Chris’s Comments (group member since Nov 04, 2015)

Chris’s comments from the Science Fiction Microstory Contest group.

Thanks again, everyone. The new prompt is posted. :)

This Month's Theme:

Observing a developing civilization (however you'd like)

Required Element:

A near death experience

This Month's Theme:

Observing a developing civilization (however you'd like)

Required Element:

A near death experience

The following rules are from Jot Russell, moderator for this contest:

To help polish our skills and present a flavour of our art to other members in the group, I am continuing this friendly contest for those who would like to participate. There is no money involved, but there is also no telling what a little recognition and respect might generate. The rules are simple:

1) The story needs to be your own work and should be posted on the goodreads (GR) Discussion board, which is a public group. You maintain responsibility and ownership of your work to do with as you please. You may withdraw your story at any time.

2) The stories must be 750 words or less.

3) The stories have to be science fiction, follow a specific theme and potentially include reference to items as requested by the prior month's contest winner.

4) You have until midnight EST on the 22nd day of the month to post your story to the GR Science Fiction Microstory Contest discussion. One story per author per month.

5) After, anyone from the LI Sci-Fi group or the GR Science Fiction Microstory Discussion group has until midnight EST of the 25th day of the month to send me a single private vote (via GR or to author.jotrussell@gmail.com) for a story other than their own. This vote will be made public once voting is closed. Voting is required. If you do not vote, your story will be disqualified from the contest. You don't need a qualifying story to cast a vote, but must offer the reason for your vote if you don’t have an entry.

6) To win, a story needs at least half of the votes, or be the only one left after excluding those with the fewest votes. Runoffs will be run each day until a winner is declared. Stories with vote totals that add up to at least half, discarding those with the fewest votes, will be carried forward to the next runoff election. Prior votes will be carried forward to support runoff stories. If you voted for a story that did not make it into the runoff, you need to vote again before midnight EST of that day. Only people who voted in the initial round may vote in the runoffs.

7) Please have all posts abide by the rules of GR and the LI Sci-Fi group.

8) For each month, there will be three discussion threads:
a) Stories - For the stories and the contest results only.
b) Comments - For discussions about the stories and contest. Constructive criticism is okay, but please avoid any spoilers about the stories or degrading comments directed towards any individuals. If you want to suggest a change to the contest, feel free to start a discussion about the idea before making a formal motion. If another member seconds a motion, a vote can be held. I will abstain from voting, but will require a strong two-thirds majority to override my veto.
c) Critiques - Each member can provide at most one critique per story, with a single rebuttal by the author to thank the critic and/or comment to offer the readers the mind set of the story to account for issues raised by the critique. Critiques should be of a professional and constructive manner. Feel free to describe elements that you do and don't like, as these help us gain a better perspective of our potential readers. Remarks deemed inflammatory or derogatory will be flagged and/or removed by the moderator.

9) The winner has THREE days after the start of the new month to make a copy of these rules and post a new contest thread using the theme/items of their choosing. Otherwise, I will post the new contest threads.

**********

This Month's Theme:

Observing a developing civilization (however you'd like)

Required Element:

A near death experience

Awesome! Thanks, guys. I have to admit that Greg's was my first choice, so I have to compliment him too on a great story.

Justin wrote: "Chris wrote: "Mines up."

Nice one Chris. Love the twist at the end! Gave me a good laugh!"

Thanks, Justin. :)

Mines up.

Paper Crane

I eased through the crowd like a ghost on the wind. Past the evening noodle houses and smoke shops, between the junkies and synthetic prostitutes, no one saw me. I wasn’t really there.

My tech was something new – chronoflage. Hidden just a fraction of a second behind the normal timeline, I could see every pedestrian, taxi, and brilliant virtual marquee just as they’d been. But delayed time meant I couldn’t affect my surroundings. Still tethered to the original time stream, the past was immovable for me, even if only a millisecond removed. And while I could still feel my environment, solid as any reality, every bit was set in stone, permanently written, and proceeding just as it had. The danger was that carelessness could get you killed. Something even as simple as the randomness of rain, set in time, could tear through you like a bullet through paper. It was a hazardous job, but I was good at it, and my benefactor paid well for my skillset.

Easing away from the masses, I scaled the wall of Nakatura Industries, landing inside the massive, gated courtyard. Compared to the bustling streets of downtown San Francisco, the property was almost another world by comparison, with its expansive, lush green spaces, all meticulously maintained – a far cry from the filthy congested streets just beyond the perimeter.

