Barbara Schmidt's Blog, page 15

5 Practices for Not Taking Things Personally

Hello my friends!

This week I wanted to share some insights I’ve been having about the topic of taking things personally.

Learning to release the need to personalize the actions of others has been a huge, lifelong journey for me. I have always been one to quickly jump into writing a story about people’s behaviors and placing myself at the center of it. This is oftentimes painful, confusing, and most often, completely out of touch with the truth of the matter.

Years ago, I read don Miguel Ruiz’s book, The Four Agreements, which impacted me deeply, particularly on this topic. He says, “Don’t take anything \personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.”

I reflect back on these words often, as they aways serve as a helpful, powerful reminder to not take things personally and that I have the power to pick myself up out of the suffering that comes along with that.

Not taking things personally is a practice, and I believe that it’s a practice that we work on throughout life. Just like with everything else though, personal growth and development is a journey, not a quick fix, and not taking things personally is certainly a part of that journey. This practice will have its ups and downs, but hold steady in knowing that it is worth the time, effort, and energy.

I will admit that not taking things personally is definitely an easier said than done sort of deal, but I am here for you to help you, and hopefully walk you through some steps you can take to start to find this relief in your relationships with others and with yourself.

1. Cultivate awareness. I believe awareness is always the most important step towards any sort of growth or change; however, in this practice it’s the most paramount. Without awareness, the mind will always go into the habitual practice of taking the actions of others, personally. It’s just how it will work. But, in recognizing that we would like to change this behavior, and reminding ourselves regularly of this intention, we can start to make that positive shift, and ultimately begin to break the habit.

2. Remember that we are all living life through our own unique filter. This one was a big one for me in my own journey. So often I would assume that other people were seeing situations or experiences exactly as I was, which, of course, is never the case. We are all unique! With different paths, beliefs, views, and experiences. It’s likely that we will never see a situation or circumstance 100% the same as someone else, so just remember this when starting to take someone else’s opinions, actions, or views personally. Others have a perception of what’s happening and so do you.

3. Strengthen your discernment muscle. It is so beneficial to our own mental health and to our relationships to be able to discern what situations require action and attention and which ones simply do not. I’d like to think of this step as a “pick your battles” suggestion, because as human beings, we could take everything personally and go to battle about every single one of those things. And we would be fighting about it all until the end of time. This is a step in learning about yourself, what matters to you, and what you wish to go to bat for. So start to take notice of what things you can let go, and what things you need to stand up for.

4. Speak your truth when necessary. From our own discernment, we can determine if a situation requires further action. Grounded in your own sense of self and confidence, you can speak up and speak out if a circumstance truly requires a conversation. Know that just because you’re not taking something personally, you can still speak up about something if it doesn’t feel aligned or appropriate for you.

5. Forgive, release, move forward. Usually when I’ve taken something too much to heart I hold a feeling of resentment or anger towards that person. For example if a friend cancels dinner plans abruptly, I may immediately take it personally thinking maybe I did something wrong for her to cancel, or maybe I might think, “Wow! Thant’s rude for her to cancel last minute.” When in reality maybe she was just having a really bad day, and needed space. The point here is that the mind immediately begins writing stories about what’s happening and we have absolutely no idea. It’s important to recognize this so that you can forgive and release those attachments to a situation that never had anything to do with you in the first place.

I hope these simple, powerful, and not always easy steps are helpful for you in your journey to not taking the actions of others personally!

Wishing you beautiful rest of your week.

xo, Michelle

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5 Affirmations for Managing Post-Pandemic Anxiety

Hi my dear friends!

I wanted to do a follow-up after last week’s blog, as I received a lot of feedback and affirmation that many of you also feel the same overwhelm entering into this new chapter of the pandemic.

I hope you find a sense of relief knowing you’re not alone in feeling this way, and remembering that these massive pivots and shifts in our lives are impactful and oftentimes, overwhelming. I also want to reiterate that we all go through life with unique perspectives and challenges. Which means, don’t compare yourself to others.

