall pass.

One of my favorite ways to lift my own spirits is to help lift the spirits of another. Kindness costs nothing, and it often means everything, especially during this season of life.

Here are my favorite ways to spread love and kindness these days:

Being fully present in conversations with other people. By looking people in the eye, and being fully engaged in your interactions, people will feel your care and consideration.Being extra patient with others and allowing extra time for long lines and extra wait times.Sending a loving message, text, or email, just because.Running an errand or completing a task for a loved one who is truly overstretched.Communicating your needs with the people around you, and allowing them to do the same with you.Honoring your boundaries that make you feel safe and whole, and doing the same with others.Releasing judgments for how other people choose to live their lives, and wish them well from afar.Buying a coffee for the person behind you in line, or chipping in for a gift fund for someone who is experiencing financial hardship.Showing and expressing your appreciation and gratitude for the people around you, especially service workers, healthcare workers, and retail employees.Taking care of, and honoring your needs, so that you have the energy and the space to show up for others when called to do so.

Sending you all so much love during this holiday season, and always.

xo, Michelle

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15 Affirmations for the Holiday Season

My dear friends,

I know that we can all agree the holiday season brings up a wide array of emotions, and at times, it can feel overwhelming. For me personally, these last few months of 2021 have felt extra challenging, so I have been relying heavily on my tools and practices to keep me in a level-headed, calm, and clear space. If you can relate to any of this, I want to share my favorite affirmations that I use during this time of year, as a way to break up any negative chatter that comes into my mind, and redirect you to the present moment where all is well. Remember our power lies in choosing, and this moment is the only time we actually have a choice in how we will respond to life’s challenges.

As a reminder, affirmations are not meant to give a false sense of hope or a denial of reality, but rather, a reinforcement of our goals, wishes, hopes, and dreams. Affirmations are a redirection, a course correction, to bring us into the present moment and get us mentally back on track towards feeling better about life.

I wake up excited for each new dayLife is happening for me, not to meEvery moment presents opportunities for happinessI am safe, I am healthy, I am wellMy life is filled with magicI am loved, I am honored, I am cherishedI am worthy of my deepest desiresI am grateful for everything that I have in this momentI trust the timing of my life. Everything is unfolding for me as it shouldThe joy that I share always comes back to meI am present, I am patient, I breathe through stressful momentsI release unnecessary expectations, I know that I am always enoughI find happiness in the smallest joysI feel calm, centered, and grounded within myselfI trust myself, I love myself, all is well

Wishing you happiness, strength, and calm during this week. Remember no feeling is final, this, too, shall pass.

xo, Michelle

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5 Tips for Not Taking Things Personally

Hi friends, wishing you a beautiful start to this new week.

One of the biggest lessons that this year taught me (again) is the power of not taking things personally. I’ve found that as much as we put in the effort to heal and to shift perspectives, sometimes old habits and difficult thought patterns creep back in, especially during challenging times. It’s always been difficult for me to remember not to take the words, actions, and energy of other people personally. For whatever reason, it’s my nature to immediately internalize it and make it my own, which always leaves me feeling shaken, unclear, and disappointed.

I know that we all have experienced great difficulty over these past two years of pandemic living, and it certainly feels like we are all a bit on edge, especially now that we are in the holiday season.

It feels timely to remind us all that nothing, that anyone else says or does, is a reflection of who you are and your ability to be loved and respected. The actions of others says everything about them, and how you react and respond is what says everything about you.

I will admit that not taking things personally is definitely an easier said than done sort of deal, but I am here for you to help you, and hopefully walk you through some steps you can take to start to find this relief in your relationships with others and with yourself.

1. Cultivate awareness. I believe awareness is always the most important step towards any sort of growth or change; however, in this practice it’s the most paramount. Without awareness, the mind will always go into the habitual practice of taking the actions of others, personally. It’s just how it will work. But, in recognizing that we would like to change this behavior, and reminding ourselves regularly of this intention, we can start to make that positive shift, and ultimately begin to break the habit.

