Litrpg Quotes (101 quotes)

“I'd spent my whole life being a sword for kings and a shield for a realm that broke anyway. I didn't have any more epic hero left in me. But I thought I did have a lot of father left.”
― Alex Savage, The WarMage of Arkley

tags: fatherhood, humor, litrpg

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“But the funny thing about being a dad is that the universe doesn't actually care if you spent the entire night saving it. Seven in the morning still rolls around at maximum volume.”
― Alex Savage, The WarMage of Arkley

tags: fatherhood, humor, litrpg

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“My kid was safe, happy, and currently plotting my immediate downfall. Just as it should be.”
― Alex Savage, The WarMage of Arkley 2

tags: fatherhood, humor, litrpg

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“Every cup of coffee I have ever served has been strategic. You don't deliver news that the world might be ending without first ensuring the recipient has adequate hydration and a biscuit within reach. It's basic politeness.”
― Alex Savage, The WarMage of Arkley 2

tags: fatherhood, humor, litrpg

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“One sock is not packing, Daddy. One sock is giving up.”
― Alex Savage, The WarMage of Arkley 2

tags: fatherhood, humor, litrpg

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“You can get to a certain shape of tired where you will accept, as a bed, any horizontal surface that isn't currently on fire.”
― Alex Savage, The WarMage of Arkley 2

tags: fatherhood, humor, litrpg

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“Bins still out front, mind. The apocalypse doesn’t get you out of bin night.”
― Alex Savage, The WarMage of Arkley 3

tags: fatherhood, humor, litrpg

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“Everything I am is a wall around two dirty bowls in a sink, and I would burn down considerably more than a star to keep them there.”
― Alex Savage, The WarMage of Arkley 3

tags: fatherhood, humor, litrpg

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“Squirrels don’t knock. We arrive. There’s a difference, and you’ll feel it in your teeth about a minute before it happens, like weather coming, except the weather is family and it’s already in your fridge.”
― Alex Savage, The WarMage of Arkley 3

tags: fatherhood, humor, litrpg

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“Look, boy, most of you don't make it past the first week anyway. Just try not to bleed on the floor. I just mopped.”
― Alex Savage, Monster Girl Sheriff: A Men's Urban Fantasy Harem LitRPG

tags: humor, litrpg, noir

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“They lined up. They'd found out the hour they were going to die and the first thing they thought was that there'd be forms.”
― Alex Savage, Monster Girl Sheriff: A Men's Urban Fantasy Harem LitRPG

tags: humor, litrpg, noir

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“Violence you can put your fist through and call it a day. Procedure just waits.”
― Alex Savage, Monster Girl Sheriff: A Men's Urban Fantasy Harem LitRPG

tags: humor, litrpg, noir

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“We're still sweeping up the dematerialised ashes of supplicants murdered during your last visit. I'm not sure 'harsh' is entirely justified.”
― Malory, Death of a Curator

tags: litrpg, mystery, noir

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“Show an Earthling a cosmic horror, and they offer you baked cheese.”
― Alex Savage, The WarMage of Arkley

tags: fatherhood, humor, litrpg

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“I've personally overthrown despotic tyrants who demanded less daily tribute than the Arkley municipal parking authority.”
― Alex Savage, The WarMage of Arkley

tags: fatherhood, humor, litrpg

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“He was clearly a man standing on the edge of the abyss, and the abyss was offering him a breath mint.”
― Alex Savage, The WarMage of Arkley

tags: fatherhood, humor, litrpg

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“I might not have my full WarMage arsenal at my fingertips right now, but cornered dads are historically very bad news.”
― Alex Savage, The WarMage of Arkley

tags: fatherhood, humor, litrpg

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“The morning after every apocalypse I have ever witnessed, someone had to make the breakfast.”
― Alex Savage, The WarMage of Arkley 2

tags: fatherhood, humor, litrpg

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“In this house, fine can also be what you say when you want to be asked three follow-up questions and given a cookie.”
― Alex Savage, The WarMage of Arkley 2

tags: fatherhood, humor, litrpg

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“We got the milk. Whatever else that day was, the milk got bought, because the trick to all this, and I say this as a man holding down both halves of it, is that you don’t get to drop the groceries just because the monsters are at the gate.”
― Alex Savage, The WarMage of Arkley 3

tags: fatherhood, humor, litrpg

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“There are forty thousand ways to decline a cup. I have modelled all of them. In every single one, I look like a System who has been bested by a baked good.”
― Alex Savage, The WarMage of Arkley 3

tags: fatherhood, humor, litrpg

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“Kids don’t trade in comforting lies. They build the real thing right in front of you, and then they look up to see what you’re going to do about it.”
― Alex Savage, The WarMage of Arkley 3

tags: fatherhood, humor, litrpg

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“Small towns. They'll kill you fast or slow, depending on how you take the bleeding.”
― Alex Savage, Monster Girl Sheriff: A Men's Urban Fantasy Harem LitRPG

tags: humor, litrpg, noir

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“Pleasant Bottom was a place that kept its monsters where it used to keep the money.”
― Alex Savage, Monster Girl Sheriff: A Men's Urban Fantasy Harem LitRPG

tags: humor, litrpg, noir

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“I'd like it on the record that a demonic administrator put an ellipsis in front of a concession.”
― Alex Savage, Monster Girl Sheriff: A Men's Urban Fantasy Harem LitRPG

tags: humor, litrpg, noir

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“Dave is not home at the moment. Please leave a message after the beep. Beeeeeppppp . . .”
― Bosloe, One Flew Over the Dragon's Nest

tags: fantasy, humor, litrpg

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“You read them? Are you insane? No one ever reads the terms and conditions."
"No, I am just methodical. There are three main ones. 5.3, 7.8, and 12.8 Subclause 1.2.”
― Bosloe, One Flew Over the Dragon's Nest

tags: fantasy, humor, litrpg

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“I was being facetious."
"Oh. I see. Very good. You are learning well. I prefer sarcasm over facetiousness."
SJ sighed deeply. "I would never have guessed.”
― Bosloe, One Flew Over the Dragon's Nest

tags: fantasy, humor, litrpg

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“Stop calling me Legionnaire; my name is SJ."
"Let me check my protocols. It has been some time since I last looked after a newborn.”
― Bosloe, One Flew Over the Dragon's Nest

tags: fantasy, humor, litrpg

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“Nine out of ten? I was eight and a half out of ten last time," SJ replied, grinning.
"Did I say nine? I meant seven.”
― Bosloe, One Flew Over the Dragon's Nest

tags: fantasy, humor, litrpg

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