Many of you asked for some tools and affirmations to manage the overwhelm that you’re feeling during this time. As we know, the thoughts we think influence our mindset and our emotions, so I always find it beneficial to add in positive affirmations when I’m feeling particularly stressed or anxious. Remember, a positive and a negative thought cannot co-exist in our minds at the same time, and we can consciously choose one thought over the other, it just takes practice!

Our power of choice is a superpower. We can actually redirect our negative, harmful thoughts to useful, positive, helpful thoughts. We are not victims of the thoughts in the mind, we have the control to intercept the thoughts,  that in no way serve us.

Here are five affirmations that have been helpful reinforcements for me at this time. I hope they serve you, too!

1. It is safe to honor and trust my needs and desires.

2. I am confident in my choices and decisions.

3. I allow my life to unfold in perfect, divine timing.

4. All is well, I feel at peace.

5. I love my life. I hold great optimism for what is to come.

I would love to hear if you have any affirmations that have been helpful for you! Let me know in the comments!

xo, Michelle

 

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5 Tips for Managing Post-Pandemic Anxiety

Hi my sweet friends!

I want to talk about some things that have been coming up for me lately, especially as we start to move into this new chapter of the pandemic. I know that for so long (well over a year), we have been wondering and agonizing over when life will return to a sense of normalcy. So much has changed, so much time has passed, and naturally, it has impacted us on a deep level.

For much of this pandemic, the narrative has been one of yearning for that old way of life and anxiously awaiting the time where life is fully open and looks like a semblance of normalcy. What I’ve started to notice within myself, is a lingering anxiety of life going back to normal. And because this strays a bit from the “normal” narrative, my anxiety increases.

What I mean by this is, of course, I am thrilled that we are starting to have a handle on the virus and that the trauma and loss can decline. But as someone who found some silver linings in a slower paced lifestyle, the looming sense of the old fast-paced living gives me pause, as to how I, personally, want to move forward.

The silver linings, that do not in any way minimize the extreme loss and devastation of this pandemic, that I found over the past year,  have been the ability to set more aligned boundaries, to have more “me time”, to prioritize my self-care and happiness, and to not feel so much external pressure. The awareness I have of all of this, will help me greatly in this new chapter. I can incorporate what I’ve learned this past year, and bring it with me as we enter this new chapter.

And so can you!

I’ve listed five helpful reminders for you, for if and when you’re feeling a bit anxious or overwhelmed by lifestyle shifts. I hope they bring you peace, confidence, and clarity.

1. Know that you can go at your own pace. The world always keeps on turning and life moves forward, but you have the power to make choices based on your own best interest. If you’re not ready to resume some of the practices you put on pause last year, know that that is okay, and that you can take your time as you re-enter the world again.

2. Remember that your boundaries are still valid. This past year was a great teacher in the importance of boundaries, and so many of us learned deeply how to enact them and enforce them. Just because life is more “open” now, doesn’t mean that you have to abandon your own personal limits. Remember to continue to vocalize and act on your own personal boundaries, they are always valid, regardless of what’s happening in the world.

3. Release the need to compare yourself to others. I know that this is something we do in all aspects of life, but try not to walk in other people’s shoes as we move through this period of time. Just because other people are doing things or planning things, doesn’t mean that you have to, too. Remember that this is your power: to make choices that are aligned for your highest good.

4. Honor yourself and your feelings. It’s okay to have conflicting feelings during this time, you can be excited and scared and worried and overwhelmed. We’ve all been through so much, and no one will have the same experience. Try not to judge yourself for the feelings that arise, and take good care of you as you move through this moment.

5. Speak your truth and communicate clearly. What tends to bring me most of my anxiety is when I swallow my truth and avoid speaking my needs. The people in our lives aren’t mind readers, and everyone is living life through their own unique lens. If there’s something you need or don’t need, try your best to communicate it in a kind way. Respect, trust, and a sense of ease, come when we openly and honestly communicate with one another.

Sending you all so much happiness, safety, and love in this new chapter.

xo, Michelle

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5 Tips to Take Your Power Back

Hi my dear friends,

There is so much of life that can make us feel powerless or out of control. I think this is the nature and ultimately the goal of life: to understand that there is so much that we can’t control, and learn to surrender, and focus on the things that we can change. I’ve learned time and time again that the biggest source of control and intentional action comes from ourselves and managing our reactions to the things that are uncontrollable. My mom taught me at a very young that we will never be able to control or predict the things that happen to us externally, but we can always strive to manage our reactions and responses to it.

