Chris’s Comments (group member since Nov 04, 2015)

Chris’s comments from the Science Fiction Microstory Contest group.

This string is for critiques only. Please refer to the story string for contest rules and requirements.

This string is for comments only. Please refer to the story string for contest rules and requirements.

The following rules are from Jot Russell, moderator for this contest:

To help polish our skills and present a flavour of our art to other members in the group, I am continuing this friendly contest for those who would like to participate. There is no money involved, but there is also no telling what a little recognition and respect might generate. The rules are simple:

1) The story needs to be your own work and should be posted on the goodreads (GR) Discussion board, which is a public group. You maintain responsibility and ownership of your work to do with as you please. You may withdraw your story at any time.

2) The stories must be 750 words or less.

3) The stories have to be science fiction, follow a specific theme and potentially include reference to items as requested by the prior month's contest winner.

4) You have until midnight EST on the 22nd day of the month to post your story to the GR Science Fiction Microstory Contest discussion. One story per author per month.

5) After, anyone from the LI Sci-Fi group or the GR Science Fiction Microstory Discussion group has until midnight EST of the 25th day of the month to send me a single private vote (via GR or to author.jotrussell@gmail.com) for a story other than their own. This vote will be made public once voting is closed. Voting is required. If you do not vote, your story will be disqualified from the contest. You don't need a qualifying story to cast a vote, but must offer the reason for your vote if you don’t have an entry.

6) To win, a story needs at least half of the votes, or be the only one left after excluding those with the fewest votes. Runoffs will be run each day until a winner is declared. Stories with vote totals that add up to at least half, discarding those with the fewest votes, will be carried forward to the next runoff election. Prior votes will be carried forward to support runoff stories. If you voted for a story that did not make it into the runoff, you need to vote again before midnight EST of that day. Only people who voted in the initial round may vote in the runoffs.

7) Please have all posts abide by the rules of GR and the LI Sci-Fi group.

8) For each month, there will be three discussion threads:
a) Stories - For the stories and the contest results only.
b) Comments - For discussions about the stories and contest. Constructive criticism is okay, but please avoid any spoilers about the stories or degrading comments directed towards any individuals. If you want to suggest a change to the contest, feel free to start a discussion about the idea before making a formal motion. If another member seconds a motion, a vote can be held. I will abstain from voting, but will require a strong two-thirds majority to override my veto.
c) Critiques - Each member can provide at most one critique per story, with a single rebuttal by the author to thank the critic and/or comment to offer the readers the mind set of the story to account for issues raised by the critique. Critiques should be of a professional and constructive manner. Feel free to describe elements that you do and don't like, as these help us gain a better perspective of our potential readers. Remarks deemed inflammatory or derogatory will be flagged and/or removed by the moderator.

9) The winner has THREE days after the start of the new month to make a copy of these rules and post a new contest thread using the theme/items of their choosing. Otherwise, I will post the new contest threads.

**********
This month's theme:

A mysterious package arrives...

Required element:

A surprise revelation. (Does not necessarily have to be directly related to the package)

Justin wrote: "Another great story Chris! Great job!"

Thanks Justin! :)

Awesome! A great start to my day!

That being said, I'm glad to have done well, though I think we all need to do something to bring in more members and provide more encouragement, especially to newer writers. I'll admit it's a bit disappointing to be down to a handful of participants and there wasn't a single female author last month. I wonder what we can do to promote the group and attract more participants.

I've been following this. Definitely some good stuff to know here. I have four manuscripts I'm looking to get published, so I'm always looking for good info.

C. wrote: "Hi Chris,

Brain-cloud? Been there, done that, bought the tee shirt. Sometimes it helps to turn things upside-down, sometimes not... Lol.

I was thinking about the broad range of symbiosis relation..."



Ha! That's what I needed this month! :D

Justin, funny that you responded so fast - lol. I was still tweaking it just a bit.

Well, mine's up, such as it is. I'm not sure why I struggled so much with the prompt this month. Hope you guys/gals like it. :)

The Enemy of My Enemy

It was a long shuttled ride and no one said a word. They all had their own regrets but were too afraid, too ashamed, to speak up. After all, I’d become a classified stipulation of an interplanetary armistice, a treaty finally achieved after years of war. Still, every man held his head high in honor, six Aegis Marines in dress uniform escorting me to the Quorum of Worlds. I was a dead-man walking.

Our group was received by a stout alien, like a toad with over-sized eyes. His own attendants hovered closely – four conflict droids, polished to a blackened sheen, but that didn’t fool me. Damn things had killed enough of my men, leaving no question of their ability. “Welcome to the Quorum of Planets, General,” the alien nodded. “It’s a pleasure.”

