Barbara Schmidt's Blog, page 19

The Life Changing Practice of Surrender

Hi my sweet friends!

This week I want to share some thoughts I have with you about the practice of surrender. As much as we may wish otherwise, life is completely unpredictable and uncontrollable, and I know this year has proven this to be completely true. As the days and weeks and months continue to pass, and as we continue to live in incredible uncertainty, it’s important to remember that even though this year feels extraordinarily out of control, there might be a ounce of comfort in knowing that there was never any control anyway.

Which brings me to the concept of surrender. In my life personally, this year has brought up a handful of challenging situations that made me want to control every single aspect, hoping to influence the outcome. It made me anxious with worry, and my mind continued to spin contemplating what actions I could take to get what I wanted. As we all know, plotting and spinning and manipulating a situation rarely brings us what we desire, and subsequently makes us feel even worse in the process. Every single time I tried my hardest to control a circumstance, I was presented with a roadblock, a dead end, a state of non-resolution.

All of these moments for me personally, reminded me of the importance, and the grace that comes from active, conscious surrender. The practice of surrender means releasing the need to control, taking whatever aligned actions are called for in the moment, and allowing situations to unfold in the timing and in the manner needed. I call it a practice, because in order to do this, with grace, it requires such. It’s not easy for us to let go of the reigns, to trust, to allow, and to breathe through the uncomfortable moments of uncertainty. But when we do, when we allow and trust and hold onto a steady stream of faith, we create the space for the most miracles and unfathomable outcomes. In doing so, we give our hearts and our minds a much needed break, and we allow the energy of the external forces that be, to do the work for us.

When I finally released the need to control the situations in my life, the situations began to unfold in the very best way. Outcomes that I couldn’t have even imagined were presented to me, and I didn’t have to manipulate or force to achieve it. And sometimes, life just takes time and space to unfold fully, and who are we to rush the timing of life?

I hope this serves as a gentle reminder that you don’t have to do it all, figure it all out, and make things happen, life will meet you half way. Released your tight grip of control and open your mind and heart to the possibilities and outcomes that can arise when we create the necessary space for it.

So I ask you, where in your life can you start to practice surrender?

xo,

Michelle

The post The Life Changing Practice of Surrender appeared first on Peaceful Mind Peaceful Life.

A Reminder of Your Worthiness

Hi my dear friends,

I hope that whatever this week has brought you, you can find some happiness and relief here today! This week I want to dive in to the topic of worthiness, it’s something that I’ve been thinking about and dissecting a lot in my life personally, and as we all know, when I learn things, I must share with you, too.

It is my hope that this blog today can serve as a little loving reminder that despite everything that is happening in the world, you are worthy of your hopes, dreams, goals and wishes. There is nothing that you have to do, say, or accomplish to be and feel worthy; you just simply are.

That sentence may have felt hard to believe or even imagine being true in a “normal” period of time, let alone global upheaval, but I promise you, it’s true. Of course, life has not gone the way any of us had planned over the past seven months, we’ve all had to make major life changes, adjust to devastating new normals, and try to find a sense of balance, stability, and meaning in a time that feels anything but. With all of this being painfully true, your worthiness lies intact, and I hope when you read that, you could take that in, and feel it in your bones as truth.

I used to think that worthiness was a prize doled out to the ones who did the most good, or who were the most perfect, the real high achievers. I used to act from a belief that if I could be as perfect as possible, I would then be worthy of my desires, and then all the good things would come to me. This mindset had me going round and round for years, like a hamster on a wheel. Do good, expect good; do bad, expect bad. It’s an exhausting and truthfully, manipulative way to live life.

Events from this past year, in my personal life, brought these beliefs to the surface for me and forced me to reconcile them. I made some pretty large errors in judgment that caused me uncomfortable consequences. Operating from my cause and effect mindset, I agonized over the belief that because I had made mistakes, meant that I was somehow, lesser of a person, and therefore less deserving of good things in life. Believing that you are undeserving of life and your goals and dreams, is a very grim way to live life. And I felt that deeply.