One of the biggest areas of my life, where I tend to get triggered and feel powerless is in relationships. Historically, I’m a people pleaser, I tend to go with the flow, hold back when I don’t agree with something, and put the needs and wants of others first. While I’ll always think it’s crucial to have compassion and empathy, this way of living is draining, frustrating, and ultimately makes you feel resentful….and a huge waste of life.

This past year I’ve learned a lot about myself and how I show up in my relationships. I don’t wish to be that energetic doormat or a victim to other people’s behaviors, not even when they are doing something “wrong”, but because it feels so much better to stand in my own power, truth, needs, and strength.

Often times when we realize that a power dynamic is off, in a circumstance or a relationship, it’s hard to know where to start to create balance within ourselves. Below are five practices I’ve used to help me get clarity, find peace, and know how to step into my own power. I hope these are helpful for you to.

1. Take space to get clear. Often times I feel out of my power when I’m quick to react, and ultimately do and say things that I wish I hadn’t. I always find that when I take a few moments and create space, I find clarity and a knowing of how I truly wish to proceed.

2. Write down and release what you really need to say. In relationships it can feel hard to tell people how we really feel or especially if we’ve been hurt, so we keep it all bottled up inside of us. A great way to release this, is to write a letter or journal about what you’d like to say to that person and describe how you’re feeling, with the understanding that you don’t even have to share it with them. The simple act of taking the thoughts and feelings stored inside ourselves, and giving them a new home on paper, can bring a huge relief.

3. Know your boundaries and communicate them clearly. As human beings we grow, change, and transform, and so will our desires and needs. It’s important to really know what you will and will not accept, to understand your limits, and to honor and communicate them clearly. The people in our lives aren’t mind readers, it can be extremely helpful to let them know (in a kind way), when you need to make a change.

4. Release the things that are no longer aligned. Nothing in our life stays the same. Being mindful, present, and aware to our own lives can help us know when we need to let something go for the sake of our own best interest. While change can feel scary and challenging, it often will provide us with beautiful new experiences, growth, and opportunity. Know that it’s okay to remove things in your life that are no longer aligned with who you are, to create space for the things that are.

5. Try not to obsess about outcomes and results. This of course is easier said than done, but anytime I’ve ended a relationship of any sort, it’s been easy for me to get caught up in wondering whether or not that person is sad and upset about it. The whole point of standing in, and owning your power, is taking the action that you know is necessary and moving forward with grace, ease, and certainty. Falling back into a space of wondering or even checking in on people or circumstances that you’ve released (especially on social media) just creates confusion and chaos for ourselves. When you speak up for yourself and take that aligned action, trust that you are doing the right thing, there lies your true power.

xo, Michelle

 

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11 Ways Meditation Has Changed My Life

Hi my dear friends,

It’s hard to believe, but May is just around the corner. If you didn’t know, May is Mental Health Awareness month, and so, with this in mind, I wanted to share with you some of the ways meditation and mindfulness have benefited and positively impacted my mental health.

This past year of upheaval, uncertainty, and loss undoubtedly has impacted our mental health and wellness. I think it’s safe to say we all have struggled with managing the wave of emotion that comes with a global pandemic. I do not believe that there are any quick fixes when it comes to balancing out our emotions, and moving through traumatic occurrences, but I do believe that the more positive, healthy habits we add into our lives, the better we will start to feel, even if for just one moment.

I know that meditation is a very buzzy, popular practice these days, but I think for many, it still feels elusive or hard to implement. I have been meditating daily for about eight years now, and though my practice has seen ebbs and flows, it’s an aspect of my life that I would not want to go without. Mostly, I just want to share that meditation is my daily connection with myself, a little check-in, to see how I’m doing and what I’m feeling, day-in and day-out.

