Sam > Sam's Quotes

“Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore,
And that's what parents were created for.”
― Ogden Nash

“Reading furnishes the mind only with materials of knowledge; it is thinking that makes what we read ours.”
― John Locke

“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”
― Marilyn Monroe

“You've gotta dance like there's nobody watching,
Love like you'll never be hurt,
Sing like there's nobody listening,
And live like it's heaven on earth.”
― William W. Purkey

“The difference between sex and love is that sex relieves tension and love causes it.”
― Woody Allen

“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.”
― George Carlin

“When God Created Mothers"

When the Good Lord was creating mothers, He was into His sixth day of "overtime" when the angel appeared and said. "You're doing a lot of fiddling around on this one."

And God said, "Have you read the specs on this order?" She has to be completely washable, but not plastic. Have 180 moveable parts...all replaceable. Run on black coffee and leftovers. Have a lap that disappears when she stands up. A kiss that can cure anything from a broken leg to a disappointed love affair. And six pairs of hands."

The angel shook her head slowly and said. "Six pairs of hands.... no way."

It's not the hands that are causing me problems," God remarked, "it's the three pairs of eyes that mothers have to have."

That's on the standard model?" asked the angel. God nodded.

One pair that sees through closed doors when she asks, 'What are you kids doing in there?' when she already knows. Another here in the back of her head that sees what she shouldn't but what she has to know, and of course the ones here in front that can look at a child when he goofs up and say. 'I understand and I love you' without so much as uttering a word."

God," said the angel touching his sleeve gently, "Get some rest tomorrow...."

I can't," said God, "I'm so close to creating something so close to myself. Already I have one who heals herself when she is sick...can feed a family of six on one pound of hamburger...and can get a nine year old to stand under a shower."

The angel circled the model of a mother very slowly. "It's too soft," she sighed.

But tough!" said God excitedly. "You can imagine what this mother can do or endure."

Can it think?"

Not only can it think, but it can reason and compromise," said the Creator.

Finally, the angel bent over and ran her finger across the cheek.

There's a leak," she pronounced. "I told You that You were trying to put too much into this model."

It's not a leak," said the Lord, "It's a tear."

What's it for?"

It's for joy, sadness, disappointment, pain, loneliness, and pride."

You are a genius, " said the angel.

Somberly, God said, "I didn't put it there.”
― Erma Bombeck, When God Created Mothers

“Children must be taught how to think, not what to think.”
― Margaret Mead

“When kids hit 1 year old, it's like hanging out with a miniature drunk. You have to hold onto them. They bump into things. They laugh and cry. They urinate. They vomit.”
― Johnny Depp

“The way I wrestle five-year-olds makes me think if I were ever attacked by a pack of midgets, I’d be OK.
”
― Jarod Kintz, $3.33

“Nothing you do for children is ever wasted.”
― Garrison Keillor, Leaving Home

“If I'm sincere today, what does it matter if I regret it tomorrow?”
― José Saramago, Blindness

“I was a late bloomer. But anyone who blooms at all, ever, is very lucky.”
― Sharon Olds

“I had purchased a one-way ticket on the crazy train, barreling straight toward heartbreak central.”
― Arabella Quinn, Crazy

“I was wise enough never to grow up, while fooling people into believing I had.”
― Margaret Mead

“Accept who you are. Unless you're a serial killer.”
― Ellen DeGeneres, Seriously... I'm Kidding

“Hold fast to dreams,
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird,
That cannot fly.”
― Langston Hughes

“It's amazing how a little tomorrow can make up for a whole lot of yesterday.”
― John Guare, Landscape of the Body

“It’s hot, and I can feel sweat beads starting to gather between my new breasts. It’s funny, I’m still getting used to actually having something decent on my chest. It kind of sucks not being able to sleep on my front, though. Once this is all over, I’m definitely getting them reduced.”
― Lili St. Germain, Seven Sons

“There are too many books I haven’t read, too many places I haven’t seen, too many memories I haven’t kept long enough.”
― Irwin Shaw

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.”
― Bernard M. Baruch

“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
― Oscar Wilde

“In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.”
― Robert Frost

“Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.”
― Oscar Wilde

“It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.”
― Andre Gide, Autumn Leaves

“You’re dangerous,” he says.
“Why?”
“Because you make me believe in the impossible”
― Simone Elkeles, Rules of Attraction

“Sometimes I wonder if there's something wrong with me. Perhaps I've spent too long in the company of my literary romantic heroes, and consequently my ideals and expectations are far too high.”
― E.L. James, Fifty Shades of Grey

“I wonder how many people don't get the one they want, but end up with the one they're supposed to be with.”
― Fannie Flagg, Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe

“You wanted hearts and flowers,” he murmurs.
I blink at him, not quite believing what I’m seeing.
“You have my heart.” And he waves toward the room.
“And here are the flowers,” I whisper, completing his sentence. “Christian, it’s lovely.”
― E.L. James, Fifty Shades Darker

“If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.”
― Oprah Winfrey