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Although people perform at their peak while in flow, they are unconcerned with how they're doing, with thoughts of success or failure. To enter flow: focus sharply on the task or do a task at a slightly higher level than your ability

People's beliefs about their abilities have a profound effect on those abilities. Ability is not a fixed property, there is a huge variability in how you perform. People who have a sense of self-efficacy (belief that you are master of your own life and can meet its challenges) bounce back from failures; they approach things in terms of how to handle them rather than worrying about what can go wrong

- Skipped chapter 6: Master Aptitude
- Skipped last 2 pages of ch 9 - ch 10:Organizational Savvy and he Group IQ
- Skimmed ch 12:Getting the Emotional Basics to the end

How to have more emotional intelligence: identify, express and manage your. Feelings, delay gratification and control your impulses, and learn how to handle stress and anxiety

Challenging depressive thinking patterns and engaging in social activities you like helps shortcut depression.

People need to mourn the loss the trauma brought.

To get over PTSD, play games that help relive the trauma but in a safe, playful way. Or do it through the arts as it can defrost the iced image in the amygdala. Relaxation techniques also help. Retell the trauma in a safe environment to a therapist.

To get over PTSD, play games that help relive the trauma but in a safe, playful way. Or do it through the arts as it can defrost the iced image in the amygdala. Relaxation techniques also help. Retell the trauma in a safe environment to a therapist.

Helplessness is the wildcard in triggering PTSD

Worse 3 parenting styles: ignoring the kid’s feelings, being too laissez-faire, and being too contemptuous, aka showing no respect for how the kid feels.

RELAXATION TRAINING

If can’t talk to someone, write is out. 15-20 minutes a day helps TREMENDOUSLY.

Not ha ingenious anyone to talk to is bad. Also important are the quality of the relationships you have (toxic or empowering). The more important the person, the more you’re affected.

It’s not about the one or two times these emotions happen. It’s about whether they’re chronic or not.

Depression makes illnesses worse: increased risk for a heart attack, decreased likelihood of recovery, etc

Stress and anxiety can speed up cancer, reduce immune response, speed up plaque building and blood clotting, accelerate diabetes (or the beginning of), and asthma.

Being prone to anger makes you more likely to die at a younger age than smoking, high blood pressure or cholesterol.

Emotions and stress affect health, especially anger, anxiety and depression

Most powerful form of non defensive listening is empathy: hearing the feelings BEHIND what is being said. For effective emotional listening (“mirroring”): one person complains, the other says it back in their own words, trying to capture not just the thought but also the feelings that go along with it. Keep checking in and repeating until the restatement is accurate.

It’s possible to edit what you hear, ignoring the hostile and negative parts of an exchange (nasty tone, insults, criticism) ad hear the main message if you remember the negativity equates to the importance of the issue - a demand to pay attention

Defensiveness in a listener takes the form of ignoring or immediately rebutting the spouse’s complaint, reacting to it as though it were an attack rather than an attempt to change behavior. Of course, in an argument what one spouse says is often in the form of an attack, or is said with such strong negativity that it is hard to hear anything other than an attack.