Barbara Schmidt's Blog, page 14

My One Favorite Practice for Clarity and Self-Discovery

Hi my friends,

Lately, in conversations with friends, I’ve found myself commenting often about the passage of time, and how elusive time feels, and even how time is slipping by at such a fast pace. To be honest, it’s felt hard for my mind to comprehend it all.

With over 16 months of this global pandemic, of course it’s natural to feel this way. So much has happened, so much time has passed, and yet, in some ways it feels that time is standing still.

In the so called “normal times”, I often feel extra reflective when the seasons change, and as we start to ease out of Summer and into Fall, there’s so much that comes up for me regarding time: my relationship to it, how I want to spend it, where I’m wasting it, and and how it all makes me feel.

Whenever I catch myself in these reflective, but also uncertain loops, I know that it’s a signal for me to tap into my own clarity, intuition, and purpose. With so much happening in the world around us, I know that when I become still, the answers that I need are always here within me.

Journaling is the practice for me, that helps me to connect when I feel disconnected, uncover hidden truths, find direction when feeling lost, and remember what’s important when it all feels so confusing.

Journaling is the practice that soothes my soul, taps in to my intuition, and helps me to release anxious thoughts and worries.

Journaling is the practice of giving your thoughts a home.

Studies show that we have over 60,000 thoughts a day, many of them repetitive, and most of them negative in nature (that statistic alone makes me feel overwhelmed and confused). When we do not find a productive and tangible place for the negative thoughts, either in action or in practice, our mind will hold on to them tightly, and they will repeat as often as possible.

The practice of being cognizant and mindful of what you’re thinking, when you’re thinking it, and releasing it onto another medium, can bring a sense of clarity and newly found meaning.

Releasing your thoughts onto paper allows your mind to let go of the tightly held grasp of your thoughts. It puts your anxious mind at ease, knowing that you’ve acknowledged the thought, and you’ll take appropriate action with it.

Every night, I spend a few moments before bed, reflecting on my day. I put my pen to paper and allowing whatever thoughts arise to flow out of my mind, without attaching too much meaning or judgment on what comes out. Often times, the thoughts that come are the ones that I know are taking up too much space and not serving me. They’re the repetitive, negative ones, that hold me back and make me feel small.

Giving these thoughts a home allows me to create the mental space to clearly hold the vision of the hopes and desires that I wish for my life. It’s like skimming the top layer off, so that you can get to the goodness that lies just beneath the surface.

Which is why I love this practice so much. Journaling meets me where I am, allows me to be messy and authentic, and guides me to the truth, wherever it may be hidden, in any given day. It’s the perfect practice to encapsulate who I am in this moment, and to propel me to become who I wish to be.

If you’re interested in learning more about journaling practices, we have a guided self-study available here.

I’m sending you lots of love in your own journey to self-discovery!

xo, Michelle

 

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5 Ways to Say No

Hi my friends,

I’m really excited to talk about this topic today! The recovering people pleaser that lives in me knows how deeply hard it is to say “no”, but how liberating it feels when you finally allow yourself to do so.

For so many, saying “no” is nearly impossible. It’s ingrained in (most of) us, from the earliest of ages, to be appeasing, amenable, nice, polite, perpetually open and available, and always willing to go the extra mile. While in theory these qualities are positive in nature, it’s the lack of boundaries and feeling like you even have an option to decline that leads us to feel stifled, resentful, trapped, and utterly exhausted.

For almost my whole life, I’ve struggled to know how to say no to the things and circumstances that don’t feel aligned or frankly, that I’m not too interested in. I never wanted to hurt anyone’s feelings, I didn’t want to be considered rude or stuck up, and deep down, I held the fear that the more I said no, the less opportunities I would see.

The thing about perpetually saying yes is that eventually you get sick of it. You start resenting the people you begrudgingly say yes to, you feel like you have no time for yourself, your needs or your care, and your sense of clarity and boundaries gets so muddled it’s hard to really know where you stand in it all.

