Justin’s Comments (group member since Mar 13, 2016)

Justin’s comments from the Science Fiction Microstory Contest group.

I liked it Jot! Great work!

Chris wrote: "Tom wrote: "Critique by Tom Olbert of -- "Groundbreaking Original Designs, Inc." by Chris

A darkly funny and irreverent bit of Biblical allegory, with God as the narrating POV character.

God is t..."

Chris, your new ending definitely wraps up the story more definitively. I kinda liked the first ending, where the Big Kahuna says "Oh s***" and that's it. Mic drop and walk away. Both work though.

What I liked about your story: A little bit of irreverent humor about the Almighty and heaven being like a typical office environment for any large corporation, hiring the competition to inflict death and destruction in the world, and coffee being the most heavenly beverage in the universe (I'm not a coffee drinker.)

What I didn't like: It did not feel science-fiction-y enough to my personal taste, but I don't want to open that debate at all. Just my personal preference - that's it.

What could be improved: I think you tied into the required elements fairly well. Although the decline/fall of an empire seems shoehorned into a general apocalypse.

Overall a fun story, one that reminds me of many Bradbury, Asimov and Clarke stories involving the Supreme Being, angels and demons. Good work!

Tom wrote: "Critique by Tom Olbert of -- "Deceit. Defeat. Repeat." by Justin

A deliciously creepy tale of decaying empires, ancient crypts and creeping apocalypse.

In an empire of the distant future, Fenix T..."

Thanks Tom! I don't think I've ever had a story review include the words delicious and delightful. It is true the current empire is vague at best. Is it authoritarian? I'm not sure. It is certainly militaristic - yet an archeologist is still free to pursue his investigations without overly strict government control, despite the arrival of the top brass.

My story is reminiscent of "A Canticle for Lebowitz" - which I highly recommend if you have not read it already.

I actually wrote this out of order: the first part of the story, then the last paragraph because I knew how I wanted it to end. It was the middle, exploratory section that was the most difficult because I had to cram in so much of the plot in order to reach the end I had written.

A hint about where he is digging is provided in the era Talbot notes, the OTAN-ic. I was reading an article about current NATO deployments, etc., to counter Russian moves, and remembered that the French abbreviation for NATO is OTAN.

Anyway, thanks again for your deliciously delightful delicacy of a review. It was tasty!!

Chris! I'm LMAO! Holy-Moley! For some reason I'm seeing George Burns... LOL!

Nicely done!

And don't worry, I think God certainly has a sense of humor.

Deceit. Defeat. Repeat.

Fenix Talbot yawned as he surveyed the dig site. Ever since the discovery of the first post atomic complex, he had been running on very little sleep – and that was seven days ago. He dispensed another stim from his left gauntlet and noticed he had a call waiting.

“What is it Poleyn? Can’t you see I’m busy?”

“Yes, so I’ve heard old boy. Relics and reliquaries is it?”

“Not exactly. It looks like some kind of command and control facility from the old OTAN-ic period. We’re just about to breach the outer blast doors.” Talbot’s minuscule reservoir of patience rapidly evaporated. Besides, it was starting to mist heavily and he wanted to get out of the offending wet.

“Well, that’s why I’m calling my good chap. It seems the top brass wants to be there when you open it – they should be arriving shortly.”

“Whatever for Poleyn? Don’t forget, this is my dig and I run it my way. You can tell the high and mighty brass to cram it up their,”

“Don’t get your bevor in a bunch. They just want to peek over your shoulder. Professional curiosity about a past military empire.”

“Horse manure. They’re looking to see if they can glean any scraps that might help them out of their current mess.”

“Our empire’s mess.” Poleyn corrected.

“Not my problem.” Talbot countered.

The whirring hiss of lift fans announced the arrival Poleyn foretold.

Talbot hung up in disgust and tried to put on his most polite face. He only partially succeeded.

***
Breaching the outer doors took more explosives than Talbot expected, but in the end they were finally wrested from the bunker’s rusted grip. Leading his team in, he picked his way carefully through jagged debris. The top brass hung back, whether out of deference or fear Talbot did not know – and he did not care as long as they stayed out of his way.

