Debmita Dutta's Blog, page 26

3 things that do not work during tantrums

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3 things that do not work during tantrums

1. Shouting at your child to behave properly
2. Explaining with a logical reason
3. Punishing your child

When your child is in the middle of a tantrum – their THINKING BRAIN has gone OFFLINE

And they are now only functioning with their EMOTIONAL BRAIN

When you SHOUT at them their tantrum gets worse because in addition to UNHAPPY – they are now also SCARED

There is no point EXPLAINING with a LOGICAL REASON either. With the thinking brain offline – they cannot understand explanations and logic

And PUNISHING is completely useless too. Because with the thinking brain offline your child cannot connect what they are doing to the punishment they are getting. So they don’t even know what the punishment is for.

What should you do then?

1. Bend down and come to their eye level so that you don’t look big and scary
2. Speak softly and soothingly 
3. Say you understand why they are upset. And express regret that nothing can be done about it.
4. Ask if they want to be comforted with a hug.

This is the most effective strategy because it is a neuroscience-based strategy

Type OKAY and try it the next time your child throws a tantrum.

Share this with those who SHOUT / EXPLAIN / PUNISH your child and then say they are STUBBORN 

Follow me to learn PARENTING with NEUROSCIENCE.

​Is your child struggling with post vacation school anxiety?

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​Is your child struggling with post vacation school anxiety?

Are you seeing your child moving around with an upset face as the school reopening day comes closer?

Then do these 5 things to reduce their anxiety.

Take action today.... 

1. Start spending a lot of quiet time with your child
Vacations are often hectic and so full of fun that your child may not have had any quiet time with you. 
When you spend time doing nothing with them, they will start sharing what is worrying them with you. 
It could be that they have an incomplete project. It could be that they are worried about the class bully.
Do what you can to help your child to feel more confident.

2. Reduce device use
When rules and schedules were relaxed during vacations, device time may have increased for your child.
Devices increase anxiety.
Devices also reduce connection time resulting in more anxiety.
Spend time setting up their uniforms and books so that they can stay connected with you and slowly get used to the idea of school.

3. Start moving bed time earlier and earlier so that your child gets enough sleep
During the vacations – bedtime may have become lax and resulted in fewer hours of sleep.
Lack of sleep causes anxiety.
Ensure that your child gets enough sleep.

4. Change the family diet and move towards healthier foods
Vacations are the time to be indulgent and children often eat more junk food during the vacations.
Junk food increases anxiety and reduces resilience and energy.
Bring back high fiber, protein rich foods. Focus on fermented foods to get the happy hormones flowing

5. Plan some physical activity that your child enjoys doing 
Sitting in one place increases an
Moving the body is a great way to bring in the neurotransmitters of happiness and reduce anxiety.

It is difficult to go back to school after the vacation
Don’t ignore or invalidate the anxiety.
Take action.

Type BACK and have a great time going back to school.

Share this so that it reaches many other parents.

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#parenting #anxiety #backtoschool #summervacation

Do you feel like a BAD MOTHER sometimes?

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Do you feel like a BAD MOTHER sometimes?
NO!!
You are NOT a BAD MOTHER.

If you feel like a bad mother when your BABY CRIES
Remember this – 
Your baby is crying to tell you that they are hungry / wet / tired and so on.
They are not crying to tell the world that they have a bad mother

If you feel like a bad mother when your TODDLER THROWS TANTRUMS
Remember this – 
Your toddler is throwing a tantrum to tell you what they need.
Their tantrum does not mean that you have spoiled them

If you feel like a bad mother when your TEEN or TWEEN answers back
Remember this – 
Your Tween / Teen answers back because to test boundaries
That does not mean you have not taught them the right values.

Share this so that those who blame you for your child’s behavior and make you feel like a bad mother – so that they see this and understand that they are wrong.

Always remember – 
YOU ARE AN AMAZING MOM

#parenting #momguilt #tantrums #babycare #teenparenting

Do you wonder why your child cannot FOCUS?

