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A Solivagant on the Inselberg
HALLIEEEE SORRY I HAVEN'T BEEN ON HERE MUCH
And of course it turned into complete crap after that.Uh I never felt sad about it on the first place. Of course L was kidding. What I did was turn away and laugh xP
Alex!!!!! Hi!!!! I've missed you!!
So they wrote 'I think I'm very close you. I think you will be able to guess me.' So the only two people I think are close to me are HS and L, but then I know who is HS's angel, so the chances of it being L. And after my Chemistry exam last week, she was the one who was most interested in how it was. Also, the letters always come from the place she sits.Maybe.... I haven't received any letters recently, though. Well, I didn't send any to my angel either, so can't complain. I should send her a chocolate tomorrow.
Momos
So this morning, there were too many people in the second vehicle that we switch to, so instead of 5 people happily breathing and me not-so-happily breathing, we had 8 people feeling claustrophobic. Thank goodness the ride doesn't take more than 20 minutes!
When we got out, S2 told me to guess which experiment she got. I told the name of the one she didn't know very well and had told me to teach, and unfortunately, I was right. She lost five marks in total, so now both she and I received the same marks.
Then as we walked up to our classes, S2 and S3 made plans to skip the afternoon classes and even invited me to go with them. I was really tempted. I mean I wanted to, even though I had lab, but you know me and my obsession to keep my attendance at 100%. They told me to think about it because they have lab just before me too and were planning to skip it. I didn't, though.
The very first hour, my Chemistry teacher gave us the test. I barely remembered shit. "Explain the manufacture of-" Oh fuck, I'm screwed! I don't know. "-of ammonia by Haber's process." Oh wait, I know this one properly! "Explain the manufacture-" Now I'm screwed. "-of nitric acid by Ostwald's process." I know this as well! "Explain the process of manufacture of potassium dichromate." Fuck. Now I'm dead. She gave seven questions, out of which I knew five, but I was too lazy to write all of them. The thing is before we were allowed to write the answers, she began to change places of people and she made me sit in the last where there was no one near me. I like the last, but not isolated during a test. I ended up forgetting what I knew as well, but I managed. Eventually the teacher understood that everyone was blank, so she told us to study and write it. I went back to my seat after she announced that. She didn't even take our papers, so I guess I'll continue my tales of being dumb in Chemistry on Monday.
During English, L and the other class rep lied to the teacher that we had finished writing the summary of one lesson when we had actually bunked the whole period. The teacher went out for a few minutes and L quickly explained the story they had made up so that we can act along. The teacher came back and tried to screen a movie, but then she said, "Okay students, the pendrive isn't working, so I'll bring my laptop and show it tomorrow. Write the summary of the next lesson." We started begging her and she kept refusing to let us free, and suddenly L said, "Teacher, it's here!" The pendrive was fine. The teacher was like 'intelligent and dedicated class prefects'. Of course! That's why we elected them :D We watched half of the movie. It was in some foreign language, so subtitles were our only way to understand. Except for Iz.
Then Math was boring. Oh right, Zoology! Our teacher had announced a test, but we didn't study, so we tried to escape, but she remembered anyway. She let us off the hook this time and gave us time to study. Iz was irritating B, H2, and K (M didn't come till the last hour), whilst I pretended they don't exist and studied. You must be wondering why I actually studied. Well, I like Zoology and most importantly, the topic was on drug and alcohol abuse amongst adolescents. Of course I'd pay attention to that! I've been paying attention to that one topic ever since I got the textbook before school even started.
During lunch, the girl sitting in front of me was drawing something and she showed it to me. None of her friends had come today, so she was alone and I'm always around to annoy the fuck out of people. Her drawing was really good! It was the back view of a girl - her hair so straight. Then we noticed that it kind of looked like the front view of a girl with her hair in the front, so she changed that to add a face. First it looked like Samara from the ring; finally it ended up as the nun. We both agreed that she was a ghost. The girl eventually got bored and decided to go home after asking me whether it would be worth it. It's not like we had anything important, so she left.
In Botany, we had a test for which I had actually studied, so that went okay. We had one in Physics as well, but we begged her to let us study on our own. She did, but in the last fifteen minutes, she gave us a small test of definitions, and crap no one studied! And then she called out the roll number just before mine to answer, but unfortunately for me, that person no longer goes to our school, and the teacher called out the next number - me. I didn't know the first question! Well, I knew how to explain it, but didn't know how to define it, so I just said I didn't know. Yeah, that went baaaaad.
