Chris’s Comments (group member since Nov 04, 2015)

Chris’s comments from the Science Fiction Microstory Contest group.

Review of: The Pirates of Ceres by Jon

Excerpts of an opera set in space, “The Pirates of Ceres” is the tale of a man, Devin, tricked into piracy then regretting his decision. As a penance for rejecting the pirate way, the pirate king threatens to kill Devin and his love, described only as the ‘red headed woman.’ Sucked into an open airlock, she is rescued at the last minute by an interstellar police officer, who saves the day and offers Devin a place in law enforcement.
(Honestly, writing a review of such a silly opera in such a serious way seems ludicrous. – lol)

What I loved: I loved format – an actual space-opera.

What I liked: I liked the little blurbs at the beginning and the end. It added some depth and additional silliness to the piece.

My Favorite Sentence (stanza, in this case). This was so ridiculously over the top I actually laughed:
And save my seemingly lost
But voluptuous and heavy-breasted body
(Which hath in fact
Swine Pirate King
Already won many beauty contests
Quite fairly and justly
Throughout the Sol System
HaHa!)
From the vacuum of which I am pullst!

What I didn’t connect with: Some of the piece is more allegorical than literal, flowery and poetic, which took me a couple of read-throughs to get the gist of the story. Still a funny read, though.

Final Impression: This was a very funny, light hearted take on the space opera theme.

Review of: Red Eye by Greg

Captain Quincy has a tale to tell and just 20 hours to get it right. For eighteen months he’d been premiering a space opera, a parody of the adventures of the notorious Captain Red Eye. It included one beauty queen as the main character, who was terrible by the way, and a series of method actors who, for some odd reason, never seemed to break character. So, for a year and a half, their crew, also actors, toured the galaxy, and the reviews were good, all except for their beauty queen, that is. Even so, Captain Quincy knew that if the real Captain Red Eye found out, there would be a reckoning. Then, on their tour of the outer rim, Red Eye’s ship, the Black Avatar ambushes Quincy and his crew. Expecting a brutal and untimely death, Quincy quickly discovers that the very same actors portraying Captain Red Eye his men were the actual crew and captain all along, leaving our protagonist with a nearly unbelievable tale to tell.

What I loved: I loved the description of the crew/actors. The small details about each of them made this piece very entertaining.

What I liked: I enjoyed the twist at the end and didn’t see it coming.

My Favorite Sentence:
‘Captain Red-Eye fired away until the power cell of his blaster was empty, laughing maniacally.’

What I didn’t connect with: The conclusion was just a bit shaky. It took me a couple of read-throughs to get where you were going.

Final Impression: Red Eye is a colorfully written story with entertaining characters and a surprising twist in the end.

Yup. I read it and really enjoyed it. It was definitely a great read. :)

C. wrote: "Chris wrote: "Review of: A Big Night Out by C.

A bit of fan-fiction, Dave is a human on the Klingon world of Kronos, there to negotiate a proposal on antimatter injectors. Settling his business ho..."

Ha! I'll admit my ignorance to the subtleties of certain worldly/unspeakable things. Lol.

For what my humble opinion is worth, I noticed their hadn't been any reviews this month, so I posted some on the critique thread. As always, I hope they're interpreted as constructive. That is all. ;)

Review of: Jolly by Marianne

The captain of an all-female crew, Fiona receives word of a beauty pageant. Bored of their regular drudgery, she means to enter, and sends word throughout the ship that any crew-member who is willing may also participate. Excited by the prospect, Captain Fiona is suddenly discouraged to learn the contest is closed to them because they're pirates. So, she lands the crew anyways and parades her crew in front of an unwilling though genuinely captive audience.

What I loved: I really like the eccentricity of the characters in this story. Very captivating.

What I liked: As usual, the writing is solid and very expressive, a flowing piece for an enjoyable read.

My Favorite Sentence:
‘Stirred by the phrase, First Mate Quacklestein put her plumed pirate hat over her flat chest, and launched into their anthem, her reedy soprano making the heating tiles above the Captain’s bed of rock vibrate. ’

What I didn’t connect with: I was a little unsure about the ending. I didn’t quite grasp the “feed and act on my desires” and the nature of the violet energy. For me, I understood the ending, but it was a little nebulous… a bit too vague.

Final Impression: This is creative tale, imaginatively written with a colorful narrative, though it leaves me with some questions in the end.

