Chris’s Comments (group member since Nov 04, 2015)

Chris’s comments from the Science Fiction Microstory Contest group.

Thanks Justin! I appreciate it. :)

Tom wrote: "Chris wrote: "Okay. Mines up...finally."

Excellent imagery and pacing, Chris; really captures the childhood magic of Christmas.

Personally, I'd have ended it with the whole thing turning out to b..."

I was leaning that direction at first, but for that pesky word count. I think it would have been quite a bit longer. Lol.

Okay. Mines up...finally.

Toy Soldier


“What’s that there?” I asked, peering under the tree. Tucked in the back, the glimmer from a final tiny package caught my eye.

“Huh. I’m not sure,” Mom replied, surveying the room, the near bedlam of ravaged wrapping paper and towers of stacked gifts my sister and I had excitedly claimed. “I thought we opened everything.”

Extending a long arm, I drew the last gift out. A bit larger than my palm, the wrapping shimmered, a rainbow hue which shifted as I turned the little box end over end. Topped by a brilliant red bow which sparkled like stardust, the simple handwritten tag read, ‘The Smiths.’

“Funny,” Mom recalled, “I don’t remember this one. Who wants to open it?” she asked eagerly.

“Ooh! Me! Me!” My sister leaped from the couch, snatching it away. She only needed to remove the cover. Inside was a simple note.

“Well?” I asked.

“It says Merry Christmas!” Of course it didn’t actually say that. She was only four years old and couldn’t read at all.

“Let me see that,” I demanded. Madelyn hadn’t even bothered to unfold the paper. So, I unwrapped it gingerly and spread it out upon the table. Written neatly in fountain pen, I read, “We need your help, or you won’t have another Christmas.”

“How terrible! Who would send something like that?” Mom grabbed the note, tucked it back inside, and tossed the whole package into the fireplace without even considering any objection. It joined the logs in the fire and we really didn’t give it another thought.

The next morning, we woke early, ready again to dig into our new toys and enjoy our extra days from school. Mom left for work and I was in charge of Madelyn. Sure to terrorize her thoroughly, I bolted throughout the house, new toy starship in hand, chasing her and her plastic unicorns while she screamed at the top of her lungs. Then, a flicker from the fireplace drew my attention and I paused. There, hidden amongst the ash, I rediscovered the little box, as new as ever, and not even singed in the slightest. I picked the thing from the soot and blew the dust away. “Huh,” I marveled, opening it again. There was the letter. This time it read:

‘We really do need your help.’

“For what?” I wondered aloud and, to my astonishment, the letter answered.

‘To save Santa.’

“Santa Claus? Uh-huh.” I doubted.

The letter replied, ‘No really. He never came home on Christmas Eve.”

“So, what happened?”

“The Martians have him and we don’t have much time! They want to keep Christmas for themselves.’

“No way.”

‘Big way! He was kidnapped on his way back from Greenland.’

“C’mon! This is a trick. Who’s writing this?” I turned the magical note over in my hands.

I was stunned when it answered, ‘Elves, of course.’

‘Okay? What should I do?”

‘It's important you follow these instructions exactly or else Christmas is doomed,’ the note declared, and a new seam creased the paper. It unfolded again and again, revealing a set of directions, the plans to what looked like a robot.

“What’s this for?” I asked.

‘A rescue mission.’

“Seriously?”

‘As the Grinch.’

“What’s next?”

‘Look inside.’

Glancing into the box, I discovered the interior was missing, replaced by an impossibly empty void. Of course, I reached inside, all the way up to my shoulder. That’s when I felt the parts. So, I dumped the little box upside-down, and the first piece to fall out was a mechanical arm. After some shaking, I had a dozen pieces piled atop the floor.

The instructions were a bit complicated, and I spent the rest of that day putting the thing together. Finally assembled, I took an anxious step back. It stood in full-attention – a life-size, though lifeless toy soldier, complete with rifle, tall bearskin cap, and even curled mustache. It was perfect.