2. Remember that we are all living life through our own unique filter. This one was a big one for me in my own journey. So often I would assume that other people were seeing situations or experiences exactly as I was, which, of course, is never the case. We are all unique! With different paths, beliefs, views, and experiences. It’s likely that we will never see a situation or circumstance 100% the same as someone else, so just remember this when starting to take someone else’s opinions, actions, or views personally. Others have a perception of what’s happening and so do you.

3. Strengthen your discernment muscle. It is so beneficial to our own mental health and to our relationships to be able to discern what situations require action and attention and which ones simply do not. I’d like to think of this step as a “pick your battles” suggestion, because as human beings, we could take everything personally and go to battle about every single one of those things. And we would be fighting about it all until the end of time. This is a step in learning about yourself, what matters to you, and what you wish to go to bat for. So start to take notice of what things you can let go, and what things you need to stand up for.

4. Speak your truth when necessary. From our own discernment, we can determine if a situation requires further action. Grounded in your own sense of self and confidence, you can speak up and speak out if a circumstance truly requires a conversation. Know that just because you’re not taking something personally, you can still speak up about something if it doesn’t feel aligned or appropriate for you.

5. Forgive, release, move forward. Usually when I’ve taken something too much to heart I hold a feeling of resentment or anger towards that person. For example if a friend cancels dinner plans abruptly, I may immediately take it personally thinking maybe I did something wrong for her to cancel, or maybe I might think, “Wow! That’s rude for her to cancel last minute.” When in reality maybe she was just having a really bad day, and needed space. The point here is that the mind immediately begins writing stories about what’s happening and we have absolutely no idea. It’s important to recognize this so that you can forgive and release those attachments to a situation that never had anything to do with you in the first place.

I hope these simple, powerful, and not always easy steps are helpful for you in your journey to not taking the actions of others personally!

Xo, Michelle

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5 Reminders for Managing Overwhelm

My dear friends,

Now that we are fully into the holiday season, it’s easy and oh so common to feel the mounting pressure that this time of year can bring. When we have so much on our plates, when there is a lot expected of us, and when it feels like time is a resource that we never have enough of, the feelings of overwhelm can go into overdrive.

Overwhelm can feel a lot like being completely sped up and paralyzed, at the same time. It can also make us feel like we are never doing enough, that we’re doing a bad job, or that we simply are not enough at all.

I know we all want to end this year with some happiness, joy, peace, and clarity. I know I wish that deeply for myself and for all of you.

This week, I want to offer up these five simple reminders when you’re feeling that end-of-the-year, holiday pressure, and to remind you that everything is manageable if we take it one-day-at-a-time, and please know that you are always enough!

1. Carve out some time for silence and stillness. It is in these silent moments that we can see and hear clearly. That we can know what’s true for us, that we can understand the actions to take, and that we can cultivate the strength and bravery to take the next step.

2. Cultivate positive self-talk. I know this sounds cliche, especially at this time in life, but I urge you to hear me out! It’s even more important now to be your very own cheerleader. Remind yourself of your capabilities, that you can handle more than your mind is telling you, that you already have handled so much, and that you are always stronger than you think. In these make or break moments, we tend to flounder when our minds give up on ourselves. Give yourself the leg up, and train your brain to be your best advocate in these times.

3. Remember that you don’t have to have it all together. I keep telling myself that, there is no handbook to life, and we are all on different and unique paths. My journey is not the same as yours so it’s okay if you’re misunderstood sometimes and feel lost and confused. It’s okay if you mess up, we all will. Trying to be perfect in life is like trying to stay dry in a hurricane. Impossible! Release the need to be everything, and focus on one thing, and then the next thing. You can do this!

4. Make your tasks manageable. In times of high pressure and expectation, it always feels like there’s so much to do and not enough time. This frantic energy of scarcity and lack makes us feel worse than we already do. Make a schedule for yourself if that gives you peace of mind. Dole out tasks for each day. Give yourself bite size chunks so that tasks feel easier to swallow. No one is asking for us to be superheroes during this time, they’re just asking for us to be human, and to remember our humanity. We can’t do it all and be it all, all it once. But we can get a lot done when we know ourselves enough to give us the tasks in a manageable way.

