Chris’s Comments (group member since Nov 04, 2015)

Chris’s comments from the Science Fiction Microstory Contest group.

Thanks Tom! I appreciate it!

Justin wrote: "Tom and Chris, excellent stories!!"

Thanks, Justin!

Yikes, I struggled this month. I've done the "Judgement" theme quite a few times in my stories already, so I decided to go a different direction altogether. Hope you guys like it. :)

The Secret Door

Timothy was eight. His brother Benjamin, seven.

They loved summers at their grandmother’s in the countryside of Wales. How could they not? She had a castle after all, built of stone, with heavy doors. It even had a moat. And while this particular fortress was filled with too much lace and fine art, the brothers often charged the halls crying, “Man the catapults! The dragon is coming!” followed by the clack of wooden swords and an overly-dramatic faked death.

It was a rainy day in July, not so unusual for the south of Britain, and their grandmother was soundly napping. So, Timothy and Benjamin chose a quite game of chess in the main room. “You can’t do that!” Timothy declared, too loudly.

“It’s a fair move,” his brother defended.

“Is not! You can’t take my knight diagonally with a rook!”

“Can too!” Benjamin snatched his brother’s piece away and Timothy was immediately on him.

“Get off!” They grappled, tumbling across the floor into an end table and then pulling a section of rug into their struggle. Before they knew it, both were trapped together like mummies in snug bandages. They burst into laughter, totally pinned and unable to move. Only by rocking back and forth together were they finally able to roll free. Thankfully, the halls were still quiet, their grandmother apparently unaware.

Then, the pair found something they didn’t expect, a previously concealed hatchway in the floor where the rug had been. Timothy and Benjamin marveled at it, wondering how they ever could have missed it - a hidden trapdoor in the ancient castle. Timothy grasped its cast-iron ring.

“What’re you doing?” his brother whispered.

“Finding out what’s down there, of course.”

“Are you crazy? There could be spiders or skeletons…or worse!”

That only peaked Timothy’s curiosity and he gave the handle a tug. The door creaked open, revealing a pitch-black void.

“Gah!” they both jumped when a hand landed upon their shoulders.

“What are you up to?” their grandmother grinned suspiciously.

“Noth…nothing!” Timothy lied.

“It was his idea!” Benjamin accused.

Peering over their shoulders she grinned guiltily. “It’s frighteningly dark. Perhaps a look, then?”

Benjamin hesitated, but his brother declared, “Heck, yeah!” So, she gave them a shove.

They fell and screamed, screamed and fell into a bottomless abyss. All the while, images flashed around them – knights and castles, tanks and jets, even spaceships and other worlds. A monster soared past which might have been a dragon, if not for the antennae and spaceship rocketing after it, laser-bolts blasting away. Behind them, their grandmother fell easily, as if she’d done this a thousand times.

“What is this?” Timothy wondered.

“A museum of sorts. Places we’ve been. Things we’ve seen.”

Their decent eased, slowing to a stop as firelight in a packed catacomb replaced the darkness. They set down gingerly on a rocky floor, surrounded by treasures of every sort – coins and jewels, swords and thrones, ray-guns and rocket-packs.

“Where are we?”

“As I said, a museum…of sorts.”

A polished orb hovered in the center of the chamber, drawing their attention. About the size of a rugby ball, the boys were captivated. Their grandmother gazed closely too, only at her grandsons’ reactions. Timothy asked, “What is it?”

“The future. The past. A new beginning for those with the judgement to use it wisely,” she smirked.

“What does it do?”

“It’s a time machine, a leftover from the end of all things. One day, in the far off future, time will burn out with the universe. But our descendants, rather, our ancestors, have all the time they need. They’ll master it, in fact. Velkaia of Adalendok, the last human alive, will escaped into the past to avoid the nothingness. We’re his lineage.”

“Have you used it?”

She snickered. “Many times!”

“Can we?”

“Someday.”

“Now!” Benjamin reached for it.

“No!” She swiped his hand away. “While the sphere allows travel across time and space, it could destroy both if used without care. Eventually, when you see through more mature eyes, you’ll learn its secrets. Now, it’s time for tea.”

A snap of her fingers and perhaps a hidden switch, the room faded away, becoming the familiar castle, once more. Their grandmother shut the trapdoor, replacing the rug, then looked them squarely in the eyes. “Now, promise me you won’t go looking for trouble?”

Both shook their heads with fingers secretly crossed.

**********

Quietly in the dead of night, two little boys cracked opened a hidden door…

Congratulations C!

Karl wrote: "RIP Ursula K. Le Guin (delete if off topic)"

I think you're safe Karl. I've never really seen any "off topic" stuff here. Lol. ;) I think most of us use the comments section for passing thoughts, suggestions, and commentary, and much of it is a bit random. :)

As to your point, it's a sad day any author passes-away, particularly a notable one.