The truth is this: it’s okay to say no, and you’re completely allowed to say no without explanation. I know this second part, that truth, may be a tough pill to swallow. Sometimes this is really hard for me, too, but I stand by it.

You really don’t have to ever give explanation or reason for the decisions you make that honor yourself, your safety, your well-being, and your highest ideals for life. Making decisions from this confident, steadfast place, is one of the highest acts of self-care.

While all of this is true, often times it’s nice to have some gentle “no” responses in your back pocket, so you can feel well-equipped to decline with grace and ease. Below are five common responses I use in common circumstances that I hope will serve you in your quest to saying “no”!

When saying no to a friend or social circumstance: “Thank you so much for the invitation, I’m really grateful you thought of me in this occasion. I’m unable to make it, but I’d love to be thought of in the future.

When saying “no” in a business setting: “Unfortunately my schedule does not allot for me to take on new responsibilities at the moment. When I have a freer timeline, I will reach back out to reconnect”

When saying “no” because you’re unclear how you really feel: “I need more time and space to think about this, I will get back to you when I have more clarity”

When saying “no” because you feel overwhelmed and over scheduled: “I am completely overcommitted at this time, and I’m unable to say yes. When things settle down, I hope we can revisit your request”

When saying “no” because you need to say “yes” to yourself: “I’m focusing on my own mental health and wellness at this time and have to decline. Thank you so much for your understanding”

xo, Michelle

*Please remember that these suggestions are based in the assumption that you are saying “no” to generally safe and familiar circumstances. If you feel that you are in danger or in an unsafe situation, please say “no” without reason, disconnect completely, and seek assistance from a professional, when needed.

 

 

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5 Tips on How to Process Judgment

Hi my Friends,

For many years I’ve been in a self-study of sorts on the topic of judgment. Long ago, a teacher of mine tasked me with the practice of simply noticing the moments where I engaged in judgment. As someone who believes so strongly in my own kind-hearted nature, I was stunned to witness that the judgment that I also hold permeates into ever faction of my life. This was eye-opening. Even though it has been years, I came to this stark realization; I still struggle with the concept of judgment, and more so, the judgment I subsequently have because of my own judgmental nature.

So I have been reflecting on what I think this all means, and how to try to transform it into something that can make life feel a little more free and light. The truth about judgment is, it’s extremely heavy.

For me, judgment is the act of holding negative and critical views or opinions of someone or something. Usually, it’s a knee-jerk reaction, with heightened emotion. Judgment tends to look like stories we write about other people, comparisons we make, and often times, criticisms that aren’t based on truth or facts.

For me, judgment often looks like:

“Ugh, I can’t believe that person just did that, what are they thinking!”

“Wow, I would never in a million years do that, they must be a terrible person”

“Only a bad person would believe that”

“Ew, that looks so bad”

As you can see, this sampling of some of my own judgmental thoughts are negative and highly critical in nature. I’ve thought these things about people I don’t even know, people I love, and even about myself. Judgment doesn’t discriminate, but the foundational through-line is that it tears someone or something down, in order to lift someone or something up.

It’s an illusion of being better than that person or thing that we are judging.

The thing about judgment is that it’s really not productive or inspiring or motivational. It’s really just an energy drain. I feel worse when I’m extra judgmental. I feel more unhappy, agitated, and anxious. And I know so many of us feel the same way.

The tricky thing about judgment is that it’s extremely hard to stop, it’s so embedded in our nature, our culture, our society. I used to think that it was possible to eliminate judgmental thinking, but after all this time, I’m not so sure that’s possible. I do think, though, that we can start to train ourselves to be less engaged with it. To be aware of the judgments, and choose differently. To nip it all in the bud, rather than letting it fester.

