Eileen > Eileen's Quotes

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#1

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.”
― Bernard M. Baruch

tags: ataraxy, be-yourself, confidence, fitting-in, individuality, misattributed-dr-seuss, those-who-matter

130222 likes

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#3

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
― Oscar Wilde

tags: attributed-no-source, be-yourself, gilbert-perreira, honesty, inspirational, misattributed-oscar-wilde, quote-investigator

177221 likes

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#4

“Shee, you guys are so unhip it's a wonder your bums don't fall off.”
― Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe

tags: humor

149 likes

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#5

“The quality of any advice anybody has to offer has to be judged against the quality of life they actually lead.”
― Douglas Adams, The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide: Five Complete Novels and One Story

tags: advice

347 likes

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#7

“Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.”
― Lao Tzu

1407 likes

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#8

“When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete, everyone will respect you.”
― Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

tags: ataraxy, be-yourself, integrity, self-reliance, self-respect

3207 likes

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#9

“The best fighter is never angry.”
― Lao Tzu

2123 likes

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#10

“Care about what other people think and you will always be their prisoner.”
― Lao Tzu

1723 likes

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#11

“A good traveler leaves no tracks. Good speech lacks fault-finding.”
― Lao Tzu

77 likes

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#12

“So the unwanting soul
sees what's hidden,
and the ever-wanting soul
sees only what it wants.”
― Lao Tzu

tags: greed, soul

285 likes

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#13

“Be like water.”
― Lao Tzu

85 likes

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#15

“The trouble with aggressive nonsmokers is that they feel they are doing you a favor by not allowing you to smoke. They seem to think that one day you'll look back and thank them for those precious fifteen seconds they just added to your life. What they don't understand is that those are just fifteen more seconds you can spend hating their guts and plotting revenge.”
― David Sedaris, Barrel Fever: Stories and Essays

tags: funny, humor, joke, vindictive

62 likes

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#16

“When asked "What do we need to learn this for?" any high-school teacher can confidently answer that, regardless of the subject, the knowledge will come in handy once the student hits middle age and starts working crossword puzzles in order to stave off the terrible loneliness.”
― David Sedaris, Me Talk Pretty One Day

tags: education

276 likes

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#17

“Shit is the tofu of cursing and can be molded to whichever condition the speaker desires. Hot as shit. Windy as shit. I myself was confounded as shit...”
― David Sedaris

tags: profanity, shit, swearing, tofu

389 likes

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#18

“He took a sip of my father’s weak coffee and spit it back into the mug. "This shit’s like making love in a canoe."
"Excuse me?"
"It’s fucking near water.”
― David Sedaris, Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim

552 likes

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#19

“I haven't the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out.”
― David Sedaris, Naked

tags: changing-others

990 likes

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#20

“Everyone looks retarded once you set your mind to it.”
― David Sedaris

tags: humor, perception, retardation

1415 likes

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#21

“If you're looking for sympathy you'll find it between shit and syphilis in the dictionary.”
― David Sedaris, Barrel Fever: Stories and Essays

tags: sympathy

6313 likes

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#22

“Boys who spent their weekends making banana nut muffins did not, as a rule, excel in the art of hand-to-hand combat.”
― David Sedaris, Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim

tags: gender-stereotypes, machismo, masculinity

218 likes

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#23

“He die one day, and then he go above of my head to live with your father."
He weared the long hair, and after he died, the first day he come back here for to say hello to the peoples."
He nice, the Jesus.”
― David Sedaris, Me Talk Pretty One Day

tags: humor, religion

26 likes

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#24

“When shit brings you down, just say 'fuck it', and eat yourself some motherfucking candy.”
― David Sedaris, Me Talk Pretty One Day

tags: cursing, expletives, the-rooster

607 likes

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#25

“but I have no mind for business and considered staying awake to be enough of an accomplishment.”
― David Sedaris, Me Talk Pretty One Day

tags: humor, inspiration, lazy, motivation, work-ethic

41 likes

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#26

“He's as nutty as a vegan T-bone.”
― David Sedaris

tags: crazy, simile, vegan

28 likes

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#27

“I can't seem to fathom that the things important to me are not important to other people as well, and so I come off sounding like a missionary, someone whose job it is to convert rather than listen.”
― David Sedaris

tags: humor-relationships

21 likes

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#28

“It's safe to assume that by 2085 guns will be sold in vending machines but you won't be able to smoke anywhere in America.”
― David Sedaris, When You Are Engulfed in Flames

tags: america, humor

129 likes

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Tags From Eileen’s Quotes

ataraxy
be-yourself
confidence
fitting-in
individuality
misattributed-dr-seuss
those-who-matter
attributed-no-source
gilbert-perreira
honesty
inspirational
misattributed-oscar-wilde
quote-investigator
humor
advice
integrity
self-reliance
self-respect
greed
soul
funny
joke
vindictive
education
profanity
shit
swearing
tofu
changing-others
perception
retardation
sympathy
gender-stereotypes
machismo
masculinity
religion
cursing
expletives
the-rooster
inspiration
lazy
motivation
work-ethic
crazy
simile
vegan
humor-relationships
america