“A pleasure?” I doubted. “Let’s get this over with.”

“Of course.” He motioned us to follow.

The trek to the Quorum felt like a hundred miles and I could hear the crowd grumbling inside, the dull roar of an anxious audience. “So, what about you?” I asked my tiny escort, “You have any idea what’s about to happen?”

“It’s hardly my place to say, sir.” Paired doors swung wide, the masses suddenly quieting to an eerie silence. “Illustrius Quorum of Worlds!” the alien called. “I present General Noah Alred of Earth!” Then with a final salute, I stepped inside alone, the entrance closing solidly behind me. Outwardly confident, I approached center stage, facing thousands of aliens from across the galaxy.

“Salutations, sir,” A slender gray alien in flowing white robes greeted from atop a lofty pedestal.

“Back at ya,” I replied. I’d never been more out of my element, alone on an alien world and feeling a bit betrayed by my own. “So, I guess I’m some kind of sacrificial lamb in the lion’s den here.”

“I’m not quite sure of your sentiment, but it sounds like a reference to a kind of predator and its prey.”

“Guess I’m just feeling a little cornered.”

“I see,” the arbiter noted and the crowd grumbled.

“Listen, I know I’m not exactly popular here, but I only did what I had to.”

“War tests even the best of us. Are you well, general?”

It was a peculiar question. “Uneasy I suppose, staring into the face of inevitability.”

“You are, or rather have been, the face of your planet’s war effort. General Noah Alred, Hammer of Earth, The Ferelian Nemesis. Later, General Noah Alred, the Honorable.”

“Honorable?” I scoffed. “That’s a new one.”

“Has no one told you?”

“I only know that a condition of the treaty was that I be surrendered to the Quorum of Worlds, effective immediately. Honestly, I don’t have a goddam clue why.”

“General, you’re the reason we pursued an armistice at all.”

“Me?”

“You’ve been a champion of your people, a tremendous leader and cunning strategist. Your forces battled us in such a way, we’d never seen. So, it was that much more of a surprise when we discovered a truth in the hearts of humans, a sympathy we’d missed. At first, when your Earth ship landed on Phelia, human terraforming tragically destroyed its sentient microbial population. We perceived an attack and never questioned the nobility of our retaliation, never reconsidered our own miscalculation. It led to war, and for better or worse, our conflict created you, a legend even among non-Earthers, absolutely unstoppable.”

“I did my duty.”

“Yes, but then…you stopped. You withdrew from the siege of Nophthalos.”

“Our directive was to destroy the planet, eliminating a critical outpost. Razing it would’ve turn the tide, but our intel was incomplete,” I knew. “There were children, families…schools and clinics. I’m no butcher. I disobeyed my orders, even risked a court-martial."

“You showed a consideration we didn’t expect. So, we capitulated on the off-chance of an accord.”

“I suppose it doesn’t matter. The war’s over and men like me are obsolete.”

“Not quite. General, you’re easily the most brilliant commander in the galaxy.” Suddenly, a presentation materialized overhead, a holographic representation of the Milky-Way rotating on a virtual axis. Labeled with dozens of inhabited planets, whole star-systems went absolutely dark. “For years we’ve been silently fighting two enemies on different fronts, but our forces are spent and can no longer keep the darkness at bay. The Void…” he paused with regret in his eyes. “The Void is an evil that cannot be reasoned with. It consumes whole suns, and we need your help.”

Way to go Jot! Getting my work published is something I really, really need to work on.

Anyways C., I've had a brain-cloud on this one. I just can't seem to come up with a good story this month. I'm sure something will come to me.

Paula wrote: "Wish I could, Chris, but too overloaded with clients' jobs; I bet it is a good book!
Chris wrote: "So, I'll just put this here for anyone who might be interested.

I've never actually published an..."

I know most people are pretty busy with their own projects, but thought I'd ask. :)

So, I'll just put this here for anyone who might be interested.

I've never actually published anything before and I'm looking to self publish an MG sci-fi adventure novel. I'd like to see if anyone in the group could read over my manuscript and give me a kind but honest critique. It's about 83,000 words and should be an easy, fun read. I only ask that you complete it within 30 days.

If anyone here is interested in reviewing it in confidence, please message me!

Thanks!

:)

Congrats Greg. A great story! :)

C., thanks for taking the time to critique our work. I really appreciate any feeback. :)

John wrote: "Critique of Upgrade
by Chris

I loved your story and the cubicle setting so many of us have experienced at least once in our life. Your main character of Joseph is also a very likeable guy. I love..."


