Twain Quotes

“Human beings can be awful cruel to one another.”
― Mark Twain, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn

“Do something everyday that you don't want to do; this is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain.”
― Mark Twain

“Conservatism is the blind and fear-filled worship of dead radicals.”
― Mark Twain

“Put all your eggs in one basket and then watch that basket.”
― Andrew Carnegie

“The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.”
― Mark Twain

“Why should I have to hide the fact that I don't believe there’s a supreme being? There’s no proof of it. There’s no harm in saying you’re an atheist. It doesn't mean you treat people any differently. I live by the Golden Rule to do unto others, as you'd want to be treated.

I just simply don't believe in religion, and I don’t believe necessarily that there’s a supreme being that watches over all of us. I follow the teachings of George Carlin. George said he worshipped the sun. He was a fellow atheist. I’m in good company … Albert Einstein, Mark Twain, Charles Darwin. It’s not like I’m not with good company and intelligent people. There have been some good, intelligent atheists who have lived in the world.”
― Jesse Ventura

“We met a great many other interesting people, among them Lewis Carroll, author of the immortal "Alice"--but he was only interesting to look at, for he was the silliest and shyest full-grown man I have ever met except "Uncle Remus.”
― Mark Twain, Autobiography of Mark Twain: Volume 1, Reader's Edition

“I think the Cincinnati Enquirer must be edited by children.”
― Mark Twain

“I have made it a rule never to smoke more than one cigar at a time. I have no other restriction as regards smoking.”
― Mark Twain, Autobiography of Mark Twain: Volume 1, Reader's Edition

“I know all about audiences, they believe everything you say, except when you are telling the truth.”
― Mark Twain, Autobiography of Mark Twain: Volume 1, Reader's Edition

“I have never taken any exercise, except sleeping and resting, and I never intend to take any. Exercise is loathsome. And it cannot be any benefit when you are tired; I was always tired.”
― Mark Twain, Autobiography of Mark Twain: Volume 1, Reader's Edition

“Warm summer sun, shine friendly here
Warm western wind, blow kindly here;
Green sod above, rest light, rest light,
Good-night, Annette!
Sweetheart, good-night!”
― robert richardson

“The highest perfection of politeness is only a beautiful edifice, built, from the base to the dome, of graceful and gilded forms of charitable and unselfish lying.”
― Mark Twain, On the Decay of the Art of Lying

“Hemingway is overrated,
Twain is even more lost at sea,
And all truths point to the mouth of a woman,
Where both her whispers and her screams,
Are born.
Pour another glass,
Beer, wine, whiskey,
I don't care,
So long as its wisdom is sharp,
And it tells lies instead of promises.”
― Dave Matthes, The Kaleidoscope Syndrome: An Anthology

“A wise man does not waste so good a commodity as lying for naught.”
― Mark Twain

“We saw also an autograph letter of Lucrezia Borgia, a lady for whom I have always entertained the highest respect, on account of her rare histrionic capabilities, her opulence in solid gold goblets made of gilded wood, her high distinction as an operatic screamer, and the facility with which she could order a sextuple funeral and get the corpses ready for it.”
― Mark Twain

“Of all God's creatures there is only one that cannot be made the slave of the lash. That one is the cat.
- Notebook, 1894”
― Sam Clemens

“A thousand curses on you and those who spawned you! You've plagued me long enough, you stygian fiend! I don't know what sulfurous pit you've crawled out of, but I mean to return you to it! I'll send you on a voyage down the river Styx if it's the last thing I do!" Twain directed his attention back to the phone. "No, I wasn't talking to you, but most of what I said still applies.”
― Arthur Daigle, William Bradshaw and Fool's Gold

“Of all God's creatures there is only one that cannot be made the slave of the lash. That one is the cat.”
― Samuel Clemens

“إن البيض لا يريدون إلا الخير عندما ينتشلون سمكاً بشرياً من المحيط ويحاولون تنشيفه وتدفته وإسعاده وإراحته في قن الدجاج .”
― Mark Twain

“We wished to go to the Ambrosian Library, and we did that also. We saw a manuscript of Virgil, with annotations in the handwriting of Petrarch, the gentleman who loved another man's Laura, and lavished upon her all through life a love which was a clear waste of the raw material. It was sound sentiment, but bad judgment. It brought both parties fame, and created a fountain of commiseration for them in sentimental breasts that is running yet. But who says a word in behalf of poor Mr. Laura? (I do not know his other name.) Who glorifies him? Who bedews him with tears? Who writes poetry about him? Nobody. How do you suppose he liked the state of things that has given the world so much pleasure? How did he enjoy having another man following his wife every where and making her name a familiar word in every garlic-exterminating mouth in Italy with his sonnets to her pre-empted eyebrows? They got fame and sympathy--he got neither. This is a peculiarly felicitous instance of what is called poetical justice. It is all very fine; but it does not chime with my notions of right. It is too one-sided--too ungenerous.”
― Mark Twain, The Innocents Abroad

“No! You mean you're the late CHarlemagne; you must be six or seven hundred years old, at the very least."
"Trouble has done it, Bilgewater, trouble has done it; trouble has brung these gray hairs and this premature balditude.”
― Mark Twain

“You mean you're the late Charlemagne; you must be six or seven hundred years old, at the very least."
"Trouble has done it, Bilgewater, trouble has done it; trouble has brung these gray hairs and this premature balditude.”
― Mark Twain

“Twain please!" Peck blubbered. "It was never personal. It was just business!"
"Oh Peck, do you think I'm mad at you? I"m a lawyer. I don't get mad. I don't get even." Twain gave him a wicked smile. " I sue people.”
― Arthur Daigle, William Bradshaw and Fool's Gold

“Dear, dear, it only shows that there is nothing diviner about a king than there is about a tramp, after all. He is just a cheap and hollow artificiality when you don't know he is a king. But reveal his quality, and dear me it takes your very breath away to look at him. I reckon we are all fools. Born so, no doubt.”
― Mark Twain, A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court

“THE TWAIN DOTH MEET

East and West are relative to their shared starting point

Kamil Ali”
― Kamil Ali, The Initiates

“Nadie que haya leído a Mark Twain puede ser enemigo de los Estados Unidos”
― Juan Emilio Bosch Gaviño

“Nichts lieben die Deutschen so von ganzem Herzen wie die Oper. Sie werden durch Gewohnheit und Erziehung dahin geleitet. Auch wir Amerikaner können es ohne Zweifel eines Tages noch zu solcher Liebe bringen. Bis jetzt findet aber vielleicht unter fünfzig Besuchern der Oper einer wirklich Gefallen daran; von den übrigen neunundvierzig gehen viele, glaube ich, hin, weil sie sich daran gewöhnen möchten, und die andern, um mit Sachkenntnis davon reden zu können. Letztere summen gewöhnlich die Melodien vor sich hin, während sie auf der Bühne gesungen werden, um ihren Nachbarn zu zeigen, daß sie nicht zum erstenmal in der Oper sind. Sie verdienten dafür gehängt zu werden.”
― Mark Twain, Meistererzählungen

“Dance With The One That Brought You”
― Shania Twain, The Best of Shania Twain: 14 Hit Songs

“Good books, good friends, and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.”
― Mark Twain