I try not to be hard on myself or too rigid with my practice, I follow what feels good for me in an aligned and happy way. Some days meditation feels forced or grueling, and other days it is a welcome moment of peace. But no matter what, I find a way to do it, knowing that I will always feel better for it. Just like with brushing my teeth or taking my daily vitamins, meditation is part of my healthy, daily routine that helps me to stay balanced, stable, and calm.

In addition to all the benefits I’ve named above, I want to share these 11 tangible positive impacts meditation has had in my life:

– A stronger connection to myself and to the people around me
– More self-confidence and self-awareness
– Feeling better equipped to manage stress and anxiety
– A deeper sense of knowing and stronger sense of intuition
– Stronger feeling of guidance and living life in the flow
– Confidence to say no to people, places, and things that are not in alignment with myself and my goals
– Clarity to know what I want, and the action steps to get there
– More motivation and drive to go after what I want
– Openness and willingness to forgive and release those who have hurt me (including for myself)
– Ability to surrender and trust the unknown
– Find peace within myself, my life, and my life path

…to name a few.

If you haven’t yet incorporated this practice into your life, I’d love to gently invite you to do so this week, knowing that you can start small! Take a minute in the morning before you get out of bed to close your eyes again and just breathe. That’s all! That is meditating and it’s perfectly valid.

If you already have a meditation practice, I would love to hear your daily rituals and routines in the comments below!

Happy meditating!

xoxo, Michelle

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2 Experiences that Damaged My Body Image (and How I Bounced Back)

Hi my friends,

I want to talk about a topic that has been on my heart lately, especially as we begin to move out of this pandemic, and into a more “normal” period of life. I say this every week, but I mean it each time, this past year hasn’t been easy, and so much has changed, and so much has been challenging and traumatic. If you’re here reading these words, today, that is enough. I hope you know that, and can take that in.

There are so many mental dynamics that have risen to the surface during this time; anxiety, depression, self-doubt and uncertainty. And for many, these challenging months have effected the relationship we have with our bodies, and the confidence and acceptance we feel about ourselves.

I think it’s only a natural outcome to the year we’ve had, to be honest, but it is still painful, nonetheless.

Finding and cultivating body acceptance and love is hard. Every day we are presented with extreme beauty standards that are impossible to live up to. So this week I wanted to share some of my thoughts and experiences with my own journey to loving myself a little more, with the hope that it makes you feel less alone, empowered, and hopefully, more mindful in how we speak to each other, when talking about this topic.

I can vividly remember the moment when I first was introduced to the notion that my body, as it was in a given moment, could be considered “unacceptable.” For whatever reason, when I was in middle school, I attended a doctor’s appointment with my dad. It was a routine appointment.

While sitting in the office, the doctor, who also happened to be a family friend, attempted to awaken my dad to some of his health issues that stemmed from being overweight. The doctor informed us that if you could pinch an inch of fat on your stomach this meant that you were overweight, and that you must take measures to rectify it, if that were the case.

I felt the tone and the judgment that came along with being overweight. I felt the underlying truth that he was insinuating that it was “bad” to be this way. And as I sat there, taking in that information, I froze in panic, wondering if I fell into the category that the doctor was talking about.

When getting into the car to go home, I reached over to buckle my seatbelt, and noticed as I looked down, that I indeed had a roll of flesh, that folded over my shorts, and that fell into the category of this newly learned “one inch rule.” My heart sank, and I would never think about my body and my health the same way again.

I started to become cognizant of “it girls” and celebrities, people who I looked up to and aspired to be more like. I remember one day flipping through one of my magazines, and coming across an ad with one of the “it girls” of that time. I stared at the ad trying to figure out how I could make myself look more like her. I could do my hair like her, wear my make up like her, and then it came to how I could make my body look like hers.

In that ad I noticed so distinctly, how visible her collar bones were. I raced to the mirror, checking to see if I, too, had that same quality. I was dismayed when I realized that my collar bones, had a little extra skin, and didn’t in face show in the way that hers did. It was from that moment, that I installed the belief that if I could see my collar bones, I would be as skinny as her, and in turn I would be considered as beautiful and as acceptable as she was.

These two stories are the most impactful moments that shaped my relationship with my body, my health, my relationship with myself, my self-worth, and ultimately my ability to love myself. I had concocted completely distorted beliefs of what it meant to be healthy and beautiful, all before I could even drive a car.