5. Be a source of strength for others. Sometimes we get wrapped up in our own dramas and we feel like there’s nothing we can do. One of the biggest sources of energy and strength for me at this time is being of service to those in my personal life and in my community. Reach out to a friend who might be having a hard time and offer an ear. Offer to bring over some groceries to someone who might not have the time to make the stop. Get creative with how you can be helpful. When we reach out to those we care about, we are also reaching back in to care for our souls. I do truly believe that we are all in this together, and so when one of us thrives, we all will thrive. We can be that source of love and happiness for one another.

Finally, please remember that we are all just doing the best we can with what we’ve been given, especially during this period of time of immense stress, anxiety, and uncertainty. Remember to be kind, be patient, and understanding with others. Be compassionate towards those around you, but also for yourself. Remember your strength and resilience, and know that it will take you far.

With love,

Michelle

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How Gratitude Can Help In Turbulent Times

Hi dear friends,

As we enter into this holiday season of 2021, starting with the holiday rooted in gratitude, I want to take this moment to express my gratitude for you, reading this right now. I think that everyone can agree that life these past 20-months has been difficult, weird, and disorienting. It means so very much to me, my mom,  and the rest of us at Peaceful Mind Peaceful Life that you continue to be part of our community through it all.

I think sometimes it’s easy to forget how meaningful and powerful the practice of cultivating gratitude is in our lives. Often times, it seems to get swept up in our busy to-do lists as habits that we do just because we think we need to, rather than really tapping in to what that practice actually uncovers for us. I say this because I feel this way, often. Of course, I’m grateful for all the blessings and privileges that my life has bestowed upon me, but life is hard and messy and it’s easy to forget those blessings when we’re in the thick of hardship.

The interesting thing that I’ve noticed for myself when it comes to gratitude is that it’s easy to feel grateful when life is going really well, but it’s even more transformational during difficulty. Gratitude is the most powerful when life is hard, because it’s that lifeline that tethers us to something good. In turbulent times, we don’t always need miraculous acts and grandiose gestures, but often the simple recognition of that steady good, just beneath the surface can bring us so much peace and comfort.

I’ve often talked about how these years of the pandemic have opened my eyes to how much joy can be found in simplicity, and how there are so many simple, ordinary things in my every day life that I am truly grateful for. When life feels extra challenging, I drill deeper into those tiny joys, because no matter what, they are always there.

So if you’re feeling extremely bogged down by all the things that are seemingly going wrong, there is so much power in remembering the little things that are going right, and all we have to do is remember to look for it. There really is so much joy in the average, daily life occurrences, and in normal times, we take for granted. I’m incredibly grateful for this reminder to relish in these simplicities.

I find gratitude isn’t it’s most powerful in massive moments of great happiness and success, but in the spaces in between. Gratitude has the power to fill the void of uncertainty and bring us a sense of peace in chaos. When I can feel, just an ounce of gratefulness, especially when everything else around me may be upside-down, I can smile, breathe, and find hope for a better tomorrow.

My wish for during this holiday season, and this last month of the year, is that you feel safe and protected. May you be healthy and strong, May you see the joy and feel happiness in the ordinary moments of life, and may you live with confidence and ease.

With love and gratitude, Michelle

 

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How to Reframe Loneliness

Hello friends,

I wanted to share some of my thoughts this week, on a topic that I believe is timely and relevant in these intense moments we are living in. Many of us have been emotionally and physically processing these past 18-months, and in so many unique ways. No matter who we are or where we live, the necessary boundaries enacted to keep us all healthy and safe has led us to feel quite isolated and often times lonely.

I’ve written about solitude and how I learned to be alone in past blogs, however, I know that for many this forced pause and isolation has felt jarring, uncomfortable, and anxiety producing. Human beings are wired for connection, and we are so used to being with people, hugging people, and engaging with people in a meaningful way, that when that connection is broken, it leaves us with a void that we must consciously work to heal and fill.

I’d like to share this week my thoughts on loneliness vs. being alone and how we can differentiate the two feelings, and take aligned action in response to both.