“What now?” I wondered to myself.

The letter answered again. ‘Turn it on.’

Well, you bet I did. A sudden hum and lifeless eyes powered up. Then, without so much as a word, the toy soldier stomped outside.

“What did I just build?”

‘An army,’ the note replied. ‘Thanks!’ Then, the box and letter faded away.

Glancing skyward, rockets built into the soldier’s boots engaged as it blasted off for space. That’s when I saw the others in my neighborhood – other houses with other solders. And, judging from the number of rocket-trails, those Martians were going to be sorry.

Great Job G.C.! Congrats!

Justin wrote: "Chris!

"You maniacs! You blew it up!"

Insert Charlton Heston on horseback on the beach...

Good one. Did not see that coming! Nice!"


Thanks, Justin!

Tom wrote: "Good set-up and execution, Chris. Effective. 'Left me scratching my head a bit, though.

I'm assuming the mysteriously space-drifting Statue of Liberty was from an alternate parallel Earth, hence t..."


That's the direction I was going, hence the NADA reference. Don't know if I pulled it off, though.

Jeremy wrote: "I've been thinking about the oxidization thing (thanks Chris!).

It could have been oxidized prior to being launched into space.

The question is, what does a vacuum do to copper? Apparently "low-o..."


Jeremy, that's a good question. The oxidation thing sounded good at least, so I went with it. Not a metallurgist, though, lol.

Eleutheria

It was so small, really an accident we discovered it at all. And from where, we didn’t have a clue.

We knew, from its composition, it didn’t really match anything natural in our system. High in copper and iron, its density was way off, hardly any mass for its size. When images from Mars telescopes leaked to the news, some random academic named it Eleutheria. Terrible, I know, but the name stuck. Immediately, the UFO nuts claimed aliens had sent it (it’s always aliens). Whatever it was, matched a synchronous Earth orbit, exactly opposite the sun from Earth. An anomaly by all accounts, we finally intercepted the thing about two weeks after a steady burn.

“Coming about, 45 degrees to the horizontal.” Commander Kenzie eased the controls to port. “Matching vector and speed.” Stars spun while the object slowed. “Orienting perpendicular to the long axis. What are you seeing, Alvarez?”

Floodlights scanned small sections at a time. “A big rock, far as I can tell,” I replied, peering through the transom. “Scans show mostly iron and about 20% copper. Weird, a lot of carbon too – hydrocarbons, calcium carbonate.” That was unexpected. “Anyways, it’s about 100 meters in length, about 10 meters in diameter.”

“Any radiation?”

“Trace gamma, below our shielding tolerances.”

“Think it’s a power source?”

“A nuclear reaction? That would mean a containment leak. It’s almost like the residual radiation you’d see from a nuclear fall-out. Hmm…no tech or weapons, basically a dead chunk of metal.

“You sound disappointed.”

“A bit,” I admitted. “I was with the crowd hoping for an alien probe.” Then, the lights scanned across a smooth section, reflecting back an emerald hue. “What is that?”

“Found something?”

“Green.”

“Well, it does have copper,” the commander smirked.

“Yes, but the green discoloration of copper is due to oxidation. You need an atmosphere for that.” And it can’t be a lifeform. How would it survive in a vacuum? Time for a walk.”

“You sure?”

“Well, the scans have gotta be off. Outwardly, they’re detecting a metal shell only a few millimeters thick. Looks like it’s hollow. Besides, our mission is to check this thing out.”

“Okay. Your call. Initiating soft contact. Beginning descent.”

“McGinnis,” I announced over the comms, “meet me at the airlock.”

The surface of the Eleutheria had a buoyant give. Crusted with heaps of black particulate, it was like walking through cold ashes. We kicked up a trail and inversion thrusters compensated well for our weightlessness, a cautious stroll over a taught trampoline. Then, a scuff of a boot revealed a green tarnish, just beneath the charred exterior. “This is definitely artificial,” I realized as McGinnis brushed the debris away. “Metal plating. It looks burned.”