“Sir,” an orderly piped up.

“What is it?”

“There is a very strong data stream emanating from straight ahead. I can’t decipher it, but whatever it is, it’s a massive amount of information.”

“Capture whatever you can,” Talbot ordered. “We’ll put the crypto team on it as soon as we get back.”

Amazingly the ancient corridors were relatively free of debris. Only a few overturned desks and rotting chairs feebly attempted to block their entry. Talbot’s torch played along the walls, revealing ancient script in neat lettering covered by layers of dust and cobwebs. It was only after the corridor made a slight bend did any signs of life materialize.

Bodies neatly lined the sides of the passageway, looking as if in sweet repose despite their skeletal state. Talbot noted they all had one thing in common. Covering their eyes was some kind of device, and a few appeared to still be operating.

“This is very odd,” mused Talbot.

“Fan out and record everything. Touch nothing! Understood?” His team all nodded.

Talbot continued forward until the corridor opened up into what must have been the heart of the facility. Rows of ancient technology lined the walls and sat on metal tables. Amongst all of it were more skeletons and more devices.

“There does not appear to be any violence done here,” recorded Talbot.

He swept the vidcam in his right gauntlet around the room. Many skeletons were alone, but just as many seemed to be holding hands with others. A few couples even appeared to be in a state of copulation. Kneeling before one, Talbot gently lifted a device with a flickering green light and tentatively put it on his face.

***
“Very good gentlemen. Thank you. You’re dismissed.” The two adjutants saluted, executed crisp about faces, and closed the office door on their way out. The corpulent Supreme Military Commander of all Imperial Forces placed the microfilm flimsy in his desk safe and examined the ancient hardware left on his desk. From what Talbot’s report indicated, the ancient OTAN-ic facility was still broadcasting a signal this device could receive – and there were storerooms full of them, ripe for plundering.

He pushed the power button. A flickering green light indicated it was working. Settling back in his chair, he carefully placed the device on his face. At first he saw only darkness. But after the nanofilaments had surreptitiously injected and imbedded themselves in the sides of his head, a tantalizing new world opened before him. Sensory overload nearly paralyzed the commander, who could barely gasp into his desk intercom: “Hold…all…my…calls…”

(749 words in story) Justin Sewall © 2018
Reviews/critiques welcome

Good one C! I liked it!

Good story Tom! I'm envisioning pith helmets and khaki uniforms for your two Lordships. I liked the wheels within wheels.

The June theme and required elements have been posted! I hope you all like them. Good luck!!

The June theme and required elements have been posted! I hope you all like them. Good luck!!

The following rules are from Jot Russell, moderator for this contest:

To help polish our skills and present a flavour of our art to other members in the group, I am continuing this friendly contest for those who would like to participate. There is no money involved, but there is also no telling what a little recognition and respect might generate. The rules are simple:

1) The story needs to be your own work and should be posted on the goodreads (GR) Discussion board, which is a public group. You maintain responsibility and ownership of your work to do with as you please. You may withdraw your story at any time.

2) The stories must be 750 words or less.

3) The stories have to be science fiction, follow a specific theme and potentially include reference to items as requested by the prior month's contest winner.

4) You have until midnight EST on the 22nd day of the month to post your story to the GR Science Fiction Microstory Contest discussion. One story per author per month.

5) After, anyone from the LI Sci-Fi group or the GR Science Fiction Microstory Discussion group has until midnight EST of the 25th day of the month to send me a single private vote (via GR or to author.jotrussell@gmail.com) for a story other than their own. This vote will be made public once voting is closed. Voting is required. If you do not vote, your story will be disqualified from the contest. You don't need a qualifying story to cast a vote, but must offer the reason for your vote if you don’t have an entry.

6) To win, a story needs at least half of the votes, or be the only one left after excluding those with the fewest votes. Runoffs will be run each day until a winner is declared. Stories with vote totals that add up to at least half, discarding those with the fewest votes, will be carried forward to the next runoff election. Prior votes will be carried forward to support runoff stories. If you voted for a story that did not make it into the runoff, you need to vote again before midnight EST of that day. Only people who voted in the initial round may vote in the runoffs.