First of all, I do not believe being alone is a bad or weird thing, I actually think moments of solitude are important. I’ve long felt that our societal pressures lead us to believe that that there’s something wrong with you if you’re alone, and in truth, it’s very necessary to know how to be in your own company, comfortably. I recognize that we are all unique in our personalities, introverts might find this quite easy, and more extroverted people may struggle. The baseline of my belief here is that there is necessity in creating a solid foundation within ourselves so that we can start to know ourselves, like ourselves, understand ourselves, and when necessary, be with ourselves without interruption or distraction.

I believe that this looks differently for all of us, as we all have unique life paths, but as life has so blatantly altered our collective realities, this is the perfect time to analyze and reflect on our own inner foundations, and how we can strengthen them. Rather than framing alone time as something to be ashamed of, I encourage you to look at it as something to be empowered by. When you are alone you aren’t distracted, you’re simply with you. When you are alone you can sit with your thoughts and feelings, uncomfortable as they may be, but just beyond that uncomfortableness is a deep knowing, an understanding, and a  sense of self-compassion. When we are alone we can begin to clearly see where we can heal and where we need to be more loving and gentle with ourselves.

Loneliness, on the other hand, is a craving for authentic, aligned connection, and you don’t actually have to be alone to feel lonely. I’ve felt incredibly lonely even when surrounded by a crowd of people, and so, I define loneliness as a feeling of disconnect within myself and from those around me. I take my loneliness as a sign that I need to actually sit in solitude to bring to the surface that cause of this feeling. There are so many instances and circumstances and social settings that can make us feel lonely and out of place, and I believe that when this feeling arises, it is an opportunity for healing within ourselves. I used to see my loneliness as a sign of unworthiness, as an indicator that I wasn’t enough, and that I didn’t deserve to feel not lonely. I started to work through this belief when I prioritized and created that solid foundation within myself that I mentioned above.

If you’re feeling lonely during these difficult and unprecedented times, I hope you can take heart in knowing that you’re not alone in these feelings. I hope you can muster a sense of empowerment by using these feelings to strengthen the bond that you have with yourself, and the inner knowing of your needs and desires. I hope that when you’re alone, you know that it doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with you, and over time you grow to enjoy the solitude and friendship that comes from cultivating this relationship with yourself.

Know that you are worthy of deep comfort, relief, and love.

xo, Michelle

 

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Reminder: It’s Important to Take Breaks

Hello friends!

I know that time, and schedules, and planning have all been turned upside down in these very strange times. It can be easy to switch into autopilot, just to get through whatever life is putting in our path, but every now and again, we have to reminder to stop, pause, and recenter ourselves.

We’ve talked a lot, here in the blog about shifting our expectations, being resilient, and how to be understanding in a time of uncertainty. How often, though, do we apply this to ourselves?

Without a doubt, no matter who you are or where you live, this year has presented unique challenges and difficulties. I want to remind you this week, that even during hard times or sad times, it’s important to cut yourself some slack, show yourself some grace, and give yourself a break.

Now more than ever, it’s crucial for us to have the awareness to know when to stop, when to give ourselves a pause, and when to take a rest, in order to reset and regroup.

It’s usually in our nature to propel through the uncomfortable and the uncertain, to avoid the feelings and unpleasantries, but I promise you, the time you give back to yourself will provide so much back for you. At first our minds will go wild, wanting us to believe that this quieted space is a bad thing, often thinking the following:

What will happen in that space of nothingness?

Will I let people down?

Will I fall behind? Will someone else surpass me?

Will I be forgotten?

Will I lose my creative flow?

Will I not start back up again?

Will I fail?

These are some of the questions I thought to myself when resisting taking a break. And the answer to all of them is a simple and meaningful no.

Taking breaks, creating spaces, taking pauses in life are a crucial, critical part of our self-care and self-preservation practices. Taking a moment of pause before starting again is regeneration and renewal. Giving yourself the gift of time and space cultivates creativity. Personal time solidifies the strong foundation we have from within to shine as bright as we can.

Taking breaks doesn’t always come easy to us, so I want to gently and confidently remind you that it’s okay. Breaks are allowed, and often it is necessary to pause, take a break, and start again.