“Roger that,” Kenzie said. “Proceed with caution.”

“Understood. Continuing along the length of the artifact.”

We discovered other exposed areas, pockets of green cladding hidden between dusty knolls and coated with fine ash.

“You seeing any hatches or vents,” Kenzie wondered.

“Nothing.” Then, I stumbled over a broken seam hidden below a film of dust. “Hold on,” I corrected. We trailed it back to a blackened maw of ripped and twisted copper which dropped away. “We’re heading in.”

Tucked inside, my lights scanned the interior. Fingers running along the metal released a cloud of ice crystals. The compartment was lengthy enough, so we could just make out the periphery in the icy haze, but not quite the long end. Then, I discovered a sight I didn’t expect, a simple Victorian staircase within our hollowed out compartment, turned on its side and extending into the darkness. “Where do you go?” I wondered.

A shimmer in the void unexpectedly caught my light and, to my disbelief, I found words, written in English on a bronze plaque. It read, but in reverse:

‘Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses…’

“Holy shit. You seeing this?” A crunch beneath my boot and I glanced down at a decayed corpse, mummified by the vacuum. It looked human. Clutch in a bony fist was a note on NADA letterhead. “National Aeronautics and Dimensional Administration?” Again, the note was in reverse:

‘They’ve killed us all. But if by some miracle my son survives, tell him I loved him. He was going to be a pilot. I was hoping someday to see him fly.’

The comms were silent.

“You still there, commander?”

“I’m here,” Kenzie paused, stunned. “And it’s clearer now. A fractured crown, a destroyed face. Dented robes. But, isn’t Lady Liberty right handed?”

Great job Kalifer! Congrats!

C. wrote: "Mine is up. Busy month.

-C"

Seriously, I don't know what happened to all my time this month. I never expected October to be this crazy.

Jot wrote: "Thanks Tom! Chris may recognize this as a potential sequel to Terra Forma, if I ever find the time to write one."

Looking forward to it, Jot! :)

Madness

“Shit, John! What the hell?!” I screamed, the slug dropping Hui-Ying instantly.

His hands were shaking, which made his pistol, really a repurposed core sampler, that much more of a threat. “We’re gettin’ in that ship and taking off!”

As the best pilot we had, I guess I was still valuable. “But the orbiter’s still twelve hours out,” I explained, trying to bring him down.

“Bullshit!” He rubbed his temples, delirium controlling every response. “You’re going to get me off this goddamn planet!”

“John, you knew the risk – a long mission, maybe even a one-way trip. We all did.”

He wiped the sweat from his brow, his mind racing. I’d never seen anyone have such a breakdown before. Of course, we’d all been screened, but the shrinks obviously missed something. He paced anxiously, thoughts flooding his head as madness took over. The months in space, the weeks on Mars, the recycled air – the strain had finally broken him.

“We can work, through this,” I pleaded. “Just give me the gun.” I eased in, gesturing for the weapon, but he aimed the barrel directly at me, instead. “What about Hui-Ying?” She was motionlessly on the floor, still breathing. She’d hit her head, but the slug passed cleanly through her shoulder. “We can’t just leave her here.”

Definitely not her biggest fan, Hui-Ying always rode him hard. And she should’ve kept her mouth shut. But he had at least some compassion, because he conceded, “Fine, get her into a suit.”

“You’re the boss.”

“Exactly.”

Her wound was deep but not immediately life-threatening, so I tore the sleeve from her shirt, packed and stabilized the wound, before pulling the environmental suit over her head. Securing her helmet, I hauled her onto my back.

“Outside.” John motioned to the airlock with his pistol. A quick change in atmospheres and we were exposed to the biting sands of the Red Planet. The winds cut like a knife. “Let’s go!”

