Santa Claus Quotes

Quotes tagged as "santa-claus" Showing 1-30 of 87
George Carlin
“The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.”
George Carlin

Criss Jami
“The reality of loving God is loving him like he's a Superhero who actually saved you from stuff rather than a Santa Claus who merely gave you some stuff.”
Criss Jami, Killosophy

H.L. Mencken
“It is often argued that religion is valuable because it makes men good, but even if this were true it would not be a proof that religion is true. That would be an extension of pragmatism beyond endurance. Santa Claus makes children good in precisely the same way, and yet no one would argue seriously that the fact proves his existence. The defense of religion is full of such logical imbecilities. The theologians, taking one with another, are adept logicians, but every now and then they have to resort to sophistries so obvious that their whole case takes on an air of the ridiculous. Even the most logical religion starts out with patently false assumptions. It is often argued in support of this or that one that men are so devoted to it that they are willing to die for it. That, of course, is as silly as the Santa Claus proof. Other men are just as devoted to manifestly false religions, and just as willing to die for them. Every theologian spends a large part of his time and energy trying to prove that religions for which multitudes of honest men have fought and died are false, wicked, and against God.”
H.L. Mencken, Minority Report

David Sedaris
“On a busy day twenty-two thousand people come to visit Santa, and I was told that it is an elf's lot to remain merry in the face of torment and adversity. I promised to keep that in mind.”
david sedaris

Chuck Palahniuk
“By first believing in Santa Claus, then the Easter Bunny, then the Tooth Fairy, Rant Casey was recognizing that those myths are more than pretty stories and traditions to delight children. Or to modify behavior. Each of those three traditions asks a child to believe in the impossible in exchange for a reward. These are stepped-up tests to build a child's faith and imagination. The first test is to believe in a magical person, with toys as the reward. The second test is to trust in a magical animal, with candy as the reward. The last test is the most difficult, with the most abstract reward: To believe, trust in a flying fairy that will leave money.

From a man to an animal to a fairy.

From toys to candy to money. Thus, interestingly enough, transferring the magic of faith and trust from sparkling fairy-dom to clumsy, tarnished coins. From gossamer wings to nickels... dimes... and quarters.

In this way, a child is stepped up to greater feats of imagination and faith as he or she matures. Beginning with Santa in infancy, and ending with the Tooth Fairy as the child acquires adult teeth. Or, plainly put, beginning with all the possibility of childhood, and ending with an absolute trust in the national currency. ”
Chuck Palahniuk, Rant

Francis Pharcellus Church
“Not believe in Santa Claus! You might as well not believe in fairies!”
Francis P. Church

Shirley Temple Black
“I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.”
Shirley Temple Black

Bil Keane
“God put Santa Claus on earth to remind us that Christmas is 'sposed to be a happy time.”
Bil Keane, Jeffy's Lookin' at Me

Andy Rooney
“We all ought to understand we're on our own. Believing in Santa Claus doesn't do kids any harm for a few years but it isn't smart for them to continue waiting all their lives for him to come down the chimney with something wonderful. Santa Claus and God are cousins.”
Andy Rooney, Sincerely, Andy Rooney

Vera Nazarian
“Once upon a time, the Reindeer took a running leap and jumped over the Northern Lights.

But he jumped too low, and the long fur of his beautiful flowing tail got singed by the rainbow fires of the aurora.

To this day the reindeer has no tail to speak of. But he is too busy pulling the Important Sleigh to notice what is lost. And he certainly doesn’t complain.

What's your excuse?”
Vera Nazarian, The Perpetual Calendar of Inspiration

Charles M. Schulz
“You know, in a way, 'Dear Santa Claus' is rather stuffy... Perhaps something a little more intimate would be better... Something just a shade more friendly..."
"How about 'Dear Fatty'?”
Charles M. Schulz, The Complete Peanuts, Vol. 5: 1959-1960

“You believe in love, just as a child believes in Santa Claus or a fairy tale.”
“What is love then, if not a fairy tale meant for adults?”
Abhaidev, That Thing About You

On Christmas. "Santa Claus represents God on assistance," said Clyde.

"Santa Claus is a negative-idealed god, the pagan god of material worship," Leon stated. "Christmas means the rebirth, regeneration. Some people have Christmas every day. The Christmas tree stands up and either the wife trims it or they trim it together with righteous-idealed sexual intercourse. Or the husband prays to God through his Christmas tree and trims his bodily Christmas tree. Christ-mast; the mast of Christ, the upstanding penis—that's what it means to me."