Review of: Belorko by Kalifer

High Commissioner Belorko is a rabble-rouser who thinks himself a sovereign. Self-proclaimed, he is the joke of the galaxy and is called out by a GNN comentator, Tom Twitch, who reviles the man with disdain. Still, despite his rantings, the man holds some sway. So, Tom has the novel idea to stage a pirate beauty contest, and millions of applicants apply. Narrowed down to the final 100, he uses their notoriety to slander Berloko by every means available. In response, the High Commissioner rallies his own supporters and invites the “pirates” to the milieu, then proceeds to slaughter them without prejudice. Feeling himself responsible, Tom is remorsefully forced into retreat where he learns that Belorko has been assassinated, democracy ended, and their fate surrendered to Tom’s robotic assistant.

What I loved: I enjoyed Belorko as a character, a Nero-type antagonist ready to watch the galaxy burn.

What I liked: Your concept, a personal antagonism between a politician and a news commentator, was intriguing and particularly poignant given today’s political climate.

My Favorite Sentence:
‘High Commissioner Belorko of the High Council, in his silk pajamas, imprinted with his own once youthful likeness repeated throughout, tweeted, “I proclaim, I am The Master of the Universe!”’

What I didn’t connect with: I thought the ending was a little disjointed and a bit rushed. Belorko’s death was almost too sudden and generally unexplained. I also didn't quite relate to their trusting Cybele with the future of the galaxy. There just wasn't enough back-story there. Then again, there is that pesky word limit.

Final Impression: This is an entertaining though tragic tale, a colorful narrative reflective of real world themes.

Review of: Prates of the Malleteans by Justin

Captain Esperanto is the beleaguered captain of a garbage scow whom fate has forgotten, destined to haul toxic waste in a broken-down ship. Then, chance offers him an opportunity at redemption when his crew stumbles upon a distress call from a ship under attack by pirates. Knowing full-well their ship his under-gunned, he charges in anyways, using his wits to subdue the pirates and rescuing the damsels in distress.

What I loved: I really loved your opening paragraph. Very well written and it captures the reader.

What I liked: I enjoyed your adventure element and the unexpected, roundabout way Esperanto actually uses his ship to defeat the pirates.

My Favorite Sentence:
‘Once a promising graduate of the Fleet Academy, he had watched helplessly as opportunity deserted him like a faithless lover.’

What I didn’t connect with: A simple piece, I really didn’t have any elements I didn’t connect with.

Final Impression: This is a fun rescue adventure which leaves you rooting for the downtrodden captain and his crew.

Review of: A Matter of Principle by Jack

The End of All Things has been cancelled, not an easy decision, but made nonetheless by a Universe unsure of itself. Our protagonist, disappointed at the cancellation, laments the continuation of All Things through contemplation on a quiet beach. Next, our story cuts to the ephemeral galactic characters of the Milky Way, star systems puzzling over why their galaxy was spared and recruiting interstellar reporters to get to the bottom of it. Then, we cut back to our main character, visited by the alien journalist who reveal the End of All Things was cancelled due a desire to spare the actress Phoebe Cates.

What I loved: I really enjoyed the style this piece, echoes of ‘The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy’ in its peculiarity.

What I liked: The narrative was very quirky and complex. Definitely a unique story.

My Favorite Sentence:
‘The Universe, she’d learned, with its morose sense of humor, had shrugged, rolled its eyes at the insignificant, blue-green detritus hanging on the edge of one of its ordinary galaxies, and decided it would be a waste of energy.’

What I didn’t connect with: For me, while the writing was strong, the utilization of the pirate element and beauty contest element was weak.

Final Impression: This is a quirky story with a very creative narrative.

Review of: The Big Score by Tom

The Crooked Cutlass is a ship in a dry spell. With a tired captain and a worn out crew, they scour the spiral arm for bounty and booty. For better or worse, they discover both when they stumble upon an old freighter pocked with meteorite impacts and hauling an unusual cargo – enough fuel to retire and some of the most beautiful women they’d ever seen. In the end, however, it’s the pirates who become the victims, pawns of an elaborate scheme by the cargo-ship’s owner to allure the crew into planting their seeds in the daughters of her Earth-side clients.

What I loved: I really loved Captain Klaus’s portrayal and his stumbling interaction with his mechanical parrot.

What I liked: You were able to paint a colorful backdrop for your story and, despite the limited word count, I was really able to get a feel for your character and their surroundings. I also enjoyed your ironic twist in the end.

My Favorite Sentence:
‘Oh, how he missed the good old days, when the spiral arm was a wild, lawless frontier, inter-system ore and fuel transports easy pickings.’

