Chris’s Comments (group member since Nov 04, 2015)

Chris’s comments from the Science Fiction Microstory Contest group.

Marianne wrote: "Chris: It is good to have this discussion for one. I look for balance when considering a story. That informs my opinion/critique. The issues I mentioned I see month after month. They bubble up in a..."

I generally agree in principle with all of the that. I guess the pragmatic part of me asks, how can we as a group fundamentally change who we are, to attract more writers and readers? And while hard sci-fi is what I know, I would love to see more genre blending in the group. It's definitely something which would help my own writing improve and would make some of the stories that much more interesting. I love a challenge, especially writing outside of the box. As an aside, Marianne, I've really enjoyed your stories in particular because they tend to be different and a little quirky, and I do miss some of the amazing writers who've not been contributing lately. Even so, the challenge continues! On to the next month!

Marianne wrote: "I tend to think that the critique thread would be better left to after the contest as it might be a distraction while the contest is ongoing. I do find the critiques useful. I often disagree with t..."

So, I suppose the question becomes, how do you effectively fix this? Each of us is going to write according to their own style and the preferences with which they connect. I, for one, prefer a dialogue driven narrative, leaving the descriptive elements to the imagination of the reader. Others prefer the exact opposite. So, I'm not sure this is a weakness or just a matter of personal preference. Additionally, I think every writer incorporates their own actual experiences into their stories and, while sometimes repetitive, this allows the reader to get to indirectly know the writer that much more.

And, while I would enjoy the most diverse group of writers we can attract, I'd welcome any writer willing to share, no matter who they are. I don't think anyone in this group or anything we've done discourages diversity in any way. But then again, I also acknowledge that science fiction may inherently be a niche genre, appealing to a narrower segment of the population, diversity or not.

As someone who's never professionally authored anything, I've never been intimidated by any of the other writers here, and if someone hopes to ever write professionally at any point, I think they'd have to develop the courage to join a group like ours, no matter their current level. I also hope they'd be able to grow from the experience.

I first joined this group a couple of years ago as a rookie. No books. Nothing published. And nothing's changed. But I'd still like to think I can occasionally knock out an interesting story, even "against" quite a few established/published authors in this group. Then again, I do it purely for fun because I enjoy writing and the challenge each month brings. Since then, I've enjoyed the stories, the critiques, and even these discussions, not missing a single month. I've even had a few wins. Thank you all for that.

As to whether critiques are discouraging new members, I think every one of us has been kind and constructive. I would hope that any new member finds our reviews honest, encouraging, and helpful.

C. wrote: "Just sayin'"

I disagree C., and I'm not sure how far an author will get in writing if they can't take criticism positively. Also, I think every member of this group has been nothing but kind, even in their critiques.

I'll admit, in the beginning, I was dubious of the critiquing system when we added it, fearing it would sway the vote. That being said, I've grown to appreciate everyone's input and it has really helped me grow as a writer. Like Greg, I also don't write to win, though. I do it for the challenge and enjoyment of creating something new.

And, as someone who's never published anything, another writer's constructive critique has never discouraged me. I welcome it, even if it is hard to swallow sometimes. I think the best way to grow in any endeavor, is through feedback, be it positive or critical.

Honestly, I generally only read my own critique, fully reading each of the stories to vote. I usually only rely on the critiques for my own personal improvement, but very occasionally will refer to them if I can't decide between two good stories. I think it's sometimes helpful to get a different perspective I haven't considered, when judging between two close ones.

That being said, I think the critiques are a valuable way to get third-person insight into your own story and they are definitely helpful.

Only 2 stories this month, so far? Yikes! Only 5 more days!

Tom wrote: "Critique by Tom Olbert of -- "Tripping" by Chris

A funny and entertaining tale of a seemingly normal American family on a road trip through California which takes them through a small, out of the ..."


Tom, thanks so much for your time and review. I really appreciate your input. I agree with your assessment of the end and probably could have given it a little more oomph. Honestly, when I started with this piece I really had no idea of where it was going to go, so was just thankful to at least figure something out in the end - lol. :)

I was able to cobble something together for this month. So, mine's up. :)

Jot wrote: "Are we there yet?"

Not far now...

Tripping

I remember stumbling upon Pine Valley as a kid. It was during one of our regular family trips and we decided to try someplace new. So, we headed to California, not exactly because we had some burning desire, but rather because we laid out a large map and tossed a dart. San Diego was where it landed.

Now, I should tell you that my dad was very destination oriented, and wasn’t about to stop anywhere in the desert along the way. Much more scenic, we hurried right for the mountains basically skipping past the sand and the heat. Of course, I was seven and had definitely contributed enough of the obligatory ‘are we there yets’, recalling it as the trip where Dad taught me to pee into a bottle, so we could “just get there.”