Ultimately, minimizing judgment will help us to move closer to where we want to be. Take a moment to think about how much time, effort, and energy you spend in judgment: being concerned with what’s wrong with other people and other things, harboring in that hostile energy. The truth is, hating on other people and things won’t help us thrive, but rather keep us stuck in a loop of self-sabotage. We don’t have to live in the judgment; it can be a role in our lives, but not the main character.

I know that I’m throwing a lot at you on such a heavy and oftentimes confusing topic, so I want to leave you with some simple reminders when you start to examine judgment in your life. Remember that this is something that we all experience, if this resonates with you, this does not make you a bad person, but rather, provides such a beautiful opportunity for growth and peace.

Remember that judgment stems from stories and opinions that we’ve told ourselves. Oftentimes it’s not true, kind, or productive. When faced with a judgment, talk back to it with something that’s true, and redirect your mind to something that’s useful for you in your own life.Remember that we all live life through a completely unique lens. Other people may not view the same scene like you do. Other people haven’t had the same experiences that you have had.Remember that sometimes, the judgments that we hold about other people really are none of our business. It’s easier to critique someone else’s life and patterns than to focus inward on ourselves. But it’s the turning of the mirror and own self-work that will help us grow into the best version of ourselves.Remember that sometimes the harshest judgments are not about others, but about ourselves. Release the need to compare who you are with the rest of the world. You are unique and perfect as you are.Remember that taking action is a beautiful way to move through anything in life. If faced with judgment that won’t dissipate, ask yourself what aligned action you can take to help shift the situation, and help bring you back to peace.

xo, Michelle

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7 Tips For Dealing with Difficult People

Hi my friends,

Sending you all so much love in this new week!

I am most often asked about how to manage relationships, particularly when they are with people who are difficult or who push our buttons. While the people in our life can bring us so much joy, love, fulfillment, and excitement, we all have experienced the type of relationship that drains, depletes, and takes more than it gives.

I’ve spent lots of my time reflecting on this kind of relationship, and seeking to have a better sense of understanding when it comes to managing this type of person.

To start, I do truly believe relationships are a two-way street. It’s crucial to always keep ourselves in check, making sure we are showing up in the ways that we would like other people to show up for us. An unpopular truth is knowing that it can be easy to pass blame for relationship dysfunction onto the other, but true strength and love stems from showing up with integrity and with grace.

I know that there is a lot of pain accumulated from relationships, we store all the hurts and traumas in the body, and then they can create a barrier around our heart. Rather than letting the difficulty in your life harden and close you off, remember that relationships can serve as our greatest teachers about strength, resiliency, love, and forgiveness. All of our past relationships have taught us what we need to know, to show up in the most aligned way for the relationships of the present.

If you’re struggling with difficult people in your life right now, it may also be helpful to remember the following:

It’s okay to set boundaries and say no when feeling calledIt’s okay to give yourself spaceHealthy communication is an act of love and careYou’re allowed to vocalize your needs in a kind wayKnow yourself enough to know your limitsPractice discernment with your vulnerabilityYou never have to rationalize your intuitive feelings about a situation

Wishing you all the most beautiful week.

xo, Michelle

 

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5 Things to Remember When Going Through a Difficult Time

Hi my friends,

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about life, and just how little we can truly predict and control. Each new day is a gift and a blessing, and simultaneously so uncertain.

The beauty of life is that no feeling is final, no situation lasts forever, and the energy of life is constantly shifting.

Even though we can know this all to be true, sometimes, life can feel so heavy, especially when presented with deeply difficult moments.

I know that the moments at this time in life have been really hard, there’s been so much asked of us, and it can feel like there will never be another upswing. But I promise, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. Remember Newton’s Third Law of Motion, “For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.”

Sometimes, what we need is someone to remind us of this, so I felt this week would be a good time to offer you some simple things to remember when going through difficulty. I hope they are helpful for you when you’re in a time of need.