Rather than continuing to operate from this limiting mindset, I decided that enough was enough. I started to open up to the possibility that being worthy has nothing to do with the things that happen in life, but rather an unwavering quality that lives within us all, no matter what.

There is nothing that you have to do or achieve or accomplish to be worthy. It is your birthright to feel worthy in every moment of your life, and ultimately have the life of your dreams, but it is also your responsibility to uncover and break down the barriers and beliefs you have put in place blocking it.

Can you take in and fully own the fact that you are worthy, despite any misfortunes, mistakes, and bumps in your path? You are worthy regardless of anything and anyone else. Release the need to compare, to judge, and to worry, and start mustering up that confident energy of unwavering worthiness.

We are all here, living in this moment for a reason. We are all worthy, all the time. Please remember that.

xo, Michelle

The post A Reminder of Your Worthiness appeared first on Peaceful Mind Peaceful Life.

10 Affirmations to Manage Uncertainty

Hello my dear friends,

Happy Sunday once again!

I feel it deeply in my soul, how difficult these times are for all of us. Everything that we know to be solid and stable, is upside down, and it’s hard to manage.

One of the biggest issues I’ve faced during this time is the uncertainty of it all, and how to manage my thoughts and emotions as they come, minute by minute. We all know that we can never control the external world, how life unfolds, and the timing in which it all happens, but our power lies in knowing that we can choose what thoughts we allow to occupy space in the mind and our actions to it all.

These past few months, I’ve faced some difficult, personal uncertainty. The not knowing, in every aspect of the word, felt impossible to manage. We all have these personal uncertainties, compounded with the problems of the collective, and it feels like there’s no way to manage it all.

What I wish to share with you this week is how we can start to break it down, take this life one moment at a time, and transform our thoughts to help us find a sense of stability in such an erratic time.

The practice of reciting positive affirmations isn’t new here, but I felt it important to impart some of the powerful phrases I’ve been using in my life at this time in hopes of helping you. Whenever I feel anxious, unsure, or confused, I repeat these phrases, when they feel aligned, and they help me to rise out of a negative hole, rather than spiral down.

A small note here on these affirmations though, I know as you read them, they might feel out of reach or impossible. You might read “all is well in this moment” and think to yourself, well that’s simply just not true. I find it helpful to think of these affirmations as guidelines for what we would like to see as reality. They help our minds to feel and visualize what we want and that it’s actually possible. They also help to avoid perpetuating any negative and unproductive stories we tell ourselves.

Remember our anxiety comes from thinking about the past, mostly with regret, and worrying about what will happen tomorrow, or dwelling in the future. So when I say to myself “all is well” even when it doesn’t really fully feel like it, I’m empowering myself to stop, breathe, and think about the actions I can take in the present to make the situation better.

I hope this is helpful and makes sense! Try these affirmations out this week, or create some that feel fully aligned for you during this time.

1. All is well in this present moment

2. I am worthy of my dreams and desires

3. I am strong, resilient and powerful

4. I trust the timing of my life

5. Everything I need is within me

6. I prioritize my self-care and healing

7. I love my life and my life loves me

8. I am the most powerful when I am present

9. In silence I find clarity

10. I am optimistic for what the future holds

Sending you lots of love and support.

Xo, Michelle

The post 10 Affirmations to Manage Uncertainty appeared first on Peaceful Mind Peaceful Life.

10 Tips for Effective Communication

Hi my sweet friends! Sending you the biggest Sunday hug!

I want to talk about communication today, and why I think many, many of our problems could be mitigated or lessened if we mastered it in an aligned way.

The other day I was catching up with a friend, who was telling a story about how she felt a bit frantic about the uncertainty of our lives. She specifically was upset about the lack of communication in her work, as far as scheduling, working from home, and the fear of staying employed. We chatted about it all and I completely resonated and empathized with everything she was saying, and I know so many of us are going through very similar emotions. The one thing that stuck out to me in a major way, was just how big the communication piece was for her in this very difficult time. Her employer was not communicating with her at all, which caused her to write her own stories, and stew in her own anxiety, with no answers or clarity.