We were crossing high over the mountain divide, along I-8 from Yuma to Alpine, when the unexpected happened. “Damn,” my dad cursed, limping our vehicle into tiny Pine Valley and intentionally easing off the main road because, he remarked cynically, “You just can’t trust people nowadays.”

Climbing out, he saw the problem right away, then leaned back in. “It’s flat.”

“Don’t we have a spare?” my mom wondered.

He shook his head. “This was the spare…pretty much brand new! Should’ve been just fine to make it all the way and home again.” Then he stared down the empty dirt road, back toward the freeway exit and Pine Valley. “Well, I suppose we could check for something in town.”

Of course, I was more than eager. We’d been traveling for hours without a break and I could definitely use a good distraction. So, we headed off.

Pine Valley was a sleepy little town nestled atop the mountain pass. My dad called it a ‘one-scoop town’ because it only had one ice-cream shop…that and one gas station, a small hot dog stand, not even a restaurant, and a tiny community post office. There was a small general store and a few houses, but the town was otherwise unremarkable. “I’ll head over to that garage, there,” Dad said. “Maybe they’ve got something we can use. You guys grab some ice cream.” He handed me a five dollar bill. I was elated.

My strawberry cone was amazing and about halfway through, my father happened back. “Any luck?” Mom asked.

“Nothing. Kind of strange. I gave the guy the model number, an SGC, pretty common, really. He just stared back at me like I was crazy or something. Shook his head, wide-eyed, and didn’t say a word. So I asked if he had anything similar but it was like he was frozen or something.”

“Funny, the lady at the ice cream window reacted the same way. Didn’t even look down when she scooped it, almost like a robot. Then, when we offered to pay, she demanded we ‘Just take it.’”

“Something odd about this place.” Of course, at seven years old, I hadn’t a clue what he meant. The town seemed so peaceful and normal enough. “Let me try that store over there, see if they have something.”

“How’s that going to help?”

“Well, it’s that or we’ll have to call for a tow.” He took off, and was back faster than we expected, a proud grin on his face.

“Well?”

“Got it!” he replied. “Well, at least it’ll do.” He tossed a small object into the air before catching it again. “Something about the people in this town, though. That lady at the counter, I almost thought she’d pass out. Even asked if she was okay, but she barely nodded. Let’s go.”

The quick fix took just a minute and we pulled away.

“You think we’ll make it now?” Mom worried.

“I’m not sure. Charging a flat capacitor is easy with the right parts, but these 9 volt batteries are a poor substitute. Might be better if we just head home for now. Better safe than sorry.”

I was so disappointed.

“Tell ya what, we can stop off at Nebulon on the way to see the pit-monsters, though.”

That, at least, was some consolation.

“Sheesh,” Dad sighed, “that town was strange. I mean, everyone was tripping, staring like you were missing one of your heads or had lost a tentacle. And who doesn’t carry spelnoid-galvanox capacitators?” He shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe we should just cross Earth off our list.”

Pulling into the sky, I vaguely heard the sounds of sirens as we eased into the clouds.

John wrote: "Critique of Groundbreaking Original Designs, Inc. by Chris

I loved the writing and characters. It´s fun reading and I find it hard to find anything wrong with it. Good story.

John"

John, thanks so much for your time and review. I really appreciate it! :)

Justin wrote: "Chris wrote: "Tom wrote: "Critique by Tom Olbert of -- "Groundbreaking Original Designs, Inc." by Chris

A darkly funny and irreverent bit of Biblical allegory, with God as the narrating POV charac..."


Thanks Justin! I know - fairly loose in the sci-fi requirement. Kind of like the 'Animal Farm' debate from last month (and Kalifer's fairly logical synopsis). At least it is "otherwordly", lol. ;)

As for the fall of an empire, I was actually aiming for a general decline of God's 'kingdom' because they screwed it all up. The apocalypse at the end was just another handy example.

:)

Tom wrote: "Critique by Tom Olbert of -- "Groundbreaking Original Designs, Inc." by Chris

A darkly funny and irreverent bit of Biblical allegory, with God as the narrating POV character.

God is the arrogant ..."


Tom, thanks so much for your review. As always, I really appreciate your insight.

I'll admit that I was also concerned about the ending and had been mulling it over since I posted the story. So, I tweaked it a bit and it should hopefully end better now. I think it does.

:)

Thanks Justin! I'm glad you liked it. :)

Mine's up. A little loose on the sci-fi and I apologize, guiltily, in advance for anyone with certain sensitivities. ;)

Groundbreaking Original Designs, Inc.


Everyone was waiting for me, and as soon as I stepped into the corridor, I could sense a hint of dread, though, honestly, I was still half asleep. A warm cup of joe in my hand, and still with my robe and fuzziest slippers, it was good to be back. I’d been asleep for over two millennia, and expected a bit of slack, that’s for sure. After all, I was the guy in charge, the big kahuna. And, it’s good to be the king.

