Ducks are the stars of the karaoke bird world Quotes

“I may name the title of my next duck quotes book: “I shit where I want.” The cover will feature ducks, but inside the book I may sneak in a few photos of homeless people in San Francisco.”
― Jarod Kintz, Ducks are the stars of the karaoke bird world

“When I put off a task until the last minute, I'm not procrastinating—I'm exercising great patience. I learned that from my ducks, who do nothing all day, but still manage to accomplish everything they are supposed to do.”
― Jarod Kintz, Ducks are the stars of the karaoke bird world

“Some people talk nonstop, but say nothing. Ducks speak only one word, quack, and communicate everything.”
― Jarod Kintz, Ducks are the stars of the karaoke bird world

“Ducks are the songbirds of all feathered swimmers. What song? Bette Midler's Wind Beneath My Wings.”
― Jarod Kintz, Ducks are the stars of the karaoke bird world

“At karaoke night, my ducks always sing Bette Midler's "Wind Beneath My Wings." I mean I do too, because when I try to sing R. Kelly's "I Believe I Can Fly" they boo me off stage.”
― Jarod Kintz, Ducks are the stars of the karaoke bird world

“My ducks could absolutely save humanity. I keep asking them to help, but they simply refuse.”
― Jarod Kintz, Ducks are the stars of the karaoke bird world

“If water could be shaped like clay, then swimming ducks would be master sculptors. If I were to commission a statue of myself, I'd hire splashing ducks at play.”
― Jarod Kintz, Ducks are the stars of the karaoke bird world

“I read the newspaper a little at a time. I cut the paper up into tiny slivers, each about the size of a fortune cookie slogan, and then I mix all the scraps together and then read them at random one by one. That's how I stay current with duck farm trends.”
― Jarod Kintz, Ducks are the stars of the karaoke bird world

“Popeyes is coming to town, and with it The Spicy Chicken Sandwich. As a duck farmer I'm jealous. I wish I had a food item that customers were willing to stab each other over. What great marketing: We offer something that's worth getting knifed in line for the chance to buy.”
― Jarod Kintz, Ducks are the stars of the karaoke bird world

“A group of ducks is a raft, and a cluster of crows is a murder, but what collection of birds is a gang? Probably geese. They are always engaging in lawlessness and doing graffiti.”
― Jarod Kintz, Ducks are the stars of the karaoke bird world

“Ducks have eyes on the sides of their heads, which is the mark of a prey. Mainstream news viewers must also have the same eye placement, because they aren't even aware of their predators. Oh, and ducks eat bugs, as do most prey—including people who think you can VOTE for FREEDOM.”
― Jarod Kintz, Ducks are the stars of the karaoke bird world

“I'm wearing a flash drive on a lanyard around my neck, and it looks like a whistle. I'm also wearing a collared green shirt with my BearPaw Duck And Meme Farm logo popping off in orange, so it looks like a school's colors. I look like a coach, and I'm ready to watch you work hard.”
― Jarod Kintz, Ducks are the stars of the karaoke bird world

“A vehicle's power is measured in horses. But why is that? Why not ducks? The engines of today's electric cars are closer to the output of ducks than horses.”
― Jarod Kintz, Ducks are the stars of the karaoke bird world

“Poe is to poetry what I am to duck farming. You can quote me on that. And if that’s not good enough, you can go quote a raven.”
― Jarod Kintz, Ducks are the stars of the karaoke bird world

“I’m inspired by the Darwinian nature of tables. They have legs, which makes them more evolved than fish. But they won’t truly impress me as furniture until they have wings like a duck.”
― Jarod Kintz, Ducks are the stars of the karaoke bird world

“Gas prices are so high that people are trying to save money by demanding absurd deals, like Buy One Duck, Get Twelve FREE. I always respond, "Are you crazy? The best I can do is Buy Two, Get Eleven FREE.”
― Jarod Kintz, Ducks are the stars of the karaoke bird world

“The Navy's recruitment propaganda video, Top Gun 2, is finally being released nearly 40 years after the original. And it looks like we're still flying the same technology as back in the 80s. During WWIII, we may be better off sending a flock of Pekin ducks to attack Russia.”
― Jarod Kintz, Ducks are the stars of the karaoke bird world

“If you’re funny once, you’ll try to duplicate that effect over and over. Some comedians are created inadvertently, and they continue to make people laugh unintentionally. I find ducks more humorous than most stand-up comics.”
― Jarod Kintz, Ducks are the stars of the karaoke bird world

“You are in your dreams, but you also appear in mine. Yet you have no memory of ever being in even one of my dreams. How can you forget some place you spend so much time? Compared to a duck, you make the swimming bird’s brain look like a supercomputer.”
― Jarod Kintz, Ducks are the stars of the karaoke bird world

“Shrinkflation is when you pay more money and receive less than what you used to get at a lower price. It's like buying a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and being served two pieces of bread. But in that Air Sandwich there exists the possibility of flight. And if those two slices of bread are soggy, then you have just created Duck Heaven.”
― Jarod Kintz, Ducks are the stars of the karaoke bird world

“I want to work in a store that sells axes and saxophones, and that’s all. I want to be the guy who repairs used birds—particularly ducks.”
― Jarod Kintz, Ducks are the stars of the karaoke bird world

“I run a nudist colony. I don’t mean to, but my ducks refuse to listen to me when I tell them to put on pants—or at least a bathing suit when they go swimming.”
― Jarod Kintz, Ducks are the stars of the karaoke bird world

“The other night I went out to dinner and ordered the duck. The waiter told me it wasn't on the menu, so I told him it should be. Then I said I had thirteen in my trunk, and if the restaurant would buy twelve, they could get one FREE.”
― Jarod Kintz, Ducks are the stars of the karaoke bird world

“One time I tried to join a gang. Turns out it was just a bunch of ducks standing around smoking, and not the dangerous geese I was seeking.”
― Jarod Kintz, Ducks are the stars of the karaoke bird world

“March is when some days are winter and some days are spring, but it's not a smooth gradient from the beginning of the month to the end. Good thing my ducks love the merging of the two seasons.”
― Jarod Kintz, Ducks are the stars of the karaoke bird world

“A flamingo is a pink giraffe bird. That’s pretty exotic until you consider that a Pekin duck is the Amelia Earhart of avians.”
― Jarod Kintz, Ducks are the stars of the karaoke bird world

“I sell hats. The only kind I sell are living ducks. When you wear one on your head, no longer will the insult, “You must have eggs for brains!” carry any sting.”
― Jarod Kintz, Ducks are the stars of the karaoke bird world

“I walk my ducks into their pen every evening. I saunter, and they sprint in front of me. Each knows to not deviate from the group's direction, because if one gets out of line I make it do push-ups.”
― Jarod Kintz, Ducks are the stars of the karaoke bird world

“When Johnny Depp said he found poop all over his bed, I got embarrassed, thinking my ducks had broken into his house and used his sheets like a garden. But boy was I relieved when he placed the blame on Amber Heard, where it properly belongs.”
― Jarod Kintz, Ducks are the stars of the karaoke bird world

“Ducks are the stars of the karaoke bird world. You’d think it would be songbirds or parrots (or boobies, because who doesn’t like to see those on stage?), but nope, they all quit going down to the corner bar to try to impress the locals with their vocals, and they joined TikTok so they could dance their way to fame.”
― Jarod Kintz, Ducks are the stars of the karaoke bird world