As we know life can feel difficult and confusing, but with the intention to communicate clearly, regularly, and with aligned intention, we can start to feel a deeper sense of power, purpose, and certainty.

From my own personal life experience, I notice a world of difference within myself when I practice mindful communicating skills. So often our issues stem from small miscommunications that grow to be major life problems, and I think it’s empowering to know that we can set the intention to communicate better, clearer and in a kind way, we can start to feel more at peace and in control of the lives we lead.

I’ve pieced together 10 helpful tips to remember when seeking to be a better communicator. I rely on these on a regular basis, and I hope they can come in handy for you, too!

Know who you are and what you want:  If you’re unclear from the inside out, the outside probably won’t ever feel truly aligned! When faced with any sort of interaction, it’s crucial to have a solid understanding of who you are, and what your true desires are. Clarity is a key component of communication.
Say what you mean, and don’t play games:  Too often we are afraid to say what we actually mean, for fear of negative retribution, but when we aren’t 100% clear with our words, things go haywire anyways. It’s always best to say what you mean, and avoid word gimmicks that try to manipulate a person or a situation.
Be intentional with your words:  How many times have you said something without thinking and immediately regretted it. Our words our powerful, and it’s really easy for things come out of our mouths without fully thinking of what they mean and what they represent. Try to be aware and mindful of what you’re saying, the words you’re using, and the intention behind them. You’ll feel must more in control of your conversations when you know fully that you always mean what you say.
Be present in every interaction: So much miscommunication comes from not being present to our own interactions. There have been countless times that I’ve gotten myself into a hairy situation or argument because I wasn’t fully paying attention to an important conversation, and missed a needed detail. Being present not only saves you time, it lets the other person or group of people know that you care and that you value the time spent in dialogue. Your relationships with colleagues and loved ones will begin to flourish when you provide your presence.
Take responsibility: Being responsible for proper communication has been a big one for me personally. There have been many times when I have sensed that a person I’m in conversation with, and I,  are not actually on the same page, and we begin talking without addressing the confusion, hoping it might simply, magically, sort itself out. Waiting for someone else to clarify a situation is pretty frustrating and time consuming. If you sense that thoughts and words aren’t clear, take it upon yourself to reach out, speak up, in whatever form of communication needed, to clear the air, and set up a solid foundation for that communication and relationship to flourish.
Ask questions:  There’s a meme on social media of a person who, in conversation, asks “what?” so many times before finally giving up and not ever getting the answer to the question. I tend to be that person, but the truth is, asking questions brings clarity. If there are pieces of your conversational puzzle that don’t make sense, it’s on you to ask for more detail and clarity! You are not wrong, and you are not an inconvenience when you ask for more information in any circumstance.
It’s okay to be vulnerable: We are all human beings, with thoughts, feelings, emotions, and sensitivities. Think about this when communicating with someone else. When we enter a situation with armor and an ironclad wall around us, we get that type of communication in return. Breaking down barriers, by being vulnerable is a wonderful way to connect with someone, and often times, will bring about a deeper, more meaningful relationship.
Tell the truth: It has become increasingly more clear to me how much I really dislike lying: any version of it. So when I sense someone isn’t telling the full truth, or is pitching a half-truth, or is straight up telling no version of the truth, I shut down. I can’t take it. Telling the truth, even when it’s hard, is a sign of respect. The truth might not always be an easy pill to swallow, but I guarantee it is always worthwhile.
Know that sometimes it’s time to be silent and listen: In many cases, interactions require silence, where we can step back, contemplate, marinate, and then speak again. There have been so many times in my life where I wish I had taken moments of silence to collect myself, rather than spewing out the first words that came to mind. Sometimes the quiet moments can feel unnerving and uncomfortable, in practice, we can start to value those in-between moments, knowing that in that stillness we can find the answers and the space in order to feel clarity in speaking again.
Take space: In any circumstance, it is always okay to take space from a situation to collect yourself, get clear on what you want to say, and come back in a calm and composed way. I find that whenever I allow myself the space to sit, breathe, and understand, the outcomes of the situation always feel more resolved and aligned.