Since that time, I have spent minutes and hours and days (maybe even more) of my life consumed with being thin enough and pretty enough. It would be fascinating and devastating to learn how much of my time and energy has gone towards wanting to make myself smaller. I’ve held firmly the very gross but very present belief that skinny equals good, successful, desirable, and worthy. I never believed that who I was, or how I looked was ever good enough.

I’ve probably attempted every single weight loss gimmick. I’ve gone to every workout class. I’ve read every trendy nutrition book. I’ve emanated celebrities and mentors in hopes that if it worked for them, it will work for me. I’ve battled disordered eating, binging and purging, and maneuvered my way through a chronic illness that left me feeling completely disconnected from my body.

The time and effort that I have spent in my life, trying to fit into a mold of health and beauty, truly overwhelms me. I used to think that I was very unique in these disordered and unloving thoughts about myself. I thought that there was something very wrong with me because I was wasting so much of my time and energy worrying about appearances, when I could be doing so many more productive things with my time. Over the past year, I’ve become overwhelmingly certain that every single woman has these kinds of thoughts, at least at one point or another.

Isn’t it insane to think about the fact that every woman living on this planet has entertained thoughts of self-loathing and self-hatred? I believe that every woman has felt like they aren’t enough at one time or another because their bodies don’t fit a certain societal norm. Millions of people feel unworthy and unlovable because of it all. Who hasn’t wished at some point in time that she were born into a different life and/or a different body?

It leaves me so sad and mad and frustrated thinking about this. I wonder why and how these beauty norms came to be. Who made these rules and standards? And why? What was the motive and intention? What would life be like if none of us, ever felt the pressure to be smaller or skinnier? How would life be different if we didn’t place our value on our appearance? What would our world look like if we never felt like we have the pressure to change our physical appearance, and if it was just completely status quo to be accepting of yourself?

I speak to all of this from a vantage point of a woman, because that is my experience, but I know that men experience this, too. We’ve been taught to believe that skinny is good and beautiful is valuable. We speak to it, every day, to our loved ones and those around us. We reinforce it, all the time.

How often do we catch up with a girlfriend and our first inclination is to make a comment on how skinny and subsequently, amazing she looks? How often to do we make judgments based on the fluctuations of the appearances of others? How often do we control and manipulate and ensure that photos are taken from the good angles that make us look the skinniest? How many of us have edited or photoshopped ourselves in photos to diminish aspects of our bodies that we just can’t stand the world to see?

These values and our language when it comes to body image and health are so incredibly damaging. Just this past week, I was approached by a woman. She looked at me in surprise, as if she didn’t recognize me, and blurted out, “Michelle, is that you? You’re skinny!”

Based on my reaction, which was a blank stare and a dropped jaw, she continued to explain that perhaps I couldn’t be me, maybe I was someone else, because she hadn’t remembered me looking this way. And then of course, went on to say that this was all meant to be a compliment.

We, as human beings, have to start taking responsibility for the words we use when speaking to one another regarding body and image and appearance. We have to put the onus on ourselves to right these very damaging and dangerous wrongs. We have to break these archaic patterns of what is deemed beautiful and acceptable, and see the world through a new lens.

Please, think twice before making a comment about someone else’s looks, appearance, body or health, even if you believe it to be complimentary. Women (and humans in general) are so much more than the external. There is so much more we can compliment. There is so much more we can discuss and find value in.

Please remember that you never fully know what is happening for someone else in their lives and in their own battles with self-acceptance. Had I experienced that conversation from this week, even a year ago, it would have utterly devastated me, and it would have propelled me into a dark and dangerous spiral. Please, stop comparing yourself with who you think society wants you to be and just own and love exactly who you are.

These days, at 35 years old, I intend every day to love myself, no matter what. I work every single day to untangle the messy, disgusting messages that were fed to me so many years ago. I make immense effort to be mindful of the words I use when describing myself, and others.