An unexpected gust, and I stumbled forward, nearly dropping Hui-Ying. So, I set her down, to correct my load. I suddenly realized John was close enough and quickly swept his arm away, before launching into him. We toppled hard into the sand, and he slammed my kidneys with the butt of his weapon. Next, he brought the barrel to my head and I barely managed to deflect it away as he fired. We struggled over the shifting dunes and I slammed his wrist into a large stone, disarming him. Another tumble and he kicked me away before charging back into me. Pinned beneath him, he was totally frantic. Then, with a crack, a rock smashed into his faceplate and he panicked, venting oxygen while charging desperately past Hui-Ying, toward our rocket.

Breathing heavily, she dropped the stone.

“You okay?”

She nodded, staggering a bit, then I bolted up the ladder after him, pounding, “John, open the hatch!”

Engines erupted, and the wash kicked up the sands, nearly tossing me away. So, I scrambled back to Hui-Ying and we covered behind a nearby outcropping as thrusters engaged. The ship took toward the sky. “Jesus, John!” In his madness, no one had untethered the ship.

Blasting skyward, brackets for electrical and environmental lines snapped, but the carbon-steel tethers still attached to our shelter were solid and tugged downward, straining with the load. Unfortunately, A small bullet hole in the fuel tank ejected liquid hydrogen into the thrust and, like a bomb, engines exploded, becoming a fireball from the sky. It consumed our shelter in flame and shrapnel, opening the entire structure to the winds and weather of Mars. At least the blaze didn’t last long in the thin atmosphere.

“Damn.”

“What do we do now?” Hui-Ying asked.

“I don’t have a goddam clue. That shelter was our lifeline.”

“And the rover?”

“Was docked with the shelter.”

“So, we’re just supposed to asphyxiate now?”

“Or dehydrate. There’s a survival kit and a dozen full oxygen cylinders with the survey equipment on the other side of the camp. But locked in these suits, we’ll run out of water, first.”

“You’re the mission commander, you must have some sort of plan.”

“Salvage any equipment we can and get out of this storm. There’s a cave on the ridge. Maybe we can rig something up there and survive a little longer.”

“Until when?”

“Until the orbiter comes around and try to call for rescue. We just need some time…”

“We’re dead, aren’t we?”

“Only if we give up.”

Justin wrote: "I'll add my congratulations to the pile. Nice work!!"

Thanks Justin! :)

Thanks again everyone! I've posted the new contest. It's pretty basic this month.


This Month's Theme:

Conflict on Mars (However you'd like: political, military, terrorist, economic, social...etc.)

Required Elements:

An unexpected ally (We'll keep it simple.)

This string is for critiques only.

The following rules are from Jot Russell, moderator for this contest:

To help polish our skills and present a flavour of our art to other members in the group, I am continuing this friendly contest for those who would like to participate. There is no money involved, but there is also no telling what a little recognition and respect might generate. The rules are simple:

1) The story needs to be your own work and should be posted on the goodreads (GR) Discussion board, which is a public group. You maintain responsibility and ownership of your work to do with as you please. You may withdraw your story at any time.

2) The stories must be 750 words or less.

3) The stories have to be science fiction, follow a specific theme and potentially include reference to items as requested by the prior month's contest winner.

4) You have until midnight EST on the 22nd day of the month to post your story to the GR Science Fiction Microstory Contest discussion. One story per author per month.

5) After, anyone from the LI Sci-Fi group or the GR Science Fiction Microstory Discussion group has until midnight EST of the 25th day of the month to send me a single private vote (via GR or to author.jotrussell@gmail.com) for a story other than their own. This vote will be made public once voting is closed. Voting is required. If you do not vote, your story will be disqualified from the contest. You don't need a qualifying story to cast a vote, but must offer the reason for your vote if you don’t have an entry.

