George Carlin Quotes

Quotes tagged as "george-carlin" Showing 1-11 of 11
George Carlin
“He - and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever fuck things up this badly.”
George Carlin

George Carlin
“The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions.”
George Carlin

George Carlin
“Don't give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you.”
George Carlin

George Carlin
“[On school uniforms] Don't these schools do enough damage making all these kids think alike, now they have to make them look alike too? It's not a new idea, either. I first saw it in old newsreels from the 1930s, but it was hard to understand because the narration was in German.”
George Carlin

George Carlin
“You wouldn't know it, from some of the things I've said over the years, but I like people... I do... I like people, but I like them in short bursts. I don't like people for extended periods of time. I'm all right with them for a little while, but once you get past around a minute, minute-and-a-half, I gotta get the f*** outta there.”
George Carlin, It's Bad for Ya

George Carlin
“There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions, and wooooords.”
George Carlin

Jesse Ventura
“Why should I have to hide the fact that I don't believe there’s a supreme being? There’s no proof of it. There’s no harm in saying you’re an atheist. It doesn't mean you treat people any differently. I live by the Golden Rule to do unto others, as you'd want to be treated.

I just simply don't believe in religion, and I don’t believe necessarily that there’s a supreme being that watches over all of us. I follow the teachings of George Carlin. George said he worshipped the sun. He was a fellow atheist. I’m in good company … Albert Einstein, Mark Twain, Charles Darwin. It’s not like I’m not with good company and intelligent people. There have been some good, intelligent atheists who have lived in the world.”
Jesse Ventura

George Carlin
“I’m a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond!”
George Carlin

George Carlin
“Personally I would never want to be a member of any group where you either have to wear a hat, or you can't wear a hat."”
George Carlin

George Carlin
“When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. It will not be with jack-boots. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts...”
George Carlin

Mary Norris
“The seven words George Carlin said you couldn’t say on TV or radio (“fuck,” “piss,” “shit,” “cunt,” “motherfucker,” “cocksucker,” and “tits”).”
Mary Norris, Between You & Me: Confessions of a Comma Queen