I place so much emphasis and intention on rewriting these lies that I’ve believed for so long, and I strive to take care of myself in a way that feels aligned and healthy for me and my journey. I’m not endlessly attempting to achieve some sort of external perfection, but rather a state where I feel comfortable, happy, and at home within myself. Where my inside feelings match my external appearance.

I believe that we are in a time and place where we can shift the way we talk about health and body, and that we can change these biases and beliefs. We as a society, don’t have to live this way, and we have the power and ability to change it.

Who wants to join me?

xo, Michelle

 

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Let’s Talk About Rage

Hi my dear friends,

I want to talk about a topic this week that has been on my mind for quite some time. Undoubtedly, this past year, and all the trials and sufferings that have gone along with it, have made us feel a wide array of emotions. Most recently, I’ve witnessed and experienced instances of rage and uncontrolled emotion, which given these times, it makes sense. The immense loss, trauma, uncertainty, and pain of the times, that we are living today, would naturally alchemize into deep suffering and untethered emotions. I fully understand that.

In all of the moments that have happened in my life, however, rage, when taken out on another human being, perpetuates rage. And trauma. And Chaos. A long, vicious cycle.

What I wish to share with you this week are some of my thoughts about rage, because I know we all feel these uncontrollable emotions from time to time, it’s simply part of life.

The truth of the matter is, there’s a lot to feel rage about. There is a lot to be uncomfortable with and to be disturbed by.

But, you do not have the right to place your rage on other people, and subsequently inflict your misplaced emotions on innocent bystanders.

As human beings, we have the right to process and feel our emotions, but not to spread unnecessary trauma and stress, by taking them out on the people around us.

Of course, people, places, and circumstances can trigger and bring up intense emotions, and that is not always our fault, but, it is crucial that we all begin to hone a sense of self-responsibility.

It’s easy to be a loose cannon, to let our feelings and emotions fly, and to erupt when triggered. But the world doesn’t need any more loose cannons. the world needs centered, cognizant resolve. Aligned actions. Stillness and space before reaction. Purposeful engagement rather than knee-jerk reaction.

Being intentional and responsible with our emotions and our actions is a lifelong practice of discipline and learning. But it is worth it when we each do our part to quell the traumatic cycle of rage-fueled interaction.

Because I don’t like to tell you all the things that I think we should avoid doing, without giving you tools on what we could be doing, here are some of the ways that I calmly and peacefully express my rage and anger:

unedited free-writing in my journalexercise and moving my body in a way that releases pent up energyyelling or screaming (by myself when no one else can hear, I recommend in a parked car)tapping into creativitysleep, rest, and relaxationtalking out my feelings with a licensed therpist or counselor

Life feels so much better when we own our thoughts, feelings, actions and emotions, it provides for a greater space of healing and harmony.

I’m sending you all a big hug and my love.

xo, Michelle

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8 Tips for Managing Anxiety

Hello my dear friends,

In this week’s blog, I hope to help you to feel less alone and realize that whatever you’re feeling during this time is completely normal. I’ll share some tools to help you cultivate a sense of mental resilience and strength from within, so you feel like you can manage anything that happens externally.

First, I believe that it’s incredibly important that we all let ourselves off the hook of getting through this pandemic perfectly. Perfect doesn’t exist in regular life, and it certainly does not exist in the messy world of coronavirus. Let yourself off the hook right now. You do not have to have it all together, but be happy, whole, and safe.

There is no right way to maneuver through a global pandemic that none of us have ever experienced. We are all going through these motions and circumstances through our very unique lenses. Release the need to compare yourself to someone else, and don’t feel like you have to be overly productive or perfect.

None of that exists and none of that matters. Remember, a global pandemic is a universal trauma, so our minds, bodies, and spirits are in a constant fight or flight mode. We are in a trauma response, so I want to remind everyone of this. This is a big deal!

Today, I will walk you through practices that will bring you into the present moment, and how we can start to find peace, power, and a sense of control, even when life feels so chaotic and uncertain on the outside.

1. Have an aligned routine in place. I believe routine and aligned structure help to relieve anxiety. Choosing how we want to structure our day and our lives allows us a feeling of control. So ask yourself, “What are some practices of ‘normal’ life that make you feel good? Getting dressed? Making coffee? Going for a walk?” Do these things, even if they aren’t necessary or essential.