Breaks can come in many forms and circumstances, and if you’re feeling called to pause, I hope you honor it, and remember…

…it’s okay to take a break from your work

…it’s okay to take a break from a relationship

…it’s okay to take space from someone you love

…it’s okay to take a break from your creative passions

…it’s okay to take a break during busy days

…it’s okay to take a break from your physical routine and diet

…it’s okay to take a break from your social calendar

…it’s okay to take a break and just be

This week, I commit to taking a break from stressing about my writing. If you feel called to share, what will you consciously take a break from this week?

Let’s keep the conversation going in the comments!

xo, Michelle

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5 Lessons I Learned This Year

Hi my friends!

Happy November!

I really love this time of year, the air is crisper, it’s socially acceptable to drink pumpkin spice lattes, and it’s the start of the holiday season, which I feel, after this year, we all are ready for some good cheer.

I find myself extra reflective when this time of year rolls around. I’ll be celebrating my birthday in a few days, and with a new year right around the corner, it feels important to me to take some time to go inward and honor what has transpired these past 10 months.

I know that life is never easy, and surely these 20-months of pandemic living have assured us of that, but the silver lining to it all, for me, is the lessons learned along the way. Hard times and difficult moments, while painful, can provide such beautiful opportunities for growth and cultivating strength and resiliency.

I think this year I picked up quite a few meaningful lessons, and want to share them with you today. Hopefully, somehow, they help you, too.

No one goes through life unscathed. I used to think that some people just had easier lives, and while it’s true that some of us are dealt certain privileges and circumstances that can make life easier, every single person living on this earth will face challenges and struggles. Everyone is fighting a battle, you just might not be able to see it, and this is the key. Release the need to compare or write stories about other people’s lived experiences, because we truly never know what it’s like to walk in someone else’s shoes.Change is the only true constant in life. While I’ve always known this to be true, this year taught me so much more about the concept of change and how important it is to cultivate the ability of acceptance. The more we can release the need to let go of what we cannot control, we can create the space to fully enjoy and experience what life has for us in the present moment. Our happiness will never find stability when placed in the hands of the external world, but it can take real roots when we cultivate it from within.It is not up to us to understand the timing of life. So often we like to force our lives to fit into tiny boxes in societal timelines, and it brings us so much stress and anxiety when the timelines don’t add up. This year has taught me, in such a big way, to release the tight grip I have on what I think my life should look like, and be open, and curious to the life that is constantly unfolding for me in each and every present moment. What we can do is continue to act in alignment, and hold the vision that the things, places, people, and circumstances we desire will always come to us in perfect timing.You’re allowed to care for yourself in ways that other people may not understand. Self-care, of course, has been such a hot topic during the course of this pandemic, we’ve learned, more than ever, that our own care of self is absolutely crucial. But so often it gets lost that how we actually care for ourselves is actually very unique to ourselves. I’ve learned to say no, even more often than usual, in order to care for myself, regardless of any fears of judgment or retaliation I might have been feeling.  You will never, ever regret the decisions you make when it comes to honoring your own self-care, remember that.No feeling is ever final. I learn and relearn this one every single day, but it will always be an incredibly powerful reminder for me. I have practices and tools that I use daily, but my thoughts can still get the best of me and take me to dark places. When you’re in those dark moments, they feel all-consuming, and they will last forever, right? But I know for certain that every feeling, the bad ones and the good ones, shift eventually. If you can hold on long enough, the light will always show up at the end of the tunnel. This is the real beauty of life, after every dark moment, comes light.

Thank you all so much for always being such a beautiful part of this community. I’m so grateful for you and never take your presence and support for granted.

xo, Michelle

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Learning to Notice Red Flags

My dear friends,

Life can feel confusing, uncertain, and oftentimes difficult to maneuver through at times. It’s normal to not always know what to do or what to say or how to act. As we go through life we pick up lessons and tips and tricks along the way, we learn how to grow, then we do better and be better.

What I find to be particularly cool about life is that we are often given signs and intuitive hits along the way. We don’t always have to figure everything out on our own, but we do simply need to hone our awareness to the information we are being given.

The topic of red flags has been buzzy and trending, and we’ve received so many questions on the subject.