1. Remember, this, too, shall pass. Years ago, when I was going through a nasty breakup, my mom gave me a bracelet with these words inscribed on it. I wore it every day as a reminder to keep going. I share this as a reminder not for you to bypass whatever it is you are feeling right now in this moment, but to remember that no feeling is ever permanent or final. Life is fluid, ever changing, and our happy and light feelings are as fleeting as the dark ones. Difficult moments do not define you, so if you’re stuck in a particularly dense fog of difficult emotion, hold tightly to the notion that it will pass.

2. Life is not meant to be lived perfectly. I was really hung up on the fact that I had made a big mistake, and that some how this made me bad and wrong. It was my inner perfectionist coming out. Some of us hold the notion that we should always know better than to make errors. I’m that way, for sure. But it’s this kind of thinking that will throw us off kilter, every single time we go astray. As human beings, we will be wrong and we will mess up. It’s useless to beat ourselves up for the mistakes we make. Learn from your wrongdoings, alter your actions, see where you can do better, and if appropriate make amends. This is what trials are meant to do for us, show us how we can be better, not perfect.

3. Sometimes difficulty comes when we are living out of alignment. In my case, I was making choices that weren’t aligned with my values and with my intuition. I received so many gut hits to do differently, and I ignored them. Sometimes we have to have the big lessons shoved right in our faces to see that we’ve been acting out of alignment and out of character. It’s painful, but it sure is effective. Start to notice if the trouble you’re experiencing is due to being misaligned. You know your values and where your heart lies, pivot back to actions that feel right in your soul.

4. Forgiveness is incomplete if it does not include yourself. We all know that forgiveness sets us free, releases us from the binds of old hurts, and allows us to move forward in life. It’s often easier for us to forgive others than it is to forgive ourselves, for whatever reason. If you are constantly beating yourself up for mistakes or errors in judgment, this won’t erase what happened, it will just make you feel worse in the present moment. Clear your conscience of guilt and remorse, and replace it with resolve and commitment to being better. I promise you’ll feel better, stronger, and more empowered for it.

5. Asking for support is not a sign of weakness. I tend to be a pretty reserved person about my own hardship, I guess that’s the Scorpio in me. My default is to try to figure everything out in my own mind, in my own time, and not bother others with my problems. Sometimes, that works. But know that in these difficult and unprecedented times, we must lean on each other, and feel comfortable reaching out and asking for support. Feeling held by my loved ones was no doubt, the biggest silver lining of my own tough time. If you don’t feel like you have safe spaces, please reach out here and know that we are here for you.

 

xo, Michelle

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5 Biggest Life Lessons From The Past 5 Years

[image error]Hi my friends!

I was recently reflecting on this past season of my life, and all of the things I’ve learned, particularly over the course of the past five years. My mind tends to compartmentalize my life into little chapters, and as one of my self-care practices, I like to go back and honor a chapter by remembering the highs and the lows of what has passed.

I truly believe that each period of our lives has a purpose and is meant to teach us something that takes us into the next phase. Even in the most painful of moments of the past, I know that I am stronger and wiser because of it, and I know that I am more capable of handling life’s hardships with my experiences.

It brings me so much joy and fulfillment to share with you everything I have learned. I deeply appreciate the relationships that we have built here on this platform, and just like I would share with close friends and family, I feel so comfortable opening up and letting you all into my life in this way.

In my reflection, I pinpointed five of the most poignant lessons I’ve learned in this past chapter, and I added two bonus lessons for good measure :). I share this with the intention that it may be helpful for you, or if you’re going through any of these things, you may feel less alone.

Deep down, I believe that we all experience these hardships and life lessons, just in our own time, and it’s this belief that helps me feel less like an outlier. I hope you feel this, too!

