Chris’s Comments (group member since Nov 04, 2015)

Chris’s comments from the Science Fiction Microstory Contest group.

OK. Mine's up. Hope you guys and gals like it. :)

Witness

It was unexpected, the smells different…cold, sterile.

Deep inhalation, air wafted dead, my throat ached from protracted disuse. Ancient eyes adjusted to my sight’s return and a room I barely recognized materialized before me. This wasn’t the place I’d left. A coating of dust, neglected walls, had I slept too long this time?

Centuries were like minutes, fleeting when away. The sleep of countless years, I’d lived long enough, my life in snippets. An observation or sample here, a notation there, then sleep. There was a time when dreams of immortality were only that, and its quest drove us across vast oceans, even galaxies, ultimately concluding with eternal life to be impossible, death inescapable. Even so, we’d circumvented it, prolonged inevitability in a way…used it for ourselves.

Distant ages, ancient times, just a recent memory. I was often down for centuries, so I’d become accustomed to change – eroded landscapes, crumbling ruins, the aging of things once new. Kings rose. Empires fell. The growth of mankind peaked as humanity reached the heavens.

For me, it was only yesterday, countless decades actually though, to be true. Watcher, keeper, chronicler, mine was the sleep of prolonged life, though not really, arranged to awaken when each moment was right. A witness to the ages – my obsession, my blessing, maybe my curse.

Creaking bones dragged by cramped muscles, fingers shifted first, then my arms. Weak from immobility and timelessness, I rolled onto my side, angling myself upright. Head spinning, blood vessels constricted against gravity, returning flow to my brain. At least the room was dim, easier on tired eyes.

Cold feet on a colder floor, I found my bearings, rolling my shoulders to loosen up. “How long this time?” I wondered, then supposed, “Too long.” Ambient lighting, possible daylight, crept through deeper crevasses from beyond my little alcove. It seemed I’d just retreated, the somnolence field alluring. “Oh, if my colleagues could see me now. What would they say?”

Then, reality set in. “The fools have done it again.” A heavy sigh, I eased from my bed to the closet. The once finely carved Babylonian doors were decrepit now, mostly rotted away. They dropped from the jam and broke into pieces on the stone floor. The Egyptian, Laotian, even New York designer clothing inside were neither fit for gentleman nor pauper, disintegrating in my hand. And my collection, a museum of priceless antiquities, turned to dust.

I returned to my bed, my prized somnolence field. Programmed to awaken me during times of great unrest or substantive change, an emergency lockdown suggested an unforeseen apocalypse, any additional growth quelled, nothing more to observe. That’s why I’d overslept. “A million years?” I doubted. It could have been forever, had I not been so careful every time. I always reset the alarm.

My attention turned to the vault, a genetic library contained therein, still intact and fully functional, like my bed, designed to last an eternity, if necessary. I brushed the dust away, the diagnostics thankfully in the green.

The manual controls to my chamber were heavy with age, still I trudged up the incline to rediscover the daylight I’d missed. “The fools.” I had my confirmation, disheartened by the long devastated landscape – barren rock, lifeless dirt. “Every time, the same way – destruction. It seems the creatures of Earth just can’t stay alive for very long.”

“Sol Observer,” the chip in my wrist suddenly spoke.

“I’m here,” I replied.

“We detected a deactivation of your somnolence field. What is your status?”

“It seems like they were just getting started,” I lamented, revealing, “Humanity has terminated.”

“Then, your chronicle is complete?” the controller asked.

It was a serious question with a solemn finality. “Just data to pour over. A shame really. Such an interesting species, after all. I think I’d like to give them another go, if you don’t mind. See what they can really do. Maybe this time give them a little nudge here and there.”

“Sol Observer, you’re aware of the regulations. And this was the third round.”

“I know, I know,” I admitted, retreating below ground once more, entering my clearance code into the vault interface. Readying a new genetic cascade, it was available at my command. “But I’d like to get approval for an exception this time. They have so much potential. Our finest work yet, I think. I promise, no direct overt interference.” Fingers crossed.

A pause, then, “Authorization granted. Do you require additional supplies?”

“A few repairs would do nicely. Oh, and some new clothes, thanks.”

Ok. Good to know. I'll try that. Thanks G.C.

I was looking for the September feed but can't find it. My story is ready but the September 2018 discussions don't even appear when I search for them. Have they been removed?