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Do you wonder why your child cannot FOCUS?

It may be because you are making these 3 BIG Parenting Mistakes

1. Distracting your child to FEED them
When you distract your child to feed them what they don’t like– you are training their brain to ignore things it doesn’t like.
At first your child’s brain learns to ignore what is coming in through the mouth.
Over a period of time your child learns to ignore what is coming into the brain as well.
This becomes a problem when you try to teach your child something they don’t like. They ignore the information. They don’t focus.

2. Distracting your child when they throw TANTRUMS
When you distract your child during a tantrum your child learns that there is always an escape route from anything difficult.
Focus is difficult.
And so your child begins to avoid focusing

3. Distracting your child when you want to focus on your WORK
Children learn almost everything – including how to focus by imitating you.
When you distract your child to focus on your work – they miss out on the opportunity to learn how to focus.

STOP DISTRACTING YOUR CHILD IF YOU WANT THEM TO LEARN HOW TO FOCUS.

Type FOCUS and change your parenting NOW!!

Share this with those who distract your child all the time and then blame them for not being focused.

This style of parenting is PARENTING WITH NEUROSCIENCE

Do you want to learn more about how to start parenting with neuroscience?

DM me and I will share details of my PARENTING with NEUROSCIENCE course for the parents of 0–7-year-olds.

#parenting #focus #distraction

What to do when your toddler starts throwing things?

When your toddler starts throwing things - understand that your toddler is trying to develop these skills –
Fine motor skills – throwing teaches your child how to hold an object and then release it. This is essential for learning how to writeGross motor skills – throwing helps your child develop balance, coordination and arm strength.Visual skills – when your child throws an object and tracks its movement throw the air, it helps them develop eye control and the ability to follow with the eyes. This is important for learning how to read.Hand-to-eye coordination – when your child picks up an object and throws it at a target it develops hand to eye coordination. This is essential for reading and writing.Cognitive skills – throwing teaches your child about cause and effect, speed, force and gravity. This helps in school learning.Language skills – your child learns new words when the adults around them react and say something about the throwing. This helps in understanding what your child reads.
Plan these activities and games to allow your toddler to practice throwing without hurting anyone / breaking anything / making a mess
Outdoor throwing games
Throw a ball in the gardenThrow a stone into the pondFly a paper planeThrow a flying discThrow leavesTumble, roll, crawl, jump, swingNotice falling leaves and flying birds to learn about movement in the airThrow a ball at a targetThrow to the right / left / front / back and so onStep forward and throwThrow while runningThrow with one hand and then with 2 handsIndoor throwing games
Throw a soft ball into a basketKnock over a tower of paper cupsThrow small soft cushionsThrow a ball into a hole in a cardboard box (monster mouth)Throw various objects that fall and make different soundsThrow things into a metal vessel to make a soundChores
Drop / throw dirty clothes into the washing basketDrop / throw toys when clearing up after playtimeDrop the waste into the dustbinDrop a snack into the bowl to eatDrop toys into water at bathtimeImportant -
A: To help your child get the maximum benefit out of their throwing experience – talk about what is happening. Talk about how things go up and then down, how things fall into water with a splash, how a tissue moves slower than a ball and so on.
B: To help them stay safe – tell them what they can throw and where.
C: To ensure that they don’t use throwing to get rid of their anger and frustration – stay close to them and help them manage their emotions by giving them words to express their emotions and calm down
D: To ensure that your child does not throw food- serve small quantities of food and remove the food if they are not hungry and start playing with the food.
Remember your child needs to THROW TO GROW.
Learn PARENTING with NEUROSCIENCE so that you can help your child build their brain
Learn PARENTING with NEUROSCIENCE so that you can stop scolding your child when they are doing something to develop their brain
Learn PARENTING with NEUROSCIENCE so that you can stop those who are labelling your child “BAD”
Sign up for my PARENTING with NEUROSCIENCE course from this link www.theparentingplace.in/for-parents-of-0--7-year-olds.html

Do you want your child to be PATIENT?