In short, a red flag is your internal warning system letting you know that something is not right. But, how red flags show up for you can be totally unique to you.

A red flag can be a gut instinct, an intuitive hit, learning key information at the right time, or witnessing bad behavior. Red flags tend to be particularly noticeable when entering new relationships or environments.

In my own experience, I’ve noticed red flags in hindsight, saying to myself “I wish I had listened to my instincts there, I should have said no when I meant no, or something didn’t just feel right about that”.

The key to noticing and understanding red flags, however, is really knowing and understanding yourself, what you value, and what you will and will not tolerate. When you firmly hold on to this information, you can keenly pick up on the people, places, and things that are out of alignment with you.

When red flags appear in our lives, we are being asked to stop, listen, and reassess. There doesn’t necessarily have to be a negative charge associated with red flags, we simply are being nudged to consider whether something is right for us, personally.

This week, when you meet people, start to notice how you feel in certain situations, especially when you are being asked to do things. Bring your attention into your body, notice what you’re feeling and where, and start to trust your intuition. Your body never lies so pay attention. Don’t push it away thinking that what you’re feeling probably isn’t real.

Red flags come in all shapes and sizes, how do they show up in your life? I’d love to hear your experience with them in the comments!

Wishing you a beautiful week,
xoxo Michelle

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3 Tips for Mending Strained Relationships

Hi dear friends,

I’ve recently received many requests to touch on the topic of relationships, particularly when it comes to strained or difficult relationships. I think that no matter who we are, or how evolved we may feel, relationships will always be challenging life assignments. We are all incredibly unique people with different life paths and circumstances, and so, how we relate to each other and how we perceive each other will never be uniform. We view life, and the people in it, through our own unique lens, and I think that fact is incredibly important to remember when managing the relationships in our lives.

I’ve often struggled with the relationships in my life, I’ve had difficult family dynamics, friendship fallouts, and devastating breakups, and for a long time I thought my struggles meant that I was flawed and unloveable. Of course, it’s important to reflect on our own participation in a relationship, but what I’ve really come to truly understand and know as true is that not all relationships are meant to last. And ultimately, relationships ending do not make you any less worthy of the loving relationships you seek.

Over these past 18-months of strained, upside down pandemic living, our relationships have certainly taken a hit. We are all managing so much, and sometimes our ability to care for and tend to the relationships in our lives falls between the cracks. This week, I wanted to share with you, three helpful suggestions for mending a strained relationship, and also offer up the notion of solidarity that we are all going through this, in some way, shape, or form. You are never alone.

If you’re looking to bridge a gap with a relationship you hold dear in your life, try the following:

Clearly communicate your needs and desires. Often time rifts form from miscommunication, leading to disappointment and letdowns. It’s important to remember that the people in our lives aren’t mind readers. If you’ve been feeling mistreated, find a way to communicate that to the person in your life. The great thing about clear, thoughtful communication is that it creates opportunity for the other person to show up for you in an aligned way, and it strengthens the confidence within you to feel worthy to ask for what you need. It’s a win, win.Accept responsibility when necessary. None of us like making mistakes or making someone feel wronged, but the truth is, we all will do it, many times, in our lives. The imperfection of human nature shows us that mistakes are inevitable, but the beauty in it all is taking ownership on the road to redemption. The simple act of acknowledgement can create so much space for forgiveness and repair, and it feels really good to take responsibility for your own actions. There is no greater act of love than deeply acknowledging a wrongdoing, learning from it, and doing better next time.Set clear boundaries. It can feel hard to let someone back into your life who has hurt or harmed you. Strained relationships are a beautiful opportunity to take some time for personal reflection and take inventory on what you will and will not tolerate in your life. Our boundaries can change over time, and having a clear sense of where you draw the line can help you maintain your own level of care in a relationship. Lastly, remember that no person is owed access to you and your energy; you are always allowed to say no and take space when needed.

I hope these tips help you in any difficulty you may be experiencing. All relationships ebb and flow and never stay the same. If you can release the need to maintain what “was” and be open to what you want to create in the present, you’ll find so much peace and comfort.

Sending you all so much love.

xo, Michelle

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