What I didn’t connect with: I wasn’t quite clear about the conclusion of the story. How did the pirates’ impregnating of the daughters create anchor babies? I’m not sure if you were implying that the pirate crews were the rich son-in laws? If so, would they all so willingly give up their life of piracy and settle down? And would their wealth come from sale of the fuel? I’m not sure. The end was a little unclear.

Final Impression: This is a fun story with a colorful narrative, effectively capturing the ‘pirate’ element and adding a twist of irony to the end.

Review of: The Night of Drag by Jot

The crew of a remote tug has some fun with a gender swapping beauty contest. Their revelry is short lived however as an impending asteroid heads for their port, Ceres-1, and the tugs are forced into an emergency launch, evading a rock set loose by a pirated tug, commandeered by a terrorist. Clever piloting by the crew of Virginia-7, followed by support from sister ship Norway-4, averts certain disaster in the end and saves the day.

What I loved: I really liked the technical descriptions of the fight, including the countdown and speed of impact. It was a small detail that added believability. The climax of the work, blasting into space and saving the day, was a fun read.

What I liked: I enjoyed the dialogue, which I thought was very convincing and realistic. I also enjoyed the spin-off from the novel ‘Terra Forma’, which helped me connect with this piece.

My Favorite Sentence:
‘The packed crowd irked on the couple as they remove their clothes behind a screen that only displayed their shadowy silhouette to the on-watchers.’

What I didn’t connect with: I really enjoyed this story, but I suspect it may be just a bit confusing for the casual reader, without the background of the larger story upon which it’s based.

Final Impression: This is a fun adventure with enjoyable characters and a solid action sequence.

Review of: A Big Night Out by C.

A bit of fan-fiction, Dave is a human on the Klingon world of Kronos, there to negotiate a proposal on antimatter injectors. Settling his business honorably, he is treated to drinks and entertainment in a Klingon bar, when one of the performers catches his eye. As a special treat, his alien companions arrange for him to meet the woman for which he is so enraptured and he is amazed to discover her surprising talent, the ability to sexually service him, while at the same time reciting a Klingon opera. He becomes so enraptured, he returns for a second encounter and seemingly discovers her unexpected secret.

What I loved: I really liked your description of the bar and its setting.

What I liked: I enjoyed the fan-fiction element, which made the piece more relatable, given there is ample existing back-ground for the story.

My Favorite Sentence:
‘While Dave and his two boisterous hosts celebrated their large transaction, the club proprietor introduced a series of floor shows, waving a double bladed knife around for effect.’

What I didn’t connect with: I must have missed something, because I didn’t understand the ending. How did the handheld glass eyeball relate to the story and how did that explain her talent?

Final Impression: This is a colorfully written piece with relatable characters, though the ending left me a bit confused.

Review of: The Decision Maker by Karl

Admiral Black is a man with a gift – the uncanny ability to predict the right outcome, against seemingly insurmountable odds. His men marvel at his ability, his intuition. Tasked with the honor of judging an alien beauty contest, the Admiral must make the difficult choice between three identical contestants. Low on options, he turns to the same criteria which had saved him countless times in other arenas, an algorithm which really relies more on luck than analytics.

What I loved: This is a very clever story with an amusing ending.

What I liked: I enjoyed how you set your character up as having some sort of supernatural intuition.

My Favorite Sentence:
‘But, just as he had done in the past when he picked out the pirate-bot command ship from a proverbial haystack, and when he chose the yellow wire that saved nine inhabited worlds, Admiral Black confidently initiated the long-forgotten human decision-making process that had served him so well over his lengthy career.’

What I didn’t connect with: I thought this was a finely written, clever story. There really wasn’t much I didn’t understand or couldn’t relate to.

Final Impression: This is a simple, nicely written story with an unexpected twist.

Paula wrote: "Yes, every 2-3 years this group seems to go a round of "Is any science fiction except "hard" science fiction really SCIENCE fiction?" And yet little of what's called hard science fiction (that is, ..."

As long as it's sciencey and fictiony, I'm good with it. ;)

Tom wrote: "Chris wrote: "So, mine's up. Not really convinced I got the "comedic" element, but that's always been a weakness of mine. No sense of humor. ;)

My personal writing is often the space adventure ty..."

Thanks, Tom! I appreciate the encouragement! :)

So, mine's up. Not really convinced I got the "comedic" element, but that's always been a weakness of mine. No sense of humor. ;)

My personal writing is often the space adventure type, so this was a fun one for me. Great theme and elements this month Marianne! :)

More Than a Woman


“Ladies and gentlemen!” the emcee announced, twisting his curled mustache. “Finally, the moment you’ve been waiting for. This year’s winner of our Beautiful Bot Bonanza!” A dramatic pause then his arm swung wide. “...the last surviving synth of Relion Five!” The crowd cheered and he began to sing, “Isn’t she exquisite? Isn’t she top of the line? Her parts aren’t just fancy…”

“Is that her?” Sanchez whispered.