The last hour was Chemistry lab and we didn't even go to the lab. The teacher just took attendance, and let us go home. I called Mum and asked if I should come, but both of us were unsure on whether or not I would be able to because there is some problem with the train to my place. So I said I'd stay. I walked around and saw H2 and K go into the mini park, and asked if they had seen L around, but even though I was clearly clueless on what to do, as soon as they answered, they turned their backs and walked off. So I was alone again. I thought I'd just go take a look and see if there's anyone in the bus, and then go eat something. There were some people, so I decided to go in anyway.
I was sitting there and the girl who caused all that drama yesterday (let's call her J because now there are too many people with the letter S) came too. Technically, I'm not supposed to be there because we actually do have classes, but we were left early. The driver didn't know about this, and he wasn't there when I came. So some of the early comers inside wanted to eat but one of them had twisted her leg, so they asked J to get her something. Just as she was about to go out, she noticed a couple of cards belonging to the driver. She joked that she should throw them out after she explained what happened yesterday to those people. One of them said that she didn't have the audacity to do it, so J threw them out of the window. Just like the driver threw her bag. They realized what happened and then they realized that I had seen it. So all of them started begging me to not tell the driver that J did it. I promised to keep my mouth shut because I don't want to get in the middle of this. Instead, I asked J if I could come along to eat and she said yes.
I didn't know what to get and since we had a lot of time to kill anyway (nearly two hours), so she took me to eat momos. I had never tasted momos before, and she had wanted to make me try it earlier. It was.... Fine. J found it amusing that I described it as 'fine'. It's not bad, but it's not that great either. Oh, on the way, we saw the guy she was talking to yesterday when the driver caught her. She ordered another plate for herself and shared that as well, so by the time school had officially ended for everyone, we were back with food for others to eat as well.
On the way back, she asked why I decided to come to this school, and where I was going to go next, and of course, Hallie has no clue. I just usually go with the flow. I always have and it drives my mum nuts, but I usually just have this rough idea of one particular goal, but how I get there is all spontaneous rather than planned. I guess she thinks I just do what my parents say. Do I? I don't know. Maybe. We bumped into HS, and she told me that my angel was disappointed in not receiving a letter for days, so I should get her some chocolate tomorrow. She also said that she didn't get any herself. I should persuade Iz to at least send her a letter, because Iz doesn't seem to care about it, but HS actually left her hometown and came here last year, so she doesn't have many friends here and her family is there. She didn't have the best experience here and she's a really nice person, so I just want to make her feel less lonely.
Hearing this, J figured that we were playing secret Santa as well. So she inquired how our class was playing, and I explained how things are supposed to work and how the pattern changed thanks to our exams. Then J was like, "I know who your secret Santa is." Which is funny because I'm finally confident enough to guess L's name in front of the class. So I replied, "I think I know who it is too." So she asked me to tell, and I said L's name. She was shocked xD "How did you know, Hallie?" I explained how I arrived at the conclusion and she confirmed that I was sooooo right. I knew it! Eheheh xD Maybe she didn't send me letters, but she took me to eat multiple times.
The only problem was the driver was waiting for J with the cards in his hand. He said he knew exactly who did it, and he would give the person guilty ten minutes to confess and he wouldn't do anything. He kept asking J to confess, but she denied saying that he had to bring someone who had seen her do it and she would beat whoever accused her. He still knew it was her. The girl who had twisted her leg glanced back at me and then told J that it would be best if she just confessed, else he would call her dad. She still denied it, so the same girl told the driver that it was J and requested him to not do anything. All he said initially was, "I'm not going to pick you up from tomorrow. Don't even step in." He was mad. Even more than yesterday..
So the thing is should I have told him? I mean..... I don't know.....
And I just realized that I've been eating from outside a lot recently. Since Saturday actually. On Saturday, L, S2, S3, three others. Sunday my parents bought something even though I didn't go out to eat. I went with S2 and S3 on Monday; with S2 on Tuesday; with L yesterday and J today. K and I are supposed to be eating from the canteen tomorrow, so I've been eating a lot this week. And still becoming skinnier and skinnier everyday. Ugh!
Anyway, I'm going to watch or read some depressing stuff now! I just thought I'd write down whatever happened everyday so that if I die and my family finds this journal, and if they strangely care to know why, maybe it would give them answers. And it's how I wanted this journal to be.
Hallie wrote: "And of course it turned into complete crap after that.Uh I never felt sad about it on the first place. Of course L was kidding. What I did was turn away and laugh xP
Alex!!!!! Hi!!!! I've missed..."
I MISSED YOU TOO
Hallie wrote: "I think L is my secret Santa."I wanna do the secret Santa thing with the palaye royale fandom
Okay, okay, I'll go back to sleep now.
Hallie wrote: "Okay, okay, I'll go back to sleep now."Good night! :)
But Ari's new song is...... I can't even describe it because it's that good.