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Do you want your child to be PATIENT?

Yes. Patience is a very important quality that a child needs to succeed in life.

Without patience – 
(a) Your child cannot learn – because they are not patient enough to practice
(b) Your child cannot make friends – because they don’t have the patience to listen
(c) Your child cannot solve problems – because they don’t have the patience to think.

But do you know why your child cannot be patient?

BECAUSE YOUR CHILD HAS AN INCOMPLETE BRAIN.
YOUR CHILD’S BRAIN DOES NOT HAVE THE PART THAT MAKES A PERSON PATIENT

So, do you have to wait for your child’s brain to grow?

No.

You can use my NEUROSCIENCE BASED 5-P FORMULA TO BUILD YOUR CHILD’S BRAIN AND MAKE THEM PATIENT.

These are the 5 Ps –

1. P for PATIENCE
Be patient yourself.
If always rush your child and ask them to do things immediately – they will do the same.

2. P for PRACTICE
Don’t leave whatever you are doing as soon as your child asks for something and give them what they want.
Politely ask them to wait a minute. And then thank them for waiting.

3. P for PACIFY
Don’t get angry when your child is impatient
Tell them that you understand how difficult it is to be patient and what you do when you feel impatient 

4. P for PLAY
Give your child lots of time to play outdoors. Nature has a calming effect and makes us patient.
Reduce screen time or even better stop all use of TV and mobiles.

5. P for PARTNERSHIP 
Do household chores or any other activity where you and your child have to work together. Working together will help your child to learn how to wait for their turn.

Type 5-P and start building your child’s brain to be PATIENT.

Remember if you don’t make your child PATIENT – your child will not be SUCCESSFUL.

Share this now with those who criticize your child for SHOUTING and being IMPATIENT.
Let them understand that your child still does not have a fully developed brain.

This is PARENTING with NEUROSCIENCE in action.
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#parenting #patience #play #punishment

Do I have to say I LOVE YOU? – they ask me

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​So many parents who love their children a LOT - don’t say “I LOVE YOU”

Do I have to say I LOVE YOU? – they ask me

Yes you do!!

Because the 3 words create MAGIC

Here are the 3 magical things that happen when you say - I LOVE YOU

1. It increases your child’s FOCUS
The question “Am I loved?” is a constant distraction for a child because their survival depends on being loved and treasured.
When you tell your child you love them – you end that distraction and increase their focus.

2. It increases your child’s MOTIVATION
The only thing that motivates us in life is LOVE.
Love is a flood of dopamine and it can make us move mountains.
When children feel unloved – they become demotivated.

3. It increases your child’s CONFIDENCE
When you tell your child you love them – it increases their self-esteem and builds their confidence.
When children feel unloved, they avoid challenges because they lack confidence

If you are struggling to build your child’s focus, confidence and motivation – start saying I LOVE YOU.

Do you say I LOVE YOU?
How many times a day do you say it?
Write the number in comments.

This is PARENTING with NEUROSCIENCE in action.
PARENTING with NEUROSCIENCE gives you simple solutions to complex problems.

Do you want to learn PARENTING with NEUROSCIENCE?
Subscribe to my PARENTING WITH NEUROSCIENCE COURSE for the parents of 0- to 7-year-olds. DM me for details.

Share this now with a parent who does not say

I LOVE YOU

Follow me for more.
#parenting #self-esteem #motivation

Do you want to scold your child?

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Do you want to scold your child?

No. Of course not.

Then why do you scold them?

1. Your child doesn’t sit and study.
You have to scold them so that they learn.
2. Your child doesn’t finish their food.
You have to scold them so that they eat and stay healthy.
3. Your child throws tantrums.
You have to scold them so that they become disciplined.

Yes. 
YOU SCOLD YOUR CHILD BECAUSE YOU LOVE THEM AND WANT THE BEST FOR THEM.

But remember
YOUR CHILD IS NOT A MINI ADULT.