2. Create a peaceful space/environment. This might be a tough one, but if you’re working from home, try to set aside a dedicated space for your work. Make it feel professional, like you would in your regular office. Decluttering can greatly reduce your sense of anxiety.

3. Establish a self-care routine. Begin to cultivate habits that help you feel good, feel better, and feel more sane. Studies have shown that practicing mindfulness for at least 1-percent of your day can drastically change the other 99-percent. Notice where you can weave in small moment of mindfulness, of being fully present, of consciously breathing, of centering with yourself.

4. Becoming aware of what your mind is saying to you. Start to get really familiar with your mind, its patterns, and the thoughts you repeatedly think. You can ask yourself:

What am I thinking moment to moment?What am I saying to myself on a daily basis?Am I quick to react in a situation, or do I pause to skillfully respond?

5. Name your feelings when you’re feeling anxious. Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor says that it takes us 90 seconds for a feeling to fully move through your body and mind. How long it stays with you after that, is up to you, and how you choose to engage with it. It’s important to be cognizant and aware of feelings that arise, and trust that with all things, all feelings will pass and are never final.

6. Check in with yourself regularly. Often times we do a great job at checking in on our loved ones, but seldom do we turn inward to check in with ourselves. Start a dialogue with yourself where you ask yourself important questions about your feelings, mental state, and mood. Think of this as creating a barometer for yourself. With this data, you can pivot and adjust accordingly to help yourself in any given day.

7. Know your trusted inner circle. It’s a huge sigh of relief when you clearly know the people that you can wholeheartedly rely on and trust (and remember that this is usually maybe one or two people). I often find that when I share too much vulnerable information with too many people who aren’t necessarily trustworthy, my anxiety spikes. Know and honor the trustworthy ones, and lean on them when you need additional support.

8. Remember you are not alone. While isolation and separation can make us feel alone, know that no matter the distance, we are all connected. Our journeys may look different and feel different, but find comfort in knowing that each of us are here on this earth at this time for a reason and for a purpose, and you’re never alone.

Sending all my love to you as we venture into this new week!

xo, Michelle

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3 Affirmations for Combating Negative Thoughts

Hi my dear friends,

In this week’s blog, I wish to share my insights on negativity, negative thoughts, and how we can start to counteract all of it to find a sense of balance, equilibrium, confidence, and inner peace. Sound good? Great!

First of all, I want to say that I use the words “negativity” and “negative thoughts” carefully and mindfully. These days, we tend to be very quick to label something as negative, especially if it’s something that makes us feel uncomfortable or anxious or unsure. To be clear, I don’t believe that to be negativity. Sometimes, it’s necessary to feel those feelings, to be present to the uncomfortable moments, and to notice when this all arises, so that we can learn what we can from it, pivot if needed, and move forward. This isn’t negativity, it’s just life.

Sometimes, especially these days, we label uncomfortable interactions with other people as negative. Again, I don’t believe that to be true. Having a difference of opinion with someone isn’t negative, setting a boundary isn’t negative, feeling stressed by someone’s actions isn’t negative, and having stern but important conversations isn’t negative.

In my opinion, and in my definition, the negativity stems from our reactions to all of what I described above. Uncomfortable moments become negative when we allow ourselves to fester without resolve, unprocessed feelings become negative when we don’t fully feel them to completion, relationships become negative when we don’t communicate and speak out when we feel stressed, flustered, or unseen and unheard. Negativity, and the resulting negative thoughts, come from our own unchecked energy and thought processes.

This year, for me, has been very challenging. On top of everything happening globally, I’ve been presented with a handful of issues that have been arduous to untangle and sort through. There have been many, many times when feelings about an unsettled situation have come into my mind, I’ve allowed it to fester, my thoughts spiraled into very unproductive and doomsday undertones, and I could witness myself experiencing heightened anxiety, stress, and depressive moments.

For me, one of the best ways to start to come out of those negative holes is to simply change the script of the thoughts in my mind. I do not allow my mind to run away with story telling and worst case scenario thinking, I know that it will make me feel infinitely worse. Instead, I fill that void with the opposite, the affirmation of the things I’d like to see, what I’d wish to create, the energy I’d like to feel. I heavily rely on the repetition of positive affirmations.