Congrats Justin! Way to go!

C. wrote: "Chris wrote: "Review of Illegal Aliens by C.

Paul and Bud are partners on the beat in Chicago, when they receive a call they can’t believe. An all-points-bulletin describes an armed of armed dinos..."

Gotcha. A fun story either way! :)

Review of Migration by Jot

A simple story of aliens looking to inhabit a pre-industrialized Earth, they discover a primitive race of mammals and decide to land in order to better evaluate the native population. During the descent, their ship is damaged, forcing them into a hard landing for repairs, but in order to do so, they must secure a landing zone. After vaporizing some of the natives the ship sets down and the crew disembarks. It’s then revealed the ship to have landed at Ellis Island. But the natives aren’t without their own defenses, killing the unprepared crew.

What I liked: I enjoyed the ease of this piece, a fairly straightforward read. Kind of a reverse Star Trek type vibe to it.

What I loved: I loved the shape-shifting chameleon characteristics of the aliens.

What I didn’t connect with: A fairly straightforward piece, I really only stumbled over some grammatical errors and word repetition. Nothing a simple review can’t easily polish.

My favorite sentence(s): ‘As the ship broke through the outside wall of the storm, the lights of the city reappeared.’

Overall Impression: An easily readable, enjoyable story about the perils of first contact.

Tom, thanks so much for your review. It was very detailed and I really appreciate it. :)

Review of Strategic Retreat by G.C.

Jonathan Butler is Emperor of the Sol Coalition and a politician to a fault. So convinced of his own negotiation abilities, he is unable to face the truth, even when hostile aliens take full control of his body during the dialogues. Using Jonathan as a device with which to communicate their demands, his desire for approval overshadows the truth – that humanity is no match against the Zorn. While they demonstrate their undeniable power, he continues to transmit a false victory, dooming humanity. Likewise, his prowess at negotiation is, in fact, a dismal failure, evident when he is defeated and demolecularized to the sound of thunderous applause from his own supporters.

What I liked: I really enjoyed the Zorn. A great adversary.

What I loved: I loved your concept and the thought you put into the premise in this story. It was both poignant and ironic. I also loved Jonathan Butler as a character, a man you hate to like.

What I didn’t connect with: There were a couple areas where I was just a bit confused on the first read through, particularly a spot where I thought the Zorn were communicating over the datastream. The descriptions like ‘Jonathan once again transmitted their message’, while at the same time Jonathan was communicating his own message over the datastream, was a little tough to keep straight, though change in CAPS definitely helped.

My favorite sentence(s): ‘Only complete mastery of the powers of the universe could account for their impossible deceleration and descent, and Jonathan’s hands trembled as he covered his ears in a futile attempt to muffle the screaming of the Zorn ships fighting gravity and inertia.’

Overall Impression: A darkly humorous look at the politics of approval. Nicely done.

Review of Illegal Aliens by C.

Paul and Bud are partners on the beat in Chicago, when they receive a call they can’t believe. An all-points-bulletin describes an armed of armed dinosaurs invading the city. On patrol, they run across one of the invaders wading in the Buckingham Fountain. Towering over them, it resembles a tyrannosaurus with an energy pistol strapped to its waist. They’re surprised to find the creature can talk and the pair learns of the alien’s devious intentions – to process humanity. While conversation remains civil, the alien suggests the two officers help in rounding up the humans and be rewarded. Instead, Paul and Bob futilely try to disarm the creature, only to be incapacitated themselves and dragged off as a snack for the hulking beast.

What I liked: I really liked Paul and Bud. Too bad about them, though.

What I loved: I loved your villain. I think your description of armed dinosaurs invading Chicago was a great allusion to classic 50s sci-fi, though kept thinking of Dr. Evil from the Austin Powers movies and his ‘sharks with friggen laser beams.’ Great fun!

What I didn’t connect with: Honestly, and this may sound strange, but the only thing I didn’t connect with was the use of a Tyrannosaurus as the invading alien ‘dinosaur’. The imagery of those tiny little arms clutching a ray-gun…I just kept wondering how it would even draw a pistol from a holster. Anyways, it was a trivial stumbling block for me.

My favorite sentence(s): ‘With siren wailing and tires squealing, they came around the downtown corner of South Columbus Drive just in time to see what looked like a 15-foot tall Tyrannosaurus Rex standing in the shallow water of Buckingham fountain.’