+++ Your child cannot sit and study because their brain learns better when they are moving around
+++Your child cannot finish their food because their stomach is very small. They need small amounts of nutrient dense food.
+++Your child is throwing a tantrum because they want to tell you something but they don’t have the words.

So, what should you do?

STOP TREATING YOUR CHILD LIKE A MINI ADULT.

Understand what their brain and body needs.

When you give them that they will become HEALTHY + HAPPY + SMART

Type LOVE and start PARENTING with NEUROSCIENCE because that is what your child needs.

Share this so that you are not criticized by others WHEN YOU DON’T SCOLD YOUR CHILD.

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#parenting #learning #neuroscience #tantrums #fussyeating

Pacifiers are BAD

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Pacifiers are BAD

Your pediatrician must have told you that using a pacifier can – 
1. Make it difficult to breastfeed
2. Cause infections
3. Cause choking
4. Affect the normal development of the teeth and jaw.

But there is a BIGGER PROBLEM with using pacifiers
Using a pacifier can affect your child’s LEARNING in the first few years. This can result in poor performance in school.

Surprised?
Don’t be. 

This is what your baby needs to learn in school 

1. A smart brain that can learn quickly
This is developed when you respond to your baby’s crying and babbling
And is called serve and return.
When you put a pacifier in your baby’s mouth – they can’t serve – so you don’t return.
The lack of serve and return results in poor brain development

2. Good hearing capacity to listen and learn
Pacifiers can cause ear infections. This can cause hearing problems.
Hearing problems can result in poor language development.
Poor language development can be a big problem in learning.

3. Good Hand to eye coordination to write
Hand to eye coordination is developed by mouthing (putting hands and other objects in the mouth)
When a baby has a pacifier in the mouth, they don’t put their hands and other things in their mouth. 
This results in poor hand to eye coordination 

4. Good pronunciation to spell correctly
Pacifiers can alter the shape of the growing mouth and change the way your baby speaks.
When the pronunciation is wrong, the spelling is also likely to be wrong.

5. Emotional regulation to stay calm while learning
When a baby is given a pacifier they become dependent on the pacifier to stay calm. They don’t learn self-regulation.
When they need to stay calm without a pacifier in school they throw tantrums and do not listen.

Are you keeping your baby quiet with a pacifier so that other people will not criticize you?

The same people will criticize you when your child struggles to learn in school.

Type STOP and stop using pacifiers now.
Focus on your child’s future not on what others say.
Share this so that everyone knows why you are right when you don’t use a pacifier.

Start PARENTING WITH NEUROSCIENCE and stop making big parenting mistakes.

#pacifier #parenting

Do you want your SHY child to SHINE

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Do you want your SHY child to SHINE

Then STOP these 3 SHs

SHAMING
“Why can’t you go and play like the other children?”
This makes them ashamed of themselves and makes them even more shy.

SHOVING
Shoving or pushing a child to do what they are not able to do will decrease their confidence further and make them even more shy.

SHELTERING
If you are overprotective and keep speaking for your child when they need or want something they will remain shy.

What should you do?

Follow my neuroscience based ABCDEF formula to help your SHY child SHINE

A – Accept
Say – yes, I know it is scary.
When your child feels understood – they will feel more confident.

B – Build self-esteem
Give your child lots of cuddles and kisses to show them that you love them. This will make them more confident.

C – Clarify
Instead of telling your child to be social, show your child how to socialize by doing it yourself. When they see that you are not afraid of new people and places, they will be brave too.

D – Delight
When your child moves away from you keep making eye contact and cheer them on with a big smile.

E – Empower
Teach your child basic skills like how to use the toilet, how to take off and put on shoes etc. so that they feel confident.

Remember being SHY is not a bad thing.
Having LOW CONFIDENCE is bad.

Make sure you are not destroying your child’s confidence with the 3 SHs

Type ABC and start building your child’s confidence NOW.

Share this - so that those who are SHAMING, SHOVING and SHELTERING your child see this and STOP.

Your SHY child will soon SHINE.

Follow me to learn Parenting with Neuroscience.
#parenting #shy #confidence #introvert