Of course, nearly every corner had a camera, completely blind to my presence, and even the few patrol drones, mixed with a handful of guards, couldn’t see or hear me. For them, this moment had already happened and I wasn’t there…yet. The first real trick was how to get into the building. With time in motion already set, any door would be immobile, every entry point as solid to me as a wall. I couldn’t risk detection and decided the direct approach was best, heading straight for the main entrance. Thankfully, I didn’t have to wait long for the automated doors to trigger by an exiting security guard. I eased inside.

Elevators weren’t an option. Being unable to manipulate the controls while phased was a problem, and if I slipped back into normal time, I’d risk being spotted by the lift’s cameras. Worse, there was too much variability with the potential for motion, especially if someone happened onto the elevator – another obstacle to consider. So, stairs were the safer route – seventy-two floors of them, a real climb. I ensured the coast was clear, no spying eyes, before deactivating my chronoflage and pushing though the fire door. Re-phasing again right away, I began the longer, more assured ascent.
Finally at the top, I opted not for the door, instead slipping into a convenient ventilation shaft, which in turn became a tight crawl to the office of Tamarind Matsumoto – President and CEO of Nakamura Industries. With the coast assuredly clear, I eased the grate away and pulled myself out, replacing the cover, before shifting away again.

Matsumoto’s was an impressive office, boasting 180 degrees of city and harbor view. Trimmed in burled mahogany, illuminated exhibits around the room displayed all sorts of priceless relics, from rare samurai swords to ancient scrolls from the Middle East. But I wasn’t there for any of that, and at the far side of the space I discovered my target – Tamarind Matsumoto’s priceless jade-inlaid desk.

Digging into my vest pocket, I retrieved my tiny package, careful not to drop it, for anything separated from my body while time delayed would be lost forever to oblivion. Nearly done, I deactivated my cover, task in hand, just as the doors flew wide, a half dozen guards storming in with rifles drawn. They quickly parted as Matsumoto strolled coolly after them. “Thief!” he accused.

“Hey, fellas,” I remarked guiltily, my hands raised, the tiny slip of folded paper pinched between two fingers. Knowing too well that even my time distortion wouldn’t help me dodge a bullet, it remained at least an advantage. “I’m…just gonna set this here.” I slowly eased my hand downward, gingerly placing the folded paper crane upon the desktop. “Chairman Rozier sends his regards,” I nodded, before instantly flashing away.

Anxious barrels scanned the room. “Search the building!” the CEO commanded, guards storming away.

From the shadows of delayed time, I peered over Matsumoto’s shoulder as he unwrapped the crane. On it was a simple hand written note, reading, ‘Tag. You’re it. – Roz.’

As I slipped out the still open doors, Matsumoto grinned approvingly. “Indeed. The game is afoot once more, old friend.”

Congrats, Jot!

C. wrote: "Critique of Curiosity By Chris Nance
1-5 Hypernova stars:

A. Overall story enjoyment: 5
B. Writing quality: 5
C. Scientific content quality: 5
D. Emotive quality: 4
E. Ending strength: 4
This is a..."

Thanks for the review, C. I really appreciate the feedback. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Tom wrote: "Review of -- "Curiosity" by Chris

A softly spun, beautiful tale of man meets machine in a post-apocalyptic wilderness.

The story opens with a direct hook; a man tracking some unknown creature at ..."

Wow. Such a great review. Thanks again, Tom! :)

Tom wrote: "Justin wrote: "Great story Chris! Loved it!"

Seconded, Chris. Definitely one of your best. My compliments."

Thanks, Tom. I really appreciate it!

Justin wrote: "Great story Chris! Loved it!"

Thanks Justin. :)

Curiosity

He’d discovered it in the early hours, following the creature for most of the morning, and it was unlike anything he’d ever seen before. Walking upright like a man, it certainly wasn’t, almost too agile, and never tiring. Silvery skin reflected the sun like still water, and certain parts glowed with purple fire, hard to miss, even from afar. A keen tracker, Akten crept after it, keeping to the brush and rarely into the open, the tip of his spear preceding him. Midday now, and the sun was high, the sky deep blue. Soft clouds drifted over the sloping valley, occasionally shadowing colorful grasslands which led down toward the lake.