6) To win, a story needs at least half of the votes, or be the only one left after excluding those with the fewest votes. Runoffs will be run each day until a winner is declared. Stories with vote totals that add up to at least half, discarding those with the fewest votes, will be carried forward to the next runoff election. Prior votes will be carried forward to support runoff stories. If you voted for a story that did not make it into the runoff, you need to vote again before midnight EST of that day. Only people who voted in the initial round may vote in the runoffs.

7) Please have all posts abide by the rules of GR and the LI Sci-Fi group.

8) For each month, there will be three discussion threads:
a) Stories - For the stories and the contest results only.
b) Comments - For discussions about the stories and contest. Constructive criticism is okay, but please avoid any spoilers about the stories or degrading comments directed towards any individuals. If you want to suggest a change to the contest, feel free to start a discussion about the idea before making a formal motion. If another member seconds a motion, a vote can be held. I will abstain from voting, but will require a strong two-thirds majority to override my veto.
c) Critiques - Each member can provide at most one critique per story, with a single rebuttal by the author to thank the critic and/or comment to offer the readers the mind set of the story to account for issues raised by the critique. Critiques should be of a professional and constructive manner. Feel free to describe elements that you do and don't like, as these help us gain a better perspective of our potential readers. Remarks deemed inflammatory or derogatory will be flagged and/or removed by the moderator.

9) The winner has THREE days after the start of the new month to make a copy of these rules and post a new contest thread using the theme/items of their choosing. Otherwise, I will post the new contest threads.

**********

This Month's Theme:

Conflict on Mars (However you'd like: political, military, terrorist, economic, social...etc.)

Required Elements:

An unexpected ally (We'll keep it simple.)

This string is for comments only.

The following rules are from Jot Russell, moderator for this contest:

To help polish our skills and present a flavour of our art to other members in the group, I am continuing this friendly contest for those who would like to participate. There is no money involved, but there is also no telling what a little recognition and respect might generate. The rules are simple:

1) The story needs to be your own work and should be posted on the goodreads (GR) Discussion board, which is a public group. You maintain responsibility and ownership of your work to do with as you please. You may withdraw your story at any time.

2) The stories must be 750 words or less.

3) The stories have to be science fiction, follow a specific theme and potentially include reference to items as requested by the prior month's contest winner.

4) You have until midnight EST on the 22nd day of the month to post your story to the GR Science Fiction Microstory Contest discussion. One story per author per month.

5) After, anyone from the LI Sci-Fi group or the GR Science Fiction Microstory Discussion group has until midnight EST of the 25th day of the month to send me a single private vote (via GR or to author.jotrussell@gmail.com) for a story other than their own. This vote will be made public once voting is closed. Voting is required. If you do not vote, your story will be disqualified from the contest. You don't need a qualifying story to cast a vote, but must offer the reason for your vote if you don’t have an entry.

6) To win, a story needs at least half of the votes, or be the only one left after excluding those with the fewest votes. Runoffs will be run each day until a winner is declared. Stories with vote totals that add up to at least half, discarding those with the fewest votes, will be carried forward to the next runoff election. Prior votes will be carried forward to support runoff stories. If you voted for a story that did not make it into the runoff, you need to vote again before midnight EST of that day. Only people who voted in the initial round may vote in the runoffs.

7) Please have all posts abide by the rules of GR and the LI Sci-Fi group.

8) For each month, there will be three discussion threads:
a) Stories - For the stories and the contest results only.
b) Comments - For discussions about the stories and contest. Constructive criticism is okay, but please avoid any spoilers about the stories or degrading comments directed towards any individuals. If you want to suggest a change to the contest, feel free to start a discussion about the idea before making a formal motion. If another member seconds a motion, a vote can be held. I will abstain from voting, but will require a strong two-thirds majority to override my veto.
c) Critiques - Each member can provide at most one critique per story, with a single rebuttal by the author to thank the critic and/or comment to offer the readers the mind set of the story to account for issues raised by the critique. Critiques should be of a professional and constructive manner. Feel free to describe elements that you do and don't like, as these help us gain a better perspective of our potential readers. Remarks deemed inflammatory or derogatory will be flagged and/or removed by the moderator.