I hope these powerful reminders help you in life and in your communications! Remember, we are all approaching situations with our own unique circumstances and life experiences, so we will never fully see a situation with the same set of eyes, but I believe if we start to incorporate some of these tactics into our every day lives, we will see the benefits of understanding, patience, and kindness.

xo, Michelle

The post 10 Tips for Effective Communication appeared first on Peaceful Mind Peaceful Life.

What it means to love yourself

My dear friends,

This year, but particularly, the past few months, have been completely life-changing. I know we all know this, but I just want you to remember that nothing that has happened so far this year has been normal nor precedented, so before we get into today’s topic of self-love, I just want you to remember this truth as you maneuver through your days of 2020.

So much has been turned upside down, and our daily lives feel completely unpredictable and unstable. No matter who you are or where you live, life is different. Our routines are different. Our mindsets are different. Our reality is completely different.

Life is just different, and so our relationships, particularly the relationship we have with ourselves will transform as well.

While these months have certainly been uncomfortable and oftentimes anxiety ridden, I’ve also felt that they’ve provided time and space for deep personal reflection. We are home more, we are social less, there is a quiet and a stillness that has been infused into our lives like never before.

We all know that I am the biggest proponent of personal connection and using mindfulness tools to establish a strong foundation within our selves. I believe that this time in our lives personally, and collectively, is a perfect opportunity to strengthen that connection and really start to understand what it means to love ourselves and to really take care of ourselves.

I’ve written on self-love and self-care and the preconceived notions that tend to miss the mark on what it all actually entails. We tend to see posts on social media of spa days and trips with friends with the hashtag #selfcare. But what does self-care really look like when these external factors are removed and we are truly left with ourselves? How can we love for and take care of ourselves and our needs without searching externally for comfort?

The silver lining of this incredibly difficult time, for me personally, has been the extra time I’ve been able to dedicate to really connecting with myself. I’m alone a lot, so I’ve had the opportunity to check in with myself and my intuition, make aligned choices with who I am and what I want, meditate, journal, cook, organize, clear out clutter, and just be in that space of love in action that makes me feel good, all during a time that has made us all feel so bad.

I want to say that, I know the concept of loving yourself and caring for yourself is hard. We really aren’t taught to do it, and we have ingrained in our minds that it’s selfish to do so. I say this to remind you that this is a lifelong journey and a process, but a worthy one. The journey to self-love is step by step, day by day, making choices and changes that honor who you are and what you want, rather than being influenced externally. The process to self-love is a strengthening of that muscle inside you that reminds you that you are always enough and worthy, and you don’t have to do anything to be that way. The practice of self-care encourages you to choose things that align with your highest good, your goals, your desires, and how you want to feel, instead what you think other people think you should want and do.

Loving yourself is the practice of coming home, every day, honoring the person you are in this moment, and holding the hope that in each new day you find an extra sense of comfort, peace, and joy in it.

Because self-love and self-care can be hard to grasp on to, and as I said before, we aren’t taught this, I’ve provided some questions that you can contemplate, and apply to your life as you see fit. Sit with them, see what answers come to you, and notice how you feel when you start to apply the answers into your life.

Remember, no matter what, you are loved, you are worthy, and you are needed in this world.

How can you honor who you are in this moment?

How can you trust your deepest desires?

What beliefs do you need to release to remember that you are already worthy?

How can you set loving boundaries to protect your energy?

How can you communicate for your needs to be met?

How can you make aligned choices?

How can you release fears that are keeping you from going after your desires in life?

What, in this moment, is the most loving action for me to take?

I encourage you to spend some time ruminating in these questions, and seeing how it feels to make yourself your own priority. Remember, you’re always worth it.

xo, Michelle

The post What it means to love yourself appeared first on Peaceful Mind Peaceful Life.