Marianne wrote: "I reel from the knowledge that Guy Lombardo has drifted away into obscurity. After Lombardo's death, it was Dick Clark that took his place as the reigning king of New Year. How long before his memo..."

It's funny because I didn't see the New Year's reference in the bio I read. Now, the reference/required element makes a lot of sense.

Thanks for your review G.C.! I appreciate your input and liked your review key. As for the Guy Lombardo reference, I really had no idea who he was, so had to look him up. Tough to incorporate a required element I wasn't at all familiar with. Have an amazing day! ;)

Tom wrote: "Critique by Tom Olbert of -- "Defeated" by Chris

A bizarre and offbeat tale of suicidal revenge. The protagonist is a man whose sole remaining purpose in life is to kill the man he believes has ru..."

Thanks for your review, Tom! I really appreciate your very thorough critique. :)

C. wrote: "Critiques by C. Lloyd Preville

REBIRTH
By Tom Olbert

This is another great story from Tom, which sets the stage with Corrinne’s determination to kill her sexually abusive father, the villainous l..."


Thanks for the review C. I'll admit I struggled with the Guy Lombardo reference! :)

Justin wrote: "Tom, very creative!

I'm sad to say I had to Google Guy Lombardo. No idea who he was. Now I have to figure out my story..."

Don't feel too bad Justin! So did I - lol! ;D

Justin wrote: "Chris! Great story!"

Thanks Justin! I appreciate it! :)

Defeated

“Finally, the end!” I celebrated, my words overflowing with the pride of a long awaited, though tragic victory. My greatest nemesis, an enemy who’d taunted me across the heavens and through a lifetime, was steadily running out of oxygen without an escape. Admittedly, I probably should have planned ahead better, like maybe sabotaging his suit before exposing the compartment to open space. Then again, his New Year’s stupor was just too perfect an opportunity to pass up, though I hadn’t expected my own anchor to give way, sucking us both out into space. Still, I was glad to see him die, even if it cost my own life.

“Ironic, isn’t it, old friend?” I heard him taunt in my helmet.

“Friend? You and I were never friends, you sonofabitch,” I replied.

“How long’s it been? Decades now?”

“Don’t you ever shut up?”

“It feels like forever. I’ll admit, it’s been fun. Hey, remember Vexalon Planetia?”

“Seriously, you’re bringing that up now?”

“C’mon, that slave girl was totally into you! If not for me…” he chuckled to himself, “…you’d have had a pretty dull mission!”

“You tainted my drink and hired the entire harem for me, then blew through my creds and must have pissed somebody off because I had a price on my head for six solar cycles.”

He burst into laughter. “Ahh…Good times!”

“Do you know how many of those bounty hunters I had to slip past, just to get out of that system?”

“You’re such a wet blanket,” he goaded. “You know, we could’ve been great together! Conquered the galaxy!”

“Conquered the…? Are you out of your mind?”

“Well, you know me.”

“I’m just ready to be rid of you,” I sighed.

“Well, that’s not very nice! And to think I was determined to spend the New Year with my best bud!”

“You really are nuts! Listen, every little bit of happiness, you’ve taken from me! When I started my transport business, you were sure to get me branded as a smuggler. The Casinos? My credit’s no good there anymore thanks to you. And Tess…don’t even get me started with her. The one woman I’ve ever loved in my life.” The admission hit me hard in the gut. “I’d never really cared about anyone before. But Tess – a smile that could move planets and…” My thoughts drifted to the spacer from Terra Prime. She was amazing. No one knew a starship engine like she did and her lavender eyes sparkled like stardust, though she could lay you out flat in a single punch.

“Well, boo-friggen-hoo!” My nemesis was less than sympathetic. “That woman was holding you back!”

“Says the guy who thought it’d be funny to delete my entire audio collection and replace it with ‘An Evening with Guy Lombardo.’ Screw you. There’s not an inch of my life you haven’t completely blown to pieces.”

“You mean, made more interesting! Sheesh! You’re such a bore!”

“Ten minutes of oxygen remaining,” my suit warned. “Return to your ship or find a secondary oxygen supply.”

“It’s about time,” I realized.

“Meaning?”

“Meaning I’d rather asphyxiate in the coldness of space than listen to you another minute.”

“Ouch.”

Suddenly, I was blasted in the face by a direct beam from overhead. “Dammit! No!” I screamed, but it was too late and felt the drag back toward the ship. The airlock roared as oxygen filled the compartment and I sank to my knees sobbing, pounding the grav-plating.

The hatchway slid wide and two crewman hauled me to my feet. Then, she was there, same as always in her white and red jumpsuit. “Jesus. You look like shit,” Tess noted, her name badge catching the artificial lighting as she removed my helmet.

“I see you got the engines running again,” I noted.

“Engines? What’s he talking about?” one of the crewman asked.

