Justin’s Comments (group member since Mar 13, 2016)

Justin’s comments from the Science Fiction Microstory Contest group.

Hey everyone! I just submitted my audiobook version of Cerulean Rising, Part I: Beginnings. It's taken me awhile to get it all narrated and edited, but now it's with Amazon/ACX quality control for the next seven to ten days. Then it goes live on Amazon, Audible and iTunes. Finally!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is the third audiobook I've produced, and the first one of my own written work. I'm very pleased with how it turned out if I do say so myself.

Thanks for letting me share!!

Hi Kalifer,

I would have put a question mark, then an exclamation point. I often do that in my own writing.

G.C. wrote: "Justin wrote: "Review of “November 11, 2118” by G.C. Groover

Thank you for the review Justin. Some solid advice."

You bet! I've been remiss on doing reviews, so I'm trying to get a few in this month.

Kalifer wrote: "Justin wrote: "Review of “The Gamma Encounter” by Kalifer Deil

The captain of a Mars-based mining vessel encounters an alien probe in the asteroid belt. After coming under heavy radiological attac..."

“Where's the war!” Chuck eyed me like a section-eight case.

Needs a question mark.

I must have misread something. My tired eyes can't find a spelling error. Apologies!

Chris!

"You maniacs! You blew it up!"

Insert Charlton Heston on horseback on the beach...

Good one. Did not see that coming! Nice!

Review of “November 11, 2118” by G.C. Groover

A marine on a troopship bound for the moon engages in the classic soldierly exercise of trying to relax before combat – on the nose of a massive nuclear weapon. Unnoticed, his gunnery sergeant startles him as he is cleaning his weapon. The sergeant proceeds to remind him in a patriotic manner about the unbroken chain of Veterans throughout history and that it is in fact, Veterans Day. An alien probe has been found on the moon, which may or may not spell doom for humanity. Later it is discovered the probe is the entire moon. Although the gunnery sergeant falls in combat, the marine is steadied and ready for action, comforted by the memory of all the veterans that have gone before him.

I enjoy reading and writing military science fiction. So for that reason I was predisposed to like this story. The overall tone is not one of doom and gloom, but of hope, which made reading the story a positive experience and left me with a positive mindset afterwards. That said, the story is slow to reach any kind of action after the reader chews through all of the lengthy dialogue. I felt like there needed to be a little more background texture – announcements on the ship’s PA for example, machines moving/loading or other types of readiness activities going on.

Overall, a solid military sci-fi story that honors veterans. Nicely done!

Review of “Oumuamua” by Thaddeus Howze

An interstellar object passing through the solar system is the vehicle for two intelligent probes. They engage in a discussion about the carbon based life forms on the third planet, debate their cognitive abilities, and argue if Earth is a candidate for seeding to propagate their silicone based species. Their conversation ranges from the mundane to the philosophical. Ultimately the Seed is deployed, object 1I/2017 U1 moves out of range and the two probes go back to sleep until the next star.

The real stand out in this story is its dialogue – indeed it has to be. With no flashy spaceships, explosions, hover car chases or laser gunfights, the story’s dialogue has to carry all of the “action.” It does this very well. What is unclear to me was if there were two probes on the surface of the object, or two intelligences inside one probe, or something else entirely. I could not determine this despite multiple readings. Perhaps the author wanted it ambiguous, which is fine. It does not critically undermine the story.

Evenly paced, this story never gets excited, but rather it engages the mind instead of the adrenal glands.

Review of “The Gamma Encounter” by Kalifer Deil

The captain of a Mars-based mining vessel encounters an alien probe in the asteroid belt. After coming under heavy radiological attack, the vessel hides on the asteroid’s far side to avoid destruction. The probe ultimately explodes, vaporizing the asteroid upon which it sat. It is unknown whether the probe was successful in sending any message to its creators. Heavily damaged, the ship’s computer prepares to crash land the vessel to save its crew.

I really liked the idea behind this story. However, in my opinion it could have been better executed. The characters were thumbnail sketches that never coalesced in my mind. I had a hard time empathizing with any of them. So when they were imperiled by the probe it did not cause me to worry about any of the protagonists. The leap from “an asteroid with a ray gun” to an alien probe was vague and unconvincing for my suspension of disbelief to engage.

The dialogue was stilted, needed more polish, and the action indistinct both with the ship and the probe. There were minor punctuation and spelling issues that also pulled me out of the story flow. With some serious reworking – literary mining perhaps, I believe there is good potential here for plenty of humor, action and suspense.

Thanks G.C., I do appreciate it! It was really an experiment for me to get outside my usual zone. Thank you!

Paula wrote: "LOL, Tom. They probably did some speed-of-light-breaking on the outward course!
Justin, NICE work!!!"

Thank you Paula!!

Tom wrote: "Justin wrote: "Hi everyone,

My latest book, Microwaves: Short Science Fiction for the Digital Era, is available for pre-order on Amazon and begins shipping Dec. 1. It is a collection of all of the..."

Thanks Tom, much appreciated!

Hi everyone,

My latest book, Microwaves: Short Science Fiction for the Digital Era, is available for pre-order on Amazon and begins shipping Dec. 1. It is a collection of all of the stories I've written with this group for the past two years.

So, since you all have already read them, I hope you won't mind mentioning it to friends, colleagues, linking it on your social media, etc.

Thank you!

Now back to work finishing my audiobook!!! So much to do and so little time!!!

C!! I laughed out loud! Short and sharp. Nice work!

Good story Thaddeus! Nicely done!

Thank you Tom and Paula for your kind words!

I did want to try something different and outside of my comfort zone. Paula does such a good job with more dialogue/thought/stream-of-consciousness from her characters and I really wanted to make a run at it myself.