What to Remember When Practicing Forgiveness

Hello my sweet friends,

I want to share some insights and thoughts that I’ve been having lately when it comes to the topic of forgiveness. These past few months have really shined a bright light on the practice of forgiveness for me in my own life, and really reinforced for me the value and necessity of it. We innately know that when we forgive, we release an old hurt from that past, so that it can no longer harm us in the present. Generally speaking, we think of forgiveness as an act that we do to someone. We forgive a person for a wrongdoing, we forgive family for the unnecessary stress they cause, we forgive friends for disputes.

So often our forgiveness is so outwardly focused, and we completely ignore the fact that it is essential that we also practice self-forgiveness. As human beings with free will, we are going to make a wrong choice, we are going to have errors in judgment, we are going to go against our own best interest, we’re going to mess up. It’s going to be painful and agonizing. Though mistakes may be present so much difficulty fo us, we must remember that mistakes are a necessary part of life. The mistakes we make teach us, the errors provide for a course correction, and going the wrong way shows us how good life can feel when we go the right way.

I’ve made a handful of pretty hefty mistakes in 2020. I’ve gone through the feelings and emotions and consequences of my mistakes. I’ve learned and adjusted my thoughts and behaviors accordingly. Everything that I’ve gone through will be incomplete if I also don’t intend to forgive myself for my actions.

I have to constantly remind myself that my mistakes don’t define me, and that my errors in judgment don’t indicate my worthiness as a person, and it’s in that awareness that I start to heal, grow, and learn from that difficulty.

Holding on with regret and remorse will never change what transpired, it only carries the pain into the present moment, where you can consciously choose differently. When you forgive yourself, you create the space to choose better, to be a better version of yourself, to use the knowledge gained for good, rather than clinging to the old version of yourself that you want to punish. When you forgive yourself you also empower yourself to be that better you, to take action to make amends, and to feel more in control of your actions, rather than at the mercy of them.

I feel pretty confident in saying that anyone reading this blog today has a desire to be the best version of themselves they can be. That intention can’t fully come to fruition if we don’t release ourselves from the agony of old wounds.

You deserve the love and forgiveness that you are so willing to share with others. You deserve to be set free from your past so that you can live a better present. I wish that for all of you.

xo,

Michelle

The post What to Remember When Practicing Forgiveness appeared first on Peaceful Mind Peaceful Life.

Not All Who Are Alone Are Lonely

Hello dear friends,

I’m so happy to be back with you again this week. I want to share my thoughts with you on a topic that I believe is timely and relevant in these intense moments we are living in. Many of us have been emotionally and physically processing this global pandemic, and in so many unique ways. No matter who we are or where we live, the necessary boundaries enacted to keep us all healthy and safe has led us to feel quite isolated and often times lonely.

I’ve written about solitude and how I learned to be alone in past blogs, however, I know that for many this forced pause and isolation has felt jarring, uncomfortable, and anxiety producing. Human beings are wired for connection, and we are so used to being with people, hugging people, and engaging with people in a meaningful way, that when that connection is broken, it leaves us with a void that we must consciously work to heal and fill.

I’d like to share this week my thoughts on loneliness vs. being alone and how we can differentiate the two feelings, and take aligned action in response to both.

First of all, I do not believe being alone is a bad or weird thing, I actually think moments of solitude are important. I’ve long felt that our societal pressures lead us to believe that that there’s something wrong with you if you’re alone, and in truth, it’s very necessary to know how to be in your own company, comfortably. I recognize that we are all unique in our personalities, introverts might find this quite easy, and more extroverted people may struggle. The baseline of my belief here is that there is necessity in creating a solid foundation within ourselves so that we can start to know ourselves, like ourselves, understand ourselves, and when necessary, be with ourselves without interruption or distraction.

