PulpMonkey (Chompa)

“New Achievement! Sex Pervert! A nipple ring? Really? The next thing you know, you’ll be waxing your perineum and attending those parties where you have to put your keys in a bowl. You’ll have to grow out your sideburns, buy a Trans Am, and you’ll no longer be able to make eye contact with your child’s orthodontist. Reward: Whores don’t get rewards.”
― Matt Dinniman, The Butcher's Masquerade

“I’m actually quite fond of the Twilight novels. Plus, I would never stoop so low as to disparage the work of an over-imaginative and obviously undersexed artist who managed to become a brazilianaire from barely-disguised erotica targeted at adolescent girls. However, I would like to take this opportunity to point out that your culture’s obsession with fictional, underaged heroes was absolutely misguided. Paul Atreides was fifteen years old. Harry Potter was just eleven in the beginning of the first book. The kids from Stranger Things were all tweens. Kid ‘n Play were (portrayed”
― Matt Dinniman, The Butcher's Masquerade

“You are right in supposing that I have not been led lightly into a belief in the marvelous— for what I have experienced is marvelous— and I have been forced by extraordinary evidence to credit that which ran counter, diametrically, to all my theories.”
― Joseph Sheridan Le Fanu, Carmilla

“Okay, buddy. We gotta be quick. You are balls deep in the wrong hole, and mom is pulling into the driveway. You get me?”
― Matt Dinniman, The Butcher's Masquerade