Tea or Textbook
I'm too lazy to write everything, so this is going to be short.
I spent nearly two hours in the library staring at a Chemistry textbook and feeling kind of feverish. Everyone from my class kept coming to me and asking if I had seen their friends. Everyone except my friends.
Then I went to the canteen to buy tea. I stood there holding the cash, but all my teachers were right behind me, and I was too scared to drink in front of them, so I walked off. Yeah, not the worst thing because soon there was a depressed kid in class with a hoodie over her head nearly slitting her wrists. I should have gone before and not during the break, but I was trying to search for a textbook to check out.
K and I were supposed to eat from the canteen today, but our Math teacher who took the class before lunch deliberately left us ten minutes late. H2 came too, and the three us were already pissed. I ran to the canteen and ordered the food for all of us while they arrived a little late because they were unable to come as fast. But then the dish we ordered was over and they were preparing a new batch. There were only ten minutes left for lunch to get over, and the three of us along with another girl in our class who ordered the same thing were super impatient. I mean I legit screwed one of the people working in French. Well, we all did. At least the food was fine, albeit a little burnt and hot.
Iz taught me a bit of calculus, so we were the last to leave from class. I also lost my favourite seat in the bus because I waited with S2, S3 and L while they waited for another girl to find her bag.
Also, someone called me from the Irish universities programme, but since the bus was noisy, she said she would call me tomorrow. I hope they do! I regret saying that it's too noisy, because I'm afraid they won't. And J came to my house to borrow two books for her friend, and she tried to ask the driver to wait, but he refused because he knows the distance between my stop and house (which is five minutes away, but still a lot of time for the people waiting to go home), so she just got down with me. Mum isn't home but my brother is (he went to work least Saturday, so they gave him a day off today), and I'm just glad he didn't do something embarrassing like the last time I brought a friend home.
Uh yeah, so the day was mediocre. And S2 and L want me to go hang out with them tomorrow, but then I'll have to skip something else, so it's a confusing decision.
Hallie wrote: "*hugs*Aw! xD That would be fun!"
We’re doing it
Hey! Sorry in a bad mood right now :( Ignore everything I say.
So obviously, I want drop dead, and this time, it's not even my fault. Nope, I did not have anything to do with. I did not. I did not.
My brother came home with this toy for my cousin, and Dad didn't quite understand what it is. Mum accidentally let it slip that he sounded as naive as my aunt the last time we got that cousin a toy, and Dad lost his temper and began to call everyone idiots and to get out.
Because of course, he knows everything, and it's fine to say that others around him know nothing but point out that he doesn't know something and we have to leave the fucking house?
Nah. He didn't kick us out - or at least direct it at me because I haven't spoken a word in nearly two hours.
Even though I wanted to speak up with evidences that he's a fucking hypocrite 85% of the time.
Didn't. I meant to type didn't direct it at me.Sorry hard to write while blinking back tears.
Hallie wrote: "Didn't. I meant to type didn't direct it at me.Sorry hard to write while blinking back tears."
*pats back*
Don't cry... :(
I know it's hard...
Well, the house is under his name and all, but I'd like to see him dare. He's not the only one with a temper.
Hallie wrote: "Well, the house is under his name and all, but I'd like to see him dare. He's not the only one with a temper."*nod*
I'm not even sure why I'm hiding because my mum and brother are the ones he's actually mad at.
But I'm mad at him because he's mad at them.
Because though he didn't direct it at you, there's a chance he could.
Aqsa wrote: "It's better to avoid him right now."True. I agree with Aqsa
Hallie wrote: "This is why I want to fucking die."Why the hell should you die?
It's not your doing. And you shouldn't suffer for it. Stop directing it at yourself.
Aqsa wrote: "Because though he didn't direct it at you, there's a chance he could."Not really. I never get caught in the middle of this. I mean it's always Mum and my brother. He'll shout at them and insult them so much and come to me all, "Little one!! Want something to eat?"
Aqsa wrote: "Hallie wrote: "This is why I want to fucking die."Why the hell should you die?"
Because I don't want them to.
Then are you hiding to just avoid hearing and seeing all that happening?
Aqsa wrote: "Then are you hiding to just avoid hearing and seeing all that happening?"I would agree from Hallie's point... I mean, it happened at my house too, and trust me I wanted to die or at least disappear from there at that time
it's personal
Books mentioned in this topic
Kim Jiyoung, Born 1982 (other topics)Lore (other topics)
The Glass Menagerie (other topics)
The Great Gatsby (other topics)
Orlando (other topics)
More...
As for the "Perfectly Single" ? Be happy about it. And dont let anyone ashame you or feel like you should've worn something else. And maybe L was just teasing you in a friendly way.