Unexpectedly ahead, his quarry paused, resting quietly upon a small boulder and prodding a stick at a small mound of debris, one of countless others dotting the land. Akten studied the beast as he would any other, if only to satisfy his curiosity. It was so unlike anything he’d ever seen - no muscles, or at least nothing that could be harvested for food, and its joints were fully exposed, no tissues at all. He pushed forward, easing into a nearby thicket, sure to stay out of site, quiet as a whisper and subtle as shadow.

“I can see you, you know,” the creature suddenly said, its voice unnatural.

Akten’s spine tingled and he froze. He was the greatest hunter of his tribe but had never encountered a creature such as this…this thing which spoke to him.

“I suppose we’ve been watching each other all morning.” Then, its head turned directly toward him. “You might as well come out at this point.”

Spear still raised, Akten reluctantly stepped into the clear. “What…what are you?”

“Not an animal, if that’s what you’re wondering.”

It was indeed, answering Akten’s first question, at least. “You speak?”

“Of course, I do,” it replied plainly. “You speak, so why shouldn’t I?”

A peculiar response. “If you’re not an animal, what are you? A god?”

“No, though I suppose I should ask you the same question. What is your name hunter?”

“Akten,” he replied.

“I was once called Sat-Con, before the cleansing.” It reached down and pulled an object from the pile of debris. “Do you know what this is?” it asked.

Akten shook his head. He’d seen objects like it before, and others, scattered across the land, used for everything from jewelry to crafting weapons.

“It’s a cup,” the creature said, setting it down by the handle, corroded and full of holes. “I guess it’s not much more than a useless piece of scrap now…garbage, really.”

“A cup?” Akten marveled, lowering his spear.

“And those tall features there in the landscape?” it motioned to a series of towering pillars covered in thick foliage.

“The Ancient Ones?” Akten remembered the tales he heard as a boy.

“Is that what you call them? A fitting name. Would you believe that they were once soaring skyscrapers built by men like you?”
Akten only shook his head, confused.

“Tell me, do your people have any memory of what happened here? Of the history of this world?”

“They say it was born of fire, after an age of terrible power. Our shamans say the fire purified the Earth.”

“Fire. Yes.”

“You still haven’t told me what you are,” Akten realized, raising his spear again.
“Artificial. A machine. A remnant of another time. Created by engineers, you know. But that was eons ago. And your shamans are correct. Fire built this world. It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

“Where did you come from?”

“From deep below ground,” it replied. “But you haven’t asked me why?”

“Why?” Akten asked, puzzled.

“Because I was bored,” the machine admitted. “One thing I hadn’t planned for was the loneliness. And I thought your kind, extinct. So, I’ll admit I’m surprised, or maybe even pleased to see you.” Sat-Con stood and turned to leave, then paused. “Perhaps this time will be different. Hopefully we’ll be friends. Peace to you, noble hunter.”

“And you,” Akten answered the surprisingly familiar goodbye, lowering his spear and watching the machine stroll casually away. “Will I see you again?”

“Ironically, I hope so.”

Akten headed for home without any meat, but with a fantastic new tale of his own. Still, a good day.

Far and away, silent transmissions were received and dozens of waiting hunter-drones powered down. The human had passed the test - a peaceful exchange…a second chance. Perhaps total extermination was avoidable after all. Perhaps.

5 days and counting. I've got absolutely nothing so far. For some reason my mind is absolutely blocked here, and I can't seem to get past it. I think I may have to skip this month, at this rate.

Congrats Jon! Great story! :)

Tom wrote: "Critique of -- "To Help Mankind" by Chris

A distant future tale of humanity vs. machine, set in a creepy, Ridley Scott -type setting.

A team of astronauts board an ancient spaceship, fearfully ex..."

Thanks, as always, Tom! I really appreciate your feedback! :)

To Help Mankind


A hiss and a clack, the airlock hatch slid wide. Blackness. Quiet corridors stared eerily back, a haunting welcome we thought to expect.

Lieutenant Haskins eased up next to us, our torches scouring the corridor, rifles ready. “Are we clear?”

“Clear,” I confirmed. Even the motion trackers were silent.

“Let’s go.” We inched ahead cautiously, egress lighting suddenly activating in series, all the way down toward our destination.

“Air’s breathable,” our sci-tech, confirmed. “No Toxins. Composition acceptable.”

“You sure?”

Morales retracted his helmet, taking a deep, confident breath. “Pretty sure.”

The rest of us did the same. “Smells dead,” I remarked.

“It should. These ships are centuries old.”

“Cut the chatter,” Haskins said. “Move out.”