Mistakes don’t have to break you, they can fortify you. I used to be so hard on myself when I made mistakes, and I’ve made a lot of them. Perhaps this stems from some internal need to be “perfect”. What set me free from this was truly knowing that we all make mistakes, there is always a lesson to be learned from a mistake, and you can take this lesson with you forever, if you let it. Mistakes don’t have to haunt you if you allow the lesson to be learned, and infuse it into your next chapter. Forgive yourself.Knowing how to communicate your needs will get you far. I used to feel so frustrated and misunderstood in my relationships, until I realized that I had to meet the people in my life halfway with good, honest communication. It can feel hard to communicate your needs or speak your truth, but just like with everything else worthwhile, it’s a practice, and it does get easier the more you do it! So much heartache and anxiety is spared for me when I communicate in an aligned, compassionate, truthful way. My relationships with others and with myself are so much better for it.So much of life’s beauty lies in simplicity. I used to think I needed to do all the things, have all the things, and be all the things. It was…a lot, and overwhelming. Over this past year, when so much was stripped away, I was finally able to see how beautiful life can be when simplified. I don’t need so much to be happy and fulfilled, I just need the right things at the right time, and trust that those things will be provided to me. Simplicity has allowed me to come back to myself and my deepest, truest desires, rather than being caught up in the external life of excess. I feel lighter, freer, and more like me this way.Not all relationships are meant to last forever. Some are only for a season, and that’s okay. I used to think there was something wrong with me every time a relationship in my life would go south. I would think it meant that I was unloveable or unworthy or that it meant I would be lonely forever. The truth is, relationships come to us for a reason and a season. I believe some people are meant to come into our lives for a short period of time to provide us with a lesson. I honor the deep, long-lasting relationships in my life, and remember that not every relationship has to be this way. Your worthiness is not attached to the longevity of your relationships.It’s okay to say no. You’re allowed to protect your peace and set boundaries. As as recovering people pleaser, this was a tough lesson to learn, but such a valuable one. Saying yes to everything and everyone can only lead to burnout, overwhelm, and ultimately, disconnection from yourself. You’re allowed to say no to the things that you don’t want to do, and it’s important to set aligned boundaries. Protecting your peace is the ultimate act of self-care.

And as promised, here are my bonus mini lessons! I couldn’t just stop at five!

Comparing yourself to others will, always steal your joy. Honor your uniqueness and your own life path. you are here for a reason.Don’t take life so seriously, do things that make you laugh, be silly, have fun. You gain so much in these joyful moments.

xo, Michelle

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2 Reminders When Learning to Forgive

Hi my friends,

I want to share some insights and thoughts that I’ve been having lately when it comes to the topic of forgiveness. This past year shined such a bright light on the practice of forgiveness for me in my own life, and reinforced for me the value and necessity of it.

We innately know that when we forgive, we release an old hurt from the past, so that it no longer harms us in the present. Generally speaking, we think of forgiveness as an act that we do to someone. We forgive a person for a wrongdoing, we forgive family for the unnecessary stress they cause, we forgive friends for disputes.

So often our forgiveness is outwardly focused, and we completely ignore the fact that it is essential that we also practice self-forgiveness. As human beings, with free will, we are going to make a wrong choice, we are going to have errors in judgment, we are going to go against our own best interest, we are going to mess up. It’s going to be painful and agonizing. Though mistakes, of course will be present, and they may cause lots of difficulty for us, we must remember that mistakes are a necessary part of life. The mistakes we make teach us, the errors provide for a course correction, and going the wrong way, shows us how good life can feel when we go the right way.

I’ve made a handful of pretty hefty mistakes in my life. I’ve gone through the feelings and emotions and consequences of my mistakes. I’ve learned and adjusted my thoughts and behaviors accordingly. Everything that I’ve gone through will be incomplete, if I don’t intend to forgive myself for my actions.

When learning to forgive, especially yourself, remember…

…your mistakes don’t define you. Your errors in judgment don’t indicate your worthiness as a person, and it’s in that awareness that you start to heal, grow, and learn from that difficulty.

…holding on with regret and remorse will never change what transpired, it only carries the pain into the present moment, where you can consciously choose differently. When you forgive yourself, you create the space to choose better, to be a better version of yourself, to use the knowledge gained for good, rather than clinging to the old version of yourself that you want to punish. When you forgive yourself you also empower yourself to be that better you, to take action to make amends, and to feel more in control of your actions, rather than at the mercy of them.