7) Please have all posts abide by the rules of GR and the LI Sci-Fi group.

8) For each month, there will be three discussion threads:
a) Stories - For the stories and the contest results only.
b) Comments - For discussions about the stories and contest. Constructive criticism is okay, but please avoid any spoilers about the stories or degrading comments directed towards any individuals. If you want to suggest a change to the contest, feel free to start a discussion about the idea before making a formal motion. If another member seconds a motion, a vote can be held. I will abstain from voting, but will require a strong two-thirds majority to override my veto.
c) Critiques - Each member can provide at most one critique per story, with a single rebuttal by the author to thank the critic and/or comment to offer the readers the mind set of the story to account for issues raised by the critique. Critiques should be of a professional and constructive manner. Feel free to describe elements that you do and don't like, as these help us gain a better perspective of our potential readers. Remarks deemed inflammatory or derogatory will be flagged and/or removed by the moderator.

9) The winner has THREE days after the start of the new month to make a copy of these rules and post a new contest thread using the theme/items of their choosing. Otherwise, I will post the new contest threads.

**********

Theme: The decline or fall of an empire

Required elements:

1) Sleep deprivation
2) A betrayal

The following rules are from Jot Russell, moderator for this contest:

To help polish our skills and present a flavour of our art to other members in the group, I am continuing this friendly contest for those who would like to participate. There is no money involved, but there is also no telling what a little recognition and respect might generate. The rules are simple:

1) The story needs to be your own work and should be posted on the goodreads (GR) Discussion board, which is a public group. You maintain responsibility and ownership of your work to do with as you please. You may withdraw your story at any time.

2) The stories must be 750 words or less.

3) The stories have to be science fiction, follow a specific theme and potentially include reference to items as requested by the prior month's contest winner.

4) You have until midnight EST on the 22nd day of the month to post your story to the GR Science Fiction Microstory Contest discussion. One story per author per month.

5) After, anyone from the LI Sci-Fi group or the GR Science Fiction Microstory Discussion group has until midnight EST of the 25th day of the month to send me a single private vote (via GR or to author.jotrussell@gmail.com) for a story other than their own. This vote will be made public once voting is closed. Voting is required. If you do not vote, your story will be disqualified from the contest. You don't need a qualifying story to cast a vote, but must offer the reason for your vote if you don’t have an entry.

6) To win, a story needs at least half of the votes, or be the only one left after excluding those with the fewest votes. Runoffs will be run each day until a winner is declared. Stories with vote totals that add up to at least half, discarding those with the fewest votes, will be carried forward to the next runoff election. Prior votes will be carried forward to support runoff stories. If you voted for a story that did not make it into the runoff, you need to vote again before midnight EST of that day. Only people who voted in the initial round may vote in the runoffs.

7) Please have all posts abide by the rules of GR and the LI Sci-Fi group.

8) For each month, there will be three discussion threads:
a) Stories - For the stories and the contest results only.
b) Comments - For discussions about the stories and contest. Constructive criticism is okay, but please avoid any spoilers about the stories or degrading comments directed towards any individuals. If you want to suggest a change to the contest, feel free to start a discussion about the idea before making a formal motion. If another member seconds a motion, a vote can be held. I will abstain from voting, but will require a strong two-thirds majority to override my veto.
c) Critiques - Each member can provide at most one critique per story, with a single rebuttal by the author to thank the critic and/or comment to offer the readers the mind set of the story to account for issues raised by the critique. Critiques should be of a professional and constructive manner. Feel free to describe elements that you do and don't like, as these help us gain a better perspective of our potential readers. Remarks deemed inflammatory or derogatory will be flagged and/or removed by the moderator.

9) The winner has THREE days after the start of the new month to make a copy of these rules and post a new contest thread using the theme/items of their choosing. Otherwise, I will post the new contest threads.