She pulled a syringe from her kit and stabbed me in the neck. “Nothing. It’s the schizophrenia. Some manufactured fantasy about his adventures as a smuggler,” Tess smirked. “Guy even created some sort of pestering nemesis or something. It’s a miracle he took the time to put a suit on.”

“I love you, Tess,” I admitted as my senses began to dim.

She pinched me lightly on the cheek, “Awww, sure ya do cupcake,” then chuckled and motioned us away. “Take him back to isolation and restrain him. Let’s make our New Year’s resolution to keep the patients INSIDE the station from now on.”

Way to go Marianne! Great Story! :D

lol. ;)

Thanks, Justin. :)

Sheesh. This was a tough prompt for me this time.

The Import Business


“Yes, yes. Of course.” Mathias Rector was annoyed. His reputation was solid and he lacked the patience for stupid questions. “Another half billion tons is scheduled for delivery. You wanted a specific atmospheric density and you’ll have to be patient with…” He was interrupted by a chime in his earpiece. “Hold on. Yes, Olivia?”

Her virtual image materialized in the center of his massive office. “Sir, there are federal agents here.” She was noticeably anxious. “I tried to stop them but they have a warrant and pushed right past me.”

“It’s okay. I’ll take care of it. Oh, and I’ll accept your resignation.”

“Of course, sir,” she regretted. “Sorry sir.” Mathias depressed a button on his desk and she instantly vaporized as her image faded away.

Then, the paired doors to his office swung wide as a stocky man in a wrinkled suit entered, followed by a dozen uniformed officers. “Mathias Rector, we have a federal warrant for your arrest, allowing us access to Rectco’s premises, all files, staff, and technology. We’ve frozen your operations.”

“What judge in their right mind would sign that?” Mathias knew apathy was an expensive though purchasable commodity and he coolly picked the writ from the detective’s hand. “Anderson? Wasn’t he the judge on the news? Leaped out a twelve story window, right? Tragic.”

“Yeah, I’m sure your heart bleeds for him. Anyhow, this warrant is still binding.”


“What’s the charge?”

“Actually, what’s not the charge?” the man explained. “Money
laundering, extortion, tax evasion…it’s all there.”

“So, how am I involved?”

“You’re the CEO – the man in charge. You hid your trail well but we found your off-shore accounts and the amount of money this company is moving is staggering. Problem is, no one’s even sure what Rectco does. There’s trillions of dollars flowing into all sorts of front companies from tech consulting to restaurants and then back again. All the while, Rectco as a corporation doesn’t build a thing…doesn’t directly offer any type of service…isn’t even on the Exchange. Still, you have the largest skyscraper in Manhattan, a fleet of private jets, and ties to just about every country in the world.” He produced a set of handcuffs, moving to restrain the executive.

“You’re making a mistake.”

The agent leaned in, smugly snapping the cuffs in place. “I doubt it. Now, we’ll need access to your server room and all of your staff, of course.”

Mathias chuckled.

“What’s so funny?”

“I don’t have any staff,” he replied, “and our servers have been experiencing…technical difficulties.”

“What about your secretary? Hell, the doorman? What about them?”

“I’m not sure who you mean?” Mathias feigned ignorance. “Really, I’m starting to think you have no idea what you’ve started. You should have left well enough alone. It would have bought you more time.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” Suddenly, the sun went out over New York, unmistakable given the full panorama on the on 250th floor of Rectco Tower. “What’s that? What’s going on?”

“You wondered what we did here?” Mathias chided. “Well, the simplest answer is we’re in the import business.”

“Importing what, exactly?”

“A lot of things, really…hydrocarbons, carbon monoxide, nuclear waste…some pretty toxic stuff.”

“What? Why?”

“Just business. There’s a civilization on a tiny brown planet in the Plaiedes cluster that’s long exhausted every natural resource. Problem is, they’ve also developed a heavy dependency on a pollution laced atmosphere. I mean, you really didn’t think humans could’ve possibly contaminated the Earth this badly and this quickly on their own, did you?”

No one answered.

“Well, my clients had more than enough effluence to share. You see, humans started this process and I’ve been paid a hefty sum to accelerate it. Seriously, I’m surprised no one caught on earlier, even when the bees disappeared and the last frogs died out.”

They were dumbfounded.

“Don’t believe me? That’s a colony ship up there and you just pushed up their timetable. It’s not ideal, but there’s just enough taint in the atmosphere now.”

“You’re out of your mind!” the agent realized.

“And you’re out of time. Sadly, I don’t think they’re looking to share this world.” Mathias sighed. “Honestly, I’ll miss this place, but clandestine terraforming is a tough business, you know, and I’m long over due for a vacation.” Then, he dropped his human disguise and slithered free of the cuffs. “Guess my ride’s here. Catch you on the other side of the galaxy,” he chuckled before disappearing altogether.


745 words

Great story Tom! Congratulations! :)

Thanks for taking the time to review our work C. I appreciate your feedback. :)