John, thanks your review! My intention with the story was to keep the alien more ethereal rather than physical, so that's why you never actually "see" it. You know, it just occurred to me there could be the possibility that the ship itself was never physical at all but maybe just a mental projection. Don't know if I can explain that in the story. Hmmmm.....


:)

Upgrade

“Joseph?” There was a voice in my mind. Like a whisper on the wind, I ignored it and pushed through the doors without another thought. It was a typical Tuesday for me…at least that’s how it began. I reported to work just like I always did, though it seemed half the office called in sick. I mean, who could blame them after what’d happened over the past week or so.

“Hey man, did you hear the news?” Ethan peeked over the cubicle wall from next-door.

“News?” I wondered, not even looking up.

“The thing opened this morning.”

“Yeah? What was inside? And don’t tell me little green men,” I joked.

“Little green...? Oh, ha!” he chuckled. “No man, it was empty.”

“Seriously?”

“Crazy right? No Martians, no fancy controls…nothing! You’d think if some alien goes through all the trouble to send a flying saucer across the galaxy and land it on the lawn of the White House, there’d at least be something inside.”

“Not if it was a publicity stunt,” I noted.

“Publicity stunt? You kidding? Dude, our best scientists can’t figure it out. It’s hovering ten feet off the ground, makes no noise, and doesn’t register on any equipment.”

“Yeah, cardboard does that.”

“Hovers?”

“No the other stuff.” I shook my head and looked over my glasses at him. “Anyways, I’ve got work to do. So, unless there’s an alien army marching through the streets, I’ve got to get this report done.”

“Whatever, man. Weird stuff.”

“Joseph?” I heard again.

“What?”

“I didn’t say anything,” Ethan answered from the other side.

I rubbed my temples. “Never mind.” It had to be stress. My manager had been breathing down my neck for weeks, castigating me for numbers due days ago. Honestly, I’d been working long hours.

“Joseph, it’s time.”

“Time?” I asked but Ethan didn’t reply this time.

“It’s time to upgrade.”

I jumped to my feet. “Seriously, man. Are you hearing anyth…?” Ethan was gone, headed toward the elevator, mumbling something I couldn’t make out.

“Joseph,” the voice said again.

“Who are you?”

“I am you, now. Or, rather, we are you.”

“Uh-huh.” I searched in vain for some kind of hidden speaker under the desk, even behind the trash can. “Great. Now I’m talking to myself. I must be going crazy.”

“You’re fine. In fact, better than fine, now.”

That was enough. “Alright, what is this, some sort of joke?”

“You may want to sit back down.”

“Why?”

“Because your world is about to change.”

“Your world? Who are you?” I found my seat again.

“We’re here to improve you.”

“Improve?”

“I understand your confusion. Humans are a species so sure of themselves, despite their inherent limitations.”

“You’re from that ship, aren’t you?” I realized.

“Yes.”

“What do you want? Are you here to eat us?”

“We’ve no need for the rigors of mastication or digestion and, after today, neither will you.”

“Then, you’re here to kill us?”

“No.” the reply proceeded a gentle snicker which seemed amused. “Only to make you better.”

“Bullshit.”

“Imagine a world without hunger, because there’s no need for food; a world without war, because there’s no hatred. Picture a reality without disease or even death. We’ve come to relieve you of those burdens…to make you a better version of yourself.”

“Sounds too good to be true…and a little like you want to take away everything that makes us human.”

“No. But in some ways, yes.”

“What if we don’t want what you’re selling?”

“We’re not asking.”

“Then, you’re here to conquer us.”

“We’re here to save you from yourselves. In the beginning, we formed you, shaping you through history into the species you’ve become. Now, it’s time for you to take the next step into greatness…to finally grasp what you were truly meant to be.”

“You mean suitable hosts.”

“Of course.”

“What if we don’t want some strange alien parasite inside of us? I could just jump out this window, you know.”

“True, though you’d miss the nirvana, the agelessness, the harmony of our joining.”

“As you take control?”

“Control?” There was a pause. “I understand. Perhaps I should clarify. Our species were meant for each other, not to supplant, but enhance. You offer a physicality we lack, your emotions and tactile sensations. In exchange, we offer you a mental and physical boost as we transition to a higher level of existence together.”

“And your voice in my head?”

“Will ease as we synchronize.”

“Will it hurt?”

“Only if you resist.”

Congratulations C.!

lol.

It was spectacular! It's the biggest in the world and this was my second time there. So much to see and do! :)