"Santa Claus is a good symbolization for Christmas," said Joseph. "Department stores, shopping, the coming of the New Year. Christmas means better business in the stores.”
Milton Rokeach, The Three Christs of Ypsilanti: A Psychological Study

Thomm Quackenbush
“Isn’t Santa just a stand in for the society that has locked them up for formative years? Something that watches and judges, telling them that they got what they deserved based on their behavior? Surely they have to have noticed that Saint Nick, like the judicial system itself, tends to look more favorably upon rich children. He is fat, white, past middle age, and holds all the cards.”
Thomm Quackenbush, A Creature Was Stirring

Alain Bremond-Torrent
“Father xmas is like the love from a prostitute, it doesn’t exist and it makes you spend loads of money.”
Alain Bremond-Torrent, running is flying intermittently

“You know you're getting old when Santa starts looking younger.”
Robert Paul

John Crowley
“When he received these communications, Santa drew the claws of his spectacles from behind his eyes and pressed the sore place on the bridge of his nose with thumb and finger. What was it they expected him to do with these? A shotgun, a bear, snowshoes, some pretty things and some useful: well, all right. But for the rest of it . . . He just didn't know what people were thinking anymore. But it was growing late; if they, or anyone else, were disappointed in him tomorrow, it wouldn't be the first time. He took his furred hat from its peg and drew on his gloves. He went out, already unaccountably weary though the journey had not even begun, into the multicolored arctic waste beneath a decillion stars, whose near brilliance seemed to chime, even as the harness of his reindeer chimed when they raised their shaggy heads at his approach, and as the eternal snow chimed too when he trod it with his booted feet.”
John Crowley, Little, Big

James Barbato
“My name is JJ and I would like to welcome you to the happiest place in the world, Santa's workshop.”
James Barbato, The Magic Christmas Ornament

James Barbato
“She could not believe how lucky she was to have an ornament from Santa's own tree.”
James Barbato, The Magic Christmas Ornament

Stewart Stafford
“All I want for Christmas is my belief in Santa returned to me, preferably with URGENT written on it.”
Stewart Stafford

Stewart Stafford
“One Christmas Eve in my childhood, my dad asked if I wanted to leave alcohol out for Santa. I agreed but said to only leave a little as I was afraid I'd wake up on Christmas morning and see Santa drunkenly circling over our house in his sleigh.”
Stewart Stafford

Ella Griffin
“The air was so frigid that it almost hurt to breathe. They wrapped their arms around one another and thought of all the Christmas cracker jokes they could remember to distract themselves from the cold. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite. What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic. Why did Santa go into therapy? Because he suffered from low elf-esteem.”
Ella Griffin, The Flower Arrangement

Will Leamon
“Some of us still believe there is a Santa Claus...somewhere”
Will Leamon

“Santa: Through 4000 years of rich tradition Santas have revealed a selfless love exemplifying the true meaning of Christmas.”
Duncan Royale, History of Santa Claus

J.S. Mason
“Santa was sweating, so much so that he realized that his coat was in no way indicative of a man who acclimated to changing temperature conditions”
J.S. Mason, The Ghost Therapist...And Other Grand Delights

Michael Bassey Johnson
“The true beauty of Christmas is revealed when we adore the season, not like some weary adult, but like a bubbly little child.”
Michael Bassey Johnson, The Book of Maxims, Poems and Anecdotes

James Hauenstein
“I knew it was time to shave the beard off and start an exercise regimen when I was asked to play Santa at the Christmas party this year!”
James Hauenstein

Ljupka Cvetanova
“Be ware! Santa Claus is a fake profile.”
Ljupka Cvetanova, The New Land

Enid Blyton
“How queer old customs are, with their histories reaching so far back into the past,” said Susan. “Our life isn’t all in the present, is it, Santa Claus? It is made up of thousands of bits of the past, old things that happened, old names, old habits. The past and the present and the future all belong to one another.”

“Of course,” said Santa Claus. “And we ought to live in them all, not just thoughtlessly in the present. We ought to know our past, and we ought to plan for our future. Then the present would always be worth living in.”
Enid Blyton, The Enid Blyton Holiday Book

Abhijit Naskar
“Christmas Sonnet

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way,
Oh, what fun it is to give our own life away!
Saint Nicholas did his part, so did Chris himself,
Now it's time for us to be the happiness gateway.
Dashing through the alleys devoid of lights,
Holding up high as beacon, our own heart,
Breaking ourselves to pieces and burning to ashes,
We'll ensure no one lacks the love a human deserves.
We are Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen and Comet,
We are Cupid, Donner, Blitzen and Rudolph.
We are also modern day Nick, Chris and Eckhart,
By our love and oneness let the world be engulfed!
Twelve days ain't enough to celebrate Christmas.
As humans we must live each day helping others.”
Abhijit Naskar, Giants in Jeans: 100 Sonnets of United Earth

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