9) The winner has THREE days after the start of the new month to make a copy of these rules and post a new contest thread using the theme/items of their choosing. Otherwise, I will post the new contest threads.

**********

This Month's Theme:

Conflict on Mars (However you'd like: political, military, terrorist, economic, social...etc.)

Required Elements:

An unexpected ally (We'll keep it simple.)

The following rules are from Jot Russell, moderator for this contest:

To help polish our skills and present a flavour of our art to other members in the group, I am continuing this friendly contest for those who would like to participate. There is no money involved, but there is also no telling what a little recognition and respect might generate. The rules are simple:

1) The story needs to be your own work and should be posted on the goodreads (GR) Discussion board, which is a public group. You maintain responsibility and ownership of your work to do with as you please. You may withdraw your story at any time.

2) The stories must be 750 words or less.

3) The stories have to be science fiction, follow a specific theme and potentially include reference to items as requested by the prior month's contest winner.

4) You have until midnight EST on the 22nd day of the month to post your story to the GR Science Fiction Microstory Contest discussion. One story per author per month.

5) After, anyone from the LI Sci-Fi group or the GR Science Fiction Microstory Discussion group has until midnight EST of the 25th day of the month to send me a single private vote (via GR or to author.jotrussell@gmail.com) for a story other than their own. This vote will be made public once voting is closed. Voting is required. If you do not vote, your story will be disqualified from the contest. You don't need a qualifying story to cast a vote, but must offer the reason for your vote if you don’t have an entry.

6) To win, a story needs at least half of the votes, or be the only one left after excluding those with the fewest votes. Runoffs will be run each day until a winner is declared. Stories with vote totals that add up to at least half, discarding those with the fewest votes, will be carried forward to the next runoff election. Prior votes will be carried forward to support runoff stories. If you voted for a story that did not make it into the runoff, you need to vote again before midnight EST of that day. Only people who voted in the initial round may vote in the runoffs.

7) Please have all posts abide by the rules of GR and the LI Sci-Fi group.

8) For each month, there will be three discussion threads:
a) Stories - For the stories and the contest results only.
b) Comments - For discussions about the stories and contest. Constructive criticism is okay, but please avoid any spoilers about the stories or degrading comments directed towards any individuals. If you want to suggest a change to the contest, feel free to start a discussion about the idea before making a formal motion. If another member seconds a motion, a vote can be held. I will abstain from voting, but will require a strong two-thirds majority to override my veto.
c) Critiques - Each member can provide at most one critique per story, with a single rebuttal by the author to thank the critic and/or comment to offer the readers the mind set of the story to account for issues raised by the critique. Critiques should be of a professional and constructive manner. Feel free to describe elements that you do and don't like, as these help us gain a better perspective of our potential readers. Remarks deemed inflammatory or derogatory will be flagged and/or removed by the moderator.

9) The winner has THREE days after the start of the new month to make a copy of these rules and post a new contest thread using the theme/items of their choosing. Otherwise, I will post the new contest threads.

**********

This Month's Theme:

Conflict on Mars (However you'd like: political, military, terrorist, economic, social...etc.)

Required Elements:

An unexpected ally (We'll keep it simple.)

Yay! Thanks so much! I must admit, it's very meaningful to me, given the great stories and talent this month. :)

Paula wrote: "Chris---a trope that might, in other hands, seem overused, but your flowing writing and very original and *felt* details make it new and powerful. Fine work."

Thanks Paula, I appreciate that! I'm trying to work on upping the quality of my writing a bit, which I think, over the past few months, has been a bit lazy. So, I was focused a little more stylistically this month. I'm especially grateful for the comment from you, given your particular writing ability. :)