I feel pretty confident in saying that anyone reading this blog today has a desire to be the best version of themselves they can be. That intention can’t fully come to fruition if we don’t release ourselves from the agony of old wounds.

You deserve the love and forgiveness that you are so willing to share with others. You deserve to be set free from your past so that you can live a better present. I wish that for all of you.

P.S. Thomas Edison’s life story is powerful, especially if you think you’re a failure and it’s too late for you.

“I have not failed 10,000 times. I have not failed once. I have succeeded in proving that those 10,000 ways will not work. When I have eliminated the ways that will not work, I will find the way that will work.”

xo, Michelle

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Summer Reading Guide

Hi dear friends,

It’s hard to believe that we are entering into another summer season. There’s so much I love about summer, but one of the things I enjoy the most, is a good summertime read. Opening a new book gives me such a unique feeling of optimism, hope, and excitement, and reading for inspiration can serve as such a beautiful form of self-care.

This week, I want to share with you the books I’ll be diving into this summer. If you read them too, let me know! And please add your summer reading recommendations in the comments!

Happy reading, and Happy summer!

xo, Michelle

For those looking to learn and understand more of the human experience:

What Happened to You? by Bruce T. Perry and Oprah Winfrey

Maybe You Should Talk to Someone by Lori Gottlieb

Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab

For those wanting to gain inspiration from personal stories:

Strong in the Broken Places by Quentin Vennie

Live your Life: Loving and Losing Nick Cordero by Amanda and Anna Kloots

Somebody’s Daughter by Ashley C. Ford

For those looking to spark creativity:

The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron

The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown

Creative Visualization by Shakti Gawain

For those looking to revisit old favorites:

The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz

The Alchemist by Paulo Coehlo

For those wanting an escape and a smile:

There You’ll Find Me by Jenny B. Jones

That Summer by Jennifer Weiner

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3 Reminders to Overcome Indecision

Hi my dear friends,

In this moment, as I write this, I’m vividly remembering so many times in my life where I was fraught was indecisiveness. It’s actually painful to relive it all. For so much of my life, decision making felt extremely challenging, if not impossible. So much so, certain friends would joke with me that we could never make plans because we would never make decisions.

I used to think this was cute and kind of funny, until it became incredibly frustrating and often times confusing. The more I labeled myself as the go-with-the-flow, no preferences ever, indecisive person, the more I actually became it. And as much as I thought this made people around me like me more, it didn’t. Because as I learned over time, people gravitate towards people who are grounded, convicted, and sure of themselves.

For the past few years I’ve set an intention to really release my indecisive label, and begin to cultivate the awareness of what I actually do want, and how to communicate it with other people. Though it’s not always easy, and I often catch my self falling into the, “I don’t care, you decide” trap, my relationships are better, my confidence in myself feels more aligned, and I’m certainly more clear on what I want.

I think so many of us get trapped with indecision for three reasons, we want to be people pleasers, we think that other people have better insights, and we aren’t actually tuned in to our own, aligned desires.

The good news is that starting to honor yourself, who you are, and what you actually want, isn’t too far out of reach. You can start now, because in every moment of our lives, whether we are conscious of it or not, we are making decisions. And, like with everything else, this is a practice. One where the more you work it, the more it becomes second-nature. And I promise you, the more you start to make decisions, for yourself, and not based on external opinions or influences, you’ll start to feel so much more connected to yourself, confident in yourself, and assured of yourself.

I know it’s not always easy to change pattered behaviors, so here are three simple reminders in overcoming indecisiveness:

Remember that whenever you think you don’t know what you want or what to do, you actually do. In the past, when I would respond to a question with, “I don’t know”, my mom would always retort, “Well, what would the answer be if you did actually know?” Her asking me this always annoyed me because it forced me not to bypass my feelings and desires, and actually tap in. And every single time, I did actually know, and it’s because I gave myself the space and permission to unearth it. Oftentimes, you do know the answers, you just have you allow it, and accept it.