I believe that this looks differently for all of us, as we all have unique life paths, but as life has so blatantly altered our collective realities, this is the perfect time to analyze and reflect on our own inner foundations, and how we can strengthen them. Rather than framing alone time as something to be ashamed of, I encourage you to look at it as something to be empowered by. When you are alone you aren’t distracted, you’re simply with you. When you are alone you can sit with your thoughts and feelings, uncomfortable as they may be, but just beyond that uncomfortableness is a deep knowing, an understanding, and a  sense of self-compassion. When we are alone we can begin to clearly see where we can heal and where we need to be more loving and gentle with ourselves.

Loneliness, on the other hand, is a craving for authentic, aligned connection, and you don’t actually have to be alone to feel lonely. I’ve felt incredibly lonely even when surrounded by a crowd of people, and so, I define loneliness as a feeling of disconnect within myself and from those around me. I take my loneliness as a sign that I need to actually sit in solitude to bring to the surface that cause of this feeling. There are so many instances and circumstances and social settings that can make us feel lonely and out of place, and I believe that when this feeling arises, it is an opportunity for healing within ourselves. I used to see my loneliness as a sign of unworthiness, as an indicator that I wasn’t enough, and that I didn’t deserve to feel not lonely. I started to work through this belief when I prioritized and created that solid foundation within myself that I mentioned above.

If you’re feeling lonely during these difficult and unprecedented times, I hope you can take heart in knowing that you’re not alone in these feelings. I hope you can muster a sense of empowerment by using these feelings to strengthen the bond that you have with yourself, and the inner knowing of your needs and desires. I hope that when you’re alone, you know that it doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with you, and over time you grow to enjoy the solitude and friendship that comes from cultivating this relationship with yourself.

Know that you are worth this deep comfort and relief.

xo, Michelle

 

 

The post Not All Who Are Alone Are Lonely appeared first on Peaceful Mind Peaceful Life.

5 Reminders for Stressful Times

Hello my friends,

I want to start this week, by saying that I know these times that we live in are stressful, uncertain, and anxiety ridden. If possible, we can find comfort in this, knowing that we are all living through this together. Stress and anxiety are a part of life, whether it’s facing a pandemic or systemic injustices, or even enduring our own personal experiences, the truth is that life has moments of extreme stress and worry.

Today I would like to share some of my remedies for stressful moments, with the intention of helping to guide you through this moment in time, but also equipping you with these tools so that you can rely on them whenever life presents a challenge or difficulty, and we know it surely will.

We all need these reminders, and personally, I really appreciate when a loved one or a mentor gives me a little nudge like this that helps to lift my spirits. There is a huge source of strength that comes when we all reach out to one another to check in, to offer support, and to be an ear when times get tough.

I encourage you to take in these simple reminders, knowing that you are strong, capable, and worthy of a life that has the happiest of moments even when you’re feeling sad, and that we can find a true sense of strength when we cultivate it from within.

Remember…

…feelings aren’t final. It’s easy to believe that we will always feel a certain way. The truth is that no feeling is permanent, life is fluid, and in time the heaviness will lift. Feelings pass, emotions fade, circumstances shift, and things change. This stressful moment will pass. Give yourself a sense of relief in knowing this.

…to notice negative thought patterns. Sometimes we add stress to situations simply by letting our thoughts have their way with us. Have you ever noticed a situation that wasn’t really that bad, until you allowed your mind to write wild, crazy, and stressful stories about it? Our minds are powerful, they can truly influence our daily experiences. Take control back, by simply taking an inventory of your mind, and know where you can make positive adjustments. Meditating daily helps immensely. Reciting positive affirmations creates shifts. Journaling can help clear stagnant thoughts. Write yourself loving reminders. Do whatever is necessary to keep your thoughts in check, This is helpful, I promise!

… you can stop, and start again. Sometimes when we are stressed It’s  because we have taken on too much, we are carrying way too many burdens, and we are all go, and no stop. Allow this to serve as your permission to stop, to take breaks, to be still. There is healing and beauty in the pause. Life will continue to be ok, when you take these powerful moments to regroup. The situations and circumstances that await your attention will still be there, however, you will approach them with greater patience, confidence, and ease when you stop, recollect, and center yourself before proceeding. Remember, there is power in the pause.