Overall Impression: A fun, though tragic, story which reminded me of a cheesy 50s, black and white sci-fi film (in a good way!).

Review of The Wright Stuff by Greg

Milton is a simple farmer, recently lost of his fiancé and drowning his sorrow in his bottle. Nearly finished, he discovers a glowing orb which gifts him with visions of space and time. The visions also tell him of the man responsible for his sorrow, who is actually an alien in disguise, and if he is able to beat that man in a game of cards, his fortune, and the future of humanity, would be restored. Milton handedly defeats his opponent, who departs in a carriage, in actuality a spaceship, and as promised, is granted the future he so desires, including being the forebearer to the eventual fathers of flight, the Wright brothers.

What I liked: I really liked the title. Very clever.

What I loved: You were really able to effectively convey a sense of sympathy for Milton. And I enjoyed the subtle twist at the end.

What I didn’t connect with: I didn’t connect with the aliens and the orb. Who were they and what was their motivation in helping Milton? Was the whole story just a bit of drunken delusion? For me, it was a little confusing.

My favorite sentence(s): ‘It was, at times, soft or hard, warm or cold, sometimes all at the same time.’

Overall Impression: An enjoyable story of a man given a second chance to restore his destiny and the future of mankind.

Review of Mexican Paradise by Karl

A global cataclysm has resulted in a shift in the Earth’s poles. The result is a dramatic climate change in the United States, a cooling to the point where the country is largely inhabitable. So, Americans are forced to flee south, though the Mexican government doesn’t want these new American refugees, beginning mass deportations for all but those few willing to fly under the radar.

What I liked: It was definitely an ironic story, the tables turned on Mexico and the U.S.

What I loved: I loved your little quip at the end about Canadians. Too funny.

What I didn’t connect with: I really wasn’t able to connect with your main protagonist. It was a short piece, but the narrative fell a little flat for me.

My favorite sentence(s): 'Ghettos called "Gringovilles," where people only spoke English, quickly sprung up in every big city.'

Overall Impression: Short and sweet, this is an easy, enjoyable read with an amusing conclusion.

Review of Aliens by Tom

A cynical tale, the worst of humanity is personified in Billy, a blood-thirsty American who thinks little more of the Mexicans sneaking across the border than the sport he can get out of raping or killing them. Judgement ultimately find him when the immigrants, so desperately crossing over, turn out to be, instead, the original inhabitants of Earth, time traveling into the future and looking to reclaim their planet for themselves at the cost of mankind.

What I liked: I liked the irony of the story. In the end, the “aliens” (or not) are really no better than the humans, themselves.

What I loved: Your narrative was fantastic, very descriptive. It reminded me a lot of The Gunslinger, by Stephen King.

What I didn’t connect with: The only thing I think was missing was any type of backstory for the “invaders.” I wish there’d been more to that portion of the story.

My favorite sentence(s): ‘The old Mexie’s eyes were wild with fear, moist with tears as the search light washed over his lined brown face.’

Overall Impression: A very well written tragedy with an ironic twist.

Okay, mine's up.

The Price of Freedom

Utopia was almost too good to be true, though so overly glaring not to be. We lived in its shadow every day, its towering walls looming over us, judging us…keeping the peasants out. The city was humanity’s future, and we were better left forgotten.

My people’s plight began before my grandfather’s grandfather, Chulkanian plague practically decimating us, forcing us into space. Nearly consumed, we discovered an inhabited Earth, with its boundless beauty and resources. Our people arrived in peace, and I suppose it was a testament to human kindness when they took us in, saving us from the brink of extinction. Even so, we were aliens on their world and ‘caste aside’, as some would say.

An awkward century or two, but the humans, in their advancement, walled themselves away. Prejudice, many claimed, though we were the ones who’d arrived without invitation. Perhaps we’d outstayed our welcome. Then again, we were never persecuted outright and had the freedom to rebuild our future. We even thrived at first. But our avarice, envious eyes and bitter desires, destroyed us once again. Protests became rebellion, an insurgency crushed so brutally by the humans, we’d never recover. Still, they spared us, despite our ingratitude.

Before my children were born, I’d lived a humble life, had never wanted more, at least until I saw the decoded feeds from inside the city – fortune beyond imagination. Utopia was heaven. Our slums were its hell, living off scraps of a society with too much. I ached for a plan.