I also remember reading a book in college (not sci-fi) that had stream-of-consciousness from a mentally deficient person who was kept in a sanatorium. So the sentences were not complete. People and places floated in and out of her perspective and time was not linear. So again, this was what I was trying to do with the first part of the story.

I also wanted to do something with a 2001 flavor, particularly the end of that movie, which is open to interpretation and difficult to understand.

I thought Kalifer's prompts would be easier, but I really wrestled with this story and where it was going.

Anyway, thanks again!

Tom, your story scared the bejeebers out of me! Oh the horror, the horror!!!! Good work!

Aberration

The room is cold.
It’s dark.
Can’t move arms.
Hungry now.
Thirsty.
Teeth brushed.
Potty.
Chained again.
Long dark.
Light now.
Moving walking.
Smiling faces.
Good morning good morning good morning.
Coffee.
Spilled.
Ouch! Hot! Help!
A cloth.
Angry words.
Unhappy faces.
Meds again.
Cold eggs. Soggy toast.
Yum!
Box with moving faces.
Funny faces on the box.
Buy this and this and this.
Recess!
Bright light outside.
Warm breeze feels nice.
Birdies chirp. Nice birdies! Birdies?
Birdies are dead. Dead. Dead. DEAD!
Angry faces.
Meds again.
Goldfish crackers.
Thirsty.
Soft face. Smiling face.
Feel happy.
Don’t go.
Please stay. Please stay!
Bye-bye.
Face is wet.
Trying to remember. Trying to remember. Why can’t I remember?
What am I doing here?
Nurse!?
Let me out of here! LET ME OUT!!
No! No more injections!
I must tell them! Let me speak to the Director! I want the Chief Flight Surgeon! I want…my family…
So tired. So… tired…
Face is wet.
Meds again.
Soft face. Smiling face. Gentle sounds.
The room is warm.
It’s dark.
Can’t move arms.
Chained again.
Can’t. Wipe.
Drool.
D…r……e…….a……….m…
THE LIGHT!!
PAIN!!

***
The Director threw the manila case file down roughly, scattering the transparent data flimsies in an arc across his desk and causing the person sitting across it to involuntarily flinch.
“Damn it, what the hell’s wrong with him?!”
“Well if we knew Director don’t you think we’d be treating him? We’ve got him on some of the strongest psyche drugs available. Whatever he encountered out there…”
“Deliberately ruined his mind!”
“We don’t know that for sure Director.”
“Then what do we know?! All we’ve got is some fuzzy video and ship telemetry that doesn’t follow the laws of physics as we know them.”
“We’ve got the best minds working the problem Dick,” said the Chief Flight Surgeon.
The Director took a deep drag on his cigarette before stubbing it out in an overflowing ashtray.
“I’m not jeopardizing one more astronaut on that thing out there until we’ve got some answers. Otherwise, I’m going to the Joint Chiefs and have them blow it out of the sky – United Nations resolution be damned.”
“I want answers!”
The Chief Flight Surgeon meekly withdrew from the Director’s office, rubbing his temples and wishing he could tender his resignation.
“Sir?” An aide poked his head in.
“What?!”
“NORAD’s on the line. It’s doing something.”

***
The probe in geosynchronous orbit over the Earth’s equator was a pyramid. Then it became a square, now a tesseract, it morphed into a sphere, then back into a pyramid again. Dark. Light. Glossy. Matte. Spinning. Static. Solid. Transparent. It contained nothing, yet it contained everything. It was a psychic portal, and it latched onto the mind it sensed was the closest – that of the astronaut from the International Space Station sent to investigate.
But the mind was too small. Too primitive to comprehend it. Too shallow to absorb the impact of psyches vast and deep. The tsunami of psychic energy easily overwhelmed the fragile mental damn of American mission commander Michael Talbot, who flipped violently end over end back towards the station, unconscious.

***
Talbot awoke with a start. Where was he? He tried wiping the drool off his right cheek but found his arms bound tightly in a straightjacket.
“Hello?”
There were vague sounds around him, a shout, laughing, crying, but no words he could discern.
He rocked in his bed and found himself chained to it as well.
“Hello!?”
A small slit opened in the door to his room, then quickly shut.
“Hey! Don’t go! I need to talk to the Director! I NEED to talk to the Director!
Michael.
Talbot ceased struggling for a moment.
“Who’s there?!”
Michael, we are inside your mind. Or rather, you are inside ours. This mental construct is necessary for your safety.
“Let me out of here now!”
To do so would cause you irreparable mental damage. It would kill you.

The sound of jingling keys intruded into Talbot’s fragile psyche. The door to his room swung open and a nurse in a pressed white uniform wheeled in a small metal cart.

“And how are we this morning Commander? Still drooling I see. Well, it’s time for your morning medicine. You poor dear.” She prattled on, oblivious to the REM-like motions of Talbot’s eyes. She flicked the air bubbles out of the needle.
“A little pinch now,” she pressed the plunger home, flooding Talbot with another round of drugs.

“Aliens…” Talbot wheezed.
“They’re coming…”

(750 words in story) Justin Sewall © 2018
Reviews/critiques welcome

I submitted my vote for you Paula! Good luck! I hope your book is doing well!

Only honey-roasted for me. Good job Kalifer! I really liked the different format of your story.

Thank you Tom for the review! I actually really struggled with this month's topic and I thought I wouldn't. I vacillated between doing a reverse "War of the Worlds" and this Old Man and the Sea/Moby Dick story (which I did do a term paper on my senior year in high school back in 1990...gulp).


I got stuck at the half-way point, and only the impeding deadline spurred me on to get it done. It turned out better than I hoped! Thanks again!