…that you’re allowed to say no. Sometimes stress unfolds when we are overcommitted and trying too hard to please others, rather than taking care of ourselves. Part of managing stressful times is to instill aligned boundaries that will help you to take care of yourself in mind, body and spirit. Knowing when to say no, and remembering that you are allowed to say no, can bring a huge relief into our daily lives. Start to notice people, places and circumstances that constantly take you out of alignment and make you feel drained. That’s a great first clue on where you can lean back and say no in a kind, but strong way.

…you can help yourself by helping others. Often when we feel overwhelmed we start to believe that there is nothing that can be done to shift a situation. One of the greatest ways to get out of this cycle of defeat is to consciously serve someone else. There is beautiful energy that takes place when we care for someone else. We are a global community, we all feel and desire to love and be loved. When you take the action to allow someone else to feel that love, love will come back to you.

I don’t know about you, but I feel relief already just knowing that there are simple, effective tools for managing stressful times at our fingertips. It just requires the awareness and the dedication to see things differently and to act accordingly. I would love to hear your stress management tips. Let’s keep the conversation going in the comments below!

xo, Michelle

The post 5 Reminders for Stressful Times appeared first on Peaceful Mind Peaceful Life.

Why Boundaries Are Important

Hi dear friends,

This week I want to talk some more about boundaries, and why I feel they are so important, especially in the difficult times we are living in today.  Often when we think of boundaries, we think of how to keep what we don’t want, out. I hope to encourage you to reframe this definition and look at boundaries as a way to protect the good, and honor what’s sacred.

In short, setting boundaries is the ultimate act of self-care.

A few months ago I was asked to do something that I really didn’t want to do. My intuition said no, my heart pulled back, and deep down I knew that saying no was in my best interest and highest good. I have a history of being a people pleaser and a pushover, and so, despite all my internal warnings, I said yes.

There’s a large part of me who doesn’t like to disappoint and wants to be “liked”. Saying yes when I should have said no left me feeling stressed, anxious, angry, frustrated, out of alignment, distracted, whiny, negative, and out of sorts (amongst many other uncomfortable feelings).

Does this resonate with any of you, too?

I think many of us inflict upon ourselves this stress and anxiety because we think we have to, in order to be liked, accepted, welcomed, or included. The truth is, being a people pleaser and a pushover doesn’t really do anyone any good. People don’t really like you more this way, and ultimately you hurt yourself each and every time you participate in this habit.

Luckily, we can break the habit of people pleasing by cultivating one simple practice into our lives: setting boundaries.

I’ve resisted the idea of setting boundaries for a long, long time, because of my own need to be liked as I stated earlier. In my mind, I believed that the boundaries would scare people away, shut people out, and make me feel more alone.

It’s simply not true.

Boundaries are a form of empowerment, strength, and a way for us to align with our identity, our desires, and where we stand in the world. When you don’t have boundaries, you are sending out a signal that you don’t know what you want, that you’ll take whatever you can get, and that you won’t put up a fight along the way.

When you don’t have boundaries, you feel like you are constantly living in a “doormat” mentality. Setting boundaries is a form of self-respect and self-love. By respecting yourself enough to set the necessary boundaries in your life, you’ll discover a unique sense of freedom and peace of mind.

Right after that situation I mentioned above, I made a promise to myself to get in touch with my boundaries and practice enforcing them. The relief I felt was immediate.

If you are looking to start establishing more healthy boundaries in your life, here are a few helpful tips for you:

Remember that boundary setting is an act of self-care and preservation
You don’t have to betray yourself to be likable and worthy of love
When you know what you want, you’ll know when places and situations aren’t aligned
Know that it’s okay to say no without an explanation
Hold close the people in your life who respect you and your boundaries, they are your inner circle

Thank you so much for being here another week, sending you all so much love!

xo, Michelle

 

The post Why Boundaries Are Important appeared first on Peaceful Mind Peaceful Life.

The Power of Listening

The post The Power of Listening appeared first on Peaceful Mind Peaceful Life.