Jay > Jay's Quotes

“What kind of man eats your fish when you won't sleep with him?”
― Stephanie Rowe, Kiss at Your Own Risk

“I suggest we depict penguins as callous and unfeeling creatures who insist on bringing up their children in what is little more than a large chest freezer.”
― Jasper Fforde, Something Rotten

“Dan, rabbits who've been fed oysters laced with Viagra don't like sex as much as you do.”
― Matt Dunn, The Ex-Boyfriend's Handbook

“For a taste that's a bit more distinct, eat a bird before it's extinct.”
― Jasper Fforde, Something Rotten

“If the real world were a book, it would never find a publisher. Overlong, detailed to the point of distraction-and ultimately, without a major resolution.”
― Jasper Fforde, Something Rotten

“With that, I lost a job I was desperate to quit.”
― Kathleen Flinn, The Sharper Your Knife, the Less You Cry: Love, Laughter, and Tears at the World's Most Famous Cooking School

“Working at a job you don't like is the same as going to prison every day," my father used to say.”
― Kathleen Flinn, The Sharper Your Knife, the Less You Cry: Love, Laughter, and Tears at the World's Most Famous Cooking School

“If someone figured out a way to bottle woman-been-wronged, they’d make a fortune.”
― Catherine McKenzie, Arranged

“Krystal’s slow passage up the school had resembled the passage of a goat through the body of a boa constrictor, being highly visible and uncomfortable for both parties concerned.”
― J.K. Rowling, The Casual Vacancy

“You should know I disagree with a lot of traditional advice. For instance, they say the best revenge is living well. I say it’s acid in the face—who will love them now?”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“Another old saying is that revenge is a dish best served cold. But it feels best served piping hot, straight out of the oven of outrage. My opinion? Take care of revenge right away.”
― Mindy Kaling, Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?

“Cats aren't really friendly, they're just cozying up to the dominant life-form as a hedge against extinction.”
― Jasper Fforde, The Last Dragonslayer

“Sometimes choice is a luxury that fate does not afford us.”
― Jasper Fforde, The Last Dragonslayer

“Growth purely for its own sake is the philosophy of cancer.”
― Jasper Fforde, Lost in a Good Book

“Death doesn't care about personalities - he's more interested in meeting quotas.”
― Jasper Fforde, Something Rotten

“Talk of “types” should probably end around the same time you stop having pin-ups on your wall.”
― Mhairi McFarlane, You Had Me At Hello

“I’m a lawyer, Rachel. We keep going until we get an answer we believe.”
― Mhairi McFarlane, You Had Me At Hello

“I don’t understand. How can a credit card ever be rejected? It’s not like it’s a kidney!” Colette laughed.”
― Kevin Kwan, China Rich Girlfriend

“After drinking too many banana daiquiris, Miranda staggered into a beachside tattoo parlor in Gulf Shores, Alabama, and got the Chinese symbols for "peace" and "harmony" tattooed on her ankle. Years later she discovered the symbols actually translated to "rabbit nephew," and she cried for three days.”
― Kirker Butler, Pretty Ugly

“If you can avoid a fight, do it. But if you can't, then find your opponent's most vulnerable spot and hit them here hard, fast, and often. The worst thing you can do is let a fight escalate. Shut it down as soon as you can. And remember, there is no such thing as fighting dirty. You either kick their ass, or have yours handed to you.”
― Kirker Butler, Pretty Ugly

“For the first four, nearly five, years of their lives, I’d had complete understanding of my sons’ brains. Every animal Cap identified—I knew where he’d learned it. Every food Leo liked—I knew when he’d first tasted it. Every word they used came from me or a book we’d read together. Even as they started to have their own thoughts and ideas—“I’m a doggie, and you’re the mommy doggie, and we’re going to fall in the mud”—I could source the books and experiences they were mixing and matching.”
― Hilary Liftin, Movie Star by Lizzie Pepper

“I was always just smart enough to get a good grade without actually learning anything. I was an expert in the nonfunctional accumulation of knowledge.”
― Erich Wurster, The Coaster

“In death the negro became a human being. Only then was he the white man’s equal.”
― Colson Whitehead, The Underground Railroad

“Here was the true Great Spirit, the divine thread connecting all human endeavor - if you can keep it, it is yours. Your property, slave or continent. The American Imperative.”
― Colson Whitehead, The Underground Railroad

“You know how white people do, they just encourage and cheer anybody who lets it all hang out and just don't give a fuck.”
― Tiffany Haddish, The Last Black Unicorn

“His brain sits before its cash register again, charging him for old shames as if he has not paid before”
― Andrew Sean Greer, Less

“There are always a few drops left in the bottle of indignity.”
― Andrew Sean Greer, Less

“The garden was planted four hundred years ago, when the surrounding area was poplar." The woman makes a sweeping gesture, and he nods in appreciation.
"And now," Less says, "it's unpoplar.”
― Andrew Sean Greer, Less

“This big ol' world and we only get to go through it once. The saddest thing there is, you ask me.”
― Brit Bennett, The Vanishing Half