Remember that asking for other people’s opinions all the time will only continue to cloud your own clarity. For so long I was someone who would race to friends and family for advice and opinions in my life. As much as I value the insights of my loved ones, they are not the ones actually living my one, unique life. I am. So as much as they can try to give me advice, ultimately, they cannot know what’s exactly best for me because they haven’t lived my own experience. Remember, you are the only one who knows what’s truly right for you. Other people’s opinions have other people’s energies. Stay in alignment with your own truth.

Remember and trust that whatever choice you make will serve you, either with blessings or lessons. Both are valid and have meaning in life. We tend to push away big decisions for fear of making a mistake or choosing the wrong thing. It’s important to know that there is no perfect way to move through life, and the choices that you make will serve you and guide you, in one way or another. Don’t allow the fear of a choice, keep you from moving forward.

xo, Michelle

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4 Hard Truths About Relationships

Hi my friends,

Sending you all so much love on the start of a new week.

Over the past year, I’ve reflected a lot on relationships, in concept and in reality. I’ve often struggled with feeling settled and secure in my relationships, feeling like I can’t trust the people around me, and even trust myself around them, and of course, feeling afraid that I’ll be left behind by those I love.

I say all of this to highlight that there are so many feelings, insecurities, and emotions that arise from our relationships, and for one, I want you all to know that this is normal. It’s my belief that understanding relationships is a lifelong practice, and cultivating how we show up in relationships is deeply important.

For the longest time I thought that there was something wrong with me because my relationships didn’t last, or that I didn’t feel fully like myself in the ones that did, and what I know to be true is that relationships aren’t brought to us to make us feel worse, they are in our lives as opportunities to grow, learn, heal, and love.

I want to share this week some hard truths that I’ve realized in relationships, because in this awareness, I’ve found a new layer of peace and understanding in my relationships that has benefited me greatly.

It’s okay for relationships to end (even the good ones). I whole-heartedly believe that not all relationships are meant to last forever. When you can understand that human beings are constantly evolving and changing, it feels quite natural for relationships to do the same. Rather than making yourself bad or wrong because a relationship evolved into a new form, honor what was good and the love that was shared and recognize that this new space means new opportunity.You can be loved and misunderstood at the same time. Understanding this shifted everything for me. So often I felt confused by relationships where I was told that I was loved and I knew that to be true, but simultaneously I felt unseen and unheard. In this instance, I find it best to establish boundaries with this type of relationship (usually with family members), because ultimately it’s not your responsibility to force someone to see you differently and understand you in a way that is aligned for you. Know that when you show up as your authentic self, you will start to attract people who see the real you, and honor you fully for who you are.You can’t change someone who doesn’t want to change themselves. When I look back on relationships in my life, I can see the pattern of often cultivating relationships with people who I think I can “help”. Frankly, this is a toxic pattern, because none of these people asked for my help. Resentment brews from this kind of dynamic, and ultimately, we are all unique people with extremely unique circumstances, allow the people in your life to heal and grow in an aligned way, and rather than spending so much time trying to fix someone else, focus on the ways you can grow yourself.You simply have to communicate your truth and your needs, even when it’s hard and uncomfortable. I’ve found that a relationship that stumbles in communication will not last and will not feel stable. As someone who falls into people pleasing tendencies, I tend to bury my needs and my discomforts for the sake of other people’s happiness. People can feel when you are holding back, and as human beings, we often write stories in our minds when we feel like we aren’t getting the whole truth. Do yourself and the people in your life a favor, save everyone’s time, and cultivate thoughtful, honest, and open communication.

I hope this is helpful for you in your relationships, you deserve to feel loved, supported, heard, and seen, always.

xo, Michelle

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