I sure didn’t expect the uncertain looks, the manufactured grins, as I strolled down the corridor. “Hey Mary!” I greeted warmly and she smirked nervously. “Zeke! How are things?” He barely returned the high-five. Something was up.

Entering the conference room, all eyes turned to me and the nervous banter lulled to a suppressed whisper. “Hey everybody! It’s great to see you again!” I raised my mug with a drowsy grin and took a seat at the end of the table. Our view all around looked down upon the Earth. It was as beautiful as ever. “Seems like millennia,” I chuckled but no one even responded. So, I set my cup down with a yawn and cleared my eyes. “Where’re we at? And where’s my kid?” I asked, confused.

Silence.

Scanning the room, they silently stared back. “What’s with all the long faces? Adam, you’re my number one guy, right? Gimme the run-down?”

“Um, things have…gone a bit south, since you left.”

“Like?” I took a generally disinterested sip. At least the coffee had improved.

Another pause. It was clear they needed some inspiration.

“C’mon guys. We’ve got a kingdom to run here. I mean, Groundbreaking Original Designs, Inc. didn’t spend an eternity on this project just to create a team with blanks stares and no answers. This is a business. What, you afraid I might smite you or something?” I snickered then perused the room anxiously, before asking again, “Where is he?”

Still, no one answered.

Summoning his courage, Adam rose and swallowed anxiously. “The population has…exceeded our original design. It took them a while, but during your, uh, sabbatical, they basically decided on a bit of their own free will.” He enlarged a virtual schematic. “The first few centuries, they warred with each other, just like normal, and it kept them relatively disinterested…suppressed their curiosity and restrained their numbers.”

“That was the plan,” I reminded them – control their growth. “We had enough challenges to restrain them, while still encouraging reproduction. And our customer in Dimension Omega was happy with our product.”

“Well, you left…”

“I know, I know,” I admitted. “But I needed a breather. Hadn’t slept since the whole project began, you know.”

Adam enlarged another schematic. “Recently, we’ve had a spike. And despite new diseases to cull the population, they’re reproducing faster than our models, intelligence and discovery rates surging. They’ll soon overrun the planet and begin to escape.”

“Seriously?”

“We even tossed a few genocidal lunatics into the mix, finally hiring our main competitor…

“You kiddin’?" I interrupted. "Their CEO’s the devil! A backstabber! Did it ever occur to you, that asshat may be the cause of all this?”

“Um, no,” he grimaced. “Anyways, it wasn’t enough.”

“Meaning?” I asked.

“They’ve harnessed atomic energy and are on the verge of discovering the nature of matter. It won’t be long before their particle accelerator technology…”

“Are you shittin’ me right now?” I interrupted, leaning forward in my chair, annoyed.

Everyone froze.

“So, let me get this straight. We, or I, set up the perfect system – spent a friggen eternity; forever to build the right environments, create the physical laws, just to grow a suitable sentient race to harvest for pure essences. Now, you’re telling me someone left the door open and they’re about figure out the secret recipe?”

They fidgeted.

“Jesus, I’m not gonna ask again! Where the hell is my son? He was supposed to be in charge!” Still, no one answered. “Well?!” my fingers dug into the glass tabletop and it shattered. “Listen, I’m about to unleash some fire and brimstone if I don’t like what I hear, bring this whole damn show to an end and start over!”

Mary stepped hesitantly forward, wiping the sweat from her brow. “They, uh, crucified him. Since then, he’s been...doing his own thing.”

“Well, shit.” I leaned in. “Time for an apocalypse! Let’s wipe the slate clean!” Then reconsidering, I sipped the last if my brew, “Well, except for this coffee. It’s heavenly.”

Happy Birthday, Justin! :)

Marianne wrote: "Thanks for the comments, Chris. Sorry the end did not work for you. Fiona provided the energy to revitalize Shivareen (a play on Kundalini with Fiona being a snake like being) to both teleport and ..."

Don't misunderstand. I totally got the ending. I just think, for me, it was a little too ephemeral, too loosely explained, though I know how tough it is to get everything down, the way you'd like, with a limited word count. Then again, it may just be me. And your writing is always solid and enjoyable, leaps and bounds above my own, in quality of prose. Something I can only continue to strive for. :)

Jon wrote: "Just a note to avoid confusion, but J.E. COPE was the author of the Opera I posted, not the writer of this story. Although...in truth...they are onest and the same...

“Haha!”"

Whoops! Guess, I'll need an editor before publishing my reviews, lol. Anyways, I fixed it on the comments screen. Sorry, Jon. ;)

Duh! Should have caught that, Jon. That's why I'm not an editor, lol. ;)

Posted a couple more reviews for Greg and Jon. I hope that's okay with them. :)