Tucked high into the shadows of the replicated Victorian theater, I peered through the electronoculars. She looked ridiculous in that gown. “That’s her, alright.”

“What the hell’s she wearing?”

“Told you they’d want to show her off, sell her parts to the highest bidder. Sick bastards.”

“You mean, like what I told you we should have done, when we found her?” He rolled onto his elbows. “I don’t understand you Captain, plenty of real girls out there – human woman. Hell, you could even get any Telaxian you’d like. I don’t get what you see in that machine.”

“You know damn well she’s more than that to me,” I scolded.

“I’m just sayin’, there’re lots of options out there.”

“Says the guy who stares at himself in the mirror for twenty minutes every morning.”

“Look at this face. Can you blame me?” he smirked.

In a way, he was right about Ellia. She was a synth, a biomechanical sentient - part organic, mostly artificial. But even from afar, her cybernetic eyes were captivating, though we certainly didn’t find her that way. We’d salvaged her fractured carapace from the ruins of her homeworld, and from the moment I installed a crude refurbished vocalizer, I knew she was something special. The kindness in her replies, the feeling in her regrets, the fact that she could accurately value stacked gold tektars on sight, were all more than factory-grade. Anyways, that was three years ago and, since then, each new job meant an upgrade. She meticulously selected humanoid components, I think to please me, and a few of them definitely did. I quickly discovered she had more passion in her electrosynapses than any other sentient I’d ever met. Sure, she could punch a hole clean through a duranium bulkhead, but that only added to her allure. Shame, her colony was caught in the crossfire, pummeled when the Bloviation Federation ambushed our armada, leaving Relion a smoking ruin. But those cowards were all talk, no walk…took off as soon as we shot back. “You ready?”

Sanchez nodded.

The crowd quieted and the emcee continued, “Ladies and gentlemen, let’s start the bidding at one million tektars!”

Virtual displays erupted with bids from all over the galaxy, more money than I’d ever seen. Then, Sanchez dropped the bomb. Tumbling end over end, it exploded above the crowd, a bioelectric pulse paralyzing every attendee and all tech instantly. It also had the unfortunate side-effect of causing complete loss of bowel control, making for a predictably uncomfortable stroll through the crowd. “Five minutes,” Sanchez explained, already over the side, down the riggings to the floor.

“About damn time!” Ellia exclaimed when we finally removed her restraints. She pulled me in and kissed me softly.

“Break it up you two,” Sanchez checked his antiquated pocket-watch. “Three minutes.”

“Right.” She went to work immediately, hacking the auction’s firewall and downloading what we came for.

“Sixty seconds.”

“Hold on!” she focused.

“Thirty seconds!”

“You’re killing me, Sanchez! Okay, got it!”

The room jumped back to life, security drones storming the crowd as terrified elites began to flee. We bolted through a nearby exit, into a lengthy side-corridor. Tossing an electronic snare, the charge caught the first few guards, but the rest kept coming. All the while, we returned fire, not really hitting anything but creating enough mayhem. Up ahead, the transparasteel of an old Victorian window separated our compartment from the vacuum of space. I grasped Ellia’s hand and hit the charges we’d set. The wall exploded, sucking us out into space and engaging our environmental shields.

In a burst, the Cursed Doubloon erupted from jump-space, our momentum carrying us cleanly into the ship’s waiting cargo hold. We hit the grav-decking hard. “See," I chuckled, pulse racing, “piece of cake.”

“And our haul?” Sanchez wondered, the crew beginning to gather.

Ellia grinned proudly, the virtual balance appearing over her open palm. “Nearly 500 billion tektars.”

They cheered and I kissed her deeply, sensing the victory in her lips. Then, Sanchez slapped me on the arm, celebrating, “I guess you were right, Captain! She’s a keeper!”

Congratulations Marianne! Great Story! :)

W. A. wrote: "Chris wrote: "Review of: Five Days in L.A. by W.A.

Los Angeles is doomed, sure to be destroyed by an imminent asteroid in a matter of moments. Play It Again Tours has capitalized on the tragedy by..."

Seriously, that 750 word limit is the biggest challenge, by far. But that's what makes this contest so interesting!

Wow, this months stories are all amazing. A tough choice!