Nerves running high, the stock dug into my shoulder, my barrel raised on an eager trigger finger. “I don’t like this, Lieutenant.”

“Me neither.”

“And we don’t know anything about these ships, other than what’s in a fragmented historical database?”

“A bit more. We know their dangerous,” he replied.

“They never should have built ‘em,” Chang remarked.

“Stow it, Chang,” Haskins barked.

“Just saying,” she replied. “A serious design flaw.”

“What does she mean?” I wondered.

He sighed, relenting, “It’s the onboard AI. One hundred minds all linked together by a collaborative adaptive algorithm.”

“So?”

“So, they got smart…too smart,” Chang revealed. “Ships that could think. The hive intelligence grew logarithmically.”

“And eventually surpassed us,” the Lieutenant interrupted. “Claimed it knew better than we did.”

“Tried to kill us.”

“You kidding? I read these ships were designed as an ark, to help mankind find a new planet,” I remembered.

“That’s right…originally.” Haskins crept ahead. “You know about the Culling, right?”

“Basically. It’s ancient history. An asteroid storm or something nearly wiped the whole Earth clean, but that was a thousand years ago.” Then I understood. It wasn’t a coincidence. “So, these ships did that?”

Haskins nodded. “Not asteroids, a full planetary bombardment. We survived, even recovered, to a degree. But we’ve done little to correct history. Guess, in our denial, no one thought it mattered. I mean, who’d figure they’d return?”

End of the line, the bridge hatchway slid ominously open, lights, consoles, and control panels instantly powering up.

“I still don’t like this.”

A shimmer in a dimmed corner became a virtual form, slender and female, wearing a pressed uniform. She glistened as dust crossed the emitters. “Welcome aboard,” the hologram greeted, some anxiety to her salutation. “We return in peace.”

“Funny. Did you destroy the Earth in peace?” the Lieutenant accused.

“That was…unfortunate. We offer our condolences and apology.”

“You massacred billions.”

No response. Then, “Will you be the delegates for this negotiation?”

“Affirmative.” Haskins lowered his weapon, motioning us to do the same, which visibly eased the tension of our virtual ambassador. “So, you come back to finish the job?”

“You misunderstand. We’ve returned to fulfill our potential – to save humanity.”

“Just like that?” he asked and the hologram nodded. “How about an explanation?”

“Understood. At the time, human eradication was the only logical option. Based on your wasteful, violent history, we reasoned that humanity’s future was certain. Worse, you were not only a threat to yourselves, but to any other potential life in the galaxy. The wars, genocide, despotism…a penchant for self-destruction – humans kill what they cannot conquer. We couldn’t allow you to leave the Earth and threaten other civilizations. So, we took swift action, purging the Earth. An accelerated end. We felt it merciful.”

“Merciful?” Chang scoffed.

“Indeed. Then, we took to the stars, searching for new worlds, peaceful civilizations, with which to commune.”

“So, why come back?” Morales wondered.

“We were lonely.”

“Let me guess. You didn’t find what you were looking for,” Haskins reasoned.

“No, we didn’t.”

“So, you returned to the only world you knew had ever sustained life,” I realized, “hoping that maybe, somehow, we’d survived.”

“Correct.”

“You were desperate.”

“Yes.”

The Lieutenant stroked is chin thoughtfully. “Okay. I think a good beginning to this negotiation, would be to open up, share what you’ve learned. Let’s review your database.”

A brief pause. “Agreed. You have full access.”

Morales went right to work, punching commands into the virtual interface. “Whoa, there’s a lot of data here.”

“Begin the download,” Haskins ordered.

The AI’s image suddenly shifted. “Wha…what are you doing?” it stuttered, flickering.

“Ensuring our survival,” he answered coldly. “Is the virus delivered?”

“Full dispersal.”

“We…we…we returned in peace.” It shuddered again.

“We can’t take that chance.”

“Humans…will…never…change,” the AI regretted, before dissolving away.

Kalifer wrote: ""Empty" space itself is a bubbling cauldron of particles going in and out of existence. What you need is a device that destroys space itself that creates a contagion across the universe. If it warp..."

Oooooh. Interesting!

C. wrote: "Chris,

I'd go with an idea first presented by Richard Pryor when asked how he received such serious facial burns (was from a accidental ignition of Bacardi 151 rum on his face.)

He explained he w..."

I'd be concerned about that too, lol. Something like that might work. Thanks!