Affirmation repetition isn’t new for me here in this blog, but I felt it was important to share this aspect of the practice, as I know many of us are really feeling the challenge of these times.

I know there’s much that we cannot control, but let’s focus on what we can. We can be mindful of the information and content that we take in every day (news, social media, books/literature). We can set boundaries with people and circumstances that deplete us of our energy and make us feel worse. And, we can cultivate an awareness of the patterns of the mind, and be quick to stop those unhealthy thought processes that lead to negative and unproductive thinking.

These are some of my favorite go-to affirmations to quell my negative thinking:

When I feel down and dejected and like nothing is going right, I pivot my mind to: “Life excites me.”

When faced with uncertainty and confusion, I love leaning on “I trust the timing of my life.”

And when I feel scared and lonely, “I feel safe and supported.”

As I’ve said in the past, affirmations aren’t meant to bypass reality and the feelings that you may be feeling, but rather, to intercept that rabbit-hole thinking. I encourage you to come up with a few back-pocket affirmations that resonate with you that you can rely on, instantly, when needed.

I’d love to hear which affirmations have been working for you these days, let me know in the comments below!

xo, Michelle

The post 3 Affirmations for Combating Negative Thoughts appeared first on Peaceful Mind Peaceful Life.

5 Ways to Make Reading for Inspiration a Part of Your Life

Hi my dear friends,

I spent this past weekend reflecting on my favorite books. The books that inspire and nourish me to be the greatest version of my truest Self. The books that I read for inspiration educate and encourage me to walk my path with confidence, integrity, and resilience.

One of our main missions of Peaceful Mind Peaceful Life is to give simple tools for every day living to find inner peace, success, and happier lives. Every week, in every blog, I strive to pass along little tidbits for you to take into your lives, and incorporate them as you wish.

One practice that I have found so meaningful and helpful for me on my spiritual path is reading for inspiration. There is something very magical about reading inspirational words from people striving to lead their best lives possible, leading by example.

Whenever I feel disheartened, stuck, or overwhelmed, I will pick up a truly inspired book, and it brings me back to my confident, happy, motivated place. My thoughts come back in alignment with my truest Self, and I feel more confident and trusting of life and myself.

What’s so nice about this type of reading is you get to decide what you want to read. It’s personal and something that you can do in your own time, and in your own way. Sound good? Great!

Let’s get started and get inspired!

1. Make a list of topics or ideas that are of interest to you. Whether you want to dive more into meditation or maybe learn about the power of your thoughts, find subject matter that stimulates your mind and makes you want to learn more. When you are truly invested and interested in something, you will be more motivated in reading and gathering more knowledge.

2. Do some research; explore your options. Go on the Internet, talk to your friends, read online reviews about books that are of interest to you.

3. Find authors whose messages resonate with you. Life is all about trial and error and finding a good inspirational book is no exception. Often when the title, or the first line of a book speaks straight to your heart, you’ve more than likely found a book for you!

4. Be prepared and keep a good stock of books to have with you at all times. Having an awesome library of books waiting to be read makes this tool so much easier. When something is right in front of you, you tend to use it more. Especially when you are in crisis it helps to have this “friend” there to the rescue.

5. Make your books your travel companions; carry them along with you as you go. I always like to have some sort of inspirational book with me when I travel. Whether commuting on a train or flying someplace new, reading always helps me feel at ease.

Does reading for inspiration interest you?  Do you feel like it could benefit your day-to-day life? Are there certain books or authors you are interested in reading? Let us know!

We have a fun gift for you! (I love coloring and I hope you do too!)

Wishing you the most beautiful week.

xo, Michelle

Click here for three free reading for inspiration printable worksheets that you can use to keep track of your reading this year. One is blank for you to write in the titles of books as you complete them, the second one has a list of some of our favorite books for you to color each one in after you read it, and the third is an example that we colored in for you. Click here to download and print them!

The post 5 Ways to Make Reading for Inspiration a Part of Your Life appeared first on Peaceful Mind Peaceful Life.