I’d heard rumors of recombination, implanted genetic hybridization, activated to rewrite our code and pass for human, once inside Utopia. The right biotech in the right amounts would alter Chulkanian traits enough to pass for any of them, even under full medical scan. It only took a signature. My wife and children received the injection immediately, activated once inside the wall.

“Stay low. Patrol up ahead,” Verxyx cautioned and we hunkered down. It was illegal for us to be out past curfew. Still, if my family was ever going have a better life, have any hope for a brighter future, we needed to cross the city at night. Our guide had a solid reputation and was our ticket out. “Okay, move.”

We stuck to the shadows, down darkened alleyways and into the Pit, one of the few lawless zones in the sprawling slums. At least we didn’t have to worry about violations there - no patrols, the humans had given up trying – just plenty of stims, enough strip clubs, and too much booze. A free-for-all of vices, it was a necessary risk, to slip cleanly away.

Turning into the zone, Merra and I shielded our children’s eyes from the profanity, the debauchery, the worst parts of us on full display. And I didn’t expect to see other kids there, working the streets and scrounging for every credit while doing some of the most terrible things. It suddenly made my dreams for my own children so much more salient. A drunken revelry, the barfights, the smells, the corruption, it overloaded the senses.

“Not far now,” Verxyx led us through a gap in a tall barrier and back onto the open streets.

“Freeze!” Lights were suddenly upon us. Two human soldiers stepped from the glare. “You better have a damned good story, Chulkies,” one of them harassed. “Let’s see your ID chips.”

Reluctantly producing our wrists for scanning, Verxyx’s kept his concealed.

“C’mon,” the guard demanded, “identification.”

Verxyx’s hands shot suddenly forward, electricity erupting from paired suppression emitters. The guards dropped into a quivering heap of twitching smasms.

“This way,” he motioned, leading us down another darkened alleyway, ending in fissure with a sealed hatchway. Verxyx knew the code and the door swung wide. “Inside. First the kids, then your wife. A deal’s a deal. My people on the inside will get them set up with what they need.”

“Them?” my wife wondered, though I’d suspected she’d known, desperation thankfully brushing it aside. Merra turned accusingly to me, “What did you do?!”

"It was the only way." The price of freedom – one life for three, and perfectly forged digital documentation. I knew the consequences when I signed contract. My parts would be sold to the highest elites in Utopia, ingredients to brew an elixir called Nirvana, which produced an alluring high.

Verxyx pulled me back. “Transaction complete,” his scanner declared.

“Just make it worth it,” I wept as three pairs of human eyes tearfully disappeared behind the solid hatchway.

I am also glad you commented. It's important to have these types of of conversations and everyone should have a voice. Sure, some of our responses may be a little more than direct and a little less than diplomatic, but your opinions and comments really do matter.

:)

Tom wrote: "The prompts are political? I hadn't noticed. All in the interpretation, maybe. Something's only political if the reader thinks it is.

Social and political allegory have certainly been prominent in..."

I also agree that I haven't noticed any sort of political undertone to the topics posted. Then again, that's just my observation. Last month was a family vacation. The month before that, the fall of an empire. And before that was a space opera. Pretty basic topics as far as I can tell.

Even so, I think a lot of science fiction is very political, and there's nothing wrong with that. Everything from Isaac Asimov's Foundation, to 2001, to the Hunger Games has political undertones. And some of the most successful, even poignant, novels ever written reflected current events of the time, most of them political. It made the stories relevant and realistic.

I agree, just be yourself. Write to your comfort level.

Carrie wrote: "Oh I know, I know current climate always influences people and the prompts they come up with.

I also don't think it's necessarily a bad thing, I have a hard time participating in prompts that forc..."

I think that's always a danger with writing about controversial topics. You run the risk of alienating certain readers, especially nowadays. People are so dogmatic and will defend their own positions to a fault, even when their position doesn't make any sense.

That being said, some of the greatest books in history had political undertones, like Animal Farm or 1984. Even Starship Troopers and Dune had political messages. Though some of that could definitely be chalked up to interpretation. So, what to do?

I, for one, would love to see you return to the group, no matter what, even if our opinions were diametrically opposed. It's tough to open a closed mind, and especially so if it's never exposed to other opinions or something new.

:)

Great job, Tom! Congrats!

Tom, don't get discouraged. Your critiques are fantastic. I actually look forward to mine every time!