**********

Theme: The decline or fall of an empire

Required elements:

1) Sleep deprivation
2) A betrayal

The following rules are from Jot Russell, moderator for this contest:

To help polish our skills and present a flavour of our art to other members in the group, I am continuing this friendly contest for those who would like to participate. There is no money involved, but there is also no telling what a little recognition and respect might generate. The rules are simple:

1) The story needs to be your own work and should be posted on the goodreads (GR) Discussion board, which is a public group. You maintain responsibility and ownership of your work to do with as you please. You may withdraw your story at any time.

2) The stories must be 750 words or less.

3) The stories have to be science fiction, follow a specific theme and potentially include reference to items as requested by the prior month's contest winner.

4) You have until midnight EST on the 22nd day of the month to post your story to the GR Science Fiction Microstory Contest discussion. One story per author per month.

5) After, anyone from the LI Sci-Fi group or the GR Science Fiction Microstory Discussion group has until midnight EST of the 25th day of the month to send me a single private vote (via GR or to author.jotrussell@gmail.com) for a story other than their own. This vote will be made public once voting is closed. Voting is required. If you do not vote, your story will be disqualified from the contest. You don't need a qualifying story to cast a vote, but must offer the reason for your vote if you don’t have an entry.

6) To win, a story needs at least half of the votes, or be the only one left after excluding those with the fewest votes. Runoffs will be run each day until a winner is declared. Stories with vote totals that add up to at least half, discarding those with the fewest votes, will be carried forward to the next runoff election. Prior votes will be carried forward to support runoff stories. If you voted for a story that did not make it into the runoff, you need to vote again before midnight EST of that day. Only people who voted in the initial round may vote in the runoffs.

7) Please have all posts abide by the rules of GR and the LI Sci-Fi group.

8) For each month, there will be three discussion threads:
a) Stories - For the stories and the contest results only.
b) Comments - For discussions about the stories and contest. Constructive criticism is okay, but please avoid any spoilers about the stories or degrading comments directed towards any individuals. If you want to suggest a change to the contest, feel free to start a discussion about the idea before making a formal motion. If another member seconds a motion, a vote can be held. I will abstain from voting, but will require a strong two-thirds majority to override my veto.
c) Critiques - Each member can provide at most one critique per story, with a single rebuttal by the author to thank the critic and/or comment to offer the readers the mind set of the story to account for issues raised by the critique. Critiques should be of a professional and constructive manner. Feel free to describe elements that you do and don't like, as these help us gain a better perspective of our potential readers. Remarks deemed inflammatory or derogatory will be flagged and/or removed by the moderator.

9) The winner has THREE days after the start of the new month to make a copy of these rules and post a new contest thread using the theme/items of their choosing. Otherwise, I will post the new contest threads.

**********

Theme: The decline or fall of an empire

Required elements:

1) Sleep deprivation
2) A betrayal

Kalifer wrote: "Justin, I reread your story. Given the constraints you did an outstanding job. The first time I read it I didn't fully appreciate how it fit so well together. Congratulations!
On Birthdays: On one..."

Thanks Kalifer, much appreciated! On my birthday I just want my mother's chocolate cheesecake! The best in the galaxy!

Thanks again everyone. I'll get June's challenge posted soon!

Thanks everyone! It's been great being part of the group for the past two years and reading all of your great work!

Thanks Jack!

Hey! Thanks Jot! Much appreciated!!

Chris wrote: "Review of: Prates of the Malleteans by Justin

Captain Esperanto is the beleaguered captain of a garbage scow whom fate has forgotten, destined to haul toxic waste in a broken-down ship. Then, chan..."

Thanks Chris, I really appreciate it!!

Chris! Holy smokes you went above and beyond in the critique department! Thanks for all of the reviews - and for mine in particular. That must have taken quite a bit of time to write. I'm sure I speak for the group in expressing appreciation for taking the time to give constructive feedback to everyone.

Thanks again!

Marianne wrote: "Back from Kentucky. Mine is up. Where this came from in my brain must be a very odd place."

Your writing always manages to make me feel so pedestrian. :) Nicely done! I like it!